01/06/2013 EastEnders Omnibus

ALL: # Happy birthday Dear Kimmy... #

-Thank you!

-# Happy birthday to you! #

Yeah, man!

-Now THAT is what I'm talking about!

-Come on, another! Another!

-Wow, steady!

-What?

No, no. Kim's got some packing to do, she needs to pace herself.

You know, Ray is right. I should keep a clear head.

It's nice, though.

Happy Birthday, babe.

KIM SQUEALS

What is it, what is it, what is it?!

Nice. Must've set you back a bit.

Well, a sophisticated dress for a sophisticated lady.

Oh, it's great!

It's perfect for the next time I've got a meeting at the bank, innit?

No, I was thinking you could maybe wear it for the party tonight.

Yeah, why not?

But you've already picked what you're wearing tonight.

-That's your favourite, innit?

-Really?

Well, maybe I've got a new favourite!

I'd rather wear yours.

Yeah. Thank you!

You're welcome.

-Listen, I'll see you in the Vic at lunch time?

-All right, then.

-Nice one. See you later.

-See ya.

-See you later.

What's with you?

Nothing!

What's with the look? I know that look.

It's the "I'm not telling you cos you ain't going to like it" look.

-Innit, Patrick?

-I'm staying out of that.

Come on, Lauren, up you get!

PHONE KEYPAD BEEPS

Hi, Max, it's me. Can you please give me a ring when you get this?

It's about Lauren.

Lauren!

Get up or I'll do it again.

-OK, all I'm saying is, moving in with a bloke...

-Yeah.

..it's a big step, it's not something you do on a whim.

And, Kim, what about this place, eh? It's your livelihood.

Oh, what, you expect me and Patrick to just step in?

Well, I'll get someone in to manage it then, innit!

Look, just admit it, you don't approve of me and Ray. End of.

No, I don't approve.

Do you know why? You do all the work

and you make all the compromises.

He's asked me to move in with him.

He's bought me a very expensive birthday present.

-What more do you want, blood?

-I just...

I...I don't want to see him hurt you again.

He won't.

Look, you either get with the idea or you can forget

about an invite to our new place.

Because me and Ray, we're for keeps!

Ooh! Here you are.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

There you go. I don't suppose you could stay later tonight?

I've got some new clients that I need to schmooze over drinks.

Um, I dunno...

Please? I'll pay you overtime.

Thank you! That's settled.

Hey, don't know what we'd do without her, do you, Scarlett?

But you said!

We'll see Phil, but not today. OK?

-When?

-Soon.

Don't hold your breath, Denny.

Do you mind?

Why you giving him false hopes?

You know what Phil's like, he uses people then spits 'em out.

Now it's your turn.

Denny, go and get your stuff for holiday club. Yeah?

You want to have a pop at Phil, feel free,

but don't do it in front of Denny. Please.

You hold the truth back from him

and he's going to be more upset in the long run.

-This ain't Phil's fault.

-Oh, don't give me that.

One minute it's all rosy and now you're on the scrap-heap,

and he's swanning around like he don't care.

-TV:

-'Plot 99, look at that.

'It doesn't sound too appealing, plot 99.

'Do you mean it's not actually built?

'No, there's signs of it being built and completed eventually...'

Can I not even watch TV any more?

Come on, Lauren, I hate it when we're like this -

at each other's throats all the time.

Can't be much fun for you, either.

Please? All I ask is that you try and meet me halfway.

Darling, I just don't want you to ruin your future.

Oh, talking about my bright future, I need some new college books.

They're really important.

And I ain't got no money, so... would I be able to borrow some?

Do you seriously expect me to believe that, do you?

Lauren, I've seen your reading list, you've got every book on it.

Not that you read them, cos you're too busy drinking all the time.

Mum, that is so out of order!

There's no booze left in the house, by the way,

just in case you were wondering.

You can keep fighting me on this, Lauren, it don't matter,

you ain't going to win.

You see, the trouble with having a boy

is that you carry heavier at the end.

Well, so they tell me.

Cos I ain't got no comparison cos I only had my Nick.

Well, we don't know if it's a boy.

Well, I told you, didn't I? I've got a feel for these things.

-We'll be able to tell you tomorrow, Dot, if you're right.

-Tomorrow?

Yeah, we got a scan booked.

Ooh, goodness me.

Well, I'd better be off cos I only came in for change.

Mrs Ainsley, she'll be tapping her watch by the soap dispenser!

-See you later.

-Ta.

-Why do you tell her?

-Well, cos she's family, ain't she?

She would've found out sooner or later.

I know what'll cheer you up - Kim, she's having a party later.

A party where I can't drink? Great.

Got a right strop on, ain't you? What's the matter with ya?

You're not upset about me and Jack going to see Adam, are you?

No. I'm done with arguing about that.

Must be hormones.

Whoo! Special cocktail for the birthday girl,

courtesy of a well-wisher.

Come on, come on!

Mmm!

Oh, you remembered the orange liqueur that I love. Thanks, bubs!

Oi, you know I was thinking, for the party,

maybe we can get Rox or Alfie over to mix some cocktails.

-Unless you want to do it...

-Babe, that weren't me.

Kimmy, you like margarita?

I did get it right, didn't I?

-Oh, this is from you?

-Yeah, course. Standard.

Oh! Oh, right.

-And for my special lady so that she doesn't feel left out...

-Oh, wow!

-..a little something for you.

-Wow! Thank you.

Mmm! Oh, it's lovely!

Yeah? I call it The 1D, you know, after our first dance...

-To One Direction's That's What Makes You Beautiful!

-Shh!

-I feel sick! Thanks, Fats. Thanks.

-All right, babe, listen,

I'm going to shoot off.

-Want to spend some time with Morgan before the party.

-Oh, OK.

I'll pop over in a bit to say goodbye.

Don't worry about doing the cocktails. I'll ask Fats.

Don't you think that's a bit tacky?

You know, keep it simple - wine, beer, a bit of punch?

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, let's just keep it simple.

OK. Hey, hey, babe, keep it easy.

You got a big night ahead of you, remember?

You know, I probably won't finish this.

-Cool.

-All right.

We can't stay long.

We've been out all morning and Janine will be worried

if we're not back soon.

Got even more demanding, has she?

-She just likes to know where we are.

-How very caring of her.

We can't talk now, though, cos Satan's little helper's at the bar.

Meet you in the usual place, yeah? Half five.

You're finished work by then?

-Yeah, usually, but...

-Good.

Good.

Don't look so worried.

You OK, Alice? You look a bit tired.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Well, look, Kim and Ray are having a do at the B&B later.

-PHONE RINGS

-So, if you fancy letting you hair down?

-Hi, Janine.

Yeah, I know, sorry...

No, we won't be long. Yeah. Back soon.

All right. Bye.

Sorry. You were saying?

Kim and Ray's party. You can't miss it, darling, they're leaving.

Well, what time does it start?

-Cos I've got to stay late at work tonight.

-Babe,

it's a bank holiday, you shouldn't even be working.

Between them, Janine and Michael have got you run ragged.

What am I supposed to do?

Fight your corner.

It's like you're Cinderella and they're the Ugly Sisters.

Well, I'm your Fairy Godmother, right?

And I'm telling you to stand up to 'em, cos...

then you can come to the ball.

-Yeah. Maybe. All right, I'll speak to you later.

-All right.

I don't know, Tan, she's over 18, and it's not really my place.

Yeah, but I'm not asking you as a manager, am I?

I'm asking you as a friend and as a mother.

All this partying Lauren's been doing,

it's getting in the way of her studies, you know?

Anyway, she's skint, so she probably won't even come in...

Don't worry, I won't serve her alcohol.

You know, I'd...I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same in the Vic.

I'll let Alfie and Roxy know if you like?

Yeah? Thanks.

-Blimey, that must have hurt.

-Tell me about it.

You know, if...if Lauren wants to get wasted,

she's going to find a way.

Yeah. Not an easy one, though, not if I can help it.

Thank you, Gran. It's nice to have you to talk to.

-Aw.

-Mum's always busy at work,

and Dad's wrapped up in the Kirsty-baby stuff.

Oh, dear. Must be hard for the pair of you, you know,

being piggies in the middle.

I don't suppose Cora's much of a support.

Too busy thinking about herself.

-Yeah, and it's not like I can go out either.

-Why?

Do you know how much it costs to be a student these days?

At least my mates get to see each other.

I can barely afford to top up my Oyster Card.

-Would that be a hint?

-No!

I've still got some of my faculties.

Here, will that be enough?

Is that enough to buy a kebab or some such?

That's what your friends and you dine out on these days, ain't it?

Are you sure?

Yes, course I am, go on. Go on.

You know, Ethel and Pauline and me, we used to have some lovely times.

You want to make the most of your friends...while you still got 'em.

Um, Janine.

-About later...

-Yeah?

I...I can't work late. I'm sorry, I really need some time for myself

and I'm sure your client will understand if you rearrange.

You're a working mum, they can't begrudge a contract because of that.

And since when did you go all feminist?!

No, it's OK. It's fine.

Just finish at the usual time.

-Really?

-Yeah. You're important to me, Alice.

And if you're not happy neither am I...

SCARLETT GURGLES Ah, ah. ..and neither is Scarlett.

-And besides, the new client's cancelled anyway, so.

-OK.

SCARLETT GURGLES Bye-bye!

Hi.

I ain't got time for this now, Sharon.

I'm not here for me.

I'm here for Denny.

Look, he doesn't understand why he can't see you any more.

It's a bit low, Sharon, ain't it? Using Dennis as an excuse.

I'm not.

Phil, if I could change things, I would but I...

You can't. You can't, Sharon.

Is there anything else?

No.

-Oi!

-Oh! Oh, oh!

-You are so cheating!

-Am not!

-Yes, you are.

-Right, come on you two,

time for the master to show you how it's really done.

Oh, do me a favour!

He really thinks he's all that and a bag of chips, your dad.

Promise I can come and stay at your new place?

-Yeah. Whenever you like.

-Woodford ain't far,

-you'll hardly know I'm gone.

-Won't be the same, though.

Listen, wherever I'm at, me, you and Sasha -

we'll always be a family.

That'll never change. All right?

And Kim, she's family too.

Yeah, yeah, of course! Of course, Kim.

You know what? I got to go, lots to do.

Can I have a hug?

Come on. Mmm-mmm!

I'm going to miss you, Morgan. Make sure you come round soon, all right?

Later.

But I have got the money.

Yes. The thing is, I promised your mum.

What? When?!

This morning. Look, she's really worried about you, Lauren.

Yeah. It's not even for me.

Don't make this harder for yourself.

Do you know what? Fine. I'll just take my money elsewhere.

And don't even think about trying over at the Vic.

Tanya's already got that covered.

-Looks like she's pulled out all the stops.

-Yeah.

Lauren must have been a very naughty girl.

-So, when does Kim's party start, then?

-Soon.

Just got your message. "Something's come up." I don't understand.

Well, I'm going to Kim's party, so I can't do tonight.

Ah, I knew it. She's inveigled her way into your affections.

How weak of you, Alice.

-I'm not letting Janine get to me.

-No. Clearly.

Well, I won't lie, I'm disappointed.

But never mind, you go to this party. You fill your boots.

That's clearly more important than the welfare of my daughter.

KEYS TURN IN LOCK

Hello?

Oh. You not been out, no?

No. I've got to finish this.

I don't want to fall behind.

Well, I'm glad you've finally seen sense.

You out tonight, then?

Why the interest?

No, I just saw Abi with Jay and...they had Oscar.

I was wondering if they were babysitting for a reason or...?

Oh, no. No, I'm just looking forward to a nice long soak in the bath.

So...you carry on with your essay. I'll try and keep out of your way.

Oh! What's all this?

Yeah, well, I thought about what you said earlier,

about the cocktails and that. Why not?

Besides, I can't have Fats upstaging me.

-Thank you.

-I made this one especially for you.

-DOOR BELL Thanking you.

-I'll get that.

You look beautiful, by the way.

SHE GIGGLES Stop!

Dee, I'm not in the mood...

No, I come in peace!

And I've been thinking about what I said earlier.

And do you know what? I was wrong. Sorry.

Truth is, the only people who know what's good about a relationship

are the people who are in it.

Um, Dee, what do you think about this dress?

Be honest.

Yeah, well, it's not your usual style, is it? But it's...it's...

it's nice. Very grown up.

Am I the first one here?

Let's get this party started then, eh?

You all right, Denise?

Babe, um, what's in this?

Creme de menthe. You're into that, ain't you?

Yeah, yeah, love it.

Phil! It's still working!

Is it?

Sorry.

-Come on, darling, Phil's busy.

-Nah, it's all right.

So how's my favourite lad, eh?

I miss you. So does Mum.

Yeah, and...I miss you too.

Just cos you're not living at mine,

-don't mean you can't pop round now and again.

-Promise?

Yeah, I promise.

Phil, what about what you said?

Dennis shouldn't have to suffer in all this, should he?

Maybe we can...sort something out later in the week.

Yeah.

Denny...

Yeah, she drives me mad, but I'm going to miss her.

Hey, you've still got me, you know.

I just can't imagine you going all suburban, Kim.

Pay attention to the second part of the word.

I intend to be more "urban", and less "sub".

Kim, I reckon you'll fit right in, hanging out with all the WAGS.

Listen, there's more to Essex than overpaid footballers.

Nice houses, good restaurants. Just the place to better yourself,

-Right, babe?

-Hark at him!

-Nothing wrong with being ambitious.

That where you see yourself, Kim, rattling around a big mansion?

Dunno, hadn't thought that far ahead.

You'll be having babies next.

It's the next step, ain't it? Look at Max and Kirsty.

Well, I'm ready for anything. Bring it on.

To pastures new, good luck to the pair of you.

Cheers, Max, mate. Nice one.

Listen, when we're settled, you guys come over for dinner.

Oh, yeah. No more going down the pub for a pint.

It's going to be all dinner parties from now on. Isn't it, Kim?

Yes, Shirl. It's called classy living.

Guess I'll have to forget your invite.

Oi.

How many you had?

Oh, give me a break!

It's a party. Let her enjoy herself!

You all right?

No offence, but Kirsty looks well miserable.

Top up, anyone?

All right?

You finding it difficult not drinking?

Feel a bit dizzy, that's all.

Don't you think you should just slow down a bit?

We're not in your shop any more, Denise, OK?

And this is Kim's party. She ain't bothered, so why are you?

-PHONE RINGS

-Lauren, can you get that?

Have you got the phone?

Hello? Oh, hello, Denise.

She's what?!

-You OK now?

-Yeah, stop fussing.

I care about you, don't I?

Both of you.

Nah, come on, let's go home.

No, I told you, I'm fine.

Babe, I don't want to take any chances, do I? Come on.

LAUREN SQUEALS Yeah!

Young people! People that aren't like a million years old.

Or just act like they are. Come dance with me.

We should say hello to Kim and Ray first.

Um, they don't even care. Come on, come dance.

Specially for you...

Courtesy of Ian. He's very sorry he couldn't be here but he's busy with his restaurant.

He made this for me?

Yeah. Well, I can be very persuasive, you know.

Oh, please...

-Oh!

-Perfect!

-Hope you're happy now, are you?

-I'm really sorry, Kim.

It does actually taste good.

Get your mitts off my cake!

I'm so sorry, I'll pay for any damage.

This your idea of doing an essay, is it?

-Why do you always turn up and ruin everything?!

-Get out!

The girl drinks up our drink, wrecks my cake and no birthday present.

Kids of today, Denise!

Um, Kim, we're not all like that.

Um, from me and Fats.

Oh, thanks, Poppy! Thanks, Fats!

Happy Birthday, babe.

KIM SQUEALS

Me and Fats have got them in blue.

-You haven't, have you, Fats?

-No! Babe, stop joking.

Oh, shut up. You love your onesie!

Babes, it was supposed to be our little secret. OK?

Best present ever.

Ray, look! Look!

Are you joking? Come on, no offence, guys,

but no-one past the age of three should be seen in one of them.

I hope you got the receipt.

LAUREN WRETCHES

All right?

Finished?

Right. Get yourself upstairs. Go on.

I'll bring you a coffee.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Oh, finally found the time to ring me, have you?

Sorry about that. I would have got back to you sooner,

it's just been one of those days.

My heart bleeds for you.

I've got Kirsty...got the scan...

Scan?

I think Kirsty's a bit more stressed than she's letting on.

What did you want to talk me about? About Lauren, weren't it?

'She been up to her old tricks?'

No, she...we had a row this morning, it's blown over now.

-It's fine.

-'You sure?'

-'She was looking pretty lively when I left Kim's earlier.'

-Really?

Yeah, she's fine.

She's in the front room watching telly, good as gold so...

You just concentrate on Kirsty and the baby,

everything's fine here. OK?

All right, I'll see you later.

Bye.

Oh, look who it is!

Can you take her, please, while I just go get myself a drink?

Here we go.

-Can you just take her? I've got to go.

-Alice!

Alice, hang on...

Well, what do you reckon?

Oi, oi!

You never said it was fancy dress.

Then why do you come dressed like that then, Janice?

-Such a shame you're going away.

-I know.

Come on, babe, I can see us in these, you know - DVD,

-brandy, roaring fire...

-Yeah, Kim,

I'd stay away from the fire if I was you.

That looks highly flammable.

Listen, the cab's outside. It's time we said our goodbyes.

Bill, going to miss you, kid.

You think she realises she's only moving to Woodford

and not the moon?

Pops...

Hey, Denise is not the only one who's been like a daughter to me.

Not getting soft on me now, Pops, are you?

Thanks, Pops.

Come here.

It's not like I'm not going to visit though, is it?

Not going to be the same though, is it? Anyway, go to Ray. Go on.

-Be happy.

-You got everything?

Almost. Almost...my bag, my bag, yeah.

Look after her.

-What was our first dance?

-Huh?

Our first dance. What song did we dance to?

I don't know, that was a long time ago, babe.

To be honest that's not the type of thing I keep up in here, yeah?

Babe, let's talk about this in the taxi, the meter's running.

It's not going to work.

Me and you, it's not going to work.

What are you going on about? What you doing?

Look, I like chillin' in a onesie.

Yeah? I like blingy dresses. I hate creme de menthe.

-And I don't want to do dinner parties.

-Whoa, whoa! Slow down.

No-one's expecting you to be the perfect hostess overnight.

-Oh, well, that's big of you.

-No, no, that's not what I meant, babe.

Look, I like chillin' out too, just not in a onesie.

I don't get it.

That's just it. You don't get me, Ray. You never did.

Fats and Poppy know me better than you do.

What does that say about us?

So I get a few things wrong,

that doesn't mean I care about you any less.

Look, it's not just that. I don't remember our first dance. Know why?

Because I'm never in the moment with you, Ray.

I'm always stressing about how I look,

or what I'm going to say or where we're headed.

We should just be. But you and me...

..it's effort.

I don't see this as an effort.

Exactly! Cos we're not equals.

You keep setting this standard, and I'm just not matching up.

-I never said that.

-You didn't have to.

Kim, this is stupid. Are you coming or not?

No.

I think you're making a big mistake.

And I tried talking you out of this. You remember that.

Tell Sasha I'm sorry, yeah?

You all right, babe?

Yeah.

I am! Kimberley Fox can do so much better than that.

I'm really proud of you.

That's a first.

Come on, you lot, get back inside. Party's just getting started!

Just give me a minute, yeah?

All right, babe? Cup of tea?

How you feeling?

Fine. I know everything's all right from last time, don't I?

No, I mean, you ain't been sick again, have you?

Oh... No, not this morning.

Seems silly to go for a scan before 20 weeks,

just to see a blob on a screen.

The amount I'm paying, I want to see more than just a blob.

I know you went on your own last time cos you didn't think it was a big deal, but it is to me.

TANYA: Dot, I cannot apologise enough.

Honestly, I can't. I promise you, this will never happen again.

-Take this so you're not out of pocket.

-No, I didn't come for that...

No, I absolutely insist. Take it, Dot.

I won't take no for an answer.

-If you insist. I'm sorry.

-No, I am.

Lauren, get down here, now!

-I need to get ready for college.

-No, don't even bother lying to me,

cos I've seen your timetable, I know you've got no classes today.

Oh, what?! Privacy issues, much!

Did you just go through my bag for that?

Yeah, I did actually, amongst other things!

Cos I wouldn't have put it past you to sneak some booze back from Kim's last night.

Seriously, Lauren?! Ripping off an old lady for money for booze -

that make you proud, does it?

I didn't rip her off, she gave it to me!

Save it. I don't want to hear it.

Now I'm the one that's out of pocket, so you can pay me back.

How am I meant to do that when I ain't got cash?

You'll have to earn it, like everyone else.

-'Cept I ain't got a job.

-You have today.

You can either do an honest day's work, or I'll call Poppy,

get her to cancel her day off while I sit here

and watch you clean every inch of this house.

With a toothbrush. Your choice.

I just asked you if you wanted to have lunch with me later in the Vic.

-I can't, we're busy at work, innit.

-Phil can't stop you having lunch, there are laws against that.

Maybe I just want to have a sandwich.

-Good morning.

-Do you mind?

I was just saying good morning, is that so terrible?

No, it's not terrible, it's just pointless.

Or have you not got the message yet?

You can't ignore me for ever.

Wanna bet?

Well, I ain't giving up.

Anyway, where were we? Lunch in the Vic later? My...

Look, I already said no, innit!

Don't you ever listen? You're as bad as he is.

FRONT DOOR SLAMS

What happened?

It's like a bomb went off in a Chinese sweat shop!

I'm having a clear out, innit.

What?

Nothing, I just expected to come home and find you

moping about in your onesie, flicking through old photos of Ray.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

All this is the old Kim

-and the old Kim was sending out the wrong message.

-Which was...?

Walk all over me, don't treat me good, don't treat me special.

That was one bloke and you kicked him into touch.

No. It was Ray and all the guys before him.

Now, what have all those guys got in common?

-Dodgy taste in music?

-No. Me! So as of today, the old Kim is dead,

and it's all about the new Kim.

OK...

Well, ain't you going to tell me not to do anything rash,

like you usually do?

No, I think it's a great idea. And I'm going to help you.

Mum, I'm not being funny but your job ain't exactly rocket science.

We're not going to Booty's.

Where we going, then?

You can't be serious!

I am.

And because I know how good you are at getting around Dot,

I persuaded her to swap shifts...

Don't just stand there, Lauren.

I need someone to make a start on this lot.

Right then, I'll leave you to it.

Have fun.

Chop-chop.

What, Tuesday? Today week? Oh, yes, that'll be fine.

I'll make you a Battenberg, I know it's your favourite.

Along with my Jim.... Oh.

Well, I hope she likes marzipan. I'll see you then. Bye-bye.

Mrs B, special occasion? Not everyone gets the Battenberg treatment.

Well, the Vicar's invited himself to tea along with his curate lady,

Myra or Manda or whatever her name is.

They're coming to assess my suitability as a church warden.

Suitability? You've been going to that church for years.

They must know already how good you'll be.

Yes, well, the trouble is I don't think Myra... Manda, whatever, likes me.

I overheard her talking to the vicar, saying that what the church needs is vigour and youth.

So I don't think she's going to go for an old age pensioner.

It's not all down to her though, is it?

You've still got the regular parishioners on your side.

Well, I'm afraid that she is very well liked.

Well, look, if she's really trying to modernise things, it might

take more than a bit of cake to win her round.

Not saying that your Battenberg ain't the business Mrs B, but, um...

But what?

But sometimes...you can be a bit...outspoken.

And winning elections is all about PR, you see,

so it's really important that you brush up on your people skills.

People skills? What are they when they're at home?

Look, it's... It's a bit like what I do in my job.

-Oh, yes?

-Yeah. So...

..why don't I train you up a bit?

-Can I get a black coffee to go, please?

-Sure.

-Thanks.

-Everything all right?

-Why wouldn't it be?

Sorry, just I know you were having a scan today.

Max mentioned it. There's nothing wrong with the baby, is there?

Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?

Course I wouldn't. I'm a mum, Kirsty, you know.

I understand how terrifying all this can be.

I'm sure your baby's going to be perfect.

Just don't go thinking it's the most stressful part of it,

it's just the start, you know.

You never stop worrying about 'em.

But whatever I say about Max, he is a really good dad,

and I'm sure he will be with your baby, an' all.

So...

..you don't need to sit around feeling sorry for yourself, do you?

You've got everything you wanted.

Let me tell you something, in case you ain't noticed -

I'm ignoring you, innit?

-You obviously ignored what I said earlier.

-Have we met?

Since when did I ever take no for an answer?

-Since never.

-Exactly.

Whether you're in a mood with me or not, you've still gotta eat.

I'm offering you pie and chips at the local boozer -

how can you refuse?

You don't even have to talk to me!

You can just sit there and look at your phone like you do,

and I can mutter about how we didn't even have mobile phones in my day.

Yeah, what was it in your day then, carrier pigeons?

Yeah.

Have I got a choice?

No.

-What's so funny?

-Nothing.

What's wrong with our washing machine?

Well, I haven't had time to do any washing,

what with all my revision, so I was hoping you could do it?

Very funny.

Can I have it ironed, as well?

Course you can, darlin'. All part of the service.

Put a bit more effort into it, Lauren.

Nan! It's a bit hard to get excited about other people's knickers.

Less of your lip, young lady. A job's a job.

Trouble with your generation is you think everyone owes you a living.

Well, I got news for you - it don't.

Oh...

Did you put this jumper in the tumble dryer?

Oopsie...

Juvenile little pranks like this ain't gonna make me send you home.

Every time you pull a stunt like this adds another hour to your shift.

What?!

Yeah.

I'm covering for Dot all day long,

and you can either make this as painful or as painless as you like.

Either way, you're stuck here with me until I decide otherwise.

You all right?

All right, Max? You ain't seen Kim since yesterday, have you?

No.

-Hope she's all right. See you later.

-See you later.

You're Tanya's ex, right?

I'm staying at the B&B, the landlady's been filling me in on who's who.

Right, yeah. I bet she has, yeah.

-You are?

-Sam. I used to be with Ava, a million years ago.

How are you doing?

So in another life, we would have been in-laws.

Mind you, you never had Cora for a mother-in-law,

-didn't suffer like I did.

-That woman's got a lot to answer for.

Tell you what, we'll set up a little support group.

There's a seat over there?

Forget that, man. I ain't even hungry no more.

Dexter?!

Oh, found yourself a little friend, have you? That's nice!

I wouldn't bother getting to know him, Max.

Cos as soon as you start to rely on him, he'll cut and run.

-Don't do this.

-Did he tell you that he's Dexter's dad?

Did he tell you that he left us, ran out on us

when Dexter was only three months old?

No, didn't think so.

Cos it's not the sort of thing you say

when you want to make friends and influence people, is it?

I think maybe you two should continue this conversation in private.

Nice to meet you.

I don't want you around, Dexter doesn't want you around.

So there is no point in you hanging around making yourself all cosy!

This is Kirsty Branning.

My husband made an appointment for a scan this afternoon,

but I'm afraid something's come up, I have to cancel...

Thanks. Bye.

-Oh, hello.

-All right, Den, is Kim about?

Yeah, just go on through.

I've gotta get back to work., Just wanted to make sure she weren't in a bad way, after what happened.

-Who's saying that?

-No-one.

Cos if anyone's in a bad way, it's Ray.

I dumped him, remember? He's the dumpee, yeah. I'm fine.

In fact, I'm more than fine. I'm great.

I'm fabulous. OK? Understood?

-Yeah...

-OK.

Well, better get back, then.

Uh, what was that?

I won't let people think that I'm the victim, y'know.

-Where are you going?

-Booty's.

This wardrobe overhaul is not enough.

Yeah?

I need to rethink my whole new look, let the world know that

Kim Fox is back, bigger, better and slimmer than ever!

-Come on, babe, where you been?

-Sorry, I felt ropey. I'm fine now.

Good. Let's go. We'll still make it if the traffic ain't too bad.

Why are you still here?

Believe it or not, I'm trying to build bridges - right a few wrongs.

Bit late for that, ain't it?

Not when it's as important as my own flesh and blood.

-Surely you understand that?

-Uh-uh-uh, you and me - not the same.

True. What you had to do, I can't imagine how hard that must've been.

I'm not trying to make an enemy of you, Cora.

We've never even met properly.

How about you give me a chance to prove myself before deciding I'm the devil incarnate?

If you think you can swan back into that boy's life

and magically make up for all the missed years, you're wrong.

Dexter's too smart for a bit of fly-by-night charm.

-What do you mean? What reason did they give?

-They didn't.

All I know is I rang to see if I needed to bring anything

and they just said they had no record of our booking.

Well, we have, we got that letter they sent out.

-You got it on you?

-No, I... I don't know what I done with it.

Don't matter. We'll go down there anyway.

-We can't.

-Kirsty, it's their mistake, it's not ours.

I tell ya, we're getting that scan today.

Let's go!

I've been meaning to say for some time how much more

I enjoy coming to the Vic now that YOU'RE in charge.

Really?

Yes, I mean, Kat, she was a very good landlady,

but the one thing you've brought to the role...

is class.

Me?

Mmm.

Right. OK. Well, we aim to please.

See, told you you could do it.

I don't think I agree with this "charm" business,

not if it means being so dishonest.

I mean, Roxy is many things, but one thing she ain't is classy.

It's not really being dishonest, just, you know,

a bit of harmless flattery.

Everyone does it.

Hello, baby, you OK?

Hello. We are just testing out Mrs Branning's new people skills.

I think - I think - Roxy was won over,

now we're just going to try Denise in the shop next, yeah?

You're kind of preaching to the converted there, aren't you, babe?

Roxy and Denise, they already love Mrs B, like the rest of us.

Oh, don't, you're embarrassing me.

I'm just saying, if you're going to test those skills,

test it on a tougher audience.

Yes, that's it! Yes. I love it! I love it!

Two, three colours...extensions... Love it.

That's the one.

OK. Right. Well, I'm booked up for an hour

so why don't you have a look at that

and I'll call Gaynor and she can maybe make a start on your make-up.

Right, OK. Bring it on, Tan. Bring it on!

The make-up, the hair. New Kim is a-comin'!

You did good today, I'm impressed.

Go on, off you go.

What? Really?

You can stay if it makes you happy.

I am sorry about before. I was angry at Mum, not you.

In here, there's still a very sweet girl.

She just needs encouragement to come out these days.

What makes you drink until you pass out?

What's making you so unhappy?

Come on. Tell me.

I don't know. Just sometimes...

Right. I'll go, then.

Thought I was doing a double shift.

Or are you just checking up on me?

No, no, not at all.

I just popped in to say thank you very much.

I very much appreciate your stepping in for me.

That's all right. I had a bit of help, as it happens.

Well, it's up to you who you recruit to take the strain off you,

when you find you can't manage.

About yesterday, I am really sorry...

Your mother has apologised on your behalf. Let's leave it, shall we?

Cos what's done is done.

Bye, darling. See you later.

That was very forgiving.

Yes, well, that's what Jesus told us to do,

isn't it? Turn the other cheek?

Well, we must do what he says, mustn't we?

I would appreciate it in future

if you would pass additional staff by me.

You what?

Well, I am the manageress.

And I know that Lauren is family, but she took money off of me

under false pretences.

And I don't think she is to be trusted with the public -

not as she is at the moment.

Shall we go, Mrs Branning?

That girl's been grafting all day long, she deserves a break.

Thou Shalt Not Steal.

That is one of the Ten Commandments,

not that you've ever taken any notice of that.

From what I understand,

you offered Lauren cash with very little prompting.

So she didn't steal from you, she was trying it on!

Anyway, I also remember something in the Bible about people

without sin casting the first stone.

You without sin, Dot?

We are all sinners, Cora!

And don't you go chucking the Bible back at me.

Well, don't keep spouting it every time you want to win an argument!

-You are a very irritating woman, Cora...

-Oh, here we go!

..and you will get your comeuppance on Judgement Day.

I really think we should go, Mrs Branning! Let's...

No! No, no, Poppy. You stay.

Dot likes to run things her way, she can finish the shift.

I'm sure I'll make a better job of it than you will!

With no assistance!

DOOR SLAMS

What happened to the charm offensive?

No offence, but I told you, didn't I?

It's no good doing it unless you mean it and I can't with her -

always having a dig at me faith!

So I'm sorry, but just let's give the "people skills" a miss,

shall we?

All right? If you think you can cancel us

at the last minute, you're mistaken.

-Sorry, sir, I don't...

-It's a joke, innit?

I didn't choose a nice place like this so you can mess us about

cos of your mistake.

If you would just slow down, and tell me your name...

Max Branning. And I know it's in there cos I phoned up and made the appointment myself.

-Branning...

-Yeah.

-The name does sound familiar.

So what happened - another couple come round, flashed a bit more cash?

If there had been a mix up, then of course

we would accept full responsibility, but in this case no error was made.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-I've got something to tell you...

Babe, let me just deal with this. What's that supposed to mean?

You trying to say it's our fault, that what you're saying?

-SHE PANTS

-Are you all right?

Babe? What's wrong?

I can't... I can't...

I can't...

I think she's having a panic attack.

It's all right, my love.

-Can you try and take deeper breaths for me?

-SHE HYPERVENTILATES

Oi! I don't remember saying you could come in!

You know what? I didn't have a choice.

-You didn't give me one.

-What are you talking about?

I didn't just jump out of your lives, I was pushed, partly by you.

The way your mum gave you up when you were a baby,

you always said it didn't matter, but it did.

The whole time we were together, you were

so paranoid I'd leave, you made it impossible for me to stay.

-Oh, what a convenient excuse.

-Is it?

Accusing me of cheating every time I was late home?

Checking through my stuff all the time?

You think I didn't notice?

That's not the way I remember it.

Probably because it's easier to blame me,

but maybe you should be passing some of that stuff Cora's way.

She was this ghost you carried around with you.

I thought things would change when Dexter came along, but it didn't.

So you just ditched us!

I tried to stay.

Not hard enough, Sam!

Me and you were both messed up kids,

but I would've done anything to make it work, I loved you so damn much!

You know I loved you too, right?

No. No, I didn't know that. Not back then. No.

You were my world.

You and little Dexter.

You still are.

No! You need to go.

Just go, Sam.

Babe, you all right, now?

What happened?

I don't know.

Where's she gone, that receptionist?

She's gone to get a nurse, you know, check you over.

I don't want that. I'm all right now.

It's only a precaution.

Has anything like this ever happened to you before?

I weren't blaming you, for the appointment being cancelled. You know that, don't you?

Yeah.

I reckon they'll still be able to fit us in, you know.

There's hardly anyone else here.

Can you get me some water?

Yeah, course.

Mr Branning?

This is one of our senior nurses.

Oh. Did your wife go far?

We got off to a bit of a dodgy start, but she came good.

Yeah? Well, that's something, I suppose.

Compared to most girls of her age, Tan, she's an angel.

I ain't forgotten what you was like at that age, and as for Rainie...

Yeah, I know. I suppose that's why I'm so tough on her, isn't it?

I just don't want her making the same mistakes.

But she's quite a good girl, though, isn't she, given half a chance.

Thanks for today, Mum. See you.

Right. I'm all yours.

Sorry about the wait.

-Do you like the make-up?

-Yeah, I suppose...

Good for you, you know, doing all this.

Honestly, the amount of times I've split up with Max

and I've thought I'll give myself a radical overhaul,

and then I've just bottled it.

Cos I've thought, it is hard enough, ain't it, getting over a broken heart,

without the risk of giving yourself a bad hair day permanently.

Right, come up when you're ready, yeah?

There you go. That's £3.90, please, Cora.

Sorry, I'm a bit short.

Uh, sorry, you know we don't do credit, Cora.

I took 20 quid out the cash point this morning... Don't make sense.

OK, all right, it's fine. Just this once, yeah.

Ta.

Been trying to call you, I was worried about ya.

Why do you do that?

-It was too hot in there, I had to get out...

-I ain't talking about that.

That receptionist said they never cancelled the appointment.

They said you did.

Dee?

In here!

Right. Get ready for the new look!

Come on, then, don't keep us in suspense.

Let's see the new Kimberley Fox!

Ta-dah!

Oh. Am I missing something?

What happened to the whole major image overhaul?

You know, I got thinking, maybe I'm not the one who needed to change.

It's all those guys who got it wrong, innit?

And what about all that lot?

They can stay.

Except for this.

Maybe I must have bought it when I was drunk or something,

it's got spinster written all over it, ain't it?

That's mine! You borrowed it for a job interview.

-Remember?

-Yeah.

So, let's be clear about this, the NEW Kim is OLD Kim -

you're changing nothing?

My thinking is, why mess with perfection?

If it ain't broke, don't fix it, innit!

-Yeah, girl!

-Yeah.

I never intended to go today.

Why not?

The last few weeks, I've wanted this baby more than anything.

That's what makes it all worse.

Babe, what you talking about? I don't understand.

When we got back together, I thought...

"I'm going to give this man everything",

and that's what I've been trying to do.

You need to remember that, when you're hating me.

Why would I hate you?

Because of what I did.

Because of the lies.

I wanted everything to be so perfect...

..and now it never will be.

It's just all messed up.

This is all my fault.

It IS my fault. I've just been pushing you too hard.

Like with this scan, you said you didn't want to go,

but I didn't listen to you, did I?

Just went on and on.

-I'm sorry...

-No, Max, it's me!

You told a little white lie

to get out of something you didn't want to do.

You haven't ruined everything, have you?

I have!

You ain't gonna scare me off that easily.

Babe, please can you just trust me?

I know, all right, I know I weren't there for you first time round...

Please. Things are different now, ain't they?

I'll prove to you.

I'll prove to you, I'm here.

I'm here for the long-haul.

Just you, me, and Baby Branning, it's everything.

It's everything I want.

Oh, look, here she is.

There you go, there's whites and colours in there.

This is new. Says - wash separately before use.

-What are you talking about?

-Your nan says you're a natural.

Um, can I have these washed too? Yeah, these trousers are handwash.

-So that's cold water, Lauren.

-You two are hilarious, aren't you(?)

-Yeah.

-Yeah, you're such a good washer.

-Laundress.

-Oh.

-She's a laundress.

-OK.

You ever thought about that, have you,

-a professional career in clothes-washing?

-OK. I get it,

-all right? I'm just going to go get a coffee.

-Are you?

-Yeah, I'll be fine.

Yeah, of course.

Look, here. Take that. For your coffee.

No, it's all right, I've got cash.

I know. Get yourself a bun...or something.

Thanks.

-See you later.

-See ya.

-Off out somewhere?

-Just going to get a coffee.

-That's nice. Need any money?

-No, it's all right.

Good. Cos I'm a bit skint, myself.

-OK.

-Yesterday, I had £20 in my purse.

Now it's gone.

Know anything about it?

Um... You spent it?

No.

It's a mystery, then, isn't it?

It was there when you was helping at the laundrette.

And when you went, it was gone.

OK. That's a good story, Nan.

See you later.

Phil!

Denny...

LAUGHTER

Sorry about that. Got a bit...distracted.

What can I get you?

-Can I have a coffee, please? To take away.

-Of course.

You all right?

What have you brought me here for, Poppy?

-We're going to help you become church warden.

-Oh, no, not that again.

It was enough of a disaster yesterday and,

if it's all the same to you, I've decided to give it the elbow.

Oh, come on, Mrs B, we still think you can do it.

Well, don't think I don't appreciate your support.

But the reality is that Ms Quinn, she is the curate

to Mr Stevens, who is the vicar, and she's got his ear.

And you know how gullible he is with women.

I mean, look how he was after my Rose, Arthur.

-Yeah.

-And she has persuaded him that

the future of the church lies in it being modern.

Well, you're very modern, Mrs Branning.

Not according to Ms.

According to Ms, I'm a relic of the church, well-past my sell-by date.

Well, look, I made a promise to help you become church warden, right?

So I'm not going to let this Ms Quinn,

or any other little setback, derail me, right?

-Are you?

-Am I what?

Are you going to let yourself be derailed?

Oh, all right. No.

You see, that is the Mrs B I know and love.

Right, let's get started, then.

Yummy! Can Mummy have one?

Who's that, Lexi? Is it Pops? Who's that? Look! It is.

-Say hello, Pops!

-All right?

-Hiya, Pops.

-Managed to get any kip yet?

-Nah.

Lola, you're up feeding her two or three times a night.

-You're going to wear yourself out.

-I'm fine. Look at me.

I'm absolutely fine.

Yeah, you're fine now. But what about tonight?

Tomorrow night, and the night after that?

You've got to get some sleep, Lo.

Pops, I've had plenty of sleep, all right?

Haven't we, Lex? We've had plenty of sleep.

Yeah, I have.

He's a good boy, that Denny.

-He's obviously very fond of you.

-What are you on about?

Well, he reckons that you and him are great mates.

-Why do you think he thinks that?

-I don't care.

Is it because his mum thinks it?

-How's this got anything to do with you?

-Well, she thinks that

you and her might have another chance.

Why don't you do the right thing, Phil, and just put her straight?

I had it at lunchtime, did my shift, stopped off for a drink,

-and it was gone.

-Well...what are you saying? You...

No.

I'm worried sick about her.

Look what happened the last time I accused her, Mum. She's not a thief.

This is different. We've been here before.

-She's nothing like Rainie.

-Isn't she?

I wouldn't want to make the same mistakes again.

Well, thanks for your advice, Mum. But actually,

I don't recall you being much help when it came to Rainie.

In fact, I don't recall you being around at all, so...

What about her father? Why ain't he pulling his weight?

He's got his own family to worry about now, hasn't he?

Anyway, Mum, I don't want him sticking his nose in, you know?

I can manage on my own. I am managing.

Whatever you say.

You could've knocked.

-It's a surprise.

-I've got to work.

-You ain't working yet, are you?

Until then, you can kick back and relax. Come on. Bed.

Bed. Move it. I've done your favourite.

There you go.

Enjoy.

Got a present for you, an' all.

It's not all for you, but...

-Max...

-Babe, just open it. Go on.

See, look...

They're cute, ain't they?

Stickers. You stick 'em on, peel 'em off. Move them about.

Be nice, won't they, on the nursery wall?

-Yeah. They're perfect.

-I might get started on that nursery tomorrow.

But I just want to prove to you, you know.

I meant what I said. I'm going to look after my little family.

You're a good one, Max.

Enjoy your lunch, all right? And relax.

-No way!

-What?

-Gearbox bearing.

-Ooh!

-This is the worst job. I ain't doing this one on my own.

I think we're going to rock-paper-scissors this one, boys.

-THEY LAUGH

-That ain't fair!

I was under there. We need a warning system in place.

-Rules is rules. Enjoy that one.

-This is workplace bullying.

I'm having a word with the union.

-Oh, whatever!

-This what you call work, is it, mucking about?

-This what I pay you for, is it?

-We had three jobs this morning,

the alignment on this one's almost done.

We'll have this service finished and the place swept before afternoon tea.

-And clean out the pit, an' all.

-It's clean.

-You want to argue with me?

-No. Clean out the pit.

-What are you talking...?

No-one goes until it's done.

-What was all that about?

-He's in one of his moods, ain't he?

-He's made me hungry. I need a snack after that.

-You read my mind.

-Shall we get chip butties?

-Who's going?

THEY LAUGH

-Well, that ain't fair, is it?

-Rules is rules.

-We need to have a word about these rules, cos this ain't right!

-Yeah, yeah.

-Nah, nah, this ain't right.

-Salt and vinegar, yeah?

What's that?

I knew you were... I knew.

Yes, but I already had a makeover, ain't I? Dotty done it.

She even made me get my ears pierced.

Mrs Branning, with all due respect,

makeovers are for teenage girls at slumber parties, right?

Did Hillary Clinton have a makeover?

Um, Maggie Thatcher? Jackie Kennedy?

No. They all had style.

And style is what wins hearts.

No-one cares what comes out of David Cameron's mouth,

as long as he looks good in a suit, you know,

and don't cheat on his wife.

-That... THAT is style.

-Who'd cheat on her? She is fit, man.

Look who it is! How you doing?

Hi, Lola. Hello, beautiful lady!

-She all right?

-Yeah, she's brilliant.

Right, listen... Any chance you can do a shift this afternoon?

Tanya can't come in and we are really heavy with late bookings.

I don't think I can, I've got a meeting with Trish.

Oh. Well, what about after that? I mean, anything you can do.

Who's going to have her? Pops is working.

Can I maybe bring her here?

You know I would love that,

but we've tightened up on Health and Safety, it's just not safe.

No, I understand. I'm going to have to say no.

I mean, I could really use the money, but I can't.

Oh, sweetie. Look, we'll figure something out, all right?

-We'll get you back in.

-Yeah. I'm really sorry.

-No. It's OK.

I totes understand.

..Mrs Branning, do you want to head upstairs, yeah?

-If you say so.

-I won't be a sec.

-Don't worry, all right?

-OK.

You little gorgeous girl, you! Ain't you so beautiful?

Ain't you so beautiful? Just like your mummy.

How long have we had this gin?

-Um, since I ordered it.

-What was wrong with the old one?

All the glasses came back empty, didn't they?

Why don't you sample the new one, Phil? Oh, no!

I'm sorry, I forgot. You can't, can you?

Any more helpful feedback, please put it in writing.

-You have been spending a lot of time alone recently, from what I've heard.

-You want a slap, or what?

-Go on. Try it.

-No-one's slapping anyone.

Janine, go and do what you've got to do in the office, yeah?

The suggestion box...

is right here, Philip.

You can keep it shut, an' all.

Oh, I've long given up telling you what to do.

Stuck in that house on your own, no less than you deserve. Excuse me.

How's, er, how's Dennis?

He's fine.

Is that it?

-What do you want?

-A bit more information would be nice.

Well, he misses you, if I'm honest.

He won't let me put milk on his cereal.

I can't do it like Phil does.

-He'd like to see you.

-Well, he's always welcome, you know that.

How about later? I mean, you can come an' all, if you like.

-Really?

-Yeah, of course. I'll get some grub in, some pop,

sausage rolls, whatever he wants.

-Be nice for all of us.

-You serious?

-Why wouldn't I be?

-Well, I'll put it to Denny.

-All right.

Has Lauren been in?

-All right, Tan?

-Hi.

-You OK?

-Yeah, fine.

-Good. Um, just pay for those, please.

-She was in earlier.

-OK, thanks.

-Who?

-No-one.

-Well, she just said that...

-It's none of your business.

-Yeah, all right.

-All right.

Mum's looking for you.

-What a surprise!

-She's only looking out for you, Lauren.

Does she not know that I am an adult?

Oh, really? So that isn't a sick stain on your shirt?

OK, fair point.

Why did you become so grown-up?

-You mean boring?

-No, I don't.

I mean... I don't know, you always seem to make the right decisions.

Yeah, and so do you.

Sometimes.

Occasionally. But you are trying.

I stole £20 out of Nan's purse.

What? When?

-Yesterday.

-Why?

I don't know. I didn't even think about it.

I just saw it, it was there...

Here we are.

What do you want me to say, Abi?

Why do you keep doing this, when things are going well?

Are you stupid?

Does she know?

I reckon.

-Does Mum?

-PHONE RINGS

I'm guessing so, cos that's, like, the 15th time she's tried to call me.

You going to give it back?

Not exactly.

Why not?

Because I spent it.

What on?

Does it matter?

Drink?

Yes, all right, Abi, I...

I get it. I'm stupid.

Please don't be mad at me.

Well, you've got to give it back.

I think we've established

that I don't have it.

You will.

DOORBELL RINGS

-Hey!

-Phil!

-Hi, mate. OK? You ready to race?

-Yeah!

-Go on, then, get your jacket off. Everything's set up.

-Go and get yourself a sausage roll and a drink, yeah?

-Cool!

-Hi.

-Hi.

And how's she sleeping?

Yeah, brilliant. I mean, I watched her all night.

-She barely even moved.

-All night? You didn't sleep?

Yeah, I had about an hour. But I sleep right next to her,

so I would have heard if anything was wrong.

-Does that happen often, that you don't sleep?

-Er...