Catching Up Doctors

# No, I

# I'm not afraid of you

# No, I

# I'm not afraid of you

# No matter how... #

I want Joe to get a boost from the Nativity. That's all.

It's not fair that he's hanging on, waiting, worrying.

He's not. He's more interested in trains.

He should be Joseph. He'd be perfect as Joseph.

Joseph? A shepherd? Gabriel?

He'd be perfect at those as well.

I suppose.

I just want him to have jolly memories of Christmas at school.

I don't mean to be pushy.

I know.

It's important to be happy at Christmas time, though, isn't it?

Of course - and he will be.

-What's wrong with her?

-Hm?

Don't know.

EMMA SIGHS

You know, then?

Yes. Yes, I have seen it.

Seen what?

What's wrong?

Let's get a cup of coffee. Mrs Tembe, can I get you anything?

Er, no. No, thank you, Dr Granger.

I will come and speak to you both shortly.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Yo.

You've seen it, haven't you? I don't want to know.

Emma, this too shall pass.

Will it?

Mrs Tembe knows. And now Zara is going to go online,

which means Daniel will know, Sid, Heston, everyone.

Why? I mean, why would somebody do something so cruel?

I don't know. It's just the way the sweaty bunch of cyber-punks operate.

Did you just say "sweaty bunch"?

Yeah.

Look, Emma...

They are a group of probably blokes

who call themselves The League

and they're untouchable because they are hiding out on the dark net.

Can't you take my photographs down?

They target people for sport.

They post photos of their conquests online.

-Once it's out there...

-Yeah, but there must be something you can do.

Look, more comments on the photos means more shares,

which means more comments and it goes on and on like that.

Look, I promise you I will do everything I can.

Hiya.

How are you, Jimmi? Today, I mean.

How are you?

-I'm fine.

-Excellent.

-Is there a problem?

-No.

Staples. Not that there are no staples. It's just...

No, it's not a problem.

Probably do without, you know,

what with tomorrow being tomorrow.

-Oh, the party?

-Yes, the party for me.

And I've got that other thing.

You know, I thought my follow-up at St Phil's

would be all that I'd have to deal with today, but now there's her.

Who is she?

A very nasty person.

Right, well, Valerie, we have a zero tolerance policy, so...

Oh, no. It was too long ago.

It doesn't matter. Patients can't be abusive.

She could be really spiteful.

She always used to say, "I'm just being frank,"

but Helen Lewison didn't as much call a spade a spade

as whack you around the face with the back of it.

Of course, she wasn't a patient then. Not here anyway.

Right, so we're talking...?

Sixth form college.

28 years and four months ago, approximately.

And you would've been?

18.

I know what you're going to say.

You're going to say you can't believe that I've held a grudge

for a quarter of a century.

Some people do.

Do you think she feels guilty?

Maybe she had reasons why she was horrible to you back then.

What? So you're saying I should forgive her?

Forget what happened? Move on?

Well, not for her sake, for yours.

Valerie, she's not the one hiding behind a stapler.

You're a wise man, Jimmi Clay.

Brilliant. OK.

Do you want to take a seat? You'll be seeing Dr Clay.

-Hello, there.

-Hello.

-Can I just pop for a pee?

-Yes. It's through there.

Ooh, I would guard against the over-tinkle.

You might be asked for a sample in there.

It might be wise to save a few drops.

Thank you.

Do you know, the last time I saw her, she was really into grunge.

Loved Nirvana.

Really?

Course, my hair is different now.

That's probably why she didn't recognise me. Yep.

Yep, Helen loved Nirvana.

I loved Wet Wet Wet.

'A bungalow!?'

What ridiculous PC nonsense is this?

There are three kings. There are shepherds. There are angels.

I'd have settled for any of those, but my son is not playing a bungalow.

When did you turn into some awful show biz mom?

Joe's going to love it.

Love playing a bungalow?! A bungalow?!

I mean, what has a low-rise building got to do with the birth of Christ?

He's not even playing the stable!

We haven't seen the script.

What sort of a school have we sent our son to?

OK, yeah. So here it is. It's an innovative showing of the Nativity.

It's inclusive. It's multi-roled

and it's encouraging to all pupils.

Please. Not even the stable.

And anyway, who made you lead parent?

I'm the one who sent the e-mails.

I left the messages. Why have they notified you?

You will have been cc'd.

Come on, Zara, he's not going to care what he plays.

-He's four and three-quarters.

-I know how old he is!

OK. We'll tell him that it's a really important role.

He's a fantastically important bungalow

and Joe will give it his all.

I was so looking forward to seeing him play Joseph.

I know. Me too.

Now I'm thinking how I'm going to roof him.

-Roof him?

-Yeah.

I've been thinking about it. I've got some of it worked out.

We'll go to that craft warehouse place just out of town

and we'll get some glitter, some felt and some straw.

They do multicoloured straw these days.

I'll get myself a glue gun, finally.

And Joe will be the best bungalow

in the history of Nativity bungalows.

Come on. What do you say?

'Hello. Henry Shire. Sorry I'm late.'

'Oh, three strikes and you're out.

'OK, so I just need a couple of signatures and some boxes to tick.'

Thanks. Idiot sat-nav thought it was closer to Barce...

Valerie! Valerie Pitman!

Were you hiding?

No! I was just re-capturing some rubber bands.

Come here, you.

Hey, no manhandling the receptionists!

Look at you. Did you see Helen?

I did but she didn't recognise me though.

No. Well, you know.

Wow, though, Vallers. Wow!

First Helen, now you. What a coincidence.

Helen's changed.

I don't know. She still tends to be preoccupied with herself.

-We didn't call her Look-at-me-Lewison...

-Look-at-me-Lewison.

-..for nothing.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. That's rude.

Well, it doesn't work now anyway.

Not now she's Helen Shire.

Yay!

Oh, you two got married?

-We did.

-Ah.

Oh. New customer.

-Mr Henry Shire?

-That'll be me.

Oh. Welcome to The Mill, the land that Tannoy forgot.

Come on through.

Ah, that's a little higher than I would have liked.

White coat syndrome.

I guarantee you, if I lay on the bed listening to Chopin

for 15 minutes, sipping a cup of mint tea

and thinking about the Cote D'Azur, it would be well in the green.

You practise the relaxation techniques?

My life's hectic. It works for me.

All right. Well, you're registered. I don't have any real concerns.

Is there anything you want me to tell you or anything you want to tell me?

I'm chuffed that we've found such a lovely surgery.

-Where were you before?

-London.

Feel so glad to be back in Letherbridge

and to have found The Mill.

Everyone is so lovely here.

We try.

-Well, thank you.

-Thanks.

Did you hear that?

-What?

-The penny that just dropped. Valerie?

Yes. Hello, Helen.

Henry's here.

Was he late? He's still always late.

No wonder why I didn't recognise you. Your hair...

I was just saying that to my friend.

So, you married Henry.

Somebody had to. He was too good to let go.

Didn't you two...?

No, you were always too nice for the likes of Henry.

-Was I?

-Yes.

You were always so nice and I was...

Oh, was I a bit of a cow?

No.

I was.

Good hair day, by the way.

You look really well.

Al, Al, Al. Mrs Ahmed's got Tupperware.

Oh, Mrs Ahmed, can you and the samosas just wait five minutes more?

Thank you very much.

You found Valerie.

I realised who she was in the loo.

Isn't Valerie looking marvellous?

Let's have lunch.

Ooh, no.

We were at college together.

Go on!

Well, my break isn't until two, so...

Doesn't matter. We're not slaves to the clock, are we, Hels?

Go on. Mrs Tembe's really distracted. Nick off early.

It'll be fun. A proper catch up.

I'll pick up any slack.

-Oh, You don't want me...

-Shut up! You're coming.

Go on. It's the class of...

'88.

Oh, my days. Last time we ate together, Turkey Twizzlers

were still considered food.

We were going to try that Icon place.

Come with us.

Oh, you were going there anyway?

We're in corporate hospitality.

Yeah, we need to get a handle on all the local watering holes.

-Really?

-Absolutely.

So you're coming for lunch. Two birds with one stone.

Work and play. My treat.

Yes. All right. I'll come.

That'll be lovely.

Just interpret the statistics.

Well, they're not good, Mrs Tembe.

There's something about that photo of Emma which is...

It's hit a virtual spot.

It's not gone viral yet, but it's...

HE SIGHS

It's gone bad.

What can we do to stop it?

Right.

PHONE RINGS

-Hi.

-'Hey.'

-'Can you talk?'

-Yeah, I'm just having a coffee.

'How you feeling?'

Well, better now that Al's sorting things out.

'Is he?'

Well, he's doing everything he can.

'Good.'

I've been doing some digging as well

and this whole categories thing is vile.

Categories?

Erm, the virgin, the fat one, the 1664.

What's a 1664?

Look 16 from the back, 64 from the front.

Are you there?

What? Er, yeah.

Oh, this is all my fault.

Don't you dare blame yourself.

No, but I'm being judged, aren't I?

For my lifestyle choices, my body, my age.

1664.

What right do people have to talk about me like that, anyway?

What? No, you're not the 1664! You're the doctor.

I'm so sorry, Emma. I thought Al told you all this.

But I'm being put on public display.

I have no privacy and no dignity left.

Emma, listen to me.

What these men are doing is disgusting.

But you've got to hold your head up high.

And do you know else you've to do? You've got to laugh at them.

They're pathetic.

Laugh at them? How is any of this funny?

I know. I know that some people find my opinion outdated.

And social media has made privacy and dignity outdated.

What was Dr Reid thinking?

Oh, come on. Two people, not just one. Emma's done nothing wrong.

She's a victim here.

Why do I have to know about the sexual activities of my colleagues?

Why?

What is wrong with decorum?

First there was Dr Carmichael and Dr Granger and their shenanigans

-and now...

-What can you do?

SHE SIGHS

Maybe we need some rules.

No. No, we will not call them rules,

we will call them guidelines. Sounds less draconian.

No casual sexual activities.

No bawdy drunkenness. And no coitis in public.

I'm sorry. Are you finding this amusing?

Oh, come on. Do you remember when you tried to ban sugar?

Can you imagine trying to ban sex?

Dr Haskey is a man trying to catch a buffalo with one hand.

Every click leads to another click

and every click makes this practice look like a bordello.

I think you're over-reacting.

-Am I?

-Emma is a victim here, Mrs Tembe.

Please don't lose sight of that.

I know.

Dr Reid. Can I have a word, please?

I know what you're going to say.

No, you do not.

Please, take a seat.

-Mrs Tembe, I'm...

-This will only take a minute.

We can all fall foul of victim blaming.

Whatever choice a woman makes,

it is her choice.

Her consent is hers to give.

Anything that is done to a woman without her consent is abuse.

You have done nothing wrong.

You are a victim

and you will get through this.

You have friends who will support you and this...

this man, he is nothing.

You think I'm a victim?

-Are you all right?

-No. No, I'm not.

Actually, I feel a little sick.

Do you mind if I go home?

Yes, of course you can go home.

And we are always here for you, Dr Reid.

DOOR SLAMS

I mean, it's not exactly the Ritz,

but all their eggs are all free-range and that's important, isn't it?

It is. Do you eat here often?

I do.

We try and go organic and free-range,

but there's only so much you can do when you're out.

So, Valerie, where else do you go? What about Birmingham?

So many Michelin starred restaurants.

Oh, I know. More than any other city outside London.

And more canals than Venice.

I'm not really a stars person, though, myself.

I'm just happy if my pizza's not too oily.

That's good. Keeping it real.

So what about the party season?

What's the best Letherbridge has to offer us this Crimbo?

If he says, "hollibobs", I'm going to stab him with my fork.

I love Christmas, especially the jumpers and the sequins.

I bet you twinkle right through the holidays.

I try.

Still an ABBA fan, Valerie?

Helen eventually washed her hair and moved on from Nirvana.

My hair wasn't dirty! That was product!

And, anyway, I can still rock it.

I adore the Foo Fighters.

Oh, I once met somebody who shook Dave Grohl's hand at Glastonbury.

And I, myself, have been serenaded by Ricky Delaine.

Ricky Delaine. That's impressive.

Red or white?

White.

Good choice.

Daniel, can we talk?

Yeah, what do you want?

-It's just...

-Have you seen this?

The full cast list in order of importance

and right at the bottom, Joe Granger Carmichael.

Final entry. The Bungalow.

-Later?

-Half an hour.

Now, what do you want me to say?

That I'm right!

That I am right to object to Gideon Tarsk-Cameron being Joseph.

That I'm right to think Joe would be a better Balthazar

than Barney Thompson and a better Casper than Rupert Lee.

And, although I applaud gender-neutral casting,

that it wouldn't be totally bonkers to suggest that he would be

a better Melchior than Felicity Abimbola!

OK. This is a primary school Christmas production.

It's not the main stage at the RSC.

He'll enjoy it, OK? We'll be happy.

Now...

have a samosa. Mrs Ahmed made them.

-Mrs Ahmed?

-Mm-hm.

I have a quinoa salad.

Go on. You know you want to.

They're fried

in ghee.

Yeah. That's what makes them irresistible.

Quinoa.

I tell you what. You go and do the right thing now

and I'll save you half of one for supper.

Daniel!

Valerie you always had such a sparkle.

I love that about you.

Don't let Helen catch you holding my hand.

Do you remember what she did to that girl she thought was flirting with Greg Ford?

Susan?

Anyway, she cut one of her plaits and drenched her in snakebite.

I'm not flirting.

Helen wasn't even going out with Greg Ford.

She just vaguely mentioned that she fancied him.

Shh.

I'm trying to tell you that I find you a little bit amazing.

You do something to me.

Do I?

Mmm.

What are you doing?

I'm imagining doing something to you.

Didn't you ever imagine doing things with me?

Tell me.

No. You'll laugh.

I won't.

I imagined you took me dancing.

On a beach.

In the moonlight.

And you kissed me on the cheek and you told me that I looked pretty.

HELEN LAUGHS

Oh, priceless. Honestly, Piggy,

you really haven't changed, have you?

I bet Henry 50 quid that you still had the hots for him.

Oh, Valerie, you are such good value.

Henry?

Priceless.

You are still so Piggy Pitman.

-You sorted?

-Er, yeah, for now. Coffee?

Er, no, this isn't easy to say.

I don't believe it.

Sorry, Jim. I can't let her do this.

-Zara!

-I'm sorry. I've changed my mind.

I am that mother.

No, no.

Don't start the car.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

OK.

HORN BLARES

HORN BLARES

You OK?

Valerie?

She used to call me Piggy Pitman.

She still does.

-Right.

-I couldn't say anything.

What happened?

There was wine and...

SHE SIGHS

It was my fault because I let him hold my hand.

I just thought they were being nice,

but actually they just wanted to laugh at my expense.

It was like being in a time warp.

She has changed, though.

She has got even nastier.

Well, you should go back. Tell her how you feel.

No, I shouldn't. Helen's got all the power.

So take it off her.

What if I can't?

You've got to try, otherwise she'll hold the power for the next 25 years.

Don't you have a right to say your piece?

-CAR HORN BLARES

-'Zara get out of the car!'

It won't make you feel worse but you might feel better.

'Get out of the car.'

CAR HORN BLARES

You are not going anywhere near that school.

Get out of my way. You're being an idiot.

Whatever.

Daniel.

-Can't you see I'm busy?

-No, this can't wait.

-Well, it's going to have to.

-It's about Cherry.

-Helen, don't.

-Don't what?

All I ever did was like you.

-I'm sorry.

-Oh, shut up, Henry. It was just a laugh.

Look, Valerie. It is time for you to toddle off back

to all your little friends at the doccie-woccie's

and let us enjoy our coffee.

Actually, it was one of my friends there who told me to come back.

-Some friend.

-Yes, he is, actually.

Look, I don't want to be friends with you.

-I'd be surprised if anybody does.

-Bye, now.

-But you, Henry.

-Valerie...

I have had cancer.

Bully for you.

Helen!

What? She's making it up.

Cancer?

More like Munchausen's.

No, Hodgkin's lymphoma.

That's what I've had.

I've had a year of horrible days,

which my friends helped me get through.

Thanks for sharing, Piggy, but you can go now.

Look, I know I'm very silly

and I'm not as chic as you are,

but some very nice people like me.

I have got friends.

Real friends that care about me.

Who'd care about you, Helen,

if you got really ill?

I remember when you were kind

and I don't think you were pretending.

What did she say?

Henry, I want to know!

I'm done.

-Do you not see what we did?

-Sit down.

She told us she'd had cancer!

Any normal person would feel awful and want to care.

What kind of woman are you?

Sit down and finish your coffee. It was just Piggy.

It was Valerie.

Do you know the difference between you and Valerie?

Um, everything?

She knows herself.

She lets other people see the real her and they love her for it.

Clearly they do.

Careful.

Wow!

Who'd have thought it?

I've seen the light and Valerie Pitman has shown me that.

And now, finally, I see you.

Congratulations.

You've won your bet,

but now you're on your own.

I'm done.

So, what's happened?

Have you heard from her?

It's about what you did.

Things...

in my life just bang into my head sometimes.

I try to understand them.

Some things I'll never get,

but I've spent a lot of time thinking about my marriage.

OK.

I didn't want to be alone.

I know that now.

It doesn't mean that I didn't love Cherry. I was in love with her.

I know it takes two.

It nearly broke me.

-We'd been drinking.

-You were my best friend.

You were the one I should have gone to when she cheated on me,

but you were the one she did it with.

Only people you care about can hurt you that much.

Acquaintances...

..people you don't even like, they...

they mess you up, yeah,

and it can be painful, but...

..when it's your best friend...

..it's really hard to get to a place where you can forgive them.

Forgive them?

Is this you forgiving me?

I'm starting to.

You were ill.

It wasn't just you.

I've been angry for too long.

I don't want to be that person any more.

I want a fresh start.

# I'm not afraid of you. #

Ah. Right, now are you going to try and catch Zara?

Yeah. Yeah.

See you.

Zara, please don't be this person, OK!

I'm begging you for Joe's sake. Don't do this to him.

Three month check-up. Nothing to worry about.

That's what everyone keeps saying.

But the fact is, it's almost the exact same day

that I was diagnosed last year.

Valerie.

Valerie.

Valerie.

Well?