09/06/2013 EastEnders Omnibus

-Dad.

-Mm-hmm?

You know that pocket money I've been saving?

-What, you want to invest in a restaurant?

-No.

-Smart lad.

-I'm going to buy a...

-Are you going to invite Peter?

-Peter?

-Yeah. To the grand opening on Friday.

-It's a long way to come. He'll probably be busy anyway.

-I've made breakfast!

-Where you going?

-School.

-You're early.

-Meeting a friend.

-I've made breakfast!

-DOOR SLAMS

-So what's the plan for today, then?

-What?

-Scarlett.

-Where am I going to meet you?

-I'm not sure if I can get away today.

-So when do I get to see her?

-I don't know, maybe tomorrow.

Alice, let me walk you through this again.

The only way I get to see my daughter - the only way -

is if you help me.

Because of the way Janine is,

because she's so revolting and intransigent.

Do you think she's being fair, then? Do you think she's right?

-No, but she does love Scarlett.

-Don't be obtuse.

She doesn't care about Scarlett, she's doing it to hurt me.

-So if I can find a way of getting through to her...

-OK, OK.

-I'll try and get out today.

-Try?

Yeah, I will. I will.

Good.

Half eleven then, the swings.

-OK.

-OK.

Morning.

Right, I thought you could have your breakfast at the caff today.

Why?

Because today is apology day.

-I don't feel well.

-Well, tough.

Look, Lucy didn't press charges and all she wants is an apology.

And I think she deserves one.

All right? Haven't seen the electrician, have you?

He's supposed to be doing the dimmers.

Yeah, came in about ten minutes ago and took his tools.

-He can't do that to me!

-I think he has.

You see, if I'd been the main contractor

none of this would have happened.

I've got the press coming to take photos and everything.

He hasn't done the lights!

Yes, this is Ian Beale, soon as you get the message can you call me?

He's not answering his phone now.

Annoying when that happens.

-Forget the photographer.

-I can't.

If I don't get the photos into the press, I open with no publicity.

Well, I suppose I could fix the lights for you.

Could you? Cheers, Sam!

You sure you want to use these?

Yeah, why not?

Nothing wrong with them, they're very serviceable,

-that's why they're so common.

-Common?!

I know where you can get some very classy candelabras.

The light flickers.

Yeah, we'll stick with these, OK,

-and I'll work out how much I owe you later, yeah?

-Cool.

-Where you going?

-Breakfast.

-Sam, we haven't got time!

It's all about pacing yourself.

Jay, he's good at all the fuel and the mechanics,

-but he don't get the electrics like me, I'm telling you.

-That's great.

We put the car on the website, so we think by lunch time today

-we should have enough money to book our holiday.

-Mmm-hmm.

And Jay and I thought that we'd go shoot hippo on the Zambezi(!)

-You'll probably like that.

-Mum, are you even listening to what I'm saying?

-Yes.

"Do up old banger, blow money on holiday and girls."

Hello. Sam? Are you around at lunch time?

Is my bag in... What are you doing?

Mrs Branning, what you doing?

Well, the vicar, he's coming round tomorrow to talk to me

about being a church warden.

And you know what they say, "Cleanliness is next to godliness."

And them curtains, they won't do.

OK, you're not going up on that ladder,

not after what happened to Patrick.

Yeah, but them curtains, they need washing.

OK, well, Fats can come over and take 'em down.

He'll bring them to the laundrette later, yeah?

Oh, all right.

You know, I've decided not to make the vicar a Battenberg,

I'm going to do Victoria Sponge.

Or maybe I'll branch out and make one of me lemon drizzles.

Hello, baby!

Yes, OK, I understand.

Take curtains to launderette, all right, cool,

give me about an hour.

Can you stick the keys underneath the mat for me?

OK, anything for my little sweetheart, yes...

Take him straight back and tell them you want your money back!

You all right, little man? Big sis getting on your case?

She won't let me keep Monty.

Who?

He's sleeping.

Wow. That is cool, man!

-Thanks. I just bought him off a friend.

-Yeah. How much?

-£20.

-£20?!

-Including some food and the vivarium.

-The what?

It's what they call the cage.

Lucy said I can't keep him.

Don't suppose you could look after him,

just until I take him back tomorrow morning?

Oh, little man, what am I supposed to do with him?

He'll be all right in your room, he's got food and water,

just until the morning. Please?

All right, man, all right. OK.

Just make sure you're over there

first thing in the morning to pick him up. Yeah? OK.

-Hello.

-Hiya.

-Morning.

What's that? Oh, lovely.

Nice picture.

Yeah, my dad on his stall, mid '80s. I got a load of 'em done.

Yeah, it's lovely, darling,

but don't you think you should you get this place straight

before you start worrying about your pictures?

You know what he used to say, "Stick to what you know,

"do what you're good at. Keep your head down."

-Ian...

-What?

-You haven't sent out the opening invitations?

Yeah, it's all right, I need to prioritise.

Darling, you need to get them sent out,

or no-one's going to be here on Friday.

Do you want me to do 'em? I've got time, it's my day off.

No, it's fine, I'll do it, OK? I know who they've got to go to.

Yeah, but I can do the local ones for you, save you some stamp money.

No, I'm not inviting all them freeloading locals, OK?

These are for business customers.

Sorry, I thought that this place was for friends and family?

Yeah, and it will be.

Right, so you're going to want to send some out

to Bobby, Lucy, Peter - you know, people who matter.

No, because these are for business customers, OK?

Customers with money, that's what I need.

-I beg your pardon, didn't realise you didn't need the rest of us.

-Well, I don't.

Right. That's just as well then, cos you're on your own.

Oh, Denise...

Morning.

-Hi.

-Hi.

What's that?

-Michael's things.

-Oh.

-I'm just getting rid of them.

He might want them.

Well, then he can go and buy them back from the charity shop.

Scarlett's upstairs in her cot.

So, you're not at the restaurant today then?

Yeah, but I'm just finishing my breakfast.

Oh. How is it going over there?

Ah, not good. Ian's electrician's done a bunk,

half the furniture's missing,

and mine host looks like he's about to flip.

He's got the press coming to take photographs of the place today

and it's only me doing any work.

Yeah, rushed off your feet. Don't know how you cope(!)

It's not the hours you put in, it's the quality.

But you're going to be finished by Friday, aren't you?

Not a chance!

I've only got one pair of hands

and he's going to need a lot more if he wants to open on time.

What? I ain't got ketchup on my face, have I?

How about you doing something worthwhile today?

Morning, partner.

-Morning, what are you so happy about?

-Payday, innit?

-You reckon the car's going to get sold?

-I reckon the bidding should be in full flow by now.

-Why don't we check.

-No point, there'll be loads of bids first thing,

-but later, the serious buyers get involved.

-Really?

After lunch we'll have some idea of how much we'll make. I was thinking

we should save up some of this money after the holiday, get another car, and do it up.

-Can do.

-Morning.

-All right, cuz?

What you looking so pleased about?

Cos...we're selling the car today.

-So we really are going on holiday?

-Yes.

Camping. Caravan site. Little hotel on the coast.

Yeah, that sounds good, but isn't that going to be expensive?

Told you, we're paying for it, so it's down to us.

You can count me in. See you later.

Have a nice day. Ta, babe.

By the end of the year we could be working for ourselves.

Thank you.

-Everything all right?

-Yeah, man, very nice.

Hey, I hope the old man's new restaurant is just as good.

It will be, just not as cheap.

Can't believe I'm doing this.

Oh, come on, you're getting a free breakfast out of it, ain't you?

And what can we do for you?

I...

I came to, um...

You know...

No. I'm a mind-reader now?

I came to... make sure that we were OK.

Yeah, yeah, we are just great(!)

Ah, sleep, little Monty.

Sleep, yes, that's it.

She's fast asleep.

Good. I've got to go over to the office.

Billy has managed to crash the computer again.

Oh, OK.

-Don't know how long I'll be. See you.

-Bye.

-I didn't hear you come in, Lauren.

-I'm not stopping.

Hiding, are you?

Me? No.

-Really?

-Maybe a little bit.

Well, hiding away, running away from things ain't no good.

I should know.

I've done something stupid again.

Well, they say that you learn from your mistakes,

so you must be the family genius of Walford.

My mum says I've got some apologising to do.

Oh, yes?

But what's the point if they're not going to accept your apology?

Yes, well, if you do the Christian thing

and offer the olive branch, it's up to them to accept it.

And if they don't, and if you meant it,

then you've done the right thing, ain't you?

All right, Mrs B? I've got your curtains here.

Oh, right. Put them down by that machine, will you?

Mind out, Lauren. Thank you.

-All right, Lauren?

-Yeah, you?

-Yeah, cool.

-Thank you, Arthur.

Cool. All right. Laters.

I am really sorry about taking your money.

I wanted it for a drink.

Another stupid thing that I like to do.

Well, that weren't so hard, was it? It's all right, Lauren.

It's all forgiven and forgotten.

Thank you.

We thought you could use some help.

What, you think I can't cope?

Of course you can, we're just here to lend a little support.

We ain't got anything better to do.

No, no, desperate to fill our hours, with worthwhile-ness.

Uh, Sam said that you've got a photographer coming?

Yeah, lunch time. But I don't think I'm going to be ready.

Sorry, what ain't ready?

Just have a look at the place?

The kitchen's not ready, the gents' loo doesn't flush,

and, oh, haven't got any table decorations.

But, Ian, what are you advertising?

Your kitchen, your toilet, or your restaurant?

All he needs to photograph is that corner over there.

You think if the B&B punters could see in my rooms they'd stay in my place? A slap of paint does wonders.

I've never said this before, you know, but Kim's right.

We get the front here looking good, who cares about the rest?

-It's called the art of advertising.

-OK, Ian, three hours.

I'd appreciate your help.

You're welcome.

Alice!

Hey, where are you going?

Uh, to the...swings.

She's still asleep?

Oh, she's asleep again. What have you been doing with her,

staying up all night watching girlie movies?!

-Yeah, do you think Bridget Jones's Diary is just a little bit too old for her?

-Yeah, probably.

I'm joking. Look, why don't I take her for a couple of hours?

I thought you had a meeting this afternoon.

I do, but I'd like to spend some time with her.

Plus, the client is a bit of a sucker for kids,

so Scarlett can distract him while I put his rents up.

-Really?

-Yeah. It's about time she started earning her keep.

-I'll see you later.

-OK.

I just want to say...

look, you don't have to accept my apology,

you don't have to forgive me, but...

I'm really, really sorry for my pathetic and childish behaviour.

I am.

Lucy, I am, I'm really, really sorry.

And I'll pay for any of the damage.

Forget it. We all do stupid things occasionally.

Thank you.

Of course I'm interested.

I'm just finishing off a big job on the Square.

I'll pop by and give you a price at about two?

OK? Good.

Hey. Walford's turning out to be real lucky for me.

What did you want to talk about?

The other day, when we kissed.

Big, big mistake.

Not for me.

I can't go backwards, Sam, this is a whole new life for me and Dexter.

You can't just expect to walk back into it like nothing's happened.

I've got to get back to work.

You'll always be a big part of my life.

I need you to stay out of mine.

BABY CRIES

PHONE RINGS

Oh, Alice! Couldn't give me a hand, could you?

Just want to shove 'em over here, darling.

That's really great, Lauren. Well done.

You all right, darling? You seem really fed up.

Do you want me to paint your nails for you,

make you feel a bit better?

Actually, we've got some great new glitter varnishes. Yeah?

-No, I'm all right, thanks.

-You all right, Tan?

I'm fine, yeah. Really good, actually. Anyone want a coffee?

-Hot chocolate?

-Nice. Alice?

-No, thanks.

-Sure?

Yeah, these new varnishes, we've got a nice new pink range.

You can be my guinea pig.

Trouble is you can never find anything round here.

Tan, where are the new glitter varnishes?

Wherever you left them.

Oh, here they are!

Oh. We've got that brand.

It's good, innit?

That, um... That is yours.

-It's your conditioner.

-What do you...

Oh, sorry, things keep falling off this shelf.

I keep saying, Tan, we need to move that display.

It's the way you stack it.

Could have been really embarrassing for Alice.

-Do you want to take a seat?

-I have to go.

-You sure you don't want...

Do you need a hand?

No. I don't need no help. Thanks.

I do.

I really need you to forgive me.

Because I'm really, really sorry, Whitney...

You're sorry? Sorry for what?

Which one is it - smashing the window, hitting Lucy,

or snogging my boyfriend?

I know I've been a really, really bad friend.

But I've been too scared to come and talk to you.

Cos if you don't forgive me, Whitney, I don't know what I'm going to do.

I really miss you.

-You - out.

-Ian, I'm just apologising.

-I don't want any trouble.

-She just came to say sorry.

It's one thing saying sorry, it's another thing proving it, isn't it?

You've got every right to be angry at me,

but I just want to prove that I can change.

-I just... I need a chance.

-Forget it.

Ian, come on. Have you never done anything that you really regret?

That you're really, really sorry for?

This isn't about me, OK. It's about Lucy and the window.

Yeah, I've apologised to Lucy and I want to pay for any of the damage.

You said you need extra staff for the opening night.

Anyone can carry canapes, can't they?

Not for free.

All right. But it's your last chance.

So, hold on, by lunch time today we've been offered...

I don't even believe this, bruv - nothing!

-What?! I thought it would've sold.

-It's has to, bruv, it's a great car.

-We've promised the girls now, what we going to do?

-Do about what?

Uh, nothing.

Have you sold the car?

No.

That's because the buyers are still fighting over it.

OK. Well, I cannot wait to go away.

Do you want dinner at mine tonight to celebrate?

Yeah, sounds great.

-Yeah? OK. See you.

-See you later.

Why?! Why did you let her think we sold that car?

Oh, look how happy she was! I can't spoil that, bruv. Do you want to spoil that?

Got to go a little bit more to the left... Yeah, like that.

I wonder what me old man would've made

of me having to start all over again?

I think he'd say he's very proud of his son for not giving up.

Come on, let's get going.

Dave, Dave Seymour, Walford gazette.

-You're early.

-Yeah, I've got to get to an infant school sports day,

apparently they're going for the egg-and-spoon relay record.

You know, Olympic legacy and all that.

-I thought this was a "new opening" story?

-It is...

Really? Looks a bit of a mess.

It's just, you know, we've got lots to do... Finishing touches.

Yeah. And a talented boy like you can make it look great, innit?

-With your big zoom and your... wide angles.

-Well...

Bet there's all sorts of things you can do

-with this sort of equipment, eh?

-It's all right, sis. I got it.

Older sister. So, you don't need to see the whole place, do you?

What am I shooting? You haven't even got any tables set up.

Don't you go anywhere. I'll grab a tablecloth from the market.

The camera doesn't lie,

but it's going to do a bit of fibbing today though, ain't it?

All right. Grab a couple of candles as well.

Right. Who's going to be your punters?

-Punters?

-Oh! Me and Patrick.

-What?!

-You need a couple of happy punters enjoying their food.

You know, it is a restaurant.

Who's the waiter?

Whitney.

Huh?

Oh, photos. No, no, you can do that, I'm not going to be in any picture.

Thank you.

Come on, Whit, it's easy. Plus, you're the head waitress.

-I haven't got any food to serve.

-Anything will do.

-I can't just do "anything".

-What about the cafe?

You can just knock something up there.

Patrick, this is a gourmet restaurant. We don't just "knock something up".

All right, I'll go to the cafe. Won't be long.

-I really don't have time for this.

-Oh, yes, you do.

PHONE RINGS

-What you got there?

-One special and a cheese salad.

-Right, that'll do.

-What do you mean "that'll do"?

-Thanks, love.

-Dad, are you...

Damn it, Monty! Um... Monty?

Monty is, um...Bobby's pet...mouse.

Listen, don't worry about it, I'll come pick him up later, OK?

It's just a mouse.

Dot will be fine with it, I swear, it'll be fine.

I've got to get going.

No, no, it's fine. I'm here. I'm here.

Someone get me two plates and a couple of spoons, please.

Come on quickly, quickly.

-Here you go.

-Stick that in two glasses, yeah? Go!

That looks really nice, actually.

Right. Pan-fried lamb.

Mustard mash with rocket.

Kind of good enough to eat.

Yeah, man, now you're talking.

OK, waitress, let's go.

OK, this is pan-fried lamb with honey and mustard mash.

Look at the food.

Fruit juice? You trying to kill me?

Look at the food.

Place it on the table again.

Heads up a bit heads up a bit, heads up a bit. Great.

Take the food away. Put it back in again.

Lovely.

-There you go. Looks all right, don't it?

-Yeah.

Who are the couple, for the article?

It's Kimberley Fox and Patrick Trueman.

Are they local?

Yeah, yeah, they are.

Excuse me a minute.

I just want to say thank you for all your support.

You're welcome.

Can I ask you one more favour?

No, look, can you just hand these out for me?

Invitations?

Yes. For family and friends.

You might need a stamp for that one.

Just hope it's worth his while.

Well, why wouldn't it be?

Listen, it's going to be a great night. And a great restaurant.

Monty? Monty?

Oh, poor Bobby.

Oh, hello.

You're home early.

All my appointments aren't till later

so I thought I'd help you get ready for the vicar.

Oh, that's ever so kind of you.

You can scrub the front step.

Oh, and I've decided on a Victoria sponge.

Oh, lovely.

Off you go.

Oh, after you.

Right, well, I'll go and get the cleaning bits, then.

Where's the sponge?

Alice. Alice! What's happened?

-Janine turned up.

-She wanted to be with Scarlett.

-Have you told her I've been seeing her?

-No, of course I haven't.

-But you want to?

-I can't do this any more.

-I can't do this to Janine...

-Please, spare me the Good Samaritan!

You're worried about poor old Janine?!

She's a good person, she's a loving person.

No, she's not. She's beguiled you. Look at you!

Think about how she's treating me! She doesn't love anyone.

Then why does she keep looking at a picture of you, her and Scarlett?

Her family! She still loves you, Michael!

Normally I hate mice, but

Monty was such a cute little thing, you know.

Can't have been much more than a baby.

Don't upset yourself.

'And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes

'and there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.'

Now that is Revelations, Poppy, that is chapter twenty one, verse...

four.

TIMER RINGS

Ooh, me cake!

This is the vicar's favourite. I don't think she'll like it much.

Who won't?

Myra... Mandy... whatever her name is.

His curate. Little Miss Look-down-your-nose.

Thing is, Mrs Branning, I'm worried what I'm going to say to Bobby.

Perhaps we could have a little funeral. Huh?

You know, the vicar might bestow a blessing. Bobby'll like that.

The thing is, I've already thrown Monty in the dustbin.

Got any rubber gloves?

When did you last have it, Jenna?

I remember taking a call from a client in here about seven last night.

Well, let me phone your phone, yeah? What's the number?

Thing is I always switch it off at night to work on my dissertation.

-Oh!

-I'm fully booked today but no phone means no more business,

-which would be a complete pain, you know.

-Yeah.

-Well, if it shows up, I'll let you know.

-Thanks Kim, you're a sweetie.

-S'all right.

-I'll get that.

-Thanks.

Kimmie, don't worry about her phone, where's my breakfast?

Oh, about that - there's a slight problem with the bacon.

-Not again, man?

-I can pop over to the shops.

-No. That's going to take ages.

-Where you going?

-I'm going to Baconland! All right?

-Baconland?

-You all right, Abs?

-Hiya.

-Don't ask for bacon, babe.

Did you speak to your dad?

Yeah and...?

-He wants to take it for a test drive!

-You're joking?

No, but it's got to be, like, now, cos he's busy later.

-Does Dexter know?

-Not yet. But I've got to go.

-I'll be late for my chemistry exam.

-Good luck.

Listen, I'll meet you in the cafe later, yeah?

Dexter's going to be well happy. Holiday here we come!

SHARON'S MOBILE RINGS

Janine, I'm having my breakfast.

I just wondered if you'd seen Phil's latest bright idea for the club?

Well, I've had a lot on my mind, sorry.

-It's nonsense. Trust me.

-'So?'

So, I'm looking for allies. Impertinent question, I know...

..but how are you two getting on these days?

Hi Poppy. Fatboy told me he left Monty here.

Oh. Bobby. Um... I think you'd better come inside.

-Dad says I've got to take him back...

-Yeah.

-It's not fair.

-Oh, hello, Bobby.

Where's Monty?

I have your qualified approval?

-Janine?

-Oh, he's here. Speak soon.

-Phillip!

-You're sitting in my chair.

And you need some lessons in to how to be a gentleman!

So, what's this all about?

You're not serious about this, are you?

Does what it says on the tin. Blokes, booze and football.

What's not to like?

Let me count the ways.

You're allowed to cry, Bobby.

-It's not Monty I'm upset about.

-No?

Won't get all me money back now, will I?

He's his father's son, all right.

Well, I don't suppose it was that expensive, eh?

What are you doing?

How about I give him some money... there you go.

-Yeah?

-Three pounds?

I paid twenty quid for it and they're thirty quid in the shops.

And that's for a baby.

Thirty quid for a baby mouse?

-The mouse was its food.

-'It'? What's 'it'?

-Monty's a snake.

-Oh, my Godfathers!

-He won't have gone far.

You mean it's here? In this house? A snake? In my house?

And with the vicar due in less than half an hour?

-Corn snake. Harmless.

-I don't care what it's called!

Look, I'm not stopping here a minute longer.

Ooh, I shall have to cancel the vicar!

Oh, to think I changed me shift for this!

Let me know as soon as you've got rid of it.

-Oh, no, where are you going?

-School. They go bonkers if you're late.

-No, you can't. No.

-If it makes you any happier,

they like to hide in warm, dark places.

How is that supposed to make me happier?

I know the bloke that runs it. Guest speaker, few filthy jokes,

West Ham's greatest hits on the big screen - it's a money spinner.

So we're targeting the 'beer-bellied blokes getting bladdered' market?

-Are we?

-Least I'm coming up with stuff!

-Who said I wasn't?

Look, we need to spread our net a little bit wider.

-We agree on that.

-Go on.

So, with that in mind, my counter proposal is...

Monday night is gay night...

-What...?

-Tuesday - 'Lezbe friends'... Wednesday 'ManTran'.

-Mantran? What's 'ManTran'?

-Male transvestites, Philip.

Come on, get in the 21st century! Thursday night...

-Nah, nah. Stop. Stop right there.

-I haven't got to my Saturday yet!

-This ain't happening.

-You're so predictable.

You need to shake off those caveman prejudices you've got.

-Not while I'm running this place.

-Yeah, but you're not. Are you?

Well, not completely.

Right. Well, let's see what Sharon's got to say.

I'm going to call a shareholders meeting. Don't move.

SHARON'S MOBILE RINGS

-Hi?

-Reaction exactly as anticipated

and he should be with you in about... two minutes?

You're a very wicked lady.

Well?

I don't know. There might be a mug somewhere who'd take it.

-I'll give you a monkey.

-Five hundred quid? Are you nuts?

That's really good business etiquette, that is, Jay.

Calling your client 'nuts'. Really going to seal the deal, ain't it?

We spent more than that doing it up. Didn't we, Dex?

Sorry, can we have a minute please, Mr Branning?

What you doing? You can't exactly call him nuts?

-What about our holiday?

-Least this way we cut our losses.

Are you going to tell Abi and Lola?... No.

Listen Max, we'll take a grand off you.

-But anything less is a joke really.

-See you later.

Bruv, what are you doing? You give up too easy.

-Have you checked the website today?

-Oh, it was a stupid idea anyway.

-You're just so negative all the time.

-Guys! Guys! I need a brave man.

Like, now.

-Psst! Is she in?

-No. Why?

-Good. We can have a little chat.

-Michael!

If Janine catches you in here, I'm dead. Would you please leave?

-I won't be long - I'm not staying.

-What're you doing?

Is that the picture?

Yeah.

This is good. This is really good. Cos what this says is -

she's vulnerable.

So this is what I want you to do. You go to see her.

You tell her you've seen me in the street.

I look like a little boy lost. I look really pathetic.

You feel really sorry for me. You're worried about me.

You've never seen me so low.

If only she'd give me a second chance,

cos I'm so desperate to prove my love to her.

That I still love her.

Any old cobblers'll do.

And then you report back to me.

All right?

-All right?

-Yeah.

-Yeah!

-Cheers!

-Bruv! Hey!

You got back from Birmingham.

-Yeah, I caught the first train.

-How's that nephew of mine?

Ooh, ooh, who you looking for? As if I didn't know.

-Is she all right?

-Who? Carol? How would I know?

-Something's not right.

-Like what?

Well, I keep phoning her mobile, it goes straight to voice mail.

I leave a message, she doesn't return my call.

So, why don't you go round there. What's stopping you? Ah!

Faint heart and fair lady and all that. Eh?

What happened to the legendary Masood charm

and charisma? Huh? Huh?

HE CHUCKLES

He ain't there! He must be on his way.

What am I going to do, Arthur? Here y'are.

-What kind of snake was it?

-It was a snake! In my house!

Who cares what its name was?

Mrs B, this is all my fault. I'm so sorry.

When you've got a vicar visiting,

you do not want a viper in the vicinity.

-Ta. Hold on Marie...

-No, no, no, Mrs B, Mrs B - this one's on me.

-Least I can do.

-Yes, well, thank you very much,

but it don't address the serpent under the sideboard.

Listen, you wait here, all right.

I'm going to go get Kim to let you have your meeting over there.

What? In the B&B?

No, no, no! All right?

In Walford's number one, premier conference venue! All right?

So, I'll go and sort that, and then I'll go and sort the snake,

then I'll sort the vicar, and I'll sort everything else.

-You get yourself over there once you've finished your tea.

-Tea!

I've left the vicar's Victoria sponge on the kitchen table!

Trust me. I've got you covered. OK.

You've left your paper.

-Oh, no, I'm done with that. You can have it.

-Very kind, thank you.

If that's what she wants, why not go the whole hog? Scrub the R&R. Call it the P&P.

Perverts' Paradise.

-Only you're not allowed to use that word

-any more. What? Paradise? Be more like hell, wouldn't it?

You sure she's not just winding you up?

This is Janine making her move. We've got to stop her.

We? I thought I wasn't trusted.

If we stick together, we can knock this on the head right now.

Sharon, I didn't give you that share in the club so Janine could flush it down the khazi.

Kimmie! Kim!

Hi. Have you seen Kim?

You all right?

Don't tell me - the cafe got no bacon as well?

It's not that, all right. I need a favour. But not for me.

For God!

What colour is it?

-Be snake-coloured, won't it?

-So how big is it?

It's called Monty, but we're not talking python!

-What you scared of, then?

-Who says I'm scared? I'm worried about leaving AJ on his own.

No way are you leaving me with a snake on my own, bruv.

SCREAMING

So...I went to get some tea bags from the bottom of the cupboard.

And it was there. By the biscuits.

I feel sick.

-Don't look at me.

-You're the one with the tongs.

-You're the one with the sweat on.

-And you're not scared?

-I ain't scared.

-Well, go on then.

-Will one of you just man up!

-What happened to girl power?!

OK, well, here's some girl power. Do it!

-HE SIGHS

-All right.

He's so brave.

Jay?

I can't. Sorry, I can't.

Your reverence, Sir...

Message from her Royal Dottiness.

Her house is a no-go zone right now, that's on account of -

that's on account of something - but the new sit-down is at the B&B.

That cool?

More than cool. Lead the way.

Arthur, isn't it?

Yes, sir, yes, sir. You good?

-Yeah.

-Fats! Fats!

Hey, baby, I'm with his holiness right now.

Sorry. It's an emergency. I need you now.

I know what this is about.

You'd better go.

Yes, but one thing - this whole Church Warden thing is really important to Mrs B, all right.

So don't go letting her down. All right? The Lord is watching, remember. All right.

MASOOD ON ANSWERING MACHINE: ..so I am around now.

Give us a call when you get this and maybe we can - I dunno - catch up.

Hope you're well. Speak soon.

Why haven't you phoned him back?

You do like him, don't you?

Yes. Yes, I do.

And he obviously likes you.

KNOCK ON DOOR

I don't want to see anybody.

-It's him.

-Oh, no!

I think he's seen me. I've got to let him in.

-No, just... Say I'm not here.

-No, I'm not going to do that, Carol - that's not fair.

-All right...

-Uh, yeah. Is, um....?

-Yeah. She's through here.

I can't believe it. What you scared of, man?

-Least I went in. He didn't even do that.

-It's in the kitchen. Bottom of the cupboard. OK.

-Here, you're going to need these.

-I don't need that. I don't anything, OK baby.

All right. I can't believe you two, man.

You're supposed to be dench, bruv, what's the matter with you? Terrible.

There you are! Beautiful.

Oh, thank goodness.

-Fats, the snake?

-Yeah, baby. Say hello to Monty! Oh, my... Fake snake, fake snake.

-What are you doing? Get it away!

-It's just the skin, all right!

-What's that supposed to mean?

-Means Monty is still on the loose.

Can you hold that?

Don't do that, man! That's not even funny!

I got to get this to the B&B, baby.

-No!

-Baby, baby, I got to, it's Dot. It's Dot, baby.

-Fats!

I'm worried about AJ - we've left him on his own.

-No, no, no, you can't go now, bruv.

-I reckon I've done my bit. Sorry, Pops.

-Do you know what, I need to get back to work as well.

-No, no, no! You're not going anywhere!

It's like they're a regular middle-class couple.

"Please take your shoes off at the door.

"Please put a coaster underneath that glass". It's funny.

Sorry - what is?

Syed and Christian.

Oh, right.

Is everything all right, Carol?

-Will you stop asking me that?

-I wasn't aware I had.

Have I, um... Have I done something wrong?

I'm just not feeling quite myself.

Do you want me to go?

I'm sorry. It's not you.

OK.

I'll be in touch.

That was quick. What happened?

I'm getting too old for this.

I'm going to go upstairs and have a lie down.

Are you serious about these proposals?

Generic nightclubs are stone age. We need a brand.

Something that sets us apart.

And turning it into some sort of tacky sex club, that's going to do that, is it?

Who said anything about tacky? You not heard of the pink pound?

We're not having this conversation. Let's just vote on it.

Well, now we know what you think. What about you, Sharon?

You up for a little bit of metrosexual sophistication?

Or do you want a never ending chorus of "Here we go, here we go"?

Well, I think she's got a point.

Very kind of you to put yourself out like this, Miss Fox.

Oh, I'm just giving back to the community, you know.

It's always a privilege to help out Mrs Branning here,

one of Walford's most respectable and, indeed, respected citizens.

-Amen to that.

-Amen, hallelujah.

-Well, if you need anything else, just ring the bell.

-BELL PINGS

What a charming woman.

Slice of sponge cake, vicar?

You're spoiling me, Mrs Branning.

May I tempt you, Miss Quinn?

No, I'm fine, thanks. And it's "Ms", if that's all right with you.

Meuhz? How do you spell that?

-M-S.

-That ain't a word, that's initials.

I mean of course, there's Mrs, that's initials,

but that stands for Mistress.

Eat up, Vicar. Do you want a fork?

When I told you about this before, you was dead against it, weren't ya?

I hadn't heard Janine's side of it. There's obviously a market for this sort of thing...

If you can do your night, I can do mine.

Or do we just cancel both of them?

Unbelievable.

Don't think I don't know what you're doing.

And you, you've fallen for it, ain't you?

I thought better of you.

-Did you see his face!

-You were never going to do this, were you?

-No! For now.

But I think we might have heard the last of "Gettin' 'Ammered".

Busy?

Only I hear you have a motor for sale.

And I know a guy who just might be interested.

If we're to push these changes through,

we all need to be singing from the same hymn sheet, so to speak.

But they ain't proper hymns, are they?

Not since the organ give up the ghost. That's what we ought to be doing, Vicar -

getting up a fund for the organ, so's we can have

proper hymns, not all these twanging banjos and rattling tambourines.

Next thing you know, we'll be having a knees-up.

Mrs Branning, that isn't really what...

Well, I liked it how it was. And I ain't the only one.

-Of course...

-Yes, well, why all the changes then?

I mean, the organ's gone, why get rid of the pulpit?

Not literally.

Well, "Ms" here said

"Sermons will be shared from the body of the church."

But you don't share a sermon, I mean, the vicar, he gives a sermon.

What Miranda is saying, and I've come to agree with her,

is that pulpits, by their very nature, are hierarchical.

Hierar... Oh, you mean higher up the ladder?

It's a concept that's outlived its usefulness.

No it ain't. I mean, the vicar, he's higher up the ladder.

Because he is the teacher, he's like Jesus - you know, Jesus what

taught the multitudes - that is Matthew, chapter five, verse one.

So that is why a pulpit is higher up, so's we can look up to him.

Mrs Branning, while I respect your point of view,

-we're actually here to discuss the role of church warden...

-That's by the by.

I mean, what we ought to be doing, Vicar, is reaching out to the young.

I mean, them poor souls who's never heard the words of Jesus? Not like we did.

We learned at school from scripture and prayers and Sunday school.

I mean, people say, they say, "Oh let them choose when they're older".

Well, how can they choose when they don't know nothing about it?

It's barmy.

-Are we OK for tea?

-Quite OK, thank you.

While I'm here, can I give you a few of these?

You might want to pass it around your flock on Sunday.

No quicker route to spiritual peace than a full body massage.

And you'll notice there's a 20% discount for pensioners on a Thursday...

Thank you. Very kind.

-You're welcome.

-DOORBELL RINGS

Oh, 'scuse me.

Are you all right, Miranda?

I don't know. I think I might be sitting on something.

If we switch it on, we might find out whose it is.

Oh - that's Jenna's. Thank you.

Yes, she was looking for that earlier.

Only she's got a client in at the moment. I'll just leave that there.

So are you sure there's nothing I can get you?

Quite sure, thank you.

Bless you.

You were saying, Mrs Branning?

Well, I think I'm wasting me time.

I mean, all them poor souls swimming in a sea of iniquity

and all you're worried about is getting "modern". "With it".

Mrs Branning, please don't go. We're here to listen.

Let's hear some of your ideas. Please.

But I don't thing I've got the right words, Vicar.

I mean, am I allowed, Ms, to say "Holy"?

Am I allowed to say "Sanctified"? "Morality"?

I mean, all you're thinking about is shifting the furniture.

Oh, Alice! You are a lovely person.

-I have had a WONDERFUL morning.

-Really?

-Yes, and I want to celebrate!

How can I do that when we don't have alcohol? Ah, yes!

Chocolate. How's the little one?

Yeah, she's good. I've just put her down.

Come on. Let's have a girly catch-up.

-Why are you so happy?

-I'm always happy when I've triumphed. What have you been up to?

Not a lot. Um... I did bump into Michael earlier, though...

Oh, please. Stop right there. Don't even mention his name.

Don't ruin the moment. Have a chocolate.

Utterly delicious.

That's mine.

Honestly Ab, if there was any way I could've sold that motor on,

I would have made him a decent offer, but I'm running a business, not a charity.

Tell you what I'll do. If you get good results in your exams,

I might even pay for that holiday myself.

-Yeah? Happy? Sorted. I'll see you later.

-See ya.

Have I done something? Has she met someone else?

-Have I turned into Godzilla?

-Bruv...

-What?

-One thing you're forgetting.

-What's that?

-She's a woman.

-Oh, that's it, is it?

It's like werewolves. Once a month they go mad. Simples.

All right? Saw your dad just now.

He told you, didn't he?

How did the exam go?

Fine.

You're disappointed about the holiday?

Don't be.

Cos I've only gone and sold the flamin' car, ain't I, eh!

But what you're failing to acknowledge, Mrs Branning,

is that the standards of morality evolve over time...

Yes, for the worse.

I mean, I take my morality from the Bible.

In there, there's right and there's wrong.

What you're saying is, "I know better than God."

-Not at all.

-Perhaps if Mrs Branning could tell us

how she would exactly implement some of her ideas.

Well, for a start...

there's this here. Look.

Prostitutes. Thousands of 'em.

Openly advertising their wares in what was once a respectable newspaper.

This is hardly new.

They don't call it the oldest profession for nothing...

That's men for you, and you a man of the cloth.

We should be reaching out to these poor souls.

Bringing them to Jesus. For hope and salvation.

-All you're worried about is your pulpit.

-Yes, but how to go about it...

Well, they've got their phone numbers here.

We could phone one of them? Give that here...

I'm not entirely sure that's such a good idea.

Men talk, women do. Give it here.

Ta. Cheers.

DIALS NUMBER

PHONE RINGS IN ROOM

Just thought you might like some sandwiches.

PHONE STILL RINGING

I did try. She just doesn't want your name mentioned in the house.

But she was buzzing, you say?

-Yeah, I've never seen her so hyper.

-I have. These moods don't last.

She'll soon revert to her grotesque self.

-And that's when you try again.

-Michael...

No. No arguments. We're in a good place now.

You get her to open up. See if she really likes me.

As God is my witness, I had no idea...

Let's not bring God into this.

Jenna! Get down here!

There has to be an explanation.

She told me she was a student.

She was studying for a PF...E... or something like that.

So when you say you offer a massage service, what you really mean is...

-She's running a brothel. That's what she's saying.

-No!

I've never been so humiliated in my life.

-No, honestly.

-I am not staying a minute longer.

I shall pay you for the tea and the phone call...

-But Mrs Branning...

-No, I shall feel the taint.

You wanted something?

Jenna, what are you wearing?

OH!!

It's that snake! Bobby's snake!

Get rid of it! Get rid of it!

Why won't you tell me who you sold the car to?

Cos it's not important.

Jay, you're a useless liar. What aren't you telling me?

All right, but you must never, ever tell Dexter, all right?

-What?

-Promise me?

-I guess.

I sold the car to his dad.

I thought he hated his dad.

He does. Which is why you must never tell him.

Thing is, his dad is selling it on to a mate. Which is why Dexter'll never know.

-Jay!

-Do you want to go on this holiday or not?

I just hate lying.

So pretend I never told you then, love.

-All right? How's the snake hunting going?

-I can't find it.

Well, cheer up... cos I've only gone and sold the car, ain't I!

Punter came in, saw the ad and gave us cash.

-Wait, how much?

-Only a grand. We're going on holiday!

Yes! Yes!

N reg, 120,000 on the clock. 950.

-Nah, there's no margins in that one.

-Thought that money was for a holiday?

Yeah, it is, Mum, but we're on a roll.

I mean, selling that Beemer to that punter, that was just the start.

You'd better get to work or you'll need it to live on.

-Says my skiving Mum?

-PHONE BEEPS

Er, I have been working all morning, thank you very much.

I got a tonne of reports to do this afternoon as well.

I believe you. Thousands wouldn't but, you know. Come on, partner!

Yeah, I'll catch you up.

I'm bursting.

I've got cover at the cafe so I can help you out today and tomorrow.

You sure?

No way am I missing your big day.

I don't like doing this.

I can't just force her to open up to me.

That's not fair, Michael!

Yeah, I know.

No...

I have to go.

Ugh! Have you seen my phone?

Yeah.

Thank you.

-Are you going back to the office this afternoon?

-I'm already here!

-Are you joining me?

-It was you, wasn't it?

If I'm supposed to confess to something,

-I might need a bit more to go on.

-I saw you with Jay.

Yeah, I was just asking if he knew of any work going.

-You bought their car.

-Is that right?

-Don't. Just don't.

Cos if there's one thing I do know about you, it's when you're lying.

I tell you, if I find out who told the paper all this rubbish...

Maybe they hacked your phone?

And that snake, slithering around.

You're lucky Bobby caught that, I tell you.

Mind you, saying that, it would've kept the mice away, wouldn't it?

-We don't have mice.

-Excuse me, love.

-What?

-This place - is it, is it all a brothel or just some of it?

I don't know, mate. You need to ask Madam Kim, over there.

Right, thanks. By the way, I don't blame you women.

I mean, like me, you're just doing a job, ain't you?

Do you want a smack in the mouth?

Not really my thing, sweetheart. Thanks for the offer though, yeah.

-Excuse me.

-Yes?

-Phil Douglas, East London Star.

Look, if you've come to spread your lies, yeah,

-you can just sling your hook.

-No, we're not like the Walford Gazette.

We just want the truth. I was hoping to get your side of the story.

-There IS no story.

-I disagree.

Local businesswoman, diversifying to support the community.

It's entrepreneurial spirit, that.

Half an hour of your time. Put the record straight.

Let people know the truth.

-Does Dexter know?

-Trust me, If he knew, we'd know about it.

What are you playing at?

The last thing that boy needs is you sneaking around,

-trying to buy your way back into his life.

-That's not why I did it.

No, course not, cos you really needed a car. Oh, give me a break.

I was just trying to do something right.

Well, you left it a bit late for that, didn't you?

Don't you think I know I've got a lot of years to make up?

I just thought this was a way to make a start.

-By buying him?

-Oh, come on!

If I wanted to buy him, why wouldn't I just walk in there,

waving the cash, "Daddy's here," huh?

I waited to make sure he wasn't about.

I dealt only with Jay.

-You went behind his back.

-Exactly!

Because I don't want him to know it was me. That's the whole point.

All I wanted was to give him a boost,

support what he was trying to do and do it without him knowing.

Yeah? Because lying to him,

that's really worked a treat so far, hasn't it?

I know he's angry and maybe I acted without thinking it through

but it was meant to be a step in the right direction.

What do you think he's going to do when he finds out?

He doesn't have to.

I'm going to sell the car straight on.

Jay won't tell him, I certainly won't...and that only leaves you.

If he finds out it's me, he'll kick off. Nothing changes.

If we leave things as they are, he'll feel good about himself

and have a few quid in his pocket.

And you get to hang back in the shadows, playing Mr Bountiful?

If the boy feels good...

..then yeah...

maybe, yeah, at some point, the door might be a bit ajar for me.

Is that a bad thing?

But I swear it's not about some big gesture.

Please, let me just have this. A chance to do something right.

He doesn't need to know.

Oh, look at that! Look at the logo.

"Ian Beale@ Le Square."

They look fantastic.

Yeah. Yeah, nearly there.

Lucy, I couldn't have done this without you. Thank you.

What are you doing?

-Scarlett is just waking so I'm making a picnic.

-On the floor?

Yeah. You seemed too busy to get away and Scarlett loves a picnic.

I know what my daughter likes.

So, I've got hummus, pitta bread, taramasalata...

and, of course, no picnic would be complete

without a selection of maize-based snacks

with extra additives and colourings.

THEY LAUGH

Ooh, Kim is going to love you for putting that out.

How about we write one of our own?

"Vicars and Tarts" - what do you think?

I just wish I could get my hands on the toe rags that gave it to them.

I mean, WHO would sell 'em a story like that?

Yeah, would you Adam and Eve it?

So you're saying, this Jenna Reagan, she basically hoodwinked you all? PHONE RINGING

Totally. Kim's Palace is a well-respected establishment.

Listen, our residents are working professionals, local people.

-And you're very much community focused, yep?

-Well, personally, yeah.

Listen, I've always believed

that the community is the corner brick of any business.

I think you would be hard pressed to find anybody out there

that didn't say that Kim's Palace was an asset to the area.

"The serpent beguiled me and I did eat."

What?

Genesis, chapter three, verse 13 - Temptation.

The devil comes as a serpent.

I thought you run an honest house, Kim.

Dot, the only serpent was that Jenna and I kicked her out.

This has nothing to do with me.

She was paying you rent from her ill-gotten gains.

Yeah, but I didn't know that.

Yeah, and now look - named and shamed, ME and the Vicar.

Oh! What must he think of me?

And my chances of being a church warden gone down the drain.

-Finished. All cos of you.

-No...

Sorry, you were hoping to become a church warden?

Yes, it's a very responsible post.

You know, you liaise with the Bishop,

you oversee the running of the church and now this!

I shall never dare show my face at that church again.

Listen, listen, this church warden...thing.

It's going to be all right. He's from the East London Star.

He's going to put everything straight.

Phil Douglas.

You're going to tell everybody the truth, innit?

-Yeah, of course.

-See, it's all sorted.

-Look what I found at home.

-You didn't have to bring it down.

-Yeah, well, I know how lost you are without it.

-Thanks, Mum.

-It's not been picked up yet?

-No, Jay's sorting that all out.

-So, who was the buyer?

-I ain't got a clue.

-Jay didn't say?

Some bloke who knew a good deal when he saw one, he said.

But it doesn't even matter because we've got the money up front.

Fair enough.

Why are you so interested?

I'm not.

Anyway, I better get back. Reports won't write themselves.

Ready...? Smiles!

Ah! One more.

Ah, you look so happy.

Let's have a look.

You should make that your cover photo.

You know, I never had many pictures with my mum.

I want to make sure that you...

have got lots of lovely memories, don't I?

Yes, I do.

He was putty in my hands.

Kim has saved the day yet again.

-Is that right?

-When this evening's edition comes out,

the whole of Walford will know that Kimberly Fox

-is a great pillow of this community.

-PHONE RINGING

-Why are you not answering the phone?

-Maybe you should.

I heard it was ringing all morning. Lots of bookings, yeah?

Kim's Palace, rest your bones in comfort, how can I help you?

Oh, I hope you don't kiss your mum with that mouth! That's disgusting.

-Yes, well, all the calls have been like that.

-Really?!

Every seedy loser in Walford must have read that article.

But it'll blow over though, won't it?

We've already had a couple leave.

What with these and that stuff in the newspaper.

I tell you something, if this escalates

it could really damage the business, you know.

PHONE RINGING

-Are you serious?

-They look fine.

-I can hardly walk in it, Ian.

-It's too late to change anything now.

-Look, if I drop anything,

I ain't going to be able to bend over and pick it up.

Will you stop fussing, OK?

Now, we need to keep them clean. Go and get changed.

-What should I do with Lauren's?

-Lauren's?

Yeah, Lauren's.

Just hang it up out the back. She can try it on another day.

-Come on, in the kitchen.

-Look, I've got to get back to Booty.

-It won't take long. Come on, move it.

-Dad, you've got Lauren working here?

Er, yeah, I was going to tell you.

-You really want her around? She'll mess things up, she always does.

-She's going to work for free, OK?

It's going to be a trial period. She's really making an effort.

And I know how hard it is to try and turn things around

when everyone's already made up their mind about you.

She deserves a last chance, OK?

We could open a joint account.

Yeah, then we can just have a big gay wedding, innit?

I don't want to leave this type of money lying about.

There won't be much of it left after we pay for the holiday, will there?

Who was the buyer anyway?

-Oh, just some bloke.

-You must have a name, though, for the reg docs?

Well, he filled all that in.

Have you still got our part to send off though, yeah?

-Well, yeah, they're here somewhere.

-So when's he coming to collect it?

I don't know.

Look, did my mum buy the car, bruv?

-No.

-Are you sure she didn't, bruv? Cos she came round here earlier on and she was sniffing about.

Listen, your mum did not buy that car, all right?

I'm telling you, if she did and the only muppet to buy our work is my mum,

-then you and me might as well get "Loser" tattooed on our foreheads, yeah?

-Yeah, all right.

Whoa, whoa, where you going, we got this cambelt to replace first.

-Yeah, all right, I won't be long.

-Oi, Jay!

Look what I just found.

-Ah.

-That was me and my mum.

-You look just like Scarlett.

-Not quite as pretty as her.

Do you know, I might not be the best mum in the world

but there is one thing that I know...

..I will never, EVER leave that little girl again.

Whitney. Cod?

Roasted cod...

No, line-caught cod, cooked with fennel, red onion and tomatoes.

-Balsamic.

-Balsamic tomatoes.

Well done.

Lauren...chicken?

-Chicken...

-Chicken saute...

-How can cod be roasted?

-What?

Well, you fry it and grill it. How's it roasted?

In the oven.

-Lauren?

-Chicken saute. That's with white wine....

So it's baked. It's baked cod?

-No, it's roasted.

-Don't you roast meat? Not fish.

It's roasted, OK? That's what it is.

That's what it says on the menu. It's ROASTED cod.

Lauren.

White wine, shallots and tarragon?

Well done. Right, Poppy.

The scallops.

Rosemary seared scallops with radicchio, pancetta

-and toasted hazelnuts.

-Very good!

She has got a point about the cod, though.

Are you serious?

It's all right, love. I've got this. Thanks. Cheers.

Logo, on the napkins?

-Yeah. They look great, don't they?

-They're for picking up gravy.

It's not gravy, it's jus. It's all about making an impact.

The first impressions.

Janine obviously has more money than sense.

Yeah, it's all covered, it's all covered.

That shelf - sorted.

-Fantastic!

-I'll put everything together on one bill, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, thanks.

Erm, could you run through some service drills with Jean

and the girls in the kitchen?

Right, mate. Cheque OK, yeah?

'Can you settle Scarlett down? I need to get some invoices done.'

-Yeah, course.

-PHONE RINGING

'I think she's got more lunch round her face than what she's eaten!'

'Hey, I've enjoyed today.

'If the weather's nice, maybe we should go to the park tomorrow?'

Do you want a coffee before I sort Scarlett out?

Yeah. Yeah, why not?

OK.

Are you going to need me tomorrow night?

Are you going to that restaurant opening?

Have you got something you need to tell me?

About what?

Cos the thing is, I'm not even that cross...

..I'm just disappointed.

I'm really disappointed that I've put all my trust into you, Alice,

and it means that LITTLE that you would steal from me.

Jay!

-I can't find them registration docs, man.

-I just posted them, that's why.

-What?!

-I've sent 'em off.

-You said you didn't know where they was.

-I found them. They was in my jacket.

-We'd better book this holiday, if we're going to go.

-Tell me what the name was on it.

-I don't know. Some bloke.

-Jay, man, just tell me.

-What does it matter? We're going on holiday.

If you'd just asked me, Alice, then you could have had the damn things.

I mean, I don't even wear them anyway.

-But why? WHY would you do that?

-I'm sorry.

Is it the first time or have you been nicking from me all along?

-No.

-How do I know that?

-I haven't. I promise.

You're in my house, looking after my baby

-and you're just a thief.

-I'm not a thief.

-I'm going to have to call the police.

-No, please, don't do that!