Ransom Doctors

ALARM BEEPS ON COMPUTER

BEEPING CONTINUES

Oh, Ben, there's something wrong with...

-Turn the computer off!

-Excuse me!

-At the wall!

-What?

BEEPING

-BEN SIGHS

-What is that?

Hey, I just wanted to thank you for your feedback.

I thought it was really constructive.

Oh, really? Good. Well, I'm glad it was helpful.

Cough!

-Something wrong?

-Oh... Were you just talking about the internal review?

-Mm-hm.

-And how helpful Emma was?

Well, you both were.

You, erm, you gave me some very important things to think about.

Hmm. I gave you a hard time.

Yeah, but you pushed and you challenged me

and, by defending myself, made me confirm what I really felt.

So, thank you for that.

How about that? It's not often you get praise from a colleague.

Oh, well, make the most of it. Right, we have patients.

Al, I gather you know your way around a computer?

-What, do I look the sort?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-How dare you?!

In my spare time I could be anything I choose to be.

-Maybe I'm a ninja.

-Daniel says you're our resident expert.

Well... Yeah, that I be.

We've got an unforeseen challenge.

Unforeseen challenge? I'm sorry, is that management speak for "Houston, we have a problem"?

Yeah. A big problem. Need you.

-Mm.

-Mm.

-So we can't access anything?

-Not unless we pay.

And if we don't do it before five o'clock, they're going to delete all our files.

It's affected all the computers on the Campus as well.

-How much do they want?

-28 bitcoins.

I mean, it's a pain but it's better than the alternative, right?

What are 28 bitcoins worth?

That's, that's over £50,000, give or take.

What?! Who can afford that?

Well, they probably detected the size of the network and set the ransom accordingly.

Can we still access patient records from an uninfected computer?

No, no, the server is infected.

We can't access any of our shared files.

Could it infect the whole NHS network?

Oooh... The Spine? Maybe.

But if it could, it's probably already too late.

Can you do anything?

No. No, I can't.

This is beyond even my considerable geek powers.

There is an approved IT firm we're supposed to use for the big stuff.

Why the long face?

I've met the guy we use.

ALARM BEEPS ON COMPUTER

-Do you think that Ben is up to this?

-I don't know.

-He only started yesterday.

-Yeah. He seems to be coping so far.

We haven't run out of paperclips!

If we lose the patients' records, then...we're finished.

It's hardly his fault, though.

What if someone dies because we can't access their details?

We will have to stay vigilant and take full histories where necessary.

-That will take forever.

-I know.

But it's better than the alternative.

And he's dealing with things.

He's dealt with things quickly -

IT support, he's dealing with the staff...

What more could he have done?

I'll tell you what...

..we'll keep an eye on him, OK?

And if we feel that he's out of his depth, we step in.

Right. We're going to have to get you to fill some details,

so we've got a record while the computers are offline.

-Yeah, sure.

-Then you're going to have to wait until the doctor's got a space.

-Yeah, I don't mind.

-Right. Thanks, Miss Cloverfield.

SHE COUGHS

Valerie, do you still have the patient records on file?

Yes, but they're not going to be up to date.

-Still, it's better than nothing.

-Right. I'll dig them out.

Oh... Paleo brownie?

-Sorry?

-With everything that's going on,

you need to keep your energy levels up.

Now, with one of these, you could hunt a brontosaurus.

Not my most immediate problem, but thanks.

Delicious.

Oh, hello. Do you have an appointment?

I'm here to sort out the mess you've made of your computers.

-Stuart?

-Correct.

-Ben. This way.

Won't your laptop get infected?

No.

How could this happen?

Last time you were here, during the WannaCry incident,

you said you'd improved our online security.

I did everything possible within the budget allocated to me,

but online threats develop quickly.

If you want to stay up to date, you need to invest significantly more.

So what exactly did you do?

I updated your firewall and antivirus software,

but no system is immune to human error.

It just takes one of your staff to open a dodgy e-mail

-on an outdated computer.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I personally make sure that all our machines get the latest patches.

Our antivirus software is up to date.

This shouldn't have been possible.

Clearly, that's not true.

Should we call the police?

Only if you want the whole world to know what's happened.

When did it lock you out of the network?

Dead on 9am.

The ransom demand says we have to pay by five.

-Like the song.

-What song?

Er, 9 To 5! Dolly Parton!

Everyone knows that song.

Although I highly doubt that Dolly was responsible for this.

Is he going to let me do my job now?

HE TYPES

COMPUTER BEEPS

OK, if nothing changes, then come back and see me next week.

Right. Who's next?

Well, nobody said that they're booked in,

so you could see Miss Cloverfield.

-Any more phoned yet?

-No, I'm afraid not.

-Argh!

-What's the matter with you?

I'm supposed to be out on house calls,

but we can't access the list, so I don't know where to go.

We're having to wait until people phone in

and ask why Zara hasn't shown up.

Someone could be seriously ill and just left lying there for hours!

For goodness' sake, get a grip.

Just help out with the backlog - that'll take your mind off it.

I have been.

OK, everybody, just cool your tempers.

Have a brownie.

They're Palaeolithic.

Give me strength!

If you'd like to follow me.

-I'm sorry for the wait.

-No worries.

So, how can I help you?

-It's my chest.

-SHE COUGHS

I've been feeling wheezy, short of breath.

OK, well, let's have a listen.

I don't think I've seen you before, have I?

No. I, er, I try and keep away.

All right.

Take a deep breath for me.

SHE BREATHES IN

Another one.

SHE BREATHES IN

-Do you smoke?

-Uh, no.

One more.

SHE BREATHES IN

SHE COUGHS

How long has this been going on?

A little while.

Longer than that, I'd say.

You've got a nasty chest infection. You should have come in before.

That could have become serious.

I don't like taking up the appointments.

There's other people that might need them.

All right, well, look, I'm going to give you a course of antibiotics

that should clear it up.

If they don't, then I want you to come back and see me.

-All right?

-Thank you.

Unfortunately, the backup drives are also infected.

-What, all of them?

-Yep.

No. No, no, that can't be.

HE TYPES See for yourself.

When I backed up the system last night, the antivirus software

didn't flag any problems.

Perhaps the virus definitions aren't up to date after all.

Don't start with that! I know how to update the...

Perhaps we should leave Stuart to concentrate.

Al, there's a backlog of patients outside.

-No, no, no. I'm more use in here.

-He's really not.

Are you going to let him speak to me like that?

Fine.

Come on, tell me some good news.

Tell me you've found a solution.

It's extremely sophisticated software.

It has defences against all the most common exploits.

I'll keep working, but in the time remaining

it's extremely unlikely I'll find a way to stop it.

We're not paying criminals NHS money.

Then I hope you're prepared for the consequences.

-A little bit of retail therapy, eh? See you soon.

-Cheers.

It's going to take me ages to find records for everyone

who has been in today.

Wow!

Have you any idea how many boxes there are to go through?

-Everything OK?

-Yeah. I just need some air to clear my mind.

-Any progress?

-Not yet.

The contractor is still working on it, though,

so hopefully it's just a matter of time.

Good. Erm, look, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone.

-But if you need help...

-Look, everything's in hand.

HE SIGHS

BEEP

Er, Mr Galadima. Erm, I was not expecting a call from you.

I wasn't sure if you'd left yet.

-TANNOY:

-Ladies and gentlemen...

-Nearly.

..the 12.20 flight to Gaborone is now boarding at gate number seven.

That is my flight now.

Is everything all right?

Yes.

I just wanted to wish you a happy holiday.

The 12.20 flight to Gaborone is now boarding.

That is very kind. Thank you.

Everything is in hand here. You just have a good time.

Safe journey.

HE SIGHS

ALARM BEEPS ON COMPUTER

So I finally got to go to one of my house calls.

You don't seem very happy about it.

Mr Lear is old, vulnerable and in pain.

He had been waiting nearly two hours for me to get there.

He thought he was being ignored.

How's Ben doing?

Ah, well, he assures me everything's OK, but...

But you don't believe him?

I want to. Just worried he might be too proud to ask for help.

Right. We should step in.

I'm not sure. I don't want him to feel undermined.

I think his feelings are the last thing

we should be worrying about at the moment.

I think we need to start considering the worst-case scenario.

Paying? That is not going to happen.

ALARM BEEPS ON COMPUTER

Valerie, I can't find Ben.

I, er, I think I saw him go outside.

-Your patient...

-Oh, erm, I need a word.

-Now isn't a good time.

-No, no, it's important.

Ah, Emma. I found Miss Cloverfield's files.

Oh, great. I'll add the notes from the consultation.

Oh, Valerie...

Yes?

The Miss Cloverfield that I saw - she wasn't disabled.

Maybe she got better?

I bet you're glad there's not been much to do on your first day, hey?

-You said you wanted to talk to me?

-Yeah.

Has, er, Bill Gates in there made any progress yet?

I know you don't think he's much cop, but...

OK, we have another option.

I, er, I reached out to Cyberfox-7.

Are you going to make me ask?

Cyberfox-7 is the computing equivalent of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

He writes code of the most exquisite and yet delicate beauty.

-A hacker?

-Yeah, he's a hacker, but a goody. He's ethical.

Well, truth be told, he's semi-ethical.

The point is, if anybody can fix our problem, it's Foxy...

But...

How did I know there'd be a "but"?

You need to get rid of Chuckles first.

Nobody can know that Foxy is working on the system.

As you can imagine, he's not exactly on the NHS approved list.

We can't start letting strangers play with the database.

There's sensitive information on there.

OK, if you don't solve this problem,

there'll be no information on there, sensitive or otherwise.

I'll have to run it by the partners.

No.

No, the partners need to be able to deny any involvement in this.

So only I get hung out to dry if it backfires?

Yeah, that-that's pretty much it. So, what do you say?

I think it's unethical.

Hmm.

I think...

HE SIGHS

BEN CLEARS HIS THROAT

I'd like to thank you for your work, Stuart,

but we can take it from here.

I have a contract at The Mill as your approved provider.

That doctor, the geeky one he can't be allowed to alter system files.

He won't be. We're exploring alternative solutions to removing the virus,

so we won't be requiring your services any longer.

-You're going to pay the ransom?

-I can't divulge that information.

Thank you for coming.

You're sure that there aren't two Miss Cloverfields registered?

No, absolutely sure. Karen and I were very thorough

when we boxed everything up. The files are definitely in order.

But she could have registered after we went paper-free.

Right. And the woman who came in, she didn't leave any contact details?

No, she did. I tried the number but it was dead.

Right. But the details that she left are different to the ones on file?

OK, call the number on the file.

No, I tried that already as well. Also disconnected.

She must have switched it after we went computer-only.

She's probably moved.

There must be some connection between them, though?

I mean, the impostor must have known that she would be able to use

Miss Cloverfield's NHS records in order to get

a prescription from the pharmacy.

Now, the real Miss Cloverfield only registered with The Mill

a couple of years ago.

-So maybe someone at her old surgery remembers her.

-Good idea.

Abi, hi. Yes, it's Valerie at The Mill...

OK, I'm afraid I can't access your scan results at the moment.

But I could give you a physical examination,

make sure there's nothing that rings the old warning bells.

Yeah? Great.

If you could pop up onto the, er, examining couch for me.

KNOCK ON DOOR

OK. Just a sec.

-Hey.

-It's done. He's disconnected and left the building.

-OK.

-When will your contact get here?

Oh, he's not going to come in person.

-What?!

-Shady underworld figures don't tend to make personal appearances.

Besides which, Foxy gets into trouble

if he's seen out before 3.30. He'll do it remotely.

-How?

-Well, I'll give him the admin log-in details.

-He could pass them on to anyone!

-No. No, he won't do that.

-We can trust him.

-How do you know?

He owes me one. Ever since I sorted out his acne for him.

Cyberfox-7 please tell me the 7 isn't his age.

-No!

-Good.

No, he's at least double that.

Ben, he is our only hope.

Do you want his help or not?

Good call.

Sorry about that.

HE SIGHS

Yes. Thanks.

Ah, I think I just saw your IT guy driving away.

No, it wasn't him.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was.

Trust me, he's still in the office.

In fact, as we're at this crucial stage now,

I don't want anyone disturbing him.

Can you not let anyone in please?

I can try my best, but we are very busy.

I'm sure your best will be more than good enough, Valerie.

-You might be right!

-How are you getting on with the paper files?

Oh, well, it's taking a while to find everyone, but I will get there.

-Excellent.

-First, I've got to find Miss Cloverfield.

The real one. Or the fake one.

-Pardon?

-Oh, yeah, we had someone pretending to be a patient

-to get a prescription.

-Right.

So, I've just been on the phone to Abi at the King's Green surgery...

-Did you tell her about our computer problems?

-Yes. And, funnily enough,

she said they've had a similar problem

with their own computers a while back.

-And did they manage to resolve it?

-No.

No, they've been running off paper files ever since.

OK. I would like to keep what's happened here internal for now.

So please, don't tell anyone else.

Right. Mum's the word.

-I told you my feelings on the subject.

-I know.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Come in.

-Valerie said you wanted to see me.

-Yeah, look...

I think it's time we seriously started considering paying the ransom.

You're kidding? You can't use NHS money to pay off criminals.

-Exactly.

-I agree. It would unethical and probably illegal.

But I'm not talking about NHS money.

-Oh.

-Our savings are meant for Joe.

It is going to cost us a lot more than 50 grand

if we have to close The Mill.

So, what does Ben say?

Oh, he hasn't come up with a solution.

That's not his fault. He's been put in an impossible situation.

We are the ones who have a financial stake in the practice.

OK? It has to be our decision.

They didn't have any details for Miss Cloverfield at King's Green,

but they did remember that she belonged to a disabled swimming group.

-Oh, OK, well, can you call them?

-I've already done that.

They wouldn't give me the number, but I asked if they would call her and leave a message.

-Great. Thanks, Valerie.

-No problem.

-Hey. Have you caught up with your patients?

-Oh, yeah.

-You?

-Nearly. Yeah.

Erm, I was thinking about what you said the other day

about not being keen on living alone.

I was wondering if you'd thought

about putting your spare room up on Homebnb?

-The website?

-Yeah. I've got a friend that does it.

He's been doing it for a while - it's a nice little earner.

Johnny's been doing it for years - he's never had any problems.

-Do you think my house is suitable?

-Well, yeah.

I mean, it's got plenty of space, you're close to Birmingham.

It's a real tourist spot, isn't it?

I mean, people like to come for the Bull Ring and the theatres

and the food here is fantastic.

Oh, thanks, I'll give it some thought.

Do you know, I hope they sort this computer issue out soon.

-This morning has been bonkers.

-I decided to embrace the chaos.

-Not like you!

-Compared to the mess that Will's been leaving

in my house, this is nothing.

I'm learning to live with it. I'm trying, anyway.

-Good for you.

-I like the company.

I thought you preferred living alone?

He won't be there forever.

-Do you think he'll meet someone?

-Hmm.

Ah... Is there a someone?

There was a someone the other night.

A very nice young lady.

And?

I thought Will was gay.

Maybe he's bi. I don't know. Sorry.

What for?

You know, you and...?

-Lena?

-Hm.

Please!

-ALARM BEEPS ON COMPUTER

-Yes, I know. They are good, aren't they?

You'll be amazed at what's in them.

You see, I use stevia instead of sugar, almond milk, not dairy,

cocoa nibs, not chocolate.

There's maple syrup in there,

and you will never guess what the secret ingredient is.

Avocado!

Yeah, if you like them, I can give you the recipe.

I feel on top of the world since I started this diet.

See, I got really ill a few years ago.

And I just wonder if that would have happened if I'd have started the diet sooner?

Valerie, erm, could I have a word, please? Sorry to disturb, sir.

You were joking just now about these, right?

Well, I didn't hear you complaining when you were wolfing them down.

That's because they're really delicious,

but super-food they ain't.

See, stevia? Maple syrup? That's just sugar.

And almond milk is processed.

There is nothing in these which will safeguard against disease

and it's dangerous for you to think that they will.

Well, that's just your opinion.

My opinion? OK, think of this.

If...woolly-mammoth burgers were a cure for every disease going,

then the cavemen would still be around today, wouldn't they?

Not if they killed all the mammoths.

What? No! Look, this is a place of science!

We are trying to maintain standards

and you are letting the side down with your...with your nonsense!

Al, I've already told you, Ben doesn't want to be dist...

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Mill Health Centre.

Hello, Miss Cloverfield.

Yes, thank you so much for calling me back.

Still no access to the network.

-Yeah, about that...

-Couldn't Cyberdog do it?

Cyberfox-7. No, he couldn't.

But, er, he did find something very interesting.

-What?

-There's nothing wrong with our firewall.

He tested it and said it's in perfect working condition.

But you installed programs on it.

Oh, he tested them, too, and they are all completely clean.

No Trojan horses.

-Really?

-Really.

All of which begs the question -

how did that ransomware get onto our server?

Valerie, you said another practice had the same problem with their computers?

Yes. I'm sorry if I told them something I shouldn't, but...

-It's fine. Which one was it?

-King's Green.

-Thank you.

Sorry, we're closed.

Oh.

You are a very difficult lady to find.

-Have you told the police?

-Not yet.

I came here to beg you. Look, please don't.

I don't know what Dr Reid would say about that.

You tricked her into writing a prescription.

I know but...

-SHE COUGHS

-I was desperate.

Helen, the real Helen, recognised you immediately,

after I described you.

So, you're her carer?

I phoned to make her an appointment this morning, and when you said

you couldn't access the records, I realised I had an opportunity

to get something for this chest without using my own name.

At nights I can barely breathe.

I don't understand. Why not just be honest?

My husband...treated me like dirt.

So...I stole his money and ran away.

Got the job working with Helen. Look, I don't charge her.

I just said I was a volunteer working for a charity.

But I can't appear on the system, any system,

or the police will find me.

I thought I'd put all this behind me.

And then you got ill?

I love working with Helen.

And...I'm good at it.

-Yes, she said.

-I told her the truth.

She doesn't want to lose me.

She was the one who said I should talk to you.

So please, for her sake,

just...don't tell the police.

KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.

-Hi.

-Hello.

Right. This thing with me and Lena...

It's none of my business.

It just happened, all right?

It didn't really tell me anything about myself.

And it certainly doesn't mean that I'm attracted to all women.

It was just her.

Well, I'm just surprised at Will.

I thought he was gay.

Just gay, I mean.

He came out when he was 14.

Well, if you want to know what's going on with him,

then you know what you need to do?

-Ask him.

-Hm.

If you think, this time, it is any of your business.

Right, well, I'm going have to let the CCG know

and notify all the other practices.

I wouldn't be surprised if the police have to get involved.

Of course.

Paleo brownie?

What? No, thank you.

If you'd like to follow me?

You mean, Al hasn't finished them off already?

Oh, I'm not giving him any more of my health-giving snacks.

-Oh, what's he'd done?

-He's ridiculed and undermined my diet.

It was only a matter of time. It is Al.

No, I'm not having it. I haven't felt this good in years.

And I'm going to find more evidence, more ammunition.

And I'm going to show Dr Al Haskey that he doesn't know everything!

Oh, no, Al! I've already told you.

Ben doesn't want anyone going in there.

Oh, of course you did. Thank you for telling me again.

I... Er...

OK, we've decided we are going to pay the ransom.

Where's the IT guy?

What's going on?

Oh, here he is.

Come in, shut the door.

I want to start with an apology.

I shouldn't have sent you away earlier.

We had a plan, but it didn't work out.

Well, that's what happens when you trust amateurs.

Yeah, sticks and stones...

Anyway, thank you for coming back.

I've come to realise we only really have one option.

-You're going to pay?

-Yeah.

I've converted the money into bitcoins.

So, shall I do the honours?

I think our expert should, in the circumstances.

Oh, I spoke to King's Green surgery earlier.

-What?

-Came clean about our problems.

Turns out they had the same issue.

-So?

-Apparently, you're their contractor as well.

I wonder how many other practices you look after

have found themselves in the same situation.

Sit down!

We couldn't figure out how this malicious software

got past our firewall and onto our server.

But now we know - turns out you put it there

when you came to do maintenance on our computers a few weeks ago.

-You can't prove that.

-Here's what's going to happen.

There must be a kill-switch, something you can use to cancel it.

We're going to step outside and decide

whether we need to contact the police.

In the meantime, I hope our computers get miraculously better.

Gentlemen.

ALARM BEEPS ON COMPUTER

-What now?

-Don't pay. He's behind this.

-Are you sure?

-Yes.

OK.

Valerie, er, are the computers working yet?

-No.

-Give it time.

-We haven't got time.

-Just wait.

BEEPING CONTINUES

OK. One minute.

-OK.

-What are you doing?

-We're going to pay.

-Right, here we go!

-No, wait, wait, wait!

Look! It's back!

-They're back!

-What?

ALL SIGH WITH RELIEF

You won't call the police?

I think you'll find I said I'd think about it.

Hang on! You're letting him leave?

Well, we can't keep him here.

That's why the police are going straight to his house.

-You called them already?

-Of course. He's a criminal, isn't he?

Well played.

-Well played!

-Thanks.

That is a pretty good first day in the office.

Welcome aboard!

Tell you what, I'll come with you.

-No.

-Then, at least let me drive you there.

-No.

Things have to change.

I was there a couple of weeks ago, I walked straight out.

It's full of kids.

So? I might even go clubbing later.

I get scared sometimes.

Of what, exactly?

Older men.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

-What?

-There's a real possibility that I could die!