A Taste of Home Doctors

What's this?

I thought I'd try making bobozee.

Well, you're not supposed to eat it for breakfast.

-Aren't you?

-No!

-Oh...

PHONE RINGS

Oh, no, no, please, leave it.

It's Nigeria.

RINGING CONTINUES

Hello?

Mum... No, no, no.

We were awake, we're awake. Yes, Mum, I know - 6am.

Tomorrow. I'll be there. No, no, I can't wait to see you too.

Bye.

-She's coming tomorrow?

-Yes.

-I thought she was coming Sunday?

SHE SIGHS

That's an interesting stabiliser.

It's a turbo-trainer.

Uses liquid-filled cylinders to create friction against the wheel.

It's ideal for Tuesday's race

cos we can ratchet it up as high as we like

while remaining totally stationary.

Nice.

-Morning, guys.

-Hiya.

-Grab that, would you?

Ah, nice. Fluid trainer.

That's the basic model, isn't it?

Top of the range, in its day.

Yeah, well, they've moved on since then.

Check this puppy out - it's an interactive smart trainer

with electric motor brake.

It's also silent.

Now that is a seriously bit of kit.

Yeah, well, listen, you get what you pay for in life, right?

All right, all right. Tell you what - why don't we leave my bike here,

see if we can get a bit of a buzz going with the patients about the race?

Or mine? Seeing as it's more state of the art.

I'm easy. What do you think, Sid?

-Well, yours has got more miles on it, so it has more pedigree.

-Mm-hm.

-But Daniel's is the business. It's sex on wheels.

-Boom!

-Yeah, he's talking about the bike.

-I know.

-Let's just leave them both here.

-Fine.

Morning.

Oh, good morning, Miss Simpson. How are you?

Very well, thank you. Except, I'm Mrs Akinwande now.

No! Oh, how wonderful!

-I think you had just met when I last saw you.

-Yes.

Well, thought I'd better snap him up

before he escaped back to Nigeria after his PhD finals.

Seven months of married bliss.

Oh, that is so lovely. He is a very lovely young man.

-You are a lucky lady.

-Mrs Akinwande?

That's me. See you in a bit.

Come through.

You say it's tender when you go to the loo... What about now?

Mm. Yep.

Right. Erm, any cramping or bloating?

A little.

But...it's the tiredness that bothers me the most.

I'm just exhausted all the time.

Any palpitations?

Maybe. A bit.

Right. And how are your stress levels? Are you getting enough sleep?

Terrible. Though I do have the week from hell coming up.

And what about muscle or joint pain?

My muscles do sometimes feel a bit weak.

OK, sit up for me.

Right, I just want you to follow my finger.

Good. Have you lost any weight at all recently?

A bit, yeah.

OK, I'm going to send you for an ECG and to St Phil's

for some blood tests.

-Crikey.

-Oh, look, please don't worry.

It's largely so I can rule out some things.

Most of all, an overactive thyroid.

It can often show symptoms like gastrointestinal upset,

insomnia, weight loss...

I don't know about my intestines, but I've just been so upset

and anxious and irritable recently.

I think Ade's wondering who he married.

Mood swings as well.

Look, try not to worry.

-We'll talk again when we get the results from the tests, all right?

-OK.

-In the meantime, Mrs Tembe will help you with an appointment.

-OK.

-All right.

Mr Walker. Come through.

-All done?

-I need an ECG, apparently.

Oh. ECG.

Tuesday morning or... 11.40 today,

if you do not mind coming back?

Erm... OK, I only live round the corner.

Yeah, get it over and done with.

So, have you been to Africa yet?

Sore point.

We just had a registry office do here with my parents

and one of his brothers.

Oh. So, no big Nigerian wedding? No extended family?

I don't suppose that went down very well.

-I'm not sure his mum's forgiven me yet.

-Oh, goodness.

She's coming tomorrow.

I got the dates mixed up and I've had no energy to tidy,

so it's a complete pit.

Even if it was spotless, she will still find fault.

It's a mother-in-law's prerogative.

Ade says she's really meticulous. I'm terrified.

Go down to the market, buy some Nigerian food.

Show her that you respect her traditions.

It will set you off to a good start.

Yes. That's what I've been doing.

Okra, plantain... She will love it.

OK. Thanks. Good plan.

Do we really have to turn reception into a second-hand bike shop?

It's for a good cause. Stop being so grumpy.

-I'm not.

-Mmm...

Not much(!) What happened to "throwing yourself into your work"?

I'm really enjoying it.

Really? Cos you look pretty cheesed off to me.

Well, last night,

I was studying chess moves and reading Red Wine Weekly.

The joys of the bachelor kingdom are not to be underestimated.

Erm, what's with the indoor Tour de France?

Yeah, it's Anthony's idea. Just raising awareness about the race.

Bit over the top, isn't it?

It's a good cause. I've raised £80 so far.

80? Not bad.

Don't tell us - you're on 300, right?

125. But I have a lot of corporate connections I'm sure will be

happy to contribute to the cause.

I haven't even started to tap up the Granger Clinic connections yet.

Not that there's anything in it for them, of course.

A tad cynical. It's simple generosity to a good cause.

Yeah. We should raise a good wedge between the two of us.

I can think of less arduous ways of getting a wedgie.

It's just a bit of fun, Al.

Oh, yeah, competitive fundraising's always a great barrel of laughs.

Actually, that's not a bad idea.

First to a grand?

All right - you're on.

Ah! Well, you look much happier now.

So, how are you getting on with the master plan?

I've made that fried yam thing - dun dun,

cassava fufu and fritters.

-Goodness!

-Anna Akinwande?

Yes?

ECG...?

Oh! Of course.

I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on.

This way.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Enter.

This arrived for you by courier.

Oh, lovely. I think it's my book on 18th-century French warfare.

Nice, quiet weekend - Napoleon et moi.

Won't you be better off spending it with friends?

-I'm not very good company at the moment.

-OK.

Oh, hey! Erm...

Rob won some raffle tickets for a piano con-cherty thingy tonight.

Concerto? Which one is it?

Er, it's Rach... What's his chops?

Oh, Rachmaninov? Magnifique!

Well, I mean, I thought it sounded all right, but he's not interested.

Oh, it's a shame to waste the tickets.

I'm not that bothered. Unless you want to come with...?

Mais bien sur.

Oh! Oh, well, I promise not to talk to you...much.

Which concerto is it?

Er... Do you know, I don't know.

I'm going to have to check the tickets.

-Did you miss me?

-Oh! You frightened me.

Why aren't you at the lab?

Who needs a doctorate when I have a beautiful bride at home?

Checking my progress, more like.

You may be afraid of my mum, but I am not.

I just wanted to see how you were.

Mmm! Fritters!

I'll have to make some more now!

-There's plenty. She won't mind. She'll just appreciate the...

-I mind.

I just want everything to be perfect.

Look at you, being all British and uptight.

Well, I am British. So deal with it.

You've been so grumpy lately.

I'm just tired.

And you never let me touch you.

I do. I just...

I haven't been feeling myself lately.

Then let me make it all better.

OK. You can go now.

I've got a lot to do.

OK, fine.

Just got another notification from the sponsorship site -

Nell at Subtle Sutures has just put in 150 for me,

bringing my total to 275.

Wow! What about you?

Er, still 125.

But I haven't checked my e-mails for a while.

Ah! Hang on... Another 150.

-Which makes us...dead even.

-For now.

OK... How about we make it a bit more exciting?

Meaning?

Well, you beat me to a grand by the end of the day

and I will sponsor you £200.

Raise you 100.

It's like Casino Royale, except without Daniel Craig.

300 it is.

You could put a tally on the wall.

No, no! I could hold up those score cards from Strictly!

I'm not sure that's quite the image we're after.

Hey, who said anything about image?

This is supposed to be just a little bit of fun.

Anna!

Oh, now, what is this?

I thought you might like some.

Fritters?!

Well, you said you liked them, and it would be great to get your expert opinion.

Mmm! It is...

It is lovely. It is very savoury.

Is that good...or bad? I wasn't sure.

Oh, look, they are better than I could've made.

I'm sure that's not true, but thanks anyway.

Ugh...

Are you all right?

Mm, fine. Excuse me, erm...

where are the ladies'?

Yeah, just down the stairs.

PHONE RINGS

What's it for - Michael Buble?

I wish. Rachmanolo's piano concerto.

Is it your anniversary?

No, me and Heston are going, actually.

You and Heston?!

Yeah! I'm actually quite interested in classical music.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-OK. Who wrote Beethoven's 5th Symphony?

Don't tell me, erm...

-Oh, Karen!

-What?

-What are you scheming?

-Nothing.

He looked a bit fed up and I thought I'd treat him.

OK. Well, it looks like the event is exclusive.

There's not many seats left and they're 40 quid.

Each?!

I was getting worried about you. Are you all right?

Fine, thanks. Just a bit of diarrhoea and stomach cramps.

Oh, dear.

Probably all this anxiety.

Yeah, probably. But maybe you should go and see Dr Reid again?

You are looking very pale.

Thank you, but I've got so much to do.

Exactly.

That is why you do not need to be thinking about all this. Come.

-Hey, haven't seen you all morning!

-I've had a lot of home visits.

-What's that?

-Oh, it's Anthony's idea.

-Oh!

So different with him at the helm, isn't it?

Oh, I don't know, I didn't really know Howard. He seemed really nice.

Yeah, he was. And so sad for Emma.

Yeah, yeah. It must be hard, you know,

you think you find someone and then...

Yeah, exactly. Seize the day!

-What?

-Like tonight, for example. I'm going to this piano thing.

It's not normally my bag but I thought, why not?

What have I got to lose, except a few quid?

And what else would you have spent the money on - another pair of shoes?

I could've bought three pairs, actually.

-Would you like to come with? You know, my treat.

-Me?

Yeah, it could be a girlie night out, in a sophisticated kind of way.

It's tempting, but I've got to take Shak to hockey tonight.

Oh, OK. Well, never mind.

-Next time.

-OK!

Like I said, try not to worry.

We'll talk more when the blood tests come back, all right?

In the meantime, try not to let your in-laws get you down too much.

-I'll do my best.

-All right.

Mr Thorndike, if you'd like to come through?

-Is everything all right?

-Yes.

Just probably this hyperthyroid thing. What a time to get ill.

You will be fine. Forget about the cleaning, just rest.

Trust me, any mother-in-law will be happy to take over.

But Ade wants her to see I respect their traditions

and will make a good wife.

You are already a good wife to consider all these sensitivities.

Many mothers find it difficult to let go of their sons.

You will work it out between you.

I'm sure her bark is far worse than her bite.

I hope you're right.

Mrs Akinwande...

Oops.

So much for my homing instincts.

What do you think?

Just made another 120.

Two mates sponsored me 60 each.

No, the banner! Good, yeah?

Erm... Eye-catching.

Well, it's the general idea.

What the... What's that?

It's my Strictly banner.

I am not doing the exercise stuff, but I can contribute by being arty.

And that's just as valid.

We wouldn't dream of taking it down, would we, Anthony?

Erm... Of course not.

Oh, hey, so, 120... Very good.

-What are you up to now?

-I'm up to 360.

Impressive. Except I actually came to say that Myers and Johnson have

just pledged another hundred, so that takes me to 385.

Ooh, neck and neck! It's getting exciting.

And we haven't even got to the race yet.

-Shame we can't have more people in it, though.

-Yeah.

Hey! Why don't I throw my hat into the ring?

Yeah! Cos you're uber-fit

and I bet you look very fetching in some cycling shorts.

Because you haven't got a bicycle.

True. I don't have any of those padded-crotch shorts or

-fingerless gloves either, but I do have Tonto.

-Tonto?

Yeah, my mum's exercise bike.

An exercise bike?! I'd like to see that.

OK. You're on.

Great.

You better start collecting sponsors soon.

Sponsors? No problem!

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

'Oh, hello, Mrs Akinwande.'

It is Mrs Tembe from the surgery.

Hello, how are you?

Er, f-fine.

Good.

It's just that when you were here earlier,

you left your bag in the ladies'.

Oh... Did I?

Well, yes, do not worry, it is perfectly safe.

Oh. Right.

I'll come and get it later.

Everything all right?

Er, yes. Yes, I am fine.

I'm a little worried about Mrs Akinwande.

She was in earlier and she left her bag behind.

She did not even realise and she was very abrupt on the phone.

Well, she's got a lot going on, hasn't she - family stuff?

Yes, but she did not sound like her usual self.

And she was very unfocused and confused when she left earlier.

No, something is not quite right.

What are those?

Oh...cassava fritters.

She made them. Please help yourself.

Oh...

Mmm.

Mmm...

Interesting.

They are not usually that sour.

I did not want to tell her. She's tried so hard.

Mmm. Well, if she's well enough to make fritters,

she can't be that bad, can she? Urgh...

Listen, I'm not going to be home tonight.

I'm going with Heston to this piano thing, so...

Oh, Rob. Thank you very much for the tickets...and the loan of your wife.

Really looking forward to it.

Me, too.

Bye!

# La la! La la la la! #

Ooh, get you, Pavarotti!

# La la la la laaaa! #

Oh. Hello.

Hello. I hope you do not mind. I was on my way to a meeting.

-I thought I would bring you your bag.

-The bag!

Brill.

The-the... The fritter was lovely.

Top.

Did you use sweet or bitter cassava?

Um, a mixture, cos they can be a bit sickly.

Yes... Usually it is made with sweet.

Bleurgh!

SHE LAUGHS

And you are sure that you prepared it properly?

Course I did.

I'm not stupid!

I have been making cassava since I met Ade, and he loves it.

He says it's just as good as his mum's... Better.

Are you sure you are all right? You seem very agitated.

Duh!

The Eagle is about to land,

so, if you don't mind, I've got a few things to do. OK?

SHE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

How am I supposed to get anything done

if everyone is stalking me all the time?!

SOBBING

Mrs Akinwande...

Get lost! I'm busy.

Yes. Yes, I am sure.

I was just wondering whether you could...

well, you could give me the recipe for the fritter.

It was very inventive.

Half bitter, half sweet.

I've tried it with bitter. But it's just... Yeurgh!

I would love to talk to you about Nigerian cooking.

Perhaps we could cook something together...

If you have a moment.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I'm brilliant at this stuff.

Don't know what all the fuss is about.

Hmm.

-Oh, good gracious.

-Do come in.

All right.

That's babozee.

Nigerian roast yam.

Mmm.

Fufu... It's a bit meh, actually,

but I eat it for Ade's sake.

Oh, it is... Well, it is all beautifully made.

But it is very sour.

SHE SIGHS

See what I mean?

How long did you soak the cassava for?

10...15...sometimes.

I used to do more, but...

Wait. It needs at least half an hour and then boiled thoroughly,

and preferably overnight.

-And for the fufu, for three days...

-SHE RETCHES

All right. All right...

Oh, my goodness, you are burning up!

Come. Come and sit down.

SHE RETCHES

PHONE KEYPAD BEEPS

Ah, Dr Reid. I am with Anna Akinwande.

Have you finished with your last patient?

Can you come over quickly, please?

I think she may have cassava poisoning.

Right.

Hey, not sneaking off without giving us the scores on the doors, are you?

-He's legging it cos he's getting trounced.

-I am not.

Right, then. What are you on, Granger?

Little old me? A mere £785.

Get in!

Ooh, check out the poker face on Harker.

Come on. Spit it out, Anthony.

OK.

It's...

1,025 of your earth pounds!

-Whoa, smashed it!

-Yep. Show me the money!

300, please.

All right, all right. But it's not over yet.

The race isn't till Tuesday.

I've been meaning to say,

you don't have to drag your poor mum's old bike in.

I don't think it's needed.

-But I've raised nearly 100 quid.

-Not much to worry about, then.

It means a lot to my mates, what with their uni debts.

Besides, I was looking forward to riding Tonto bareback.

Ooh, friction burns, dude.

I'm only kidding. I might wear the mask and the cape, though.

Good. Love to stay and chat. See you all Monday.

With or without the Lone Ranger outfit.

You'd better spend the weekend training, then, Sid.

Cycling is a very particular discipline.

Thought the horse was called Silver.

When I arrived, she was sweating and babbling and very irritable.

Then she started retching and saying that her eyes were hurting.

I haven't seen cyanide poisoning before, but you may be right.

I should have noticed something?

Please don't blame yourself. It's easily confused.

It appears she has not been preparing the cassava properly.

It contains a cyanide compound

that is only broken down

when it is completely soaked and boiled thoroughly.

But she does, doesn't she?

Yeah, well, not enough.

Has she been eating a lot of it recently?

She's been practising a load of dishes

in the past few days for my mother.

Well, if the dishes weren't prepared thoroughly enough,

as the previous ones, then,

well, they would have contained more cyanide,

and that would cause the nausea, the confusion...

And the bizarre behaviour.

I have seen it before.

Rubbing the wall... Well, not exactly that, but...

It is often confused with a condition called hyperthyroidism,

but luckily Mrs Tembe seems to have spotted it.

Sometimes it can cause convulsions, paralysis, sometimes even death.

I should have noticed something.

I know it's toxic. And we talked about it.

I should have taken more care.

Have you been feeling ill?

No. I didn't eat nearly as much as she did.

Right, OK, I need to call St Phil's.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

You've told me to be more careful.

But I just... I got so tired...

No, I obviously wasn't clear enough.

And I shouldn't have put so much pressure on you.

Thank you for taking care of her.

Cassava poisoning, eh?

Something to tell the children.

You see, that is better.

Has everyone gone?

Yeah, finally. Been a bit of a bonkers day.

Yeah, so I see. At least the concert will be nice.

-I'm not going to go.

-Really? Why?

Rob's put his foot down and I'd feel a bit of a 'nana going on my own.

No, you wouldn't. That music, you'll get wrapped up in it.

Nah. I'm just going to stick out like a sore thumb.

Aw. That's a shame.

Hopefully you'll get your money back on the tickets.

No, I've tried. Non-refundable.

Oh...

Oh, well. Never mind.

Perfect. 80 flippin' quid's worth of perfect(!)

Are you OK?

Yeah. Fine.

Do you know what, it seems a shame to waste that ticket, so...

-I'll come.

-Really?!

Ha! What about Shak?!

Oh, he can get a cab.

So, what time does it start?

7.30. But I'm going to be a bit pushed getting out of here,

so if you go to the box office, pick up your ticket

-and just go straight in.

-Yeah, great.

Look forward to our girlie night out.

Oh, yes. Um...I was thinking that I might glam up a bit, you know...

Right. Glam it is, then. I'll see you in there.

Look, see these bruises?

Oh, I didn't do that!

Might look doddery, but he's handy with his fists.

Just forget about sucking up to management for one night

and have some fun.

People like Daryl, they don't change.

What are you doing?

I'm just checking for signs of concussion.

I wasn't hit on my head.