Nearest Relative Doctors

And I want rid!

That's not within your gift.

My "gift"? Listen to yourself!

-They're mine.

-They're ruined.

That's for me to decide!

They're old and ruined. You've ruined them!

You don't want them,

you just can't stand the thought of anyone else having them.

-Now give them here.

-I shall not.

-You shall.

You shall. You shall!

Or you shall go to hell.

What are you doing?

It is causing too much distress.

But you can't just take it down.

Especially today of all days.

Today?

-MUTTERS TO HIMSELF:

-Just stick to what the patients tell you.

Only speak when you're spoken to.

Use humour, keep it light, stop getting too deep.

-You're not doing that on my account?

-No, she's not.

Actually, I'm kind of glad to see the back of it.

I didn't think about it the once while I was away.

And you come back, and it's staring me in the face. Death!

-Dr Reid, we were not expecting you in today.

-No.

If you're doing that on my account,

you really don't need to bother.

What?

What?

There's a lot of bruising.

Chasing after her!

-He never could find his way around.

-You could be doing this.

I could, I should, probably.

I just get so busy.

-Busier than a nurse?

-I didn't say that.

She doesn't even need to make this trip at all.

Oh, come on, it's the highlight of your week.

The only human contact I get.

And now that I'm here...

HE GROANS

Is this really necessary?

You know that it is.

Right, and you, Lottie.

I think I've lost.

Lost your marbles!

A few pounds. Stone even.

In your dreams.

You should be encouraging her.

Yeah, but not to live in cloud-cuckoo-land.

"Cuckoo"?! You're the one that likes the triangles.

The what?

The chocolate? Swiss.

And you've eaten them out of cheese.

Even the holes!

-Jack Sprat could eat no fat...

-Don't start this...

..his wife could eat no lean...

And I'm the one who should be listening to myself?

..Between the two of them, they licked the platter clean.

-HE GRUMBLES

-Right.

Well, you're both at risk of diabetes.

I doubt that. It'd already have happened.

-Well, I think you both need to make some lifestyle changes.

-I have.

-Like what?

-I'm doing t'ai chi.

-Since when?

-Since...

-Yes?

-Since, since, since.

You're right about the lifestyle changes.

I'm leaving you!

How could I forget?

Yes, well...

you're not the only one who has forgotten something.

-Or deliberately neglected to pass it on.

-What?

I have had a call from the university

about a sexism initiative.

And?

It should have been implemented at the start of the academic year,

two weeks ago, and there is no record of it anywhere.

-Anthony.

-I can only assume that he has deleted it.

But is it he who is being accused of mismanagement? No.

No-one's accusing you.

We have already missed one course.

The final one is in a week.

We need to send a delegate

but I have scoured the rota and no-one is free.

Still after all these months, he undermines me!

I'll do it.

Thank you. But, no, you cannot.

You are working all day at the police station.

Then I'll find another way.

DOOR CLOSES

-Are you sure about this?

-I've never been more certain.

Don't you want to think about it?

-You saw what he's like. Would you have stayed?

-Me?

Exactly. I've been putting up with it for years. Well, no more!

Where are you going to go?

Things have a way of happening.

-Not things like finding somewhere to stay.

-I shall stay in the park.

-You can't.

-I can and I shall.

Anywhere but here. I'll stay with a friend.

What friend?

I'll make one.

Don't you just think we should think this through.

There's nothing to think. I've had enough.

This is a rebirth.

A re-me. A clear out.

A makeover. Call it what you will.

-Where are you going now?

-The shop.

Shop?

The one I manage. I'll stay there.

-How you going to get there?

-I'll walk.

-With all those bags?

I'll find help. Someone'll help.

-You had to put your oar in, didn't you?

-Excuse me?

-Can't you see she's ill?

-Ill how?

-She doesn't know her own mind!

-She seemed pretty sure.

Because you agreed with her.

Because you think that she's right. That she SHOULD go.

I'm just going to go and check on her.

-So, how far is it, then, this shop?

-A 15-minute walk.

-Lottie, are you sure about this?

-Of course not. Would you be?

-Well, then, maybe we should go back inside?

-In there? Never.

I've escaped.

I'm finally out.

So, you have been thinking about this for a while then?

-For the last 30 years.

-So, why didn't you do something sooner?

I couldn't. He would have chased me. Caught me.

Brought me back. Now he can't chase anyone.

-Because of his leg?

-Exactly!

Oh! I've never felt more alive! Never!

Well, you can't carry those bags all the way there.

I'll manage just fine.

Come on, I'll give you a lift on the way back to the Mill.

Kevlar?

Kevlar and leather throughout.

And it's got an arm rest?

I always wanted a car with an arm rest.

-Cup holders? Are the seats heated?

-Yeah.

I had a mate with a car with a heated driver's seat,

only you got stuck on so you felt like you'd wet yourself...

-Well, thankfully, I haven't felt that.

-No!

And electronic presets

-so it remembers each driver's specific settings.

-Yeah.

-Wow...

-Emma...

-Please. Come on, now.

I'm just showing it to you

so that you can see I'm not moping around.

Definitely not. It's awesome.

Yes. It is, isn't it?

-So, what's your drive like?

-It certainly takes you out of yourself.

-HE LAUGHS

-Takes your mind off Howard?

KNOCK AT DOOR Come in.

You wanted to see me?

Yes, close the door.

I have just had a call from Mr Pryor.

-He's worried about his wife.

-Now he's worried.

-Perhaps it might be worth speaking to Mrs Pryor?

-Why?

He's threatening to make a formal complaint.

That's all he does...complain. It's no wonder she left.

He also said Mrs Pryor's behaving unpredictably.

He's concerned for her mental health.

If he's so worried, why didn't he say something before?

I am not sure.

But if you are happy that every protocol

has been followed, then I have every faith in you.

-But it is my duty to tell you about that phone call.

-Right.

Thank you.

DOOR CLOSES

SHE SIGHS

'Sexism?'

She does realise that we have work to do?

That there are patients to cure?

-Oh, yeah. Your ten o'clock patient has cancelled.

-Course they have.

-I thought you'd be pleased.

-Well, I'm not.

This is just another ridiculous scheme. It's a distraction.

There's one thing which is supposed to distract me,

and that's the patients,

and then, they can't even be bothered to turn up!

If it's not sexism, it's "stop smoking" or "stop eating sugar".

She can't stop you eating sugar.

Damn right, she can't.

And she can't force me to go to some conference on sexism.

I'm not a sexist, that's one thing I can't give up.

You don't feel like going, just to help her out?

-Why would I do that?

-Anthony's dropped her in it

by not telling anyone the initiative's running.

An "initiative"?

No, no, no, no.

Initiative is what you do off your own back.

You SHOW initiative, you realise that something has to change,

and so, you change it yourself. You're not forced into it,

you're not cajoled, you're not downright browbeaten.

Whoa! Have you given up smoking?

-Is that what this is about?

-Don't be absurd.

-What then?

HE SIGHS

Sugar. OK?

Given up sugar.

Seriously?

After going on and on about how Mrs Tembe talking about it

-was just a waste of time... you've given up sugar?

-Yep.

And you don't feel like going on the course as a way of thanking her?

No!

No, I do not feel like thanking her.

I feel like throttling her.

Looking her in the eye and telling her she has ruined my life.

That she is pure evil. How about that for initiative, eh?

-Right, then.

-Good talk.

-Yeah, good talk.

HE EXHALES

(Find a happy place...)

-I've never felt more alive.

-You said.

-And it's all because of you.

-Hardly.

I'd never have dared.

But today, I feel so inspired.

And what about other days? Other days when you feel down, as well?

Living with the Ayatollah, what do you think?

-Is he really that bad?

-Worse. Some days, I can't stand it.

And what do you do on those days?

Well, since I've found t'ai chi, t'ai chi.

-And before?

-I grun and beared it.

Grinned and bore it. But no more.

Now, I'm being me.

New clothes, new life, new body.

'Seriously, we need to keep an eye on this type of thing.'

It sounds more like a box-ticking exercise.

It isn't.

And why does it have to be a man? Can't it be a woman?

Isn't that sexist in itself?

No, not really. Can Zara do it?

No, she's having her hair done. Had it booked for weeks.

Do let me know when you plan to ask her to rearrange,

-I'd like to see that.

-Can you do it?

No. And why would I want to?

I can't think of a single scenario where I'd feel uncomfortable

with a woman alone in a consulting room.

-(Ask him?

-I have.)

Al?

I'm busy.

Already asked him.

And I've asked him.

-Is Emma here? I've just seen her car.

-You should try sitting in it.

She's in her consulting room.

Has anyone checked in on her? See how she's doing?

Great.

-There you go.

-Ruhma?

-Or Emma?

-I did feel awful forgetting about Howard,

but when I went to see her to apologise, she was fine.

Showed me her car.

It was more her making me feel better than the other way around.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Come in?

Can I come in?

I am...a bit busy.

We weren't expecting you to come in today.

No.

Well, you know what it's like.

Take a day off and suddenly you're buried in work...

Yeah.

Listen, do you want to grab some lunch?

I know I could do with some after the day I've had.

-SHE SIGHS

-Are you OK?

Right, then.

Would either of you be interested in going on a sexism course?

A sexism course?

-Is that the best you can do?

-Sorry?

-I think you should go.

-No, I can't, I've got an FME shift that day.

I think she meant "leave".

OK. Well, if you want to talk...

I'm sorry.

What have you got to be sorry for?

Everything I'm doing today is to try and forget Howard.

It's not working.

I don't want anything else except Howard,

our baby and the life that we should have had.

-Emma, it's bound to feel...

-Yes, I know. I know...

Thanks.

But I'd rather just be on my own.

You've got some lovely stuff.

Yes, thank you.

Happy memories.

And otherwise.

Lottie, who's your GP?

Heston Carter.

The man's all hands.

Dr Carter?

Still waters and all that.

I was thinking it might be an idea to come in and see someone.

Choose something.

Me? No.

Oh, yes, you should.

You're beautiful. A clothes horse.

You should stand in the window.

Why are they always white? The mannequins?

-They're not.

-You and me.

What?

Mannequins of colour and size.

Our new business venture.

Our big idea. Escape.

"Escape"? You said that before. What do you mean, escape?

From our bodies.

Our skin.

Do you know, he's never satisfied me.

Not once.

In all our years of marriage.

Lottie, I do think you need to come in and see someone.

It doesn't have to be Dr Carter...

No time now, love. We've six of these to do.

Come on, then, don't hang about.

Don't tell me you've never undressed a girl before.

But Lottie, you've just dressed her.

Maybe she's a spring, not an autumn at all...

-Is this your doing?

-What?

-Did you call him?

-No.

I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to anyone.

HE SIGHS

SACHET RATTLES

That's it, I've tried everyone.

So, Mr Harker's sabotage succeeds.

And, yet...I cannot help thinking,

today of all days, that Mr Bellamy would have found a solution.

Ah... The Angel Bellamy...

-Dr Haskey, please.

-..sat on a cloud,

getting all concerned about your administrative cock-up.

I did not make an admini...

No.

No, you are right.

As much as I blame Mr Harker, it was my oversight.

And Howard's. He's the one looking after us all, isn't he?

-Oh, Doctor Haskey...

-He's gone, Mrs Tembe. He's gone.

You're worried, because things aren't going your way

but you know what we say when things don't go our way,

-"If at first you don't succeed..."

-Have we tried everyone?

Just Zara and she's having her hair done.

That is a shame. She's always been keen on women's issues

what with the breast-feeding initiative...

-If at first you don't succeed...

-SHE GROANS

..give up!

Or try, try again.

Has she done this before?

She has...episodes.

How often?

Not frequently.

She gets...ideas...

then, when she needs me, calls.

What else has she done?

I don't know.

She goes, calls, I pick her up.

I don't know where she's been or what she's done.

I had no idea. All these clothes.

And it's not the first time.

She's brought bags of stuff down before?

Never as many. Then, she hasn't had help from anyone before.

Well, what else could I do, leave her in the street?

I think she might need some proper help from someone now.

That's why I'm here. Where is she?

Out the back.

Right.

Oh, no...!

The FME's out on another job and I've got afternoon surgery.

So, Dr Reid has gone to the police station.

I think she's just glad to be doing something.

I understand how she feels.

Listen, how would you feel about two delegates

going to the sexism course?

She's safe, that's all that matters.

Archie, the police found her and she's safe.

-And what if they hadn't?!

-But they did.

What would have happened to her?

Right, Mrs Pryor, what did I tell you?

Your husband's come to pick you up.

I don't want him. I want YOU.

I know you do but I've told you, I'm taken. The doctor's on her way.

-Doctor? What for?

-Just to have a little chat. See what happened.

You'll stop me doing my t'ai chi!

-Naked! I'll stop you doing it naked.

-You will not.

-I will.

-Then prove it.

Hang on, Lottie...

I don't know a lot about naked t'ai chi, but...

..I don't think this is the right place for it.

So, you were looking at the notification board...?

And I saw that Mr Gresty had died.

"Chesty" Gresty?

And?

Don't tell me someone's complained?

-No.

-I'm not surprised, really.

It's not as though he had any children.

I was the nearest he ever got to a woman.

Me and Emma.

You'd find yourself saying,

"There is nothing wrong with your chest, Mr Gresty."

-And he'd say...

-"Yours isn't bad either."

THEY CHUCKLE

Maybe he was just lonely?

That's hardly my concern.

You are not suggesting I go to the funeral?

No, I was just thinking...

you and Emma, are both experienced doctors

but how would, say, a young, female student doctor cope with

a patient who had just come in to...

..ogle her?

Carry on.

I'm listening.

Thank you. ..Hello. I'm Dr Reid. Emma.

I've not been drinking, if that's what you think.

No, I didn't think that you had.

But have you taken any drugs at all?

I had some Ginkgo biloba from the maidenhair tree.

Oh, Ginkgo biloba, right!

-Anything else?

-No.

Lottie...

You don't mind if I call you "Lottie"?

Lottie, can you tell me what day of the week it is?

Funday.

-THEY LAUGH

-Right.

Do you know what month it is?

April is the cruellest month.

October.

Good.

And do you know what year it is?

20-something.

Remember 20-something.

Good.

Lottie, if it's all right with you, I'd like to do some tests.

Just to rule a few things out.

Oh, I rule nothing out.

Nothing at all.

What kind of things?

Diabetes. UTI.

Dementia?

Possibly.

It could be any number of things causing it.

You did mention diabetes this morning.

And infections can affect people in strange ways.

Like my leg.

I get so bad-tempered!

That's probably what it is, then.

A urinary tract infection?

Let's wait and see, eh?

Right.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Yeah.

Dr Granger, I was wondering if you had time

-for an emergency appointment?

-With you?

Yes, it is my back. It is bothering me again.

-I couldn't help remembering the way you massaged me before.

-Did I?

It was some time ago,

but the memory still remains.

-Shall I close the door?

-No...

It will not take long.

-No, Mrs Tembe...

-What is the matter?

What if...someone comes in?

And, yet, you cannot imagine a scenario

where you would feel awkward

-alone in your consulting room with a woman?

-Jimmi Clay?

Well, your preliminary tests have come back fine.

So, there's nothing physically wrong.

He touched me.

Who did?

The policeman.

Spoke to me.

-Well, he's very kind.

-When he wants to be. Or he can be cruel.

What did he actually say?

That he'd cuff me.

Sergeant Hollins did?

Strip-search me.

Lottie, I think it would be a good idea

for you to talk to someone about all this.

I can talk to you. To Nurse Lee.

Yes.

But I think you should talk to somebody

who specialises in cases like yours.

Someone who wants to stop my t'ai chi?

Only stop you doing it naked in the park.

That's not allowed, Lottie.

No, because of the park keepers.

They can't control themselves.

The litter pickers.

I like a man in uniform,

but I draw the line at doctors.

So, thank you, but if it's all the same, I'd rather not.

Lottie!

Let's wait in here, shall we?

You hound!

She hound!

-No, Lottie.

-Thieves in the night.

Take me away. Do with me as you will.

I'm not going to take you anywhere, Mrs Pryor.

Lottie, I really think we need to go to hospital.

You'd like that, wouldn't you? Have the sergeant to yourself.

We just want what's best for you.

In my clothes! In my shop! In my house!

-ALL EXCLAIM

-No, no!

It's fine. I'm fine.

You're not fine, though, are you?

-Has this happened before?

-No...

Lottie, did you hit Archie?

Of course she didn't!

Is that how he got the bruises?

Well, he had to learn.

Spare the rod. Stair rod.

If a stick doesn't work!

Lottie, I really think you need to be assessed properly at hospital.

No. I can look after her.

But you can't, can you? You can't give me what he can.

We would much rather that you went to hospital voluntarily.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, if she doesn't, then I have to find another doctor

-to discuss it with...

-Discuss what?

Under the Mental Health Act, Section 4...

-You want to section her?

-Section me?

If you don't go voluntarily, Lottie, then, yes.

And what if you can't find another doctor?

Then I have to ask the "nearest relative"

to support the application.

And...if I say no?

I think I'd just rather go home.

Can we go home now, please?

Can't you just...

take me home?

-Do you think they'll be all right?

-I don't know.

-I suppose, at least St Phil's has got a good psych.

-So they say.

Guess I'll find out next week when I go and change Archie's dressing.

You never know, Lottie might be doing it.

-Jimmi dropped by earlier.

-Things awkward?

No, he just irritates me.

It's not his fault. Everybody does.

They're all caught up in their own little worlds.

-At least with Archie and Lottie, I had something to do.

-You were great.

But when I'm not here...

I just...feel like I'm drifting.

You're not.

There's no reason to anything that I do.

Emma, you've got everything going for you.

It's all just distractions.

-Yeah, but at least they're nice ones.

-True.

SHE CHUCKLES

All yours or has anyone else scored a hit?

-Why would you say that? What is wrong with you?

-Good question.

If I had to diagnose, I'd say a it was like

a perfect-storm combination

of self-loathing and self-love.

At the moment, self-loathing appears to be winning.

-You said you wanted to do something for me.

-Of course. Anything.

Take it back.

-Your car?

-Mm-hm. The address is on there.

What do I do?

Take it back.

But what if she doesn't mean it?

She doesn't mean it, does she?

She's not thinking straight. She doesn't know what she wants.

-I'll go and talk to her.

-No, no, no...

At least give her till home time to change her mind.

Then, if she doesn't. Take that nice car back.

Excuse me,

I need to talk to you about this sexism conference...

-It is too late...

-I have no intention of going,

I just want to tell you what a load of old cobblers it is.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah, like most of your harebrained schemes.

I do not do harebrained schemes!

Your health-and-safety drives, your fire-drill nonsense...

-Dr Haskey...

-And the latest and not-so-greatest,

the sugar syndrome.

Dr Haskey, I am sorry...

I have been irascible, irrational, confrontational...

You have always been all of those things...

...but my concentration,

my energy levels, my downright quad-core Haskeyness

has been through the roof.

With a mind like mine,

who knows what I could now achieve.

-Give me some sugar.

-SHE MUTTERS

Good sugar.

-EMMA:

-'No, I understand...'

Do you? I'm at the dealership. They'll buy the car back,

but for half of what she paid for it. Half!

How's that going to help Emma? What should I do? Help me, please.

Thing is...

I can't really talk right now.

-Kirsty...?

-Help me! I've missed my bus!

-What am I going to do?

-Wait for the next one?

Oh... Barney hasn't turned up for school.

Oh, I'm sorry,

Valerie's in meetings all afternoon.

-Where is he?

-Upstairs.

Karen...

We need to talk first.