Shunt Doctors

They keep looking to me for answers.

Like, what's going to happen to them?

How are they going to get through this?

But what do I know?

Probably more than they do, from what you told me.

And, anyway, a lot of time, people just want to be heard.

I want to tell them I'm a fraud.

Why are you asking me?

Can we just go back a little bit?

You said it's just a job, but it defines you.

Do you want to talk to me about that?

47, no wife, no mates, no hobbies.

Without it, what's left?

You just keep going.

-You haven't been listening, have you?

-I have, very carefully.

-I'm wasting both our time.

-No, you're not.

-I'm sorry. I'm talked out.

-OK.

Do you want to call back? Arrange another time?

No.

BOTTLE CLUNKS

What's that?

Erm, look, somebody very important to me

gave me a quote.

I don't know if it will mean anything to you but...

Well, anyway, he said,

"The essence of being human is that one doesn't seek perfection."

-Orwell, I think.

-Your point?

Just that we just do the best job we can.

We're all just human beings.

I don't know if that makes any sense to you right now but...

Hello? Are you still there?

-How was it?

-Difficult to tell.

You never get the end of the story, do you?

Morning, Miss Moneypenny.

Oh, for goodness' sake.

-Look at you!

-Look at who?

This is all your fault.

Daniel's come dressed as James Bond for the calendar.

-Not the first time.

-Your ego.

Yeah, like someone really has to force you into a tuxedo.

-Now they're being rude to him.

-Zara's idea.

I wanted to come dressed as Grayson Perry.

Anyway, Q, come on, let's get on with it.

-Grayson Perry? Now, that's not a bad idea.

-Really?

I might do that myself.

Who's your favourite Bond, Mrs Tembe?

Definitely Roger Moore.

I miss the morning mayhem.

So, where were we?

Oh, yes, I just wanted to make sure that Miss Pitman had all

the relevant paperwork for the review.

-Is she there?

-Oh, yeah, I'm sure she has.

I am sure, but could you put her on, please?

Why don't you just tell me and I'll pass the message on.

Very good, but I would like to speak to her myself.

Well...

Oh, do not tell me, she is late again.

I'm sure there's a very good reason.

She is making a habit of this.

She has taken rather a lot of time off work recently.

I should be there. You are going to be very understaffed.

Mrs Tembe, for you. Here she is!

Good morning, Mrs Tembe. How can I help you?

Peckish?

High sugar, high butter breakfast treat. Amazing.

I normally get by on just a bowl of muesli.

You don't have to explain yourself to me.

I had a minor collision this morning.

Any sort of personal danger and I need food.

Lots of it. Some sort of coping mechanism.

I fell off my bike once and didn't stop eating for a week.

These are good, though!

-Whose are they?

-Zara's.

Nah, messing with you!

Good, she'd kill me.

Actually, no, they'll kill you. About four years out of date.

So what happened?

Oh, someone shunted me.

Any damage?

A ding in the bumper but it could've been worse.

You exchanged details?

He admitted fault but it's just hassle that

I don't really need at the moment.

At least his insurance will cover it.

Yeah, you hope.

I kind of felt a bit sorry for the guy, actually.

He got a bit tearful.

Shock, I guess, kept saying how useless he was.

Sidney, don't get drawn in.

-What do you mean?

-You're a soft touch.

Oh, right. Yeah, maybe.

Make us a cup of tea.

So how did it actually happen?

He was dithering and I went in to the back of him.

You're OK? You didn't hurt yourself?

I'm fine. I was only doing about 2mph.

Look, Jack, I was thinking, maybe you should stop for a while.

I mean, it's a big commitment, especially these all-nighters.

I might've knackered the rad.

I'll have to go to the breakers. More expense.

Oh, well, it's only money.

Tell that to the bank.

Here you go. Look, nobody was hurt and that's all that really matters.

-Right.

-So, we look on the bright side, yeah?

-Always.

Problem?

Not if we're still in 2014.

I had a mate who was a photographer.

He'd finish an entire job in the time it takes you to find autofocus.

Come on. You got that one.

By the way, I've got a draft ad here for the practice manager's job.

I just need you to sign it off and we can go to print.

OK, later.

I want to go to the papers today,

so just give it the once-over, will you?

-Can we just concentrate on this first?

-Yeah, go.

Wait! Whoa! Erm...

JAMES BOND THEME PLAYS

Who are you supposed to be doing again?

Doing a generic Bond. They all do the same thing, don't they?

Thanks. You know, I've really enjoyed doing this

-until this morning.

-All right, David Bailey, keep your hair on.

Yee-ha!

Oh, another couple of things I want to run by you.

Have a look at the suppliers, because

Howard left some notes on some possible changes.

Yeah, got that one.

And the NHS initiatives, we really need to get cracking on that soon.

Didn't you catch that one? Late!

It's really heavy, this.

Listen, a lot of these are just you with your mouth open.

Sorry, I'm not bothering you with work-related issues, am I?

No more than usual.

Come on, Daniel, don't just stand there, point the gun.

Oh, point the gun, like that?

No, not a me!

OK. Photo.

That the one?

It was just an excuse to call. It could have been about anything.

No, she was making a point. Like it wasn't good enough.

-She sounded angry.

-She sounded bored.

No, she's checking up on me. And I don't blame her.

I don't know where I am myself half the time.

Any word about the chemo?

It's driving me mad.

Half of me wants to get on with it, the other half wants to put it off.

Listen, why don't we go and have our lunch at the Icon, my treat?

It's a bit early to think about that, isn't it?

Food will take your mind off things. It does me.

Then we can go and see Mrs Tembe at St Phil's after.

-I'd rather not.

-Forget about earlier, she'd love to see you.

She'd love to sack me. All the time I've taken off work.

She's not like that.

No, you're right. I'm being unfair.

And it's not Mrs Tembe I'm scared off.

It's St Phil's that terrifies me.

-Hello, Karen.

-Oh, hello, I haven't seen you for ages.

And it's very important that you take care of yourself once

you get home.

Absolutely, Dr Markos.

Have you family close by?

No, my family are a long way away.

But friends and colleagues, you're obviously not short of.

Yes, but I do not want to bother them.

I'm sure Dr Carter wouldn't mind.

You have spoken to Dr Carter?

Spoken with, spoken at.

He phoned me directly when you were first admitted

and insisted that we do everything to make you comfortable.

And to make you stay for as long as possible.

Said that you were a bit of a tricky patient

and if we didn't keep an eye on you, you'd be out of the door

and back at work before you'd really had time to recover.

Please, Doctor, being confined when I'm perfectly fit

and well is a waste of everyone's time and NHS resources.

It's not just your physical welfare that needs to be considered.

Home comforts and a return to my colleagues at work, that is

the best medicine for me.

Well, I recognise the sort of person I'm dealing with here.

And your colleagues do seem very protective of you,

so I'll see about discharging you later today.

Thank you, thank you, Doctor. I will pack my things.

I'm sure you will.

It's illegal not to be insured, everyone knows that.

I know, I know and I thought I was.

I don't know what happened.

You need to sort this out with the insurers, not me.

I've got a queue of patients waiting

and this isn't their problem, either.

Well, I was hoping that we could sort this out between the two of us?

I can fix your car when I'm sorting mine out.

I was hoping to sell it soon. I need it done properly.

Look, if they find out I'm uninsured, I'm stuffed.

I need my licence.

Then you should've been covered.

-Come in.

-Humour me, would you?

Would you give this the once over while I'm here?

What's the rush? I'll look at it later.

There's a four o'clock deadline. My photos?

I've got a bit of work to do on them, though.

I don't like that one, bags under my eyes!

Age comes to us all.

Don't worry, I'll fix it. I'll make you look pretty.

-They're a bit plain, aren't they?

-I'm going to put a background in.

-What?

-I dunno. Maybe like an explosion? Girls in bikinis?

Girls in bikinis! Do me a favour, make me look good and read that.

Karen, how could you just let a stranger through to my room?

He's not a stranger, he was Immie's PE teacher.

He's a nice bloke!

What's that got to do with me?

Would you have sent him through to Zara? Or Al?

No! But you're much more...

Much more what?

He's a nice bloke and he's had a really hard time.

It's irrelevant.

That man had no business coming into someone's place of work

chasing an insurance claim.

I was just trying to help.

Maybe you should leave helping to the professionals.

So, what is it exactly that Jack has been through?

It doesn't matter what he's been through.

Exactly, Valerie. Exactly.

That man was out of order. I'm sorry, Karen, so were you.

Will you say hello to Mrs Tembe for me?

No, you misunderstand my point.

It shouldn't matter because the details shouldn't matter.

-I'm not with you.

-No.

I mean, Sid should show some kindness, because he can

and because Karen believed he could help.

He should go above and beyond because that's

the sort of person he is. Am I right?

Er, I dunno, yeah, I suppose.

On second thoughts, Karen, I think I will come.

Do you know where the aspirins are?

-Not feeling well?

-No.

-I'll get them.

-Thanks.

-There you go.

-Thanks.

You're right about giving up the phone work.

Maybe get back to teaching.

How are you feeling?

Just this headache.

You don't sleep much while I'm on duty, do you?

-Are you OK?

-A bit queasy.

We'll just say hello and we'll make a quick dash. Yes?

She might want an afternoon nap.

Ah, good afternoon.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Yep?

-I've looked at it.

-And?

-It's good. You've done a good job.

Thank you, I'll get on to the paper.

But does it have to be so...academic?

That's just the job requirements.

What if we took some of the things out of desired qualities

and put those into personal attributes?

We could do, I suppose.

Angle it a bit.

Look, Jimmi, I understand where you're coming from,

and believe me, nothing would make me happier than

if Mrs Tembe applied for and got the job. She's been fantastic.

-Then let's tailor it to her skills.

-But we have to be professional.

We have the perfect woman for the job here.

-Let's not make this difficult.

-OK, if we were interviewing

for a doctor or a nurse, we would follow procedure to the letter.

I think it's equally important to be as rigorous for non-medical staff.

-Don't you?

-Yes. No. I'm not sure.

OK, just let me think about it?

But you've already...

OK, you've got till 3.30.

We've got to be seen to be following the rules, Jim,

and Mrs Tembe would understand that more than anyone.

Come on in. Can I get you a tea or coffee?

No, thanks, I can't stop, I'm on my rounds.

I just wanted to pop by for a moment.

Have a seat.

-Thea, this is Dr Vere.

-Hi.

Sorry if I was a bit abrupt earlier, but Karen Hollins,

-our receptionist?

-Oh, yes, Karen.

Well, she knows a guy who does car repairs, so...

if the damage isn't too much,

maybe we can just sort it out amongst ourselves.

-If that's any good?

-That's great.

-As long as I'm not out of pocket.

-Thea, did you hear that?

Well, I'll get in touch once the garage have had a look

and then we'll take it from there.

Much appreciated, thank you.

Thea, the doctor's leaving.

Is, erm... Is everything all right?

She's not been herself today.

Mrs Redditch?

Are you feeling OK?

He thinks it's all his fault.

-Is she normally...?

-No.

Erm...

Is she on any medication?

-A couple of aspirins.

-Sorry, sorry.

Wants to save them all.

How long has she been lethargic?

Half an hour, I guess.

Has she complained of any other symptoms?

Headache, neck ache.

You're looking for a rash, aren't you?

Get off.

We must not be silenced by bullying and intimidation.

Hutch and his like should not be allowed to prevail.

I agree, but you shouldn't be taking them all on, on your own.

But together, we can.

Expose them, bring their dirty deeds out into the open.

Hutch's face is now in the newspapers,

someone will recognise him and see him for what he truly is.

What if you can't see your enemies?

What if they're like Hutch and they want to harm you, but they're hiding?

They're invisible.

No-one else can see them either, but there's more and more of them

every day.

I'm not sure what you mean.

-Miss Pitman, is someone trying to hurt you?

-No, no...

Valerie, I think that it would take a very different sort of courage.

Ambulance, please.

-Why didn't you say something?

-It's for 21 Hilton Vale.

You're going to be all right, Thea.

It's a suspected case of bacterial meningitis.

The patient has a rash, neck stiffness and sensitivity to light.

I've just administered intramuscular penicillin.

This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.

That wasn't too bad, was it?

I wish there were lessons in how to be more Tembe.

I think there are. They're every Sunday down St Bernadette's.

Valerie, you've got everything you need to fight this.

Not bravery or resourcefulness, or fearlessness.

If Mrs Tembe had cancer, you can bet she'd fight it.

She'd be one of those people who always features on television or in

magazines - a survivor.

Not me. I'm not a fighter.

Valerie, will you stop it?

I'm one of those ones that you never hear about.

I'll be the one who dies without a struggle.

People who have cancer, they're not brave, they're not heroes,

they're just people.

Yeah, but if you've got the survivor character trait like Mrs Tembe has,

you're much more likely to defeat cancer than if you've got the victim

-character trait, like me.

-Who says?

-Says here.

Oh, it's not a character test or a challenge,

it's the luck of the draw.

-I know, but I just...

-Valerie, you are going to find your own way

-through this.

-Will I?

-Yes, you will.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Is she going to be all right?

She's in a stable condition, but the staff still need to take everything

step by step, but, yeah, she has every chance.

If you hadn't have come by when you did...

I mean, you didn't have to, did you?

In that case, it's kind of a good job that you shunted me.

Crap driver, lousy husband.

We all make mistakes.

But I know her better than anyone. I mean, how come I couldn't see...?

Bacterial meningitis is very difficult to spot.

I wasn't even that sure myself.

You need to stop being so hard on yourself, Jack.

He'd say that to me all the time.

-Who?

-My dad.

He'd say, "The essence of being human

"is that one doesn't seek perfection."

George Orwell.

I'll try and remember that.

Do you want a cup of coffee?

Mr Redditch? I'm Dr Markos. I'm treating your wife.

-Is everything OK?

-She's still poorly and will be for some time,

but she's responding well to treatment.

Is she going to be all right?

I have every expectation of a full recovery.

Thank you. Can I go and see her now?

Just let the nurses tidy up in there first.

Thank goodness for you and Dr Vere.

We knew what we were looking for, you didn't.

That quote, about being human.

It struck a chord.

Right time, right place, I guess.

-My dad used to say it.

-Oh?

He died a few years ago.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Now you volunteer on a helpline?

I used to, but I've quit.

I wasn't cut out for that.

I'm sorry to hear that too.

How did you know I did that?

It's supposed to be confidential.

About seven hours ago, you were talking to me.

That was you?

The early morning version.

And...are you all right now?

Well, I'm here.

And I'm glad I am.

Well, I think you could go and see your wife now.

-Thank you, Doctor.

-Likewise.

Send me the bill for your car repair, OK?

Let's not trouble Jack.

KNOCK AT DOOR

-Yep, come in.

-So, Jim, the ad. Good to go?

I've been snowed under.

OK, so, why don't you stop playing with the photos for one moment?

I'm not playing, I'm trying to do a good job.

-You wouldn't want anything less, the fuss you've made.

-OK!

So, how's it going?

What? Your shots? Better.

Great. So...can I send it?

Er, yeah. Just make the changes to the personal attributes.

You know what, I was talking to Zara about this and we both reckon

Mrs Tembe would insist on being treated like everybody else. So...

-Oh, that's much better.

-Thank you.

-So, can I send it?

-Yeah, yeah.

-As is?

-Whatever.

Hello? Yes, Daniel Granger from the Mill Health Centre.

That's right, yeah, we spoke earlier.

Just to confirm that you can put the ad to print.

There are no alterations. Absolutely.

OK, thanks for your help. Bye, now.

How can he be your son? He's barely any younger than you are.

-Mrs Tembe, before you start.

-Yes?

-I need to talk to you.

-Do you know what I really feel like after spicy food?

-What?

Sing something.

# R-E-S-P-E-C-T... #

I'm not a doctor, I'm your son.

Let's keep saying that.