Should I Stay or Should I Go Doctors

-Can I just say...?

-Emma...

I hate these suits. I mean, look at them!

They haven't even got a waist - I look like Michelin Man.

-All right, you need to focus.

-What? Oh, yeah, OK...focus...

EMMA CLEARS HER THROAT Right...

Footprint is...facing towards the body.

-You go that way.

-OK...

-Aargh!

-Sorry... I'm sorry!

I'm sorry.

Let's take a break.

The guy's officious, he's bumptious. He's full of himself.

-Who is?

-Anthony!

-Haven't you been listening to a word I've been saying?

-No!

I've been focusing on this, like you should be.

Good morning.

I'm Grant Hodges,

and I'm leading this forensics awareness course.

The idea is...

and this is right out of the manual...

to become aware of the evidential value of forensic exhibits,

preservation and contamination,

specialist roles in recovering and analysing forensic evidence...

and different recovery techniques.

By the end, you'll know all you need to know

to work as an FME on the crime scene.

We're lucky to have Dave...

He'll be playing the body

in several of the scenarios we're enacting today.

Before we get started, let's refresh ourselves on some of the basics.

A...B...C...

who can tell me...?

Erm...

Assume nothing,

believe no-one,

and challenge everything.

Excellent.

And APC?

Erm...assess, preserve, communicate.

-That's right.

-Yeah. So, assess...

is the crime scene safe to investigate,

does anybody need, erm, medical assistance,

and is there any risk to anyone?

And preserve?

You're keen.

-Can someone else answer?

-Erm...

Preserve the crime scene,

protect the evidence, and minimise contamination of the evidence.

Spot on.

And communication...

..is pretty self-explanatory.

So...

let's go on to the duties of the first officer on the scene...

You're being a bit head girl, aren't you?

This isn't school, you know, it's a professional qualification.

Trials, investigations - we're supposed to know our stuff.

All right...head girl.

Shut up!

Of course there's a dress code.

Anyone who turns up in jeans...or trainers...will be dealt with.

Dealt with?

Well, not allowed over the threshold.

If you don't know me well enough to know that I have standards,

then you have no business being there.

Obviously.

So, how are the...preparations coming along?

Well, I've got the caterers coming, and waiters, of course,

cases of champagne being delivered,

and some desserts from the best patisserie -

I should follow that up. I'm not sure if everything's going to be ready.

If I give you a list,

could you call round to check for me?

I'd love to.

That'd be a great help, Valerie. Thanks.

If anyone asks, you could just say that you're my PA.

Do you want us to call round all the guests,

-make sure they're coming?

-Oh, there's no need,

that's absolutely fine. I've got it all in hand.

Oh, how some people live!

Can't wait to see it.

Sounds like heaven...

Now, just be professional.

Go in remembering your ABCs...

And your APCs!

..and the common approach path.

What's the thinking?

A path through the crime scene,

avoiding the path taken by the killer.

Suspected killer.

Reach a conclusion.

Does the evidence and your instinct point to a suspicious death,

and are you entering a probable scene of crime?

Enjoy yourselves.

Nobody died!

The body has no pulse and is cold to the touch.

-Ready?

-Head girl is always ready.

Oh! I'm sorry!

I've forgotten to stick to the approach path.

Can we start again?

No problem. Come back and we'll reset.

I'm sorry.

-Are you going tomorrow night?

-No.

I'd like to but...

I feel bad going when Heston's stuck at home recuperating.

What time's the home visit?

20 minutes, so, as long as the traffic's OK, I'll be fine.

Are you going?

Don't know. If Emma goes, probably.

Wouldn't it be funny if no-one showed up?

Could you imagine Zara's face?

Erm, no, cos that would be wrong.

-I'm only thinking about it.

-Yeah, good.

Besides, it's free food and drink - people will go.

Right, I've got a baby to meet.

Have you got a minute?

-Pronounce dead?

-Yeah.

Anything suspicious?

-Fingernails?

-Mmm-hmm.

Erm...signs of a fight, what appears to be blood underneath

the fingernails, so... We would believe this is a suspicious death.

Good.

You're right.

But...

You both did well...

-identifying and avoiding the path taken by the killer through the room...

-So, why the "but"?

You thought, because you'd reached a conclusion,

you were safe and lowered your guard.

When leaving the scene, you contaminated what might be

a vital piece of forensic evidence.

Yeah, well, the scenario was over -

I mean, it's not like this is for real.

It's time you acted like it is.

Excellent work, Jimmi.

Heston sends his apologies.

What about Ruhma?

Well, I expect she'll feel bad leaving him to come to a party,

which I understand.

Of course.

Anyone confirmed yet?

Only Karen and Valerie.

And my friends.

Oh.

Don't worry, it might just be you, your golf buddies

and a load of fabulous women.

PHONE BEEPS

Talk of the devil!

Excellent work.

Very, very thorough.

Just a couple of things...

Are you going to this party tomorrow night?

I suppose I'm going to have to go.

I mean, you know what Daniel and Zara are like.

It'll be the Spanish Inquisition for anybody who doesn't show up,

unless they've got at least two notes from two doctors.

Oh, well, you scratch my back...

Oh. Deal.

Now, put all that stuff out your mind and focus on this, otherwise you'll keep tripping up.

Touche...

-That was Gill - she cancelled!

-Oh.

Some nonsense about...

OK, what does it matter? It's probably best that it's Gill.

She's hard work at the best of times, and who wants to sit around listening to her

getting drunk and talking about her divorce all evening?

-It's good that you're...

-We can have a good time without her.

-Now, which of the other staff haven't answered?

-Jimmi, Al, and Emma.

I really can't overstate how important it is that we do not

contaminate the environment.

Remember Locard's Law. Every contact leaves a trace.

That applies to us, as well as criminals.

Clearly it's going to be impossible to interact

with the crime scene and leave no trace, but our job...

is to always be conscious of this

and leave as little trace as possible.

EMMA'S PHONE RINGS

I did ask for all phones to be switched off.

I-I'm switching it off!

Right...

on to the next crime scene.

Could I have a word, please, Jimmi?

ZARA SIGHS

What did Emma say?

That wasn't Emma. That was Jennifer.

Now she's cancelled.

Aargh!

OK, OK, everything will be...

She's had some deadline dumped on her.

She wishes us all the best and

she's sure the party's going to be fabulous. Of course it's going to be fabulous without her,

but it won't be fabulous with no guests at all!

Enjoying it?

Yeah, of course. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.

Good.

You've done well today.

Thing is...

some of our best people are part-timers,

juggling police with NHS work,

but...

we also need full-timers with no other commitments.

Now, there are...opportunities and scope for some managerial input.

Are you suggesting I become a full-time FME?

If you're up for it...yes.

Well, I'm flattered, obviously, but...

I'm a partner at a large GP practice.

I'm not hearing "no".

Look...I understand your GP work pays more...

You became a Police Surgeon because it's not just about the money.

I'd like to think about it.

Take all the time you need.

-What was that about?

-Nothing.

I will speak to Sid, Ayesha, Al, and turn on the charm.

-Charm?

-Yes, just to make sure they come.

And Heston won't begrudge Ruhma one night out, surely?

It's not as if they're joined at the hip.

I have ways of making you come to my party.

Do you understand?

Good.

So...

repeat after me,

"I will...

have fun...

at Zara and Daniel's party."

I will...

have fun...

at Zara and Daniel's...

Daniel's...

Daniel's...

Daniel's...

Daniel...

Daniel!

Yeah.

Am I boring you?

Erm, no... Erm, listen - why don't I talk to them?

What, you think I can't be charming?

Emma, just relax.

He's got it in for me now.

No, he hasn't.

Oh, and he told you that, did he,

when you were having your private little conference earlier, about nothing?

He was commenting on some of my police surgeon work.

You weren't even mentioned.

He was...being very nice.

Yes, well, if he was being nice,

of course I wasn't mentioned.

You...

You weren't mentioned! W-Why would I lie about that?

Are you two...ready?

-Yup!

-Yeah.

No pulse.

Body is cold, clammy to the touch.

Right, erm...

no pulse...

..no obvious signs of respiration.

So, a death, erm...

..cause - to be determined.

Going by the amount of blood visible, exsanguination's a probable cause.

What you're looking at are lacerations on the wrist.

These are the only lacerations.

Right,

OK, so, erm...

..the wound looks self-inflicted.

A possible suicide?

But the victim...

wears a watch on his left hand,

which would suggest that he's right-handed.

And, if that's the case,

then the wounds were inflicted with his left hand,

but, there's no...obvious sign of any...sharp object

that would have caused the injuries.

-ATCHOO!

-Oh...!

Just ignore that and carry on, please.

Hay fever?

EMMA LAUGHS

-Focus.

-Sorry.

Can you focus?!

EMMA CARRIES ON GIGGLING

Stop!

I think we need to have a word.

Well, I really don't see why I should take the blame.

I mean, It's not like a cadaver's going to...

jump up and scare the bejesus out of me in the real world, is it?

You have to be prepared for anything.

Expect the unexpected.

ETU?

What?

-Another of your glib little...

-Anyway, erm, our hypothesis?

Was correct.

The death appears not to be suspicious,

and if this was the real world,

your contamination of the evidence wouldn't matter,

this time.

You don't think I'm up to this, do you?

Some people adapt more quickly than others,

but I do know you have a lot to learn about this job.

Right, so...

are you going to fail me?

You need to grasp what the stakes are.

I'm not some newbie, you know.

I've been a police surgeon for years!

Then show it.

Look...what happened was an accident,

so, maybe if we could try it again?

I'll arrange it.

Everyone makes mistakes.

The important thing is to learn from them, and not repeat them.

Pompous prig.

I'm thinking...

that Gill and Jennifer both cancelled

because they can't stand each other.

So you reckon they weren't being straight with you?

Well, they were being polite.

They tolerate each other because they're both so fond of me,

and they can avoid each other in London but not at my party.

I'm going to send them both a text saying it's such a shame

because the other one can't be there.

OK, erm...brilliant.

Unless they both change their minds.

And then they'll both come.

How've you been getting on?

Erm... Yeah, all in hand.

You WILL come to my party,

and you WILL have a good time.

Yes, yes, I will, please...

Please, please...just stop.

No...no more prosecco!

Hi...Zara, can I have a word?

Can't it wait?

I don't know. Is this...is this important?

I'm just picking Zara's brains on breast-feeding.

Oh...

OK, fine. I can wait.

Maybe he's right.

I mean, not about the... crime scene stuff, but about the...

exams, qualifications...I mean,

you know what, I could not be less interested in all that stress.

You're a medical professional. You have to deal with

people's lives, and high stakes and stress every day.

Don't start being sensible on me.

Give me your wrist.

What?

Ow!

Sharp pain like that should chase away all the distractions, get you thinking about

-what you should be thinking about.

-You think I'm going to do that to myself, do you?

Every now and again, just...

give it a little twang...

take a second.

Give it a go.

Goodness' sake...

What can I do for you, Daniel?

Well, I was just wondering if you were able to come tomorrow night?

I'd love to, but Trish has me locked into a prior arrangement.

Well, that's... that's a pity.

I mean, if there were any way you could get out of that...

I'd be really pleased and you've no idea how happy it would make Zara.

If there was any way I could come, I would, but

this one's a three-line whip, I'm afraid.

Ah, Daniel! I'm ever so glad I've caught you.

Immie's coming home tomorrow night and we...

well, me and Rob are going to have to cancel.

No! No, bring her with you!

No, I'd love to, but she's home so rarely and Rob's made this rule

that, whenever she's there, everything else gets cancelled. I'm sorry.

I understand.

Do you want me to tell Zara?

No...no, no. I'll...I'll do that.

-OK.

-Yeah, OK. And...

-Sorry.

-OK...OK...

OK...

Hey guys, just double checking...

trying to keep on top of numbers, make sure we've got enough for everyone...

Are you coming tomorrow night?

No...we can't. Sorry.

Can't persuade you?

It's just I was talking to Zara, and we were saying how important

we think it is to get as many of the team there as possible.

Yeah...I guess...

Zara would be thrilled if you made the effort.

-You know...for the team?

-Well, I...

but, erm...I can't...

What's so important that you can't reschedule?

What, are you having life-threatening surgery?

No, but...

You will be when Zara finds out you're not going.

That's a joke.

Sorry, Daniel, we wish we could, but you didn't exactly give us

much notice and...we've got something we can't get out of.

So, in crime scene two, our assessment is that the crime scene

should be regarded as suspicious.

Our hypothesis is that the body was not moved,

but it still remains the primary crime scene.

In crime scene four,

however, our assessment was that the scene was also suspicious,

but, this time, it is possible that the body had been moved...

there were small drops of blood by the door

and the pattern of the footprints smudging these

suggested that they had been trod on by a suspect going in,

presumably with the body,

then leaving after placing the body at the scene.

Well?

Tiny thing -

we shouldn't offer an opinion of the causation of the footprints.

But apart from that...

well...sometimes I see people here who just have a

natural talent for this...

which is great...

but...what's often more gratifying, is seeing someone who...

you know...struggles with it at first,

but they listen, they learn, and they show they can do the job.

The assessments of those crime scenes

are spot on -

thorough and professional.

Well done.

So, we've passed?

This part of the course?

Absolutely, you pass.

Take a seat, we'll go on to the next group.

Don't look at it as...as pressure.

-Look at it...that we want you there.

-Look, Daniel...

I hate parties, OK?

I hate the fake bonhomie of having to talk to people I can only just stand when they're sober.

I hate cold, shrivelled-up canapes...

Zara's not going to serve up cold, shrivelled canapes.

Fair enough, good point. I'll give you that -

your canapes will be top notch, but you answer me this...

would you be attending this party if you didn't absolutely have to?

Yes, I would... Yes, I would!

And, look, I know you've been to parties before, so come on.

Yeah, but the hosts always bribed me before.

OK, erm...

we've got a cask of real ale.

-What kind?

-I don't know, erm...

Sounded something like, erm...

Old Scrotum, I think.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Yes?

-We've got a problem...

I've spoken to Anthony, Karen, Sid, Ayesha and Al...

and none of them can make it tomorrow.

And Valerie just looked in - she can't make it either!

What have you done?

-Sorry?

-All of these people cancelling. It can't be a coincidence.

One of us must have offended them

and I know that I haven't offended anyone...

recently.

-Really? So, it's me that's offended your friends too, is it?

-Don't change the subject.

You were supposed to do one thing.

-It's all in hand.

-No, it's not in hand. This is now officially a crisis!

Our new neighbours will think we haven't got any friends.

They'll think the pariahs have moved in next door. This is so humiliating!

I'll go, then.

ZARA SIGHS

PHONE RINGS

Erm, hello?

Mrs Tembe!

Hi...

..Zara!

Wha...Dr Carmichael?

How are things going at...

erm...

-Kings Green?

-Oh, yes...well...

It is all very good.

Wonderful.

Look, I'll just cut to the chase...

Daniel and I are throwing a party tomorrow night,

at our new house...nothing spectacular, just a small affair,

and I know that it's very short notice, but...

I've...

missed you, around the place...

and so has Daniel,

and we would really...love for...

you to come...to the party?

Well, erm...

Well, I would very much like to come.

Oh, excellent.

OK then, well, could you please give Karen a call,

and she'll give you all the details, cos I've got to go - I've got a

patient coming. It'll be SO lovely to see you tomorrow.

I think head girl needs to buy teacher's pet a couple of drinks.

One to say sorry and the other one for bailing her out.

Well, I'm wiped out. And we've got the cars, so...

Oh, well, that's true.

Last thing we need is to get nicked for drink-driving.

I mean, who'd take the blood samples?

Jimmi...

Look...I...

I know that you've wanted to talk to me about Anthony.

The truth is...

he doesn't bother me like he bothers you, so...

..I don't really know what you want me to say.

Yeah, I'm not sure either.

Well, no, actually I wanted you to agree with me.

I wanted you to say that we could find a way to get rid of him, but

I know you can't lie, so...

I'm going to be straight with you...

it's clear that you haven't been happy for a long time.

I don't know. Maybe it's time that you moved on, you know?

Found a new challenge,

not that I want you to!

-Are you trying to cheer me up?

-EMMA LAUGHS

Here...

I think your need is greater than mine.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.

I think you're being cruel.

Well, then let's just say something...

No, let them stew. It'll be a surprise.

Goodnight.

Maybe we should postpone. Ayesha could be right, you know?

It's short notice.

Postpone? We can't possibly do that, it'll be so humiliating.

We're going to have to cancel.

We'll have to tell them...

tell them that your mother died!

What?!

Zara, Daniel...

This...

was a wind up,

that's gone too far.

The idea was that we'd surprise you by turning up.

Whose idea was that?

Well, it was everyone's, really. We wouldn't have missed it.

Well, well done. You...

you had us.

And we'll see you all tomorrow.

To be honest, I knew that it was all just a jape.

Although, how they got Gill and Jennifer on board, I've no idea.

It will be...

like that tenth circle of hell that Dante was too frightened to describe.

He'd had people dipped in excrement,

whipped for all eternity,

but even Dante drew the line

at a Zara Carmichael dinner party.

Beware, all ye who enter there!

I ain't going.

What you said earlier,

about me being a good fit with the police...

were you serious?

Absolutely.

I've got a pretty good idea you walked Dr Reid

through the course...

..which reinforces what I said.

Yeah, I'm up for it.

Great.

You understand, this would

involve leaving your practice?

Mmm...

Yeah, thinking about it, erm...

the way things are at The Mill...

..maybe it'll be the best for everyone.

-Are you happy?

-I will be...

once my friends explode with envy at my perfect life.

Sweetheart, what time are your friends arriving?

So, you are having other guests - I was beginning to wonder...

How's it all going, Julian?

"Chef".

Did you not get the message about smart attire?!

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

-Zara, it doesn't matter.

No, no! This is important!