16/06/2013 EastEnders Omnibus

So, what about girls? Come on. You're a Beale.

There's always a girl.

Peter?

Sit yourself down. Me and Bobby are in charge this morning.

Do you know, I could seriously get used to this.

-Where's Luce?

-She's upstairs. She'll be down in a minute.

And is everything all right between you two now?

Yeah, everything's fine. I told you. Come on.

I want to hear about you. What did you get up to?

Ketchup.

What do you want to know?

What you got up to, for a start.

Surfed a bit, hung out with my mates. Usual kind of stuff.

I bet there was a girl. There is bound to have been a girl involved.

There's going to be surfer chicks crying into their beach towels all over Devon as we speak.

Did he really just say that?

-Pull up a chair.

-You're all right.

But we made breakfast.

Yeah, well, Marie's expecting me at the caf.

Since when did you work at the caf? You hate it there.

Are you going to tell him or am I?

-Shall I get rid of that for you?

-Oh, do what you like.

Um, look, I was thinking...

Why don't I come to church with you on Sunday?

Oh, no. I'm never going to show my face there again. Never.

Come on, Mrs Branning.

You're a respectable, God-fearing woman, right?

Not some front for an international vice ring.

-KNOCKING ON DOOR

-Oh, who's that?

-I'll get it.

No, it's too late. The damage is done.

My reputation is in tatters.

You'll have to find yourself a new church.

Yes, that's what I'll have to do.

I'll have to find myself a new church where nobody knows me.

I'll, um, leave you to it, yeah?

KNOCKS ON DOOR

I can see you there, Alice, by the way, in the doorway.

-I hold you accountable, you know?

-Michael, I can't stop. I'm sorry.

I hold YOU accountable. Look at you, you haven't even got the decency to come and face me. Huh?

She's my daughter, Alice. She's my daughter

and I have a right to know where she is!

Is that it? Is there any more?

Who knows?

That's everything I could find.

I can't even look at them. Can you put them in the recycling or something?

-All right. Out of sight, out of mind, eh?

-I beg your pardon?

I'd keep a low profile, if I was you.

-If I was still living here...

-Oh, here we go.

-Has anyone seen my pencil case?

-It's going on right under your nose, Tan.

-Enough booze to stock an off-licence and you didn't even notice.

-How dare you! How dare you!

Do you think I've got time to watch her 24/7, do you?

-I'm looking after three kids, in case you hadn't noticed.

-When it suits her.

Not to mention trying to run my own business.

I don't see you helping. No, you're too busy.

Swanning about, playing happy families across the square.

-Does anyone care that I've got an exam this morning?

-Sorry.

Yes. Um, sorry.

What you looking for?

Forget it.

Pure Maths. She's been up half the night revising.

Not that either of you two would have noticed.

So what are we going to do?

Just go.

-No, don't be like that.

-Go, yeah? Cos you said it yourself.

-This is all my fault, right? So I will deal with it.

-Fine.

I wouldn't be surprised if Janine was halfway to Morocco already.

-Poor Scarlett.

-I know, it's awful.

There he is. Our resident gangster.

P-Dog! What you doing, man? Nice to see you.

I'm Poppy, by the way.

-This is the wifey.

-Peter Beale.

Nice to meet you. Wait a minute.

Are you and Luce...? Yeah, it's all in the cheekbones, ain't it?

Listen, I was thinking we should get the old gang together this lunchtime. Whit, Mercy...

Mercy's long gone, bruv.

-What about Lauren?

-Um, yes. Yes, she's still around.

-Yeah? What does she do?

-Don't worry about her, bruv. What about Devon?

And more importantly, what was her name and when do I get to meet her?

-We'll catch up at lunch, yeah?

-All right. Nice one.

See you in a bit.

Luce, Dad's not a thief.

Look, he took my money which makes him a thief in my eyes.

You're running his caf for him. It's still his business.

No. It stopped being his business the moment he walked out

-and left me and Bobby to fend for ourselves.

-He wasn't well.

He's still not well. You don't get better overnight.

-See you in bit, yeah?

-Er, that's £1.50.

-You what?

-£1.50 for the doughnut.

Right. Yeah. Luce? Luce?

Luce, will you sort out your little assistant, yeah? He's getting his pinny in a twist.

-Oh. It's fine, Peter.

-We've got a bit of...an agreement.

See you in a bit, Luce.

-That's just Joey.

-I don't care who he is.

Someone needs to put him in his place.

It's a bit late to start playing the protective brother, isn't it?

I'm sorry for dragging you here, Vicar.

-I am rather pressed for time.

-Mrs Branning...

I expect that you and the committee have been very busy,

what with my goings-on, my fraternising with fallen women.

But just let me say...

.."Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

That is John, chapter eight...

Verse seven. No-one has any reason to question your conduct, Mrs Branning.

You are and always will be one of our most trusted parishioners.

What about Ms Quinn? She's always had it in for me.

-I'm afraid she's had to tender her resignation as curate.

-What?

For reasons I...

would rather not go on about.

Oh.

What about the post of church warden?

I would say filling that vacancy is more critical than ever.

Oh, Vicar, I knew you'd come round to it.

It means I shall have to shift my shifts around but...

I'm very happy to accept the post.

I'm sorry?

Well, that is what you've come here for, isn't it?

I was hoping you might be able to read for us this Sunday.

-You always did have a way with Deuteronomy.

-Thank you.

I'm so sorry, Mrs Branning.

I didn't mean to get your hopes up.

It's just the committee still feels

that that role is best suited to, um...

How can I say it? Some fresh blood.

A younger person, you mean?

Well, perhaps it's just as well,

you know, what with the post containing a lot of secretarial work

and writing. I mean, it could play havoc with my fibrositis.

-Hey. I've been thinking...

-Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it.

The last thing I need is getting caught up in another domestic.

You fix the damage on that motor and I'll still take it off your hands.

Why have you changed your mind?

-I just need a spare set of wheels for work.

-And that's all, is it?

-I just want to talk to my son, that's all.

-Oh, here we go again.

You put a good word in and the money's yours.

-Ah. William.

-Not now, Michael.

I've got enough on my plate sorting out stuff for your ex-missus.

Very good. So she's been in contact?

Yeah, course she has. I'm Executive Director of Operations.

That place would collapse without me.

Clearly.

-Where is she, Billy?

-I didn't ask.

-She abroad?

-Michael, I'm not her keeper.

She can come and go as she pleases, as long as I get paid every Friday.

I don't reckon she'll be home any time soon though.

You say that because...?

Because it sounded like she was getting her affairs in order.

If I know Janine, she'll be halfway to the Caribbean by now.

I could've sworn I had some self-raising flour in here.

Is now really a good time to start baking?

It's for Abi, isn't it?

Just a little treat, you know, for when she gets back from sixth form.

-What about Lauren?

-Yep, I'll deal with her later.

What are you going to say to her that you ain't said a hundred times before?

-So you think this is all my fault as well, do you?

-I never said that.

-You don't have to. It's written all over your face.

-She needs help.

-And I'm going to give it to her.

-Professional help.

-Oh, right, so you're the expert now, are you?

-Yes, I am, as it happens.

You know what the real problem is?

-Me. I've been too soft on her, haven't I?

-Rubbish.

Yes, I have. I have. I've let her get away with far too much for too long. Well, it stops today.

Don't come down too hard on her or you'll make matters worse.

How can things get any worse, Mum?

All I'm saying is, don't go in all guns blazing...

or else you risk losing her for good.

-Hello, Dot.

-Hello.

You're a Butcher, aren't you? By some means or another.

Hardly. I mean, vaguely, by marriage.

Not that you'd know it the amount I see of them.

But then that's what happens to you when you get older.

You become invisible. People look straight through you.

Do they? The lesbian?

-Diane.

-What about her?

-I need her contact details.

The only Diane I know ain't a lesbian, she's a Butcher.

Anyway, I don't know where she is.

I don't keep an address book no more

cos I was only crossing out the names

-so there didn't seem to be no point.

-Thank you, Dot. Informative as ever.

-Diane.

-Who?

Nothing.

Don't I recognise you?

-Hello, Dot.

-Oh, Peter. How good to see you back!

-Just catching up with a few friends before I go back.

-That's nice.

Listen, you know Dad better than anyone, don't you?

I remember Kath and Pete bringing him home from the hospital when he was a little baby.

-Does he seem all right to you?

-Well, he's better than he was.

It's just I've got Luce telling me one thing, Dad something else.

Well, Ian never did get everything right.

You've only got to look at his wedding photographs to see that.

But there's one thing he did get right...

and that was you children and he loves all of you.

Oh, go on.

Get off to your chums. You don't want to be hanging around

with an old woman.

You'll outlive us all, Dot.

I hate Mondays, don't you?

Nothing to look forward to, is there?

-Like camping trips or anything like that.

-Spit it out, bruv.

-Well, your dad...

-Moving on.

He wants to buy the car back off us.

-All you've got to do is repair what you busted, that's all.

-Forget it.

I'm sick of this. Why should I miss out because you hate him?

It's June. Most people are making plans for their summer.

What am I doing? Changing some poxy spark plugs, that's what.

Why aren't you at work?

Poppy's covering for me.

I could hardly leave you on your own, could I?

I know it looks bad but...

there's at least a year's worth in there.

-Is that right?

-Yeah.

Most of it's from when we had that party when Fats was DJ-ing.

So don't stress. You've don't have to worry about me.

I'd like to believe you, Lauren. Really, I would.

Did I show you what my college lent me?

They want me to do this video diary.

A day in the life of Lauren Branning.

I know I wasn't taking it seriously before, but I'm really getting into my course.

Really? Are you?

Yeah. I told you, didn't I? You don't have to worry about me

cos I'm going to start sorting myself out.

Where are you going?

I need to start recording.

No. I don't want you going out.

-You want me to do well with this assignment, don't you?

-Well, yes, of course I do.

Well, then. Besides, what trouble can I really get into with this thing?

Right. Go on then.

Say something to the camera.

I love you.

I'm not being funny or nothing, but how did Ian Beale end up

with three such beautiful kids?

You've got to see Peter, Alice. He is...

He's like a young Paul Newman.

-But he's not a patch on you, darling.

-Oh, really?

-Not a patch, no.

Can you stop touching me, please? Stop touching, seriously. P-dog!

What's going on, bruv? Come take a seat.

This is Alice.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

She is currently single and open to offers.

This is my brother, Joey.

Yeah, we've already met.

Yeah, best mates.

So, who are we missing?

Well, Whitney's at nursery and Lauren...

-Probably drunk in a gutter somewhere.

-Luce.

-It's true, isn't it?

-What's she talking about?

Nothing. So, listen, who's... Who's getting the first round, huh?

-You.

-So, six pints of tap water then, yeah?

You all right, guys?

-Hey.

-I got Fats' text.

Who's looking for me?

Behind you.

Peter!

You all right? It's lovely to see you.

How have you been?

Yeah. Yeah, better for seeing you.

What's the deal with them two?

They used to go out when they were, like, 12.

Why do you care?

I don't.

Lucy, there's a problem at the restaurant.

Two delivery guys are screaming blue murder.

Your dad's nowhere to be found.

I'll go.

You are coming back though, yeah?

Hiya. Where's Jay?

He had to pop out for some spare parts. You all right though, cuz?

-How was the exam?

-I cannot wait until they're over.

The sooner I get out of that house and away from my family, the better.

Oh, did I tell you that Bernadette's parents are lending us

their camping stove? Yeah, yeah. So all we've got to do is bring some food with us.

-Look, Abs...

-And a tent. We are near the beach, aren't we?

Cos me and Lola have got to do some serious shopping.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

I'll see you later then.

Cheers.

Is everything all right?

Yeah.

Janine's little touch.

Dad. Are you sure you're not taking on too much here?

What's your sister been saying?

She's worried about you. We both are.

I'm fine. OK?

I'm feeling the best I've felt in...

in months. I feel like I'm getting my life back together.

-Yeah, well, Lucy reckons that...

-Lucy doesn't know everything.

She reckons that we'd have gone under if it wasn't for her.

She got me out of a hole, that's all.

Come on, Dad.

She swooped in when I was at my most vulnerable, OK?

-They were my businesses. She had no right to take them from me like that.

-She was trying to help you.

No, she was trying to help herself.

Look, I don't blame her for what she did, OK?

She... She was doing what she thought was right at the time.

I'm better now. I'm back.

I'm finally going to show Walford what Ian Beale's really capable of.

-If that means I've got to borrow against the chippie or the cafe, then so be it.

-You took the money?

It was mine to take.

So, what's this film about, Lauren?

My life.

It's going to be short then.

Come on, girls. Play nicely, yeah?

So, whose round is it then?

Actually, I've got to get back to work so I'm going to go.

Yeah. And I've got to find my boy Alfie.

What? Can you please just stay? Just one drink?

Yeah, course, baby.

I'm just going to go do a thing and I'll be back, all right?

I don't suppose you could maybe lend me a fiver?

After having my fingers burnt last time? I don't think so.

Hello, Dot. Don't usually see you here this time of day.

No, Sharon, but I've had a trying morning.

I didn't fancy going home just yet.

Anything I can help with?

-Can you turn the clock back?

-Sorry?

Just ignore me. I'm babbling on here.

What's brought all this on?

Well, it's the vicar. He thinks I'm past it.

And he's right.

I'm a silly fool. No point in deluding myself.

Now, you listen to me.

I don't know what he's been saying but let me tell you a few facts about Dot Branning, shall I?

She's got more spunk, more spirit in her than anyone I've ever met.

So the bones ache a bit more than they used to,

but the fire, the fight...

-that don't just go away, does it?

-Oh, Sharon.

Alice. Could I have a word?

I haven't heard from Janine. And if I had, I'd have told you first, OK?

OK. I'm not here to talk about Janine. I'm here to say sorry...

for being revolting

and just talking to you so badly in the street

and for shouting at you.

You're caught up in the middle of this and it's not fair.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So...

we're cool, yeah? Can we be friends?

Yeah. Friends.

Friends.

OK.

We could hug if you wanted to?

-You want a hug?

-Yeah, let's have a hug.

-Come on, let's have a hug.

-OK.

I'm not averse to human contact completely.

OK. See you.

See you.

There you go. Not on the menu, but especially for you...

-prawns and lemon butter.

-Cheers.

-You think I was too hard on Lucy, don't you?

-It's not that.

All right then. What is it?

I should have come back sooner.

It's all right, you weren't to know.

Yeah, but I did.

At least some of it. I just...

I didn't know how bad it got. I just buried my head in the sand,

like I always do.

If you don't think about it then it never really happened, did it?

There was me hanging out with my mates

while you were going through all that.

Peter, it wouldn't have made a difference if you were here or not, OK?

I was a mess.

It's probably better that you weren't here,

because you remember me how I was. Lucy on the other hand...

-Forget about Lucy.

-No. She had it harder than everyone else.

-She should've helped you, Dad.

-She tried.

By taking everything you had?

We're going to get it back, Dad.

And I'm going to help you.

Was you serious about the car?

It's a good motor, right?

I worked on it myself.

Maybe we can go for a test drive some time?

Look, let me tell you something, yeah?

This don't change nothing.

Soon as this is done, I want you gone from here.

Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

-Smile for the camera, Grandma Dot!

-It's time you went home.

Urgh! Seriously.

Right, listen,

which one of you is going to buy me a drink,

-and then you can be in my video?

-That's enough. I'm taking you straight home to your mother.

You cannot tell me what to do! Why don't you go back to the launderette

and do whatever it is you actually do there, and stop hassling me?!

-Lauren...

-It's all right, Arthur.

I'm used to dealing with worse drunkards than her.

I'm not drunk.

Can you just tell her, please? I'm not even drunk!

Go home. Sober up

and try to behave like a proper young lady for once.

Oh, Vicar.

Oh, I'm sorry that you had to witness that little performance.

On the contrary. It was quite the eye-opener.

-Mrs Branning.

-Yes?

I think myself and the committee have done you a disservice.

That's just the kind of fighting spirit

we need for an ambassador of St Cuthbert's.

An ambassador?

We would be honoured to have you as the church warden.

Obviously I'd have to consult with the committee,

-but that's just a formality at this stage.

-Oh, Vicar.

Your first job being the rather pressing subject of the church roof.

Oh, the repairs, yes. What, get up a fund, you mean?

How much do we need?

Roughly 8,000.

But if anyone can pull it off, you can.

OK, you can open them.

Ta-da! There you go. What do you think?

I know it feels like we've been neglecting you a bit lately...

That's because you have.

Yeah. Well, from now on that's all going to change.

-DOOR OPENS

-I promise you.

-Is it a phone?

We're in here, Lauren. It's a calculator.

I thought it was quite good.

Don't give up the day job!

You're the artist, Lauren. Tell us. What do you think?

I tell you what I think -

I think Grandma Dot should be locked up. That's what I think.

I give up.

Why are you staring at me?

Get out of my sight!

What? Are we not... I thought we was having cake? No?

Just go, Lauren, I can't even look at you.

-Out!

-What is it with everyone today?

Lauren, just go to bed.

Do you know what?

Stuff the lot of you!

So what if they saw you fall over?

Look, what you've got to do is get back up again

and show the older kids what you're really made of.

OK. Go on. Get changed.

-You all right, Bobby?

-He'll live.

-You know, I really don't get you.

-Get what?

How you can be a real cow one minute and then...

And then what? What's he said?

I bet he's filled your head with a load of rubbish.

I don't want to take sides. I just want things back to how they were.

-Yeah, well, it's too late.

-Is it?

Why are you really here?

I told you. To sort out this mess.

There's more to it than that.

I'm your twin, remember. I know you better than anyone.

Why can't you just give Dad one last chance?

-I've already said it's too late.

-But it wasn't yours to take.

You know where I was when you were surfing

-and sleeping with my best mate?

-Luce, that was a year and a half ago.

I was stuck here holding Bobby while he cried himself to sleep every night.

So don't you dare come in here and start throwing your weight around!

I gave Dad his chance.

And he blew it.

Janine?

-What are you doing?

-What does it look like?

How did you get...

-You took my key, didn't you?

-Yep, I did.

All that talk about us being friends was just...

Michael, you need to go!

I'm not leaving till I find out where my daughter is!

You can't be here. Please, can you just leave...

Don't touch me, girl!

Why are you flinching? Do you think I'm going to hit you?

Why are you flinching?

Please, can you just go?

Please.

Don't start crying.

I just don't want to get in any more trouble, OK?

Please, Michael.

I...just want to know where my daughter is.

That's all.

She should be here with her father.

All right?

I heard you were back.

Listen. Lauren -

she don't need another boy messing about with her head.

So do me a favour and stay away from her.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

I told you to stop calling. So leave me alone, all right?!

What are you doing lurking behind the door?

I'm checking the lock.

What for?

Well, I took your advice, Mum.

I gave her a chance and she threw it back in my face,

so I'm doing it my way now.

What're you talking about?

From now on she doesn't leave this house, unless one of us is with her.

You can't keep her locked up.

Watch me.

Any word?

Would I be sat here if there was?

Don't take it out on Alice. Scarlett will come back.

Sorry.

This is lovely...

It's a birthday present for her.

She'll love it.

Where you going?

Michael?

I really need you, Lola.

Tanya can't come in and I really can't do

all them clients on my own, so give me a call, yeah?

Michael?

Michael...

Don't chase him, Alice.

What?

He ain't right for you.

You know nothing about him.

I know enough about him, right?

I've tended the cuticles of the broken-hearted.

Everyone he's in contact with ends up hurt.

Can you just leave it, Poppy?

No. Look... When Fats kissed me for the first time, right, I knew.

Right?

And I know that he loves me and cares about me

and I can trust him.

Do you think Michael is ever going to make you feel like that?

Yeah.

Ain't changed your mind, then?

I got this. From the doctor's.

That didn't work last time. She won't read it.

It's for you... To understand her.

I do understand her, thanks, Mum.

She just don't know when to stop drinking.

She don't know HOW to stop.

It's different.

You know what? If I'd known that, I might not have lost a daughter.

Did you just see that?

She's fine with me on Friday and now she blanks me.

Is there something wrong with me?

Clearly not, judging by the harem of women.

It's been like a house-share with Hugh Hefner since Mum left.

One perfectly respectable lady, on perfectly respectable dates.

All right, postie? Got a special delivery for my mum, have ya?

Enchanting family...

Oi. You opening up Basher's, or what?

Cover me.

Go easy on him, mate. Janine's run off with Scarlett.

Ever speak to that halfwit husband of yours?

Halfwit? That ain't fair. He ain't even half.

Very good. He can tell his no-mark sister

that I'm reporting her to the police.

I'm late and I need to make Bobby's lunch...

No, you don't. Egg and ketchup sarnies.

Though I told him he'd never get a girlfriend with egg breath.

And stop taking the world on your shoulders.

Getting Bobby ready for school?

Thought it was about time I helped out.

Listen, I was thinking about asking Lucy if I could help out at work?

-Take something over for her?

-She won't give up her little empire.

-I'll ask...

-Just tell her that it's yours by rights, OK?

I was always going to give you a third of the business.

It's not about money, Dad. It's about fixing this family.

I've got your keys.

What?

Are you serious?

Mum, are you locking me in?!

-What about my project?

-You'll have to do it here.

What, video my own family keeping me hostage?

Lauren, all I want you to do is prove to me you can

go a few days without having a drink.

Sis? Any chance of these bacon sandwiches?

I've got to get Abi to her exams.

Sorry, I forgot, I'll bring them over.

You hung-over, or something?

I've gone blank on everything.

Osmosis... Is this flower deplasmolysed or plasmolysed?

Abs, it's dead. Should've gone to bed earlier, you know?

-Exams are important.

-I did. Well, at least I tried.

What's Lauren talking about, under house arrest?

Coffee, please. And a chat.

Have I done something wrong?

-I'm busy.

-Oh, right...too busy to talk about us?

Come find me when you're not.

You all right, Dot? Not still upset over what the vicar said, are you?

He persuaded the committee to give me the job.

Oh, that's great!

Isn't it?

What, that he persuaded the committee or that I'm good for

more than washing other people's dirty laundry?

He wants me to collect £8,000 for some fund or other.

I've forgotten which one. It's either the roof or the organ.

Well, it's quite a challenge...

I think I've bitten off more than I can chew.

I mean, so far, the alms of Walford have amounted to 26p.

Perhaps the vicar was right.

Why don't I help, Dot? How about a charity night at R&R?

-What?

-Well, no offence, Sharon, you know,

but I think what with the goings on at the B&B

I'd better steer clear of iniquities.

It's hardly a knocking shop!

Well, it's hardly a tea parlour. I mean, all them inebriated people

doing whatever in dark corners...

Here, what if it's a tea dance?

You know, in the afternoon? With all hands visible?

Dot, I'm not being rude, but when did you last go to a club night?

I don't think I've ever been, Sharon.

Well, you've got to understand what young people want.

Maybe think about it, yeah?

Where is...? That.

Everything all right?

Michael?

Norman Pike, please. It's Michael Moon.

Soon as possible, please. Yeah.

Michael, what's happened?

Just...wait a minute.

Norman, yeah.

Do you know what the police say when your wife steals your child?

-You went to the police?

-Just wait a minute!

Do you know what they say? They say, "Phone your solicitor."

So now I'm phoning my solicitor,

and what are you going to do about it, Norman?

How do I know if she's taking her abroad?! What are you going to do about it?

Tan!

Tanya!

Always drama at that house.

What's with you and Lauren? Thought you were mates.

She's not mates with anything unless it's served in a large glass.

Really? She seemed fine yesterday.

Don't fall for that whole wounded angel act.

I tried to help her, until she helped herself to my boyfriend behind my back -

which is her cousin, might I add.

Not that she could keep him. Sad, little alcoholic.

And you coped with all this? On your own?

Yeah, well, I've had to, haven't I?

Let me help. I could run the chippy.

That's low.

-What?

-Pretending to care just so I'll hand it over to you.

You know what, you are just as bad as dad.

You're the only one plotting, Lucy.

I've been waiting an hour for you. I need my break.

Oi, Mum! Did lover boy find you?

She all right?

There's definitely something wrong.

I need to know if she's taken her passport...

Go in then, go trash the place and give her an excuse to attack you

and say you're violent and you're not fit to be a father.

Let me go in there. If it's there, I'll find it, OK?

You go and see your solicitor and sort out what you have to do.

Do you feel rough?

They're overreacting. I can stop when I want.

Well, you're lucky. You know, most people can't.

Some people find it the hardest thing in the world.

Her drinking's way out of control.

-You can't just lock her up, Tan.

-My house, my rules.

Abi's going to do well in her exams, ain't she(?)

She's exhausted from you two screaming and shouting all night!

You're the only person who's shouting here, Max.

When Abi gets back from her exam, I want this to be a nice, calm house, all right? None of that.

Come on. Let's just leave it now.

Thank you. Yeah. Right, so...

Listen to your wife.

This ain't the right way, Tan.

See you later, Lauren.

See ya.

He's right.

Yes, thanks, Mum. I've read your leaflet.

And actually, she's got none of the symptoms.

She's not shaking, she's not sweating. So it's working, all right?

It's working.

-You all right, Mum?

-Yeah.

-You crying?

-No, I'm not.

What's happened? Has something happened?

-Nothing.

-Don't look like nothing.

-You've been a bit...

-What?

-A bit snappy lately.

I've not been sleeping very well, have I?

Look, Kat's on the stall. I ain't in no rush...

Why are you washing the sheets again?

You only changed them last night.

Stop asking me stupid questions.

You ain't had a little accident, have you?

No, of course not.

Well, what? Come on, you HAVE been crying.

I'm getting a bit worried now.

I've been having night sweats, that's all.

Why? You're not ill, are you?

-No.

-What, then? Come on, Mum, you know you can tell me anything.

It's the menopause.

I thought you were going to tell me you were dying!

Well, maybe a part of me is.

Least you ain't sprouted a big beard or nothing.

You think this is some sort of joke?

You want to try having a hot flush,

it's like this sort of massive power surge,

you think you're going to overheat all the time.

I woke up every hour last night drenched in sweat.

Then I was freezing to death. You think that's funny?

Why don't you take them hormone tablets everyone goes on about?

Yeah, I have. I mean, I've seen the doctor

and he's given me a prescription, but there's a list of horrible side effects.

Surely it's got to be better than feeling like this every day?

Come on, Mum, you'll be all right.

Will I?

Do you know what? I read a survey at the beginning of the year.

It said life begins at 50.

Happiest years of a woman's life.

-How come I feel like such a joke?

-You ain't a joke.

Anyway, Masood don't think you're a joke.

You know what, this is my body giving me a message,

telling me to give up on men.

The mark-up on that...

You can talk. You were charging people a fiver for two eggs!

That's ouef en cocotte.

-IN FRENCH ACCENT:

-Two packets of sugar - three quid.

-HE CHUCKLES

-There you go.

Well?

It's not something I like being proved right on.

I just wish she'd trust me.

Tell you what - how about you work in the restaurant with me?

Beale and son.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. We'll take Walford on plate by plate.

Apart from the philistines.

I'd take the extra strong, if I were you,

what with your breath.

That what you use? Shame it don't work, innit?

Keep the change.

-Phil?

-I'm late for work, Sharon.

It won't take long. I was thinking of a club charity night.

-Raise funds for the church roof.

-We don't do novelty nights. Thought we established that last week.

-It's to help Dot.

-I don't run R&R for Dot's sake.

Come on. It's one night. Let me do it.

Sharon, the R&R is for kids who want to get smashed out their skull,

cop off and pay me for the privilege, and it's going to stay that way.

Saint Phil, eh? Always putting others first.

What you going to do?

-What can I do?

-There's two ways of surviving Phil Mitchell.

One is to lay down, roll over and do whatever he says.

The other one is to stand up and fight.

I can handle him.

Do you know, Pat was out pulling in a leopard-print bra

when she was twice your age?

Maybe I learned a little earlier to stop making a fool of myself.

You ain't made a fool of yourself.

-A 4x4.

-What?

-Four kids from four different fathers who all left me.

I was a failure when I was pregnant with you at 14, and do you know what?

I've not changed since.

So my dad walks out on you,

your family tell you not to have me, but you do -

you're 14, that ain't a failure, that's brave.

Yeah? And where am I, 36 years later?

Start of the year, moping over the same idiot.

What do you mean, start of the year?

My dad walked out ages ago.

What do you mean?

There was a letter.

So we can fight this, yeah? Taking the child abroad is clearly a criminal offence,

the police will have to act?

I could contact the police.

I could tell them there's a threat of abduction.

Very good. Shall we do that now? Shall we ring them now?

MESSAGE ALERT

That's the nanny, she's found Janine's passport.

What, so she's still here? She's still in the UK?

-You going to ring the police?

-Well, I can't now.

You've said you don't think there's any danger to Scarlett, that her welfare isn't at risk?

It's abduction.

Not if she's still in the UK.

Are you having a laugh? Whose solicitor are you?

Are you mine or are you hers?

We have to follow the law, Mr Moon.

All I can do is apply for a court order.

So another form? That's your answer, is it? Another form?

There must be something else I can do.

I thought my dad just didn't care, and you just let me?

I only got it the day of Derek's funeral.

And he was keeping it from me.

Besides there wasn't anything to tell - the phone number didn't work.

He might have been in trouble.

He might have needed us, Mum. Did he mention me?

No, he didn't mention anything. It was just a number.

No, that was a chance.

He was thinking about us!

He could walk back through this door!

Yeah? And then what would happen? Same thing that always happens.

He'd go, he'd leave.

-You don't know that.

-Yes, I do. He'd break my heart. Like he always does.

And I would always, always be waiting for him to do it.

Because it was just a stupid dream, OK?

Like it is with every man I know.

Getting Peter to do your dirty work? Dad, that is low, even for you.

Actually, I told him he was wasting his time.

Lucy, the whole world's not against you.

Ah! Welcome to the family business, son. Service starts in one hour.

Dig deep for the church... Blimey, what's the matter with this lot?

Take it Walford ain't THAT religious.

Darling, Dot's religious enough for all of us.

White smoke coming off her cigarettes every time she lights up,

I keep thinking we've got a new pope! Max? Come on.

Do me a favour, I've got too many ex-wives.

Yeah, I've got a future one.

Come on. It's for Dot, the new church warden.

I only went in the launderette to wash me undercrackers and I got recruited.

Come on, come on, that's it, good boy! Lovely, thank you.

So Carol's ill, you think?

Bianca just said something might be wrong.

Ask HER.

Hey, any winnings on there, straight in the tin. Come on.

-Raised much?

-About enough for one slate, Sharon.

What I need is divine intervention or a divine, big cheque.

Might as well put in myself.

She's roped you into the happy-clappy brigade an' all, has she?

Least I had the sense to say no.

And if I was you, I'd dig that note out of there.

You're late with the rent.

Maybe I should go and see Tanya again?

Try and talk a bit of sense into her?

Leave it out, Max. Abi needs a calm house.

Besides, I need a cuddle.

I've got a break coming up soon...

No, Poppy, I'm sorry. I can't, I can't come in.

Right, well, can't Lola help you?

Yeah.

She did say something about social services... All right.

Yes. No...

All right.

I'll come in but I can't stay long. OK? Bye.

It's all right. Maybe my 16-year-old sister can babysit me(!)

No visitors. All right?

Getting drunk? That's the answer?

Trying to help, Michael. I know what it's like to fight for your kid.

Police couldn't help you, then?

I was going to stop you this morning.

They can't intervene. Not on matrimonial stuff.

You come to gloat?

No, I've come to tell you. I learnt the hard way.

Play by the system.

All right? Follow the rules or you could lose your kid for ever.

There must be someone I can pay off.

A bent cop? You were one of those once, as I recall. Pay someone off? Be sweet.

It's not about money. It's about following the law.

All you can do is wait, mate.

I'll be getting drunk, then.

I'll kill Bianca. This is supposed to be my day off.

You look nice.

Do I? Thanks. Are you about tonight?

I was thinking of making a nice little dinner for all of us.

No, Bianca owes me a drink after today.

And I don't think Michael's in the mood for dinner, either.

But we're celebrating. I found Janine's passport,

-which means she hasn't taken Scarlett away.

-Right.

Well, I've just seen him go over to the Vic and he don't look too happy.

Dot, let me do this night for you.

Prove the vicar wrong yeah?

Are you sure you want to do it?

You sure you're up to all the work?

You're looking tired out, Sharon.

I can handle it. Trust me.

Look, I'll even turn the lights up, no dark corners.

What about Phil?

How's he going to feel about you giving away all his profits?

I can handle Phil.

Shall I do it?

DOT CHUCKLES

All right? Listen, I was just thinking, do you want me to pick up

your bedding from the launderette later?

Has she told everyone?

No. Just me.

Look, em...

I do think you should talk to Masood, though.

It's my private business.

Yeah, and he's been really worried about you -

he just told me in the Vic.

She's really worried an' all. I think you should talk to her.

Can I have a bottle of fizz to take away, please?

Our fizz and de-fuzz leg wax promotion is, like,

totes out of fizz.

You OK?

You hated your dad, didn't you?

No. I loved him.

Don't lie. You hated him.

You hated him because he abandoned you.

But then I found him and I understood, and I loved him.

How lovely(!) How pure(!)

It's actually quite enjoyable,

hating someone. I hated my dad for years, I fed off it.

It was brilliant, actually.

Michael, Scarlett's not going to hate you. She can't.

I promise you.

How do you promise, Alice? Tell me.

Because she can't. Because nobody would hate you.

Not if they really knew you.

Don't do that.

Alice...?

Lunch, I nicked it from the restaurant. Perks of the job.

I've got a quick break if...

Yeah, yeah, come in.

-It's no visitors.

-How come?

Nothing. Mum just went off on one last night for no reason.

Hardly!

Is everything all right?

Yeah. Fine.

You got some revising to do or something? Upstairs?

I'm sorry.

-I should have told you about the letter.

-Yeah, you should.

I just... D'you know what? I wish I'd never known.

I thought maybe that was the best way for you, too.

BIANCA SIGHS Oh, come on, Bianca. You know it would have failed.

Will you just stop all this "I've failed" nonsense?

-Well, I have.

-No, Mum, you haven't. You're as good as this family gets.

You don't give up.

After everything this family's been through,

and you, as well.

-And what, you're giving up now over a couple of sheets?

-No. It's over age.

But you're young. And Masood, he ain't some stupid dream.

He's a perfectly decent, single bloke.

The only reason that'll fail is cos he'll dump you

cos you're too stubborn to tell him the truth.

He's a chance for you, Mum.

Don't give up.

Now, go in there and make me a cup of tea.

Do you remember that stupid wife swap?

Yeah. Our parents are such idiots.

And that time your dad was running round here thinking we'd...

you know.

Yeah... You were well scared.

I thought he was going to beat me up.

I suppose he was just looking after you.

I saw him hammering on the door this morning.

What's that all about?

You all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine..

-You seem...unhappy.

-FRONT DOOR SLAMS

-It's me, what's up?

You have to go.

-What's he doing here?

-Mum...

-Is there booze in that?

-No.

-Have you been drinking? Did you bring drink round?

-Mum!

It was just food. I've got to get back to work, anyway.

You are ruining my life.

I'm searching your room.

He didn't bring booze round!

Do you expect me to trust you, do you?

Mum, he didn't bring it, cos I already had it.

Yeah. It's vodka.

It's vodka, and you're so stupid, you sat there and watched me drink it all day.

So the women of Walford have let you go, have they?

That blonde on table three, she was gutted when you left.

-Could've got a big tip there.

-Peter...

I'm sorry. I should've given you a job.

-You were right.

-Bit late now, innit?

No, I still want it. The chippy?

No. Shifts. The veg stall. Till you prove yourself.

Shifts? Come on, son, you're better than that.

Dad, I've loved it today.

But I meant it, I don't want this family at war.

I'll take the stall, Lucy. I'm going to help you.

What do you want to happen, then?

Do you want me to say, "You're the only one that understands me,

"the only one that gets me?"

Maybe I am.

You lashed out at me but I know why.

Because there's nothing in your life you can control.

She IS an alcoholic.

My daughter is an alcoholic.

Oh, darling...

-How do I help her, Mum?

-She's got to want to help herself.

But I can't just watch her, can I?

She's killing herself.

SHE SOBS

I've...

I've...

I've never...

This is my first time.

-Morning.

-Morning.

You looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn't want to wake you.

-I wish you had, I'm late.

-Oh, I've made us breakfast.

She's been cooking all morning.

Has she?

For some reason, I woke up starving. I thought you might have as well.

I've an appointment at the Missing Persons and I don't eat breakfast.

OK... I'll see you later then.

Hey.

Hold on, what are you still doing here?

Didn't you hear what I said? I said I don't want you round here. Ain't you got the message yet?

Don't worry, I'm not here for you. I'm here on a job.

DEXTER TUTS

If you're looking for the back door keys, you won't find them.

No, I'm looking for a spoon, for my breakfast.

Oh, right. Oh, right.

They're where they've always lived...

but if you're looking for the keys and that bottle of vodka that you've hidden,

they've gone, and there's no way you'll be getting a drink today.

What?

You can't do that.

You cannot steal my stuff and you can't keep me locked up either.

I tried trusting you, Lauren - look what happened.

Well, what if I want to go to college?

See my mates or something? What if I want some fresh air?

You want to go out, great. Let's go and see the doctor.

Lauren, you need help.

If you won't accept it from anyone else

then we're going to have to do this ourselves.

Ain't going to work if she don't want it to.

She's my baby, Mum.

What am I meant to do, let her hit rock bottom?

Jay, I mean look at this bredder, bruv.

-Look, I wouldn't even mind if the tunes was good, you know.

-SOUL MUSIC PLAYING

Well, they are better than yours, mate, to be fair.

Oh, what, just cos I don't listen to One Direction.

Hey, how are you guys getting on with that motor?

Yeah, I'd do a lot better if you weren't distracting me, bruv.

I mean, can't you go and fit that inside?

-What, fit an outdoor light?

-Look, I know why you're doing this.

You're doing this so you can wind me up, innit.

Look, I didn't know where it was and even if I did,

how can I turn down cash, seeing as I've just forked out on a new motor?

It's a few days.

You get on with your work...and I'll get on with mine.

TURNS VOLUME DOWN

I thought you were going to tell him.

I will, when I see him tonight

but it's not the sort of thing you can blurt out

over chips and eggs in the cafe, is it?

It's not like you're telling him you've got some STD or something, is it?

Dot, tell her it's nothing to be ashamed of.

-Me mum, she's going through the change.

-Bianca!

I thought you'd gone through that years ago. I'll have a doughnut, Carol.

Well, I haven't and I'd rather the whole square didn't know about it now.

Dot will tell you there's nothing to worry about, won't you, Dot?

Oh, I don't know, Bianca.

I mean, some people, they suffer something chronic.

I mean, Ethel, she used to have them hot flushes.

Well, she pretended it was the temperature -

I mean, that was all very well in summer

but it was a bit awkward in the winter.

I didn't have them, luckily, I was hot at night.

And then, of course, your memory, oh-ho-ho, goes to pot!

But, you see, I was on them hormones

and once you take them, you know, everything's normal.

And you know, your monthlies, that cross that we women have to bear,

they'll be behind you. So you'll be as right as rain!

-Oh, right, well, I'll count myself lucky, then.

-I'll have a cup of tea to go, please.

-See you later.

-Ooh, I say, Phil, will there be anybody in the R&R this afternoon?

Cos I want to bring the vicar round to have a shufti.

I didn't know his Holiness was a raver(?)

Oh, Phil, he usually preaches against them haunts of vice

but Sharon promised that the fundraiser

would be in the best of possible taste.

She's agreed to this, has she?

Yes, and we are very grateful, and to you -

you know, especially as you're an unbeliever

but I'm sure the Lord will bless you anyway!

The Lord better save his blessings for Sharon

cos she'll be the one doing all the work.

Put the client at ease and then just gently tweak out the hair.

-OK.

-Yeah.

-Hiya.

-Oh, hello.

-You got a minute?

-Yeah. One sec.

You've, erm...you've cheered up since yesterday.

-And why didn't you text me back? I was well worried.

-Sorry.

-Excuse me. Busy.

-Oh, sorry,

I'm just giving Lola a lesson in the art of the perfect brow.

Don't worry, don't worry, I've done this a million times.

Don't push on the head. Argh!

Not learnt the meaning of the word "gentle" though, have you?

If you're busy, don't worry, I can...

-You know, it's not important, I just wanted a little chat.

-Really?

-Why have you got that big cheesy grin on your face then?

-I haven't!

Yes, you have, you're grinning like a Cheshire cat!

I'm in a good mood. What's wrong with that?

You've got the look that I always have when I get l...

You know...lucky!

Ah, she has!

Lola!

Do you just want to go and get some coffees for us, please?

-No problem.

-Yes.

-Who'd have thought, Alice.

-You didn't?

-I did.

Oh, my God, tell me everything! Who? What? Where? When? How?

Well, who do you think?

-Michael?

-Yeah!

I thought he wasn't interested.

So did I, but then last night he just started kissing me.

-What, and you just let him?

-Yeah.

You know I wanted my first time to be with somebody who I care about.

It was amazing, Poppy.

It was exactly how I imagined it would be.

Well, I think so.

Well, as long as you enjoyed it, I'm happy for you.

You don't seem it.

Look, I know this is what you wanted but...

I don't know what Michael's playing at.

So he'd have to be playing at something to want to sleep with me?

No. Just think about it, right - his wife has just left him,

taken the baby as well,

and now, all of a sudden, he decides he wants you?

Come on, Alice, you can do so much better. He's not right for you.

Poppy, I'm not stupid, I know the timing's not great but...

last night was the best night I've ever had

and nothing's going to spoil that.

Cheers, love.

Well, you'd better get a move on

cos Dot and the vicar are on their way over

to make plans for their fundraiser.

Despite the fact I told you not to bother with it.

Well, it ain't just down to you. I thought it would be good publicity.

Oh, yeah. Nightclub invaded by a Bible bash?

I don't see why it bothers you. I've said I can handle it.

Do you really need the hassle on top of everything else?

Whatever you think, I am capable of putting on one event.

So stop questioning me about every decision I make.

Fine, if you want to go to the trouble

but don't ask me for any help.

Oh, I know better than to do that, Phil.

-You left early this morning. I missed you.

-Couldn't sleep, could I?

-You know, thought I'd get some paperwork done.

-Should have woken me.

I'd have thought of something interesting to wear you out.

Babe, I got loads to do, all right?

I want to get it all done before Lauren kicks off again.

See you later.

Girls...

chocolates, two for a pound.

Mate, gorgeous women with figures like these,

they don't want chocolates.

Why would they go for junk when they could go for something much sweeter?

And if you're really lucky he'll give you his phone number as well.

PHONE RINGING

Hello?

Look, I'm so sorry, I know, it should have gone through.

Yeah, I'll get you the money today.

I just had a cash flow issue.

I thought I'd sorted it out but obviously not.

Yeah, it's fine. I know what the problem is.

Hello, Tan. I just wanted to pop over and see if everyone was all right.

No, I'm not. She still won't let me out, Dad.

Well, I've tried doing things the easy way.

Apparently that didn't work, so...

Yeah, I'm sure your mum's trying to help, Lauren,

you should just take it easy.

Can I not just come and stay at yours?

I don't mind living with you and Kirsty.

-Yeah, well, I don't mind. It's fine.

-Well, hello, I do!

No. She's just trying to divide us, isn't she?

Get us arguing, so she can sneak off and get off her face. It's not going to work.

It's not all about you, Mum, it is down to Dad as well.

Right, well, is there anything else I can do?

-I can take the day off work...

-No, don't put yourself out.

I'm trying to help. It's not going to happen if you won't give me a chance.

I have managed on my own so far this week, thank you.

She knows I'm not going to give up on this,

so there's nothing she can do, is there?

You all right? Tea, please.

Kat, I was just wondering, what time are you going to be home later?

Why? Are you planning on sneaking a boy over?

-Maybe.

-Ooh, you little hussy!

I didn't know you were seeing anyone.

I'm not exactly, it was just one night, so...

Good for you! How come you didn't tell me?

I dunno.

We haven't had a chance to talk properly since it's happened, so...

he might not be interested any more.

He wouldn't have done anything at all if he didn't want you. Be mad not to call.

-I'll drag Bianca to the Vic so you can have the place to yourselves, yeah?

-OK.

I don't know about Michael, though.

Last thing you want is him walking in when you're getting down to it.

-I'm sure it won't be a problem.

-See you later.

-Bye.

DOOR OPENING

What are you doing? That's all my paperwork!

That's exactly why I'm going through it,

to look for any more cheques you've hidden.

Give it a rest, Luce. Can't we just have a chilled-out lunch?

Well, I would, but I have suppliers complaining that they haven't been paid

because you've stolen all my money.

-Yeah, and I told you, I'm going to pay you back.

-And it's hardly stealing.

-So what would you call it if someone helped themselves to your account without asking?

-A loan.

Can't you cover it till the restaurant makes a profit?

-Yeah, if it ever does.

-It will, OK?

I have had loads of bookings, Lucy.

You'll get your money by the end of the month.

-There you go, there's no problem.

-Until the next time he tries to fleece me.

Look, we get it, all right? You're upset, but it was a one-off.

Yeah, course it was...

..because he'd never try and steal from anyone else.

Of course, it ain't the first place you'd think of

for a respectable church event

cos usually it's a seedy den of iniquity.

Well, we prefer to bill it as a more intimate nightspot, Dot.

Yes, well, but with a proper clean

we'll have it looking half decent in no time. Won't you, Sharon?

I think it's marvellous,

someone doing something with our young Christians.

Obviously it'll have to be a church event.

Right, so how many youngsters do you have in the church?

Right now?

Three.

-Three?

-Is that all?

Well, four - including myself!

So, how are we going to have a young Christians' disco

if we don't have any young Christians?

Well, we are reaching out to the young ones.

Anyway, Sharon, I thought you had all the contacts.

Can't we put the word out on the street?

I mean, hit the social networking sites.

Oh, no, we'll be run over with riff raff and hooligans and gatecrashers.

I don't think there's much chance of that happening, Dot.

Well, if you don't think you can pull it off, Sharon,

we can always cancel.

And give Phil the satisfaction of saying, "I told you so"?

No, I'll find a way of bringing 'em in -

even if I have to convert 'em myself.

Sharon.

-Tell him I don't want him round here.

-I've told him. He's just trying to earn a living.

The only living he can earn is round where I work?

How would you feel if he kept turning up in your classroom, every day?

All right, I'll try to get him to back off AGAIN.

Mum, please, make sure cos I can't have him in my face every day.

Whit!

You all right? I got your text.

Yeah. I've just got a massive hangover. My mum won't let me out.

Do you want to come in for a bit?

You know, bring a bottle or something?

No, I can't. Sorry.

Just for a bit.

It's just I need the hair of the dog, you know.

To be honest, Lauren, your mum told me not to give you any booze, no matter what you say.

What?! Whitney, are you just going to go along with her?

She's got a point. It's not right, is it?

You know, you've called me in the middle of the day for booze.

Yeah, well, I only called you

because I thought you'd understand, Whitney.

I thought you were on my side.

I am. I am, babe, I swear.

It's just not right. I can't do it. I'm sorry.

Hey, man, you look like you could do with some cheering up.

How about I treat you to a quick foxtrot later?

They're starting ballroom dancing at the community centre

and I'm looking for a lucky lady.

You're looking in the wrong place.

So, you'd rather sit down here and drown your sorrows?

I'd rather drown 'em at home

but Tanya's trying to get Lauren on the wagon.

She thinks she can wave some kind of magic wand

and everything's going to be fine.

Maybe she can?

I've been here before.

There's not many happy endings.

-How did it go?

-Waste of time.

-They must have said something?

-Inept. Just like the police.

Because Janine has Scarlett, it's technically not abduction.

So that means I'm powerless. I just have to wait.

Well, I wouldn't go home just yet, if I was you.

Alice has got some boyfriend coming over.

Made it pretty clear that she wants the place to herself.

Did she say who with?

No, but she's obviously over you

because she couldn't keep the smile off her face.

I think she's in love.

What have you been saying to my mates?

I wanted to make sure they didn't sneak you any booze if you asked, which you obviously have.

I don't believe this.

What is your obsession with trying to run my life?

-She's just trying to help you, Lauren.

-You know what I think?