Perfect Doctors


Perfect

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Will you look at that?!

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I am definitely a lemon juice and baking soda girl from now on.

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Can't wait to show everybody,

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and all the freebies.

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I'm going to put them up there. They're going to look great.

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I thought tonight was about supporting Valerie

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and taking everyone's mind off Howard?

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Not showcasing our new kitchen.

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Uh...

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If it's our new kitchen, how come you're leaving?

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I told you. The Federation rep changed his visit

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at the last minute.

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The last minute being when I told you that this was happening?

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Maybe. I'm disappointed.

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I would much rather stay here, sinking a beer

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and watching Valerie do her burp-the-sandwich-box routine,

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and messing up all your surfaces.

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It's not just any old sandwich box - Cook's Heaven.

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And I thought they were our surfaces.

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Bye.

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Brochures, spoon, apron.

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Nerves...not needed.

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Hair, make-up.

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Inspire them to be seduced.

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Be what they want to become.

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You are a domestic goddess, always grace under pressure.

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Welcome to the Cook's Heaven experience. I'm delighted

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to see such a range of potential Angels here today.

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We have been tagged with that yummy-mummy label,

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which can be so limiting.

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Good cooking in a perfect environment is for everyone.

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Hello, um, excuse me, is this the Brunswick Room?

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Because I was sent to the Arndale Suite,

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and that turned out to be a stairlift convention.

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Yes. Brunswick, Cook's Heaven. Like you, we were moved.

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Right. I'm Valerie Pitman, here to earn my halo.

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Well, HALO, Valerie, we're just getting started.

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Quickly now, anywhere will do.

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As I was saying,

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I'm Trisha, I'm your coordinator for the Greater Midlands area.

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Your guardian Angel, so to speak.

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Karen, this is lovely.

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It looks like a showroom.

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Everything I've bought will look right at home here.

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That's the plan. I've been looking at the brochure again.

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I just need to pop some things in the fridge.

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And there's a couple of things that I've marked, cos I fancy them.

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VALERIE GASPS Karen!

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It's like the TARDIS. This is ideal for the very popular canape platter,

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page 23. Saves you having to lay things out at the last minute.

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Do you know what? Will you tell me about the ice-cream maker?

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I tried some, specially made for a demo.

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Would you believe it, lavender ice cream?

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Colour? Flavour.

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It was like an English garden on your tongue, and so easy to make.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Ohh! Are you all set?

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Oh! A Cook's Heaven Angel is always ready.

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Leave them in no doubt that a Cook's Heaven recommended product, be it

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a state-of-the-art ice-cream maker or a humble whisk, is a product

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designed to make every culinary experience stress-free and a joy.

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How is their life complete without one?

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How do they become you -

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the embodiment of the perfect hostess, without what you

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have to offer, as you lead them through the luxury brochure?

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It is important to establish a connection with your party group

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from the word go,

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to inspire them to be seduced.

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Good evening, Miss Pitman.

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Welcome to your Cook's Heaven.

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Ah. This is a wonderful kitchen to cook in.

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I'm really looking forward to this. I'm ever so glad you could come.

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I thought it would be a nice way to get to meet everyone.

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I mean, we are going to be working together soon.

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The more, the merrier.

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We are waiting for approval from St Philomena's.

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Oh, but it's only a formality. Not quite.

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Is this hard to clean? Not if you know how.

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Cook's Heaven also have a list of approved cleaning products.

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You only need three things to keep a spotless kitchen.

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White vinegar, lemon juice and baking soda.

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That's what I used!

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I heard it is also very good for water spots...

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If you just want to take a moment to look at the brochures...

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Look at that, look at that! I'll be back in a sec.

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Vinegar... Well, I didn't, I used lemon.

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Deep breath.

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I am in my element.

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I am the wind beneath my own Angel wings.

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I didn't know you could make it.

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I'm not putting you out, am I?

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No, no, it's more of a party this way.

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It's fine. I just needed to get out of the house.

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But no quiet looks of concern or sympathetic hugs, please.

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Yeah, sure, come on. Come and sit down.

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You are in good company here.

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Karen, she's not as strong as she looks, but she's a lot less...

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Sad? Well, closed off. But let's just keep an eye on her.

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OK.

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Hello, everyone. So who is ready to meet the Heavenly Stirrer?

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Emma!

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Emma. What's the Heavenly Stirrer?

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Oh, it's just a little game, sort of an ice-breaker.

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Oh, sounds like fun.

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This suddenly got way more interesting.

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Ah, I didn't know they let feminists into kitchenware parties!

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I hope you've left your placards at home, ladies.

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Yeah, in the drawer with the burning bras(!)

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I'm sure we're all independent women here tonight.

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I'm sure we all enjoy a well-prepared meal.

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I'm desperate to know what the Heavenly Stirrer is.

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Right, let's get started.

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Meet the Heavenly Stirrer, our unofficial mascot.

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She stirs up fun, she scoops up the distracted.

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You hand her out at random and tell them whenever you say a keyword,

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like "stir" or "bake", the spoon is passed to the next person.

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Like pass the parcel?

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Exactly! And whoever has the spoon at the end of the party wins

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a prize. So who decides the word?

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Because if you're doing your presentation to friends,

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how do you make sure it doesn't look rigged?

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You've led us to an important point there, Valerie.

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When you are representing Cook's Heaven,

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try not to think in terms of friends. You are at work, these

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are your clients, these are contacts to arrange future gatherings.

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But... Always be networking. Spread your wings, ladies,

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and always keep one ideal in front of you - they want to buy,

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you want to make that happen.

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And don't be afraid to fly high, ladies.

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Show them that you are the person they should aspire to be.

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So whenever I say the word "perfect"...

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Pass the spoon. I've got it.

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Now, I don't know about you, but I sometimes find it a chore

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being a busy career woman and

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yet still finding the time to have the perfect meal...

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Ah, yeah.

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..ready on the table for my man when he gets home.

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As a busy career woman, I'd expect him to pitch in.

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Too right.

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But men never get anything right in the kitchen, do they?

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They don't know where anything is.

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It's not like you need to draw them a map.

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I mean, it's here, it's there.

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They're so unadventurous with food, aren't they?

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Let us not forget the achievements of Sergeant Hollins, who

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could teach us all a thing or two about cooking, including his wife.

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Maybe you could change your spiel for your audience tonight?

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We're all pretty much single career women.

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Yep, yep, we are. To be honest, most of the presentations I've done

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so far have been for older ladies.

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With families. Who have dinner parties?

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And like everything to be perfect, yes.

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Cos they're trying to get one up on their snotty friends.

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I had a neighbour like that once.

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Yes, but with a kitchen kitted out with fully tried-and-tested products

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from Cook's Heaven, that would never happen.

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Now, to our first activity.

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How about the food mixer?

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Perfect.

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Now, who's going to volunteer?

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Let's get mixing.

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How about Ayesha?

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Lure you away from that pierce-and-ping cuisine, shall we?

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Give her some encouragement?

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THEY CHEER Show us your cupcakes!

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So, how often have you wavered over buying something - be it a blouse

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or some shoes, and actually picking it up was the decider?

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All the smooth talk in the world is no match for getting them

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to try the products.

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So, role-play. May I have a volunteer?

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Valerie.

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TRISHA LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY

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Don't worry, you'll all be up here at some point, see if you're not!

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So, how do we convince them this particular product is desirable?

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I know. You find its USP.

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That's unique selling point.

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All products are carefully selected by Cook's Heaven.

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They are all unique, full stop.

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It's easy to clean, it's practical, it will

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pay for itself in a short space of time.

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You make them feel good about using it,

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then they tell others how they feel,

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and they want to try it too.

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Sort of a shared experience... No, aspirational.

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Talk about the trim lines, the ergonomic design,

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just how good it will look in their kitchen.

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Well, you don't know that unless you've seen their kitchen.

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Make love to the product!

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Make them love it, too.

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Ooh.

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Ooh, it's sleek...

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It's...sporty...

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Liquid should be added gradually to a batter mix.

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Karen, tonight, I am your kitchen Angel, so let me wipe

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while you take a look at

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the indestructible plastic kitchenware range.

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Now, these containers I understand are made from a material also

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used in the NASA space programme.

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For the day trips, probably, you know, packed lunches...

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I thought they had liquid meals, anyway, astronauts?

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No, it's scientifically developed plastic, it's resistant to

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extreme temperatures for the Space Shuttle.

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That's impressive.

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Well, no, this is just a small part of the range.

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You will find something here that's perfect for any kitchen.

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Spoon!

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I've got it. I haven't had it yet.

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Now, from outer space to out of this world.

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These are designed to meet the high demands of Japan's top chefs.

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For sushi? I love sushi.

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I'll make you some. Well, you could do it in half the time with these.

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Now, I could get a great deal of use from this.

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These will make any chef's life complete.

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Ergonomic handles, single bevel blade

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so the food does not stick.

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I am cutting on a bestselling rubberwood chopping board,

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although for the more ambitious amongst you,

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these knives are an ideal accompaniment

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for our exclusive range of sushi kits.

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So, one product leads to another?

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Well spotted. Work your presentations organically.

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Start with something simple,

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then build to the more ambitious products as you go.

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But how sharp are they, I hear you ask?

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How sharp are they, Trisha?

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This is one of my favourite bits. Guaranteed sales every time,

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ladies, but don't try it until you're fully confident.

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Now, just to prove how sharp they are,

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I'm going to slice this cucumber in mid-air.

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How exciting is this?! Yes, just be careful.

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ALARM BLARES

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SCREAMING

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Mrs Tembe!

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My goodness, what do you think you are doing?!

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Mrs Tembe, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.

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Is this how it normally goes? Cos this is a riot.

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Do you ever hold parties where no-one's biting, so to speak?

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You make sure that never happens.

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Keep things going, keep the demos fun, keep everyone involved.

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What would you do in a worst-case scenario?

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I do like to know I'm fully prepared.

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Preparation is the whole point. Failure to plan is

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planning to fail.

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Take everything I say on board and your fears will be unfounded.

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Well, it was a bit long but not deep,

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so I don't think there's any need for stitches, all right?

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Well, it's not going very well downstairs.

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I think that's par for the course when Valerie's involved.

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Miss Pitman? It is not going too badly.

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Really?

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Wow.

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The crab puffs won't all fit on the tray.

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Shove them back in the fridge, ta.

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Thought you said these were indestructible.

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Well, it must be a faulty one because, honestly, you can

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put them in the microwave, the freezer,

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they are dishwasher proof.

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If you get a set of these, you will never buy replacements,

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they'll see us all out.

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In fact... SHE LAUGHS

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..plan ahead, save on costs and get buried in one!

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SHE LAUGHS

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Emma... Don't.

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What's up? Another Cook's Heaven moment.

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How's your arm? It's all fixed up.

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I really am very sorry, Mrs Tembe. It was an accident.

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Dr Donoghue assures me it is not serious.

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Karen, is there anything else we can do to help?

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The crab puffs are in. Oh, I'll top everyone up.

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I am aware that this evening has been far from perfect...

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Spoon!

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Who had it last? I did. I must have put it down somewhere.

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Did you take it upstairs? I am sure it will turn up.

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I don't know, it does have wings.

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But the prize! I don't know what the prize is.

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And does the hostess get one?

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Mrs Hollins, is that all this evening is to you?

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Something for nothing?

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No.

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We're supporting Valerie.

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There is more to life than placemats and olive-stoners.

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Anything can happen to anyone at any time - look at poor Mr Bellamy.

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Are you OK?

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I knew this was a bad idea.

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No, I'm fine. I had to face the world sooner or later.

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She is a bit of a nightmare, isn't she?

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No!

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Oh, what now?

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My finger's stuck. Are you sure?

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No! My ring! Ow!

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No, no. You're making it...

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Ow!

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Ow! Flamin' Ada!

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Valerie, have you got the instructions?

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We need some washing-up liquid.

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That's Rob's beer, put it back in the fridge!

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Miss Pitman, some washing-up liquid, please!

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Please stop!

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Everybody just please stop!

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I'll take the starter kit and all the recommended models

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in the top ten categories.

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I am sold. You had me at "halo", to be honest.

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And I'm a professional to my fingertips in everything I do.

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I'll be gunning for your job, just you wait and see.

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You think it's easy? Wave a knife, flash them a smile

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and they simply fall at your feet?

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I'm no stranger to the complexities of selling...or the kitchen.

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Prove it.

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I only wanted a whisk.

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Just a simple whisk.

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And I found Cook's Heaven, and it changed my life.

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Because I needed something.

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Life was bad.

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I lost the sales rep job after a month.

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Couldn't face going back to medical temping.

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I was managing the desk at a sewage treatment works

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until I came back to the Mill.

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I thought this would be my way out,

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but I am heavily in debt.

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You have to buy all this stuff.

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That's another thing that Ashley and I are fighting about.

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At each other's throats all the time.

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Sex is a disaster.

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I haven't had my socks blown off since last Easter.

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THEY STIFLE LAUGHTER

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And that was more to do with chocolate than with Ashley.

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They're all useless at the end of the day, aren't they?

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Life is just grief and misery with or without them.

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I mean, you get more and more desperate.

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But still, there's a tiny little part of you that's thinking,

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"Could I make a better cheese sauce if I only had

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"a new rolled steel whisk?!"

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Oh! When does it start to go right?

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When do you get to that point where you've finally arrived

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and you can put all the uncertainty behind you?

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Because whenever it is, you can bet that it doesn't begin with

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choosing the right...bloody whisk!

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Everyone here has the potential to achieve Cook's Heaven's status

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and, ultimately, we want your clients to see someone who embodies

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what we represent.

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A Cook's Heaven Angel can host a dinner party at a moment's notice.

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She has absolute faith in her kitchenware.

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It will never fail her, just as I know you will not let me down.

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You will be grace under pressure.

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I know this because you are learning from the best.

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I have been Regional Sales Coordinator of the Year

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four years running, an award they don't hand out lightly.

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One more top sales award and I'm off to Cook's Heaven, Arizona,

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where I achieve Archangel status.

0:19:520:19:56

So, come on, ladies, don't fail me,

0:19:560:19:59

let's fill the kitchens of the Midlands with Angels!

0:19:590:20:04

Hey.

0:20:100:20:11

How are you doing?

0:20:130:20:15

I'll be down in a minute.

0:20:150:20:17

Mustn't keep you all waiting. Oh...

0:20:170:20:19

Suppose everyone's talking about me.

0:20:230:20:26

"That's just Valerie being Valerie."

0:20:260:20:30

Actually, they're all wondering where you buy that chocolate from.

0:20:300:20:33

RHUMA LAUGHS

0:20:330:20:36

That was some outburst. I mean, I've always though she was a bit...

0:20:360:20:41

Frustrated?

0:20:410:20:43

Nurse Lee!

0:20:430:20:44

Tightly wound.

0:20:440:20:46

It sounds like she's been holding on to a lot for an awfully long time.

0:20:460:20:50

Yeah, but all the time giving us this "princess homemaker" routine.

0:20:500:20:55

It's terrible,

0:20:550:20:57

but it kind of makes you feel better about your own problems. Really?

0:20:570:21:02

Well, what do any of us have that makes us feel so superior?

0:21:020:21:05

You're not the first person to try and paper over

0:21:080:21:11

the cracks in a relationship.

0:21:110:21:13

I've seen people try all sorts, from feng shui to having a baby.

0:21:130:21:17

I've got a cat. Not that I regret it.

0:21:170:21:21

But they're not really fixing anything, are they?

0:21:210:21:26

You know, fixating on a whisk,

0:21:260:21:28

that's not confronting the real problem.

0:21:280:21:30

Like, you think I should have made Ashley go and choose one?

0:21:320:21:36

Take some responsibility?

0:21:360:21:38

Yeah, yes, sort of.

0:21:390:21:42

Hey. Look what I found.

0:21:470:21:50

Where was that? It was upstairs.

0:21:500:21:52

How did it get there?

0:21:520:21:54

Well, it's back now, so...let's get the evening back on track.

0:21:550:22:00

Do you know, I think we've all had enough. I agree.

0:22:000:22:04

Oh. Well, we'll just chalk it up to experience.

0:22:040:22:09

I'll sort out what you've won.

0:22:110:22:13

No, I was thinking... It says here, "Should a prize-winner decide

0:22:130:22:18

"not to receive a free gift, Cook's Heaven can make an equivalent

0:22:180:22:22

"donation to a charity of your choice."

0:22:220:22:25

If that's what you'd like?

0:22:250:22:27

And I thought...

0:22:270:22:30

research into aneurysms...

0:22:300:22:32

Well, perhaps we could all make an additional donation on top of this.

0:22:320:22:37

That's a lovely idea. We'll be happy to.

0:22:400:22:43

Yes.

0:22:430:22:45

Good call, Karen. Count me in.

0:22:450:22:46

So it's all gone a bit... THEY LAUGH

0:22:460:22:51

Well, feel free to cheer us up. Oh, no, no, no...

0:22:510:22:53

Come on, new girl! Potential new staff member.

0:22:530:22:57

OK, your categories are - medical or kitchen.

0:22:570:23:01

OK, well, I once got the nickname Sister Spin Dry...

0:23:020:23:06

CLATTERING

0:23:060:23:08

Valerie... You know your indestructible pasta-maker?

0:23:090:23:14

Not Ayesha proof, I take it?

0:23:140:23:17

Is anything?

0:23:170:23:18

LAUGHTER

0:23:180:23:22

CHEERING ON TV

0:23:220:23:23

Hook 'im! Go on!

0:23:230:23:25

Get into 'im!

0:23:250:23:27

PHONE RINGS

0:23:270:23:29

POSH VOICE: Trisha McBride.

0:23:310:23:33

Trisha, Angel Valerie here. Sorry to ring you so late.

0:23:330:23:37

Valerie, what can I do for you?

0:23:370:23:40

Well, I just wondered if you could explain the insurance procedures

0:23:400:23:43

to me for work-related accidents, kitchen mishaps, broken products...

0:23:430:23:48

You're an independent trader, Valerie.

0:23:480:23:51

Insurance is a personal responsibility.

0:23:510:23:53

So there's no company...umbrella?

0:23:530:23:56

It's in the small print of the agreement you signed.

0:23:560:23:58

Cook's Heaven accepts no liability, etc.

0:23:580:24:02

Not even for products that you've approved that are supposed to

0:24:020:24:04

be indestructible?

0:24:040:24:06

Well, I'm sure the manufacturer can replace it for a cover fee.

0:24:060:24:09

Whatever were you doing with said product?

0:24:090:24:12

Oh, nothing. Someone got their fingers caught in...

0:24:120:24:15

Caught?!

0:24:150:24:17

I shudder to think about your demo technique, Valerie.

0:24:170:24:21

Valerie, have you considered that perhaps you might not be

0:24:210:24:24

Cook's Heaven material after all? Just after one incident?

0:24:240:24:28

Your product orders in the last month have been very anaemic.

0:24:280:24:32

Do you know how to go for the kill? I'd understand

0:24:320:24:36

if you wanted to call it a day.

0:24:360:24:38

There's no shame in it. It's not for everyone.

0:24:380:24:41

And maybe being a Cook's Heaven Angel

0:24:410:24:44

isn't all it's cracked up to be.

0:24:440:24:45

It is better to earn your wings as a friend

0:24:450:24:48

than a...spoon-fondler.

0:24:480:24:51

Evening. Where is everybody?

0:25:040:25:08

I thought things would still be in full swing. Called it a night.

0:25:080:25:12

Anyway, my belly feels like my throat's been cut.

0:25:130:25:16

I don't suppose you managed to save

0:25:160:25:18

any of the wonderful stuff that Valerie whisked up?

0:25:180:25:21

There was no whisking. Oh, dear.

0:25:210:25:25

But there are some burnt crab puffs that have been on the floor.

0:25:250:25:31

Right, do you know what, I think I might have a beer instead.

0:25:310:25:34

Where is my beer?

0:25:440:25:45

It's in Ayesha.

0:25:470:25:48

Fireworks? Indoors?

0:26:280:26:30

Isn't that a little bit dangerous?

0:26:300:26:32

SPEAKS FARSI

0:26:320:26:34

Na!

0:26:340:26:35

Let her go. It's not your business.

0:26:350:26:37

They are a serious health and safety issue. They're just fireworks.

0:26:370:26:41

She says that Haridas has a secret.

0:26:410:26:45

Remember, remember the 5th of November,

0:26:450:26:48

third-degree burns and tears.

0:26:480:26:50

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