Credo Doctors

CLATTERING

Hello?

GLASS SMASHES

Is somebody here?

RUNNING FOOTSTEPS

Bishop Williams, I'm sorry to disturb you.

We've had a break-in at the community centre.

DOOR OPENS

DOOR CLOSES

Er, no. Not that bad.

PEOPLE CHATTER

Hello, welcome.

Good night to be inside, isn't it?

Matthew, I'm so sorry but we've had a break-in and the room's a mess.

-Oh, no!

-Could you use the other one, just for tonight?

Yeah, of course. Do you need a hand clearing up?

No, no. Your group's more important.

Probably shouldn't touch anything until the police arrive anyway.

Are you here for the thing?

Um, I was. Just not sure it's my kind of thing.

Yeah. Me neither.

Well, we're here now. Nothing to lose, eh?

Sorry, guys. We're going to be in this room tonight.

If you'd like to follow me?

I will if you will.

OK, then!

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hello, police!

-Hello, anybody home?

-Coming, yep!

That was quick.

Yeah. Father Kaminski?

Karel Kaminski, yes.

I'm Sergeant Hollins, this is PC Green.

Right. So, what's happened?

Right, thank you all for coming and a very warm welcome to you.

Apologies for the change of venue,

but St Bernadette's heating isn't working.

She must be freezing, bless her.

Luckily for us, Our Lady has stepped into the breach.

Father Karel has got his hands full at the moment,

otherwise I know he'd have popped in to say hello,

so you'll have to make do with me, I'm afraid.

My name is Matt.

Now, the Vita course is non-denominational

and is held by a different community group each week.

In case you're wondering what you've got yourself into, don't worry.

We don't force anything down anyone's throat.

Apart from coffee.

All we actually do is, we encourage open discussion about life,

the universe, everything, really.

So, please feel free to share your thoughts about anything

and everything you want to air.

So, just to get us into the spirit of things,

I thought we'd start with a fun exercise.

So, which one item would you bring to a desert island?

Who'd like to start?

Right, what's everyone up to tonight?

Just whatever, aren't we?

Yeah.

New trainers.

Then maybe watch another Star Wars later.

-Attack Of The Clones.

-Mm.

Oh. OK.

Any offers?

Come on, be brave.

My old story books from when I was a kid?

-Including Robinson Crusoe!

-Interesting.

It's probably why I got into history.

My mum used to read them to me all the time.

Great. How about you? Any thoughts?

Um...

Soap.

LAUGHTER

You were at the school governors' meeting till when, did you say?

It was about 6.45.

6.45.

Did anyone know that, did anyone know that the centre was unattended?

It's hard to tell. Probably.

As far as you know, nothing has been taken?

Just your usual, mindless destruction, eh?

As far as I can tell.

Well, you know what? I'm going to make a guess here and say that

-it's probably kids at a loose end.

-Yeah, I'm sure.

We shouldn't even be wasting your time on something like this,

with so many more serious crimes you could be investigating.

No, no, I'm not saying it's not important.

A crime is a crime, and we investigate them all,

whether they be major or minor.

Right. Of course.

Ah, there you are.

-We're just splitting into smaller discussion groups.

-Right.

I was concerned we'd lost you already.

Yeah. I'm not sure it's for me.

Everybody has doubts.

Listen, sorry, what I said about the soap.

Why? They do say it's next to godliness.

I... I didn't know what else to say.

Probably not what you're looking for anyway.

There are no right answers here. We're a dogma-free zone.

We're a calm place for people to realise they're not alone

-in having questions. It's Jimmi, right?

-Mm.

OK, we'll be in contact if there's anything to report.

Either you or the bishop, I don't mind.

-Oi, stop!

-Excuse me.

It's all about breathability, if your feet are in them all day.

PHONE BEEPS Mushrooms?

Oh, just a text from a mate.

Bumped into her on a date night with Seb.

You don't want them getting all sweaty!

Reckons we look the business together.

I was just asking about mushrooms for the shopping.

-She reckons he's got amazing...

-Chicken thighs...

-What?

No...

Oh! No, ta.

Oh, I always thought you looked like a woman

who'd enjoy a good coq au vin.

-Muscle tone, Emma, is what I was trying to say.

-Oh.

So, are you now thinking that he might be the one?

Well, he's the one taking me to dinner on Friday night.

I don't know, lots of people just think we fit.

Oh, yeah. But not like these bad boys.

290 quid on a pair of trainers?!

Are you insane?

Come on!

Oh, come on!

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Yes, Sergeant Hollins.

Caught him?

Yeah! Cos I'm worth it!

They are designer!

-290 quid?

-Yeah!

-That's like 145 quid a foot!

-So?

-Are they made by NASA?

-No!

Got hover jets built in?

-They're limited edition!

-Too right!

Cos the amount of muppets with that much more money than sense

-must be seriously limited.

-Ha-ha(!)

Mind you, you can get any old cobblers on the internet

these days, can't you? And any number of mugs to buy it.

Add to basket.

Red or white?

Red!

Oh, that reminds me.

I need to pull the trigger on that mink push-up bra

-I've been looking at all day.

-Buy now.

It's a steal at £3,000!

1,500 quid a boob.

Enter payment details.

-Look, they do boy pants, too.

-Confirm.

Go on, Sid. Treat your knackers!

I mean, it's only money, isn't it?

Yeah! My money, my trainers.

What?! No! My phone!

-No, sorry, you're not having it.

-What?!

-Payment declined!

It's for your own good!

No!

No! I'll fight you for it.

Do you want a smacked arm? I will!

Thanks for coming in, Father.

We have Aidan Corbyn, aged 15,

who was apprehended fleeing the premises.

He's not previously known to us, but I gather he is to you?

He claims he was a regular at the church and the community centre,

and he was there to see you.

Yes. He certainly has been a regular in the past.

But you weren't expecting him tonight?

And you weren't expecting him to do a runner when he saw us?

And he's asking for me?

Yeah, well, quite bizarrely, he said that his parents are away

in Africa somewhere, on safari, incommunicado.

He's being looked after by his uncle,

who can't be here because he's on a business trip.

But I've spoken to him and he says that he knows you,

and he's happy for you to stand in.

You don't have to do that, but we were just thinking

it could possibly help him see the light, so to speak.

Yes. Yeah, of course. I can talk to him.

Perhaps alone would be best? Just to start with?

Er, yeah, OK. We'll just leave the door open.

And faith touches our lives in all kinds of ways, wouldn't you say?

We all have faith that the sun will come up tomorrow,

and the world will keep turning.

We believe those things without question.

But when people choose to believe in a higher power,

a greater plan, that can be surprising.

Maybe it's a brain thing.

We're programmed to look for patterns, make sense of chaos.

We want to believe there's something else, that we're not alone.

Good point.

But if so many different people believe in the same thing,

maybe there is more to it.

But why does it have to be God?

In the past, people might've consulted the Shaman, or the Oracle.

It's the internet nowadays.

People ask search engines all sorts of existential questions

they wouldn't ask their family or their friends or their God.

At least search engines have mottos like "don't be evil", don't they?

There's all kinds of brutality carried out in the name of God.

But you couldn't say that God caused those acts though, could you?

Aidan.

I haven't seen you in church recently.

Youth club hasn't been the same.

But you've been in my thoughts and prayers.

You know, anything you say is just between us.

I can't and won't repeat it.

You can tell me anything.

I promise I'll try to help.

OK.

You tell them I didn't do it.

Not to press any charges.

I'm... I'm not sure I can.

-If that would be a lie...

-Doesn't matter if it is or not.

You tell them I didn't do it or...

..I'll tell them about you.

How you touched me.

GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS

Anyway, whatever the good and bad things about faith,

I suppose a search engine isn't much comfort in a crisis.

You're not going to find one on a desert island either!

MUSIC CONTINUES

Haven't heard that in ages.

My grandmother used to play it. She used to take me out to the Gower.

Reminds me of my mum.

Chapel through and through.

She didn't drag you along, then?

She died when I was eight.

Oh, no!

Sorry.

Must have been awful.

Car accident. It was just one of those things.

I remember after the funeral,

everyone coming back to the house, there was this blur of people

walking past me, telling me she'd gone to see God.

I'm sure they meant well, but I was just eight, you know.

I remember thinking, "What does he want with her?

"I need her more than he does."

So your dad brought you up?

Yeah, kind of.

Things weren't the same after that.

It was a long time ago, though. Life goes on.

Aidan, please. You can't...

You don't think they'll just believe...

Yeah. Don't you watch the news?

Every day, there's another one outed, even if they can't prove it.

Mud sticks, doesn't it?

Aidan, no...

What's the bishop going to think then, eh? Or anyone else?

It's not even my decision. The bishop...

Then talk to him!

Aidan, you don't want to do this. I know you don't.

Please just tell me what I can say.

I don't give a stuff what you say, just what you do!

Everything OK? What's going on?

I can't say. I can't, it's confidential.

You do know that we will be interviewing Aidan?

I'm sorry, I just have to make a call.

-Just hand it over.

-No!

You'll buy them and con yourself into thinking they're worth it!

Unwise in the art of deal-finding are you, young cyber-virgin?

You're not going to find a better deal!

-Right.

-I'm trying to help you out here!

-No-one asked you to!

-PHONE BEEPS

Why don't you mind your own business?

It's just Seb wittering on about Friday.

I think this is a little bit more important.

-Fine! It's your own time you're wasting, you know!

-Yeah?

Yeah.

Auction. £45, same trainers. Ten minutes left.

Now who's wasting time?

Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

You're here for the meeting?

Yes. We're on a break. Things can be a bit intense.

Our relationship with God can be the most profound of our lives.

Yeah. Or not.

At the moment, I'm struggling to see what's in it for me. You know?

I suppose I could give you something

out of my boys' book of trite axioms.

But perhaps the truth is, we have to find our own answers.

My own is that we get what one gets from any profound relationship.

Hope...

of something better, that the world can be better.

That we can be.

I'm sorry, there's something I have to do.

I can't find them.

They're under the wrong category, which is why they're cheap.

Do a general search.

PHONE BEEPS

Tyler says, "Pretty, please. You know you want to!"

Oh, yeah? You know you want to what?

Nothing! Been texting me nonsense all day.

Anyway, executive decision made,

7pm, Friday night, El Toro Valiente with Seb.

And bid!

I need an account first!

-No!

-All right, it's only a pair of trainers.

No, it's the thing! The thing has lost my order!

Oh, my... It's actually like I'm living in the stone age.

Right, send.

-Restart your browser.

-My trainers!

-Your shopping will be stored in your cookies.

-Come on, three, two...

Time for a nice bath, I think.

What?! Did you get them or not?

Sniped it. 63 quid, including delivery.

Call me the guru, you must.

Well, it's there if you want it anyway, mate. All right?

-Definitely seems more angry than anything.

-Yeah.

PHONE BEEPS

Will you turn that to silent?

Keeps asking when Father Karel's coming back.

Like he was worried about it?

I did some digging.

I found a complaint by the parents of Kieran Turner, same age as Aidan,

went to the same church youth group about six months ago.

They complained of unwanted advances by somebody,

but they wouldn't say who. The complaints were dropped

after they'd spoken to a certain Father Karel Kaminski.

CID spoke to him and he denied all knowledge.

Right, so our boy breaks into the community centre.

Angry kid. Acting alone.

Yeah. Was it mindless violence, or was he trying to prove a point?

He did break the cross.

Maybe he was trying to send a message,

and maybe our priest picked up on that message -

he did try and back-pedal about reporting it.

-He did, didn't he?

-Yeah. I thought he reacted funnily

when I mentioned his name. He wanted to speak to him alone, he's done a runner,

and I'm sure he was trying to cover up something on his hand with these.

-It's all circumstantial...

-So far.

Father, speak of the devil.

I thought we might have to come looking for you.

Oh! Yes, of course.

Your hand looks sore. What happened?

-Just tidying. Cleaning.

-Oh, yeah?

-You know what they say about cleanliness.

-I do indeed.

So, your urgent business, is it done and dusted?

Yes. So, could I finish talking to Aidan?

He has been asking.

Yes, you can.

But this time we'll sit in, we don't want anything to get out of control.

This is not a formal interview, Aidan.

Father Kaminski just wants to finish off the chat

you were having earlier, if that's OK with you?

Aidan, I'm sorry I had to leave.

But I'm here now to help, I promise.

I know you probably feel that you're alone in all this.

The first to feel the way you feel.

But you're not.

You know, I was young, angry with the whole world.

Lost.

So?

So, I was angry with myself.

Hated myself.

Couldn't understand why I had to feel what I felt for other men.

And I fought my feelings, my faith. Myself.

Sometimes, it's still a struggle even now.

The same feelings, longing, loneliness, as anyone else.

But we all have our own crosses to bear.

So, that's why, when I see other young people

suffering similar struggles, my instinct is to reach out.

Listen. Share that burden.

And I saw that Aidan needed help.

But sometimes, when I feel my hand, offered in friendship

and the love of God, has been misinterpreted as something more,

I have to pull back to not confuse things further.

So, when Aidan came to me, I couldn't reach out, I couldn't...

But then, of course, I risked that young person, you,

Aidan, feeling rejected, or condemned.

-Shut up! You're lying.

-Whoa!

I never touched Kieran, but he told his everyone that I did!

-I know you didn't.

-I'm not gay!

-The last thing I'd have wanted

was for you to leave the Church altogether when you needed it most.

-I'm not gay!

-When I just want to help.

Because I know the hardest thing can be facing oneself.

OK, guys, I'm going to start winding down soon,

but before I do, I want to leave you with one last question.

Now, this is something you don't have to answer now,

it's food for thought, something to chew over until next week,

assuming you're not all going to be running for the hills after tonight.

If you could ask God one question, what would it be?

Don't you get sick of people asking you all these questions?

Is it tricky with your son having a birthday at Christmas?

OK, I guess... Why are we here?

-The coffee?

-It's definitely not the coffee!

Just so I am absolutely clear,

it was you that Kieran Turner's mum and dad complained about?

I was just trying to talk to him. About me.

-I wasn't...

-I know, and it was just talk between friends, nothing more.

But he took it all the wrong way.

Turned on me.

Teenage boys protecting their own fragile egos.

We all know how easy it is for things to be misunderstood,

distorted.

Would you like me talk to your family?

No! They won't understand. Won't want to.

They might surprise you. I could help them understand, accept.

I'll leave it to you.

But, like they say, the truth can set you free.

It was me, the break-in.

Right.

But in a manner of speaking, he was there to see me,

as he said.

So, perhaps it's more my fault, for not anticipating.

I could have left some keys, especially on such a cold night.

He did make a lot of mess, though?

Perhaps he tripped in the dark?

I suppose that could happen.

And as you said yourself, nothing was taken.

I'm just sorry we've wasted so much of your time.

But if I talk to the bishop,

make sure that the complaint is withdrawn...

-If you're sure?

-I'm sure.

I've always preferred the stories that end in redemption

rather than retribution.

Right.

So, I'll let the custody sergeant know.

Get in!

-Well, we survived.

-Yeah!

What do you think?

Um... I haven't decided whether it's my kind of thing yet.

Thanks, guys. Thanks for coming!

I thought some interesting stuff came up.

Yeah, yeah, it was interesting.

I'm sorry about Father Karel,

you know, circumstances beyond our control and that.

What was his role again, how would it be different?

He would have just popped in to say hello, help out with the coffee.

Oh, it's a shame we missed him, then.

Yeah, sorry about that.

I need all the help I can get in that department.

-Still, we live in hope! That wasn't a hint by the way!

-No!

So, the big question is,

has the appalling quality of coffee put you off for good?

No.

Erm... No.

We live in hope, don't we?

Sorry.

I was just looking for someone to blame.

Anyone.

Oh, at last!

They should be here by the end of the next week!

Oh, how will you manage until then? PHONE BEEPS

What is it?

Tyler says, "You're on! See you Friday!"

She must have sent him the text instead of Seb!

She's got a date with Tyler!

Oh, dear me.

I'd better go and tell her.

Or you could not.

What?

-We can't do that.

-Can't do what?

Interfere in her private life, that she's trying to keep secret?

Yeah, but I kind of owe her. She just saved me 227 quid!

Yes, for your own good.

And this is for her own good.

How is it?

Come on, you've seen her.

She's bored to tears with action-figure Seb.

You've seen how she giggles when she gets a text from Tyler,

at least he's got a sense of humour.

-Maybe it's fate.

-But...

Besides which, she's the guru.

She's obviously done it accidentally on purpose.

Leave it to a higher power, we must.

Now, this really is rather unpleasant.

Up-skirting.

Camera, up-skirting photo.

What do you want, exactly? Do you want some more?!

You're just loving this, aren't you?

You and your clan have got your claws into some fresh meat!

I beg your pardon?!

She agreed to have sex.

Did you pay her?