Dangerous Liaison Doctors

COMPUTER BLEEPS

COMPUTER BLEEPS

Morning.

Zara. Zara, wake up! It's twenty past seven.

What? How?

The alarm didn't go off.

I knew I shouldn't leave it for you to set.

It's not my fault. I set it for six.

You didn't, otherwise we'd be lying here in a rosy post-coital glow

rather than sat here arguing!

You're very sexy when you're angry.

Joe's still sleeping. He's been up most of the night.

-There's time for a quickie.

-A quickie would suit me just fine.

OK!

BABY CRIES

ZARA GROANS

DANIEL SIGHS

Oh, God.

Do you want a lift to school?

I'm going via The Mill. I've got a doctor's appointment.

-What's the matter?

-Nothing. Just my asthma review.

-Well, it's the first I've heard of it.

-I'm 17.

They don't write to you any more because I'm considered mature enough

to be responsible for my own health.

Well, does school know you're going in late?

Yes, I took in a copy of the letter.

It's still around here somewhere if you want to check up on me as well?

SHE SIGHS

Aren't you having breakfast?

I'll get something on the way.

No, I'll fix you a cheese sandwich.

At least then I know you've got something nutritious inside you.

If you're sure.

Thanks, Mum.

PHONE RINGS

-Bellamy.

-'Howard? Zara. Look, something's come up.'

Burst pipe. The whole house is just filled with two inches of water.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

'Yeah, so I'm going to have to wait for our plumber.'

That meeting that you called, we won't make it.

-Either of you?

-Yes.

KNOCK AT DOOR

'Well, I'm even sorrier to hear that.'

Have you any idea how long it took me to find a time mutually convenient to everyone?

Look, it is regrettable, I know, but these things happen.

Well, if that's the case, any idea of an ETA?

Erm... Oh, yes, well,

I suppose it's probably going to take about...

an hour and a half?

Better make that two.

Thank you.

Where do you think you're going?

Work?

I just phoned Howard.

I told him we're going to be late...

because we have got a burst pipe.

You beauty.

WHISTLING

That's the window cleaner!

Ignore him. He'll go away.

SQUEEGEE SQUEAKS

Oh, come on.

You never used to be averse to a little bit of danger sex.

HE SIGHS

Or have you become boring in your old age?

WHISTLING CONTINUES

THEY LAUGH FRUSTRATEDLY

Good morning, doctors.

Morning.

Well, you're both looking very tense. And I know exactly why.

Well, I myself had a burst pipe only a few months ago.

Who would have thought the mess water could make?

Therefore, I have taken the liberty of rescheduling

just a few of your patients just to give you a window of time.

Time?

Yes, so that you can organise yourselves for the rigours of the day.

Thank you so much, Mrs Tembe.

-That's really thoughtful, thank you.

-It is my pleasure.

Good morning, Mrs Tembe.

Good morning. Now, how can I help you?

Melissa Mordan. I need an emergency appointment.

Right. Date of birth?

17th of the first, '96.

Ah, Mr Hewitt.

Now, Dr Haskey will be looking after emergency patients this morning

but I'm afraid there is a bit a wait.

Erm...

Is there a problem?

It's just... I was rather hoping I could see a lady doctor,

if that's possible?

I'm sorry to be so much of a bother.

No, no. Not at all.

Yes, well, I will see what I can do.

I'll ask for you. You go and take a seat.

You're a star, Mrs Tembe. Thank you so much.

What lovely manners.

No way! So you really did it?

It was amazing! I was trembling, everything was.

Ah, no way.

Him strapped to me, the adrenaline. I was flushed and tingling.

-I'll bet you were!

-It was the best.

Karen, much as I know you like to share,

I could do without a blow-by-blow account of your sex life at this time in the morning!

There you are, Zara. Hi...

Erm, I was wondering if you could pop to my office

-and finish off that outstanding paperwork we've got?

-Now?

Yeah, seems like a good time, both got an hour off and, er,

-should be able to work undisturbed.

-Good idea.

Well, it will have to wait. You have a patient.

It can't wait!

May I ask what you and Dr Granger are doing that is so important?

Daniel?

Er, the repeat prescribing audit. It's...

QUIETLY: Useless.

Don't worry. This won't take long.

How can I help?

I need a medical certificate.

A sick note for school? What seems to be the problem?

None, I hope.

I need you to write me a letter confirming that I'm a virgin.

They say you can't put a price on virtue,

which is patently untrue

as in my case, the price is exactly £150,000.

You've sold your virginity?

Auctioned it online. The transaction's due to proceed today.

However, I've been asked to provide a last minute "proof of purchase".

Do you know anything about this "purchaser?"

He's 50. Italian. A fund manager, so I believe.

It's all legal and above board. Contracts are drawn up.

I've insisted on condoms and he's been tested for STDs.

I take it your parents don't know about this.

What do you think?

I think it seems foolhardy in the extreme.

Says the doctor whose seven years' training was funded in full by the Government.

-I don't see what that...

-It will take six years

and cost me a small fortune to qualify as a barrister.

I've no intention of starting my career saddled with that level of debt.

Letherbridge High School.

I assume your family isn't short of cash?

You imagine wrong.

My father has agreed to pay for my education up until I leave school.

After that, I'm all on my own.

Have you tried talking to him?

I wouldn't even recognise him.

He left when I was two.

Found himself a new family.

A new wife, three new kids.

As far as he's concerned, I'm just another monthly outgoing.

I'm sorry.

I wasn't asking for your sympathy.

These are simply the facts of the matter.

Even so, I'm not entirely comfortable with this.

With respect, your job is to be both objective and non-judgmental,

rendering your comfort levels, or lack of, inconsequential.

PHONE RINGS

Excuse me. Yes?

'I can't wait much longer.'

I'm with a patient. I'll be with you as soon as I can.

I'm more than happy to debate the argument at length,

but would argue, that if this were for cultural reasons,

I'd assume you'd be less judgmental,

which smacks of inverted racism-slash-prejudice,

don't you think?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hang on!

(OK.)

Come in.

Mr Bellamy asks if you will sign these, please.

Oh, it is good to see you are making use of your free time.

-It's about time you tidied up in here.

-Hmm.

Thank you.

I take it everything was in order and I'm virgo intacta?

So it would seem.

And you'll write an affidavit to that effect?

Are you absolutely sure you know what you're doing?

I would've hoped that was obvious.

Sex isn't just about mechanics.

Please don't insult either of us with the "sex is special" spiel.

From what I hear, the first time is rarely up to much.

You're clearly very knowledgeable.

Well, what was your first time like?

If you don't mind me asking?

I do mind. And it's none of your business.

A recent study showed over a third of British teenagers

either regret or were pressured into their first sexual experience.

Fortunately, I'm neither of the above.

So the question is, are you going to help me,

or make me go to another doctor?

SHE SIGHS

COMPUTER BLEEPS

SHE GASPS

I want to see Dr Carmichael.

Have you got an appointment.

She saw my daughter this morning, Melissa Mordan.

Oh, I'm sorry, I cannot give you information about a patient.

Well, I have a complaint.

I am sorry to hear that.

We do have a procedure whereby all complaints

must go through our Practice Manager.

Well, where do I find this person?

Howard Bellamy, Practice Manager. Is there a problem?

I have a serious allegation about one of your staff.

It is regarding her daughter.

-Minor?

-17.

Well, in that case any communication must come from her.

That doctor aided and abetted a teenage girl

to prostitute herself to a complete stranger.

£150,000! I mean what sort of moral degenerates do you employ here?

I understand your distress,

but you must understand I can only discuss a patient's treatment

with the patient themselves.

She's 17 years old.

And medically an adult,

and is entitled to full patient confidentiality.

That woman gave her a certificate. It's all here, I checked the e-mails.

Your doctor was "very accommodating", apparently.

I can't comment without speaking to the doctor concerned.

But, if your daughter wishes to make an official complaint,

she can do so in writing and will receive a reply back from me

-within three...

-Look, you are going to just brush it under the carpet!

-Not at all.

-Have you got a daughter? No, don't bother.

I know the answer.

Doctor? She's little better than a pimp!

Don't even imagine you've heard the last of this.

I understand, but my hands are tied.

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

All of you!

How rude!

Oh, sorry.

OK. I've got an idea.

We have both got a paperwork afternoon, OK.

So, get your stuff. We're taking an early lunch.

I am not having sex in a restaurant lavatory.

No, no. It's Tuesday. Joe's got swimming, OK?

The house is empty. We've got all the time in the world.

Ah, Dr Carmichael.

Mr Bellamy would like to see you in his office straightaway.

-Get back inside!

-Oh, this isn't a good time.

I know. I know everything. I've read the e-mails.

Oh, I'm impressed you managed to crack my password.

-You aren't going anywhere.

-And how exactly are you going to stop me?

I'll call the police.

You might want to read up on the law beforehand.

I'm doing nothing illegal.

How could you?

For the money, obviously.

But it's a precious gift.

You would say that.

I was proud to walk down the aisle in white.

Well, Dad didn't think much of his precious wedding gift,

Otherwise he might have hung around a bit longer.

And now I really have to go.

But...

Oh, God!

You can hardly blame her.

If it was Immie, I would want Zara's head on a plate.

-How much?

-150,000.

That's some hourly rate.

Don't be so disgusting.

So much for patient confidentiality.

Are you joking?

After all that shouting, I should think half of Letherbridge knows.

Mmm, it is a bit much. Even for you.

Oh, great, a lynch mob. I've just had the third degree from Howard

and I certainly have no need to explain myself to the rank-and-file.

So you did you give it her? The, um, the whatsit, the, um...

You know... Well, to prove that she's a... You know...

I have two words for you to add to your challenged vocabulary, Karen.

Professional objectivity.

It's not our job to dictate what a woman does with her body

any more than it is to lecture to a prostitute or refuse to give her sexual health checks.

And that makes it OK to treat sex like a commodity?

Oh, please. Of course it's a commodity.

Hands up who in this room has never used sex as a bribe, or a threat,

or a bargaining tool?

You're excused.

I'm presuming that's cos I'm a man?

If it makes you feel better.

So, I'm not seeing many hands.

This is different. This is her first time.

First time, overrated. OK, new straw poll.

Hands up if the earth moved for you?

Anyone?

Well, mine was with a boy, so, er, it doesn't count.

Craig Marshfield.

May I?

If you must.

I was so drunk, I could hardly remember a thing.

For all I know, I was with Craig Marshfield, too.

THEY LAUGH

Yeah, well, I still wouldn't trade mine for any price.

OK. You're young and ambitious, and strapped for cash.

You're honestly saying you wouldn't consider

using your sexuality for currency?

What about for £1 million?

Or two, or five? You see, you're thinking about it.

I'm not.

What's with the pow-wow?

Oh, we're talking our first sexual experiences.

How was yours?

None of your goddamn business.

Apropos of which,

staffroom gossip about confidential patient matters is unprofessional

-in the extreme.

-Seconded.

I have a lunch date with Daniel.

Now, er, not so fast.

I've rescheduled the meeting for now,

which I hope is acceptable as you both have time to make up

and this morning's meeting was cancelled through no fault of my own.

Fine. In 15.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Ah! Very punctual, if not to say precipitate.

As the meeting spans lunch, I took the liberty of ordering sandwiches.

-No, thank you.

-Coffee and biscuits?

-Shall we just get on?

-OK.

Now, first item on the agenda...

Financial projections for the next quarter.

Daniel and I have already prepared ours.

And both sets are well within budget

so we're not anticipating any questions.

Well, it's an improvement on the last set submitted.

All right. Good, so, next item on the agenda...

Next item on the agenda is staff holidays.

Now, as you can see, quite a lot of requests have been

submitted for the month of August....

Don't worry about that.

-Daniel and I will have ours in September.

-Yes.

That's very big of you.

No problem. And, er, three.

Practice Manager's proposal to replace quarterly status

-reviews with monthly. Fine by me.

-And me.

Whatever happened to "Over my putrefying corpse"?

On reflection, I decided that it was a good idea.

Ditto items four to eight.

-No dissent from me on any of the below.

-Seconded.

-Which just about wraps everything up.

-So it seems.

Yeah, so, if you have any problems, just give us a call.

Thanks, Howard.

Oh, stop! Pull over.

That's Hayley's car!

She's supposed to be at the swimming pool.

Come on, come on.

Hi, Hayley. Yes, I was just calling to check...

What?

Oh, he's got a temperature...

37.7?! That's hardly a temperature...

Yeah... Look... No, of course. Of course.

Better to be safe than sorry.

Yes, I'm really glad that you're so conscientious.

Oh, dear, poor little thing. Well, yes, you did the right thing.

Give him a kiss from me. Bye. See you later. Bye.

Where are we going now?

Plan F.

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

PEOPLE CHATTER

There you are, Miss.

Thank you.

PHONE BEEPS

Just the one night?

Double or twin?

Double.

Here we are. It's Room 317.

It's actually on the second floor.

-Enjoy your stay here at the King Edward.

-I'm sure we will!

Reservation in the name of Mr Rossi.

The Royal Suite.

Does Madam have any luggage?

No.

Can you show this young...lady to the Royal Suite.

-Virginity girl?

-Yes.

-You sure?

Yes. Why here, of all places?

The last place you go for illicit sex. Forget it, OK?

It's like you said, it's her choice.

None of your business.

-Exactly.

-Yeah.

-Oh!

-Where's the bed?

-Oh, my G...

-There it is!

-Aaah!

-Ah!

Oh!

Hello...

Mmm... Mmm...

What's wrong?

Did you see her, Daniel?

17 years old, all dressed up like a hooker,

about to get up to God knows what.

And old enough to know what she's doing,

as you so rightly said.

It's none of your business.

But what if it were Izzie?

All alone, somewhere in this hotel.

About to sell her virginity to some sleazy stranger.

What would you do, Daniel?

Yeah. I'd break down every door in the building until I found her and then...

..I'd kill him.

Thank you.

Aaargh!

Hello. I spotted a young friend of mine in here earlier.

Long blonde hair. Black dress. Very striking.

I'm sure you remember her.

I can't say that I do.

Is there anything I could do to jog your memory?

Listen, Mark. I'm going to level with you here.

I have strong reason to believe that that girl is about to

get herself into a whole lot of trouble,

so it's very urgent that I speak to her.

Madam, what guests get up to in the privacy of their own room is their business.

Perhaps you're not aware of the concept of client confidentiality?

Perhaps you're not aware that the concept of client

confidentiality is null and void if a crime has been committed.

A crime?

That girl is 15.

I'll say it louder, shall I?

That girl is 15! So, unless you want this establishment to be

associated with the sort of place that turns a blind eye to

underage prostitution, I suggest you tell me where to find her.

Before I call your manager. Followed by the police,

followed by the editor of the Letherbridge Gazette!

KNOCK ON DOOR

Have you followed me?!

Don't be stupid.

I came here for the same reason as you.

Sexual assignation. Can I come in?

The difference being, I'm with someone I love.

How disappointing.

You know, I really thought you were above all this.

You haven't thought this through.

What do you know?

I know a damn sight more about sex than you do

and enough to know that you're making a big mistake.

Maybe you should ask yourself why you're really doing this.

Is it all about the money?

You're right. Maybe it is more than that.

Maybe I'm trying to punish my father for abandoning me as a baby.

I'll show you, won't I, dear Daddy?

I'll prove I need nothing from you.

Even so, as reasons go, I can think of worse.

Look at the state of you.

You look like a bit part in a fourth rate porn flick.

You think you can just lie back and think about the money?

You think that's going to be enough for him?

An adequate return on his investment?

I'd like you to leave now.

You think you're in control

and yet you always look to men to provide.

If not your daddy then this...stranger.

For the record, my first time?

His name was Ed.

I got butterflies every time he looked at me

and I wouldn't have sold that for any price.

Thanks for the morality tale.

It was very moving and all that,

but if you don't mind, I've got an appointment to keep.

So...unless you're up for a threesome?

This is my number.

I'll be in the bar.

You know what I don't get? If you've got such a great big brain,

why don't you use your formidable brains to make some money

instead of selling your self-respect.

-Everything all right?

-No.

I'm gagging for a vodka

and, thanks to you, I'm £150,000 poorer.

So the least you can do is buy me a drink.

You're underage.

An orange juice, please, and a double vodka.

HE SNORES

HE SNORES

Aaaargh! Aaa...

I didn't get this job.

Why can't you stand up for yourself?

He's got a conviction.

Well, I never would have thought that.

I'm just afraid he'll go in there

and lecture them like a bunch of squaddies.

Mandy, you...you got a moment?

Um...I haven't, Philip.

Even you don't believe in me.

It's not a case of not believing in you.

I am going to do this. You see if I don't!

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