The Larry Wrigglesworth Affair Doctors

DOOR OPENS

Evening.

Evening, Officer.

Do you mind me asking what you're doing here?

I'm not parked somewhere I shouldn't?

No, it's just you appeared to be hiding from somebody just now?

Hiding?

I dropped a mint, bent down to pick it up.

And you're here because...?

I was supposed to be picking up a friend.

But... must have missed them.

I'll give them a call, see what's happened.

Good... thank you.

I'm ever so sorry about letting you down tonight.

-Don't be silly. Anyway, do you know which restaurant Rob's going to take you to yet?

-No, he still won't say.

Sounds romantic!

Makes me realise why I fell in love with him in the first place.

Aww, Karen!

SHE LAUGHS

Well, I am going to get very drunk and have some fun tonight.

Oh, yeah, Niamh said you're going clubbing?

You're welcome to join us? We're going to try the Roxy.

Oh, no, not really my scene.

I saw Culture Club there.

I missed most of the concert, because I got stuck in the toilet.

I'm amazed it's still going.

Yeah...I don't think it is.

Since then it's been Lucinda's,

then that closed down and then it became Dream and now it's Haven.

Well, is it any good?

Kind of a mixed crowd, so to speak.

Hopefully, not everybody will be trying to twerk.

LAUGHTER

Twerk, what's twerk?

THEY CHUCKLE

No, really, what is twerking?

LAUGHTER

What...?

WHISTLING AND OWL HOOTS

FOOTSTEPS

7514 to Control.

Control to 7514, over.

I've got a robbery in progress. IC1 male.

Intend to pursue.

What's your location?

Letherbridge Gallery. Can you send backup?

Most officers are at the match tonight

and there's been some trouble.

Is there any immediate threat to persons?

Probably not.

OK, proceed with caution.

We'll send a unit as soon as we can, but it might take some time.

DOOR CLOSES

WHISPERS: Come on, where are you?

Show yourself.

CLATTERING

Sod it.

ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

Oh, thank you...

..thank you very much.

Great, thanks.

You wouldn't believe the shift I've had today,

half the station covering tonight's game.

Why is it that every time Letherbridge...?

Can we not talk about work.

You're right, sorry, love.

I wish you'd use your glasses.

I don't need 'em.

SHE CHUCKLES

Oooh, they offer "exquisite modern French cuisine", tres cool.

-WHISPERS:

-Tres expensive, also.

My pleasure.

-Is it?

-Uh-hm.

Ton suit est bon.

Suit? What's that in English?

-This, you ninny!

-Oh, suit!

It's the extent of my CSE French.

You can remember more than I can.

So, you like it?

I thought I'd make a bit of an effort, you know.

You look very, very nice, love.

Bet you didn't take me anywhere like this when we first got together.

That's true... but now we can. What is wrong with spoiling ourselves?

Sure it wasn't you who had the bang on the head?

Hm...

THEY CHUCKLE

HE GRUNTS

CLATTERING

WHISPERING: Here he is!

HE GROANS

BANG

What's "Assiette" of pork?

It's, er, different cuts. I think, well, I know,

like belly, leg, cheek...

It's very tasty.

Oh, come on, Mr Superchef, help me out here?

What would you recommend?

For you "Calamars a la Setoise".

Squid. I don't like the sound of that!

Trust me, you will love it. You've not always been a fan until you tried it in Tenerife.

And then it became one of your favourites.

OK. If you have...

"Escargots a la Bordelais".

No, no way!

THEY CHUCKLE

Go on.

Come on, think, man, think.

DANCE MUSIC

I feel a bit over-dressed.

You look great. It's not quite what I expected though.

No wonder! It's student night.

Oh, God!

No worries.

I don't really 'do' clubs any more.

Yeah, I kind of guessed.

Oh, is it that obvious? Maybe we could....

you know, go somewhere else?

Or call it a night?

You're easy. We're going nowhere. This is brilliant!

What? Dancing with a bunch of 20-year-olds?

You get students of all ages.

I went to medical school with a woman who was over 40.

Oh, that old(?)

Dust off the cobwebs and let's get a drink.

We'll have two Comfortable Screws, please.

FOOTBALL MATCH ON TV

Yes!

Oi, are you in charge of security?

You are shining that right in my eyes.

Sorry.

Yeah, the other guy's off sick. I'm Jett. What's going on?

Officer Bellamy.

We need to get the lights back on straightaway.

The lights are off?

The CCTV, didn't you see the break-in?

Oh, man!

-There's a suspect on the premises.

-Well, where is he now?

He gave me the slip.

HE SCOFFS QUIETLY

SC... that's special constable, isn't it?

Yes...

So you're not a proper copper, then?

Maybe we should just put a call in, wait for the real guys to show up?

I already have.

Most of the police are at that match on crowd-control.

So, in the meantime, I'm sure the two of us can handle things.

Now, he seems to know what he's doing.

Now, what do you think he's after?

I don't know, the whole place is full of stuff, isn't it?

I mean the most valuable things.

The Higson Gallery - I recognise some names there.

Why don't we rendezvous there when we get the lights back up

and running. Here...

Take one of these and keep in contact at all times.

Do you think this is going to take long?

It's just the game...

Yeah, right..

Thank you.

It doesn't look as nice as the starter.

Go on, give it a go.

It's all right...

SHE LAUGHS

It's lovely! It's really good, I love it!

-You're really clever.

-Hidden depths!

Thank you... for this and for everything.

For sticking by me all these months.

Especially after I was so horrible.

I wouldn't quite put it that way.

I was, I was horrible to you.

See, if it had been the other way round

-I don't think I'd have been so patient.

-Possibly not.

I didn't know what I was doing.

Everything felt wrong - being married, being middle-aged.

But I didn't stop to think how hard it was for you.

-You had enough to deal with.

-I know, but so did you.

You had a wife who didn't remember ANYTHING about you.

I couldn't even bear to be in the same room as you.

-I'm stubborn.

-Well, it means a lot.

This is Officer Bellamy, Jett, do you copy?

Jett, can you hear me?

STATIC

-Is this switched on?

-Yes. I can hear!

Great.

Have you found a fuse board yet?

Ah, yeah, but there are loads of switches.

I didn't know which one to push.

-Well... have you got it in front of you?

-No, I gave up.

All right, look, I'm going to have to come and have a look. Where are you?

I'm just on my way back to you now.

SCORE BUILDS

Hang on... I see someone.

Jett?

Wait, let me get closer.

Approach with caution.

He's right in front of me.

I repeat, approach with caution.

SCORE REACHES CRESCENDO

Yah!

HE SIGHS

HEAVY BEAT

SHE MOUTHS

I'm really sorry, man.

With your torch off, I didn't know it was you.

Yes, well, I was employing the tactic of pulse flashing.

That way, the intruder wouldn't know where I was.

Or me.

Yeah, well, I'll live.

HE SIGHS

Is that easel supposed to have something on it?

We just got had.

We need to get that power back on,

before this guy snatches anything else!

Come on, we came here to dance!

I will, I'm just waiting for the right moment.

The right what...?!

Doesn't matter.

You need to let your hair down, woman.

Who's that? I think he wants you.

Some postgrad doing biogenesis. Who cares, he's cute!

You know what, you go on. Have some fun.

-OK, but next time, I'm not taking no for an answer.

-OK!

Sorry, sorry, excuse me.

Large gin and tonic, please.

Right this should be the one.

Right...

let's work out his modus operandi?

His what...?

Working out his route so far...

Impressive.

Right, we know he was here... and here.

So he's heading that way?

Why, what's down there?

Er, just a small visiting exhibition, I think.

Anything of particular worth?

African art. Clothing, pottery and stuff.

I think I did hear the director banging on about some

little gold statue.

It's thousands of years old, apparently.

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

ALARM BLARES

It's gone.

Right, now the alarm's gone off, he'll be doing a runner.

Which is the quickest way to get back to where he came in?

Hi. I'm Gareth.

-Emma.

-So, you're not a student either?

Maybe I am.

I came here with a couple of young bucks from the office,

but, to be totally honest,

I'm feeling like a real fish out of water.

I was recommended by a guy at work who knows all the clubs,

but he didn't tell me that Tuesday was student night.

HE CHUCKLES

Right now, I could wring his neck!

This isn't exactly my idea of a night out but...

things seem to be improving.

Oh, they do, do they?

THEY CHUCKLE

Well, unless you want to join the loonies on the dance floor?

SHE CHUCKLES

No, I don't know about you, but I can't dance to this stuff.

Me, neither.

But, judging from this lot,

it definitely doesn't seem to be a problem!

-See that guy over there.

-Yeah.

He's dreadful, you know what...

he has made a play for every girl in the place.

HE CHUCKLES

Whoa, that woman's not holding back.

No. How would you describe her dancing?

Miley Cyrus meets the Birdie Song.

LAUGHTER

I mean, someone should just tell her, put her out of her misery.

Oh, well, that would have to be me.

What?

She's my friend.

I'm sorry, Emma, III didn't...

No, no, I'm teasing.

To be honest, I don't know her that well,

it's the first time we've been out together.

And, well, I didn't realise she had quite so much joie de vivre!

LAUGHTER

That's, certainly one way of putting it.

Oh, she knows how to have a good time.

You know, and so should we. Drink?

-Don't mind if I do!

-All right.

Let's be grateful for what we've got, and not take

-anything for granted from now on, yeah?

-Deal.

And I was thinking... we should do something special, and really eat like the French do.

I thought that's what we were doing?

No, I'm talking about booking a weekend in Paris.

-Ooh, la, la!

-MOBILE RINGS

-Can we have a boat ride on the river?

-Hold on a sec'.

-No, leave it.

-I can't, it's Immie.

Hi, love.

ALARM CONTINUES

Wait, wait...

What are you doing?

I thought he'd get off now.

I fixed it so he can't get out.

So he's trapped?

He's running off that way. What's down there?

Er... the back exit.

We need to get ahead of him. Which is the quickest way there?

Er, back through the Higson. Come on.

I'm arresting you for breaking and entering and on suspicion of theft.

What's your name?

Turn it off, will you? Turn the alarm off!

Name?

Oh, waiting for a friend, are you(?)

I'm going to have to search you.

Where have you stashed the painting?

And the statue?

ALARM STOPS

Right, what's your name?

I can get it from the car registration

so you're not doing yourself any good.

Larry Wrigglesworth.

Right, Larry, where have you hidden them?

Shouldn't you be asking security?

If pieces have gone missing, it's their responsibility.

Hey. Don't get smart.

We're talking about valuable pieces of art that've been stolen.

Stolen's a very big word and something I'm not guilty of.

Let's go and have a look then, shall we?

Jett, meet us upstairs, in the visiting gallery.

Will do, over.

Really...? OK. Yeah.

Immie's had her purse stolen from some bar.

-She's put it down on the table for a second and someone's nicked it. Can you believe it?

-No.

I'm just telling your mum.

Have you reported it stolen?

OK. Who are you with?

Right, well, OK. That's good, because you're going to need to

borrow some money to get home, aren't you?

At least she's with her mates. Karen...?

What?

Oh, yeah, and have you got your address in your purse?

Well, well, that's a relief, then.

You're going to need to cancel those cards as soon as you get home.

Have you got the numbers or do you need help with that?

You DO realise your daughter's in trouble here?

'Course I do!

OK... let me think...

Er...

Hello, where's Mr... Biogenesis thingy?

Gone off with someone else.

No!

Always happens to me.

They have a laugh with me and then

they disappear at the end of the night with a nice, quiet girl.

Aren't you going to introduce me?

Oh, sorry...

Niamh, Gareth. Gareth, Niamh.

Pleasure to meet you.

We were just discussing our ideal night out.

LAUGHTER

You can't beat a ceilidh, I know, I know, but it's total madness!

You've got my vote!

OK, folks, I'm going to love you and leave you.

No, no, no... you can't go!

Stay. And you can tell me tomorrow what you decide...

Your perfect night out.

Oh, OK, I will.

SHE LAUGHS

We don't have to limit ourselves to the UK, right?

Oh, you're thinking more exotic? I'm liking this.

Yeah, I'm thinking...

um, a Bedouin tent in an Arabian desert.

Sipping champagne at a sky bar in Bangkok?

Oh, have you been?

I certainly have.

I've yet to do that one, but... beat this...

Standing on a mountain

looking at the Northern Lights!

Hm...

Care to illuminate?

No?

Something there?

Painting stashed somewhere close-by, no doubt?

Who do you think you are, Thomas Crown?

So, when did they fire you then?

Come on, you're over familiar with the building,

you knew where to break in, how to cut the power off.

And you've got some sort of issue with security.

Larry?

I took over from him two weeks ago.

We did a bit of a handover.

Waste of time that was.

The kid hasn't got a clue.

He only got the job through nepotism.

His uncle's the director.

Yeah, I'll be talking to him about tonight.

You can't tell him...

he'll do his nut!

He's the one in the wrong here.

So what was the idea then... make it look like a robbery,

then tip the police off?

The pieces were bound to turn up eventually.

Dropping Jett in it.

If you hadn't got involved,

he wouldn't have even known I was here, staring at that gadget of his!

Intelligence is worth much more than youth

when it comes to security work.

My uncle just said you were getting a bit past it.

No need for that.

Go on...

Right.

Larry Wrigglesworth, I am arresting you for breaking and entering.

You can't! I'll never work in security again.

Well, you should've thought about that.

No-one will touch me. It's me life!

I'm sorry.

I don't know what's wrong with me,

what's been happening these last couple of weeks.

Yeah, well, losing your job was bound to hit you pretty hard.

What have I done?

What was I thinking?

You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention

when questioned something which you later rely on in court.

Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

It's too much for her to deal with, on her own.

She'll be OK. You said she was with mates.

Yeah, but they're young, and you know what that's like.

Maybe I should go down tonight?

To London?! That's a bit over the top?

-Over the top, what do you mean?

-She's a grown woman.

Yeah, and so are you. This is your daughter we're talking about.

-What kind of mother are you?

-What?!

You know what...? For months and months and months

you haven't wanted to talk about YOUR kids.

-I've gone along with that, because I though it wasn't your fault.

-It isn't.

But I'm starting to think now it's because you don't want to.

You'd prefer it if they'd didn't exist.

-And that turns my stomach.

-But it was you on the phone.

Right, there you go, that should cover it.

You can't leave? How am I supposed to get home?

You'll be all right. You're a grown woman!

WOMAN STARTS

-What took you so long?

-Traffic after the match.

-Did they win?

-4-0.

Come on.

I'll see you.

RADIO CHATTER

I'm sure I just saw aurora borealis.

No. How drunk are you?!

Is this us?

Home sweet home.

Yeah, I love old houses. How long have you had it?

Let me show you around.

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

SHE SIGHS

LAUGHTER

You have a very lovely place. Lovely!

LAUGHTER

Yes, I do.

HE GRUNTS

SHE LAUGHS

Very nice.

Angelica Harley. I have an appointment with Howard Bellamy.

-Oh, yes.

-It IS you!

Heston!

I sometimes wonder if Bennie hadn't come along if...

LAUGHTER

Hey, am I missing something?

No. We were just talking about...

Emma's love life.

She's been a naughty girl...!