Crash Bang Pow Doctors

It won't start!

Yes, I've called them, now I'm calling you.

CAR HORN BEEPS Alexander, no!

I know it's not your day,

I'm just asking you to please bring your son to school.

I can't get a taxi, it'll take you 20 minutes.

Please, he's half an hour late, and I have to call my solicitor.

My tribunal. Don't you listen to anything?

Can you take him to school or not? CAR HORN BEEPS

Alexander, stop it! I told you already.

OK, fine. Thank you very much!

Alexander, out. Out of the car, please.

Good morning, Mrs Tembe. I couldn't sleep,

so I got in early and popped a few more posters up.

-What do you reckon?

-You have to take some down.

Which one?

-It is too much.

-But, I've only just...

Before the patients arrive.

The posters you had up yesterday were more than sufficient.

Dr Vere,

I appreciate your enthusiasm.

Perhaps you could put some of them up at the Campus.

I already did the Campus...

-Penny for your thoughts?

-Hmm? Oh...

I was just thinking about Amelia.

I'm worried that she's not

going to get the full picture about Howard.

That she's going to need someone to fill in the gaps.

I think the more you try

and tell her, the more she won't want to hear it.

You don't know her.

No, but I get what she's going through,

I didn't know my dad either.

And if I decided to try and get in touch,

I think the last thing I'd want is somebody

yabbering in my ear about him.

I'd want to try and find out myself, you know?

Maybe.

Just let her get on with it.

The difference is, though,

is that, hopefully you'll get a chance to meet your father.

What e-mail?

No, I had to bring my son to school.

What?

OK, I'm on my way there. No, no.

Three? I'm supposed to pick up my son from school.

No, I'll sort something out.

I really want to be there.

OK.

Can I help?

I'm just looking.

Is there a particular title you are looking for?

Publisher, genre, author, artist?

I just want a comic for my six-year-old son.

We sell graphic novels, and they're not for kids.

Really?

-How much?

-You're obviously not buying anything,

why don't you toddle along and find some glossy pictures of shoes to look at?

-Excuse me?

-Too many syllables?

-Get out.

-No wonder this place is empty,

if that's the way you talk to customers.

-You're not a customer. You're not smart enough.

-What's your problem?

Feel big, do you, bullying women?

-You're calling me a bully?

-Yes.

Is this a joke or are you just stupid?

-What? Stop it.

-Do you really not know who I am?

I don't care who you are.

I know you, Chloe Grant.

What?

Damien Presley?

Fat Elvis?

Well, once again, Mr Leopold, we are agreeing to disagree.

I will see you in a couple of weeks, yeah?

You take care.

That man will not stop.

He's like the Terminator of unnecessary medical requests.

Did he not see the posters?

I told him antibiotics have no effect on the common cold

and he asked me if I'd ever heard of the placebo effect.

Cheeky! Maybe he likes the taste.

That's a good idea. Maybe we should start prescribing lemon sherbets.

Be cheaper, and without the added side effect of not rendering

antibiotics useless and taking us back to Victorian times.

Camera's out, not the face.

-All right. Don't you have patients to see?

-No, I don't actually.

Well, you won't mind me taking your picture then, will you?

He's such a charmer. Whatever happens,

I will be remaining fully clothed.

I don't mind.

It's going to go on the website for Antibiotic Awareness Day.

No way, is that today? Wow, I hadn't noticed(!)

Stop being a spoilsport.

Come on then, be quick.

Do you want to go over by the poster?

-And me?

-Yeah.

Left a bit.

Let's see. PHONE RINGS

Hey, do some action shots.

Campus Surgery, how can I help?

I'm sorry, he's not here today.

-You are late, Miss Pitman.

-I'm very sorry. I slept through my alarm.

Perhaps you need to adjust the volume.

I will. But then there was traffic. I had to go back for my purse.

-And then I forgot one of my shoes.

-You are here now.

We have a very busy day ahead of us.

It won't happen again.

Right, now, there are three types of quiz and three types of leaflet.

Sorry, Valerie, you haven't even got your coat off yet.

Now, they're all colour coded.

So, you need to make sure you've got the right quiz

with the right leaflet.

-And if you could make sure everyone gets one.

-You can count on me.

Thank you, Valerie.

If you have any questions, I'll be right here.

What's the laptop for?

I'm getting my patients to sign up online,

and then at the end of the day, one of them gets a prize.

Oh, looks like you've got a customer.

Hi. How would you like to be an Antibiotic Guardian?

So, Chloe, what would you like to talk about?

It's my tribunal today.

Is that still going on?

They keep moving the date.

-I think they're hoping I'll give up.

-Don't you dare.

I'm counting on you to stick it to The Man.

I'll try.

My solicitor said it might go either way.

How's the eczema?

Fine.

Let's have a look.

Come on.

Ouch. How long has it been this bad?

Couple of days.

It's infected. I'll write you up some antibiotics.

-It's not why I came here.

-As you're here, we might as well.

It doesn't really matter, though.

Sorry.

This whole thing has been really stressful.

And I'm not really sure I'm coping.

I bet you are.

I'm angry all the time. I'm not sleeping.

And some days I feel so low that...

I need to do something because it's not fair on Alexander.

How long has this been going on?

Since the last time I saw you.

So...two months?

I was wondering if you'd prescribe me some antidepressants.

We should go over your options first.

I don't want to talk about it, though, I just want to feel better.

-Counselling can be really effective.

-I don't want to talk about it, OK?!

So, maybe everything will be fine in a couple of hours.

Maybe. But what if it isn't?

What if I don't win?

-I reckon you will.

-You don't know that.

If you want me to speak on your behalf at the tribunal,

I'm more than happy to do that.

I've always kind of fancied myself in a courtroom.

"You want answers?" "I want the truth."

"You can't handle the truth!"

Oh... Chloe.

You look a bit red in the face, Dr Vere.

I shouldn't have bought these cheap balloons.

-Valerie, what are these still doing here?

-I forgot.

-Valerie!

-I'm really sorry but we've been really busy. I promise

I'll get rid of them by the end of the day.

You're not supposed to get rid of them, you're supposed to explain what they're for.

I'm really sorry.

Is everything all right, Dr Vere?

Yes, thank you, Mrs Tembe.

Actually, I don't want to get anyone in trouble.

Usually Valerie is great, honestly, but...

-Leave it with me.

-Thank you.

Miss Pitman, can I see you in my office a little later on?

Of course, Mrs Tembe.

Sorry. I do go on a bit, don't I?

It's fine, it wasn't that. It was that man.

What man?

The man in the shop. He shouted at me.

A customer?

No, he works there. It's that comic book shop on Lexington Street.

That's Damien's place. Damien shouted at you?

Do you know him?

Yeah. He can be a bit...

What did he say?

Nothing, I have to go. I have the tribunal.

Wait! Wait for your prescription.

You're going to let me know how you get on today, yeah?

Stick it to the Man!

Valerie, I'm sorry I was so cross before.

Oh, no, it was totally my fault.

Who's your friend?

He's an Antibiotic Guardian. What do you think?

I've hired him to hand out some of the leaflets.

You've replaced me?

No, it's fine. I know you're busy.

Thank you, Valerie.

Now, there are three types of quiz

and there are three types of leaflet, OK?

They're colour coded so you'll know which one goes with which

and if you could hand them out to as many people as possible, please.

-Is he here?

-Yes. But you don't have to talk to him.

Just the lawyers.

Brilliant.

The most important thing is, don't let them push your buttons.

They'll try and paint a picture of you as unreliable or emotional,

say you're an opportunist or that you're covering

up for your own incompetence.

They may suggest you have a grudge against your boss.

Well, of course I do.

-No jokes. They never play well.

-Right.

Answer the questions. That's all.

-Don't give them anything more than they need to know.

-OK.

Hang in there, we're almost done.

We don't need your sort in here.

What, you mean a customer?

You should be so lucky.

Cluttering up the place. Your order isn't in until next week.

Unless you're looking for new titles?

Oh, what have you got?

You want me to read to you, too?

There it is.

Customer service at its finest.

-Get lost.

-You know, some places they smile at you,

they instruct you to "have a nice day". But none of that here.

What have you heard?

Nothing. Why, should I have heard something?

-I had a bit of a run-in with a customer earlier.

-What happened?

Complete time-waster. She was never going to buy anything.

-How do you know?

-Because...

I knew her from school.

Ah. Do you, erm, want to talk about it?

I'd rather put tiny limited edition Hobbit swords in my eyes.

Fair enough.

Actually, have you got time for a brew?

Of course.

-Where is he?

-He went home sick.

-Is he coming back?

-I don't think so.

I was just talking to him and then he suddenly had a funny turn.

What are you doing?

Someone's got to hand out these leaflets.

Thank you.

Can I help?

My father used to work here. Howard Bellamy.

Sorry? Are you sure?

Yes.

I'm sorry... Sorry, it's just, he never mentioned you.

Amelia.

It's so good to see you. Look, I've got a patient,

but give me 10 minutes.

No, I don't want to talk to you.

Right... So why are you here?

This was a mistake.

No, wait.

You need to talk to people who knew your dad.

Don't tell me what I need. This is not about you.

It's the third appointment he's missed.

Wait, Amelia!

Thank you for telling me.

Mrs Tembe, this is Amelia,

Howard's daughter.

Mr Bellamy's?

This is Mrs Tembe, she is the acting practice manager.

Perhaps you'd like to speak to her?

Yes... Yes, of course. Anything that I can do.

Thanks.

So I told you why the shop is called Fat Elvis?

Well, you're Damien Presley.

And you got teased at school.

Yeah. I may have played that down a touch.

OK.

It was relentless. We're talking years.

Continuous, psychological, physical.

I didn't go to school, I went to Guantanamo.

-You didn't tell anyone at the time?

-They were girls.

-Ah.

The girl from this morning.

Chloe Grant. And her two mates. They were clever.

Made me feel like there was no point in telling anyone

because no-one would care.

And the way things were at home, I believed them.

I'm sorry, man.

I hated everybody.

I'm better now, but...

She made me like this.

I'm Batman, she's Joe Chill.

That's a very cool reference.

The thing is, I'm not sure it's best business practice

to go shouting at customers.

It's not like she's ever coming back here, is it?

Just because they behave badly doesn't mean you should.

After all, with great power comes great responsibility.

Yeah, I don't really think it's appropriate here at all.

-Spider-Man is always appropriate.

-Whatever!

Do you think I could use your fortress of solitude?

-It's just downstairs, I'll show you.

-Cheers.

Don't you dare laugh at me!

Who do you think you are?

-I didn't...

-Trying to make me feel bad about something that happened years ago.

-Hey!

-You don't know what bullying is. I could lose my house.

-Stop it.

What are you going to do, Elvis?

I'll call the police.

Go on, then. Run to teacher.

-Don't, don't, don't!

-It's just a comic.

It's really expensive.

-Put it down. Please.

-Make me.

Chloe?

Dr Haskey.

Put that down, it's really expensive.

Did you know him well?

I worked with him for three years.

He was a very accomplished practice manager.

He had a very particular way of working,

I suppose it is because of his time in the military.

You did know about that?

Yes.

I think he is still in contact with those people,

if you want to talk to them too.

Maybe, yeah.

He was very thorough.

And he cared a great deal for his patients and his staff.

He was as vital to the success of this practice as any doctor.

Perhaps even more so.

He will be sorely missed.

Thank you.

Well, I hope I have helped.

You have. Thank you for your time.

No problem.

Erm...

I am so sorry for your loss.

WOLF WHISTLES

-What do you think?

-Yes, it does make your bum look big.

-Really?

-I'm joking.

Are you sure? The bloke who had it before me was a bit taller.

Eurgh! You're wearing another man's sweaty Lycra? Nice.

I've got to go.

OK.

I don't know what's happening to me.

I've got some ideas.

-I said I was sorry, OK?!

-Did you?

I'll pay for it. I just don't have the money right now.

Right. I'll see you in another 15 years then.

I don't know why you're so angry about

something that happened years ago.

You're the one who came in throwing things around!

-You were laughing at me.

-I didn't even see you.

This bickering is not helping, is it?

-She's the one who trashed my shop.

-He started it!

THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER

Quiet!

Ridiculous behaviour.

Right, from now on, we're going to pretend we are civilised

human beings and we are going to talk to each other.

More importantly, we are going to listen.

From this point on, only the person holding this here dagger

gets to speak. If you want the dagger you put your hand up,

and you're given the dagger. Are we agreed?

-I'm not doing that.

-I'm not touching that, I might catch...

You're not holding the dagger, so shush!

Thank you. So, who wants it first?

KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.

Right. Before you say anything, I do want you to know

that there are extenuating circumstances.

For what?

For whatever it is you're about to say.

Miss Pitman, you are not in trouble.

I have just noticed that you are not your usual self.

I'm fine, honestly.

You know that you can come and talk to me

if you are having any problems.

It's Ashley.

I just don't think I'm over it.

Me, him. The break-up.

Of course.

But I'll be fine soon.

And I promise I will do better.

Please don't get rid of me.

What? That had not even crossed my mind.

So you'll give me another chance?

Yes, of course.

But try not to be late again.

Yes, of course.

Thank you, Mrs Tembe.

Miss Pitman, are you sure there is nothing else troubling you?

I won't let you down.

Good.

This is stupid.

So, I lost my temper.

You know how stressed out I've been.

Can you tell him, please?

I had to quit my job.

Did you see that?

-Now who's telling teacher?

-I should stick this up your...

Come on, play nicely. You're doing really well so far.

Damien, can you just wait your turn?

Cool your jets.

My boss used to shout at me all the time

and tell me I'm useless.

Make me stay late, even though he knew I was paying for childcare.

He made fun of me about how fat I was after I had my baby.

He got people to make mooing noises after I walked past.

Then one day, someone put a naked photo on my desk.

Someone else's body, with my head.

When I complained, you know what he did?

He pinned it to the notice board.

What's the point? He doesn't want to hear it.

Let's remember we're listening as well as talking.

Who cares what happened at school? So you were bullied, boo-hoo.

I hated school because of you.

Everybody hates school. This is my life.

They made me feel like I was nothing.

It's not fair. I didn't do anything.

-How do you think I felt?

-It's not the same.

It's exactly the same.

He was a kid. I'm being bullied by adults.

I was a kid. I was terrified.

I thought it was going to be like this for the rest of my life.

-You should have told someone.

-Did you?

It was my word against theirs.

And they all closed ranks against me.

What happened today?

I lost.

Sorry.

I've got no job. No money. No-one believes me.

This is the worst day of my life.

But I bet you probably think I deserve it?

No-one deserves it.

Don't they?

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

He was just a bloke, you know. Bit boring.

Lots of issues, but he was in the Army so no surprise there then.

What sort of issues?

He was just so uptight.

And he got way too excited by spreadsheets for my liking.

I dread to think what him and his laptop got up to, late at night!

Sometimes he was just really, really rubbish with people too.

I think he thought we were all toy soldiers on a map, that he

could just pick up and move around.

Again, probably the Army's fault.

Maybe.

But...I liked him.

For a while I was having some problems with my family,

and I was a nightmare to work with.

And at first he was like, "Ayesha, this is not good enough."

But once he found out what was really happening,

he was dead supportive.

I'm not sure I'd have got through it without him.

Right.

There was this one time, I got totally wasted,

and I couldn't face going home, so I decided to crash at the Mill.

-Right.

-Set the burglar alarm off, didn't I?

Howard turned up, caught me.

And then I ended up trying it on with him.

No!

In my defence, he was pretty fit for an old bloke.

What happened?

Nothing. He was a proper gentleman.

Also, I probably scared the pants off him. Not literally.

Sorry. Is any of this helping?

I don't know. It's great that he was there for you.

But what about me? Why wasn't he there for me?

Thanks.

-I'll pay for any damage.

-OK. Whenever you can.

Thanks.

Next time you come in, try not to "Hulk smash" the joint.

The green bloke?

Yeah, The Hulk is the green bloke.

Now, there is someone with anger management issues.

Speaking of which, do you remember what we talked about this morning?

-Counselling?

-Yeah, come in and see me at some point and we can discuss your options.

-It really worked for me.

-What did?

Anger management.

Yeah, all right. But imagine what I was like before.

Why? When was this?

After I left school.

-We put you in therapy?

-Not just you.

-My home life was pretty messed up as well.

-I'm really sorry.

-There was one positive thing that came out of it.

-What?

All these imaginary worlds where good conquers evil.

It's weird, but without you, maybe I wouldn't be where I am today,

owning my own business.

Maybe I should even be thanking you.

Yeah, that's never going to happen.

Well, I think my work here is done. You come and see me soon, yeah?

Thanks, Dr Haskey.

I'll see you next week.

-Don't expect any special treatment.

-Hah!

I'd better go and pick up Alexander.

-Can I ask you something?

-Sure.

Fat Elvis? I mean, because you're not. Not now.

-Are you flirting?

-No, no!

I just wondered, do you not want to forget about school?

No.

I mean, despite everything, I like to remember where I came from.

Maybe you should try to forget a little bit.

-Put it in the suggestion box, I'll ignore it later.

-You're funny(!)

Tell your friends.

Yeah. I don't have any.

I'll see you around.

Wait.

For your kid.

Good story, not too nasty, lots of good jokes.

Thanks.

HE COUGHS £3.99.

Don't worry, I'll put it on your tab. Get out!

Oh, that's mean. Taking advantage of a sleeping superhero.

-You don't want to see the picture then?

-Yeah, course I do.

-Wow. You're really good at this.

-Thank you.

-You know what would make it even better?

-What?

-Pair of silly glasses and a moustache.

-OK.

Dr Clay! Dr Haskey! You are supposed to be grown men.

-Words fail me.

-Clearly that's not true.

I only sat down for a moment. What time is it?

Pub time.

-The patients?

-They are all gone.

What about the prize?

Tell you what, you win.

-I'm so sorry.

-No, do not apologise.

The awareness day was a great success.

Let's have another look at that photo.

Great composition.

I love the way the light is catching his drool.

He thought he could pay me off.

Left me all this money, and that's supposed to make it all OK.

But it doesn't.

And now he's dead and I don't even get to tell him.

Listen, I get that you're angry.

I would be, in your position.

In fact, I sort of am in your position.

Really?

I don't even know my dad's name.

Every so often I think about trying to track him down.

Then I think, why bother?

He's never been there for me.

He wasn't even around long enough to walk out.

I'm sorry.

It's fine. Well, it's not, but...

-Look, I liked Howard, but I can see how he let you down, badly.

-Yes.

However, the chances of my dad leaving me

a chunk of money in his will are zero.

-But...

-I know. It's not the same.

But, like I said, Howard was a bit of a bean counter.

And the fact that he carefully put his money aside

for you over all those years.

Doesn't that tell you something about the way he felt about you?

-This is insane!

-He attacked me!

-I didn't touch him.

-You were robbing me.

All right, stop it. Calm down, both of you.

You really should give me more notice. I need more warning.

It's a yes or no question, Mrs Tembe.

You're on. I'll see you in 20 minutes.

-You old dog, you!

-I don't know what you mean!