The Rules of the Game Doctors

PHONE RINGS

The Mill Health Centre. How may I help you?

Oh.

Er...yes. Er...Thursday at 11:00.

Yes. Yes, with Dr Carmichael.

No, I am sorry. I am sorry, it is, er...it is, er...Dr Clay.

Yes. Right, we will see you then. Goodbye.

I'd like a quick chat.

Oh, right. Er...

Not now. You've obviously got your hands full.

When the rush is over.

Do you work at the surgery?

Er...yeah, but we're not open for a couple of minutes.

Lauren's got a throat infection.

-She shouldn't have to wait around in the cold.

-Ooo!

We need an appointment ASAP. We're both registered here.

Oh, well, come in and wait and I'll be with you in a second.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Morning!

-Ooo, hello. Did you see her bag?

No. Should I be impressed?

-They're worth thousands! Her dad must be loaded!

-Hm.

Um...yeah, yeah. It's quite nice.

Oolong is a bit of an acquired taste. Huh!

Listen, um...I know we've both got the afternoon off,

so, would you like to have lunch together?

-I'd love to.

-Yeah? You can come to mine.

Well, you haven't seen it and I'd like you to.

-Spend the afternoon together.

-Yeah.

Yeah, we can.

-Hello!

-Morning.

What is that smell?

Heston's made me some Oolong.

And it's not even 9:00.

I'll, er...see you later. Oh!

-Um...Lauren, are you happy...?

-'Course she is.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's fine.

Right. Well, for your throat,

I'd recommend lots of fluids and plenty of rest.

That will work wonders.

But there's not much else I can do, I'm afraid.

Thing is, Mark's taking me to a conference this weekend.

It's going to be really useful for my course.

Plus, it's in Miami.

Florida sunshine, that's what you need.

So if you can just prescribe some antibiotics.

-Sorry, Mark, it's such bad timing.

-Don't be daft, it's not your fault.

I'm reluctant to prescribe antibiotics.

Why? She's had them before. She's not allergic.

If it's a viral infection. They're not appropriate.

Over-the-counter remedies, take it easy for a few days.

That'll be just as effective.

I really need to be well by Friday.

With antibiotics, there'd be no guarantee.

They're overprescribed. You're better off saving them

in case you get a more serious infection down the line.

What d'you think? What do you want me to do?

Sorry, Lauren, could I speak to you alone for a minute?

You don't mind, do you?

Of course, ladies. I'll wait outside.

Thanks, babe.

OK, Patrick, it's a deal. KNOCK AT DOOR

Yeah! HE LAUGHS

Yeah. Mm-hm.

Great stuff. Yep.

Yep. OK. Bye.

-Mrs Tembe. Take a seat.

-Right. Thank you.

Right. As you know, I've been evaluating all the members of staff,

thinking about how they fit in as part of a team.

And I don't think your job is the perfect fit for you.

So I want to give you an enhanced role.

Something you can really get your teeth into.

Oh, well, I would be very glad of more responsibility.

Good. There is a serious problem with morale throughout the NHS.

I can't do anything to change that,

but I can do something about it at this practice.

And I think you are the ideal woman to help me.

Yes. Yes, I think I have the skills to offer those services.

So, what did you have in mind?

This is a staff suggestion box.

And I'm putting you in charge of it.

Mark's going to be gutted if I can't make it to the conference.

Well, it can't be helped, I'm afraid.

Is everything all right with you and Mark?

Yeah, of course it is.

Look, he's really generous. I just owe him a lot.

Really? How so?

I'm doing Business Studies at uni and he's just taught me so much.

That's partly what this trip to Florida is about.

Networking, making contacts.

He's also been mentoring me one-on-one.

Lauren, if you're having an affair with your lecturer,

-that is none of my business...

-You think Mark's my lecturer?

That's hilarious!

No. No, Mark's my sugar daddy.

Er...Mr Harker, I do not want to discourage you,

but, er...well, sometimes suggestion boxes do not have a good reputation.

Sometimes people do not have any suggestions,

or when they do have good suggestions,

they are ignored by the management.

But that's not going to happen here.

I care passionately about this practice.

-I want it to be the best it can be.

-Yeah, I know.

And I can't do that on my own.

I need other people's ideas and creativity.

I'm the new boy. You've all been here longer than I have.

You know the problems and the solutions and I want to hear them.

A suggestion box is a great way to get people thinking, coming up with ideas.

And I want someone senior in charge of this.

The staff will know their suggestions aren't being ignored

because you'll be there to champion them. Yes?

Yes. I will do my very best. You can count on me.

We met through an agency. It matches sugar daddies with sugar babies.

Everyone gets checked out, criminal records, the lot.

That's how I knew Mark was legit.

-Except that he wants to see women 30 years his junior.

-He's a nice man.

I mean, I know he can be pushy sometimes, but that's just his way.

He's incredibly intelligent,

funny, he's interested in everything.

Plus he's loaded.

He's a real dotcom millionaire. The real deal.

Right. How do you arrange things?

Oh. We...we have a contract.

As soon as we met, we worked it out together.

Like an arranged marriage?

-Yeah, but fun.

-LAUREN CHUCKLES

Do you not want a real relationship with someone your own age?

Oh, God, no. I don't have time.

And anyway, I've tried that.

Boring, immature, spotty lads

who can't handle the fact that I'm more intelligent than they are.

Mark just gets me.

And anyway, he doesn't want a relationship either.

-Just company and fun.

-Hm.

You think I'm being exploited, don't you?

Look, that's sweet, but I'm not.

I'm just being practical.

I'm paying my way through uni.

Well, there's other ways to do that. I mean, bar work.

Yeah, and that's great if you want

sweaty blokes staring down your top for minimum wage.

What do your family make of all this?

There's just my mum.

And when I graduate uni with a first, which I will,

she's going to be really proud of me.

She doesn't know.

Look, she wouldn't understand. She brought me up on her own

and she's done every rubbish job there is for rubbish money.

She's the one being exploited. I can't live like that.

Look, thank you for your concern, OK,

but I really think you should be more worried about Mark.

Really? Do you think he's ill?

Something's up.

Of course, typical bloke, he won't go to the doctor himself.

-Maybe you could...

-Oh, that's up to Mark.

But if you're really worried, maybe we could...

INCOMING TEXT

Amazing! He's managed to move the flights to a day later so I can recover.

-See? I told you he was a gem.

-Hm!

Sugar daddies? I thought they went out of fashion years ago.

It seems they're making a comeback.

If she wants to take some old rich man to the cleaners,

then good luck to her, I say.

Oh, I think he's getting plenty out of it.

Well, then, no-one's being hurt. What's the problem?

It's just... Women shouldn't have to do this any more!

It's like nothing's changed since the time of Jane Austen.

What, there were sugar daddies back then, as well?

No, just men in wet shirts.

Ah, now, that wasn't strictly in the novel.

Who cares?

My point is, in those days,

you had to be young and pretty to get a rich husband TO survive.

But that was 200 years ago and nothing's changed.

Women are still having to sell their youth and beauty to older men.

And what if you're not young, or symmetrical? What do you do then?

-If she's choosing to do this...

-Ah, but you don't choose, do you?

I mean, you only do that if you're poor.

-You wouldn't get rich girls doing it.

-Exactly!

And this girl, you know, I think she actually has feelings for him.

She denies it, of course, but she really does care.

But she's selling herself to someone for money.

If he's treating her well, then she's lucky.

-Now, are we going to get some food? I'm starving!

-Sorry.

I wish I'd thought of it while I was training.

-I wouldn't be so skint now.

-You don't mean that!

Mmm...

I think you're being very polite.

No, it's lovely. Very homely.

Yeah, complete with Shak's socks. He just leaves them everywhere.

Nice bedroom. You know, it's a good size

with good, um...proportions and storage. I-I like the, er...

So, what are we having?

Right, er...it's a surprise.

I've combined your love of learning with your love of food.

-Oh, lead on!

-Right.

Oh, I'm just going to put these in the laundry.

HE SIGHS

I know Mrs Brett is lonely, but it's a waste of time and money

giving her appointments. There is nothing wrong with her.

No, it's not. She comes in and talks to you about her cats,

you listen, she feels better. Job's a good 'un.

The staff in this place are useless. Jobsworths!

-Come on, Mark, it doesn't matter.

-It does matter.

Why would you want to come here, anyway?

We might as well have gone to some awful STUDENT canteen!

It wouldn't be any worse.

I've changed my mind. I wouldn't go out with him if you paid me!

Strange. He wasn't like that earlier.

-Niamh?

-What?

-I need the bathroom.

-Oh, my God, what's wrong with you?!

-OK. Can you get my...?

It's OK, it's all right. Just take it easy, take it easy.

This is Mr Harker's new initiative. A suggestion box.

What kind of suggestions?

Well, anything that improves the working environment,

or even staff morale.

Yeah, I've got a suggestion. Let's not have a suggestion box.

-HE LAUGHS

-I think it's a good idea.

Everyone will fill out one of these.

They will post it in the box.

The box will remain locked.

-I will be in charge of the key.

-Why are you keeping it locked?

It's not like you're going to be holding military secrets.

The box will remain locked because that is how Mr Harker wants it done.

PHONE RINGS

Yeah, so using warm water and some oil.

-That makes a real difference to the dough.

-Right.

We'd better not make them too hot

after your last experience with the curry.

You're not going to let me forget that, are you?

-Oh, no.

-SHE CHUCKLES

Ah, right, come here, you.

Open your mouth.

-Mm.

-Nice?

-Mm!

Why d'you close your eyes?

It helps me concentrate on the food. Try it.

There we go.

-Mm!

-Mm.

Yeah! Yeah, it makes it more, um...intense.

Right, back to the dough.

I don't think it needs any more kneading.

Right. The next bit needs a much more delicate touch.

Ah, well, I have a very delicate touch...so I'm told.

Ooo, Mrs Tembe, why don't we have a prize for the best suggestion?

You know, give people an incentive.

That is an excellent idea. Write it down.

Um...who decides whose is the winning suggestion?

-That would be me.

-You know what drives me mad?

People leave stuff in here and it goes off. I mean, look at that.

Tuna sandwich. Cottage cheese! 16th December!

How about massages for staff? You know, it's good to relieve stress.

HE CHUCKLES

We do have all that green space outside, we should really use it.

We could do, like, a landscaping project.

Turn it into a garden for everyone.

Get some volunteers. I'd do it. And then we could grow herbs!

-Huh! Grow herbs?

-Yeah!

I'm sure herbal remedies would prove very popular down at the campus.

Many plants have proven medicinal benefits.

They do, Mrs Tembe.

There was that recipe from the Dark Ages that help treat MRSA, remember?

What are you talking about?

The suggestion box. Mr Harker's initiative.

Ah, excellent. I'm going around to Valerie's after work.

-I'm sure she'll be full of ideas.

-How is she?

Ah, not good.

The last few days have really taken it out of her.

-Well, send her our regards.

-Will do.

How about a benevolent fund for staff?

I still think it's a waste of time.

Dr Haskey, you are always so good at defining problems.

I am sure you can come up with some excellent solutions.

I cannot wait to see what you come up with(!)

Have you had symptoms like this before?

Yeah. Tremors, clumsiness,

problems with balance, all those.

And there've been incidents.

Not as public as today, but...

I'm going to refer you to a specialist.

They will run a series of tests

and then we should know a lot more about what's going on.

Parkinson's. I've had all the tests. That was the diagnosis.

I'm so sorry.

-When were you diagnosed?

-Fortnight ago.

You know it's bad when they start being all sympathetic.

They should have referred you to a follow-up appointment.

It's really important that you monitor this.

Yeah, yeah, they're telling me to come back. I haven't had time.

I've been working flat-out the last few weeks,

and there's the conference.

This really needs to take priority.

I want to go to Florida.

I've earned that.

Do some networking, have some fun while I still can.

I don't have time for all this.

This isn't something that you can bargain with.

It's not a deal you can make.

I've barely been ill a day in my life.

I keep in shape, I-I gave up the fags years ago.

I go to the gym, I swim.

Parkinson's isn't about lifestyle.

And it'll get worse. And there's no cure.

There's a lot of research.

And a lot of treatments that can really help with the effects of the condition.

You know what I hate?

Losing control of everything.

My emotions.

Having tantrums, like a child.

Everyone in that restaurant must've thought I was obnoxious.

Look, I'm not a business guru,

but I would guess that a lot of it is creative thinking

and problem-solving.

You have those skills. Why not apply them here?

Find out all you can about your condition, what help is available.

The more information you have...

..the more control you have.

I suppose.

How do I tell Lauren?

Well, you don't have to.

She'd probably run a mile if she knew.

Um...not necessarily.

I mean, I don't know, but she did seem to genuinely care.

She was really concerned. But...it's your decision.

Let's bring her in before I lose my nerve.

OK.

-I've made a complete mess of your kitchen.

-We both have.

Do you remember when you and the kids made pasta at yours?

It was like a bombsite.

So we've got a few more to make and then we can fry them.

Right. What shall we do while they cook?

I can think of something.

Come here.

OPERA MUSIC

DOOR OPENS Mum?

Shak? You're home early.

Do you have the afternoon off school?

No, it's half-term.

We were playing football, but it got cold, so...

Why don't you get in the shower and get warm?

I'm going to make some snacks up and some tea

and then we can all play cards together.

That'll be nice, won't it?

-Parkinson's?

-Yes.

And it's progressive? It's going to get worse?

Yes. But every case is different.

I would suggest that you both go back to Mark's specialist,

discuss it with her, then you'll know better what you're dealing with.

I know I should've told you before.

You've a right to know.

We'll still go to Florida. Probably do us both good.

And after that...

Well, we can think about the future.

I know it's been a shock for both of us.

It's going to mean some big changes.

But I'm not going to let it beat me.

I can cope with anything if you're with me.

And you will be...won't you, Lauren?

Lauren?

Look, forget our arrangement.

You can move in, we can live together.

Hang on. That was never the deal!

Mark, when we met, you told me you became a sugar daddy

because you didn't want a relationship.

You didn't want a girlfriend or another wife.

Forget that.

I love you.

Where's all this coming from?!

Mark, you...you pay me.

I like you, I do, and...and we get on and I'm grateful,

but I don't love you.

And you don't love me.

You're just looking for someone to look after you. Sorry, I can't.

What are you doing here, man?

Your mother invited me for lunch.

Shak, you know me.

Yeah, I thought I did.

Yes, you do, you stayed at my house.

Yeah, but we're not in your house now.

And just because you put us up, that doesn't mean we owe you anything.

SHE doesn't owe you anything.

I'm not trying to assert some droit du seigneur. I don't want anything.

-So, what is it, then, with you and her?

-Huh!

-You think it's funny?!

-No, I wasn't expecting to be interrogated.

I-I... My intentions are honourable.

I can provide you with bona fides...

Stop doing that! You're always doing that. Using long words...

-It's Latin.

-Whatever!

HESTON SIGHS

Your mother and I are friends.

Sounds like more than friends to me.

I respect her and she respects me

and it's been quite a long time since either of us have...

Look, no offence, yeah, but you're old, man.

Well, even men of my advanced...

You're doing it again, you're being pompous!

Look, I know it must be very difficult

thinking of your mother with another partner,

but I don't want to hurt her.

I'm not going to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do.

SHAK SIGHS

Yeah. OK, all right.

Do you want to ask anything else?

No, you're all right.

MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES

You'll have to rally your own support network. What about family?

Them? Bunch of parasites.

They only get in touch when they want money.

Well, you've been married...

Ex wives? They'd laugh in my face.

Right. What about friends?

The only person I've relied on is me.

I like it that way. It's simpler.

That's going to have to change.

Yeah.

Like everything else.

I've got an appointment with someone in Harley Street.

-He's meant to be one of the best. No offence.

-None taken.

You still here?

Yeah, I went back and got this.

It's the ticket, hotel confirmation, everything.

You'll need it if you want to get a refund.

Did you really expect me to stay?

Look, I'd be rubbish at looking after you.

Mopping brows and that, it's just not me.

-Fair enough.

-You'll be all right, you've got money.

You can afford all the nurses you want, the best medical care.

OK, I get it.

I'll give you back this month's allowance.

-Don't be silly.

-No, no, I have to.

I'm not taking anything more from you. It wouldn't be right.

There you go.

I hope it all works out for you. And enjoy Florida, OK?

Take care.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

I'm out. RHUMA CHUCKLES

We used to play cards on family holidays.

Yeah. Back in the 19th century.

-Oi!

-We didn't have Wi-Fi or gadgets.

A book and a pack of cards and we were happy.

Aw! We only play cards because I beat him at computer games.

Ha! Don't get too confident.

Are you in, or out?

I'm out.

-Yes! Winner takes the last samosa.

-Yay!

-Mm!

-Not bad for an old man.

What gives you the right to interfere?

Trying to guilt-trip me into staying with him.

That's not what I was trying to do at all!

You tried to make him think I was in love with him!

No! I...I thought you cared about him. You behaved like you did.

Oh. You wanted me to check him out

to see if he could keep up his end of the bargain.

I had a right. That's just business.

And you saw what he was like when I wasn't at 100%.

If it was the other way around,

if I'd just been diagnosed with a serious illness,

do you think he'd look after me?

Look, would you do it, give up your life?

If I loved someone, yes.

But you don't love him and I wouldn't want you to do that.

You'd end up resenting each other and you'd both be miserable.

You keep talking about love. You still don't get it.

If I was less pretty, or a bit overweight,

he wouldn't have looked at me.

He wants the best and so do I. That's how this works.

That's what I'm selling.

So, what now? You just get yourself another sugar daddy?

Look, I have to.

You can't do this forever.

Yeah, and I don't plan to.

When I graduate, I'm going to start my own business.

I aim to be a millionaire before I'm 30.

I mean, look, I'm not saying everyone should do that.

And you be caring and sharing if you want.

I'm just doing what works for me.

Sounds like you've got it all figured out.

Yeah. Like I said,

you don't have to worry about me, I can look after myself.

I can see that.

SHE EXHALES

I've had a really nice day.

So have I.

You know, we should do it again soon.

But without the kids. Just us.

Well, we should go away for the weekend, the two of us.

My treat. We could go walking, relax.

Spend some time together.

It's, um...difficult because the kids have got their exams coming

and, you know, with work and things.

It was just an idea.

Yeah.

I do want things to progress, you know, it's just a bit...

Too much.

Um...I should be going.

-See you tomorrow.

-Yeah.

I have got some other suggestions,

I just want to think about them first, do some research.

See, told you it was a good idea.

It was Mrs Tembe, she made it work.

Hm.

Don't worry, you get off. I'll lock up.

Right, well, I will see you in the morning.

The key to the suggestion box is missing.

The suggestion box.

That management sop to worker participation.

Good to know you got a cracker looking out for you.

There's some right dodgy whatsits living around here.

Yeah, clear off!

Oh, Mrs Tembe!

You really don't understand how to play the game, do you?