Magpie Doctors

Morning, Alice. Just unblocking this drain.

You haven't got any problems your end, have you?

How are you coping? Everything all right?

Yes, thank you.

Just off to the shops?

I just need a few things for lunch.

I can fix you something if you like? I've got plenty in.

No, that won't be necessary.

At least let me give you a lift.

No, thank you.

Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

No, you're not.

I'm glad you called.

You went a little bit quiet on me.

Yes. I'm sorry about that.

I'm guessing we need to talk?

Nice perfume.

Thanks. I save it for special occasions.

I thought I might have heard from you at the weekend.

I had some friends staying, I was busy, so...

But I had nothing on today.

Thanks for the vote of confidence(!)

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.

Relax. I don't bite.

Well, not often anyway.

Oh, thanks. We'll start with a couple of glasses of champagne.

Of course.

(Life's always better with a bit of fizz, don't you think?)

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hello?

Hi, erm... How's the research going?

Nearly finished. I brought you a cup of tea.

Thank you.

Just how I like it. Well done.

I made some cupcakes too.

Yeah?

Wow. They look really good.

-Have one.

-Maybe after surgery.

It wouldn't look very professional,

talking to patients with a mouth full of cake.

Of course.

I was thinking about what you said on Friday.

Yeah, erm, about that, I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh.

It's me who should be apologising.

I'm so glad you were honest with me. It's exactly what I needed.

I'd be mad not to listen to someone with your wisdom and experience.

So thank you.

You're welcome.

Although, I'm not sure I do have that much experience.

You've got more than me.

True.

So are we friends again now?

I think we always were, weren't we?

I tell you what. If my next patient doesn't object,

why don't you sit in on the next consultation?

Really?

Yes. Really.

Did you manage to find somewhere to park?

I got a taxi.

Very wise.

Mm... Nice champagne.

I'm all for the good things in life.

Menu looks good too. They've, erm, got a specials board.

I like the look of the duck.

I like your dress. Very sexy.

You don't mind me saying that, do you?

No.

Look, erm, about the kiss...

What about it?

It wasn't planned. It just happened.

Yeah. It did, didn't it?

I have a confession to make.

I'd been wanting to do that for ages.

Have you?

Yeah. But you beat me to it.

Excuse me, madam, could I have a word?

I... I don't have time.

I'm afraid you'll have to make the time.

My husband will be wanting his lunch.

Then he'll be going hungry. My name is Gary Bardsley.

I have just seen you remove an item from this premises without

permission. I am therefore detaining you on suspicion of theft.

Are you the police?

-No, but...

-Let me go, please.

You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence...

I haven't done anything.

I'm sorry, madam, but it's my belief that you have.

My father built this business up from nothing.

You're stealing my birthright.

I'm really sorry, I...

Save it for the police.

We'll wait for them in my office.

I don't know what came over me.

Do you regret it?

No...

No, not at all.

The last two years have been... so tough.

And then you come into my life, and I feel like I have a real friend.

You have.

At first, I thought that's all I thought it was.

But...if I'm honest,

I can't stop thinking about that kiss.

Neither can I. And I want to do it again.

Part of me does too.

But, Lena, your friendship is the most important thing to me,

and I don't want to do anything to jeopardise that.

You did absolutely the right thing by bringing her in.

Let me know if the rash comes back, but I think she should be fine.

Thanks very much.

Bye.

Well done.

What for?

The way you handled Laura-Jane and her mum. Very relaxed.

I've got a niece that age. She's a cutie.

Meningitis. Every parent's nightmare.

How did you know she didn't have it?

Wrong kind of rash, and she didn't have any other symptoms.

But it's important we take each case very seriously.

I had it myself when I was younger.

No!

Yeah, when I was 12.

It was actually touch and go for a minute, but my GP was brilliant.

It was actually one of the reasons I became a doctor

so I guess some good came of it.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

It's just the thought of you being ill and nearly dying.

That's horrible.

Yeah, I suppose it would have been, had it happened.

But it didn't. So it's OK.

I haven't taken anything.

Unfortunately Mr Bardsley says you did.

It's all on CCTV.

It's all a terrible misunderstanding.

Well, in that case, you won't mind if I take a look in your trolley,

will you?

Thank you.

I knew it!

I didn't do it. I swear I didn't do it.

That's what they all say.

If you didn't do it,

would you mind explaining how it got into your trolley?

Look, this is huge for me too.

I thought I knew where I was in the world, then you come along,

and..."pow".

Have you ever kissed a woman before?

Remember that girl from uni I told you about?

We had a bit of a thing.

It took us both by surprise.

Anyway we were young, it didn't end well.

You?

No, it never even crossed my mind.

But Rachel was a long time ago.

I am married, for heaven's sake.

I know. And that's another thing.

I really don't do home-wrecking.

That's not what I want either. Steven is a kind, decent man.

But his fire went out a long time ago.

Not yours?

For a while, yes.

Without realising it, I've just been drifting into middle age.

Settling for a comfortable existence,

watching my life go by.

But getting cancer changed everything.

Made me realise how precious life is.

I could have died.

-Don't say that.

-But it's true.

And it could come back - next week,

next year. I don't know how long I've got.

None of us do.

Thanks.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome. Enjoy.

This is crazy.

I know!

Would you, erm, excuse me for a second?

She must have been at it long before I spotted her.

And they all belonged to the shop, did they?

My father's choice.

A little vulgar for my taste but I'm planning on phasing them out.

I didn't know we still did this one.

I thought we discontinued it a while back.

What have you got to say for yourself, Alice?

I don't know what he's talking about.

-I caught you red-handed!

-OK.

You've got to admit, it's not looking good.

Alice, did you take them?

Not this time.

What do you mean, not this time?

I wasn't stealing them. I was putting them back.

Al, are you around later?

Bethany's been doing some research,

and I think she might have found something

that's right up your street.

Cool. Let's do lunch. How's she getting on?

Erm, bit of a sticky start.

But we had a chat and she seems to be responding really well.

So, yeah... She's very keen.

-That's cos she's very young.

-It's not just that.

She's a good listener and I'm enjoying working with her, actually.

She could go a long way, I reckon.

You must think I was born yesterday.

How many times do I have to tell you?

We have a policy of always prosecuting shoplifters.

That's not strictly true. I was here a couple of years ago

with a young lad doing the same thing

and your father was inclined to let it go.

He's not running things any more. I am.

I'll see you in court.

I did take them. I admit it.

-There you go!

-But not for months.

I felt so guilty, sitting at home looking at them,

knowing they were stolen.

So I thought I'd return them, bit by bit.

That was the last lot.

She could be telling the truth.

-I am!

-You said yourself you hadn't sold that line for a while.

When did you take that one, Alice?

Erm, I'm not sure.

Does it really matter when? It's theft and she's admitted it.

Yes. Is there anyone you'd like me to call?

There's a husband. She said she had to get back to him.

Is that right?

-No.

-You can't believe a word she says!

He's away. Visiting friends.

Is he? Anyone else? A son or daughter?

We were never blessed with children.

And this is the last lot?

Yes.

There are no more stolen goods in your house?

No.

Good. Then you won't mind me taking a look around.

Finally. I'd thought you'd done a runner.

I nearly did.

Sort of thing I used to do if a blind date wasn't working out.

I'd always chose somewhere with a back door.

This isn't a blind date though, is it?

Look, I've clearly misread things. I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Perhaps we should just pretend that Friday never happened.

But it did happen, didn't it?

Yeah. I'm sorry.

I'm not. I just needed a few minutes to...think.

I'm not going to pretend I'm not scared, because I am.

So am I.

Is everything OK?

Yes.

Look, I'm not very hungry.

-Would you mind if we just got the bill?

-Of course.

Shall we go back to mine?

What we need is someone with a wide range of knowledge.

I'm not sure that Ayesha fits that criteria.

It was her idea, remember.

She's a lovely girl, but she's not exactly Brain of Britain.

She's had a tough time of it recently.

This might help her take her mind off Tyler.

Fair enough. Probably a wise idea to have a backup,

in case Heston can't make it.

Well, maybe I should ask Bethany.

Yeah, thing is...

She's bright, she's a switched-on girl, she'd be good.

Yeah, and she really fancies you.

-No, she doesn't!

-No, mate, she does.

Is this one of your wind-ups?

I was watching her earlier,

picking at your jacket like some kind of demented chimpanzee.

She wants to jump your bones something rotten.

No way.

Five quid says she wants to.

All right.

You know when I said I didn't have any more stolen goods in the house?

Yes.

Are you telling me this is all stolen?

Yes.

Oh!

I bet you've had some of this stuff for years.

Is it all from Bardsley's?

Not all of it.

Where else, then?

Various places. All over Letherbridge.

I'm sorry.

I'm heading to the sandwich shop. Can I get you anything?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

What would you like? They've got baguettes, sandwiches, quiches.

Pasta salads...

I don't know. Surprise me.

All right.

What about me? HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Sorry. Can I get you anything?

Yes, please. I would like a surprise too.

Except, not goat's cheese.

No-one wants that kind of surprise.

Let me give you some money.

It's all right. We can settle it later.

I'm sure you're not going to take advantage of me.

So...are you enjoying your time with us?

Yeah...thanks to Sid.

Is that so?

-He gave me a real telling off last Friday.

-Really?

If you want to make an official complaint about him...

No! I had it coming.

There's not many men who'd stand up to me like he did.

I've obviously got a lot to learn.

And I can't think of a better man to teach me.

Thank you. You've been very kind.

Kinder than I deserve.

Are you sure there's no-one I can call?

There's no-one.

When is your husband coming back?

Gordon?

You said he was out, visiting friends.

Did I?

Yes, you did.

He won't be coming back.

He died.

When?

Three weeks ago. We'd been married for 50 years.

I'm really sorry to hear that, Alice.

Please forgive me but...

did Gordon have anything to do with these thefts?

No.

Are you sure?

Gordon begged me to stop. But I couldn't.

Then, when he died, I thought,

if I put everything back, the guilt would go.

Then finally, I'd be able to sleep at night.

What happens next? Are you going to arrest me?

That all depends on Mr Bardsley.

By the sound of it, he might prosecute.

Will I go to prison?

No, no, that is unlikely.

But this is pre-meditated theft, going back over years,

so you could be in some trouble.

I just want everything put right.

That will go in your favour.

Good.

Good...because there's something I'd like your help with.

That's right. The Mill Health Centre.

I'll be in touch to confirm the players' names.

Thank you.

-Booking the quiz.

-Oh, good. I like quizzes.

I'll be there, cheering you on.

Of course you will.

Lunch.

Amazing. I skipped breakfast

so this is very much what this doctor ordered.

Let's see,

a cheesy jalapeno bacon-stuffed baguette with home-made mayonnaise.

Today's special.

And my treat.

Wow. Thank you.

-Wow.

-Cheese and pickle. £3, please.

OK.

It's not goat's cheese.

-Three, yeah?

-Yeah. Thank you.

I've been thinking more about Laura-Jane.

The little girl with the rash.

There's a few questions I wanted to ask you,

if you've got any free time today.

Erm, actually, I'm a bit stacked this afternoon.

I've got afternoon surgery, form-filling, couple of house calls.

-Oh, can I come with you?

-Don't think it's appropriate...

-Tonight then.

-Tonight?

Yeah. After work. Over a drink, maybe?

Erm, I'll have to check my diary first, you know.

Mmm. Argentinean. Nice.

-Yes.

-Have you been?

No.

This is ridiculous!

This is like one of those blind dates you were talking about.

Planning on running away?

No.

Right.

Why don't we take these...upstairs?

How was your baguette?

Mm. Delicious, thank you.

Al, how was your sandwich?

It filled a gap.

Also left a gap.

Bethany, why don't you crack out those cakes you brought in earlier?

Right.

-What?

-Pay up.

-Yeah, you're right.

Too easy, man!

-What am I going to do, Al?

-You've got to nip it in the bud.

Tell her you're not interested because she is 18!

I know but I don't want to upset her, do I?

-Then tell her you're gay.

-But I'm not!

Trust me, she'll believe you.

Saved by the cakes! They smell good.

So colourful. Wow!

-Thank you.

-Did you check your diary yet?

I haven't had a chance...

Because I was thinking, rather than just a drink,

maybe we could go for dinner?

I know a really nice Italian.

I'd pay my own way, of course. I wouldn't expect you to treat me.

Unless you wanted to!

Erm... Actually, I've just remembered.

I said I'd help my mate with something tonight.

Oh. OK.

Al, you know that case we were discussing?

What case?

The patient. You know, the one with the...thing.

I'm eating cake, mate. Delicious, by the way.

-Thank you.

-Al, it's urgent.

Can I come too?

Sorry. It's confidential, so...

Is that my Eileen?

Do you recognise this, sir?

Yes. It's mine. It disappeared from my garden, must be ten years ago.

I thought it had been stolen.

It was me. I took it.

Is this some sort of joke?

I want you to have it back. I'm very sorry.

You knew how upset I was when she went missing.

-We talked about it.

-Yes.

You had her all that time and you never said a thing?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you, Alice.

It's just, I can't believe you'd do such a thing.

-That's if she did.

-Of course it was me.

Well, Eileen is pretty heavy.

I was stronger then.

You must have been.

What can you tell me about Mr Lawson?

I've been trying to look after Alice, since he died.

She relied on him a lot.

Did you know him well?

Not a lot. He kept himself to himself.

He was a quite difficult man.

In what way?

I'm sure he had his good points.

But?

He could be abrasive and confrontational.

I stayed out of his way, to be honest.

You see, I'm struggling to make sense out of all of this.

I don't think you could have carried this statue.

And as for the other stuff, I don't think you took those either.

There's other stuff? Alice?

I did take them.

Are you absolutely certain that you are not covering for Gordon?

I'd be far more inclined to believe it of him.

A nasty piece of work, if truth be told.

Alice, did Gordon take this statue?

Yeah.

What about the other stuff, did he take that as well? Did he?

Oh, wait a minute...

She missed a bit.

-That's not funny, Al.

-It's hilarious.

Mate, you have to stop running away from her.

What am I going to do then?

You are going to be a professional.

Tell her, in a very plain and simple way,

that you like and respect her, but it would be deeply inappropriate

for there to be any form of intimate relationship between you.

That's good. Professional.

-I like that.

-But?

If I say that,

it implies there was something between us in the first place.

As far as she's concerned, there is.

I should have just nipped it in the bud.

Never allowed it to develop.

Dude, it's been like half a day!

What if you're wrong? What if you just misread the signs?

What's to misread?

Maybe it would be better if she just left.

Maybe I should have a word with Mrs Tembe.

That'll be one way out of it.

But what kind of message would that send out? She's young.

Inexperienced. She might be crushed and never follow her destiny.

And what would Dr Jayratnum say about that?

Dr who now?

My family doctor when I was a kid.

She saved my life. Inspired me to follow my calling.

Maybe I could be the same for Bethany.

There you go. There's your solution.

Ask yourself, what would Dr J do?

I don't know.

So Gordon was responsible for all of this?

I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen.

I even threatened to go to the police.

Why didn't you?

He was my husband. And he wasn't a bad man.

Well, not at first, anyway.

He had his moments.

Threatened to beat me up once for mowing my lawn too early.

He was worse when he'd had a drink.

I used to hear him shouting at you. Terrible things.

I should have done something.

No. It would have made him worse.

Did he ever try and sell on any of the things he stole?

Never. He was like a magpie.

He saw something he liked, took it, then never looked at it again.

I was terrified he'd get caught. Then, when he died,

I thought I could return it all.

I just wanted it gone.

Am I still in trouble?

I don't think so. But I will ask you a few more questions.

Just to establish exactly what happened.

What about Mr Bardsley?

You leave him to me.

I certainly won't be taking this any further.

It's not as if you were responsible.

I'd rather none of this came out.

Gordon would have been so angry.

With all respect, Gordon isn't here.

There is no need to be scared of him any more.

Yes. Yes, you're right.

SHE SIGHS

Still having doubts?

What do you think?

This isn't wrong, is it?

Right now, it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

If we have more cover...

Yeah, I'd have to break my back cooking for even more

Philistines who wouldn't appreciate good food if it fell in their lap.

Hey.

Valentine's just sometimes makes me feel physically sick!

No wonder I'm depressed.

What's it say?

"Still waiting?"