Living Together Doctors

PHONE VIBRATES

"Fancy a jog, you icon?"

You seen my phone?

It's here!

Have you tried to use this?

Yes, sorry. It looks just like mine.

Have you changed the PIN?

Yeah. The, er, operating system crashed, so...

Again? That's, what, like the fifth time?

I know. I should really...

-Are you OK?

-Mm.

Come on, sit down.

I'll be fine in a minute.

I know I've said this before but why don't you go and see Jimmi?

I don't need a doctor, and besides, he's your friend, I'd feel weird...

We can't keep going round this.

Ever since your mum died, you've not been right at all.

I'm fine. See?

What are you up to today?

Um, off for a run then lunch with a mate...

Who?

You don't know him. Then gym this afternoon.

No job hunting?

Not today. Can't face it.

I'd rather look after my health.

Which is something you should be doing.

What?

You only moved in last week

and it's like you don't want to spend any time with me.

If we lived in each other's pockets

we'd end up hating each other before you know it.

I'll see you tonight.

Good morning, ladies.

Morning.

Ooh, pastries. To what do we owe the calories?

It is a small peace offering.

I realised that, since my return,

I have been micromanaging you somewhat.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

I would.

Well, not any more.

There are big changes afoot

and I want to consult you at every step of the way.

Dress-down Fridays?

A barista for reception?

These are fun suggestions.

Placebo sugar pills instead of antibiotics?

Good morning, Mill Health Centre.

We're giving Mrs Tembe suggestions.

How about an ejector seat for troublesome patients?

Love it.

How about laughter therapy and free hugs?

You're still full of the joys of spring.

Last week transformed my life.

Oh, change the record.

Yeah, you're freaking us out, man.

People are amazing, lest we forget, Sidney.

We should do some more fundraising for Hodgkin's lymphoma.

It's a serious suggestion.

And a good one. But I was thinking...

We should do that. People's capacity for generosity knows no bounds.

For example, I got through the entirety of last week...

On 50p and half a wafer biscuit!

But if you tell the young people of today...

They won't believe you.

Did you have a good weekend, Dr Vere?

Yeah, it was lovely, Mrs Tembe.

I'm going to help your campaign, Valerie. I'm very good with people.

You certainly are.

What about a self-service check-in machine.

Genius! That's the best one yet!

Then we can all take early retirement. Nice one, Mrs Tembe.

What's that?

It's the...

the self-service check-in machine.

So I told her again, she has to look after her health.

And she didn't listen, right? That's typical of her.

Hi, is it possible to get an appointment with Dr Clay?

There has been a little resistance to the machine

but I am sure everyone will come around eventually.

Excellent. Right, if there's nothing else, Mrs Tembe...

There is one other little idea.

Now that everything is on the computer, I was wondering what

we should do with this area.

It is not an efficient use of this space.

Neither is a full waiting room, Mrs Tembe, so if you don't mind...

I thought that if we got rid of the shelving unit,

knock through the wall and we could create a kind of counter.

So that doctors could sign documents,

and interact with reception staff.

-Get a cup of tea and a bacon butty?

-No.

Or a portion of chips?

I think you misunderstand. It is not that kind of counter.

I'm really sorry, Mrs Tembe, we're only teasing.

So, can we afford it?

Well, yes, we can afford it.

There will be no disruption to the surgery,

we can do it outside of working hours.

Superb. Go to it. It sounds like a great idea.

HORN TOOTS

OK. Ground rules.

Again?

Yeah, cos you weren't listening. Phones down.

Right, I expect you both to get along.

I expect you to be polite to Heston at all times

and respectful of his house and his standards.

I expect you to...

Didn't realise we were moving to a fascist state.

That's very funny. And you carry on talking to me like that

and there's going to be a problem, do you hear? Shakib?

Yeah, whatever.

No, not "whatever". You knock it off and you be polite.

Hello. Welcome to your new home!

I've just put the kettle on.

Why don't we have a nice cup of tea before we start unloading?

-How... How's school?

-Fine.

-Good morning!

-Morning.

Would you like to use our new self-service check-in machine?

It is very simple, just follow the instructions on the screen.

-What are we going to do?

-Sabotage it.

-How?

-Sledgehammer.

The patients are loving it.

So, how is everything here?

Great. Catching up with some paperwork.

-Living the dream.

-Ah!

Both rooms have got new beds,

desks and I'm thinking of getting a couple more TVs.

No need. They watch everything on their laptops anyway. Thank you.

-Whose is whose, then?

-Entirely up to you.

I'm having this one.

You had the big room before.

-You snooze, you lose.

-This one's small, though.

-Too bad.

-Hey...

-Mum, I had the rubbish room before.

-That's cos you're rubbish.

Right! Shak, out. Alia in.

-Why do you get to decide?

-Because.

-You always get your way.

-No, I don't.

Both rooms are just as good.

Hers is bigger!

Remember that one has better Wi-Fi.

I'll take that one, then.

I can get a Wi-Fi repeater if it helps.

-Yeah, cool.

-Fine.

Wonderful. Let me know if there's anything else you need.

Child's play.

This is ridiculous.

Can I help?

It says I don't have an appointment, but I rang and...

It is very simple. Let us go back to the start.

Female...

Then put in your date of birth...

(You do the hokey-cokey...)

It did not recognise your appointment.

Can I not just talk to the receptionist?

Absolutely.

No, let us try again.

Computer says no?

Oh, look, forget it.

I'm here to see Dr Clay. Kate Wilkinson.

Miss Wilkinson. You have just made my day.

Karen, who's next?

Kate!

-Jimmi, hi.

-You here to see me?

-Yeah.

-If that's OK?

-Of course. How is Mike?

He's really well.

In fact, it's him who's been badgering me to come and see you.

OK, um...come on through.

Right, it is working now! Miss...

Too late, I'm afraid. She seems to be more interested in Jimmi.

Teething problems, Mrs Tembe?

So, you've lost weight...

About half a stone.

But your diet hasn't changed.

Night sweats...

I know I'm not menopausal.

And dizzy spells.

Off and on.

I think it's something and nothing.

I would prefer to check.

It could be anxiety, stress, or it could be something physical.

There are some tests I could recommend.

Thyroid function, for one.

I'm run-down, that's all.

Um...

The last time I saw Mike, he told me

what had happened with your mother,

how you'd looked after her through to the end.

She was my mum. Of course I looked after her.

Our bodies can react strangely sometimes to stress.

Everything is caused by something.

Maybe you being with your mother as she passed...

Honestly, I'm just under the weather.

Will you let me buy you lunch as a thank you?

You don't have to thank me. It's my job.

I really want us to be friends, Jimmi.

You mean a lot to Mike and he means a lot to me, so...

We could go to the Icon bar?

You can't make the time?

Er...

No, it's a half day. Let's go.

I thought this could be your room for friends and what-have-you.

-You're seriously cool with me bringing mates round?

-Yeah.

Yeah, it's your responsibility to ensure they behave reasonably, but

yes, this is your home now. You must have friends.

-That's great, thanks.

-What about parties?

Don't push your luck.

And a very nice sound system.

Is it even on?

I thought maybe we could meet like housemates

to iron out any future problems. Does that sound good?

Yeah, sure.

-OK, so...

-Is there any chance I could get a socket nearer to

the mirror in my room? I'll need to dry my hair.

Yeah, I think I've got an extension.

-What? I'm not doing anything!

-Neither am I.

Mm-hm.

So...you and Mike are living together. Is that going well?

No.

Right.

I love him and we're good together. At least...

I think we are. But...

You've known him for years. You know what he's like.

Yeah, always a different girlfriend, always jack the lad.

But since he met you, he's changed.

Maybe.

He walked out of his job for no reason.

What's that about?

Maybe he's rethinking things. Look, he's solid, he's dependable.

He's not a midlife crisis kind of guy. And he's moved in with you, Kate, so...

I don't know why you're asking me instead of him.

You know him really well, I just thought you could...

Mike? Mike!

Jim! Hello, mate.

We were just talking about you.

All good, I hope.

Surprised to see you here, darling.

I always wanted to try this place.

And I took your advice, went to see Jimmi.

That's great. That's great.

You going to join us?

Just for a sec. Yeah, I, um...

I only popped in to use the loo.

I thought you were meeting someone for lunch.

That's right, yeah. Not here, though.

So, what's the diagnosis, Jim?

You know I can't talk about it.

I understand. I'm just pleased she's finally seeing someone.

I've been really worried.

-I keep telling you...

-You're fine, yeah.

And women say we men hate doctors, eh?

Listen, I'd better go.

So soon?

I told you, I'm meeting someone. Run soon, Jim?

-Yeah, I'll give you a call.

-Nice one.

I'll see you at home.

And, er...

listen to what he tells you, won't you?

You see? He's always like that these days.

Distracted, elsewhere.

I think he's seeing someone else.

I saw him with her this morning.

Tall, blonde, willowy...

What?

No, nothing.

It clearly isn't nothing.

I think he was with her just then.

Kate, where are you going?

This is RNIB approved.

I'll just try this...

There is a slight problem.

Let me just guide you over to my colleagues on reception,

they will help you.

Dead?

Yeah... It is just a few teething problems.

Gentlemen, you both know about technology.

Oh, it's frozen.

Maybe you should call the company.

That will necessitate waiting in the queue.

Do you want us to grab you a sandwich or something?

Yes, a sandwich would be nice, thank you.

Or some humble pie.

What do you think?

-That we shouldn't be doing this.

-But he's...

We've no idea what he's doing. This is weird, it's unethical.

It's hardly the behaviour of a mate, is it?

Oh, so it's all blokes together, is it?

That's not what I'm saying.

What's unethical is him lying to me and cheating on me.

Are you OK?

No! I feel awful.

Have you noticed any connection with your symptoms and what you're thinking about Mike?

Oh, so it's all in my mind, is it?

Psychosomatic symptoms are a genuine phenomena.

If you're obsessing, it's putting your body under a lot of stress.

-They're moving. Get down.

-Come on. This is ridiculous.

-See?

-They might just be friends.

Yeah, right, and the rest.

-You're adding two and two and...

-Making four.

Kate, where are you going?

What the hell is going on?

-Kate.

-Jimmi. What are you...?

How can you do this?

Kate...

Let me finish!

How can you stoop so low as to move in with me one day

and then be off with her the next?

This is Julianna.

I don't care what her name is.

She's a complementary health specialist.

We met a few months ago when I...

started getting interested in my health.

She's been helping me out.

Is that what they call it now?

Kate, why don't you just slow down, take a breath?

He's right, Kate. Mike's been very concerned about your health.

He's shared his worries with me

and I've been encouraging him to help you to change your diet.

You're not fooling me with this, you know.

I even asked her to give me homeopathic remedies for you,

but she's too ethical for that.

We met today to come up with a plan to get the two of you together.

You were holding hands.

He was upset.

-Yeah, right!

-Kate,

I'm very flattered that you would be jealous over me,

but we're really not having an affair.

He's not my type, for a start.

And what is your type?

Women.

Very good of you to help.

No problem.

We're not expecting you both to be here every evening.

-It's a good job. We're not going to.

-Shak.

And I don't want to hog your mother.

If you three want to do something together,

that's perfectly fine by me.

Maybe we could all watch a film tonight.

I've only got a few black and white classics -

as you know, I'm not exactly on trend.

We can just stream one on the TV.

Can we do that?

-Course.

-Get with the times!

-I don't think my TV can do that.

-It can. I checked earlier.

I'll show you, if you like.

No, I'll leave it up to you.

Cool.

I'm really sorry, darling. Just feel so stupid.

You mustn't. It was an easy conclusion to jump to.

You shut down the conversation every time I brought up your health.

I didn't know what else to do.

And it's not as if you take good care of yourself, is it?

I eat lots of fruit and veg...

All organic, I hope?

She does now. If there's one thing I've learnt from Julianna, it's

the importance of healthy living, good diet and exercise.

You never listened to me about any of that stuff before,

but then I guess I'm not so pretty.

I've never felt so well in my life.

Thanks to Julianna and her remedies.

You give him homeopathic remedies?

Don't tell me, you're a GP so you automatically disapprove?

No, I've just never seen any evidence to

support any efficacy or benefits.

It's probably just the placebo effect.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with you there.

I'd expect nothing less.

And I'd expect nothing less than ignorance from the medical profession.

Well, show me some empirical evidence and maybe you'll get something different.

But what really gets me is when people come to you for answers instead of medicine.

There is a whole world of knowledge

and understanding that falls outside the medical model, Jimmi.

-Do you even have a medical degree, Julianna?

-Easy, Jim.

I can't believe you've fallen for this.

But you were just telling me that my illness was psychosomatic.

That's different.

How?

If the mind is as powerful a factor in physical health as you say,

then what harm can homeopathy do?

Exactly, Kate. Not to mention years of evidence.

Oh, here we go again. Where is this evidence?

Would you treat ME?

Of course, I'd be delighted.

Kate, don't fall for this.

Mike has told me a lot about your symptoms and the past year

nursing and grieving your mother.

You did?

I think this will help.

Let it dissolve under your tongue.

This is ridiculous.

When should I expect...?

Give it a few hours. You should feel quite a difference.

Which might have more to do with finding out Mike is faithful.

Nothing to do with your pill.

Jim, let it go now, eh?

And I think you owe Julianna an apology.

Let's just agree to disagree, shall we?

TV IS ON

GUNFIRE

WOMEN SCREAM

GUNFIRE AND SCREAMING CONTINUE

Are we going, Mike?

I've said I'll drive Julianna home in a little while.

No worries. Kate, I can give you a lift home.

Thanks, Jimmi.

Well...thank you for the remedy.

I'm just glad I could help, and I'm sorry about all the subterfuge.

-It was very nice to meet you.

-Likewise.

Call me if you ever need any homeopathy advice.

Yeah, I doubt that will ever happen.

See you at home?

Yeah, I suppose so.

If you still want me.

Don't be silly. Of course I do.

Did Mike seem a bit off just then?

Off how?

I don't know, just...distant.

Look, he's apologised. He's just... He's fine.

I'm so stupid. That's it, of course.

I didn't really say sorry. Not properly.

I suppose she's comforting you again, is she?

You...cheating swine!

How can you sit there and lie right to my face?

And you said you were gay, you lying cow!

I said I liked women.

I just didn't say I like men too.

Kate, you don't look well.

I think you need to calm down.

Don't tell me to...!

Kate, there's more to this than you think.

I'm not an idiot, OK, Mike, so don't...don't treat me...

like...

Kate, you've had a shock. Just sit down, breathe gently.

I can't cope with this.

I'm sorry you had to find out like this.

So you two are having an affair, yes?

I wouldn't call it an affair.

Oh, what, it's for the good of his health?

In a way, yes.

You're such a liar. I can't believe I fell for you.

Don't say that, please.

I couldn't face it if I lost you.

You've a funny way of showing it!

Mike, I think you should tell them.

I really don't think this is the time.

I wanted it to be calm and...

Tell us what, Mike? What's worse than this?

I've got...

malignant melanoma.

Late stage.

Terminal.

They gave me six months.

You left your job... you moved in with me...

Is that all because...?

I had to...live differently.

And Julianna has been helping me.

We've been spending a lot of time together and...

One thing led to another.

We never meant to hurt anybody.

Why lie?

And why wasn't I the first to know about your illness?

I didn't want to upset you.

After what happened with your mum.

I'm really sorry, Kate.

I do love you.

You know I do.

It's true. In fact, you're all he talks about.

Not me. Not himself.

You.

And it never occurred to you to come and see me?

That maybe I could help you?

Medicine didn't save Kate's mum.

With Julianna's help, I'm feeling better.

I really believe I can beat this thing.

I've heard enough of this. Come on, Kate. I'll take you home.

No. I'm staying.

He needs me.

Well, that wasn't bad.

It was great, yeah.

Thanks for the film.

My pleasure.

-I'm off to finish unpacking.

-OK.

Well, that went well!

There's always tomorrow.

-You've been absolutely brilliant today.

-You were too.

You know, I think this might work.

LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

-Shak, turn it down!

-What?! Can't hear you!

-I said...!

-MUSIC CONTINUES

Right, what did I say about playing loud music?

I just don't get it. You need to put yourself first for once.

I am doing. I love him and he needs me.

-After what he's done to you?

-He's dying.

Come on, his condition, it doesn't mean...

Jimmi, I appreciate what you're trying to do but...I'm staying.

That's it.

I don't understand. How can you do this?

Share him with another person?

You forget... I know what he's got in store.

I've been through it with Mum.

If these are his last days, then I want to be with him.

And what about her?

If he wants both of us, we'll figure it out.

Come on.

You're staying?

I'm staying.

We can work it out together.

Can't we?

Absolutely.

I owe you both another apology.

The machine is a disaster.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

I would.

I think we should go back to the old tried and tested ways.

I remember Mr Bellamy had exactly the same problem, God rest his soul.

Hello, Mrs Patel!

What's Gujarati for "good evening"?

What's Gujarati for "self-service machine"?

COMPUTER PINGS

Well, I think teething problems

are expected on a machine like this.

I think we should stick with it.

What do you think?

Absolutely. Karen?

Yeah, fine.

Maybe we're worrying about nothing.

No machine could ever replace us, could it?

I know your game.

You think you can waltz in here and do me out of a job.

Well, I'll tell you this -

no jumped-up fruit machine is going to elbow me out.

I'm good at my job and I'm going to keep it and I will fight you

and I will win. Got it?

LOUD BANG

Walker.

You're coming in?

You're joking me?!

HE GRUNTS ANGRILY

MUFFLED

Pippa! Stop...! Pippa! Pippa!

Call her and get her to A&E as soon as possible.