Coats and Alms Doctors

Why won't it load?

Here's to not getting spat at today.

Ew! Why is there no Al update today?

He'll have not been able to charge his phone.

Yeah, but what if something's up?

I'm sure he's fine. Could be.

That poor lad in the canal was doing a video diary.

See? He was a reporter.

His editor called the filth, no offence.

When his video log didn't get uploaded, they tried to contact him.

Straight to voicemail. I'm phoning Al.

Really, I'm sure he's fine.

Yeah, but you don't know that!

ANSWERPHONE: I'm sorry, but the...

Straight to answerphone! See, Karen, you can't know that.

I kind of do.

BOTH: Karen? Oh, no!

All right, all right!

There was...well, there was some sort of to-do

and he's lost his boots and his dosh.

And his phone was as flat as a fart.

But, look, you know, his coat's thick,

he's got a new warm hat and spare pumps.

I mean, the tread's not great, but they'll do. Oh!

Trust me, Al is fine. Oh!

MAN SOBS

DI Addison, please.

It's going to be OK!

RAIN PELTS

AL GROANS

CATTLE LOW

Whoop! Whoa-whoa!

Er...I've known him for about six years.

Until recently, he was living with his sister in a stable home.

But now he's homeless? Yeah.

And a schizophrenic off his meds?

Yeah, but I don't know how long for.

He's never had a history of violence in all the time I've known him.

Bit of self-harming maybe, but nothing else.

You don't want to write this down? I get the gist.

He's not a killer. Is that your medical opinion, is it, Doc?

Yes, it is. Lovely!

We'll take our schizo off his meds into the station for a nice chat.

And we'll ask him what he was doing down by the canal stabbing some bloke the other night.

He won't be fit to be interviewed.

Aren't you supposed to be in court today? I can rearrange that.

He needs someone with him. A solicitor or an appropriate adult.

And there will be. But not you, eh?

Cam, I'm really sorry, OK?

I promise, everything's going to be OK.

OK? That's a bit of a stretch.

Why didn't you identify this guy last night?

You'd seen him on the CCTV as clear as day.

I...I wasn't really sure it was him. I couldn't, er...

I didn't really make the connection until I saw him this morning.

Yeah, right(!)

Hi, it's Dr Clay. Listen, who's the FME on duty today?

Am I dead?

I don't think so.

Come on, I'm stronger than I look.

AL GROANS

Oh! Countryside's a mess.

You've got cowpats everywhere

and some lady vicar appears out of nowhere.

I prefer "Vicar". And it's not the middle of nowhere.

The vicarage is just across the field. Great.

Um...do you have a car?

I'm being ecological.

Check on an elderly parishioner, get some fresh air, save diesel,

win, win, win.

Help a fallen stranger, win again.

Aw! Goddamn it!

Sorry, no offence, just plain damn it.

Lean, lean. Keep your weight off it. Broad shoulders, me.

I'm Kirsty House. Reverend Kirsty House.

The House of God.

SHE CHUCKLES

Hi.

Um...Ms Amin?

Yeah. Are you, um...?

Her mate, Dave. I look after her.

Right. Does she listen to you, Dave?

Shaz? Only if it suits her.

Ah, right, I know that one.

She's told you what's been going on?

Um...

I understand why she's frightened. Trust me on that one.

She's safe with me.

Listen, um...can I be honest

about what'll be the best way forward?

I know what she needs.

I'm sure you feel you can look after her and keep her safe...

Because I can.

OK. Um...simply on a practical, medical level, er...

Appendicitis, it's a big procedure,

even if she wasn't seven months pregnant.

I'm not an idiot.

She's going to need a lot of ongoing care.

I'm sure you have the best of intentions, Dave...

Listen...Ruhma, don't make assumptions about me, right?

Or her.

Look, you're homeless...

You are, aren't you?

Shaz needs a roof over her head.

Yeah? And she can take steps to get one.

The right hostel, housing benefit. She doesn't want any of that.

Look, she has to make a start. Get her own place.

If she could stand on her own two feet, you know, if you...

If you weren't around, looking out for her...

Tough love. I know it sounds silly, but...

If you could leave her to get on with it...

You're saying me looking after Shaz isn't looking after her at all?

I'm saying that you've done your best, Dave.

And it's hard.

But please...

please try and do the right thing.

HE SIGHS

PHONE VIBRATES

Just brought him in. Stabbed some kid by the cut the other night.

Bit of a schizo, by all accounts. So I need you to deem him fit.

Yeah, sure.

Any sign of him being off his head makes things untidy, if you know what I mean?

I know exactly what you mean, Inspector.

And yet I will make my report

and give my advice to the custody sergeant.

Is there anything else?

Hello.

Cam, is it? Cam, I'm Dr Emma Reid

and it's my job to make sure that you're fit for interview.

So, would you like to take a seat? Ta.

Right. How are you feeling?

Er...all right. It's been a bit of a shock, all this.

Yes, I'm sure.

Right, now, before the police can interview you,

I need to check you're OK physically and mentally.

'Don't trust her!'

OK. So, have you any physical injuries?

And do you have any mental health conditions...?

'Here we go. Don't blow it!''

Yeah. I...I got schizophrenia. Right.

And how long ago were you diagnosed, do you remember?

I was in my thirties, so, er... Um...

Shall we say 20 years ago?

And what about medications?

On it and off it and on and on.

It took ages to find summat that worked, but then it made me muggy and...and spaced

and, er...er...dizzy sometimes.

'He's rambling.' 'She can tell!' 'Don't ramble!'

Unfortunately, that can be the side effects.

So I came off them and it's been better.

Can I ask you, your schizophrenia, how does it manifest itself?

Er...do you hear voices at all?

No. 'Liar!'

Nothing like that. Er...all calm. Um...

Are you happy to be interviewed by the police and to give a statement?

Good. Right, well, you stay there and I'll let the inspector know.

'Did he do it? Did she believe us?'

KNOCK AT DOOR

Oh, it's you. How you feeling?

This is all good. You're looking better.

Listen, um...I've looked into sheltered accommodation and...

You can't help yourself, can you?

I've managed to wrangle you a place at St Agnes.

I don't need anywhere! When Dave comes, we're going...

He won't be coming.

What?!

He realises he's not what you need right now.

He wouldn't just leave me.

Try not to upset yourself. You've had a major operation.

What have you said to him? What have you done?!

Don't be angry with him. I'm not!

I'm not angry with him, it's you! You, you interfering cow!

I saw you last time, on the phone, talking to my family.

What? Your family? Why would...?

Is that why you took off?

How would I even get their number?

Get out! Listen... No!

You think you know everything, but you don't know anything. Get lost!

I just... I'm trying to keep you healthy and safe.

The only time I feel safe is when I'm with Dave!

What about your baby? Shut up!

All you've done since I've been in this skanky place is stuff things up for me!

You and your big mouth! Now, for the last time, get out and stay out!

SHE HYPERVENTILATES

'Come on!' Are you going to answer the question? 'Can't remember!'

Who are all these people? I've told you!

Now, I'm going to ask you again.

Did you stab Tommy Mbesi by the canal? No.

Where did all the blood come from, eh?

All over you!

It's Tommy's blood, isn't it? Yeah, but...

We've got you on CCTV. We can see you stabbing him!

No, that's not right! 'Maybe it is.'

'Course it is!

You're done. Cam's caught on camera!

Now, just tell us that you stabbed him and all this will be over. No!

'Give up. Just agree with him!' 'Maybe it'll be easier.' Do it!'

Shush! What was that? Nothing! Why did you kill him, Cam?

'Tell him! Get it over with!' 'He knows, he knows!' Quiet!

Eh? 'Do it! Get it over with!' 'He knows, he knows!'

QUIET! I can't do this with you going on at me!

I am trying to tell him!

No, it is not too late! You said you'd shut up and let me speak!

Suspect clearly not mentally fit! No, no, I-I-I am fit!

Interview suspended at 12:16. NO! Get the doctor!

Tobias, take him back to the cell!

Complete waste of time!

PHONE RINGS

Reverend House speaking.

Oh, right, yes.

Um...I'd definitely like to audition.

Yeah.

I'll be there. Thanks.

I would. I am. I can.

Can what? Oh, dear God!

What you auditioning for?

An all-female group in Lichfield.

Oh, cool. Thrash metal, right?

A cappella. At the cathedral.

I was thinking of doing something from the Chants for the Feast of St Ursula.

Yeah, of all the chants, that's definitely the most hummable(!)

It's complete self-indulgence. Where'd I find the time to rehearse?

I'd probably blow it, anyway. I wouldn't even have a shot.

I can't. I'm not. I won't.

Whoa-whoa-whoa! Where did that come from?

This life is a vocation, not a job.

And how is you having a singsong diminishing your vocation?

By being selfish.

By putting myself before others.

Right.

I'm sorry, that...that doesn't make sense.

If you put yourself first all the time, that's being selfish.

But you wanting to, you know, rock out with the holy Spice Girls,

that's not selfishness. It...it's not.

Right, you, that bath. Why are you changing the subject?

I put you a towel and a dressing gown out.

Up the stairs, second door on the right.

I'm not going!

What if I make a fool of myself?

What if you don't make a fool of yourself?

JIMMI ON ANSWERPHONE: Emma, hi. He said something about a Dr Westfall.

I looked him up and he visited Burr House a few weeks ago when Cam was staying there.

Westfall talked to him about the Hearing Voices approach.

Look it up. Its proponent is Marius Romme.

He talks about giving the voices meaning and sense.

Having a stable relationship with them.

It was irresponsible of Westfall to suggest all of this to Cam without proper supervision,

but I think that's what Cam's trying to do.

Emma, I really don't think he's done this.

He wouldn't hurt a fly.

Addison is just looking for an easy fix.

Just do what you can.

And hold his hand. It reassures him.

Call me. Hello, Cam.

Never believe me now. You were right. What was the point?

Are you talking to your voices?

They got you all riled up in there, didn't they?

Sometimes I can get them to shut up, when I'm calm, like,

but that plod kept pushing and pushing.

What's going to happen now?

We've called the mental health team and the duty...

I'll end up in the loony bin and I'll never get out!

No, Cam... I need to tell someone what happened!

I need to sort it out in my head before that lot get here!

Well, why don't you tell me? Hm? I'm happy to listen.

But I'm not a police officer.

That don't matter. 'Does. What use is she?'

She'll listen. Just said so, didn't she? 'What good's that?'

I haven't slept, it's all a muddle and you lot aren't helping! Cam?

You've been working with Dr Westfall, haven't you?

And he's been teaching you about the Hearing Voices technique?

I've been trying it, but can't get this lot to play along.

What do you need them to do? Help. Sometimes they remember things I don't.

'You never listen, blundering about with cloth ears!'

All right!

Cops don't know the story. I got to get it straight.

So if I can tell you, that'll help, see? Yes.

The thing is, I found him there, Tommy.

I'd been...somewhere. Can't remember.

'Cloth ears!' 'Dimwit!' I'm all mixed up!

What's this new development, then? This way, sir.

Suspect's gone full mental on us.

Can't get a thing out of him now. Typical!

Could've had all of this cleared up by tea-time.

Homeless scumbags!

Let's just get this over with.

If you're staying, make yourself useful.

Anything warm enough for rough sleepers over there,

eBay and vintage, that pile,

anything else, leave it here and I'll sort it out later.

Do you think rough sleepers would appreciate Noel Coward's silk kimono?

That was Ric's.

Huh? Who's Ric?

My, um...husband.

He's touring Canada now with a Led Zeppelin tribute band.

With Amelia, his new soul mate.

Ah. So, that ring isn't a marriage-to-JC thing?

Married to Ric, desperately trying to be happy for him.

That's very noble of you.

If he came home tomorrow, I'd forgive him.

I made a vow.

Before I joined the Church, me and Ric were in a tribute band.

Let me guess, Led Zeppelin?

When I told him about the audition, he sent me a link to Aled Jones.

Oh. Ric sounds just great(!)

I think you should sing something with a bit of oomph.

Like a Houston, or a Carey, or a Warwick,

or a...Bette Midler.

Yes. You would make a kickass Midler!

The bish might object to Delores Delargo draped across the organ.

AL CHUCKLES Ah, thank you, Lord,

I didn't know how miserable I was until you sent me this limping lummox.

You know, this is serendipity.

You have to go to that audition.

If you don't, then I would have slipped in a cowpat for nothing.

Why does it even matter to you?

It doesn't, but it matters to you

and you're not being fair to yourself. Fairness?

Yes. Erasmus Darwin was all about the fairness.

You can't be kind to other people if you're not kind to yourself.

Very spiritual. No, it's not spiritual, it's practical.

That's the way the world works.

Shows the balances and a payoff.

Or, as your chum Erasmus had it,

"One universal scene of rapacity and injustice!"

That's impressive, but let's not quote the great man out of context.

It's not going to work. I am not going.

AL SIGHS End of discussion.

Cam? When I was a little girl and I would get confused,

I would hold my mum's hand

and it would always make me feel a bit better.

Me, too!

When the old man was kicking off, me and Ma and JoJo,

we used to hold hands and hide under the kitchen table.

HE SNIFFS

Right, you lot, let's get this straight!

We was going somewhere, I can't remember.

And we met Tommy by the canal.

From the CCTV, we know that Cam Lewis came from the north,

but we don't know where Tommy came from.

Maybe he was night fishing.

Yeah. You head down south this way and you get this.

So? There are smears all the way back down there.

The CSI boys have taken samples. So, you're saying...?

If the samples match, Tommy was bleeding before he met Cam

and must have staggered all the way down here.

If the samples match.

Bent double, he was. We thought he was going to throw up

'But he wasn't.' 'Scarf, idiot!' That's it!

He had his scarf all balled up and clamped to his belly, like!

How the hell did CSI miss this?!

To be fair, the divers weren't called out. Budget cuts, apparently.

It still doesn't make any sense. We saw Lewis stab him!

Poor lad was trying to say something.

'But he couldn't...' Because there was blood coming out his mouth!

And then he took his hand away from his belly, but...

'So much blood.' So I

shoved the scarf back just to cover the hole.

Well, that was it. He couldn't hold himself up no more, poor lad.

So I grabbed him.

I'm not a huggy person and I didn't like Tommy that much.

I didn't know him, really. But the lad was in a bad way.

'Dying.' So I...I gave him a hug.

I held him up.

And then...I felt him go.

No heartbeat no more, no breathing.

I held him as long as I could so he knew he wasn't alone.

But in the end, I had to let him go!

HE SOBS

Do you believe me? Yes, Cam, I do.

'Wonders will never cease.' 'Poor Tommy.'

So, can you tell them? Just tell them I didn't do it?

I can't, I'm sorry. It has to come from you.

'They think we're a total nut job. Sending us to the loony bin.'

But what if it all kicks off again?

I'll come in with you if you want. 'She's lying! Said we weren't fit!'

But we weren't fit for interview.

I think you are now.

Good.

Can I come in? No.

I brought you some dhal and spinach. It's home-made.

It's not hospital food.

Erm... I've heated it up but you don't have to eat it now.

You know. It's nice at room temperature.

I know that.

Listen, about your family... I would never try and contact them.

I would never do anything so stupid.

But you did say something to Dave, though. You can't deny that.

Why don't you try a bit.

The hostel, they said they'll keep a place for you at St Agnes'

as long as you let them know that you want it by tomorrow.

Do I get to be a Catholic?

I like church music and incense.

It's a refuge for women that need protecting.

Stuff your refuge.

I can't be in the system. That's how they'll find me.

I can't do this. I can't.

Shaz, please, just think about the baby.

Please, you've got to trust somebody.

Why don't you just trust me?

Dave!

Come on. Don't be rude to the nurse.

She knows what's best. Don't you?

See! He's the one I can trust. He's my friend.

I am not your enemy, Shaz.

Thing is, you might think you're being Shaz's friend too,

but you know what? Not so much.

I thought you'd given up on me.

Me? Never. I've been sorting us out.

So when they going to boot you out?

Tomorrow, I reckon. And I'm here if you need me.

She won't.

She'll have me and a roof over her head.

That's all I'll need.

She believed us, so that was good. 'Say thank you.'

Thank you, boys.

Now we just need to tell the cop the same thing.

'It's not enough. Still can't remember, can you?'

Where we was before.

'I know! Tell us! No! Ask nicely.'

Please, tell me. If you know something, it's really important.

'An alibi. No! We could get out of here, selfish!'

Hush, please.

You remember better than me, and I'd be so grateful.

'Please. Nun.'

Course! That old nun, giving us soup.

'Mulligatawny.'

And she let us sit in the van. 'It was so cold.

'And told us boring Bible stories, on and on, that's why I remember.'

Then she had to go home,

and then we cut down the canal and then we found poor Tommy!

'Can't just tell him, nun, though.' What was her name?

'No. I don't need her name or it's no good.'

Please, what was her name?

'You kept calling her names, rhyming with Maggie...

'Margaret! Sister Margaret.'

Sister Margaret! That's it.

Mr Lewis. I want a word with you.

I want a word with you too.

I can't find my cocoa.

It's like having a toddler staying over!

Been mooching in the cupboards? Yes.

I couldn't find the cocoa, but I did find...escargot?

Throw them out. They're old. Why would anyone tin a mollusc?

They were Amelia's.

Who's Amelia?

Oh.

Rick's Amelia?

Why was the woman who stole your husband keeping her

snails in your cupboard?

She stayed with us. She'd had a bad time.

She needed somewhere.

It is possible to be too good, you know.

No, it's not.

Really? Is that really how you feel?

Sorry.

What have you got to be sorry about?

Come on.

Hey, it's OK.

Look, in my professional opinion, you are in need of a hug

and I think that I've got one right here in my pocket.

Yeah, there it is. Let me just unfurl it.

Come on.

OK. There we go.

Sister Margaret of the Blessed Virgin.

Scared the hell out of me. Catholic boy, eh?

She was with Cam till ten o'clock sharp,

cos that's when she has to get the van back to the convent.

And uniform have dug up another witness on the main Derby Road.

Shopkeeper closing up saw a man matching Tommy's description

staggering towards the canal.

Thought he was drunk.

When was that? 9:50.

When Cam was with Sister Margaret.

Looks like it. We're still waiting on forensics, of course,

but I haven't got enough to hold him.

They won't give me back my clothes or my coat?

Good coat, that!

It's covered in Tommy's blood, remember, mate? Cold out.

Do you want to stay the night here then?

Don't go far, I'll want to talk to you again.

Have to find me first, won't you?

Here you go, Cam? Have this.

Where'd you get that, then? Don't ask.

It better not be police issue.

This'll do the job. Nice, this.

Have you got somewhere to stay tonight?

Don't worry, I'll find somewhere.

You are my new favourite Doctor Emma now.

I'll see you again. Not him, mind!

Cam. You did a good thing with Tommy. Thanks.

Well done, lads, we did it.

If he's not your suspect, who is?

God knows. Could be anyone.

Muggers, meth heads, some other sad, lonely tramp.

I've had it with all of 'em.

So, it would appear that there are really rather excellent

vicars in the world.

Who knew!

This is Dr A M Haskey, signing off, bless you all!

KNOCK AT THE DOOR

Hello.

Hey.

What is wrong with me?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. Man up, woman.

You withdrew ?2,000 from the joint account?

Yes, I did. I needed cash.

What for?

Erasmus Darwin, are you in today?

I thank the Lord for bringing you into my life.

and seem a saint,

when most I play the devil.

And thus I clothe my naked villainy

and seem a saint,