Direct from the West End Doctors

PHONE RINGS

Anthony Harker.

Thank you!

Yes, that's fantastic.

Absolutely perfect.

Thank you, yes.

Very grateful.

Morning!

Ask me what day it is!

ALL: What day is it?

It's my wedding anniversary!

-Wow!

-26 years!

-That is a big deal.

-It is!

So what was that thing we all went to last year?

That was renewing our vows.

Karen has two anniversaries a year!

Yeah, that's right, I do!

So you've really been married for 26 years?!

I think that's wonderful.

Thank you, Valerie.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, congratulations.

He swept me off my feet.

I bet you looked beautiful.

Actually, I don't remember it.

Oh, no, you wouldn't.

No.

Still 26 years.

It doesn't really count though, does it?

-Not if you don't remember most of it.

-Of course it does!

It just makes it more mysterious and romantic.

Imagine, two hearts, beating as one for 26 years.

You are a lucky woman, Karen.

I know.

I won't have that.

Not now.

I mean, even if I met the man of my dreams today,

I would be lucky to get 26 days before the cancer gets me.

Oh, don't say that.

You never know, love might be just around the corner.

Do you know what I got for Valentine's Day this year?

Possibly my last ever Valentine's Day?

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Cheer up, Ladies!

You never know what the day might bring!

You'll never guess.

Probably not.

I need your help.

You and Valerie, you have kissed and made up?

What?!

After the malpractice thing. You're friends again, yes?

Colleagues. I'd describe us as colleagues.

I've got this thing planned for her. Thought you might be able to help.

I highly doubt it.

Morning.

Something I said?

It's Valerie. She's just a bit sad.

Should we do something?

What can we do?

A party?

A gathering. Maybe Sunday?

I can't. I'm busy.

What about you?

Rob's whisking me away somewhere romantic.

So that leaves...

Like that's going to cheer her up!

-Karen!

-No, Karen's right, sorry.

-Jimmi! Have you got your camera with you?

-Yeah, it's in my room.

-Excellent. I might need you later.

-Why? What's happening?

-Wait and see.

At least someone's happy.

Why am I her best friend all of a sudden?

Because she really likes you. She's been like this all morning.

Valerie?

Look at the state of you! Come on.

Smarten yourself up a bit! A smile wouldn't go amiss.

A bit of lipstick, a touch of glamour. What do you think?

I think you're being really insult...

Well, I think you need to sort out those invoices in my office.

Actually, Anthony, I'm not feeling very well today.

So, I'm just going to finish this and then I'm going to go home.

Nonsense!

You can't go home! I need you here.

Al?

Yeah, come on, Valerie, power through.

You'll feel fine in a bit.

If she wants to go home, she can go home.

You told me that.

Yes, but...

the invoices.

But you said if I'm not ever feeling well enough, that I should go home.

I had to go home.

Well not today. Come on.

I've been sworn to secrecy.

Ricky Delaine.

Anthony knows someone who knows someone

who knows someone who is Ricky Delaine.

He's this really cheesy musical theatre superstar.

I know who he is.

He is on Valerie's bucket list.

And the man is coming here.

Today.

-Ricky Delaine?

-Yeah.

I'd have thought that Anthony would have had more sense.

-It's brilliant!

-Is it?

Are you sure he's not winding you up?

Maybe he is.

That's fantastic.

Fantastic? We're talking about Ricky Delaine.

Do you know anything about the man, or is this just a general prejudice?

-I'm allowed to be prejudiced.

-Have you heard him sing?

The fact that he is on Valerie's bucket list tells me

all I need to know about Delaine.

Saw him on Midlands Today last week.

He came across really well. He was very down-to-earth.

I can't remember what he was promoting...

He would have been promoting his latest tour.

Or some album - Ricky Delaine Sings Other People's Songs,

-Just Not As Well!

-Maybe.

But they were asking him how he was unwinding,

with his hectic schedule.

Go on, enlighten me.

Battlestar Galactica.

No way, BSG?

"The greatest series since Star Trek,"

which is, I believe, how you described it to me.

The original Star Trek.

"The greatest series since the original Star Trek"!

So he can't be that bad, can he?

But it's something happening here, this afternoon?

Niamh?

Niamh?

-Hi. I'm Ricky...

-Ricky Delaine.

-Yes.

Ricky Delaine!

Hi, I'm Niamh.

Hello, Niamh.

-I'm here...

-This is Karen. So...

Hello, Karen.

Ricky... Mr Ri...

Mr Ricky...

SHE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY

Just Ricky.

-BARELY AUDIBLE:

-Ricky.

How can I help?

-He's here!

-What?

He's here, in Reception.

Great! How exciting! Let me know when he's gone.

Darren Sharman?

LOUD CHATTERING

Darren Sharman for Dr Haskey?

-DARREN SHARMAN!

-That's me.

This way, Mr Sharman, and we can avoid the stage door groupies(!)

Yes, but...

-Ricky, would you like to come through to the staffroom?

-Why not?

Would you like to make some space for Ricky there? OK.

No, no, not you. You stay there...

Just to the left here.

Al! Dr Haskey!

I've got Ricky Delaine in and I don't know what to do.

-Maybe you can get his autograph?

-No.

-Or you could get him to sing us a song?

-Al!

Fetch Anthony. It was his idea.

Excuse me. 12:30. Barry Grantham.

If you could spare the time.

I can't just leave him there.

He'll be fine in the staffroom. Come on.

Mam's is his biggest fan. She's not going to believe this!

-She's not the only one.

-Hello!! Am I actually invisible?

Just one second.

No! Get back out of there.

-I've got to call her.

-Who?

-Mam.

What's he actually doing here?

He's here to see Valerie. He's on her Bucket List, remember?

I could be dying over here.

Here now!

You have a medical appointment. You can call her later.

It's my phone!

Yeah, and it's my time you're wasting.

I could get a selfie with him.

Or you could go into the consulting room.

Mam won't believe me unless I get a...

The consulting room, if you please.

Thank you very much.

Anthony! In Reception! It's...

Yes! Thank you.

That'll be Mr...Singer.

The very famous Mr Singer.

I've never heard of him.

Well, I'd better not keep him waiting.

Valerie, if you could just keep sorting those receipts.

Anthony, sorry, I don't mean to be difficult,

but all I can say is you've changed your tune.

I am an administrative secretary, not a dogsbody.

You promised me more flexible working.

I can't say I'm feeling very flexible right now!

I just need you to finish this one task,

and then I've got something better for you shortly.

(Much better!)

I'm an administrative secretary!

-It's not for me.

-No?

Mam's got all his albums.

Not really your thing though?

No. Well, he's more for the ladies, really.

Yeah.

I take her to see his shows and things, you know.

-In the West End?

-Oh, aye, he's done all the big shows.

He played the Symphony Hall last year. And on tour? Awesome!

You went with your mum?

Well...someone has to take her.

Like I say, Mam's a big fan.

Hello.

Any chance of a cup of tea?

Yes! Tea! Yes, of course, er...

-Garibaldi?

-Lovely!

Mr Delaine! Thank you so much for this.

It's not a problem, I was in the area.

So you must be Tony?

Anthony. Anthony Harker, the practice manager.

You've met Karen, our receptionist.

-You gave me quite a shock.

-And this is Doctor Clay.

-Jimmi.

Jimmi's our resident photographer.

-I thought we might get a few snaps.

-Yes, of course. And Valerie?

In a moment. If you could just, er...?

Just towards the light for me. And smile, please.

OK, one more.

And if you could just smile again.

-Do you think that's, er...?

-Yeah, looking good.

-Excellent.

In that case sit tight, get some coffee, tea, whatever,

-and I'll go and get the lady herself.

-Right.

Jimmi.

So, Valerie - what's she like?

Ummm.

Mam likes his solo albums, I prefer the shows.

So I'm going to give you the same thing you had before.

-South Pacific...

-You take it twice a day, with food.

Have you seen it?

-Have I seen what?

-South Pacific, the revival!

We were there for the opening night in Birmingham!

-Fantastic.

-And then when it transferred to the West End,

-we were there for the opening night again!

-Good for you.

Ricky played Emile, obviously.

-Who's Emile?

-Who's...?

# Some enchanted evening

-Oh, right.

-# You may see a stranger... #

-OK.

-# You may see a stranger... #

-Got it.

-# Across a crowded room... #

-OK, I'm going to print this out for you.

-# And somehow you know

# You know even then

# That somehow you'll see her

-# Again and again... #

-Take this twice a day,

-with food, yeah?

-# Some enchanted evening... #

-OVER THE SINGING:

-There you go, you can be on your way.

No, this is not what you promised me! Real work, you said.

Valuable work. I mean, if this Mr Singer wants a cup of coffee,

he should make it himself. Or actually you should make it.

I'm an administrative secretary, I should not be making coffee!

He's... He's right there, isn't he, Mr Singer?

# Once you have found her

# Never let her go

# Once you have found her... #

Hello, Valerie.

# Never let... #

-Oh!

-SHE SCREAMS

It's a madhouse.

Hi, Mum!

Half an hour.

I arrived half an hour early,

and you kept me waiting another half hour on top of that.

An hour in that waiting room,

with nothing to read but a collection of NHS leaflets

on gonorrhoea.

Apologies for that.

We've been experiencing a little bit of a disruption today,

as you may have noticed.

I believe it is called Ricky Delaine.

There are sick people in this building, doctor.

He's just about the last thing they need.

You are absolutely correct.

A Royal Variety Show favourite.

I really don't know anything about him.

He's a bathroom tenor.

Wouldn't know his Puccini from his Verdi -

even if they paid him to sing Nessun Dorma in a dog food advert...

-Right!

-..which they probably have.

OK, calm down, slow breaths.

I get this all the time.

Total panic.

I mean, to me.

-Usually before I step on stage.

-You all right?

Oh!

-Ricky...

-Now, Valerie...

I hear that you have been through some tough times.

What...?

Yes?

What's your favourite song?

Well, that is a really good question.

Do you mean any song ever recorded

or just the ones that I've done?

-Just yours.

-Well...

Go on, what's your favourite?

Ah, well...

-No.

-Yeah, yeah.

No, it's my favourite.

Oh, you're really making me feel old here!

I recorded that when I was... What?

..23.

What is it?

BOTH: Love Changes Everything.

I thought that was Michael Ball.

No, Ricky Delaine did a cover in the '90s.

I think that is actually one of my favourites too.

Yeah, I think I should leave. Thanks, yeah.

This...

Oh, this is unbelievable!

What are you doing here?

You have some very kind friends.

Oh, I do. I do.

Who was it?

Who arranged this?

Anthony...

I just...

My dentist knows Ricky's agent.

Well...thank you!

And thank you so much.

No, don't thank me.

I'm getting a free dental check out of this!

You are going to sing for me, aren't you?

I don't think that was part of the arrangement.

-Oh, you've got to sing!

-Yeah. Please?

You know, this isn't exactly ideal surroundings.

# Love, love changes everything

# Hands and faces

# Earth and sky

# Love, love changes everything

# How you live and how you die

# Love will make the summer fly

# Or a night seem like a lifetime

# Yes, love, love changes everything

# Now I tremble at your name

# Nothing in the world will ever be the same. #

THEY APPLAUD

# Love, love changes everything

# Days are longer

# Words mean more... #

How can you possibly concentrate with all that going on?

Just ignore them and stay still please.

But it makes my heart leap, doctor(!)

It makes me want to join in the chorus(!)

-It makes me want to dance(!)

-Yeah, best not to.

She's disrupting your entire surgery.

Right, THAT is a little bit elevated.

Are you surprised?

-SINGING CONTINUES

-Who is the banshee anyway?

-She's a colleague.

-Oh?

-A friend.

-Oh, well...

..I can see she learnt her craft

at The Ricky Delaine School of Screeching.

# Love will never, never let you be

# The same. #

THEY APPLAUD That was brilliant!

That was really good.

You have such a lovely voice, Valerie.

Amazing!

Listen, Valerie, I'm afraid that this is just a flying visit.

-Oh, you can't leave!

-Well, not immediately, obviously,

but I really can't stay too long, I'm on stage in six hours.

But I've got so much to tell you cos I am your biggest fan.

Ever since...

Well, forever, really. Always!

-Thank you.

-Oh!

West End Lovers, I saw that twice.

Once in Manchester, once in Nottingham.

I couldn't get to Cardiff.

-Why didn't you come to Letherbridge?

-Next time, maybe.

-Thank you again. Very generous.

-No, I've had a great time.

I think you're amazing.

Are you sure you can't stay?

No.

Ah, but I haven't got your autograph!

Anthony, pen, paper!

-Reception?

-Oh, yeah.

Actually, my wife would probably quite like...

Got us some lunch.

I'll put it on the table.

Whenever you're ready.

I should come here more often.

Who have you got next week?

Gary Wilmot?

That's a little uncalled for, don't you think?

-Are you a fan?

-No, I'm not. It's just that...

Well, do you actually know the man

or is this just a prejudice against the popular culture?

Goodbye, Dr Haskey.

Mr Grantham.

Oh, hello.

Ah, are you the singer?

Oh, no. No, that was Valerie, our receptionist.

-Wasn't she brilliant?!

-Painful.

-Oh. I'm sorry.

What's wrong with Mr Grumpy Pants?

He's allergic to musical theatre.

Are you going to come and see him? He's so nice.

No, I'm not because someone has got to see the patients today.

OK. Do you know, he told me the funniest story...

SHE LAUGHS

..while we were waiting for Valerie.

Actually I probably shouldn't, cos it's quite rude.

Oh, come on. Come and see him.

I'll see how I get on, OK?

MUFFLED GIGGLING AND CHATTER

So, that's six weeks from today - Friday the 8th of April.

What time's good for you?

Do you think we might avoid the matinee performance this time?

10:15?

Perfect.

You can't give him that to sign!

Well, I can't just give him a piece of photocopy paper.

It's got to be special.

What about...

blank patient record cards?

A reminder of his trip to the surgery?

This has been the best day of my life

and it is all down to you.

It's all been very emotional.

Oh, has he gone?

Staffroom.

Oh, you left him by himself?

Yeah, it's all right. I think Al's in there with him.

Al and Ricky together, alone?

Are you sure that's wise?

So, Mr Delaine,

I understand that you're a fan of Battlestar Galactica.

Yeah, my guilty pleasure.

The re-imagined universe, yeah?

Well, I...

-have a soft spot for Glen A Larson...

-Come off it!

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century?

Yeah, fair point.

So...

skinjobs, not toasters?

They're all toasters!

Go on, mate, what's your favourite episode?

Can I include Caprica?

Yeah, but why would you want to?

Yeah, fair point. Well, in that case,

the first episode.

You know, that view of the Galactica...

I'm getting chills.

For me, it was that moment that you realise

that they've made Starbuck a woman. I was like...

"This... This is a thing."

You just fancy Starbuck.

-Well, she's very fanciable.

-She is very special.

HE GROWLS

-BOTH: Battlestar Galactica.

-Oh, I know.

-Tah-dah!

-Ah!

Sorry, sweetheart, we were busy.

This is my girl.

My beautiful daughter,

Ayesha.

-All right?

-Does he have a name?

Course he has a name!

Ike.

Nice to meet you, Ike.

I didn't get enough soup, I didn't know we had a guest.

Oh, that's all right.

I ain't hungry.

Me and my mum need some space.

Yeah. Well, I'll...

I'll just wait next door then, eh?

I mean I need you to leave.

Oh.

Much appreciated.

No problem, Anthony.

Ricky, I've just come up with this idea,

tell me what you think.

Battlestar Galactic - The Musical!

Yeah, with a Cylon chorus!

Yeah, we find the world's biggest venues

and we put on this extraordinary, kind of,

light and sound spectacular!

Who would you like to play?

Well, Apollo, obviously.

HE SCOFFS

Yeah, you could be his dad.

-You could be the Admiral.

-I could do Apollo!

Yeah, I'm just saying.

I can do what I like!

Of course you can because YOU are Ricky Delaine!

That's right. I'm Delaine, Ricky Delaine.

That's so cool. Apollo it is.

Boys...

Right...

Valerie...

I have a little something for you.

Look, keep well and write to me.

I've been through the medical roller-coaster

several times, myself.

-It's never easy.

-No, it's not.

But you have some really good friends here.

I'm sure they'll help.

Now stay strong.

Thank you, Ricky.

Oh, are they six show tickets?

It'll be a signed photo.

No, it won't.

Oh!

It's a Valentine's Card...

..to me, from Ricky Delaine.

That guy.

I mean, he's not the world's strongest vocalist, but,

as a personality, he's...

He's all right.

The thing is...

Your mum, she needs me.

Like a hole in the head.

Mum, just tell him to go.

I can't.

I don't want to.

Anyway, he's my new lodger.

What?!

Yeah, I've got keys and everything.

Oh, Mum, come on. You don't even know him!

He's paying rent,

I need the money. So be nice to him.

SHE LAUGHS

Happy anniversary.

They were like that when I first met them 30 years ago.

That should do it.

She always has a big appetite after a night of hot passion.

Too much information.

What matters is that we are still together.

He's just what I need right now.

You reckon?