A Blind Eye Doctors

'Tuez les cafards! Kill the cockroaches! Stamp on them.'

'Do your work! They don't deserve to live.

'Kill the cockroaches! They are poison - they don't deserve to live.

'Chop them up. Exterminate them!'

Thomas! Thomas!

What time is it?

About five.

It's three o'clock!

Oh, Thomas.

Sorry.

You can't keep doing this.

Maybe you should go back to the spare room for a bit.

Morning. Now could you give this to Dr Donohoe?

I did not get a chance to put it in with her notes.

-Is she in already?

-Yes, she is very keen to get on with her work.

Well, that is the eagerness of youth.

She's just what this practice needs.

It is good to have someone here who always has a smile on their face.

-You talking about me again?

-No, we were just saying how refreshing it is to have

Niamh around the place.

Morning all. I was wondering if I could get anyone a coffee?

I'm just about to make myself one.

Sorry, did I miss something?

Oh! No, that is very kind of you.

No, I have already had my morning beverage.

You need to fill out that form.

-I'd love one. Thank you.

-Al?

-Got one.

You still on for lunch next week, Niamh?

-So long as it's a long one.

-Slacking already, eh, Mrs Tembe?

Letherbridge has some decent restaurants. But there's always the dubious delights of the Icon Bar.

-Bring it on. I'm ready for anything.

-That's not how it looked yesterday.

-Sorry?

-Molluscum contagiosum.

Oh, that!

I'm so glad you were there to bail me out.

Al saved my life yesterday. Thanks, Al. I owe you one.

Thomas!

HORN BLARES

-Hi. Breast-feeding training.

-Oh, yes.

-Sign in, please.

-You're keen.

-You're late.

-Sign me in, will you?

Hang on a minute - do I really need to be here?

Can't you just report back? I've got a tonne of stuff to do at the Mill.

What is it with you men?

You spend 99% of your time either fantasising about or fumbling with

women's breasts. So, what - it makes you think you know

-everything there is to know about breast-feeding?

-I never fumble.

Take it from me, as far as women are concerned,

you can never have too much information.

Thomas? Are you OK?

I'm fine.

You don't look fine.

I decided to take the day off work.

They owe me leave.

Yeah, I know but...

I just need some rest.

It's getting worse, isn't it?

-What?

-Your eyes.

You need to go to the doctor's.

No. I'll be OK.

For goodness' sake.

How long are you going to keep this up?

I'm trying to help.

Stop it! Stop!

What? What is it?

Nothing.

I've had enough of this. I'm going to make you an appointment,

whether you like it or not.

Mind if I join you?

Not at all. Take a seat.

La Toya Jeffreys. Parkside Surgery in Kingsvale.

Kevin Tyler, Mill Health Centre, Selly Heath and this is...

-Dr Carmichael. I'm the breast-feeding co-ordinator for our surgery.

-Likewise.

Good on you for coming. I couldn't get any of our guys along.

I'm just glad for the opportunity.

I feel that where women are concerned, you can

never have too much information.

So what's your personal experience of breast-feeding, Kevin?

-Sorry?

-That's what we're meant to be discussing, right?

Oh, right! Yeah, of course. Well, pretty limited, obviously.

Well, most of the mums I see are either OK with it or I refer them.

I think they mean a little bit closer to home than that.

Like have you ever discussed breast feeding with your mother?

No, I can't say I have.

How old are you - 35, 36?

31.

Let's see, 30 years ago that would be...

-"Breast is best."

-Good start.

-I am here, you know.

And what's this got to do with how I deal with my patients?

Because your mother's experience and attitude towards breast-feeding

can have a subtle influence on how you deal with your patients.

It can affect the course of action you prescribe for them.

My mum's got enough on her plate.

The last thing I want to do is make her feel guilty

because she either did or didn't breast-feed me as a baby.

And, no, I don't have any hang-ups about it.

You should have come in to see me sooner.

-Or at the very least consulted an optician when your eyesight started causing problems.

-Is it serious?

It's too early to tell.

We'll have to carry out some tests.

I've been trying to get him to come in for years.

He doesn't like doctors.

-Thomas?

-I prefer to look after myself.

We've left it too late, haven't we?

Not necessarily.

Are there any other symptoms that I should be aware of?

If you don't tell him, I will.

-Headaches, itching.

-He sees things.

Brenda!

I've seen the look on your face, Thomas.

And it's getting worse.

Is this true? You're having hallucinations?

It's nothing.

This is what's really bothering me.

What is the matter with you?

You're behaving like a two-year-old.

Don't tell me you're embarrassed.

It's Mammary Central in here and I know all that stuff.

So you already know everything there is to know about breast-feeding?

-I didn't say that.

-So the next time Mrs Tembe has some poor woman

in tears on the phone saying her baby cries every time

-she tries to breast-feed, she should point her in your direction?

-I'm not saying I'm an expert.

-No?

I just don't know why I have to spend the entire day on it.

Stop being such a wuss.

As the only man in the room, you are seriously letting the side down.

So man up, Tyler, and get back on the horse.

I'll send off your blood samples straightaway.

And in the meantime, I'll prescribe some cream to help with your arms.

I'd also like to organise an appointment with an ophthalmologist as soon as possible.

-What do you think it is?

-Brenda.

It's OK. It's too early to tell really. One more question -

is there a history of eye problems in your family?

I have no family.

-You mean you're not in contact with them?

-My family are all dead.

-Right.

-But as far as you know there's no glaucoma, no...

-Je n'ai pas.. No. Not as far as I know.

He's trying to help.

-Can we go now?

-Yes, of course.

I'll contact you as soon as I have the initial test results.

Good. Thank you.

I'm sorry about this.

No problem.

He's got a lot to think about at the moment.

Do you think you can squeeze Mr Georgeson in before lunch?

He says he is in a lot of pain and discomfort.

-Sure, send him my way when he comes in.

-Thank you. You are a godsend.

Mr Georgeson, you are in luck.

Dr Donohoe can fit you in.

Um, I couldn't help overhearing.

-Yes?

-Mr Georgeson?

-What about him?

He's tried it on with all of us.

He looks up illnesses on the internet then tries to outwit us

with his symptoms.

I've heard about patients like that.

Every practice has got one.

Thanks for the heads-up.

You know that's the kind of thing I'd love to find out

about over lunch today.

Lunch? Nice try.

Come on, you can introduce me to the famous Icon Bar

and I can pick your brains over the hors d'oeuvres.

No can do - there's some computer coding that needs my instant attention.

Surely you'd rather have lunch with me than some cold-hearted computer?

-OK, fine.

-Yes!

But I'll tell you now, the Icon is nothing to write home about.

The only reason we go there is because it's close.

That'll do me.

I could try going back to work.

Though it won't be easy at my age, but if Angela's still in HR...

Thomas?

Let's just see what Dr Granger says.

What is it?

I think I'd prefer to catch the bus. Let's just get home.

My breasts are killing me. I haven't slept in weeks.

I've tried everything. I don't think I can go on.

-I understand.

-No, you don't. You've never had to breast-feed.

No, but I can empathise.

What? You've got no idea. You're just like my husband.

Aaah!

Calm down. I'm here for you.

Just tell me what to do.

OK, have you worked out a timetable for feeding your baby?

-Yes. Done that.

-How about looking into how it's latching on to you?

Tried that.

Perhaps your diet is affecting the milk. Sometimes...

-I've only eaten what the health visitor's told me to.

-This is ridiculous.

-I'm not going to have a patient who's tried it all!

-Why not? I did.

Temper, temper, Doctor.

I'm going out of my mind here. If you can't help me,

find me someone who can.

-What?

-Come on, Tyler.

Let's swap. I'll show you how it's done.

Omelette OK for lunch?

-I'm not hungry.

-You've got to eat.

At least we're doing something now.

Maybe it's not as bad we think.

They can do all sorts nowadays.

'Kill the cockroaches. They don't deserve to live.

'Do your work. Kill the cockroaches. They don't deserve to live.

'Chop them up, crush them, exterminate them!'

Don't be scared, Thomas.

I'm not scared.

Don't worry.

Whatever Dr Granger finds, I'll be here.

You don't know how bad it is yet.

As long as he stops you going frantic in the middle of the night, that's fine by me.

PHONE RINGS

Thomas?

Hello?

Yes, he's right here.

It's Dr Granger for you.

-I did warn you it wasn't up to much.

-I'm not fussy.

Wow! You eat faster than I do.

In my house it was every man - or woman - for themselves.

Only those who finished first got seconds.

-Big family?

-Eight of us.

-Eight.

I don't have that excuse.

No scrabbling round for seconds in your house, then?

-Far from it.

-You missed out there.

So have you got yourself a whole GP's surgery worth of doctors

sat round the dinner table?

I'm the only one to take the Hippocratic oath so far.

-You didn't follow the family tradition?

-No. Definitely not.

So what is it? Let me guess, are they like the Ireland's equivalent of the Von Trapp family singers?

Travel around with their close harmonies. You're the Nolans!

-If only.

-Not even close?

Well, my mum's a would-be writer and my brother once failed

an audition for a Michael Flatley tribute group, so...

And what about your dad?

My dad?

Fun-loving criminal.

-No way.

-Yep.

-How did he get into that?

-What?

The band - the Fun Lovin' Criminals.

Oh, he's not in a band. He's inside.

-Like...like INSIDE inside?

-Yep.

I've got to ask, what did he do?

It's fine - he's a thief.

Well, I'm sure we've all done our share of petty pilfering, haven't we?

This wasn't petty.

And I should know, because I'm the one who shopped him.

Sorry to call you back in

but as I said before, there was an anomaly with one of your samples.

So I'd like to take another.

Of course.

-Is that all?

-No.

I'd like to ask your husband a few more questions, if I may.

I presume that you're from Africa?

Why?

Just something I'm checking out.

I lived there for a short while.

My parents moved here when I was very young.

-OK, and you were born in...?

-Uganda.

Did you happen to live near a river?

I can't remember. It was a very long time ago.

-Of course.

-What's that got to do with now?

I'll need a specialist to confirm it but it seems to me

that you could have some of the symptoms of river blindness.

What?

-I'm going blind.

-Not necessarily.

You know about this?

I suspected it.

You didn't tell me!

I can't confirm that it is river blindness yet.

Please, will someone tell me what that is?

River blindness comes from a parasite that is particularly prevalent in Africa.

-But he hasn't been there since he was a child.

-It can take many years to manifest.

But it causes some of the symptoms that your husband's been displaying.

-Can it be passed on? Will I get it?

-It's unlikely but we'll do tests.

What happens if we both go blind? Who will look after us?

I could be wrong about this.

Yes! Yes, especially as he's never even been back.

It was an awfully long time ago, wasn't it?

No. I think Dr Granger may be right.

I left Africa in 1995, not when I was a child.

He fancied himself as a bit of a Lovejoy

-but it got more serious than that.

-Yes?

Forging documents, handling stolen goods. I couldn't turn a blind eye.

Especially when he started dragging my mum and the others into it.

Must have taken some real courage to shop your own dad.

Yeah. Anyway, water under the bridge.

The rest of the family must be really grateful they didn't, you know, go down with him.

You'd think, wouldn't you?

They're not happy with you?

Haven't spoken to me since the trial.

They didn't like me airing their dirty Irish linen in public.

How about you? Any skeletons in your closet?

Look at me - does it look like I own a closet?

Why did you lie?

I wasn't in Uganda.

I was in Rwanda.

Rwanda?

I was born in Rwanda. I grew up there.

20 years ago, in April 1994,

the killings started.

I remember. The whole country went mad.

They were not mad, they were just like you and me.

-Were you one of them?

-No.

-Did you kill people?

-No.

-Oh, my God. You did, didn't you!

-No. Believe me.

-Yeah, right.

I was born a Tutsi.

The Hutu extremists - they called us cockroaches. "Tuez les cafards!"

We had to be wiped out. Exterminated.

They spread their message of hate through the radio.

And in Rwanda, the radio was God.

So God told them to go out and kill Tutsis.

I was a hospital orderly in Kigali.

On the day the call came...

..I saw Hutu doctors butchering Tutsi patients in their beds.

I saw people pulled from ambulances.

I tried to escape with my family.

Sylvie and my sons, Louis and Paul.

We ran to the Nyabarongo, our greatest river.

It was clogged with bodies.

They looked like a heaving mass of fish, in a fisherman's net.

The crocodiles ate well that day, and for 100 days after.

I heard them behind me.

Sylvie tried to pretend it was a race

but they couldn't run as fast as me.

I heard them being attacked.

I looked back and...

..I was afraid.

I saw the men with the machetes.

Their eyes were unconcerned.

They had a job to do

and they did their work.

Afterwards...

..I tried to find them.

I knew there was no point but I tried.

I looked for them amongst the bloodied clothes.

But there was nothing.

Only bloodied rags and...

..piles and piles of bones.

I was not a killer.

I was not a killer - I was a coward.

I left my wife and children and saved myself.

You have got to be kidding me.

Come on, Tyler. Show us how it's done.

If my mates could see me now.

-Maybe they will.

-Hey!

-Joke.

You look like a natural - don't you think, Zara?

Like a fish on a bicycle.

Oh!

Here, let me help you.

OK, show's over.

So, no regrets about leaving Ireland?

No, I think I'm going to like it here. Although from what everyone tells me,

Jas is a really hard act to follow.

What have they told you?

Just how great she was. Everyone seemed to like her.

Didn't you?

Yes. Yes, I liked her.

More than like?

Well...

Go on, spill the beans.

I, um...not that there are any beans to spill

but I did kind of have a little bit of a thing for her.

She broke your heart, didn't she?

No, it never got anywhere near that.

Oh, what the heck. It's better you find out from me

than from one of our esteemed colleagues.

Long story short. Jas had a stalker.

Everybody thought it was me.

Gosh. How horrible for you.

Yes. Thank you for saying that. Yes, it was.

I may have been a bit over-keen on her but it was only because I was

keeping such a close eye on her that we were able to...you know.

You were spying on her?

Sort of.

Yeah, but in a good way.

The important thing is, I saved her life! That's what they all seem to forget.

They caught the guy who was doing it?

I caught him. Sort of.

Sort of how?

There you go. That's not that hard, is it?

Yeah, I might ask for one of these for my birthday.

Anyway, it's not about us, is it?

-As long as we can pass on some tips to our patients...

-Yeah, absolutely.

You've got to be prepared to go the extra mile for them, don't you?

I had a new mother not so long ago -

she kept going on about how useless she was.

Glad I stuck with her, though. Now she sends me photos of her family.

Well, if it's such a doddle, why don't you go on to demonstrate the massage technique for us?

-Hey, I've done my bit.

-Clearly NOT so in touch with his feminine side.

At least he has a feminine side.

Thanks for suggesting the scenic route.

I had to make up for that mediocre food, didn't I?

-It wasn't that bad.

-My pudding was cold.

OK, it was pretty bad

but not as bad as hospital food - nothing's as bad as that.

You had your fair share?

I did a placement in an A&E in Dublin.

But I couldn't hack it - the pressure, not the food.

I hate hospitals.

Actually, I find being a GP pretty scary, too.

Eh? No, you'll be fine. We'll look after you.

They're a peculiar bunch of people at the Mill

but they are well-meaning - for most of the part.

No complaints so far.

I remember my first practice. They all really looked after me.

At the time I was the most unbearable brat.

No, really?!

Mm. All you've got to do is remember the golden rules.

-Which are?

-"If in doubt, refer it on" and...

Yes?

.."If in doubt, refer it on."

Thanks, Al.

Why didn't you tell me?

I couldn't talk about it.

How did you get here?

An aid worker helped me get to England.

-I'm sorry I deceived you.

-No.

I knew there was something but I didn't want to know, either.

I needed you.

I didn't marry you to stay in this country, Brenda.

I love you.

-You've never said that before.

-I know.

I was too afraid.

Afraid to travel, afraid to...

..afraid to do anything that would take me back.

I'm not going to lie. I've spent the majority of today

wondering what the hell I'm doing here.

But the last hour has been really illuminating.

Trying out the knitted breasts, I think I finally get it.

I always pooh-poohed them before, but...

I felt a bond with the baby.

We men always think we know it all but the truth is we don't.

And thanks to sharing this experience with you,

I finally have a better understanding of what it's like

to have a living, breathing...bundle of joy snuggled up against you.

Now that I have this information, I can hopefully offer you a much fuller diagnosis.

I suspect that you still may be suffering from some

kind of post-traumatic stress disorder,

which could be contributing to your hallucinations.

Can you help me to stop them?

Even with treatment, I'm not sure we can erase the images completely.

But there is other support we can offer - counselling, therapy.

-We'll be fine.

-Thank you. We'll look at anything you suggest.

Thanks for what you said in there, Kevin.

-I think I've read you all wrong.

-No, you haven't.

That's OK, women usually find there's more to me

-than meets the eye.

-So maybe we could meet up some time.

I can dig a little deeper.

Sure. Shall we exchange numbers?

I'll see you outside. Nice to meet you.

HE HUMS

That was cheesy - even for you.

What do you mean? Are you not glad I came?

Any other course you want to sign me up for - I'm in.

Oh, ah!

Oh, Charlie. I leave you for one minute...

Don't fuss.

You say Pissarro, I say Picasso... Let's call the whole thing...

Karen! No! Keep inside the cage.

-Sorry.

-Keep it pointed down. And not at humans!