Cravings Doctors

BLINDS RATTLE

Miranda?

Hey.

You haven't been here all night?

What? What time is it?

It's after eight.

I've got to get home! I've got a doctor's appointment.

The flipping board meeting.

Take a breath, OK?

I've got to get changed.

Jeremy will expect a suit.

-Oh, well, stuff him!

-Forget about him for a second.

-You need to eat something.

-I'll grab something at home.

You won't. Which is why I'm taking care of you.

Nick, I'm fine!

It's not just you, though, is it?

Right...

Now, be a good girl. Sit still.

I'll be back in two minutes.

-Hey!

-Before you say anything, it's plain ham and cheese.

And there is very little sugar in the cheese.

But there is sugar in the bread.

It's brown bread.

There's still sugar in it.

Of course there is.

Hey, what did you do that for?

Do you realise there's virtually nothing I can eat!

If you'd have had breakfast, there would have been.

Hang on a minute, I've got something.

Here. Shak forgot those.

And I've got...this.

-Enjoy!

-Thanks.

Here we go.

It's so lush.

Yup. Time to eat.

You've done such a good job with these.

You should switch to gardening full time.

I might one day. In the meantime...

I wasn't sure how much jam you wanted.

It's perfect. Thanks.

You don't have to watch over me. I'll be good.

I don't mind.

Miranda, I...

No. I feel bad keeping you away from the rest of your building.

It's OK.

You're busy! And I'm fine.

Please.

I'll, um... I'll get to work.

Thanks. You're a good friend.

Pop back at lunchtime.

I'm starving!

Rice cake?

Fat free, sugar free, gluten-free.

Taste free.

More like guilt-free, after your weekend.

-MOBILE RINGS

-Ah. Seb.

I thought the date on Friday went well?

So did I. Then I texted him and nothing.

-Typical!

-So, he doesn't respond to one text and you're writing him off?

-So would you.

-No, I wouldn't.

I might not be perfect, but at least I don't write people off.

Right. Now that everyone is here, perhaps we can begin.

I know that we have all had different challenges

over the weekend, but that is why we are here.

Dr Granger, could you tell us about some of the withdrawal symptoms

that we might be experiencing?

Sure, well, a lot depends on the individual, of course, but

a common symptom is irritability.

It's like Fort Knox!

And there are also problems with concentration,

headaches, mood swings.

I thought this was supposed to make us feel better?

Ultimately, yes.

But, of course, a lot depends on the extent of our dependence.

For some, for example, it's as difficult

as giving up crack cocaine.

This is ridiculous!

There's a lot of evidence out there

but, of course, you're entitled to your opinion.

Sorry? What are you talking about?

We're all sugar junkies. That's why we're finding it so hard.

Really? What's wrong with a bit of old-fashioned self discipline?

Heston! Nuts!

MRS TEMBE: Moving on.

Would anyone like to tell us about their experiences over the weekend?

-Emma had a bit of a blowout.

-What?

It is all right! This is why we are here.

Well... I had a glass of wine!

A glass?

All right! I had several glasses.

But, you know, it was a difficult night.

-I don't think anyone should have to justify themselves.

-Thank you!

It will only make things worse.

Because you are doing so well, Dr Reid,

I think we should all be supporting her

and congratulate her for getting right back on track.

Well done. Well done.

THEY APPLAUD

Makes you think... life is really short.

There's no point sweating over the inconsequential things.

Are they done in there, Jimmi, with their meeting?

Not sure. I heard clapping.

-Clapping?

-Well, I'm not going to wait

any longer. You can't deprive a man of his morning coffee.

-Dr Haskey!

-Finally. Thank you.

It went well, then?

Yes. Well, I could not imagine a more perfect meeting!

There was debate. We had passion.

Really? Real passion, was there?

You are quite welcome to join us, if you change your mind.

I would love to, but I do need my sugar. Sluggish metabolism.

Right. Well, I am off to St Phil's.

Can you call Mrs Romilly and tell her I am on my way?

That's odd. No dial tone.

Are you sure?

We just want to make sure there's no underlying condition.

For falling asleep? I've got work coming out of my eyeballs.

Yeah, well, has it occurred to you to slow down, Miranda?

I can't. It's not in my nature.

I've always been go, go, go.

Well, you're going to have to get used to that!

-That's what Nick keeps saying.

-Nick?

He's our maintenance manager.

He's lovely, you know? Nice and nurturing. A proper man.

Unlike... Well, you know what's been going on. My ex!

Yeah, well, to be fair, this has all got to be pretty strange

for Jeremy, especially after everything

you two have been through.

He was just a sperm donor!

I'm the one who went through the IVF. Not him.

Yeah, well, I've worked with a lot of people

where it's difficult for both sides.

-You know what?

-Go on.

-I think the baby knows the father it wants.

-What?

As soon as we divorce, bam!

A one-night stand and I'm pregnant?

So, you think the baby knew he wanted that man as a father?

No, I just think that deep down I knew I could be a parent on my own.

Jeremy's so conservative.

We'd have been dreadful parents together.

I just didn't listen to my instincts, but now I've...

"Now I..." what?

Just...

I've been having these weird cravings.

Ooh! Anything particular?

All right, look, I had pickled anchovies. Yeah, gross.

Every woman, she craves different things.

So, come on, hit me with it.

Chocolate.

Chocolate?

I know people that are struggling with that

and they're not even pregnant, Miranda!

OK, if you think you're going overboard with it,

try some healthy alternatives. Yoghurt. Sometimes, actually,

we don't know why or what we're craving, really.

It could be a texture or a smell.

I don't think it's either of those.

OK. Well, Like they say, everything in moderation.

Only me.

I've left the flipping chicken in the freezer this morning.

-Karen, where do you think I am?

-Home.

I'm at work! My shift changed. I told you yesterday.

But you never listen.

Don't have a go! My head's all over the place.

You said you were going to have a word about that at the meeting.

Not without getting it bitten off!

Everybody's so moody. Daniel reckons it's like coming off crack cocaine.

Well, in that case, why are we doing it?

You don't want to be a drug addict!

I never said that...

Forget it!

There's no point talking to you when you're like this.

Like what?

I hope your mobile's charged because the phones are out.

What? Rob.

I have to go.

No. I haven't f...

It's all under control. They are sending someone.

But, in the meantime, we'll just have a lovely, quiet morning.

-Emma. You're not in a mood with me, are you?

-Why would I be?

So, that's a yes, then.

I just don't appreciate you broadcasting my private life.

Like you did with me on Friday?

That's not the same.

I was just happy about your date.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. Nothing's happening with me and Seb.

Isn't it interesting how the rest of us are trying to avoid something

bad and here you are busy, trying to avoid something that's good?

I texted him. I told you! He only got back to me this morning.

Oh, well, you know, he might have had a reason.

-You've hardly given him a chance.

-I don't need to.

-I know he'll let me down anyway, so...

-Really?

Well, I'll tell you what, why don't we discuss that at the next meeting?

Be normal. Please!

It's been two hours!

Well, that's no excuse.

Road works, is it?

Then put him on a bike!

He needs to be here!

There were warnings. Apparently the M6 is backed up for miles.

They don't bother you, do they?

What do you think?

-SHE SUCKS LOUDLY

-I'll try to be quiet.

SHE CONTINUES SUCKING

Excuse me.

Working hard, I see.

What are you doing here?

That's nice.

It's polite to knock.

Bethan told me to come through. She's worried about you.

Bethan should know better.

That's typical, leaving everything to the last minute.

Jeremy, if you haven't got anything useful to contribute, just go.

I'm paying you a courtesy.

There's no point coming later.

-The board have made their decision.

-Well, they'll have to unmake it.

I'm not standing down.

This is my company.

No, it's not. It's a public company,

responsible for the interests of its shareholders.

All they care about is profit.

That's right! It's their business. This? This is a business.

You're wrong. It's much more. Our customers know that.

Our customers have been leaving in droves. There's no strategy.

You promised a new plan, you haven't delivered.

I'm working on it!

If you just stop hassling me...

You can't blame me for your...

For my baby?

Your choices, I was going to say.

Whatever.

Just tell your board I'll be ready at five o'clock.

They're meeting at four.

You've obviously left things rather late this time.

Big breath.

HIS STOMACH RUMBLES

Excuse me. One more time?

HE TAKES BREATH

# I've fallen from grace

# Took a blow to my face

# I've loved and I've lost

# I've loved and I've lost

# Explosion

# On the day you wake up

# Needing somebody and you've learned

# It's OK to be afraid... #

-Take care.

-Excuse me.

I have got a proposition.

OK, I'm listening.

La Vigne are holding a special tasting tonight.

-On a Monday?

-I just said it's special.

I can't go. I'm not drinking wine.

Oh, come on. It'll just be us!

So? I'm serious.

No. I really need a night out.

Besides I've already booked Lucy to babysit.

Incredible! One minute you're having a go at me to watch my diet,

and the next you're pulling me away cos it suits you.

Don't you think that I deserve a night out?

Especially after your grumpiness all weekend.

If I'm that difficult to be around, then you should go on your own.

You are such a hypocrite!

What? Because when I start something I finish it?

They've been there for ages. I haven't touched them in days!

Oh, really? Not even just one sneaky, little hit?

Mm...

You can't tempt me.

Are you sure?

This isn't over.

I'm really sorry about this.

We just need to make sure you haven't accidentally ingested

some bacteria or parasites. Hey. Hey, Miranda.

Look, it's OK. We found out early, and that is a good thing.

Yeah?

You think you started about a week ago?

Yeah, last week, when Nick changed the plants.

-I asked him to freshen them up.

-You're going to be OK.

I've turned into a freak!

No. No. Look, craving non-foods that have got no nutritional value,

it's a condition called Pica.

So, I've joined some dirt-eating club?

No. In some cultures, it's even celebrated.

Oh, great!

Women eat all sorts of things. Clay, sand. Paper.

Ice cubes, that is another one. It varies.

Every woman is different.

I don't understand, why does it happen?

You could have a deficiency. Iron.

That's not uncommon in pregnancy.

Well, we can sort out some supplements.

So, you're saying this is an actual medical thing?

Yes, it is.

SHE SIGHS WITH RELIEF

You don't know what I've been going through!

I thought I was weird.

You are weird, Miranda.

But we're all a bit weird.

You hear that? We're all a bit weird.

Excuse me. I'm supposed to be waiting for Miranda Quantock.

Can you tell her I'll be back?

HEAVENLY MUSIC PLAYS

RECORD SCRATCHES

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Yep?

Just to let you know, the phones are still down.

It's so quiet without them. Gives me the willies.

There was nothing else you wanted to discuss?

Actually, you know you were saying earlier about the crack-heads?

I think I've got the DTs.

Cos I'm ever so shaky and every little thing sets me off...

-Are you OK?

-Headache.

Me too! That's one of the symptoms, isn't it?

Plus, I have to sit next to Valerie

all day with her flippin' bulls-eyes.

-What?

-The peppermints.

She's got a bag of them on the desk and a jaw like a concrete mixer.

-So, just give us a call if you need me.

-I will. And thank you.

MOBILE RINGS

It's Jeremy.

So, are you ringing to gloat?

What? He's here.

What is it?

Let me talk to him.

You're overreacting. Don't call the police!

Wait until...

I've got to get over there. Can you take me?

Um...we can call you a cab.

Please. I need to get there now.

Your last patient's actually cancelled.

Right, OK, I'll get my keys, come on.

Have you seen the state of that fridge, it's an absolute disgrace!

Sorry?

-Are you all right?

-I will be.

-Tell Zara she wins.

-They're mine!

Miss Pitman. What has happened to the phones?

I have been trying to call you for over an hour.

< We need to prioritise the telephone!

< Have you seen the fridge? It's disgusting!

Cheers.

< This is supposed to be a medical establishment.

< That is exactly what I am trying to say!

< We need our telephones to be working!

Hard to imagine all those little grains could cause so much trouble.

< Yes, I will hold.

-Nothing!

-Everything all right?

I am on the line to the telephone company.

I bet you regret bringing up all this sugar thing now?

No.

No, not at all.

Yes, this is Mrs Tembe.

-IMITATES MRS TEMBE:

-No, not at all.

SHOUTING OVER EACH OTHER

Gentlemen! Calm down.

-Yeah, if he stops bullying her.

-It's nothing to do with you?

You're nothing, you know that. You're just a trumped up...

Stop it! Otherwise I will take you in as well.

I just want to know what this handyman is doing with my wife?

-Your ex-wife.

-Whichever. She's none of your concern!

Right, stop it. Cuff him!

-That's it!

-No! Right, she's alone, right?

I'm looking after her since you won't.

Stop it. Please.

You're Miranda Quantock?

-Are you OK?

-What's going on?

There's been an accusation of assault. I'm taking this one in.

I need a statement from you.

-Can I help in any way? That looks painful.

-Yes, thank you.

If that's OK with you, that's OK with me.

Right. Let's go.

I do still need a statement from you.

I'll be there shortly.

-Hi, Jeremy.

-Hi.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Yeah?

-Can I come in?

-Yeah.

Oh, dear. You look like I did last night.

Ah.

-Shall I take those?

-I didn't have one.

Good. I wouldn't have blamed you if you had.

I would. My track record isn't great with that kind of thing.

Join the club!

No. It's worse than most.

Just for once in my life. I wanted to prove I could resist...

Who cares? It's just sugar!

-Get some perspective!

-You were listening?

Oh, please. After the spectacle you just made of yourself...

-Zara...

-Actually, do you mind butting out?

And could you be a dear and get Daniel some ibuprofen?

He's prone to headaches.

Thanks.

-I was just teasing.

-Were you?

I thought you were putting pressure on me so I'd go

-to your wine tasting thing.

-No!

Well...

probably.

OK, so the good news is it's not broken.

-But you may end up with a black eye.

-Perfect!

-It's slightly awkward. You being her..

-Midwife?

Oh, come on, Jeremy, I don't take sides. I'm here to help you.

You don't believe me?

I'm sure Miranda's told you. She's told everyone.

I'm the villain of the piece.

But you're not really a villain, are you?

Look, I've put years into this place.

Why should I just stand by and watch it fall apart?

You believe that's what she wants?

-I think she has other priorities.

-The baby?

The baby that's not yours.

She doesn't even know who the father is!

So, no, it's not an issue, but thank you anyway.

That's got to hurt quite a lot.

Especially after everything.

You're actually the first person who's...

It's OK to be upset.

Maybe it's possible that this hurt, your hurt...

it's causing some of this, that's happening here?

You think I'm punishing her?

No. I'm just wondering that...

since you can't be involved with one baby that...

What? I'm taking away her other baby?

No. It is not personal.

I know.

You're lucky he decided not to press charges.

I know.

I'm sorry.

It's not really me you should be apologising to.

-More water?

-Thank you.

A bit of a come down from your fancy bar.

My penance. Obviously.

-Hey. This is my friend, Seb.

-Seb. Daniel.

-Hey.

Zara. Hi.

-You work with Ayesha?

-We wouldn't be here otherwise.

It's nice to meet one of Ayesha's friends from outside

work for a change. What do you do?

I teach Be-Box-A-Lula.

What's that?

-Fitness instructor.

-Ah.

You may as well leave those.

I'm obviously a mess.

I don't mind.

What you said before about me needing someone

to take care of me...

I don't.

I know.

But I want to.

Ever since...

Ever since you started confiding in me...

..I've been having these feelings.

-If I'm wrong then...

-No. I've been feeling something, too.

I've just been so busy, I haven't stopped to...

The midwife said I might be craving iron...

..but, the thing is, I walk past dirt every day.

You potted these plants only a week ago.

It's you.

So, you feel the same way?

Yeah.

And I think the baby does, too.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Have you got a second?

-I'll...

No. Stay.

I've... I've cancelled the board meeting.

Why? I'm leaving anyway.

Don't. Please. We need you.

I'm sorry if I've been unreasonable. Obviously, it's your company.

I was wrong.

It's been your vision, your ability that's kept us going.

But it's also true that business is slowing.

So, I have a proposition.

That we run the company as joint CEOs.

I'll still run Operations but,

if it's OK, I'll have a greater say in Sales and in broader strategies.

What do you think?

I'm listening.

I make my juice from vegetables rather than fruit.

That way, I avoid the sugar question altogether.

What about sweeteners?

-Beetroot. Carrots.

-Apple?

Definitely. But it's better on the side.

Pectin fibre disintegrates when you blend it.

Seb seems to know a lot about pectin.

Honey's good in small doses, or bee pollen.

-Bee pollen?

-OK. That's it.

Does anybody want another drink?

Let me. What's everyone having?

-Water.

-Gin. Large.

-Nothing for me.

I'll give you a hand.

They seem really nice. Especially Daniel.

And what's-her-name? The quiet one?

OK, here's the thing. Zara's a moody cow.

Daniel's all right, but pretty boring. You know Emma already.

And me? I'm horny as hell.

So?

I can't see you. You're not my only client, you know.

So, where is he taking you. Somewhere fancy?

Just the Icon.

Oh, I was going to go to Icon at lunchtime.

-What's wrong?

-I'm not very good at this.

-Is anyone?

I'm here to see the practice manager.

Actually, we are closed for lunch.

I want to make a complaint.