24 Doctors

Yes, Mum...

I know he was a bit of a numpty, but he was only winding Dad up.

Mum, listen to me, I'll say it again...slowly.

I'm...not...pregnant.

Darren made a stupid joke,

sending him a grandad card instead of a birthday card.

It's his sense of humour.

Believe me, once I'm done with him, he's not going to be laughing.

DOOR OPENS

Just carry on with the medication, finish the bottle.

Two seconds.

Where's Jim?

-He's just nipped back to The Mill.

-Has he?

I don't mean to be a pain, but I'm on a bit of a schedule.

I'm sure that fella won't mind if I cut in first?

That fella was here first and his need is more pressing.

Him being actually ill.

So if you wouldn't mind taking a seat.

Uh...Mr Walsh?

Come through.

OK, close the door behind you, please. Grab a seat.

Uh...

Mark...

So how can I help?

I need to get a tattoo removed.

OK. So it's my understanding that, yes, it was possible on the NHS,

if there was a risk to health

or a significant cause of distress for you.

But, unfortunately it's not possible any more.

Belt tightening.

I can't live a normal life. I'm a student.

I can't get a job now because of it,

so I can't pay to get it done privately.

And when I graduate, I've got no chance.

Right, OK...

Why don't you show me the tattoo?

RADIO BLEEPS

-RADIO:

-'All units, rendezvous at the FCP in the car park

'of the Head Of Steam pub near Letherbridge University.'

RADIO BLEEPS

'Armed man seen on University Avenue...'

RADIO BLEEPS

'..approach with caution.'

SIREN WAILS

Right.

No heroics.

-Look, I am sorry, but it is first come, first served...

-HE SIGHS

PHONE RINGS

Hello. Campus Surgery.

Oh...

One moment.

Dr Granger...

Um, sorry to interrupt, but there is a call for you from the police.

It's very important.

-What's going on?

-One second.

Lockdown?

I mean, I read a document about it, some time ago,

but I've know idea what to do.

Um...

MOBILE RINGTONE

Anthony!

Do you know what's going on?

You know everything?

Fine. Anthony's going to talk us through it.

-GROANING:

-I feel awful. Pains in my chest.

OK, I'm going to pass you to Valerie, all right?

OK, let's get you sat down.

HE GROANS AND SIGHS

Daniel, you need to tell everyone what's going on

and then we need to lock the front doors.

OK, fine.

So...everyone, there's been some sort of...an incident on the campus.

The police have put the entire university in lockdown.

So, we have to stay put until we get the all clear from them.

Valerie, would you lock the doors, please?

You ain't locking me in here with these sick people!

Look, there is a gunman roaming the campus,

but if you want to take your chances,

we're not going to stop you.

I only came here cos it's nearer to work!

I demand to know exactly what's going on!

You know as much as we do, all right?

Look, we have to stay CALM.

I'm going to treat everyone as I normally would do

and we'll just wait till we get the all clear, all right?

-OK, are we locked?

-Yes.

Let's get you into the consulting room.

-HE GROANS What's your name?

-Dave, Dave Brewer.

-Are you registered with us?

-Yeah.

-When did the chest pains start?

-A couple of minutes ago.

-Oi!

What happened to first come, first served?

This man might be seriously ill. Are you?

No.

Fine, then I get to decide who gets seen when. Got it?

We're not going anywhere anytime soon, so take a seat.

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

Just grab a seat for me.

OK...

(That's it.)

Is... Is it a heart attack?

First things first. Age?

58.

Have you ever smoked?

Quit ten years ago.

20 a day.

Any family history of heart disease?

Good.

Is it a heart attack!?

Any heart problems before?

I've...

I've been under a lot of stress.

Everything's just...

just built up.

Well, that can certainly cause heart problems.

I lost my job...

University....security...guard.

HE PANTS

OK, calm down, calm down. Just breathe nice and easy.

When did that happen?

Last week.

Cuts.

Then...yesterday...

HE BEGINS TO SOB

..we've had money problems...

My... My wife left me...

..went to stay with my daughter.

Just calm down, try and calm your breathing down.

I'm really sorry to hear that, all right.

Everything's gone...

I mean...

where am I going to get a job at my age?

I'm... I'm done.

There's going to be something out there for you, all right.

What we need to do is get you to hospital for tests.

It's the only way we can be sure about what's going on with your heart.

But there's been some sort of an incident on the campus,

so there's going to be a delay.

-Can you describe the chest pains to me?

-Sharp.

It's difficult to breathe.

And how long do they last?

-Seconds.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

I'm sorting drinks for everyone.

-Tea? Coffee?

-Caffeine? He's got chest pains!

Oh, I was talking to Sid and he was saying he'd read some research...

-Water, please.

-Yep.

Everything's going to be fine.

We'll move you to another room in a minute, while we wait for an ambulance.

Slow your breathing down.

Argh! Damn battery...

Excuse me, mate.

-You don't have a charger I could borrow, do you?

-Yeah.

-Would you like anything to drink?

-I'd love a coffee.

-Do you mind, I'm in the middle...

-This is important. I need a word.

Just give me a sec, OK?

(What is it?)

I was looking online, trying to find out what's going on.

-What's he saying?

-Just give us a moment.

It's the usual... Any members of the public see him,

don't approach him, blah, blah, blah.

The police haven't identified him, but...

But...

Their big lead is that he has Nazi tattoos.

That nutter out there has got SS tattoos on his neck.

-It's got to be him!

-He just doesn't look like the mad gunman type.

They never do. Not till they go postal on you.

I saw inside his bag. He's got wires and stuff.

So?

A bomb!

DANIEL SIGHS

OK, give me a hand with my patient, would you?

We're just going to take you into another room.

Three, two, one. There we go.

OK, just in here.

Actually, Valerie I will have that coffee.

-And somebody needs to keep an eye on Mr Brewer.

-I'll do it.

Right, thanks.

-Coffee, was it?

-Please.

DRAMATIC RINGTONE

Daniel?

'Hi, Rob, er, listen...'

I'm at the Campus and we're in lockdown.

'I'm aware of that.'

But before you ask, I don't know how much longer it's going on for.

'Daniel?'

Er, yeah, so the guy that you're looking for,

he's got Nazi tattoos, right?

How do you know?

Well, it was online.

'Daniel?'

Er, just keep me updated, would you?

Right, cheers.

Why didn't you say something?

Because I don't have an actual reason to suspect him, that's why.

He's got a FASCIST tattoo!

And patient confidentiality is an issue for me.

You need to make your mind up. Is he a gunman or a bomber?

-Well, I don't know, do I?

-Exactly.

I say we grab him and we check him out.

-If he's innocent, no harm done.

-Yeah, he may not feel that way.

He's a racist!

-His feelings don't count.

-DANIEL TUTS

We might be locked in here with a mad terrorist.

Give me two minutes with him.

-I'll get the truth out of...

-No.

You going to stop me?

You do that, I'll call the police and I'll tell them

there's a madman attacking patients.

So go and sit down.

Mark...

HE GROANS

-Are you feeling any better?

-I still got...

got chest pains.

Oh...

Well, look on the bright side. It could be worse.

You could have cancer.

I thought I was dying!

Well, probably not, not now you're here.

Probably!

That doctor made it sound like I was OK.

Really? Daniel said that?

Yes.

Oh, well. He probably knows what he's talking about.

HE GROANS

There's got to be something on the NHS I can do to sort this.

I have to keep it covered.

When people see it, they get weird.

There's been girls and...

Well, they see it and they freak out.

It's ruining my life.

If that's not significant distress, what is?

I hear you.

Just tell me,

how long were you involved in right-wing politics?

I'm not stupid.

He's not the only one who can use the internet.

You're thinking it's me.

If I thought it was you, I would have called the police already.

But Billy...

Billy thinks you're a racist.

I'm not a racist. I never believed any of it.

He doesn't know that.

This is what I MEAN.

It causes distress for me, it causes distress for other people.

It makes it impossible for me to have a normal life.

All very good reasons to have it removed.

But everybody here is on edge.

Do you not register that?

When I was younger, I...

I ran in with a bad crowd,

but I grew up, got educated.

Just...not before I got this done.

Billy said that he saw wires in your bag.

You want me to show you my bag?

Might help.

-Would you ask anyone else to do that?

-I don't know.

I can't make you show me.

So my rights don't count. Who's the fascist now?

MOBILE RINGTONE

PHONE RINGS

Hi, Daniel, it's Rob.

I'm sorry I don't have any more news for you, mate, but...

I just wanted to make sure that you were OK?

'You sounded a bit like...

'Well, you sounded a bit like you wanted to tell me something?'

No, no, no. Everything's fine.

Well, why don't you just tell me anyway, just in case.

No, look, I'm sure you've got plenty to keep you busy down there, so...

Are you with someone?

Yup.

'Oh, right, right, OK.

'Sorry...'

I've got a...a patient with me, so...

Call me if you need anything.

Bye.

I'm studying computing.

That's why I got the leads.

Even if I had a bomb, I bet you wouldn't be able to tell.

Probably not.

See any guns?

No.

Sorry.

That doesn't mean that you're not linked to the gunman.

Is there any possibility that you could be the target?

-I can get the police...

-No, they don't go after every kid that drifts away.

My old mates know I don't have anything that could hurt them.

OK, um...

Is it possible that they're just making a warning to others?

You think they're a lot more dangerous than they really are.

And they love people thinking that.

OK, um...

Like I said, we don't remove tattoos anymore, but...

..I can look into it a bit further and...see what I can do.

No, I was really good at selling all the cookery stuff.

Until, you know, it all went wrong...

but that's life, isn't it?

The thing is, it wasn't really my fault, but nobody ever remembers that, do they?

Oh, stop talking, please!

I was only trying to take your mind off it.

You shouldn't get so worked up.

What if the doctor's not telling me everything?

I mean, you sounded surprised that he told me I'd be OK.

No, I only meant that he...

And you started banging on about cancer...

Is that what this is?

He thinks it's cancer, not a heart attack, and he won't tell me?

No, no!

I only mentioned cancer because...

Well, because I've got cancer.

Not you.

That's why I said it could be much worse.

Oh...

-I'm sorry.

-No...

-GROANING:

-I didn't mean any...

Sometimes it's better to say nothing at all.

Hey!

-Let go!

-Let's see what you've got in here!

Get off!

What's going on?

Stop it!

Pack it in!

Argh!

What the hell are you doing?!

Just want to...

see what he's got in there... What websites...

-What? You think I've got a load of fascist websites?

-Yeah, so let's see it.

What? Like Nazi.co.uk/recruiting?

There you go! I've deleted my history.

-That means he's got something to hide. Why else would...

-All right!

Leave it! He's showed me his bag.

There's nothing dangerous in there. Leave it!

Let's calm down.

-All right?

-VALERIE:

-Enough!

There is a sick man in here. Have you no shame?!

Yeah, this is ridiculous.

I've got three patients and I'm having to keep them separate!

You, go and sit down over there.

And, you, get in there!

Oh!

Sit down and don't touch anything.

More suspicion!

No. I'd say that to any patient I'd found BRAWLING in the waiting room.

I was defending myself. He attacked me.

And you can't call the police.

For fighting? You want a bet?

Sit down.

About the other stuff.

Doctor-patient confidentiality.

What are you doing?

I'm, er, just checking to see if there have been any developments,

-if that's all right with you(?)

-There hasn't.

I looked it up already.

-When?

-I'm quicker than you.

If you tell them, they'll arrest me.

Well, if you're innocent, it's not a problem...

Please. I'll be in prison till they work that out.

I want my confidentiality.

Confidentiality doesn't apply in every circumstance.

Don't push it.

DOOR OPENS

Where's the loo?

Downstairs.

Are you calling the police?

Er, no, not directly.

Mark thinks...that I'm bound by patient confidentiality...

Which, if I DON'T think he's the gunman, then I am.

But I'm not.

It's fine, it's fine. He hasn't got a gun,

which doesn't mean he hasn't ditched it or hidden it, I suppose.

I'm going to take some advice from Rob.

And in the meantime, there is a caffeine embargo.

They haven't found him.

I'm not sure they'd post it online.

I'm getting it from a chatroom for people

listening into the uni security frequency.

I'll know it when your chum does.

Isn't that highly illegal?

If your action man out there called the police on me,

I want to know if they're coming

cos I'm not going to keep on paying for the mistakes of my past.

Haven't you ever done stuff you've regretted?

Course I have.

And, look, I'm sorry if I made you feel picked on.

I know a joke about invading Poland.

I wouldn't do that.

It's in bad taste, I know,

but everyone thinks they crack that one for the first time.

I apologised to you, all right. What more do you want?

Tattoo removal.

I'm not the enemy, Mark.

I know.

And I lost my temper with...

-Maybe you should have met us halfway.

-No. He would have...

gone through my history.

I'm still in touch with mates from...you know.

He'd have seen my pictures on their pages and went ballistic.

He wouldn't see that I'm trying to change their minds.

They're not...

They're not bad people.

He's just a bully, an arrogant hot-headed...

I'm not sure that you get the irony.

Maybe in this situation, we could cut him a little bit of slack.

Good.

Progress.

HE BREATHES WITH DIFFICULTY

How are you doing?

Enjoying the silence.

Aw. That's nice.

Listen, I've been looking up some things up on the internet

and I'm not a doctor, obviously, but working here,

you do pick up a few things.

I've had a few ideas about what could be wrong with you.

And guess what?

They're not all heart problems.

Or cancer come to that.

It could be shingles,

acute cholecystitis,

anxiety...

Daniel. You called.

'Yes. I did'

Sorry, I missed it, mate.

I'm just on my way to try and get some more information

from the witness who made the 999 call.

Daniel?

This is a policeman friend of mine.

We can trust him to deal with this properly, OK.

Daniel, is there something wrong?

All right, this is almost certainly nothing.

But I've got a patient here, a young guy,

he's got an SS tattoo on his neck, which he keeps covered up.

Go on.

And I certainly don't want to get him into any trouble.

Tell me it's not the gunman?

No, he no longer moves in that world.

And I reckon you could deal with this tactfully.

Yeah, well, I will if it's not the fella that we're after.

I'll tell you what, why don't you send a picture of him

and I can show it to the witness.

OK, I'll see what I can do. Bye.

OK, so he's suggesting that I take a photo of you

and send it to him.

And once he gives you the all clear, I'll let Billy know.

Right... But I'm still guilty till proven innocent.

OK, just turn to the side...

That's it.

"When the costochondral joint becomes inflamed,

"it can result in sharp chest pains

"and tenderness.

"The pain may be made worse by a particular posture,

"such as lying down,

"pressure on your chest, such as wearing a seatbelt or hugging someone..."

Are chest pains a symptom of earache?

No.

-I'm thirsty.

-Do you want a glass of water?

I've just sent a photograph of Mark to a policeman friend.

He's going to show the photograph to the witness who saw the gunman

and I'm expecting that that will clear Mark's name.

So, just a head's up to you,

some apologies might be in order.

HE GROANS

Mr Brewer?

I'm feeling a lot better.

I don't want to waste anyone's time.

I'll just get going.

No, no. You're going nowhere, OK, because we're still in lockdown.

You may not be having a heart attack right this second,

but it's not worth the risk.

All right? So, please, let's take a seat... Gently.

That's it, there you go.

Miss McCall?

Ms...McCall, Bella McCall.

OK, Bella. I just wanted to double check

if there's anything else you could remember about the suspect.

Er...

not really.

I described him to the woman on the 999 call.

Oh, wait.

He was walking past the Linguistics Department

towards Modern Languages if that helps...

It all helps.

Actually, I'd like you, if you would,

to take a look at this man, please?

OK.

Is that the guy you saw with the gun?

He has a Nazi tattoo on his neck.

Is this for real?

I never said Nazi tattoo.

I said nasty...

NASTY tattoos.

He had his sleeves pulled back and all these cheap, horrible,

spider's web tattoos on his arms.

What is it with you English people?

You hear a Scottish voice and it's like something in your brain pops.

"Argh, accent, I don't understand it!"

-Nasty?

-Yeah.

NASTY tattoo.

I need to call in. Excuse me.

7244 to control.

RADIO BLEEPS

'Receiving...'

All right, Adolf.

Just us.

You're GOING to talk.

-HE GROANS

-Any better?

MOBILE RINGTONE

That sounds fine. Excuse me.

Rob?

Daniel...

That bloke whose picture you sent me, he's in the clear.

It turns out that our suspect is in his 50s,

'and does not have Nazi tattoos.'

Good, good news.

No, he has awful nasty amateur ones of spider's webs.

Um, Rob, just bear with me a moment, would you?

I'm just going to finish the rest of this call outside.

Valerie, would you come with me?

Argh, he's got a gun!

-Doctor.

-Um...

Please, Mr Brewer,

-'just put the gun down.'

-Daniel?

OK?

7244 to control.

OK, OK.

-SHOUTING WILDLY:

-All of you! In here!

Get over there!

Please...don't shoot.

Dave, Dave, listen to me.

OK, you can't escape,

your details are in the system.

And anyway, your heart,

it won't survive the stress of escaping.

You said I wasn't having a heart attack!

I said that I couldn't be certain.

Look, if you run,

there's a chance you'll be dead

before they catch you. And they will catch you.

And where are you going to go anyway?

I deserve some respect.

HE SOBS

I worked hard...

I deserve my job.

This university has ruined my life!

They binned me off cos of cuts, just cos I'm old.

I only wanted to put the fear of God into the admin staff...

..and make them see I'm a real person.

PHONE RINGS

-MEGAPHONE:

-'This is the police.

'We have armed officers surrounding the building.

'We want to talk to you to try and resolve this.

'If you are willing, please come to the window...'

DAVE GRUNTS AND GROANS

All right, that's it, that's enough.

-You ain't so hard now, are you?!

-Put the gun down.

It's not real, it's a replica.

What?! Right, seriously. Put it down!

Armed police! Armed police! Put the gun down!

I'm the doctor here.

This man is NOT the gunman.

THIS man is.

He's also in need of urgent medical attention.

Please!

(You two...)

'0710, suspected heart attack...'

I told you everything I know!

That was pretty heroic. Well done!

24 minutes that lasted.

-How exciting!

-Hey, Rob.

-Is everybody OK?

-Oh, yeah. We're all great.

-What happened?

-Oh, it was amazing.

I was in there with him the whole time and

I didn't even know that he'd come in with a gun.

It wasn't a real gun, Valerie. SIREN WAILS

Daniel was a hero.

Mark was a hero.

We were all heroes!

Oh, I can't wait to tell everyone about it!

Cos it's been a bit difficult lately,

I've had a bit of a rough time...

..and a sort of an argument with Al

and this morning I was a bit, I don't know, subdued.

But after all that, oh,

the adrenaline, my goodness!

-You must have that all the time being in the police...

-Hm.

This is my girl.

My beautiful daughter,

Ayesha.

All right?

Does he have a name?

Course he has a name!

-AL:

-He's this really cheesy musical theatre superstar...

I know who he is.

He is on Valerie's bucket list.

The man is coming here. Today.