A Cup of Tea and a Biscuit Doctors

Why do you never get dressed before breakfast?

I have the whole house tidy,

and here you are still in your old pyjamas!

Do I need to check the biscuit tin?

I bet you've eaten all the chocolate ones.

Are you ready?

I could drive you back home.

No.

Hangover?

I don't do hangovers.

What then?

Nobody likes me.

I mean, why would they? What is there to like? I'm a...

I don't have any friends.

You've got lots of friends.

I'm completely unlovable.

I love you.

You don't count. And nor does Joe.

What about... And nor does Isobel.

Sometimes, um, you...

What?

Spit it out, Granger! You're intimidating.

It puts people off. I think it stops people getting close. Perhaps...

if you want to have friends, then you should try listening.

But I listen! I listen all the time!

OK, I'm listening.

Right, I'm going to set you a challenge.

I'm going to pick someone, a colleague,

and I want you to make an effort to be their friend.

I want you to be nice to them, today,

and I really want you to listen.

See how they react to you, when you actually seem to care.

And this is an official challenge?

Yeah. With the usual stakes?

Oh, yeah.

All right, you're on. Who's it going to be?

Good morning, Valerie!

How's things?

Things?

Sit yourself down. Why don't I make the coffee.

Or is it tea? Tea.

Well, sit yourself down then.

When was the last time that you and I had a jolly good chinwag?

You and me? Yes, you and me.

What's happening in Valerie Land?

Tell me all about it.

Well... I'm listening. I'm all ears.

Actually, I think I'd better go and check the e-mails,

it's nearly 9 o'clock.

What about your...

..tea?

Thanks for the lift. No problem.

So...how does it feel?

What?

First day, Forensic Medical Examiner?

Well, much the same as the last day as a Police Surgeon,

just a different title! But I'm sure you're much more important now.

Yes, well, of course there is that(!)

DS Atkins, Doctor Reid. I'll see you later. See you later.

So, you're the new boy, are you?

New to Letherbridge.

Dave. Emma.

Right, what have we got?

Michael MacDonald, 73, looks like a heart attack.

Have you called the GP?

Already done that. History of a heart condition.

So, why am I here? GP can't get here till this afternoon.

Just crossing the Ts, dotting the Is.

Right...

..shall we go in? Yes. Of course.

Mrs MacDonald, Doctor Reid.

Hello Mrs MacDonald, I'm Emma.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you, Doctor.

I can't say it was a surprise.

SHE COUGHS

Are you OK?

Nothing that a whiff of oxygen and a few painkillers won't cure.

Can I get you both a cup of tea and a biscuit?

No, thank you. Gosh, it's me who should be asking you that.

The body, Doctor Reid?

Mrs MacDonald, I need to take a look at your husband,

would that be all right? Of course.

You do know he's dead?

Yes. Mrs MacDonald, can you wait elsewhere?

Max?

Find a neighbour, someone to keep an eye on her.

So...what you think?

No obvious sign of life.

So I'm happy to call life extinct.

I can't see anything suspicious.

No obvious signs of any injury.

But the Coroner will probably want to do a postmortem. Right.

Are you single?

Pardon?

It's not a difficult question.

You're either single or you're not.

Yes. And I'm not interested.

Milk, no sugar.

Lovely.

My pleasure.

I know that things haven't been easy for you.

Recently.

And if you ever need someone to talk to...

about anything at all...

Base?

All done?

Yes.

Any issues?

Not with the deceased, no. But I have to tell you, I think

it's really unprofessional of you to ask me if I'm single.

No harm done, eh?

Let's close this one down.

DS Atkins, have you ticked all your boxes, crossed your Ts, or whatever?

You said it was an easy case. Said I shouldn't have called you.

Yes, well that may be. But it's not just about solving the crime, is it?

What about her?

She's vulnerable.

The neighbour has said she'll look in.

Valerie, can you find me a stapler that actually works?

Doctor Carmichael.

Valerie.

Hello, Barry.

How are you?

Um, I am obliged to inform you that, once again, a number

of patients of this establishment have been availing themselves

of parking facilities which do not pertain to the Campus Surgery.

Thanks for letting us know.

We'll certainly do something about that, won't we, Doctor Carmichael?

Of course.

We can't just have patients parking willy-nilly! No.

Well, I'm really pleased to hear that, Doctor Carmichael.

It's much appreciated.

And we appreciate you, Barry. Don't we, Valerie?

We do.

Well, er...

..I'll be on my way.

Goodbye.

Thank you.

I think that went quite well, don't you?

Oh, Zara, his little heart's broken.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Excuse me. Michael MacDonald. You haven't submitted a written opinion yet.

I've been busy. We're all busy.

Michael MacDonald. Soon as.

I thought you were coming over this afternoon?

'I was. I am.'

The temp's here already, so I could come now

but I've got to look at the expenditure files for Anthony

and that's time consuming.

'But if you need to talk...'

Oh, that's very kind.

Oh, right, that's settled. Where are we going for lunch?

Ah, the thing is, Zara's actually buying me lunch.

'She just popped out to get us a spread from the delicatessen.'

I'm sorry, I thought you said Zara's buying you lunch.

I know! She's been very supportive.

Zara?

I'm sure there'll be enough for three if you want to join us?

I wouldn't miss it for the world(!)

Oh, by the way, in two weeks' time, I've arranged a little something.

Oh, yes? Yeah, two nights in Stratford,

tickets to see Cymbeline at the RSC, and a backstage tour.

That is wonderful!

"Thither write, my queen, and with mine eyes,

"I'll drink the words you send though ink be made of gall."

Bravo!

And this looks lovely too!

Yeah, healthy food doesn't have to be uninspiring.

And we need to get you healthy.

I am healthy.

The only reason I'm not going back to work is Anthony.

Right, well, I know far worse NHS managers.

They're snakes in the grass, most of them.

Rise above it, and don't get stressed.

I'm not stressed. Really?

Maybe you should cook a bit more plain, sensible food as well.

Maybe a little less wine.

Maybe we shouldn't be so physical. What(!)

I'm not saying we should abstain completely,

I'm just saying be a bit more careful.

I want you to stick around, Heston Carter.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Oh, no!

What's happened?! Before you go in, can we talk?

Have you written up your case notes from this morning?

You didn't call me out here to check whether I've done my paperwork?

Have you notified the officer in charge?

What? Is it filed? Yes.

Including the bit where I recommended

you should keep an eye on the widow.

Excuse me.

I've invited Karen to join us. I hope that's OK.

Of course. There's plenty to go round.

Thank you. It is lovely.

Both of you, such friends.

Always here for you, Valerie.

Exactly.

Shall I serve?

So, any word from Barry?

Oh, Karen, he came in this morning, didn't he, Zara?

That must have been hard.

Not for me. But for him.

I think he is in the depths of despair.

A blissful future has been snatched away from him.

All his hopes have been dashed.

Is that how you saw it, Zara?

I think that he is still coming to terms with his change of fortune.

You don't think he'd do something stupid? BOTH: No.

So, what bought you over to see us, Karen.

I thought Valerie could do with a friendly face.

I already had a friendly face.

Still, it's very nice to see another one, Karen.

You have got a very friendly face.

Why don't you make yourself useful

and get that husband of yours to check up on Barry?

It's hardly a case for the police.

Well, Rob was his best man.

Perhaps he could gently probe and see how he's taking it.

I think it would give Valerie tremendous peace of mind.

Oh, it would.

Barry.

Rob.

You all right?

Tickedyboo.

Good.

Her husband had just died,

and she treated you like an honoured guest in her house

and you let this happen? The neighbour said she'd look in.

What about family? There is no family.

Well, what about Social Services, then? Or a bereavement service?

Are you going to tell me how to do my job now? Yes, I am.

You did not call me down here

because you needed an FME to sign the body over,

you called me down here because you want me

to edit my notes from this morning.

You want the record to show that there was no reason

to suspect that this might happen. Well, tough!

I warned you.

And you did nothing.

This woman's death, it's on you.

Still here?

I'm going to have a coffee with Valerie.

Poor Valerie! Exactly.

Hiya, love?

Hey, have you had a word with him?

Yes. He's all right.

Barry? Yes.

What did you ask him? If he was all right.

And they let you leave CID?

He's not all right, Rob.

I have to agree.

For once, Karen is talking some sense.

Barry is the biggest puppy-dog known to man,

and he was hopelessly and inexplicably in love with Valerie.

But the important thing is that our dear friend, Valerie,

needs to know if he's coping.

He is. Someone's going to have to speak to him, properly.

Well, I think you should, being as you're Valerie's new BFF.

There is no way on God's Earth that Barry is going to

open his heart to Zara.

No offence, Zara.

None taken. Looks like it's going to have to be you, Karen.

Fine. If a job needs doing...

SHE SIGHS

Have these been processed? Not yet.

I'll need to bag them.

Was there a note?

Yes.

The Complaints Commission are going to be all over this.

The IPCC?

Right now, do you think I care about the IPCC?

Presume I'm allowed some caffeine in my coffee?

All things in moderation. Thank you.

I've been thinking. You're right.

If I had died...

Really! No, no, if I had died,

because I haven't revised my will in quite a while,

you would have got nothing.

Heston! I don't want your money! Stephen would have got everything.

It doesn't matter.

He has a trust fund, he's comfortable.

I want you to be comfortable.

I want you and your kids to be provided for.

We don't need providing for... Ruhma!

You're very precious to me.

I want you to move in here with me.

Now, I can phone my solicitor, we can sort this out this afternoon.

Heston, just stop right there!

I'm sorry if I got a bit heavy with you.

But I thought it was something that we should talk about.

I want to keep you alive.

I don't want to talk about how much profit I'll make once you die!

KNOCKING Yes?

Valerie... Can I have a word?

I was expecting Mr Shareef.

He doesn't mind waiting. He's a very nice man.

OK. Well, just a quick minute then. It's about Barry. Of course it is.

I'm very worried about him.

Well, Rob and Karen, between them,

are attempting to fathom the deep well that is Barry Biglow.

In the meantime, you need to stay strong.

And know that you can rely on the help of your friends.

Oh, yeah, I know I can.

But I do worry sometimes. I do.

I worry that it's all my fault.

Valerie... I wonder if there's something wrong with me

that makes all these bad things happen.

It's not Barry's fault he fell in love with me, is it?

That's me. That's all down to me.

OK, stop it!

You have to just stop blaming yourself.

Oh, I know.

You have to think about Barry.

You have to focus on Barry.

Barry is what matters right now.

I was being selfish, wasn't I?

A tad?

Thank you. It takes a real friend...

KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.

I think you'll find that all my paperwork is up-to-date.

I'm sure.

Was there something else?

I should have seen it.

Yes, well, if you hadn't been so busy hitting on me,

you might have done.

I'm sorry.

Flaming Ada! It's just a cup of tea and a sticky bun!

It might be seen as an inducement.

It's not a bribe. Or a distraction.

You could be distracting me with your sticky bun

while all sorts of nefarious practices take place around the corner.

Barry, shut up, and eat your bun.

Doubtless there's a quid pro quo.

I want you to be honest and truthful

about how you're bearing up.

Rob's report wasn't good enough then?

We're worried about you.

We're all worried about you.

Valerie is worried about you.

Honestly, Karen...

..it wasn't entirely unexpected.

I'm disappointed, of course.

But I have a history of disappointment

dating back to my first school discotheque.

I was pleasantly surprised my relationship with Valerie

lasted as far as the church altar, even if it didn't get beyond it.

Life goes on, Karen.

And Barry Biglow goes on living.

I was distracted.

Not by you.

By...

New job. First call out, it's just a heart attack.

Doesn't reflect very well on me.

What I said to you. I... I know.

This could kill my career.

When they interview you... I won't lie.

The note she left.

"To whom it may concern...

"Whoever you are, I'm sorry you were the one to find me.

"I hope it wasn't too much of a shock.

"Don't be scared.

"And don't be sad.

"He was my everything.

"There's no-one else.

"I don't want to have to wait to see him in heaven.

"I am happy.

"I have filled the kettle.

"If you need something stronger, there's rum in the sideboard.

"Esme MacDonald."

The pills were a mixture of everything.

Prescription drugs,

some of Michael's.

And on top of her lung condition, then...

She'd clearly been stockpiling them for months,

possibly years.

Nothing you could have done would have stopped this.

She just wanted to slip away.

But she didn't slip away.

I saw the vomit.

The look on her face.

She died in agony.

People think you just fall asleep.

It's rarely like that.

It's a wretched way to die.

We could have searched the house, found the pills.

They would have been hidden. It's my job to find things.

Oh!

Oh, God-awful first day!

Look, when they interview me...

I'll make sure they get the full picture.

If that helps.

Thank you.

I'm sorry. You have nothing to apologise for.

I hijacked your lunch plans.

And I talked about death and inheritance.

Oh, let's do lunch again!

And thank you for your dietary recommendation!

Look, your health, let's just deal with that, please.

Everything else can wait.

Me moving in, it's a big thing, for me and the kids.

Not for me. Where I'm standing, life's too short.

See you.

KNOCKING Hello?

I have patients to see, Valerie.

Mrs Petherbridge said she'd give us a minute.

Valerie wanted to be with you when she gets the news. What news?

Karen's spoken to Barry.

OK, one minute.

So, I spoke to Barry... 55 seconds.

All right!

Zara is a very busy lady, Karen.

You can't stretch this out for dramatic effect.

We both need to know how bad Barry's feeling,

but we don't need any extra histrionics from you.

Not now. Not when it's Barry's mental wellbeing that matters.

Isn't that right, Zara?

Barry?

Absolutely fine. No.

Really? Really. He's very philosophical about it.

He says he's hurt, but he'll mend.

Good for Barry.

No. That's not true.

No, I know Barry.

He is hiding the depths of his emotional anguish.

I don't think he is. He is!

He's doing it for me, to protect me,

to stop me from torturing myself with unimaginable guilt.

I think... No, you don't know Barry the way I do!

Oh, I can't bear it.

Poor, poor Barry,

pining for my love.

Drowning in the depths of his sorrow...

OK, honestly, Valerie, stop it!

Barry is probably absolutely fine, he's probably counting

his lucky stars that he doesn't have to listen to you babbling on

in your self-centred fashion, day after day, until death do you part.

He has had a very narrow escape!

How could you?

How could you say that...

..to a cancer survivor?

Out.

I have patients to see.

What?

Just looking forward to my prize. Usual stakes, wasn't it?

It was a ridiculous challenge!

Nobody, but nobody, could be friends with that!

I thought that's what you wanted.

Valerie? Friends. That's what you said.

I... Listen, there's no magic formula, Zara.

You have to work at it.

Anthony Harker, Practice Manager.

Are you aware there are loose paving slabs outside the main entrance?

She's just banging on about her rights,

the struggle for equality, equal access for all. I mean...

Mr Harker, if I were you, I'd stop blaming others

for your Practice's shortcomings and start taking some responsibility

for doing something yourself.

Now on BBC One...

Ooh, where's he off to?

Got to do something about it, you know. I don't...

HE RINGS BELL Don't miss my big new show!

Yeah! Yeah, man!