The Last Dance Doctors

RADIO: You Really Got Me by The Kinks

Toast.

Oh. Fine with a little scrape.

# You really got me going

# You got me so I don't know what I'm doing

# Yeah, you really got me now

# You got me so I can't sleep at night

# Yeah, you really got me now

# You got me so I don't know what I'm doing

# Oh, yeah, you really got me now

# You got me so I can't sleep at night

# You really got me You really got me... #

Come on, shoes on!

Ah, life-saver.

Every morning...

# I always wanna be by your side... #

I hope the rain holds off.

Don't fancy Haverton Hill in a downpour.

Chris?

Chris?

Christine! Chris!

What? What?

-Ah!

-What?

-Don't do that to me!

HE LAUGHS

What? Can't a girl have a doze off without you getting a coronary?

-If you're too tired, we don't have...

-Don't even think about it, sunshine.

This is our last day of normal and we're going to enjoy it.

Now, Dr Vere's going to be here soon so we can crack on.

So, um, you'd better get that washing-up finished.

SHE LAUGHS

THEY LAUGH

He's the butchest fairy I've ever seen!

-Get out of here! He's so cute!

-Isn't she adorable?

-What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be out on house calls today?

-Yeah, I'm just...

Where did that come from?

Daniel, Mrs Tembe's wondering if you'd like to sit on top of the Christmas tree this year.

So juvenile.

And hardly his best side.

HE LAUGHS

The transport's arranged for tomorrow.

They should be with you before 11.

And it's wheelchair compatible?

Absolutely.

I take it you'll be going along with Chris, just to settle her in?

He'd better. I'm going to need him to sort my room out.

If it was left to her, she'd never have any pictures on the wall,

beds never made...!

I'm sure the staff there will help with that sort of thing.

Yeah, you hear that? I'm going to have staff.

What are you talking about? You've had staff for the last 40 years.

THEY LAUGH

How's everything else? Breathing and swallowing OK?

-Yeah. All tickety-boo.

-Great.

There's a dietician at the nursing home, so if any problems do develop,

just speak to her, and I can arrange an appointment with a speech and language therapist, so...

Right, I'll leave you to your packing, then.

This is our last day together - we're not going to waste it packing.

What's she like?

Anyone would think she was moving to Outer Mongolia,

not just up the road!

Whose stupid idea was it to put the bench up here?

-THEY LAUGH

-Never thought of that, did we?

The exercise'll do you good. You're getting a paunch.

I suppose there's going to come a point one day when we can't manage that walk up here.

When we're old and grey.

And we need walking sticks.

And ear trumpets.

I wonder which one of us'll go first.

You, of course! I'm much fitter and healthier.

I am. I'm going to go on till I'm 90,

then I'm going to go just like that, in my sleep.

-No fuss, no malingering.

-I don't know.

I don't want to go when I'm fit and healthy.

It's like...that's a waste.

I'd rather slowly wind down. That way, I wouldn't mind so much.

I'd mind - I'd be the one having to look after you!

On second thoughts...!

HE LAUGHS

Every time we come up here, it rains.

SHE LAUGHS

Exercise'll do you good. You're getting a paunch.

Oi, cheeky!

I'm probably not going to make it up here again.

Course you will.

Hey, I'll bring you. Whenever you want.

"No-one will be interested," she said. "No-one will care."

Well, look who's wrong.

"Digging the shapely ankles, bro!"

You have friends who call you bro?

Not the point I was making.

I've had four messages and two propositions!

Of the indecent variety, I hope.

Not helping, Zara, OK?

Oh, come on. Don't be so sensitive.

Who cares what some Neanderthal from the golf club thinks?

I think you look sexy.

Sexy?

Yes!

The way that leotard accentuates the contours of your shoulders.

The way those soft, silky tights cling to the taut muscularity of your thighs.

I have an idea.

Why don't we get Joe down early tonight

and then we could play a little dress-up.

I've got a Vivienne Westwood that would look divine on you.

You want me to wear a dress?

Just hearing you say the words...!

MUSIC: You Really Got Me by The Kinks

HE IMITATES GUITAR RIFF

# Girl, you really got me going

# You got me so I don't know what I'm doing

# Oh... # Oh, oh! My knees! I've got to get up!

-You're getting old.

-Oi! Watch it!

Oh, and I've got you the chicken liver parfait to start.

-I wanted the anchovy crostini.

-I know,

and I know Dr Vere said it would be fine,

but I don't want you struggling to swallow.

-I'm not struggling.

-Yeah, but the parfait'll go down easier.

I'm not a child. I'm perfectly capable of ordering what I want to eat.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...

Today was meant to be perfect, wasn't it?

I've been craving anchovies all morning, and now you've just gone and ruined it.

Chris, I'll change it. Look, it's only a starter.

It's NOT only a starter!

Look, tomorrow, I'm going to be in a nursing home surrounded with old people eating nothing but...

nothing but soup, and I won't be with you.

Nothing's going to be the same.

Nothing's ever going to be the same again.

-Hey.

-What you doing for lunch?

Um, I've got two options.

Option one - Hollywood siren Christina Hendriks has invited me on a sexy picnic.

Or option two - I made myself a lettuce sandwich this morning

when I was late for work.

-Probably going to go with the sandwich, out of the two options.

-Or option three - Icon.

-Lunch on me, because I need to talk to you about something.

-Icon?

Uh, Dr Clay.

I have been told that there will be food tomorrow night,

so there is no need to eat beforehand.

I got the e-mail, thank you.

Food will be provided? What's happening tomorrow night?

Er...excuse me.

-What's happening tomorrow night? Where are we going?

-Tell you at lunch.

All right. Enough of the international man of mystery thing.

-Spit it out, Jimmi.

-I'm doing the Vita course.

You're doing the Vita course?

Wow, nothing?

Icon, two o'clock.

Icon, two o'clock.

One crostini on its way.

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

It's your day, it should be perfect.

You know how we always said if things got bad,

if we couldn't communicate, or move or do stuff for ourselves,

how we didn't want to get like that?

Yeah, but that's a long way off.

Maybe, but it's no longer a hypothetical conversation.

Don't be daft. You can still do loads of things.

No, Eric, I can still do some things.

But that list is getting shorter.

I still want warm toasted bread, with garlic and olive oil.

Not pate.

And then...soup.

And then a feeding tube.

I just thought today was going to be a perfect send-off.

And it has. It's been lovely, don't get me wrong.

But, um, it's all going to get harder, isn't it?

You won't be able to turn up and take me out to the cinema

or to Connie's bench whenever I feel like it.

You'll have to organise transport and sign me out.

OK.

Look, we'll find a way of keeping you at home.

Get some more help.

Dr Vere'll help ask for extra home care.

Sweetheart, you can't lift me now.

Your back's gone and your knees are going in the same direction.

I'm going to need round-the-clock care, and I can't get that at home.

Look, every time we talk about this, we always say the same thing, don't we?

WE don't want to get like that.

Well, I am getting like that.

And now we need to discuss the alternative.

I bet you 50 quid that your course is going to be populated...

Thank you. ..with people who are in distress,

whether they're grieving or there's some kind of addiction.

Whatever it is. "I'm feeling really low."

"Welcome to religion, man, cos we have all the answers!"

That sounds like someone I know, doesn't it?

All right. I'm going to give you a practical demonstration.

Here we have two pieces of potato, machine-cut into the same shape

and cooked for the same amount of time, and yet they look completely different.

What's your point?

My point is that sometimes there is no pattern. Sometimes things just are.

And you have to learn to embrace the random, wonderful, chaotic nature of life.

Understanding IS celebrating and embracing.

Learning, passing your knowledge on, your values...

Darwin teaches us all about passing on our knowledge, doesn't he?

Survival of the fittest? Come on, Jimmi.

You cannot argue with Charlie D.

-Ap-ap! Hands off!

-Too late.

I've always respected you, Chris.

You're one of the most considered, practical people I've ever known.

But this isn't something you just rush.

Look, as of tomorrow, I'm going to be monitored round the clock.

I won't even be able to sneeze without someone rushing to help me.

Look, what if someone comes and finds me before...

Come on, we're looking at renal failure, heart failure...

-Chris!

-You wouldn't have to give them to me.

OK? Just take them out of the packet.

All I've ever wanted to do is make you happy.

And you ask me this, with no concern of what it'll do to me!

-Of course I'm concerned.

-This isn't just about you.

You know, I don't know how to be, without YOU.

I've got to get used to doing everything without you being there,

to say I look daft in my trainers, to stop me burning the toast.

-Have cereal.

-Look, we're not going to make a joke out of this.

You think this is easy for me?

Of course I don't think it's easy for you,

but that doesn't mean to say it's not unbearable for me!

And then you ask me something like this?

It's selfish, that's what it is.

I'm selfish?

Look! It's in there all the time, nagging away.

Whatever you're doing, whatever we're doing, having a nice time,

and it's there - "Make the most of it, she won't be there much longer."

And you want to take that time we DO have, and just...kill it.

SHE CHOKES

You OK?

SHE GASPS I'm...

-I'm choking.

-It's OK. Look, look, look.

-I'm choking.

Just small breaths. Try and keep calm.

So, if there's a collective consciousness,

then presumably there must be some sort of life force

for the consciousness to exist in.

What?!

I'm sorry, but that is like saying that the leaf moved because it has its own will,

rather than it being the wind!

An external force, one you can't see,

exerting its will on the leaf.

-It doesn't have a will - it's the wind!

-How do you know what does and doesn't have a will?

You're saying these things because you think you choose to, but what if something is making you say them?

Nothing makes me do anything apart from me.

Maybe that's what they want you to think.

Who's "they"?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some great puppeteer in the sky.

What if Galileo had agreed?

What if he thought, "Yeah, the leaf moves because the great puppeteer wants it to"?

Let's forget science, let's forget the weather.

It's easier if it's the great puppeteer.

Then we don't have to deal with the mess we make.

We don't have to try and struggle with the futility of our existence!

If everyone thinks their life is futile, what's to stop them just blowing each other up?

Absolutely nothing!

But there must be something, because it hasn't happened.

It hasn't happened YET, but it will.

We started with a big bang, and I prophesy that we will end with a big bang!

I'm going to go into this with an open mind.

I know I don't have all the answers.

Neither do you. Difference is, you just think you do.

All done. You'll live.

I'm so sorry to have dragged you out here.

I can't believe that I thought an ambulance was necessary.

I mean, it's one thing reading up about swallowing difficulties.

It's another when you think you can't breathe.

It's all right. I was only nearby. So, what happened?

Ask her.

Oh...don't mind him.

We had a row, and, um, I just took it out on the pasta.

-May I?

-Yes.

It is an emotional time for you both. You've both got lots of adapting to do.

Would you mind breathing in and out for me?

SHE BREATHES DEEPLY

Yeah, sounds OK.

So, why didn't you tell me this morning about your swallowing?

Cos it doesn't seem that bad, really.

Well, I suppose I didn't want to admit that I was ticking another thing off the list

of stuff I can't do. You know - can't do this, can't do that.

Cos there's no undoing any of it.

And that list just gets longer.

It's typical, isn't it?

The more you build something up,

the more you want it to be perfect, the more likely it is to go wrong.

Look, it's just one little disagreement.

It'll all be forgotten about tomorrow.

If Chris has her way, there won't be tomorrow.

She doesn't want to go into a home.

She just told me she'd rather die.

Come on, man.

We disagree and you take it as an insult?

You don't understand something so you just pooh-pooh it.

Pooh-pooh it? You're even starting to talk like one of them!

-You're being ridiculous.

-I'm being ridiculous?

You have a go at me cos I'm trying to talk you out of making a pillock of yourself!

You can't talk me out of anything. I don't need your permission!

-Then why ask me?

-I have no idea!

Well, I do. It's because you WANT me to talk you out of it.

It's not a problem. Jimmi, I forbid you from going.

You forbid me? You...? You can't forbid me from doing anything!

I can and I am. You are NOT going on that course.

Oh, Al! OK, do you know why I wanted to talk to you?

I wanted you to hear me out.

I wanted to have a reasonable, adult conversation,

which is why I want to go and do the Vita course,

cos I can't expect to get that from you.

You reckon you want what's best for me?

You can't even be bothered to shut up for one minute to figure out what that might be!

She's, um, "resting her eyes".

Why the stubborn beggar can't admit she's just having a nap, I don't know.

Might be best to not leave them out.

Makes no difference.

She can't manage the packets any more.

Then you're in charge, Eric.

If she can't get the tablets out herself, then it's not her decision.

-It's yours.

-Never my strong point.

It's easier to let Chris do it.

It's either black or white with her. There's no dithering.

I don't know how I'm going to manage when she's not here.

The thought that it's sooner rather than later...

It's not just what's right for her. It's what's right for you.

I always thought if it's right for Chris, it's all right by me. If she's happy, I'm happy.

This isn't the same as choosing socks or a new carpet.

No-one doubts that you love Christine,

but you can't let that ruin your future.

I know it might not seem like it, but you DO have a future.

Chris isn't dead yet. Neither are you.

Imagine Connie were in your shoes.

What would you tell her to do?

I'd tell her not to be so daft and think about herself.

So you're not going to do anything silly?

Yeah, you're right. I'm not dead yet.

Um...

I'll see myself out, OK?

Sorry for ruining our day.

DOOR SHUTS

And for being a selfish cow.

Yeah. Well, at least you're my selfish cow.

THEY LAUGH

I just thought...illness is something you have to fight,

and I'm strong,

and I'm just not going to let it get any worse, but...

well, I can hardly stand now,

and this hand is going to be useless a few weeks from now,

and my mouth doesn't want to work any more...

..so I just can't win this fight.

My love... I don't want to cook for one.

I don't want to rattle round this house by myself.

That day's coming whether we like it or not.

I just want to be able to decide when it is.

Now, I know you can't help me,

but I am going to find a way, Eric.

You said you wanted to end the day watching South Pacific in bed.

OK, let's do it.

HE SIGHS

MUSIC FROM SOUTH PACIFIC ON TELEVISION

TV OFF

HE SNIFFS

Is this really what you want?

Yes, my love.

HE SNIFFS

4th April 1978,

I vowed I would do anything for you.

And I meant it.

I love you, Christine Leverty.

More than life itself.

There's a letter over there on the laptop.

It's probably best if the police discover it.

Don't worry about that.

Wait until the morning before you call them.

Just tell them that you fell asleep on the sofa.

-Yeah, I'll deal with it.

-I just want to be sure you know what to say.

-It doesn't matter.

-Course it MATTERS.

Eric?

Eric! Eric, look at me.

No! No! No, you can't!

I couldn't live with myself, Chris.

I don't want to go on living without you.

So I want to go with you. I'm sorry.

No, this is not what I wanted.

How can I...? How can I do this knowing I've made you...?

-You haven't made me do anything.

-I won't let you do it.

Can't stop me.

Hah! This...

You are so cruel. You...

I'm never going to forgive you for this.

How do I know you're even going to do it?

You don't. Want to risk it?

Oh, well done.

You got what you wanted.

No, my love. I haven't.

SHE SIGHS

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hello.

You burning the midnight oil?

Oh, I'm just writing a letter to all clinical staff.

-Something wrong?

-Christine Leverty?

I just wanted to flag up a conversation I had with her husband.

He told me that she wants to end her life.

She can't do it herself, so she's asked him to help her.

I've made an appointment for an urgent mental health assessment

and I've got the ball rolling for additional care at home.

-Have you contacted the BMA?

-Yeah, I left them a message.

Sounds like you've done everything you can.

You sure? I'm worried I'm missing something.

No, you've done everything right,

so why don't you go home, have a stiff drink, try and get some sleep?

FOOTSTEPS

-Out like a light.

-Ah, good.

Which means that we...

we can have some fun of our own.

Oh. Do you...? Do you really want me to wear...?

-I mean, I will, but...

-Hmm.

-I...

Let's see!

SHE LAUGHS

What?

I much prefer you in your Paul Smith.

-Ah, good.

-And out of it.

Good, good.

But...don't you think that things have been just a little bit vanilla recently?

-What's wrong with vanilla?

-Nothing wrong with vanilla. I adore vanilla.

But there are other flavours, you know.

-There's rum and raisin... caramel sauce.

-Mm-hm.

Don't you think we should spice things up just a little bit?

Maybe.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't need you dressing as Tinkerbell.

-Or dressing up in anything that involves cheap polyester.

-Good.

But I have always had a thing for men...

..men in uniform.

Oh.

Fast forward a year and you're running off with the local fireman.

Don't be silly!

You loved it when I dressed up as principal boy.

OK. OK, this could work.

-I could be your officer and a gentleman.

-Yeah.

But you're going to have to do something for me.

Name it!

HE WHISPERS

SHE LAUGHS

You tell them I didn't do it or I'll tell them about you.

Reckons we look the business together.

Actually, I was just asking about mushrooms for the shopping.

-She reckons he's got amazing...

-Chicken thighs.

What?

-Oi, stop!

-Excuse me.

I'm not sure it's for me.

Everybody has doubts.

You're lying!