Old Scores Doctors

MUSIC: "The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get" by Morrissey

# Beware! I bear more grudges

# Than lonely... #

# ..high court judges... #

MUSIC STOPS

MUSIC ON CAR STEREO

Nice wheels! What's her nought to 60?

Five seconds with the wind behind me.

I'm in the wrong profession. How come you guys are always on strike?

Teachers must be coining it in.

I'm not a teacher. Just here to give a careers talk.

Snap.

Kevin Tyler. Doctor.

Adam Batty. Lawyer.

CAR HORN

Nicola. Nicola Smithson.

-A friend of yours?

-No.

No, anything but.

Shall we?

I've got to get something from the car.

I'll meet you in there.

Panettone for the peerless Mrs Tembe!

Oh, thank you, Doctor Carter.

A big cheese for the big cheese!

And a bottle of Chianti but no fava beans, for Doctor Annabel Lecter.

Er, thanks. I think.

Surely that pun would only work if her name was Annabel.

Or a serial killer.

I just meant that she's a doctor, and she likes Chianti.

Right.

What's the matter with you all?

I think I've come back to a morgue.

Welcome back, Heston. And thank you very much for the cheese.

Right, this impromptu tea break has now officially ended.

-Sorry! Did I miss something?

-No. Not at all.

You must be Doctor Carter?

I am indeed. Doctor Donohoe, I presume?

It's great to meet you. I've heard so much about you.

Don't let that put you off.

An old-world Chianti for a very able young recruit.

-Thank you.

-Welcome to the Mill!

A man after my own heart!

Tell me about it. I'm still on Guatemalan time.

Not an alumnus, then?

No. My manager volunteered me - reckoned it'd be good PR.

Your first time back?

Yeah. 20 years since I left.

Happy days?

Doctor Tyler?

Kevin, please.

Leon Mayhew, head teacher.

Thanks for stepping in at the eleventh hour.

Anything for a free lunch.

What's on the menu - turkey twizzlers?

Actually, our canteen grub isn't too bad.

But I think a pub lunch is in order.

-Adam?

-Long time, no see.

Adam was one of my first pupils.

I was a wet-behind-the-ears PE teacher, back in the day.

Now, here's a face I'll never forget. Nicola Smithson!

What happened to the beard?

That was just to lend me an air of seniority.

Now I look enough old enough without it.

Have you met again? Your former classmate, Adam.

You're not ringing any bells. Guess you weren't in my gang.

No. No. I wasn't.

What's your surname?

-Batty.

-Right.

Really!

You managed to lose the puppy fat!

Don't say anything litigious. Adam is a hotshot barrister.

You work in a coffee shop?

Kevin, you won't know. He's a local GP.

Please to meet you.

A doctor, a lawyer

and an airline pilot - perfect role models for our pupils.

So shall we begin the tour?

Too many of the pupils entertain unrealistic goals,

like winning X Factor. When they arrive in the outside world,

they find that they're lucky if they can get a job in a call centre.

That's why these careers talks are so important.

They can inspire a proper sense of vocation and a lot of hard...

This is reprehensible.

Yeah. For one thing, they can't even spell.

We'll find whoever's responsible for this, and punish them accordingly.

Hmm. Could you have them shot, if it's not too much trouble?

Kids, eh?

What about July the 19th?

No, of course. It's a school night.

Yes, no...well, look, you know... I could always come and baby-sit.

Matilda doesn't like strangers. Fair enough.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Look, we'll catch up over the summer. All right. Bye-bye.

Karen. You got a minute?

I wanted to, um...

You know how our girlie nights in have been a real laugh?

-Yeah.

-Well, I was thinking, maybe we should venture out one night.

OK. We could go dancing.

Great, what about tomorrow?

Yeah. Suits me. I'll brush the dust off my dancing shoes!

PE is one of our most popular subjects,

due in no small part to the excellent facilities.

A few changes since your time.

Little more than a vaulting horse and some climbing ropes back then.

-It still smells the same.

-Hmm.

That unmistakable combination of stale sweat and industrial bleach.

The department runs over 30 after-school clubs

throughout the year.

Everything from football and rugby to t'ai chi.

Weren't you captain of the hockey team, Nicola?

-And the netball team.

-Of course.

A chance to relive your lap of honour?

HEARTBEAT THUMPS

You all right, mate?

Yeah. Thanks. I just need to get some fresh air.

Unbeknownst to the stewardess, he's passed out

while smoking a crafty ciggie.

After the umpteenth knock, they open the cubicle.

His newspaper's set alight, a fire is raging.

Soon, the whole cabin's filled with smoke.

The passengers panic, the crew panic.

My co-pilot tries to call his priest.

We're at 30,000 feet and I need to land, pronto.

-"Mayday, mayday!"

-Let's pick this up later, shall we?

I have an urgent conflab with my senior leadership team

but Mrs Frampton will collect you in a few minutes. Good luck!

-So what happened?

-Eh?

Your terror at 30,000 feet?

Set down in a military facility in the Ukraine. No biggie.

You haven't told us much about your job, Batty.

Do you have any moral qualms about protecting

the liberties of murderers and rapists?

Look, I specialise in personal injury, not criminal law.

In any case, I believe that everyone is entitled to a legal defence.

If they weren't, then we wouldn't be...

She hasn't changed.

Someone should cut her down to size.

# I'm in the mood for dancin'

# Romancin'

# You know I shan't ever stop tonight... #

You are in good spirits, Doctor Reid.

Hello, Mrs Tembe. Um, yes.

Me and Karen are going out on the razz tomorrow.

You know - white wine spritzer at a bar-slash-club.

On a weeknight?

Well, you're only young once. Primo have got an '80s theme night.

Why don't you join us?

No, not after the last time you two invited me out, thank you.

Fair enough.

Knock knock!

Sergeant Hollins, how can I help you?

-I'm looking for Karen.

-She has gone to the shop.

Our biscuit supply is perilously low.

And how are you, Mrs T?

Oh, well... Yeah, I am fine. I cannot complain.

But how are you feeling after the incident?

Well, I think it is important not to dwell on such unpleasantness.

-Tea?

-Why not?

RETCHING

Practising your spiel?

Yeah. I can handle a judge and jury.

But a load of teenagers...

At least you've done your prep. I'm going to have to wing it.

-You OK?

-Yes, thank you. Shouldn't I be?

Yeah - no. I thought I heard...

Hm.

Maybe someone's trying to poison me.

Who'd want to do that?

The landlord, apparently. His wine tastes like vinegar.

Experiences like that can have a big effect.

And just because it's a stranger, it doesn't always make it

any easier to accept.

No. I suppose not.

We have a really good counsellor who works with us down at the station.

I could put you in touch.

Thank you, but I have the church.

Yes?

Hello, hello!

Er, nothing.

Hi, love. Have you eaten yet?

Is that an offer?

The Icon it is, then.

It's weird being back here.

I thought it would might stir lots of memories, and it has.

Fun times behind the bike sheds?

If only. I wasn't exactly the school stud.

No, I was...

Well, I was the fat kid.

Not a problem now, mate.

No. But it stays with you.

All the teasing. Ridicule.

-You were bullied?

-Big time.

Look, it wasn't that bad at first, just the odd dig.

But from the age of 13, it became pretty systematic.

It was all right to have a pop at me. That's what I was there for.

At one point things got so bad, I tried to...

Didn't your teachers help?

No. Most of them just turned a blind eye.

It must be pretty painful coming back, mate.

Why are you doing it?

Maybe an opportunity.

What for?

Settle some old scores.

I know where you're coming from.

I was bullied at school myself. But you can't bear grudges.

You've got to move on, right?

Right. That's why I came back.

I thought it would be the best way to get some...

well, closure.

-You're on, Doc.

-How did it go?

Tough crowd, but they loved me. No pressure!

So you're going, then?

We can't get away that easily.

Leon wants a quick debrief after the speeches.

Really? So you're staying, then?

Who are you - my mum?

Just wondered.

Actually, I think I'll, um...stretch my legs.

Yeah, it was nice.

He seemed a bit more sprightly than last time.

He's got these two lady friends sniffing round, the old tart!

Poor Mum'll be spinning in her grave.

Or she might say "Good for you".

She might. Anyway, it was good, it was nice.

Sounds like you had a bit of a laugh.

I suppose I'm getting used to how he is now.

So - the week ahead.

On Thursday, there's a special screening at the Majestic of

Electric Dreams.

-No way! That's my...

-Favourite film, I know.

Which is why I booked two deluxe seats that recline

and they've got extra legroom.

-It's going to be like being on Concorde!

-It's the closest we'll ever get.

So...

Um... Why become a doctor?

Why DID I become a doctor?

Maybe it was the prospect of making a very decent wage.

Or maybe because I thought it would be an easy way to meet

lots of hot single nurses.

Five years of medical training, and two year foundation -

I'm not going to lie to you.

It is tough. But I don't regret it.

And not because of the decent wage or the hot nurses.

And not because I can help a lot of my patients by rattling

off some quick prescription.

Sometimes, the miracles of modern medicine aren't enough,

and I can't make people better.

Sometime I have to tell people that they're ill,

that they've only got a few weeks left.

Sometimes I see people in very dark places,

full of despair and anxiety.

And I know I can't cure them,

but I can help them.

And when I succeed,

well, that's a good day at the office.

Your audience awaits.

They're a harmless bunch. Knock 'em dead, mate.

Hey, you OK?

You were right, Kevin. I shouldn't have come back here.

Let me guess. Does it serve pizza?

Let's leave it as a surprise.

But I will say this - it's a proper restaurant with white tablecloths and everything.

-It's even got Heston's seal of approval.

-I'm sold!

Oh!

-What's wrong?

-Tomorrow night?

Yeah, flicks on Thursday. Is that a problem?

-I promised Emma I would go dancing tomorrow night.

-Dancing?

Oh, OK.

Sorry. Another time?

Yeah. Course.

No. This is more important.

And anyway, Emma wants us to work things out

so I'm sure she won't mind. Anyway, I'd better go.

I promised Mrs Tembe I'd hold the fort for a couple of hours.

No worries. She could do with some respite, after her ordeal.

Her ordeal?

Oh, didn't she...?

It's nothing. You know what she's like.

She takes on too much with the church. Come on.

A lot of these kids don't have much to look forward to.

At least they don't think they do.

They reckon that you've got to have rich parents to be a doctor

or a lawyer.

But you've sat where they're sitting.

And now you're at the top of your game.

No advantages, no connections.

Just hard graft.

They need to recognise that.

They need to hear it from you.

He's booked us into this mysterious posh restaurant.

And on Thursday night we're going to see Electric Dreams at the Majestic.

Electric Dreams - is that an old movie?

Are you kidding? It's only the best film ever made!

Must've passed me by.

You must know the theme song.

# Together in Electric Dreams... #

Yes, the Human League.

-Almost! Phil Oakey.

-I'll have to request it, won't I,

with the DJ. At Primo. Remember?

Well, that's the thing. The posh meal - it's tomorrow night.

Oh. Not to worry.

-Is that OK if we postpone?

-Of course.

My leatherette trousers will just have to stay in mothballs a while longer.

As Mrs...

Um, as your teacher said,

my name's Adam Batty,

and I'm a barrister.

They say that your school days are...

Um, they say that your school days are the best...

'Fatty! Fatty! Fatty!

'Fatty! Fatty! Fatty!

'Fatty! Fatty!'

..um...are the best days of your life.

'Fatty! Fatty!

'Fatty! Fatty! Fatty!'

It's the weirdest thing. I feel sick before any kind of public speaking.

Then once I'm doing it, I have a blast.

So it wasn't the wine earlier, just stage-fright?

Our resident graffiti artist - caught on CCTV.

Happy?

I've informed his parents of an immediate and indefinite exclusion.

That's not necessary. There's no damage.

We like to send out a clear message.

Bad behaviour will always be met with zero tolerance.

A more liberal approach helps no-one, least of all the pupil.

Headmaster, it's Mr Batty.

'Fatty! Fatty! Fatty!'

Please...stop it.

'Fatty! Fatty! Fatty!'

Just shut up!

What's got into him?

You all right, mate? Want to get some fresh air?

Er, no. No, thanks.

I'm fine, really.

Sorry. Um, I seem to have lost my thread.

Lost more than that.

I'm going to carry on.

They say that your school days are the best days of your life.

Maybe they are, for a lot of people.

I spent my school days here, at Norbrook.

The first few months were OK, and then...

What's he blithering on about?

Then something happened.

It was a Thursday afternoon, double PE.

I'd had a bad cold, and I handed the teacher a sick note from my mum.

He's meant to be talking about his job.

"If you're fit to come to school," he said, "you're fit enough to do PE."

Let's hear him out, shall we?

I just remember the way he looked me up and down.

It was an expression of such disgust.

Real disdain.

"You could use the exercise," he said.

Um...I was overweight.

I didn't have my PE kit,

so the teacher told me to strip down to my pants

and do ten laps of the sports hall.

So that's what I did, or what I tried to do,

much to the amusement of my classmates.

After that, I was known as Fatty Batty.

I wasn't just teased,

I was ostracised.

I wasn't fit to be on anyone's team.

The teacher had made that clear.

Like a lot of bullies, he's done very well for himself.

Yes, look - see.

Given her weight and her mobility problems,

DVT is a distinct possibility.

Why didn't I think of that?

Cellulitis has similar clinical features. It's easy to miss.

I like your powers of diplomacy.

-Thanks.

-You're welcome.

Oh, Karen mentioned about your girls' night out tomorrow.

Would three be a crowd?

No, it absolutely wouldn't be. But she's just cancelled.

Rob made her a better offer.

That's a shame.

Unless we tear up the town on our own.

OK. Yeah, you're on.

My experiences here could have so easily destroyed me.

You know, for a while they did,

but in the end, I had to grow up,

get a thicker skin.

And now -

now I spend much of my time sticking up for victims of negligence,

aggression, bullying.

I hope you enjoy your time at school more than I did.

Thank you.

OK! OK, that's enough. Thank you!

Be quiet. Thank you. Sit down!

Thank you to Mr Batty for sharing his thoughts with us.

It's been 20 years since he attended the school.

Perhaps it's not surprising, then, that his memory is unreliable.

PUPILS: Boo!

The '80s theme was for Karen's benefit, right?

Why don't we ditch that and go for something more contemporary?

OK.

But I do want to dance, only I have to warn you that my music

collection never really got beyond the '90s.

Your music collection? Would that be CDs now, or cassettes?

-An MP3, thank you.

-Go, girl - cutting edge!

So you'll take me to all Letherbridge's fashionable hot-spots?

Can't wait!

Are you free on Thursday too?

Sure. I know nuns with busier social lives.

Well, look - why don't you come round for dinner?

I'll ask some of the others and it'll give you a chance to

get to know them better.

Like an ice-breaker?

Yeah, if you like. The staff room's not the most conducive atmosphere,

and well - you know, come round, have something to eat.

We can drink Heston's Chianti.

And you'll see them in a whole new light.

-Should I be scared?

-No, we'll have a giggle.

Even Jimmi lets his hair down when he's had a drink.

You're sure it's not too much trouble?

Not at all. It's just what I need.

Sounds great. Bring it on!

Nice one, mate. That took a lot of nerve.

Maybe I should've stuck to jurisprudence.

No. It needed to be said.

-What was all that about?

-Just settling an old score.

Airing sour grapes, more like.

If I'd known you bore this irrational grudge,

then I never would have invited you.

I have no recollection of what you described. It didn't happen.

Bullies rarely dwell on their experiences.

It's their victims who remember.

I should sue you. Public defamation of character!

Go ahead. I happen to know a good lawyer.

Unbelievable! I spend 20 years slogging my guts out,

climbing the greasy pole, gaining respect,

only for him to destroy my reputation, in the blink of an eye.

God help me if the governors get wind of this.

Yeah. Schools have to send out a clear message about bullying.

Zero tolerance.

'The Mill Health Centre. How may I help?'

Hi, Mrs Tembe. It's Rob Hollins.

Remember that councillor I mentioned? I found his number.

'I know you told me that you had a good support network,

'but I thought you might like to make'

a note of it.

'Yes, very well.'

-M'hm?

-Right. It is 0121 496 0274.

-That is most considerate.

-'That's OK. Right. Bye.'

-Oh, Sergeant Hollins?

While you are there, can I ask your opinion on something

in your capacity as a police officer?

Of course, go on.

Do you that it is possible for a violent criminal to change?

'Ah!'

The 64,000 dollar question. Why do you ask?

It is a matter of some debate at church.

'Well, it is possible, of course.'

Anybody who works in the criminal justice system would tell you

that they have to believe that people have the capacity for change.

Yes. I quite agree.

'But in my direct experience, I would say that violent men -

'and women, for that matter - never change, fundamentally.'

The violence might eventually stop,

but I don't think that those urges ever go away.

But what do I know!

Well, er...thank you, Sgt Hollins. That was most illuminating.

-Good night.

-'Yeah, OK.'

I've got a robbery in progress. IC1 male.

Intend to pursue.

Ooh, wow!

They offer "exquisite modern French cuisine", tres cool.

Is that easel supposed to have something on it?

We just got had.

Here he is.