Sense and Sensitivity Doctors

CLOCK TICKS

SNIFFLING

Beth?

-I'm going to the spare room.

-I'll go.

You've got work in the morning. SHE SIGHS

-I'm sorry.

-Don't, please!

Calm down, OK.

-I can't stand it any more!

-I know! I know!

See? I'm out of bed. I'm going!

You'll have to sort this, Craig.

Seriously.

Oh, sorry, Karen. The traffic today!

I know. I only just got in myself.

-Have I got time for a coffee?

-Erm...

So, your first house visit is at ten o'clock.

Something to look forward to. See you later.

Morning, Mill Health Centre.

How can I help?

Beth's kicked me out of bed.

OK. Do you know why that is?

I can't control it. I've tried everything!

Can't control what?

Our sex life is zero.

Zilch! It used to be fantastic.

-It's all I had left, y'know?

-OK... OK.

Well, first thing - don't worry. This is more common than you think.

I don't care!

You've been under a lot of stress recently, haven't you?

Well, yeah, now there's a robot doing my job!

-Kick in the teeth, or what?

-Exactly.

-Exactly. It could be the root of your problem.

-Could it?

-Absolutely.

But first I'd like to run a few tests, if that's OK?

Just to be sure. Can you roll your sleeve up, please?

Have you been able to maintain any kind of erection?

However brief?

What's that got to do with sweaty feet?

-Morning, you two.

-Morning.

-Morning.

Did you have a problem getting in?

Yeah, you could say that.

I'm just going to see Ben.

Yeah. Is there something...?

Right, I just need a quick word with Ben.

Oh, no, cos, erm...

And Heston won't say anything because he's too stubborn.

-Oh, for heaven's sake!

-Ah, Heston!

-Ruhma was just explaining...

-How stubborn I am.

-No.

-About your angina attack on Friday. I'm sorry to hear that.

-Are you feeling OK?

-Of course, otherwise I wouldn't be here.

-It's under control?

-As I just said.

Of course.

I really appreciate you coming in like this. If it were me,

I'd take advantage of some well-earned time off.

Are you saying I should be on sick leave?

No.

Well, yes, actually. It might be wise.

I absolutely agree.

-Why didn't you say that...?

-You wouldn't let me say anything.

-You were hell bent on stopping me from coming in.

-OK,

-so what have we been arguing about?

-I have some work to do today,

mainly paperwork, and then I will put myself on sick leave.

That's pretty sensible, Heston.

I have suffered with angina for quite a while

and I'm used to managing it.

-I'm not some feeble-minded idiot...

-Of course you are not.

And I hope to be half the man you are when I'm your age.

Really?

So to speak. Erm...

I know how much the younger members of the team

rely on your vast experience. As I do myself.

Oh. I hear what you're saying loud and clear.

Now, if there's nothing else, I have work to do.

Did I say something wrong?

I... Just... I wouldn't worry about it.

Thank you.

Do your feet get very wet?

Not really.

-You do a Botox clinic, don't you?

-Yeah.

Only I've read it's good for sweaty feet.

Er, Botox would only be used in cases of extreme hyperhidrosis.

-Eh?

-Extreme sweating.

But I can't see any evidence of that.

-I mean, your feet are a little bit warm but...

-And stink.

I'm surprised you haven't keeled over!

Nothing.

-You've got to be kidding.

-No.

Can you describe the smell to me?

Rotting stilton, according to Beth.

She hates any kind of cheese.

-What, so...so you can't smell them?

-No.

But, then, they're my feet, aren't they?

OK. Pop your socks and shoes back on and we'll have a chat.

It's not bad news?

Oh, no, they haven't rung yet.

I had this headache in the night. It's wiped me out.

It's all that worry. Perhaps a massage would help?

Whoa, Martin, I...

-Ooh, you're hitting the spot.

-Am I?

Oh! That feels so good.

Oh...

-Actually, stop. Stop.

-Why?

This isn't fair on you.

-I'm not complaining.

-No. Sit down, please.

OK, first of all, I just want to say

that taking you on as my corporate accountant

-was the best business decision I ever made.

-Thank you.

But things could change.

I know, I feel that, too.

So we have to look at the worst-case scenario.

No, let's look at the best - our future.

-What happens if we don't get the Plessington account?

-We will get it.

But if we don't...

Martin, I'm sorry, I won't be able to pay you.

So I'll work for nothing.

-I couldn't possibly ask you to do that.

-My parents will be able

to help me out until we're up and running again.

Beth, if we don't get this account, there will be others.

We're going to make it!

I wish I had your confidence.

I thought I knew everything about accountancy,

until I came to work for you.

It's been an epiphany.

I'd go so far as to call you my guru.

-That's very sweet, but...

-Hey.

I have complete faith in you.

I had sweaty feet when we started going out,

but I was only a teenager then.

Beth was great about it.

Must have been love.

She could have had anybody, but she stuck with me.

Little did she know...

Don't put yourself down, Craig.

I'm hardly catch of the century, am I?

Because of your job?

It's not just that, is it?

And now I stink as well.

Can you just give me some tablets?

That's difficult for me to do,

because I can't find anything wrong with your feet.

You want to try sleeping with me!

-I don't mean...

-Of course, of course.

Erm... Would you say this problem occurs at night?

Yeah, now you mention it, pretty much.

Poor Beth.

She comes to bed exhausted.

At one time, whatever was happening,

sex would always make us feel better.

Then she started saying she had headaches...

But the headaches weren't the problem. It was my feet.

I see.

There's nothing wrong with my marriage, OK?

I didn't say that there was.

-You and Beth have been through a lot...

-You can't help me. It's fine.

Craig... Craig!

OK, we look forward to seeing you. Bye!

Right. Is that my home visit list?

And your day's not going to get much better, either.

Oh, no, Louise Warren?

Why didn't you ask her to come in?

-Are you kidding?

-Sorry.

-You lot want to spend half an hour on this desk.

-Mm.

Well, at least one good thing - she's on this side of town

so I won't get caught in the gridlock. See you later.

Thanks for letting me know.

Beth?

We got it!

-We got the Plessington account!

-Oh, yes! Yes!

Craig!

Craig?

Craig!

It's not how it looks, right?

We got the big account!

-"We" being you and Martin.

-I mean us.

You've supported me all the way.

And this is the thanks I get.

I suppose you two will be wanting to celebrate.

Champagne? Nice hotel?

What's wrong with you? Stop it!

My feet don't smell!

They do.

Dr Granger said not.

You just wanted an excuse to kick me out of bed.

I suppose Martin uses perfumed foot deodorant. He's the type.

Don't you dare accuse me of cheating!

-Why not? You've been lying to me!

-I haven't!

If it's not your feet,

there is a terrible smell coming from somewhere.

Go home and find out what it is.

I've got work to do!

-KNOCKING

-Louise?

Louise?

Louise, can you hear me?

Louise?

SHE COUGHS

Oh, can I have an ambulance, please.

3b Willow Street.

Patient Louise, aged 30.

-COUGHS

-Known drug user.

Yes, no, I know there are traffic problems

but can you be as quick as you can, please?

Louise...

SNIFFING

Can a dead rat smell like rotting stilton?

What do you mean, you don't know? You're supposed to be experts.

No, I don't eat cheese in the bedroom.

Listen, things have got very unpleasant between me and my wife.

She's blaming my feet.

Are you laughing? You know what? Just forget it!

Louise, can you try and talk to me?

Louise, it's Dr Reid.

Oh...

Oh, God, if the ambulance is going to take its time,

I'm going to need some help.

-PHONE RINGS

-Good afternoon, Mill Health Centre.

Karen?

-Karen?

-Hello? Who's that?

Er... No, Karen, I'm... I'm with Louise.

Emma, is that you?

Yeah. I... Oh, God, I feel weird...

Erm... Emma? Emma, can you hear me?

Can you... Karen?

SHE GROANS

Er, two ticks!

-Hi, Karen. What's up?

-Are you anywhere near Willow Street?

-Erm, yeah. Why?

-Emma's at 3b and she...she sounds weird.

She is weird.

No, her speech is all slurred.

She can't get her words out.

Isn't there a doctor available?

You're nearest, please.

This could be an emergency.

-Ayesha, I'm worried about her.

-OK.

Thank you.

Em?

Emma, are you still there?

Thank you, Martin.

OK, so Tanya Plessington's coming in tomorrow.

She's bringing her business manager Stephen... What's his name?

-Beth, there's something I want to say.

-Hang on a second.

I can't. I've hung on too long as it is.

Horrocks! Stephen Horrocks.

I want you to leave Craig and move in with me.

What on earth are you talking about?

There's cheese in this sandwich.

No. No, there isn't. It's egg and cress. See?

Beth, can we possibly forget about the sandwich?

You deserve happiness and I can give that to you.

Oh, my God...

The smell!

I've got the most terrible pain in my head.

I can't see you properly.

I think I'm going blind!

Emma? SHE CHOKES

Emma!

Oh, stop shouting...

Louise? Louise, can you hear me?

-OK, Emma, we've got to get out of here now. Grab her legs.

-Huh?

-Did you hear me? I said, grab her legs!

-Oh...

OK, just get yourself out of here.

Hurry up! Louise?

OK. All right.

Just bring your legs round for me.

Hello...

-Emma? Emma, can you... Can you move out the way, please?

-What? I am!

-Emma, concentrate!

-I am concen...

Have you called an ambulance?

Of course I have!

OK, I need to chase it up.

Can you watch Louise for me?

Oh... Oh!

Something in my hair...

Did you hear what I said? I need you to try and help me.

-I am a doctor!

-I know that.

So if you can act like one...

Hi, I'm calling about Louise Warren, 3b Willow Street?

My colleague, Dr Reid, called earlier.

Yeah, I know about the roadworks,

but somebody needs to get here as soon as possible.

There's a strange smell in the room and I think it could be Viper.

Erm... Yeah, Louise is still semi-conscious

but Dr Reid's also been affected by the fumes.

Yes, she's...she's conscious.

I've got them both outside.

-OK, thanks.

-I think it's nits.

-Stop scratching.

-Oh, I can't stand it!

Emma, listen to me, it's just a side effect of the drug.

-I don't do drugs.

-No-one said you did.

Liar!

-Take a seat.

-PHONE RINGS

-Good after...

-Karen, it's me.

The ambulance is still delayed and Louise's pulse is now irregular.

I need one of the doctors here.

What's happened?

She's overdosed on Viper and Emma's been affected too.

-I need help!

-OK, OK...

-Help us, please!

-Beth?

-I think I'm going blind.

OK, come through, come through.

Heston, erm... Ayesha's with a patient who's overdosed on Viper

and Emma has been affected. Can...? Hello?

Hello?

I don't believe this! Erm...

-What's the address?

-Oh! It's, er, 3b Willow Street.

It's OK, Beth. We'll get to the bottom of this.

I was blaming Craig and it isn't his fault!

-Everything's his fault.

-I'm sorry, I don't think we've met?

-Martin Crossley, Beth's colleague and close friend.

-Close?

We could be, if you weren't so loyal to someone who's not worthy of you.

-Please don't say that, Martin.

-Beth's under tremendous pressure.

-She's running a business, while he...

-OK, please, stop.

-This isn't helping anybody.

-It's the truth.

I'd like to examine my patient, if you don't mind?

-You're asking me to leave?

-Yes, I am.

I'm not going anywhere unless Beth asks me to.

Please just do as he says, Martin.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I don't want to live with you. I am not interested.

Now please will you go before my head explodes?

It's Craig I need. Please?

I'll get Karen to call him.

I've never had pain like this, ever.

I know, but like I said before, Dr Carter's not available.

Mrs Hebden...Mrs Hebden... Do you think you could call back

when we're not quite so busy?

OK, yeah. Bye.

-What's going on?

-Er, where do you want to start?

Well, I'm up to my neck with my own and Heston's patients.

And now I'm getting Emma's patients, too. Where is she?

-Because she hasn't come back from home visits.

-What?

Er, she rang, I could tell there was something wrong with her,

-so I sent Ayesha.

-Why Ayesha?

-Will you just listen?

She was in the area. I ended up sending Heston

because she rang and said she needed a doctor...

Heston is supposed to be on sick leave! Why didn't you send me?

Because you're up to your eyeballs!

I'm Emma's friend.

It's not about you, is it?

-I didn't say it was about me.

-You haven't even asked

what's wrong with her, though, have you, "your friend"?

-She's inhaled Viper fumes.

-What? How is she?

I don't know.

-Well, I'd better call Heston.

-No, you... They're piling up out there.

-So just, erm...

-Let me know as soon as you hear anything.

-You'll be the first.

-Right.

I've called the police. How is she?

Her blood pressure's 150 over 85

-and she's drifting in and out of consciousness.

-OK.

Louise? I'm Dr Carter, can you hear me?

She's my patient!

And you've done a splendid job.

Don't patronise me, Dr Snooty.

-Take no notice of her.

-Her heartbeat is all over the place,

which is the best that can be expected.

-Trouble is, we don't know how much she's taken.

-Roll...

-What was that?

-Roll one up.

-She's asking you to roll a spliff.

-OK.

You keep an eye on her while I check Emma's blood pressure.

OK, here we go.

You always wanted me, didn't you, Heston?

You were just waiting for Howard to be out of the way. Come on.

Hi, Karen. Yeah, it's OK, he's here now.

EMMA CACKLES

And how's Emma?

Oh, thanks, Ayesha.

Listen, will you keep me posted, yeah? OK, bye.

-Sorry.

-My wife Beth's with Dr Granger.

Yeah, I'll let them know you're here.

Craig Flanders is here to see...

Oh, I might have known!

Someone had to look after her.

-Yeah, well, you can go now cos I'm here.

-Big deal.

-You what?

-I'm the one she needs.

-You're the one she's stuck with.

-Er...

Do you mind keeping your voices down? Maybe you should leave?

People keep asking me to leave.

I wonder why? Look, the surgery's really busy.

You're not waiting for a doctor. So maybe it's time to jog on.

-Yeah...

-Oi!

-Jog on!

-No, you... Are you going round to see your wife or not?

-Yeah.

-I'm really worried about her.

-I know.

-But she's being taken care off.

-But I want to do that.

-I can't help the way that I feel. I love her.

-OK...

Beth and I are meant for each other.

When the time's right, she'll realise.

And I'll be waiting.

Actually, that's not too bad.

There is nothing wrong with me.

Ow!

-How long were you in the flat?

-Flat?

Heston, you're on to a loser.

Who are you calling a loser?

This is extraordinary.

-Her lips have a slight bluey tinge...

-Ooh!

-..she's intoxicated,

and this is all from secondary smoke.

Pulse is still all over the place.

Let's hope the paramedics get here soon.

I am NOT going to hospital!

It would be wise, Emma.

But they'll think I'm on drugs.

Actually, she's got a point there.

Heston, she needs to be seen.

Yes, but we can't force her

and she just needs rest and plenty of water

-and she can get that at home.

-You can't send her home on her own.

Well, I wasn't going to send her on her own.

I was hoping that you might...

No.

No way!

Yeah, she might catch my nits!

No, I'll stay here with Louise who is the most affected.

Is there a problem?

Yeah. Yeah, there is, actually!

But, hey, for old times' sake.

Get off!

Emma, it's me or hospital. Choose.

You'll have to bring our bags.

OK, Louise?

Concentrate on my voice.

OK?

-Migraine?

-I think so, yes.

Your blurred vision has adjusted itself

and I've no reason to suspect anything else.

-Aren't you supposed to get flashing lights?

-Not necessarily.

Olfactory hallucinations are less common, but they do occur.

You're telling me I'm imagining the smell?

Your sense of smell is being affected. Not quite the same thing.

I've never had a migraine in my life!

They tend to be triggered by change.

Diet maybe? Hormonal?

-Hormonal?

-Yeah.

When did you have your last period?

I've no idea.

I've been so busy lately.

Don't look at me.

There was a time when we were counting.

-When we were trying.

-Another failure.

-No!

We said we wouldn't get obsessed by it,

-that we wouldn't let it split us up.

-Yeah. Now look at us.

Craig, can you just leave it? I've forgotten about babies.

The business is going from strength to strength and...

Can migraine be a symptom of pregnancy?

Yes, it can.

Would you like to take a test?

Sit there.

Keep still, OK?

Oh! Make yourself at home!

Rubbish nurse...

Whatever.

-Drink this water.

-I want my son.

Well, when you're feeling better, you can call him.

-Drink this water.

-No!

Emma, you need to drink water.

It's the only way to flush the garbage out of your system.

Why do you care?

Because you're my patient.

Aren't you my friend?

Are you going to drink the water, or what?

I don't think me and Beth can last much longer.

-Why do you say that?

-We're just so different.

-That's never mattered before.

-Well, it does now.

She's got a career. I'm on the scrap-heap.

Craig, do you think perhaps you're being a little bit melodramatic?

You have to be made redundant to know how it feels.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Look, your confidence has taken a serious knock,

but you can do other things.

You could apply for other jobs. Retrain.

-Start again?

-Why not? You're only in your thirties.

-He's in his twenties.

-Who?

-Martin.

Oh, the guy who was in here before.

Yeah. You only have to look at him.

You know what I saw?

A boring obsessive with a stupid crush.

Beth wasn't interested in him. She wanted you.

And, anyway, do you really think that she would cheat on you?

I wouldn't blame her if she was tempted.

-She also might be pregnant.

-Yeah, right.

How many times did we go through this?

Beth could be pregnant and then she's not.

And it's like another knife in your heart.

And what if she is and it's not mine?

-That's ridiculous.

-You think so?

-Absolutely, I do!

Do you know what, Craig, if you're not careful,

you're going to drive Beth away.

You guys have got so much going for you. Don't blow it!

She's been in there ages.

Not really. Just try not to worry too much.

Something's wrong, I can sense it.

Oh, love, not again...

It's positive.

We're going to have a baby!

YES!

You're like my mum.

Yeah, and you're like mine.

It's too early to go to bed. I don't want to.

Emma, please, just get in.

I feel sad.

-You're just coming down from the drug.

-No!

No, no!

Let's...let's open a bottle.

There is no way you are drinking!

No, come on, let's party! You know, like we used to.

No, those days are over.

I was good to you, though, wasn't I?

-Just try and get some sleep.

-Wasn't I?

Yes, Emma.

# Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top... #

-Come on, sing?

-No.

-I'm not singing to you, OK?

-Sing!

-Mums are supposed to sing.

-I'm not a mum.

Neither was Bren...

She'll smoke or snort anything she can get her hands on.

-Want me to skin you up?

-What?

This drug feels like there's no high,

but just one long, miserable low.

She was difficult and a mess,

but she was my mum.

You're just someone who works in the same building.

Well, if I'd known you were coming I'd have set up the chessboard.

Cancerous cells are killing him, not demons.

Are there any takers for one soul?