Not Educating Rita Doctors

What's Alia still doing in the bathroom?!

If she doesn't hurry up, we're going to be late! She won't be long.

What's she even doing?! She just wants to look her best.

What, and I don't? You look fine.

Wow!

Oh. So, she gets, "Wow" and I get, "Fine"?

My hair's terrible. It's not.

You both look great.

OK, this is the mobile I want you to use.

What's wrong with our own phones?

We were advised. No giving out your social media contacts

and no using your own phones to make calls.

Zaroon's already got my number.

We haven't got a number for Dad.

OK. I just want to emphasise...

Mum? We know.

We're not kids.

Do you think he'll recognise us?

I mean, town's going to be packed

and he hasn't seen us since we were little.

'Course he'll recognise you.

Come on, we're going to miss the bus.

You're the one who took ages in the bathroom!

You were in there for ages before me. Not as long as you!

How long does it take to slap on some eyeliner?

OK, bye, then. Bye! Bye! Take...

You all set? Yeah, yeah.

I'm just going to get changed, OK?

Can I help? Hiya, Karen!

Rita! What are you doing here?

Cath's off sick, said I'd cover.

Aw, that's nice.

Well, she covered for me for the last two Northern Roars.

The what?

Northern Roar. It's a bikers' meet-up in Cleethorpes.

Sorry, this is my Ken.

Ah, Ken! I've heard a lot about you.

Oh, yeah. Like what? Er...roadying, gigs, bikes.

Yeah, that's about me.

Right, I'd better get going. I've got a get-in to do for Ultrahell.

Who?

They're a death metal band from Finland.

Not quite my cup of tea, but they're not a bad bunch of kids when they're not singing about Satan.

Right, I'll pick you up later, babes.

Mmmmmmmmmmm...! Oh, hello!

See you later, Karen. Bye-bye.

Oh, I say, he's all man!

Oh, he's a big softie. Insisted on bringing me down.

But I was coming into the uni, anyway, to pick up my books.

Your books? For my course.

Part-time lifelong learning. I'm doing the Romantics.

Ooh, romantic what? Poets! Shelley, Coleridge, Byron.

You're into all that!

Well, I did the foundation course last year.

Oh, it was brilliant! The tutor's amazing!

Oh! Ooh, hello!

Oh! Professor Julian Darby!

I swear that Immie did some set-painting for him

for the amateur dramatics.

He gave us a talk on live performance.

Asked which was my most memorable.

So I said, "Sabbath in '86".

SHE LAUGHS

My binoculars are somewhere in the garage, so these will have to do.

Well, if the kids burst into La traviata, we're suitably equipped(!)

How are you feeling about seeing Aamir?

A bit weird about seeing him.

Frightened? Yeah. For me and the kids.

Oh, I don't know. It was a long time ago, wasn't it?

People change. Mm.

Is it right to follow them?

I mean, am I doing it for them, or to reassure me?

There's nothing wrong with reassurance. No, no.

And they've made the decision to see him, so...

And like you said, they're not kids, are they?

And they're not adults.

Right, come on, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. Let's go, let's go!

Professor Darby? Ah, Rita.

I couldn't print out the reading list for the Romantics. Can I get one from you?

About that... It's our printer.

We call it the anti-Ozzy because it'll do any colour except for black!

Rita, the Romantics will be a challenging course.

I like a challenge.

And, unlike the foundation,

the texts will require considerable exegesis.

Critical analysis. Oh, I can be critical!

Ah... Julie, who does the halls of residence and the union,

she was only saying the other day how high my standards are.

Er... "You don't miss a thing", she said.

And I should miss some things.

The things they get up to in that kitchenette in Sociology!

Rita, I'm saying the course will be more exacting.

Well, if that's a cross between exciting and taxing, I'm up for it!

Ooh! Is that the reading list? Yes.

Great! Oh, yeah, I baked a cake!

I didn't know if you like marzipan,

so I erred on the side of caution and you've just got icing. Huh!

See you at the first seminar.

OPERA MUSIC

Think he might already be here?

Didn't you say 11:00? We're early.

Yeah, well, he could still be here. Let's sit down.

He might not be able to see us from here!

Yeah, well, he knows what he's looking for - a boy and a girl.

THEY SIGH

Hello! 10 minutes to make a change...?

Didn't think you could make a difference when you woke up this morning? Well...!

Come on, Pitman!

Faint heart never won fair...donations.

HELLO! Oh. Sorry! Sorry!

Probably too big an opening.

SHE SIGHS

OPERA MUSIC

I don't think you need those indoors.

I'm trying to look inconspicuous.

I think that's what the kids would term as an epic fail.

I've recced us a vantage point. OK.

This is a good spot. Yeah.

There they are! Oh, right.

I reread Day of the Jackal to tighten up on my surveillance techniques.

I'm not planning to assassinate him, you know.

No, but I've never surveilled anyone before.

Or even used the verb.

Do you think we should have a drink of tea?

Well, library rules do not allow refreshments.

Yeah, well, we can't pop down for one, can we? We might miss Aamir.

But rules would not stymie the Jackal.

Actually, I think you're more like Edward Woodward out of The Equalizer.

Really? Yeah. Either that or a flasher.

OPERA MUSIC

I'd like these, please.

All of them.

Tosca. You what?

Last time I used these. Touring production at The Hippodrome.

Very fine baritone playing Scarpia.

Always considered Grand-Guignol, though, even at the time.

Yeah, well, I prefer something a bit lighter.

That's why you prefer La boheme.

Mimi, tu piu non torni.

Doesn't Rodolfo encourage her

to leave their relationship, and find a better life?

Sorry, I didn't mean...

I wasn't drawing a comparison.

Oh, there's someone!

Do you know where Victoria Square is, mate?

SHAK SIGHS Oh, yeah. Um...just back down there, mate.

Directions. We can breathe again.

I was breathing...just.

OPERA MUSIC

Rita? Pretty much stripped the shelves.

Got the lot. Collected Coleridge, collected Wordsworth.

Rita, I think you should put your energies in another direction.

What do you mean?

I mean, I can't accept you on the course.

Why not? I don't think you are of the required standard.

But I did all right on the foundation. About that...

You said yourself, you said I tried really hard! I did, but...

But you didn't mean it? No, I did mean it! But I did OK!

I don't think you did enough to go to the next level.

As I was trying to tell you, the study will be more in-depth.

You're saying you don't want me to do it.

No, I'm just saying...! You've got no right!

Actually, as course tutor, I have every...

You've got no right!

No right to tell me I can't do it!

OPERA MUSIC CONTINUES

What if he's held up in traffic?

Might be. Or parking.

What if he can't find somewhere to park?

I mean, it's mad around here.

Are you sure he's even driving? Wouldn't you, if you had a car?

Maybe he's just late.

Aamir was never late.

Never? Never.

Well, people can change.

Punctuality is a habit.

Was he obsessive?

Yeah. He was a stickler for lots of things.

Punctuality, behaviour.

Your behaviour?

There were always boundaries.

Here you are.

It's funny, this morning, I thought how grown-up they looked,

but now, down there...

Maybe Aamir's got cold feet.

If he's said he's coming, he'll be here.

He always did what he said.

OPERA MUSIC

Rita! You've got some reading there!

He won't let me do the course!

Who?! Professor Darby.

He doesn't think I'm suitable.

Suitable? He says this course is much more intensive.

Well, you did all right on the course last time, didn't you?

I really think it's because my face doesn't fit.

How? Well, I'm not like the others, am I?

They're all ladies of leisure and yummy mummies.

Oh, I'm sure it's not that. Yes, it is.

To people like that, I'm just a cleaner.

You're not just a cleaner. I am around here.

I'd better get this lot back. It's no use to me now.

Aw!

You've...

SHE SIGHS

I had to leave.

I knew what it would mean, that it would be my fault.

I'd be the bad wife that left and ran.

The mother that ran for the sake of her children.

I didn't feel like I had a choice.

Aamir's family, they knew that he was an alcoholic,

they knew that he had a temper.

But they just ignored me.

And it was so hard to say anything in the first place.

It's hard to tell anyone about something like that.

I hate what Marina did to you.

Well, I hate that I allowed it.

I was silenced by my shame.

Yeah. But you did something.

You took Shak and Alia and made your life better.

Yeah, and now they're hanging on the clock, waiting for him.

I'm going to send them a text.

Well, make it something innocuous.

Like, "I can see you're feeling cold sitting on a bench"(?)

TEXT ALERT

Mum.

What's she saying?

Just asking if we're all right.

TEXT ALERT

"We're fine. We're waiting."

I think we should eat something.

You know, I thought I was going to be too nervous to be hungry.

Maybe that's a good sign.

What if he's got another family?

What?

He was still, I don't know, young when we went away.

Suppose.

Maybe he's got another family and doesn't want to mess it up.

How would it mess it up?

By them finding out about us.

Maybe...he hasn't told them.

I shouldn't laugh! Well, it is morbidly comic.

Lebkuchen and pepparkakor.

An insane argument over baking biscuits.

What a Christmas! Yeah.

And now you've got cheese and pickle.

I do! And I'm very grateful.

I sometimes used to wonder what it'd be like if I'd stayed with Aamir.

Really?

I was feeling so isolated.

And when you've got no money, no company

and you're thinking raising two kids on your own is impossible...

Did you think about going back?

It crossed my mind.

With Marina, at some level, I think I thought

being with her was better than being on my own.

But it wasn't.

No, it wasn't.

We've moved on.

We have.

KAREN KNOCKS ON DOOR Hello.

Hello. Er...Professor Darby? Mm-hm.

Ah, right. Well, you won't remember me because we've never actually met,

but I'm Imogen's mum, Imogen Hollins.

She used to help with the set-decorating on Letherbridge Amateur Dramatics.

The...punky-haired girl?

Yeah. Hair could be any colour, yes.

Yes. Well, she was a great help.

Especially when I was directing The Tempest.

She had a great sense of colour.

What's she up to now? Oh, she went to art school in London

and now she's working in one of those trendy galleries down there.

Earning a living until her undoubted talent breaks through.

So, how can I help?

Um...actually, I'm here about a friend, Rita Holdswell.

Ah. Rita.

Yeah. I've just seen her and she's, er...she's a bit upset.

Well, she's a lot upset.

It wasn't my intention to upset her.

No, but you did.

I don't know what she told you, but, really, the course isn't for her.

That she isn't suitable.

What do you mean by suitable?

Well, you tell me.

I won't be needing these after all.

It's not because she isn't a yummy-mummy or a lady who lunches.

No, she's a cleaner. I know. She told me.

She also told me about the early albums of Hawkwind

and the later albums of Black Sabbath,

or the time when Ken had to strip out a carburettor on the hard shoulder of the M6.

Yeah. She is chatty.

Which is delightful.

If not always germane to the subject under discussion.

She does have a habit of digressing completely,

which is a big distraction for everyone else.

But you did tell her that she did OK last year, so...

She tried, but she just wasn't up to the standard of the others on the course.

I was able to cover her a bit, move along to someone else in the discussion,

but that's going to be harder this year.

I don't want her to feel out of place, or even humiliated.

Right. Well, I'm very sorry to have interrupted, um...

I'll, um...I'll go.

Please give my regards to Imogen.

I look forward to seeing an exhibition of hers one day. Right.

Even if he does show up, we don't know what he looks like. He could be fat, bald.

He wasn't in the photo.

Yeah, but we don't know how recent that was.

Anyway, I don't think he's going to...

It's him! He's there! Are you sure?

I hope they're not giving him any details!

I'm sure they'll remember the advice.

Sami's Samosas? Just over there. Thanks.

I'm going to get some.

We've got snacks in the bag.

I need proper food. What if he turns up?

You'll be here. Want anything?

Why's Alia following him?

Shak's staying! Why's Alia following him?!

I'll go. Be quick! Be quick! Don't let them see you!

I'll be discreet!

Zaroon, it's Shak. What's my dad playing at? We've been waiting here for hours!

Tell him to call me back.

Karen, have you seen Rita?

Not since lunchtime.

I was supposed to pick her up at 2:00. I can't find her anywhere.

I'm worried something might have happened to her.

I don't know if this is my place.

Um...I think something might have happened.

What? It's her course.

What, her English course?

The tutor said she wasn't going to be able to do it.

Professor Darby? Yeah.

He said that she was out of her depth academically on the foundation,

so she couldn't do the Romantics course. She was ever so upset.

Does he know how hard she's worked on this?

No. He can't know how hard she's worked on it! Right!

Where you going, Ken?

I'm off to see Darby.

Nobody upsets my Rita!

No, no, I think there's a bit more to it, than... Ken! Ken!

Ken! Oh, blimey!

OPERA MUSIC

I called Zaroon.

What did he say? He didn't pick up.

Maybe he's hiding, like Dad.

I don't think Dad's hiding.

What's he doing, then?!

He isn't coming, Shak.

If he was going to, he'd be here.

He probably didn't want to come in the first place.

He said he would!

Why are you so surprised?

He hasn't seen us in all these years!

Exactly! He's not bothered, Shak, and this proves it!

But why? He's our dad!

We're his kids!

I don't know.

I've thought about him all my life!

I know.

You're tired. Let's go home.

You're just like Mum.

Oh! You, sir, that's a compassionate face. A face born of compassion.

Would you like to put that compassion to good use?

Oh! What about you, madam?

Ah! A visage sculpted of empathy!

And empathy is what we need...!

Empathy is what we need.

BREATHLESS: They're...! They're...!

They're leaving, I know. They just text.

I wouldn't put this past Aamir to do this deliberately to get at me.

We'd better get... Get going.

Yeah. Get home before they do. Here you are. Come on.

Ah!

The sequel's better.

Is this him? Will you just listen...?! Darby?

You've got no idea! No idea how much she's put into that course!

He's not knocking her efforts, he's saying that's she's...

She's thick! I wouldn't say that!

He didn't say that. No, I mean... I meant...

You mean she's just...! What's going on?!

Er...a slight difference of opinion. What about?

Your prof here says you're too thick to do his course! I didn't...! What?!

He didn't use that word! But that's what he meant.

Wrapping it all up in all his posho university talk!

No! I...! I think what he was saying is that the course is difficult.

Yes, difficult! You were saying she's stupid! No, I wouldn't...!

You were saying she's not good enough! That's not...!

I can't read!

Change the world? You, sir, with the handsomely piratical demeanour?

Ooo! How about you, sir, with the eyes of burning umber

and locks that would make Ross Poldark run to the barber? Huh-huh!

Do I really have eyes of burning umber?

Absolutely. Have you got a minute? Sure.

Oh, thank you!

So, what's your name? Patrick.

OK, lovely. Patrick. Right, first of all,

could I just give you an overall picture of what we do?

I'd always been able to hide it.

Bluffing, getting by.

Course, I picked up stuff, but it wasn't until I met Ken that...

..that I had someone to tell.

And he helped me manage bills and stuff like that.

Dyslexic. She's dyslexic.

I tried to get her some professional help, but...

I was ashamed. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Well, that's what I've always said.

But you took the English foundation course?

Well, my usual gig is the library, cleaning it.

All those shelves, and...

..every day, I'd see them sat there.

Students reading,

professors reading.

And I thought, "I'd love that!

"I'd love to learn what's in them books."

And with the kids gone and the house empty and me getting on a bit...

..I needed to be good at something.

Sorry, Rita.

I marked all your work. How did you...? Ken.

Ken read the books to me.

The poems.

Recorded them and I listened to them over and over.

And then he helped me with the essays.

It was your ideas, wasn't it? I was just writing down what you were saying.

I wish some of my undergraduates made that kind of effort.

It's not much use now, though, is it? Why?

Well, now you know I can't read properly.

Well, that does explain why you found it hard in seminars

when you had to read and analyse.

And why you kept talking about anything but the text.

But we can deal with that.

How? A friend of mine, a colleague,

is an expert in working with dyslexia.

Achieves great results. And they'd help me? I'm sure.

But what about the course, the Romantics?

Actually, I think we would welcome your contribution.

Oh!

I'm, er...I'm sorry about the, er...

"So quick bright things come to confusion."

Shakespeare. THEY CHUCKLE

Anyone for cake?

THEY LAUGH

That's great, Patrick. Now all we need to do is get your bank details

and then we can set up a direct debit.

Actually, I can't.

But you liked what I was saying?

Just not the way you were saying it.

Sorry, I don't know what you mean.

I'm not a prospective punter, I'm from the agency.

I...I...

We've received some complaints from the charity about you.

What sort of complaints?

Sign-up rates. They're far too low.

I've been watching the way you approach people.

Well, I'm always very pleasant.

It's too much. Over the top, clownish.

Clownish? Yes!

I mean, it's about how you effectively engage with people.

You're not putting on some circus act!

I hate this job!

I hate it!

I've had cancer and I've got no money and I need it and I...

SHE SOBS

They're coming, they're coming!

Heston, come on, get rid of the bag!

DOOR CLOSES (OK.)

Hey. How'd it go?

He was a no-show. Oh, well. I'm sorry.

What's for tea? You've not long had samosas!

You've been having a go at me all the way home. It's not my fault he didn't turn up!

OK, please... Why don't we order pizza?

Mine's a margherita. I'll get changed.

Hey. I'm sorry.

What are YOU sorry for?

Because I know how much you wanted to see him.

Yeah, but he obviously didn't want to see us!

Well, maybe something happened. Yeah, right(!)

Perhaps there'll be another time.

No, Mum, forget it! This was it!

He's made his decision.

Well, stuff him! Hey.

And Zaroon! Shak? And the rest of them.

SHE SIGHS

I hate seeing him disappointed.

They had to try. Hm.

Perhaps I should be pleased. For what?

Aamir not showing means I don't have to face my past.

OK, Quattro formaggi, or fig and dolcelatte?

You decide.

It's clean. Thank you.

I'm sorry. Ooh, no.

No, it's your job.

And if I'm not performing, then...

I didn't know about the cancer.

Oh, well, it's gone now.

So, what were you doing before this?

Well, I've had lots of jobs.

Admin's my forte.

I was working at the Mill Health Centre.

I had quite a lot of responsibility there.

So, this isn't really your thing? No. Huh!

What if we can find you something back in the office?

Really?! Yeah.

We've taken on some extra contracts and we could do with the admin support. Oh, thank you!

You are my saviour!

Cometh the hour, cometh Valerie Pitman!

But the flipping Icon bar? Why on earth did I say that?

Well, you probably feel safer on home territory.

You want me to pay to upgrade my office skills just so I can apply for jobs?

Well, surely it will benefit you in the long run?

Weren't you listening?

No, I don't want to worry the kids.

Ruhma.