Jelly Bean Doctors

MUSIC: Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf

# Get your motor running...#

Your car's ready, sir.

# Looking for adventure

# And whatever comes our way

# Yeah, darling, go make it happen

# Take the world in a love embrace

# Fire all of your guns at once and

# Explode into space

# And like a true nature's child

# We were born, born to be wild

# We can climb so high I never want to die

# Born to be wild. #

HORN BLASTS

-So, what do you think?

-HORN BLASTS

What a racket!

Good grief! Look at that.

What has she done now?

So, um...what do you think?

-About what?

-About my patient.

The one we were discussing - Tess Winston. Could it be her heart?

-Did you listen to her heart?

-Of course. I didn't hear anything out of the ordinary.

Then it's probably not her heart.

Look, you thought it was anaemia, it sounds like anaemia.

You sent her to St Phil's to test for anaemia.

It's probably anaemia.

Yeah. I hear what you're saying.

But what if it isn't? What if it's something else?

Then maybe it's something else.

Look, we can only do our best.

Sometimes patients die, mostly they don't.

What happened yesterday was not your fault.

-Yeah, but...

-Repeat after me, "I am a good doctor."

-I am a good doctor.

-Well done. Have a biscuit.

Ho-ho!

Wow!

Yes. It only arrived at the dealership today.

I couldn't wait to get my hands on it.

I bet.

Nought to 60 in three seconds.

And fuel-stratified injection and heated leather seats.

-I've never really seen the point of those.

-A-hem!

So, how much did this set you back?

-Impolite. Move on.

-How much?

Oh, a win at the casino, some savings.

Anyway, that's not the point.

The point is, I love how it makes me feel.

You wouldn't believe the attention I'm getting.

And you like that sort of attention?

Well, no, normally, I don't,

but I have to confess, it does make me feel rather, um...sexy.

All those leery men?!

They weren't leery, some of them were...

-Thank you.

-Gorgeous!

-Yes.

No. Gorgeous.

Very nice car.

Thank you. It's new.

Don't ask her how much it cost.

Lucky lady.

Yes, I feel quite, um...lucky.

-You sound a long way from...

-A-hem!

-You sound a long way from home.

-Actually, I'm not.

This used to be my home a long, long time ago.

What brings you back to Letherbridge?

I'm trying to track down an old friend.

Perhaps you ladies can help. I believe she works here.

Oh. Who might that be?

My love life's boring as hell!

Give over. You see more action than the rest of us put together.

-Excuse me?

-Just an opinion.

Yeah, well, it's the wrong one.

Trust me, the creek is dry and I've lost the paddle.

Excuse me, will you two dial it down?

There are patients listening. It's not the time for that sort of talk.

Oh, that's a shame because those yellow rubber gloves

are really doing it for me, Valerie.

If you like them, you should wear them. Men's toilets need sorting.

No, thank you, not my department.

I am highly-qualified doctor,

as the tardy Mr Goodson is about to find out. Come straight through.

-Enjoy.

-It's not my department either!

I am a receptionist.

I don't see why I should get down on my hands and knees

just because some male student missed the bowl.

Sorry, sir, not you. I'm sure you've got excellent aim.

I may be some time.

Thanks.

Hi.

-Have you seen Emma's car?

-Oh! I am having a private viewing later.

A private viewing? It's a car, not a flipping artwork!

I'm sorry, we're closed.

The door was open, so I came in. I've got to see a doctor.

Yeah, but would you mind popping back at four?

Er...I can't. That's why I've come now, to see a doctor.

Which doctor is that, Mr...?

Robinson. I don't know which doctor.

Are you all right, Mr Robinson?

My mother died.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yesterday. Here.

Stop what you're doing right now. There's someone here to see you.

-What do you mean?

-Says his name's D.

D? That's an initial, it's not a name.

I don't know anyone called D.

Anyway, I'm busy. I'll be out in a bit.

No, you're not busy. Come with me. Come on!

OK!

Hey, you!

Er...yeah, um...er... Ah!

Hello.

Is it me you're looking for?

Are you quoting Lionel Richie?

Yes, I am, apparently. Not intentionally.

I...I...I... Sorry, my mouth's not working very well at the moment.

-I don't know you, do I?

-Do you not?

Well, I...er...

Well...I... Oh, there it goes again. Stupid tongue!

I think I'd remember.

Well, it's definitely you I'm looking for, Jelly Bean.

Oh!

HE SOBS QUIETLY

Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that.

It's just, er...

It's so hard to grasp.

There is no need to apologise. I understand.

Mrs Robinson was a wonderful woman.

This must be very difficult.

Yeah, it is. We were very close.

My brothers moved abroad, but...

..I stayed here to be near her.

I even brought up my family here until that...broke down.

Well...things change, eh?

It's always been me and Mum muddling through.

I used to help her with things, you know.

The garden, shopping.

Rusty.

Her dog.

-Who buys a Border collie at the age of 78?

-Hm!

Oh! You can't tire him out.

Licks the walls, drives me mad, you know.

But she loved him.

Who's going to look after Rusty now?

Thank you for being so kind.

No, not at all.

Mr Robinson, is there anything else I can do for you?

Er...yes, yeah.

I'd really like to talk to the doctor who was with her

-when she died.

-The doctor.

I just, er...

I just need to understand what happened.

You have absolutely no right turning up here out of the blue!

And why are you calling yourself D?!

What are you, 12?!

-I want to ask you something.

-Problem?

Not at all. Grab a seat.

You, look after those. You, in here!

-This is cosy(!)

-Stop it!

What the hell do you think you're playing at?

Turning up here out of the blue after 20-odd years!

-22.

-All right, 22.

Looking like...

What the hell have you done to yourself?

You make me feel...

-Feel what, Jelly Bean?

-No! Stop calling me that!

That was in a past life.

You do not get to do this. You don't.

You're a different person. I'm a different person.

You've even got a different name!

You don't look so different.

You still have great eyes.

Back off, Mister!

Where's Marjorie?

She died. Six months ago.

So...

so...so why are you here? I don't understand.

I told you, I've come to ask something.

-I'm listening.

-Not here.

-I've booked a table at the South Quay.

-South Quay?!

-How can you afford the South Quay?!

-Life's been good.

Wow! What happened to Derrick Malone,

photocopier engineer from Walsall Wood?

Have lunch with him and he'll tell you.

No, thanks. I'm not interested.

Besides, I'm not dressed right.

You ARE interested,

but you're not dressed right.

I can fix that, though.

(Let's go shopping!)

Are you aware of the probable cause of death?

Er...the, er...hospital said a myocardial infa-something.

Yeah. Infarction. A heart attack.

We're still waiting for confirmation,

but that does seem the most likely cause.

I'm so sorry, Mr Robinson.

It's terribly sad and it's upset us all.

Thank you.

Um...

..could you show me where it happened?

(Yeah.)

Well?

Zara said it was savings. Could just be savings.

-Or...?

-Yeah.

-Tricky.

-It's not our concern.

Well, it is if it affects whether she becomes a partner or not.

Why don't you ask her, then?

-Me?

-Yeah.

Ask me what?

-Nice car.

-Yes, it is, isn't it?

So, what did you want to ask me?

-Um...

-Come on, spit it out.

Ah, well, we were just wondering, you know...

Oh! How I paid for it!

That's none of your business.

You're right, I'll mind my own business.

Well, look, if you must know, I used Howard's inheritance.

Any other questions?

Not from me. I hope it brings you great joy.

Thank you. It already has.

Yes?

You should be more careful with your money.

You'll lose big at the casino and then that'll have to go back.

-It's a meaningless object.

-Hm.

A - it's MY meaningless object.

B - I'm done with gambling.

And C - just because we slept together

does not give you the right to judge me.

If I wanted uptight and sanctimonious,

I'd have bedded a priest.

Did she suffer?

No, I-I don't think so. Um...

It was all very quick.

Was she aware you were trying to revive her?

I read it's quite traumatic.

No. She never regained consciousness.

I don't think she was aware of anything.

You don't think?

No.

But you don't know?

Like I said, it...it was very quick.

It is difficult to know anything for certain

in these circumstances, Mr Robinson.

You suspected she had a gall bladder complaint, yeah?

Yes. But I didn't have time to properly examine her...

But it's what you suspected, yes?

-Yes.

-Is that a common complaint of women of my mother's age?

Roughly half of all people your mother's age

-have some form of gall bladder disease.

-50%.

Did you know that nearly a third of women of my mother's age

have abdominal pains as their presenting symptom

of an imminent heart attack?

-Right.

-That's 50 verses 33%.

One a minor ailment, one a life-threatening condition.

Now, if that had been me who had to make that choice,

I think I would have chose to go for the more information option.

Just to be safe. But you chose not to.

So, tell me, Dr Vere...

..do you think that you made the right decision,

or do you know you made the wrong one?

Look, I-I-I did everything I could.

You tell yourself that if it helps.

But you didn't.

You killed my mother.

Mr Robinson, I realise

that this is very upsetting for you,

but I think this discussion should come to an end, now.

That was delicious.

I don't really know what it was, but it was yummy.

We'll have some later. Thank you.

Ooh, no, I should slow down. I'm supposed to be back at work!

What happened to you?

I told you, I moved to Santa Monica.

And then what?

Then I had three daughters.

Mabel, the youngest, is 17.

Lola, she's 19, wants to be a physicist.

Very headstrong.

And Dallas, she's 21, works for me.

In your photocopier business?

I have several businesses now.

She runs the dive school.

A dive school?!

Yeah, I diversified.

VALERIE LAUGHS

-Is it on the beach?

-It is.

Wow!

And what's "D" all about?

Ah! Family vote.

They voted that D's Dive Shack sounded better than Derrick's.

Now everyone calls me D.

Hey, don't knock it, because I am so down with the kids.

Oh! Your life!

It's so different to mine.

I never got out of Letherbridge.

Oh, I like Letherbridge.

It's not Santa Monica.

Mm. No.

But it's where I fell in love.

You were my first love.

You were mine.

We popped our cherries together.

That was a lifetime ago!

I still remember every single time.

-We were getting quite good.

-(Stop!)

-Why?

-Because I'm not that woman any more.

-Why not?

-I don't talk about those sort of things.

-Why not?

-I just don't!

It's natural, it's healthy.

We're born, we reproduce, we die.

What else is there?

Betrayal.

Marjorie was my best friend.

She might still want to be a partner.

She's spent the money now.

We don't know anything about the state of her finances.

She may still want in.

Novel idea - why don't you ask her(?)

Not me. She bit my head off earlier.

I'm not the right person for the job.

I mean, this requires a woman's touch, darling.

I concur, darling.

You two both just need to grow a pair.

I was young and foolish.

Mainly young.

I had a one-night drunken stand with Marjorie.

A mistake I regretted immediately.

We didn't care for each other.

Not...not then.

We swore we'd forget about it.

And then she found out she was pregnant.

I'm fine, thanks.

I'm not. Fill her up.

So...go on. Oh, no, actually, wait a sec.

What are you doing?

I am informing work that I am going to be late.

Ayesha owes me.

Right. Hm! Ready.

Go on. So you had just got my best mate pregnant.

Marjorie wanted to keep it.

-She was a good Catholic girl.

-Not THAT good.

And I-I couldn't leave her.

I wouldn't leave her.

Hang on. So, you're telling me that your eldest daughter...

-Dallas.

-..is from then?

Yeah.

Well, that is...

That is...

Well, I don't really know what that is, but that is something.

So, then, you whisked Marjorie off to Santa Monica?

Wigan first, and Santa Monica after, yeah.

And the rest is history.

No. Not to me, it isn't.

I never understood.

I felt like such a mug!

You were my boyfriend and she was my best friend.

We went to the Brownies together!

I never really got over it.

I just wanted to put things right.

How dare you?!

I mean, you just come in here, think you can waltz in...

What's that?

What does it look like?

Huh!

-Valerie!

-No, don't come near me!

What were you playing at?!

Dropping a ring on the table, like it...

like it's some great big romantic gesture.

It is a BIG romantic gesture.

How can it be romantic?!

I haven't seen you for 20 years!

I don't even know you.

-Please...!

-No! Get off me!

-No!

-Because if you don't, I cannot vouch for what I will do next.

What do you want to do?

Well, I want to kick you in the privates.

I'd rather you didn't. I'm quite attached.

-Oh!

-Ah!

-You nipple-tweaked me!

-Yes, yes, I did.

Why?!

Because it's you! Because...

You...you make me feel all confused.

Coming here, looking all like that and showing me a ring.

A ring! What were you thinking?!

You make me feel all...

All what?

All this.

ENGINE REVS

EMMA LAUGHS

You can hear all ten cylinders!

Listen!

REVS ENGINE

Oh! Oh, it is beautiful, Dr Reid! I love it!

I knew you would! Some people just don't appreciate it.

I mean, Ruhma said it was a complete waste of money,

and Heston...!

Don't listen to them. They know nothing.

Sometimes money does not matter a jot.

(It is perfection!)

Physical beauty meets brute force in perfect balance.

There are not many things that make me feel like this.

REVS ENGINE

EMMA LAUGHS

VALERIE EXHALES

VALERIE EXHALES

I normally have a cheese and pickle sandwich for lunch.

THEY CHUCKLE

Where do you think you're going?

I am going to have a shower, if it's OK with you,

Little Miss Jelly Bean?

Hm.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Yep?

Heston? Hi. Um...these are all the patients I've seen today.

Their ailments, what I diagnosed and the treatments I prescribed.

-Very diligent.

-Now, they're all correct.

-I've done everything I should have done.

-Congratulations.

But, um...

But what?

Well, I just want you to take a look at Tess Winston once more.

-Sid, we've been through all this.

-Please! Um...just to be sure.

Thank you.

Hello! Going somewhere?

We need to talk. Sit.

What are we talking about?

I have had a lovely afternoon.

I'm sitting here with a gorgeous naked man,

clutching an engagement ring

and yet, I'm not entirely over the moon.

-Oh, I can fix that.

-No, wait. Let me finish.

You came here with a plan -

to whisk me off my feet, which you did do, but...

but I don't know you.

I don't know anything about you.

And you don't know me.

I told you all about me.

No, you didn't.

You gave me the edited highlights and said the rest was history.

So, what do you want to know?

I want to know about Marjorie.

I want to know how she died.

OK.

Cancer. Pancreatic cancer.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

I've...I've been battling cancer myself recently.

Hodgkin's lymphoma.

I hated it, too, but I was lucky.

I'm not entirely out of the woods yet, but so far, touch wood, lucky.

I-I didn't know.

No, you didn't.

-How did you cope?

-With friends.

I-I didn't have what Marjorie had.

I didn't have family. I didn't have you.

But I coped.

Marjorie must have felt very blessed.

I-I think she did.

I hope she was.

We tried to make it better,

but no matter how prepared you are, it still takes your breath away,

knowing that you're never, ever going to see them again.

And just six months later, you're ready to move on?

Yeah.

Oh!

Ashes To Diamonds.

I looked up the company online.

Is this what I think it is?

They make diamonds out of the ashes of...of your loved ones. I...

-This is Marjorie, isn't it?

-(Yeah.)

And how is that moving on?

I-I just wanted her to be a part of whatever we were going to become.

Because you promised to make amends?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I-I promised.

Look...go back to your girls.

Go back to your life.

You are nowhere near ready for this and neither am I.

-But...

-Don't. Ssh.

I...I meant all the things I said.

-You were my first love.

-And you were mine.

But I wasn't your last.

And that's all right.

-Can I call you a taxi?

-No, I'm perfectly capable.

Goodbye, Derrick.

Thank you for a lovely afternoon.

I heard you spent Howard's money.

If by that, you mean the money that Howard left ME, then, yes.

So, you don't want to be a partner?

Heston gave me the rundown of what it entails

and it doesn't sound like much fun.

OK.

OK? You're not going to try and talk me out of it?

Your life, your car.

Enjoy!

-HESTON:

-'So it's good news. Tess Winston's heart is fine.

'She has anaemia, as you first diagnosed.

'You've got to trust yourself, Sid.

'Hope you feel better tomorrow.'

He attacked me! He attacked me!

OK, you're safe now.

A man who fits your description

has been linked with a historic crime in this area.

-We just want to have a little chat.

-Fine.

It is time for us to realise that we are all role models.

Role models? Patients don't care what we eat.

-We could be talking a wild goose chase.

-Yeah.