Pushed to breaking point and desperate to protect her sister, Ronnie takes matters into her own hands. After receiving an unnerving invitation, Mick decides to hide it from Linda.
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Morning. Oh, look, there's the milkman. Hello!
All right? Yeah. You going to walk me home?
Your fancy woman writing you love letters again?
Can't wait for it to feel more like home. Shut up, Tina. I don't want to share with you!
Yeah, well, I ain't the one who keeps stinking it out, blowing off. Why can't I have my own room, then?
You know why you can't have your own room. Why can't Johnny share?
What if I want to bring a lady home?
What if Johnny wants to bring a lady home? You think I'd bring a lady home here?
What's wrong with bringing a lady home here? Right. That is it. I'm splitting the room.
I'm building a lezzanine.
No-one is building a lezzanine.
Amy's been asking where you were.
So I told her that you'd popped out early.
That'd be a lie, then, wouldn't it?
Can you make sure you pack the nice Roxy before we go to Ibiza, please?
I've dropped my scarf somewhere.
You know she's still sleeping with Carl, don't you?
I don't care. It's the third night in a row that she hasn't even been home.
If she wants to behave like a spoilt cow, it's down to her. I ain't looking out for her any more.
Anyway, doing it your way, you're just going to push her away.
So what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to just pretend?
I've invited Sharon over. Denny's been ill all weekend so I ain't had a chance to see her.
So she's more important now, is she? Sorry, I'm confused.
Does that mean that you and her are back together, then?
Ronnie, it's nothing to do with you.
Well, I'm surprised. Always thought you'd end up with Shirley.
I got your text.
They're not mine. Those ain't your pulling pants? I thought I had some dodgy numbers!
You got a placcy bag? In case Lady Di does...
Mum, I've got a placcy bag. Oi! Mick!
That's my boy. Already got his hands on her drawers!
Do you two have to?
Boy's a magnet. Gimme ten minutes, I'm going to come and see you!
You met my parents?
If you ever want to laugh at my laundry...
Had MY eye on that scarf.
I know that ring. You looking for something for Ronnie?
No. Why would I do that?
Well, isn't it round now her baby died?
I can't even imagine how she's feeling.
Right. I'll leave you to it, yeah? Bye.
That's what she thinks, though, isn't it? She was just narked at me, that's all.
Yeah, well, if your own family think that, Phil... It's not their life, is it? It's mine.
Ours? Listen. Friday night...
Phil. You seen my keys?
Don't worry. I'll get Roxy's.
These things happen. It made me realise...you know. How good we are together.
When we're not fighting.
I'm serious, Sharon. I've not thought about anything else.
So what do you say, you know...?
How about we do this properly and we give it another go, yeah?
Look, will you stop with the angry face
and just tell me what's going on? Peter dumped me. All right?
And don't ask why, cos I don't know.
He dumped you, yeah?
I mean, no! He dumped you?
Do you know what? He wouldn't know a good thing if he saw one, anyway.
Thanks, Dex. I'm off.
Look, heartbreak is... it's part of life.
Yeah, or in your case, most of life.
Phil would rip me to pieces.
Listen, Dex, is...she all right?
What do you think?
Why is life so flipping complicated?
Listen, stop all that. It's New Year's tomorrow, man.
Do you want to go into town? I'd love to.
But it's coming up to the end of the month and you know Phil. He starts collecting, don't he?
Yeah, um...don't get mad but...
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Can we just talk about it? Come on. Come on, come on.
No, your sister has been walking around splashing my cash.
What, and you don't think I'm mad at her as well?
Hold on. Cindy! Cindy! She lied to us.
She lied to our face. Cindy!
She's not in, she's gone to our gran's.
Do you know what? I'm going back to get all the wages that's been taken off me. No, don't! Don't, please.
My dad's going to sort it out. What do you mean, your dad's going to...? He...Phil...doesn't know.
I was looking to borrow your keys. Yeah, well, you had no right.
What if Amy had found it? Amy doesn't go snooping in my bag!
What about Phil?
Where did you get it, Roxy? Did Carl give it to you?
Look, he slipped it in a Christmas card. Made a little joke about snow.
Have you forgotten what you were like?
Oh, come on, that was years ago.
It was awful. I don't want to see you going back there again.
OK. You know what? It is really no big deal. It's just a bit of fun.
Is that why we left Ibiza, was it? Because you were having fun?
You're the one that wants to take me back there. Not so you can do that.
Look, will you just chill out, all right? I didn't take it.
It wouldn't be in the bag if I took it, would it?
I've got punters here. Customers. Clients. And I've got a tap that's leaking. Um, Billy?
This one's in George Street. No, it's Gregory Street.
I just wondered, since Janine was away... You want a job, go to the Jobcentre.
I've got to get back to the salon.
If I have to sort my own plumber out, I won't be very happy. OK.
I just thought you might need an extra pair of hands. I'm fine.
New Year's Eve party. First drink's on the house.
At the Vic? I'm Mick.
Just taken it over. I'm Sadie. I run the salon round the corner.
This is my husband, Jake.
Nice to meet you, pal. Pleasure. Tell your girls there's a babe magnet behind the bar.
Free kisses at midnight! Dad!
A babe magnet? Thought that was me. See you.
Thanks for this. See you there. Lovely to meet you.
Oh, look, two minutes and she's pulled!
She's as bad as you.
He's not usually like this.
Going to go and hand out some more of these. Good boy.
Alfie. Have you seen Peter?
He ain't in the cafe.
Just...market regulations, can't have him away from the stall for that long.
Oi, whoa! Dogs today, eh?
I blame the parents.
She doesn't want DVDs, she wants you.
I was walking past the pawnbroker's shop.
You know, the one on Turpin Road, this morning and there it was.
And you bought it?
I've no idea why. I just saw it. And I thought...
It's kind of weird. You know. Just to have it.
And remember him. What he was like.
I gave that ring away.
I gave it away to some homeless person because I wanted...it...
I wanted that man out of our lives.
Well, the homeless person clearly wanted the cash.
This is what he does. This is what he does.
He brings us trouble. There's no trouble.
I'm going to get rid of it.
Ron, I don't know. I'm going to get rid of it.
And then we're going to go to Ibiza.
And we're going to have some fun.
Dad, everything, the last few days, will just be a bad memory.
Where are you going?
Are you going to help me later at R?
What, with a head like mine? I need...um...caffeine.
And then a walk. And then more caffeine.
I love you, Roxy.
I know. I know.
I love you, too.
You wear a lot of different-sized clothes.
I've got a big family. With big pants.
I told you, they're not mine!
Service wash, please.
You'll have to wait until tomorrow, cos I'm absolutely snowed under.
What's your name? Pennant. Danny Pennant.
Yes, well, it looks as though everybody's wearing their Christmas dinner
down their fronts this year.
This'll be eight quid when you come in. Ta. Ta.
Was he just eyeballing me?
He'd flirt with a lamp post, him.
No animals allowed!
My humblest apologies. I've just come in here to pick up
young Casanova over there.
Give me two minutes. Can't say he don't know how to spoil a girl, eh?
I'm sorry but Mr Opopop... he don't like animals.
I couldn't leave a few of these on your counter, could I?
What are they? If you pop in later, I'll give you a little something for your trouble.
I'm Mick Carter, new landlord of the Vic.
I'm Dorothy Branning - Mrs. How do you do?
First drink's on the house.
Sorry to break up this little romance but liven yourself up.
She ain't here. Don't you ever, ever give my sister drugs again.
I don't know what you're talking about. You just don't care about anyone, do you?
What, and you're Florence Nightingale? She's my sister.
Do you want to find out what I'd do to protect her?
Are you threatening me?
If I find out that she's taken anything...
If I even find a hint... She's a big girl, Veronica.
..I'll have you thrown back inside before you know it.
Yeah? So why haven't you done it then?
Stay away from my sister.
In fact, you stay away from the entire Mitchell clan.
Oh, here we go. The Mitchell family theme tune.
Except I ain't listening.
Your sister, she's a lot of fun.
And I like fun.
Get out of my flat.
Good night, was it?
Oh, my head! My head's still banging.
So what are you drinking coffee for, then?
I didn't realise you still...
Carol's off. And...can't live on air, can you? No.
Listen, I was wondering...
I mean, I don't suppose you...
I mean, I could do with an extra pair of...
I thought you were fine?
Oh, I am. I am.
Please, Luce, come back.
I'll go change.
I'll come with you.
It's not fair on Dexter.
Do it...do it tomorrow, yeah?
Excuse me, can I speak to my sister, please?
Things are a bit quiet over there and... Well, I was thinking...
What you said earlier.
And? Well, about...you and me.
KNOCK ON DOOR
I... I swear. I didn't know anything about it.
I swear, Roxy.
On your life?
I thought you might be there.
All right? I was upset about earlier.
I told you. I wanted a coffee. I know. I know, I just thought...
Anyway, you weren't there. And that's when he did it.
That's when he made a move on me.
If you're making this up...
At first I thought he was joking. And I laughed it off.
But then he grabbed me.
I pushed him away and he grabbed me again.
Are you trying to tell me that he...? No.
No. But he was holding my hair, he was looking at me
and telling me how much I wanted it.
I can't believe he would do this.
If he's trying it with me...I bet he's trying it with other people. But my sister?
She took my money? He really didn't know.
And you? You let your mate take the rap for it, yeah?
I've replaced what she spent. Ten grand. It's all there. I swear, Phil.
I bet you put her up to do it, didn't you?
No! Getting Cindy to steal from me! Phil...
Bet you've been laughing at me for all these months, ain't you? No, I didn't know! Ian wouldn't do that.
Getting a kid to do that! Phil, I swear to you... Yeah, and Phil believes you.
And he's grateful you've brought his money back.
Well, you're lucky. You're lucky I'm in a good mood.
Now go on. Sling your hook, the pair of you.
There was a time you'd have put his head straight down the toilet.
You, er...you didn't finish what you were saying.
Do I really have to spell it out?
I know I said you could come in and sign the contracts
but I can't let you live there if someone's already living there.
But they weren't living there earlier on.
Yes, I know it's not good form.
It's my fault. Could you just hang on a second, please?
Hello? Hi. I'm terribly sorry, this must be so frustrating for you.
It's Gregory Street, yeah? OK.
Well, I have another two-bedroom flat there.
Yeah, you will love it. Trust me.
We got any crisps? Course we've got some crisps. You want me to get you some crisps?
Let the boy get his own crisps! Get the lady a vodka, yeah? Customer.
If he was away in Afghanistan,
she'd be outside the base cooking his dinner every night.
Jake's exactly the same with Bella. Spoils her rotten.
Come on, boys and their mums. Dads and their daughters.
On the house.
Here, Shirley, you never told me you had no brother.
He come in today with his dog, who's very lovely
but hardly appropriate for an establishment what does laundry
and he tells me he's taken over as landlord here.
Yeah. He said he came in with Lady Di.
That's the dog? Lady Di.
The royal family was hardly put on earth for your cheap mockery.
Nah, it's my mum. She loves Lady Di. Got a wedding mug and everything.
People round here laid flowers for her. They'll hardly be very pleased.
Then they'll be happy to see her memory live on.
I reckon she ought to be left to rest in peace.
This is my wife, Linda.
How many more of 'em are there?
Like flies, ain't we? Who's she?
Let me get you a drink, Dot.
Mrs Branning, if you don't mind. And I'm not that parched.
Nice to have a good-looking guy working behind the bar for a change.
That ain't really my thing, mate.
What isn't? Compliments?
Right, I've caught up with the invoices.
Need to get them in the post.
Excuse me. What do you think you're doing?
It's probably best for Janine.
You know, if she's planning on keeping this place open.
Which she is planning on.
Yeah. Oh, and there's going to be one more change round here.
Right. What's happening?
You lose a game, you buy a round.
OK. Going to be a cheap evening, innit, eh?
Tel will be all right. He's got a hotel lifestyle, this one.
I'll have you know that is five-star, that B
Look, if you fancy going down the cashpoint, be my guest.
And if you miss a shot, you have a drink.
Hope you guys can handle it!
You get my boy drunk...
Now now, Wonder Woman. Darts and pints. It's a bloke thing.
Right, boys? Watch and learn, watch and learn. Here we go...
Aw, no! Coo-ee!
Go on, girl, go on!
Bloke thing, yeah?
Go on, then. Step up, step up.
Easy. Mind your eyes.
Roxy. Where've you been? I've been trying to call you.
Is it true?
Right, I'm off. See you in the morning, boss.
I never said he could...!
Maybe then we can work out which one of those empty flats
you want me to keep an eye on.
I'm sure we'll work something out.
Here, this is for you.
I wanted to say thank you for picking up my washing.
It was nothing.
Most blokes would have stuck around to help me iron it but... maybe next time.
Oh! Some washing for you, darling, OK! Right, here we go!
I thought, "Just cos he don't drink
"and if we're having a romantic night in..."
I was just telling Linda.
Me and Phil are going to give it another go.
Well, he practically begged me. And it just felt right.
Well, you gotta go with your heart. I'm sure you'll find someone else, Shirley. Even at your age.
I told Phil you'd say yes...
when I turned him down.
Clinging to memories, yeah?
No. Last Friday. Some of us don't go back, Sharon,
even though he practically begged me.
Oi! Don't look back.
Oi! Can't you see what she's doing? What I'm doing?
Haven't you got a club to run? She's my sister, Carl. My sister.
D'you think I was hoping she'd jump into bed and give me a quick one before you got home?
Don't you dare take the mickey out of me. Or maybe that you'd be back so you could join in.
Get your hands off her.
She's not happy. She doesn't want you to see me.
I said, "Let her go!"
How do you know that? She told me. Can't you see what he's doing?
It's convenient, ain't it, that all of a sudden I'm after her?
I knew you'd deny it.
You think if I was going to cheat on you, I'd do it with your sister?
Oh, believe what you want. If you can't trust me, I'm out.
Just when I thought you couldn't stoop any lower.
Carl. Don't play me.
I'm not playing you. From what you've told me about her,
she's the mother of all mind games. Me? She wouldn't do that.
Not to me.
This is ridiculous.
Who do you believe? Me? Or that?
I am no-one's second choice!
What's she said? Oh, you know who I'm talking about, then?
I don't know what she's told you...
You chose her. Her!
And when she said no, you just thought I'd come running.
Well, you did, didn't you? Don't laugh at me, Phil.
Sharon, no-one's laughing at you.
I thought you were serious. I thought you meant it. And I do.
What, cos you couldn't have what you really wanted? I don't see the problem.
She is! She's the problem.
This ain't about Shirley, is it?
No, you're right. You're right.
This is about you.
No, it's about us.
And me being stupid enough to trust you!
Sharon... I'm nobody's rebound.
No! You're joking? Yeah. And you see Phil, he's going to have to give me back all them wages he took off me.
Of all the people to take it... Cindy?
That's what I'm saying. Abi and Jay are going to go mad.
Do you know what, though, I'm going to take you somewhere nice, somewhere really nice.
Look, just as friends.
Peter ain't said anything about me and him, has he?
Like why, maybe?
You all right?
Go on, Johnny.
Here we go. Here we go.
Mate, that is minging. You couldn't score in a girls' netball team.
I could. Drink. Drink. I bet you have, though, ain't you?
I've scored in a girls' netball team. Twice. Go on, girl!
I think I'm going to... Go on, son!
He's got you right where he wants you, hasn't he, eh?
How stupid am I?
After all these years, I still trust you.
I still think you're going to put me first.
He is going to destroy you, Roxy.
Yeah, if I let him.
You know, you were like this with me and Sean.
Sean. Another one of your great decisions.
I loved him! I loved him and you couldn't handle it.
What are you talking about? He nearly killed you!
You ruined me and Sean, you ruined me and Alfie.
Alfie? That was me as well, was it?
Cos you're jealous.
You're jealous cos I've got a man and you haven't.
You know what, Ron, you should keep that ring.
Roxy... Yeah. Cos you know something? You and Dad.
You're just the same.
I'm going to check he's all right. Leave it.
I told you what would happen.
Just let him get some air.
I've got rum. You've got rum? Yeah. I'll have some rum.
If I'd have known you wanted some action...
Let me guess what you're doing.
You're taking Roxy to Ibiza.
You surprised? You know how she leaves things lying around.
It's not hard to check her bag.
Check her phone, check her e-mail.
Don't go packing a toothbrush, yeah?
Cos let me promise you one thing, Ronnie.
She won't be getting on that plane.
Was you serious?
The good-looking barman thing.
Yeah. I was serious.
To bring in the new year.
Oh! I get champagne? You get EVERYTHING.
Tomorrow. I've booked it. Champagne in the suite. Restaurant booked.
Shoe shops open again on Thursday - I checked.
So, it's a date? Oui?
Oui? My French is a bit rusty! ROXY CHUCKLES
How about this one? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Oh, I know what that means!
Hi, Roxy, it's me. Look I'm really sorry about before, but...
can you call me back? I really need you today.
Your boat reminds me. Must keep Lady Di on a leash tonight,
cos of the fireworks. Ha, ha, ha! Funny!
What you growling at her for? Girl's World, I ain't.
Phil's welcome to it. Well, Tina said you were serious about him once.
Yeah, I was when he had the pub.
Phil's looks improve with free drinks attached.
It does do New Year round here, don't it?
Yeah! Walford loves a good party.
CAR HORN BEEPS
How long you going to sulk for, eh?
2014? '15? '16?
Oh, really think you're special, don't you? Well, I have my moments.
You think I'll be grateful?
For some bald, clapped-out pain in the backside...
I know, I know, I know, recovering alcoholic. Dodgy ticker. But, er,
above average in bed.
Come on, Sharon. Pack, yeah?
Move in. I'll pick you and Denny up in an hour.
So you just click your fingers and I fall at your feet? Well, what d'you want?
Dating? Wooing? Like you'd know how!
You had a better offer? Or are you going to spend New Year's Eve home alone?
Erm, I was just wondering when you're going.
I seen the teddy and I thought it must be... Yeah. It's for James.
It's for James.
Oh. It's nice. I seen you with it outside earlier.
So? I just assumed you must be going to the grave.
Well, I'm not going. Well, why? What's made you change your mind?
And I've a night off from being sensible.
Denny's staying with a mate.
A mate? Uh-huh. How lovely, he's got a friend!
So, he's settling down now, is he?
Yeah. Yeah, he's fine.
Not getting on with your electric cig, then?
No, I'm sorry, it don't work.
Have you still got the receipt for it?
Cos you'll have to take it back. Look, I'll show you. Give it here.
Oh! You don't light it, Dot! Why not?
I mean, you said to use it like a normal cigarette!
What else do I do with it? What're you laughing at, Sharon?
DOT TUTS You are a naughty girl!
Look, isn't there a party or something you should be going to?
It is New Year's Eve.
You were on your own that night, weren't you?
That New Year's Eve?
I really don't want to discuss that with you.
It must have been so hard? Lola, I think you should go.
I was thinking, maybe we could go down to the flower stall.
Maybe get a little white bunch of flowers made up?
It's just, if me and Lexi are coming,
we'd like to bring a little something....
If we're quick, we can still catch the flower stall.
So, I can smoke this in the Vic, can I?
I don't have to go outside, catch me death?
Technology, Dot. It's moved on. Oh!
If you turn your back for a minute, they computerise everything.
Sometimes I daren't sit still in case they computerise me!
You are irreplaceable, Dot. Really.
Yeah, but not everything's irreplaceable, is it, Sharon?
I mean, feelings.
There ain't no electronic gadget in place of them.
What you going to do about him?
I don't know. I think he had his chance years ago.
He don't deserve a second one.
I know what it's like to live with someone whose heart ain't in it.
He's not like your Dennis.
Maybe I'll never have that again.
Oh, I hate New Year, Dot. Brings it all back.
I miss him such a lot. He was a lovely friend to me.
But there are some men out there like him.
Just be careful, eh, Sharon?
Can we only have a couple in the Vic, then move on? I'm NOT watching him mope over Lola all night.
You know what boys are like. Couple of drinks in 'em, they'll be snogging someone else's face off.
Apparently, it's a New Year's superstition -
on the first day you've got to bring a piece of coal into the house.
Way I'm feeling I could eat a bag of coal right now. Yeah?
And a saveloy. What we need is luck with this one.
No worries, sweetheart. We make our own luck, don't we?
I've been thinking about him today - James.
Ronnie? Shall we go?
This ain't a party. This place needs music.
This place needs a Ouija board. Don't worry, it'll liven up.
Beautiful. One on there. Ugh! Get a room.
Get a man! You getting changed?
Are you? Johnny?
Ain't told me why you had it on your toes last night before last orders.
I was tired. You lightweight! Stay till the midnight bell tonight.
The ladies of Walford expect.
They got me! Not feeling ill are you, sausage?
Maybe I should run you a bath. Bit old to be Mummy's boy, ain't he?
Childcare tips from you? I think Johnny pulled.
Face. Guilt. Who was it?
Premier League, my son, Premier League.
Don't say nothing to her.
Listen...thanks for today. It really meant a lot.
Yeah? I hope you're going to be OK.
Come on, then. Say, "Bye!" Bye.
You working here now? Ah, yeah.
Kim pulled a bloke in a kebab queue last week. Oh, romantic!
Oh, no, she's in love. She flew off to Magaluf with him,
leaving me with a begging note to cover her shifts for her.
Lucky you! Ian not wining and dining you, then?
What? And give up a night raking in a 30% mark up?
I don't think so! You ain't on a date, then?
Long story. Fancy telling it over a drink?
Yeah, go on. Come on.
Mrs B, I know you don't drink, but maybe just the one?
No, I've had bubbles up my nose all afternoon.
Come on, just one? Oh, all right, I'll have fizzy water,
and you can put a drop of elderflower cordial in it.
Put it in a wine glass, stick a cherry in it,
and it'll look festive. OK.
Come on, Dot, come and join us.
Trying to get me drunk? Maybe.
Pouring away my profits? Sucker for beautiful women, ain't we, son?
Oh, in my experience....
Mrs Branning? Sherry, ain't it?
Oh, I never touch alcohol, except for medicinal purposes.
"Be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess..."
Only I felt we got off on the wrong foot earlier.
Well, paw, to be exact.
Well, the royal family ain't to be laughed at.
I'm a royalist!
You don't sound like it! I mean, they ain't even pretty dogs.
Bulldogs? They're beautiful dogs. Kind, gentle, they love kids.
And I loved her. July 1st. Princess Di's birthday. And mine.
Proper lady she was.
It's only a computer.
So, I'm thinking a couple in here and then we kick out, yeah?
We've just got here. Yeah, I know. But we're on a timetable.
Yeah. A Lola timetable. And you know it's bros before...
Well, the mandem are going to be rolling with you tonight
and the girls are going to have a drink together.
Poppy would have gone with them, but her wisdom tooth's flared up..
And Lola's on her way here now to meet the girls, so...
So we need to stay.
Stay in? Watch Abi and Jay play happy families,
babysitting every toddler in the Square?
Can't I just spend New Year's with you? We'll make up, yeah?
Max! New Year's Eve? Shouldn't you be marrying someone about now?
Yes, handsome? Yes, please. Orange juice.
Two orange juices. Sherry for Dot.
And a pint of cyanide for that one, please.
Made your New Year resolutions yet? Yeah, I have, as it goes.
Stay single. Cuts down on the in-laws.
That's nice. That? Present.
From a boyfriend? You ask so many questions.
More champagne? Is that a better question?
No, actually, cos I've got to go home. But, er, thank you.
But there's going to be kisses at midnight... See you later.
She seems nice. Yeah.
Yeah, she is. Deserves someone decent.
Which my son is. But then, he had a decent family.
Same again, please, treacle. You know what I like.
Johnny. A word, upstairs.
Drinking alone? No. With my daughter. Cheers.
Why not with me? For old times' sake? I ain't doing anything with you. For no sake.
You all right?
Yeah, yeah, just... I'm happy it's picked up.
Smoking's illegal. She's done time, you know.
Confiscate that, thank you. Filthy habit.
Oh, I thought it was me robot!
It was your fault I was in court last time.
Last? What, do you get nicked a lot?
Once. Drugs. Wacky baccy wasn't it, Dot?
Oh, Billy, how could you? That was just a misunderstanding!
Just... Just try and stay legal.
I saw you last night.
I'm not blind and I'm not stupid. And I don't care who you snog!
Look, I don't know what you think you saw... Secrets - they don't work.
Not in this family. And Whitney, she's a decent girl.
Don't go dragging her into your lies. Ain't lying.
Why don't you just tell them that you prefer boys?
I don't! Johnny, it will be OK.
Johnny? What's wrong?
What's going on? I'm OK, Mum.
Linda, Johnny. We've got a party to run.
Mick, there's... Whatever it is, I can't deal with it.
How am I going to tell Linda that tomorrow, our little girl
is getting married to a man we hate?
Ronnie, look, I'm sorry about James. I really am.
I didn't get your message in time. Roxy, wait.
Look, Carl is dangerous!
Ronnie, I love you.
OK? But please, please, let me take this chance.
Let me take this chance to be happy.
What about us? What about our holiday in Ibiza?
Just stop it! Just stop controlling me!
Ron, look, I need a break from my life.
I need a break from us.
# Is this the way to Amarillo?
# Every night, I'm hugging my pillow... #
Look at her. Making a fool of herself.
# And sweet Marie who waits for me... #
Gorgeous, ain't he, my man? Still gives me fireworks.
Yeah, well, keep hold of him, darling, cos all the men round here are like a damp squib.
Present company excepted, yeah?
Aw, she is gorgeous. Why do women like that date nutters?
That Carl comes in here, you tell me, yeah?
Why have him when she could have me?
# Sha-la-la, la-la, la, la, la... #
You reprobate, Dot!
That's it. I've had enough. What?
All innocent, but underneath it's all Oceans Elevenses, ain't it?
I know your sort. Sort? I've never been so insulted!
Give me that back - it's me electronic.
No, it's a real one. You should stop smoking. It's a filthy habit. Go on. Out.
Out? You whippersnapper!
I've been coming here since before you was born...
You're drunk. I am not drunk! You're legless.
Listen, take her home. Take her home, bless her. Take her home.
We'll go back to hers - she's got some sherry.
You will not have one drop of my sherry, Mo Slater.
Come on, the pair of you. Come on, girls.
Hey. You got a minute?
You're not drunk as well, are you?
Tipsy. You know how I like to spend my New Year...
Well, we've got a bar full of punters
and I can barely raise a smile after last night's drinking. Aw!
Well, I'm going to put my Christmas present on...
Wonder what's happening over at the Vic.
It'll be quiet.
Dot'll have her sweet sherry, ask for her war tunes.
You can go if you want. What you talking about? Shut up! Leave you?
Nah, this is, like, the calm isn't it, before the crying,
and the broken nights, and the screaming,
and the demands for a bottle...
It's going to be months before this one's here!
I was actually talking about Mo!
You think it'll fit? I meant to do the 5:2...
Oh, yeah, it'll fit, baby.
And what do I get?
Ian promising me he's going to spend one more minute with me.
And you? You get him?
Know what your New Year's resolution should be?
To tell him to go and take a hike.
Into his man cave!
Max! See? He is terrible, you know.
Listen, Pete, what you saying? Shall we just leave, then?
I'm thinking I've made the biggest mistake of my life.
Phil. You've got to help me get Carl away from Roxy.
Why do I have to fight her battles?
I sold this gaff to spite her last boyfriend -
I ain't getting involved in this one.
She's got a problem, you sort it out.
Heard your family bought this place. Put them back.
Oh, Shirley. I hate it when we argue.
What one is he?
CARL: I've bought some champagne. Mick!
Happy New Year.
No, no, no, sorry.
Have some class.
Got a light? Yeah.
Here you go. You ain't welcome here.
Says who? Me.
This your backing band?
This is my family.
And what you did to my family, my sister, makes me angry.
So you're going to leave. I don't take orders, big man.
You do now.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Try. Please. Mick...
See you tomorrow. Sweet.
Right. Come on then, Walford. Let's have it!
One final offer.
Thinks he's some sort of gangster. He's a cardboard cut out.
Bless him. He's only little. He won't bother you now I'm here.
I'm sorry I weren't here last time.
You've had no-one, you've had no family.
Not since Hev, no. She would've been on that karaoke all night!
You're missing the party.
Did you ever play her our karaoke song? I made her do the dance.
Has this lot ever heard it? No.
You ask. What is our aim?
It is to make Shirley Carter smile. No, Mick, no.
We will fight this war... No, I ain't going to do it!
..with karaoke. No, I don't want to do it!
What do you want? I'm, er, wooing you. As ordered.
I'll get my own, then.
Ah! Masood! You'll have a drink with me, won't you?
Oh, no, I was just popping in to buy Carol a bottle of champagne...
Linda, a couple of glasses of your finest fizz, please.
I don't drink. I'll drink yours. Er, OK.
Lola. Lola, wait. What, Peter?
Go and celebrate with your mates! How can I celebrate without you?
Well, that was your choice, weren't it? Yeah, it was a stupid choice.
Please just let me explain.
What is it? I'm good enough for you now - is that it?
I know I don't deserve you to forgive me. No, you don't.
Please, if you just give me a minute?
Let me explain why I HAD to do it? Please?
Mick, I don't want to do it. Don't embarrass me!
Ladies and gentlemen, live at the Vic,
I give you Miss Shirley Carter! Go on, girl, get up there!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh,
# Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh... #
Go on, Shirl, that's it, girl!
# Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh... #
I love this one!
# In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight
# In the jungle, the mighty jungle... # Beautiful!
# The lion sleeps tonight... #
What is this? Bruv, no idea, but I'm not involved.
Go on, Shirl, that's it, girl!
Right, well, have fun...
Ain't you going to buy me a drink back? Er... Yes!
Phil. You seen Carl? No.
# In the village, the peaceful village, the lion sleeps tonight
MICK JOINS IN # In the village, the peaceful village, the lion sleeps... #
Yo, yo, does that look like a "Happy New Year's Eve,
"I just want to be friends" type of kiss right there, bro?
To stay away from my sister.
It's not enough, Ronnie.
It's not enough.
# Don't fear, my darling, the lion sleeps tonight... #
I'm 45 next month.
A very attractive woman. Ian's a very lucky man.
Denise? What's wrong?
# In the village, the peaceful village
# The lion sleeps tonight... #
You want to be with her? Be with her.
I don't. You can't take your eyes off her.
It's three people singing about a lion, innit?
No. No, this is you showing your true colours.
I spent my life watching my dad go from woman to woman.
I'm not going from woman to woman. Me and Shirley, we've been over years!
Sharon, 20 years I've wanted to be with you, ever since that first day that I kissed you.
I want to wake up with you in the morning. I want to wake up with you every morning.
Why else would I ask you to move in, hey?
How do I know you're telling the truth?
Because if I didn't love you...
I wouldn't do this.
# Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh... #
You think you're something special, Ronnie? Do you?
You think you're something special?
Let me tell you something. You, you are damaged goods, Veronica!
THEY STRUGGLE AND SHOUT
2013, you have 60 seconds left!
Sharon, start the New Year with me? Please?
Come back to my place? Please?
Yeah. Let's go.
Ain't fair, look. Everyone's copping off except me.
We going to bed or what? I thought you was...?
You told her yet? I couldn't.
LINDA: A toast.
Oh! To Lee. To all our boys fighting overseas.
And, most importantly, to the Vic!
Ten! ALL: Nine...eight...
To us. Six...five...four...
To us. Three...two...one!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Let's have it!
Well, look at us, Ronnie.
We're going to have our own little New Year's Eve together.
Just you and me.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HE SHOUTS How many eggs, Tine?
HE CLATTERS POTS AND TURNS ON RADIO
Turn it off!
Turn it down!
Finally, my two best birds are agreeing.
HE SHOUTS Tina?
It's Nancy's wedding.
Look, I'm sorry.
It's OK. About the other day...
I mean, I tried to find you last night, but...
this fight kicked off in the club...
It's all right. I had to pick Amy up, anyway.
Carl wants us to get sorted for Paris.
Ron, he's a really decent bloke if you get to know him.
I'll do that, then.
Yeah? You seen Carl?
Oh, no. No, sorry.
That's the wrong fella. That was Alfie.
Sorry, that was yesterday. I'm sorry.
I am just saying, if we are going to make this work,
we have got to be realistic, honest...
And I'M just saying, if you're going to move in,
I'm carrying you over the threshold. That's the deal.
Back off, caveman! THEY GIGGLE
We have no secrets. Is that what he said?
That is the deal. That has always been our deal.
What has changed here? For a woman with an 'angover,
you are shouting double loud...
I'll tell you, her! It is her!
My daughter is getting married,
and you told your sister and not your own wife?
Have a look at yourself, Mick! Linda!
I said this weren't going to work.
(MIMICKING) I said this weren't going to work!
I never hid anything from you.
I never have, ever, and you know that, L.
I left the invite downstairs. For all of us.
Past me the post please, boy.
Here you are.
I didn't want to ram it down your throat.
We was busy.
It's New Year. I just wanted to start out nice.
Well, you don't want to go, do you?
No. I do.
Well, I don't, on my tod. That Wayne, he's...
What is it with this Wayne, exactly? Has he got three heads, or something?
Let's put it this way, Shirl, the geezer loves a mirror.
He don't ever get out the bathroom.
You are really going to go, ain't you?
It's her wedding, Mum. It's her...
You two never even missed a sports day.
You still pick us up off the bus if it's raining.
It's Nancy's wedding, Dad.
And she ain't going to let that drop.
She will most probably go and get herself knocked up straight off,
just to prove she ain't bothered.
I'll have an egg.
Well, I can do honest.
Cos I hate this rug,
Denny's curtains smell of Shirley, and the kitchen needs a dishwasher.
There's a sale on the industrial estate.
Ooh, excellent(!) I'll get my credit card, shall I?
Admittedly, it's my first day,
but I can see myself really getting into my new blender.
I was never a one for cooked breakfasts.
Greasy sausages full of pigs' lips.
And if I want an egg, like the health book says,
I can have it raw in my protein drink before my smoothie.
Course, it coats your throat with slime,
but after you've finished gagging, it don't taste too bad.
You want to think about a power walk.
Excuse me, I'm trying to do my shopping and I do not need...
Let me tell you something, have you seen Carl?
So, um, how did Ian take it?
Look, have you seen Carl, or not?
Look, it's not my fault you keep losing your boyfriend.
We're solid, actually.
What, is he picking fights and letting the phone ring out?
He's moved on, darling.
Oi, oi, oi, why are you here anyway?
I don't mean in Walford, I mean in the world.
I want to go home.
Let's just pack the whole lot in, because I've absolutely had it.
Don't be so stupid.
I'm not. We have given our daughter everything.
EVERYTHING! And it still ain't good enough.
Cos what do we get back?
Little missy hissy fits.
That's not true. D'you know how long it took me
to clear out Nancy's bedroom at the old place?
Lugging it all over here on the off chance.
You know I wanted to skip it.
If it was down to me, I'd have binned the lot.
Are you ready?
SHIRLEY: I'm coming!
This is your home now, L.
I had dreams, Mick.
About what Nancy's wedding day would be like.
Bridesmaids dresses and choosing the flowers.
It's supposed to take months of planning.
I'm meant to be sat on the front row wearing a hat,
having a little cry and worrying about the buffet.
I can't wear these because it looks like I've wet myself.
Give them here, I'll dry them for you.
Nancy has invited you, Linda.
Only so she can throw a strop when I don't go.
Five minutes, and we're going.
How can I get ready when you keep shouting and hollering?
I wish I'd enjoyed it more when they were little.
At least when they were little, you chose who they played with.
You knew where they was.
Back then if Nancy kicked off, you could just throw her
over your shoulder and take her home.
Come here. Listen.
You are the best mum they could ever ask for, L.
I just wish that you'd just stop banging on and come with us.
Just sit at the back...
..and keep this buttoned.
You don't understand... I do, I do.
But me and you, we can sort anything together, can't we?
And if it's a hat you're after...
..you've come to the right place.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
Are you not staying for breakfast?
No, work. Oh, right.
Yeah, got it.
OK, make it quick.
Yeah, all right.
Shift over, boy.
Lady Di, in you get. Good girl.
Well, drive, then.
I am just going to sit at the back, Johnny.
And you're going to say nothing. I am not going to say anything.
That'd be a first!
Says do the North Circular.
Nancy is my daughter, Shirley. Just because I don't want to go
don't mean I won't be there for her.
Is it me, or is there a funny smell in this car?
It's you. It's definitely you.
SHE BREATHES HEAVILY
You and my sister...
you and my sister have got more in common than you might think.
Anyone - ANYONE - just as long as it's someone.
Why? Why do you always have to put stuff away?
What about your own family, Phil?
We're talking about my sister, your cousin.
She is stuck with the scum that tried to kill you,
you're more interested in dishwashers,
Sharon, somebody else's curtains...
All right, all right, all right!
You want two minutes, fine, you've got two minutes. Now, what?
ANSWERPHONE: 'Hello, this is Carl.
'Leave a message, I'll get back to you.'
Me and you are going to go shopping and eat cake and buy clothes,
cos Carl is rubbish at shopping, isn't he? Yes, he is.
Come on, let's go and get our coats...
Yeah? And our bags.
Seriously, Ronnie? Seriously? I mean, are you for real or what, eh?
OK. I get the message.
WE get the message.
Sitting in your car like a pair of lemons.
Shirley said we looked like a right pair of lemons.
If you don't want a dishwasher, all you've got to do is say...
Sharon, there is nothing I would like more than a dishwasher right now.
It's just...just a bit sensitive.
Wow! Mum said you were loaded.
Just get him some curtains, yeah? What, on my own?
Why do you need to find a credit card?
Look, I'm sorry, all right? He's just looking out for me.
It's a bad time of year for me.
Look, I've told you it is rude to talk about money.
Phil sold the pub. This is for the bank.
Don't he know how to go online?
That's enough, cheeky!
And I'll be right there for the dishwasher, OK?
Thanks. All right?
Come on, then, let's go.
You idiot, you stupid idiot!
I know! What, are you and my dad
the only ones that are allowed to see red?
Carl needed a lesson.
Oh, right, so, you hit him? Yes. I hit him.
SHIRLEY: Mick, will you tell her?
If this dog wees on me, I'm going to kick it.
LINDA: You kick my dog, I'll smack your face! MICK: Right!
Now turn it in, the pair of you.
My head is ringing.
Oh, come on!
Us lot. All together.
Just like the old days.
Don't tell me you ain't missed it, girls.
This is an emotional time for a father.
I need you both on-side
while I go and watch my daughter marry a wretch.
We're cutting it fine now. All right, all right!
I tell you what...
you both don't shake hands and shut up,
you're not getting back in this motor.
SHE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
HE STARTS ENGINE
Stop pratting about!
You know I can't walk in these shoes!
He's got my bag. Mick!
Mick, I'm shaking its hand!
I am shaking her rotten hand.
Why, eh? Why involve me?
You're already involved!
I had to put him somewhere, didn't I?
Don't worry. Nobody noticed, all right?
It's just another bloke falling over on New Year's Eve.
I want normal, Ronnie. I'm doing normal!
No, you're not. You've lost your balls, Phil!
He tried to kill you, don't you remember?
How many times have I told you,
he actually tried to attack me last night.
He is pulling Roxy's strings
like she's some kind of puppet, he's given her drugs.
He is an absolute head-case, all right,
and he is taking us for mugs.
You're just sat back, admiring your Christmas slippers,
and that's not right. Phil!
I came to you because I knew
you'd know what to do.
So, what now?
You know there's only one way this can go now, don't you?
Then, you took my hand.
You don't really want me to go over
everything about last night, do you? Just, what did I say?
You said you loved me, Denise.
And that if you had your time again, you would definitely go for me.
SHE STIFLES A LAUGH
Or Archie, because he was "a bit of a beast."
Or the bin man with the beanie hat.
And then, you spent ten minutes
trying to do the zip up on your jacket
and then we had rather a long conversation
about why they don't put Auld Lang Syne on the jukebox...
Yes. OK, OK. Not, you know, everything, just...
..what did I say about Ian, Masood?
I don't know.
Got any sense, and right now
Johnny'll be snogging a bridesmaid.
You know what they say about Cinderella doing all the work?
You have met my ugly sister?
You want me to tell Johnny you're after him?
No, it's not important.
Hello. All right.
and a lesbian. Sorry.
Yeah, but me and you, we... I know, I know.
Three bottles of Cava and I can't tell my Mandys from my Andys.
Look, I take these and my skin's going to crawl for weeks.
The only thing that don't make me itch is a sunflower.
And that's just not something you're going to lay your hands on, is it?
Maybe it's a sign.
Maybe you should give your carnations to somebody who
ain't going to come out in a rash.
Well, you said...
lights out and a paper bag over his, you know...
beeping head, and even then, you don't really fancy him.
And if Ian asks you, what he wants for Christmas is...a beep,
and you will take his beeping beep and cut it off.
Because it's not honest, you said.
You would way, way rather be single.
And I said I understand,
and you said, "Right then, it's New Years Eve,"
..you were going to finish with Ian. Once and for all.
Fresh start. You were going to take control of your life.
I said that?
Mmm. And then you cried and had a kebab.
Finish with Ian, Masood.
As if I'm going to...go and do that.
I don't even like kebabs, Masood.
we don't have to talk about this again.
Phil! What? What, eh?
What are you suggesting?
I mean, you drag me into this
and now you don't like the way I'm dealing with it, hey?
Look at him. Look at him, Ronnie!
The scrap yard?
He attacked a woman. He attacked you, didn't he?
He messed with my cousin's head.
You tried to muscle in on my business, didn't ya, eh?
Do you know what?
If could be bothered, I'd untie your hands and let you have a fair fight.
But when, Carl, eh?
When did you ever let anyone have a fair fight, eh?
Now this has been a long time coming.
A long time coming.
You put me in hospital, eh?
You threatened my boy.
You threatened my boy while he's banged up.
Phil, Phil, Phil, stop it!
What are you going to do? You're going to get blood on the floor!
Get a grip, Phil! He's pathetic.
You're pathetic! Do you know that?
You got low self-esteem, have you, Carl?
You got a screwed up attitude when it comes to women?
Have you got issues with your mummy, Carl?
What is it with you men?
What is it with you men? You're all the same.
You are so desperate, you're so desperate to rule the world.
You've got all that aggression.
God, you're so predictable.
What do you think, Carl?
Do you want the scrap yard?
No, I don't think so.
I don't think so. I think that would be a waste of a perfectly good car.
I think you're going to say you're sorry.
And then I'm going to untie your hands
and I'm going to walk you to the tube.
Do me a favour!
And if you ever...
if you ever come back to Walford again...
Are you listening to me, Carl? Listen very carefully.
If you ever come near me or my sister again, I swear to you,
I won't need him.
I will cut off your little boys' toys with a blunt knife
and I'll wear them as earrings.
Go on, then, say it.
Go on, say it!
LOUD MUSIC IN DISTANCE
Oh, no, this can't be it! It's disgusting!
Oh, it's vile.
SHIRLEY: Don't know what you're moaning about.
Looks like the place where me and Kev had our reception.
LINDA SCOFFS Linda!
It's doing that thing with its leg!
I ain't saying nothing. I said I wouldn't say anything.
I'm not saying one thing. Leave Lady Di in the haddock.
It's doing that thing with its leg again...
Well, then, she must need a pony.
Just make sure you pick it all up.
And don't get any under your fingernails,
cos it's a killer to get out. What?
And don't double lock this, she'll set the alarm off.
What am I supposed to do with a bag of pony? Hurry up!
I dunno. You got her a wedding present yet, or..?
You heard him, hurry up!
LOUD MUSIC AND CHEERING INSIDE
Right. Are you ready for this?
THEY WHOOP AND SHOUT LOUD DRUM AND BASS MUSIC
Again, if I could ask for quiet.
Thank you. Nancy?
I know not of any lawful impediment.
I know not of any lawful impediment.
Why I, Nancy Carter.
Why, I Nancy Carter.
May not be joined in matrimony to Wayne Ladlow.
May not be joined in matrimony to Wayne Ladlow.
And now, Wayne...
I do solemnly declare.
I do solemnly declare.
That I know not of any lawful impediment.
That I know not of any lawful impediment.
Why I, Wayne Ladlow.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, yeah.
Why I, Wayne Ladlow, you don'know.
May not be joined in matrimony to Nancy Carter.
May not be joined in matrimony to Nancy.
No offence, Wayne.
It's just, you know, it's your attitude.
What are you talking about, bruv? What are you doing?
Dad get off me! Get off of me!
Put me down!
Put me down!
Now, listen, Mummy's going to be back in one second.
You go up the stairs and you don't move, OK?
Ask no questions and I will tell you no lies.
SHE LAUGHS See?
I've got connections, Tina.
And a very open mind, know what I mean?
I'm still a lesbian, Billy.
Bi now, gay later ain't my bag.
The only way you and me is going to get it on again is if
I'm so hammered I'm falling over.
Don't suppose you fancy a glass of wine, do you? My shout.
He won't go. He's going.
You played me, didn't you?
Come on, Phil, I didn't play you.
At least we know you're not a complete eunuch.
It's good to know, isn't it, at your age?
He won't go.
He's already gone.
Listen. What do you want to do?
Do you want to wave goodbye to him?
Look, I'm going to go and take care of Roxy
and it's about time Amy got some attention.
Look, he's gone. Really.
Oh, look, I know I might have overdone
the whole good cop, bad cop routine, all right,
but he's got the message.
Carl White knows if he ever steps foot back in Walford again,
he is a dead man walking.
He ain't got the bottle.
Don't ever compare me to the Old Bill again.
Not even as a joke.
All right. The lengths some blokes will go
to get out of buying a dishwasher.
NANCY: You don't tell me what to do!
Do you miss it?
Yeah, right like an hole in the head!
Told you didn't I, Linda? Tina could cope.
The place ain't burned to the ground, Shirley.
In the normal world, that is not something we celebrate.
Yes. I seen it. Ain't it lovely?
When's the next train? Upstairs.
Where's the husband, Nance?
Ain't you heard of bin bags?
Oh, yeah, happy new year, Linda(!) Not a problem(!)
I am not disabled, I can walk up the stairs by myself!
I am only in here, Shirley, to get warm,
cos my electric fire's conked out.
Shut your ears. That Linda is one well moody mare.
I'm going for a kip.
I should get those bin bags and shove them right...
Stuck here, I never even got an invite.
Oh, my head! No, you were on the invitation.
Where is the new husband?
Not good enough, apparently.
No, really. Just as long as it's available.
Listen, anything is absolutely fine just as long as it drives
and you can get it to the airport for me this evening.
No, a little run-around is absolutely fine.
Listen, can you make sure it's got a booster seat in it?
No, that's great.
Yep, hold on a second.
Do you, erm...
do you want the long card number?
Yep, it... DOOR CREAKS
Sorry, it's, erm...
And the expiry date is 10/18.
BRANCH SNAPS UNDERFOOT OUTSIDE
Yes. The security code is 065.
Yeah, OK, that's great. Thank you.
Hold on. I'm coming.
POLICE SIREN BLARES OUTSIDE
You scared me!
What are you doing at the front door?
Did you walk here on your own?
Come in, sweetie.
Come on, then.
We'll go in and we'll get you a drink, shall we?
And a biscuit, then we'll call Mummy.
Do you know where Mummy is?
She's a bit tied up at the minute.
I am not bothered if you don't like him.
I'm not bothered what you think. It is my life. And I like Watford.
You see why I didn't want to go? She hates us! She don't hate us.
You was married at my age, Mother.
Yes. But to your dad. Not some...
No, Mick. Did you see him?
Pulling faces at his mates on his own wedding day?
And her getting married in a tracksuit? He is a bad influence.
It's white, ain't it? And where was his mum?
I mean, I know they do things different,
but how could he have a wedding without his mother there?
What is your future, you get yourself stuck
with a ponce like that?
You do know there are laws to stop people like you?
I forgot my passport.
What do you mean, Roxy's tied up? Then I thought of Phil...
Where is she, Carl? I thought maybe I could lend that motor off him.
The one he was going to scrap.
Yeah, well that's for you and him to sort out, isn't it, eh?
Come on, sweetie, let's go and find Mummy.
Women are all right.
But men are tougher.
Amy, I want you to go and wait for me in the living room, OK? Go on.
And in this case...
Didn't your daddy ever tell you?
You think you can catch me unawares?
Warn me off with your stupid speech, and that would be it?
Are you serious?
You should try being a real woman, Ronnie.
A real woman, instead of fighting it.
But for that, you need a real man,
to let you know where you're going wrong.
Yeah, it's tempting.
You tell Phil we're squared up.
Where's Roxy? Tell him I forgive him.
LINDA: Oh, that's hurtful, that is!
It's not racist to be proud to be British.
That is just hurtful. Some of his best mates are black!
Most of my mates... My best mate ain't ever going to talk to me now!
We eat Indian, don't we?
It is not the colour of his skin I am bothered about, babe.
It's the way he is with you.
And Chanelle, she can come over here whenever she wants.
You can go and see her.
You haven't got to marry her brother to be allowed back past Bushey.
That is not why I was marrying her brother.
And when you get married, your mum, she wants to be there,
on the front row, crying tears of happiness.
Not having a panic attack.
I weren't having a panic attack.
She was having a bit of a panic attack.
Thank you, Mick. And I want to be there, right up the front,
giving my little girl away to the love of her life.
Not watching her get hitched to some builder from Watford
who thinks he's a bit of a gangster
and whose mother still makes his bed.
She does not make his bed.
She airs it.
Ooh! She airs it! She airs it!
We need you here, Nance.
Christmas was terrible.
Mainly because your mum cremated the turkey.
We have got everything riding on this, Nancy.
Still got some Christmas presents that are waiting to be opened.
No. Don't humour her, Mick.
You stay here, it's cos you want to stick by your family.
You pull your weight. You step up.
You leave Wayne. D'you want to save your breath?
I ain't going back there now anyway, am I?
He's chucked me over his shoulder and pulled my trousers down.
Half of Hertfordshire has seen my West Ham pants.
You following me, Ronnie?
Where's my sister?
Does that mean you...you want me?
I'm taking this back.
No. No, you ain't.
Yes. Yes, I am.
You don't tell me anything.
You don't decide anything.
When are you going to get that through your head, eh?
Ah, so here we are!
Our very own barrel store!
Where's your happy face?
I left it at my wedding, Dad.
See, little bit of give and take goes a long way.
Yeah, we give, Mum takes. Nancy!
Am I lying, though?
I bet she's had Johnny down here polishing the bottles, ain't she?
That's one of Tina's jobs.
Ever since Sausage, he found a little spider knocking about.
There was murders, there was.
I've missed watching the footie with you.
And this is better than the last place, ain't it?
I bet WAYNE'S Mum ain't got barrels.
She don't have a go at me soon as I walk through the door, either.
Well, you don't really walk, do you? You strop.
I think we could be really happy here.
..she's really missed you an' all.
All she has ever done is criticise me, Dad.
Like, the minute we got in that car,
when I hadn't seen her for how long?
I constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her.
I can't do anything without her slating me. Do you know what?
The one good thing about having Christmas with strangers
is they ain't jumping down your throat every five seconds.
Oh, come on, Nance. You know what she's like.
She's hard work but she's got a good heart.
And if you don't want criticising,
why are you getting married in a tracksuit
to a complete div in the first place?
I mean, you've had a lucky escape. And I think you know that, girl.
No. I properly like Wayne.
Well, I properly like fishing.
Don't mean I'm going to move to Grimsby
and jack everything in, though, does it?
I mean, I get it.
I just feel sometimes you don't realise
how beautiful and special you are, and that boy Wayne...
He couldn't lace your trainers.
But it works both ways.
You want your mum to be more...
You haven't said one nice thing about her either.
You haven't asked her about herself...
Where's her Christmas present, eh? It's like...
I can't keep whacking you over my shoulder, Nance.
I'm going to do myself a serious injury.
If you feel Wayne is your future,
then you pick up that blower...
..and you get yourself over to Watford, all right?
It's not looking good.
Don't worry about it, sweetheart, OK?
Come on, the world is our lobster.
You are a doer, not a writer.
The dole office opens on Thursday. Hold it! Oh!
Ooh, I nearly had an idea then!
We need the money, and we're entitled to it, all right?
When we drop - please, God - that is all our regular income down the pan.
Well, that's it! You've already sussed it.
You go to work and I'll be a trendy stay-at-home dad.
You know, knit the nappies and... That's brilliant(!)
And when you finish meditating or whatever, the nanny can cover!
What postcode you living in?! We can't afford to have one of us not working.
I know, I know. It was just an idea in my head.
I'll just keep it in my head, all right?
Yeah. You keep it in that little head of yours.
Was that a light bulb moment, was it? Ahh! Very funny!
There's some bulbs in that blind stock that Nan got off of Fat Elvis.
In the spare room.
What, Mo got some blind stock of Fat Elvis? What? Yeah.
Oi, you, what you doing?
I won't be long.
Don't leave me sitting here in the dark.
No, I'm fine.
Do you hate me?
What? SHE LAUGHS
Wow! That's mental!
Yeah, tell him if he posts any pictures
of me in my West Ham pants, I'll kill him.
What? You kicked your car?
Did you proper dent it?
Because I want you to come...
Oi, oi! What's this? Speak to you later.
Room for a little 'un?
You planning your escape, Nance?
Cos I've heard your Wayne is well fit.
You know your wedding has gone viral?
You stopped shouting yet? You perforated my eardrum in that car.
You got another one, ain't you?
I am leaving, yeah.
Aw! I don't blame her.
Her mother gets on my nerves an' all.
It's not Mum, I just...
Aw! True love! That is well romantic.
Yeah, whatever. See you later. Bye.
Listen, you go where your heart tells you, yeah?
And don't you worry about your dad.
He'll be all right. I'll take care of him.
What? It's Nancy.
Who else would it be?
I've been coming in here more years than I can count.
I've said to Mick - we're doing the place up -
we need to make a smokers' corner outside,
get some of them big heaters. And have you done it?
Forgive us our trespasses and all that, Mrs Branning.
That's about when you've hacked someone off.
You know. In the Bible?
A man of my willpower needs to be tested.
Yeah, it is the what, exactly.
A new year's resolution has to be a challenge, Mas,
but how can you suss out what to change
when you're this close to perfection?
HE TIPS OVER BOWL
..why don't you go and wash your hands for me
in the bathroom, OK? Go on.
Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry.
Did Mummy fall asleep?
Did I fall asleep? Oh, come here.
Shall we put the heating on? Yeah?
Tina said you were leaving.
Is this seriously all they've got? This place is a joke.
You don't have to leave, do you?
Well, I am.
Look, Dad'll get used to it.
obviously, she'll kick off, but I think she'll be glad. I won't.
I'm too much, Johnny.
I just ruin everything.
You're such a drama queen, ain't ya?
Don't have to be all or nothing, does it?
What do you mean?
Just don't be so upfront about it.
Right look, Wayne rocks up,
just stay for a bit,
keep it private. You tell Mum and Dad
every little detail about your life, they're bound to have an opinion.
Oh, what, like you?
Yours was the first room Mum unpacked.
Caught her up there Boxing Day night, making your bed.
There was cases everywhere,
Shirley was kicking off
cos she had to share with Tina, and Mum said...
she said, in her head, you'd always be her little girl...
As long as she had breath left in her body,
you'd always have a home.
be a good Muslim, find a good woman,
learn to cook, learn to budget,
learn to get out of bed,
learn French, wash up...
Yeah, French could be a challenge.
Alfie, I can't just decide these things, OK?
I've got to consider, like, protocol and paperwork,
and the fact I've still got my slippers on.
Yes, well, the sooner we get this done, the sooner you can get home
and put on your matching onesie. Write this down. Name.
Alfie Moon. Lovely. Age.
I dunno. 55?
Shut up! What you talking about?
Look at me! What?!
I dunno. 40? 35?
12? I don't know!
I do the questions, you do the answers.
35. Let's stick to 35. That's good. 35.
OK, how did I know about the empty pitch?
I don't know. Because I'd seen that there was an empty pitch.
Tam, you need to work with me here, OK, darling, all right?
If there's a pitch going, I'm interested.
You would be brilliant, sweetheart.
Yeah, I can just see you out there, you would be great.
Trust me, she cannot time-keep, she cannot add up,
she can't even remember if she's pregnant or not.
She's a bit... HE WHISTLES
I am impartial, Alfie. A council employee.
I can't be swayed by outside opinion.
I totally get it. Don't worry, I get it.
But, listen, you would be brilliant.
I can see you out there with Bianca, and my missus,
all having a right laugh, wouldn't you, eh?
Witches of Walford. They would eat you alive, OK?
Oh! Oh, you mean this pitch, on Bridge Street?
Know what I'm saying? HE WHISTLES
Yeah. Yeah. Oh.
OK. But this one,
in this particular circumstance,
it's about order of application,
and Alfie got there first.
Lovely, thank you.
But if you do actually have a genuine interest,
I can put your name on a waiting list. Lovely.
Just let me know in writing what you're going to be selling.
Yeah, not a problem. Thank you. Did he get the pitch?
Yes, I got the pitch, darling!
Oh, well, I've got loads of other options. Yep.
Ooh! What are you doing down here?
Looking for you.
Look, Nance, you know you... Merry Christmas, Mum.
Christmas was days ago.
If you hadn't been planning your secret wedding to that idiot,
you could have wrapped it... Oh, my God!
POLICE SIREN BLARES
Stop treating women like they're just there for your entertainment.
Find a way of getting on with your ex-wife.
Contact Mum and Dad more than once a year or when you want money.
Stop using those online sites and charging them to my card.
Go on hajj, AJ, find out what you actually want from life.
That's it. I want a new job and a company car.
She didn't love him.
She knows she never loved him.
Just leave her. You know how Nancy likes a good sulk.
By this time tomorrow, she'll have forgot all about vain Wayne
and she'll have found herself a nice kid who earns a right few quid
and wants to just take us on holiday.
Get in there.
CAR GLASS SMASHES
Cheers, Fat Elvis. Take care, mate. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
Oh, will you give it a rest? Come on, what you got?
You can mind your business, girl.
I bet it's dog food. It's either dog food or pilchards.
Kat, whatever it is, sweetheart, I'm going to be selling it.
And I'll make sure you get your cash back, all right?
This is going to be like -
I dunno - ice cream to the Eskimos. Yeah, well, one of us wants to.
I said to Bianca, "Was you off your nut when you ordered this lot,
"or did you just have your eyes shut?"
She has SERIOUSLY messed up here.
What idiot is going to give money for that tat?
Right, come on.
What we haven't packed,
we can always buy when we get out there, can't we?
You know I lied to you about Carl this morning, don't you?
Nothing, I'm just...
I'm just, I'm really pleased that you're coming with me.
I haven't seen him since last night. We fell out
and I think he's gone to Paris without me.
Another one bites the dust, eh?
Ron, look, I wasn't trying to hack you off or anything.
I just don't see what's wrong
with having a little bit of fun and...
I really wanted Alfie to love me.
Listen to me.
You've already got someone who loves you.
She is sitting in the back of that car and she is gorgeous
and little and she is worth giving up your life for.
I know. I know, you're right.
So, shut your fat face, then.
I'm not going to pay for us to sit by a private pool
in Cala Llonga while you start whinging.
You've got it on. That's Dad's ring.
I thought you were going to bin it. When did you put this on?
It's just a ring.
I think it suits me.
Send us a postcard.
Phil, I'll see you later.
Airport, please. E-mails are quicker, you know.
Depends when you're back, don't it?
I think you're going to have to put your foot down.
KIRSTY: 'Carl? Are you there?'
HE HANGS UP
All that big talk and he ain't even showed up.
Do you know what he's selling? I need to add it to his paperwork.
I've got no idea. He went to one of them blind stock auctions.
Probably ended up with a right load of rubbish.
Now, I know you hate traipsing round the shops,
but I really need a new pair of boots...
PHONE RINGS ..and Denny could do with some trainers. Who's that?
What does she want? She wants me to, er, check on something.
Try shifting them Braeburns today. Mark 'em down if you have to.
And you've got a load of carrots under here.
Peter, are you listening to me?
Er, yeah, yeah, Braeburns.
Hey, everybody! Alfie Moon in da market!
It's a new year and it's a new beginning! Hello, sweetheart,
how does your old man let someone sexy like you out of the house?
Come on, what're you flogging? HE LAUGHS
What you flogging?
Listen, Kat, promise me,
don't get angry, cos I didn't know what I was buying, so just...
The same naff dresses that I am selling.
Nah... No, I wouldn't get a tattoo
of your face on my face for 500 quid.
Would you for a grand? No! Would you?
My question. You've got to think of your own.
Would you have sex with a serial killer for ten grand?
Oh, that would be a bit of a turn off, wouldn't it?
I've missed having you about, Auntie Tina.
Have you missed having me about as well?
Yeah, yeah, 'course.
All right, Phil?
Yeah. A little bird's just told me that Carl's moved on.
What, for good?
PHIL SNORTS Yeah.
Good start to the new year. Yeah.
I don't have to pick up Denny till later,
so we've got the whole day to ourselves.
Sorry, Shirley, is your inner demon possessing you again?
I'm just jealous.
You just forget I'm here, you two go ahead and plan your romantic day.
Bet you're looking forward to that, aren't you, Phil? Ignore her.
Actually, there's been a change of plan. Something I need to do.
SHIRLEY LAUGHS Again?
But you said we had the day, so...
We can go another day, all right?
Take yourself off to the sales or something, eh?
So, what is it all about, then? Just a bit of business, Sharon.
I don't want an "ask no questions" relationship, Phil.
I'll only be a couple of hours.
Here you are. Go on, my treat.
I can't get anything else. I spent all that capital on this, didn't I?
It's hard enough shifting stock as it is,
without you selling the same stuff.
Kat, I was going to tell you last night
I wanted to make a success of this
so you didn't have to work so hard. Know what I'm saying?
This is typical, ain't it?
OF COURSE you've got the same stock as me.
Why would I think you having a stall would run smoothly?
Don't be like that. This is fate bringing us together,
forming a partnership, giving us a nudge in the right direction.
Hear me out. Think Marks and Spencer.
Marks on one side, Spencer on the other...
Oh, look, we're selling the same stuff, why don't we get together?
Is this the stuff you're planning on selling?
Tam, Tam, hold on mate - this is quality gear, all right?
Yeah. Apart from it's exactly the same as Kat's stock,
and I can't have two stalls selling identical stock.
He bought it without knowing. OK, well, it's against regulations.
Come on, Tam, regulations and rules,
rules are made to be broken, blah, blah, blah.
Not on my market. So you're going to have to close it down.
Come on, Tam. Just turn a blind eye? Just for today, yeah?
He can't afford to buy more stock. I don't mind.
It's healthy competition. I don't...
Tam, if I don't shift this
I'm going to have nothing, all right?
Please, come on. Eh?
All right, just for today.
Hey! You da man! Come on, give me a high-five!
Don't leave me hanging! It's either that or a Moon hug.
Come on. Up to you.
There you go!
Right, come on! Come on, you know it makes sense.
Come on, girls! Come and get your beautiful dresses here.
'Ere, Dad, would you have sex with a serial killer for ten grand?
Sausage! You been looking at your mother's passport photo again?
I told you you looked a little bit like Fred West.
He's been hanging out with Tina.
Still, I suppose she's the lesser of two evils.
Well, would you?
No, because that would mean cheating on your mother,
and I could never do that. Mwah!
Is there any tea?
I reckon you can squeeze another one out, baby.
You seem very chipper today.
Yeah, well, I did think about getting in your face but then I thought...
Thought you'd try something new for a change?
Ha-ha - very funny(!)
No, I thought there'd be no point, cos you wouldn't take any notice.
And I don't want to push you too far
cos then you might write me out of your will.
And you know how much I'm looking forward to spending all your money.
Yeah, you'll be lucky, Nance.
I spent my last bean buying this place.
She knows when she's crossed the line.
I don't want more dramas today.
You liking that, eh? It's a bargain.
Let me tell you something, sweetheart,
this dress is exactly the same worn by Kate Middleton
when she came out of hospital with baby George.
It was in the papers, all the pictures.
So what's the difference between this one
and the one Kat's selling, then?
Oh. No difference, actually, it's all about EU regulations.
See, this lot were made one side of the Great Wall of China,
that lot on the other. That's why they've got to be on different stalls.
You were born to do this! You were born to wear one of these.
Seriously, you walk into any party,
you'll have blokes falling all over you.
"Oh, look at the dress! Look at the dress!"
Got no money. And if I had, I'd buy off Kat, anyway.
Why? I'm not being funny, but I'd rather buy off someone
who knows what it's like to wear a dress.
Oh, is that right? Yeah. Is that right? Yeah.
Well, let me tell you something, you're thinking,
"A man in a dress, that ain't going to work,"
but I'm Alfie Moon and I will look good in a dress.
Any man will look good in this dress. Look at that,
I'm not even breathing in. See, it shapes me, it shapes me.
Look, look, look! Look how shapely I look now.
Beautiful, see? Just holds everything in.
Yeah. OK. Anyway...
Seriously, I look...
Oi! You can't flog 'em for 25 when we've got 'em up for 30.
Healthy competition, you said.
I didn't mean undercut my prices!
Legitimate salesmanship, Kat. You wouldn't know legitimate
if it knocked you over on a zebra crossing!
Get 'em marked up. You're going to put me out of business.
All's fair in love and market stalls, my darling.
Oh, is that right? That's right. Two can play at that game.
Bet you want me now, eh, girl?
You wait until I put the high heels on!
No, I'm, er, changing the barrels.
"Heroes Fight Injustice?"
They want to get down here. Not a lot of justice going on.
You miss Wayne?
What do you think?
I'm supposed to have a ring on my finger.
We was going to go Tenerife for our honeymoon.
I could've been on a jet ski somewhere by now.
I'm surprised you're still here. Thought you might've run off.
What's the point? They'd only come and march me back.
I'm glad you're here. Whatever.
Don't leave that lying around.
Mum might get ideas and put that Wonder Woman costume on again.
Change the barrel, then. Yep.
Do you think they'll ever stop trying to control our lives?
You've just spent the last two years lying to them!
Why would you do that if they weren't trying to control you?
It's not lying.
I don't know how you do it, man.
I get on with Mum and Dad, I like living with them.
I like my life.
You're still lying.
What, cos I'm not all rebellious?
You know what, you're just the same.
I am DEFINITELY not.
If you really wanted to be with Wayne, you wouldn't be here.
You're not fooling anyone, Nance.
You don't have a problem with me liking women, do you?
No. Why should I?
I don't know. You never talk about it.
Well, when do we ever talk about my sex life?
You know, we should go into town and split up a couple.
Yeah, but I don't reckon I'd be attracted to the sort of birds
who'd go out with the sort of blokes you'd fancy.
Yeah, you know, like you and Kevin, and you and Phil...
They go for...women like you.
Honestly, Shirl, you ain't my type.
Would you rather kiss me or Mickey's Linda?
Ugh, Shirl! That's disgusting!
So what, we're just back to sneaking around again, eh?
Back to square one.
You have no idea how much I want to kiss you.
Not as much as I want to kiss you.
You know what the best thing is about my dad owning the restaurant?
I've always got an empty house at lunchtime.
Oh. Well, my lunch might be from 12 till 1, maybe?
12 till 1, sounds good.
See you later, maybe? See you later.
So have you spoken to Peter about Cindy?
I haven't had time.
Well, make time. He's still angry and she's going to be back soon.
He'll have forgotten all about it by then. Oh, really?!
Sticking your head in the sand, that works for you, does it?
I've got a lot on my plate. You're not the only one.
I've got a lot on here and I've got to rush back to the B
All right, yeah? All right.
Listen, you heard about Carl?
What about him? That's it. He's gone.
Where? I dunno. But according to Phil, that's it,
we ain't going to see him again. Really?
I doubt that very much. Enjoy the coffee.
Don't exactly look on the bright side of life, does he?
Pack of the usual, please.
You going to join me, or...?
All right, keep your beard on.
Oh, hello, Grandma Elaine!
Be a love.
I like this one. Hmm!
Nancy said anything to you about Wayne? No.
If you knew she was planning something...
I'd tell you.
She talks to you, she tells you stuff.
I don't think she loved him.
She was marrying him.
And she slept the night here.
Last time I looked, there weren't bars at the window.
Maybe she didn't want to upset you and Dad.
Thank goodness I've got one uncomplicated child.
SHE LAUGHS Come on, sausage!
You just going to bleedin' stand there?
Just do your business, will you?
Is that what you stood up Sharon for, then?
What? Helping Carl move?
What's it got to do with you?
Oh, you know me, Phil. I can't take my eyes away from you(!)
Do you want something?
Well, have either of you seen Carl? Carl?
But I'm betting you have.
Disappeared with 20 grand of my cash. You going after him?
No. No need to. Ronnie's already dealt with him.
Well, someone needed to.
Shall I give you a hand?
Ooh! LINDA GIGGLES
Sorry, didn't I say two beers? He's younger than me!
Yeah, and he's got ID. I'm not arguing about it, it's the law.
I'm 21, darling. You look 15.
Ooh, that's a bit harsh... No, I don't look 15!
You look under 25. I've gotta ask and you've gotta prove it.
I ain't got nothing on me. That is not my problem.
If you haven't got ID, I can't serve you.
Jay, talk to her, tell her how old I am.
Yeah, he's 15.
If you want a pint, then you show me some ID.
Until then, you can have a soft drink.
Right there, that's what's wrong with this country.
Getting treated like a criminal cos I want a drink.
Ice and lemon with your JUICE?
Hello, ladies, look at this, top fashion, bottom prices.
Just 20 quid a throw.
You can't get 'em cheaper anywhere else in London!
Girls, girls, girls! Come and see the latest fashion.
All the rage in Shoreditch, these are.
Oh, these are so lovely.
I have to have one. How much are they?
Sir, for you they are ?25.
?25? Oh, that is SO reasonable! I'll take two.
My girlfriend's going to be so pleased with me.
Don't listen to him. He ain't even got a girlfriend!
Come on, ladies, look, 20 quid! They're just 20 quid!
Here, two for the fashion forward gent.
Fashion forward? Billy Mitchell?
Do me a favour! Look at what he's wearing!
Come on, ladies, over here for some real bargains.
What are you doing?
I'm supposed to shift this lot by the end of the day.
What do you want me to do, stand about and watch you clear up?
Bad enough that I've had to mark these down to 20.
Not exactly making any money on 'em, am I? So what do you want me to do, eh?
I don't know, Alfie. but we've got another mouth to feed soon,
and if we carry on like this, we'll be eating the dresses.
I'm not doing that no more.
I ain't no dog walker.
You ain't no barmaid either, but it don't stop you taking wages.
What are you talking about? I give them what they want.
You clump around like a hung-over bricklayer.
You're supposed to be welcoming,
make small talk, take their mind off their troubles.
What do I care about their troubles? I've got enough of me own.
People are asking for food again.
Well, explain we've not got the kitchen up and running yet.
I have, but they ain't happy. You expect food in a pub.
You expect barmaids that make an effort with their appearances an' all.
Used to have good food in this pub.
My mate Jean used to run the kitchen.
People used to come from all over for her food.
Thank you, Shirley, that's really useful.
Well, a pub with no food?!
This is my sister, Nancy.
Hi. You all right?
Nice to meet you.
Johnny was just telling me all about your wedding.
Oh, the one I was kidnapped from?
Did he tell you about the SS coming in and dragging me off?
Mum and Dad think you're up to something.
Like what? I dunno. Are you?
Might be. Oh, look, customer. Your turn.
He proper hates it when me and my mum and dad kick off.
I keep telling him he should get a job at the UN.
Yeah, he's sensitive, isn't he? What? Like that, is it?
Well, he ain't got a girlfriend, has he?
Not unless you count my mum.
There's another one who's going to fall for you
and then wonder what's wrong with her when you don't ask her out.
I like Whitney.
I know you do. I've seen you dancing to all her hits in your bedroom
when you think no-one's looking. Ha-ha(!)
Who's putting a smile on her face?
Give her the benefit of the doubt.
Another complaint about having no food.
Tell them service will be back to normal soon.
I can tell them, but I don't know if they'll be coming back.
Oh...just moving it, darling.
Leave it there and it might get spilt on.
Are you for real? You are unbelievable!
Er, we got a problem here? She was checking my phone!
Bit low, innit, Linda? I was just moving it.
Do you know what, check all my texts, check who I've been calling.
Then maybe you could get me, like, a tag for my ankle
so an alarm goes off if I try and leave the pub!
Telling you now, she's trouble. No, she's not, bruv.
She just talks too much.
Denise, you don't need to remind me, OK? I'm on top of it.
Erm, remind me of the conversation we had at Christmas, will ya?
Which one? The one about you keeping your son away from Lola.
What about it? Oh, so, you remember? And you remember what I said?
Cos I've just seen them going into your place,
eating each other's faces.
I swear, I didn't know anything about it. I swear to you!
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt cos I'm in a good mood,
but they'd better not be anywhere near each other by tomorrow,
cos my good mood won't last. Do you understand me?
I'll make sure.
Did you leave anything in the shops?
I got some right old bargains, and not just for me.
Got you a little pressie an' all.
Why don't we go home and you can give it me?
Oh, why don't we?
Eh? THEY GIGGLE
Ain't you got lovely skin?
Oh, thank you.
Sometimes I wish I was black.
Do you ever wish you was white?
Right, question. Would you sleep with a serial killer for ten grand?
Are you trying to be funny?
No, it's a question.
You work here every day?
Yeah, pretty much, until I go back to uni.
What you studying?
Yeah. Ooh, you want to be a solicitor?
That's the idea.
Well, maybe when you're not working or studying we could do something.
Go out, to a club or something.
Yeah, yeah, OK. I'll book a night off. Maybe Nancy can come too.
OK. See you later. Bye.
We're just friends.
It's all right, sausage.
It'd be nice to see you with someone.
I can't remember the last time you had a girlfriend.
What was Nancy kicking off about earlier?
Oh, just Nancy being Nancy.
Do me a favour. Can you ask her how things are with Wayne?
Your dad's worried she's plotting something with him and...
She knows how you and Dad feel about Wayne.
She ain't stupid enough to contact him.
I'm just saying I'm not going to text you for a while.
Mum tried going through my phone.
No, Wayne, don't you dare turn up here again!
Because my dad will kill us both, that is why.
Please, will you just let me sort it?
Alfie, boy! Got my money, then?
Er, yeah, yeah.
Nah, nah, nah, you said a score, Alf.
You're paying him?!
Listen, can we sort this out later?
I'll give you a bell later. Yeah.
"Don't worry about the future," you say, "I've got it covered."
You haven't even got your market rent covered!
You think I don't know that? I'm trying my best here, sweetheart.
Now, I'm lumbered with this lot.
If I don't get rid, then I'm not going to buy any more stock, am I?
Tell you what, why don't you leave the market to me, and you get a job?
We haven't got time for you to play at this, Alfie, all right?
We've already taken two steps back, moving in with Nan.
You need to man up!
Whoa, whoa, what you doing? Going home!
What about your stall?
You want to sell dresses? Sell mine as well!
You've GOT to be kidding me!
Peter, you told me you'd split up with her!
Yeah, I did, but... Look, Ian, we're together, all right?
I'm talking to my son! Don't talk to her like that.
What does she want, another kid to get up the council waiting list?
Who the hell do you think you are?
Peter, I don't want you anywhere near her!
I'm 20 years old. I don't need your permission to do anything.
I want to be with Lola.
So I'm going to be with Lola!
Not under my roof, you're not!
Fine, I'll move out!
You can't be with her, OK? Phil'd kill me!
Dad, you're pathetic.
SHARON: Phil, can you bring the matches?
I've put some candles round the bath.
Heads. Aw, best of three.
Nope, he wins. You collect the glasses.
It's a little bit awkward, Mick. It's my daughter, Lauren.
She's got a drink problem.
She's had counselling, and...
just, Alfie knew what was going on, and if she has a slip up, you know.
If she has a wobble, we won't serve her.
Don't worry, all right? We run a family pub here.
Appreciate it. See you later.
Was just telling me his daughter's got a drink problem.
I reassured him we won't serve her. No, no.
Puts things into perspective.
just lay off Nancy a bit.
She's a good girl.
I'm on top of it, OK?
Right, we'd best get going. Don't want Phil on our case.
You done with your bit of juice?
Oh, shut up, Jay, man!
What are you looking at?
You want serving, you bring in some ID.
Does it make you feel like you're important or something, cos you can pick on people?
Aww, princess! Does he feel bossed around? Bless him!
Let's just go.
Swear down, touch me again and I'll rip your bits off!
Nancy! He groped me!
You touched my daughter? I never! I swear, I fell over!
You never assault the customers!
He assaulted me!
Upstairs, now! Of course you believe him!
I'm just your daughter!
You're on top of it, are you?
See her, she's lucky she's a girl, you know.
Let me look. Let me look.
No, man, get off me. Is it bleeding?
You've just combined stock.
That allowed in the regulations, is it?
Hello, sweetheart, can I interest you in this beautiful...?
I gave you that stall as a favour.
Yes, Tam, I didn't know it was going to be the same stock.
Listen, I promise I'll sort it. Hello, sweetheart.
I'm doing what I can here.
Lads, maybe for the ladies at home, might like it, eh? Interested?
All right, Alf? You got my money, then?
Yeah, yeah. Billy, you couldn't do us a favour, could you?
What? I'm going to grab a quick half hour in the Vic.
You couldn't hold the fort?
I promise I'll make it worth your while.
Alfie, I'm an Executive Director of Operations.
What do I know about flogging dresses?
Well, what do I know? I don't know anything.
But I'll tell you something,
the birds have been hanging around all morning,
cos they love a geezer who sells dresses.
Really? Yeah, I promise you.
Get a hold of that, proper babe magnet. Won't be long.
Only a half-hour, though, eh, Alf?
All right, girls?
Fancy coming in here and inspecting my goods?
LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS
SHE CRIES OUT
You never hit the customers!
What, so they can just put their hands all over me
and I'm just supposed to stand there and take it?!
You might like being groped by them, but I don't!
Oi, oi, oi, listen, that's enough!
You don't talk to your mother like that!
Why do you think I'm lying? You think I just hit people for the thrill of it?
He touched my bum! Well, it's not the first time, is it?
We have been here before, with you throwing punches in Watford!
What, so I can't defend myself? Is that it?
There's NEVER an excuse to hit a customer.
Right, why I don't I just stand there and let them cop a feel?!
If anybody ever touched me, they'd end up in traction.
Oh, not now, Shirley! No, no, no, stay!
Stay, and see how they treat me!
Have you any idea how much this upsets your dad?
You don't care about me, do you?
You never take me seriously because you don't care!
If we didn't care, we'd have let you marry the geezer.
How dare you say we don't care! We've given you everything!
No, you give HIM everything!
Golden sausage boy Johnny who never does anything wrong!
Don't drag me into this.
It's been Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, since the day he was born!
Because all you ever do is test my patience!
You've always been the same, having to be different,
never liking anything I try and get you interested in.
It's like you do everything you can to try and upset and humiliate me!
I don't! You only went with Wayne to upset us. You don't love him!
I know how your mind works - you're always kicking out,
looking for attention.
You think you're clever, but I can read you like a book!
You don't know me! I know you inside out.
I know all my children!
Oh, yeah? You don't even know Johnny's gay!
That is a disgusting thing to say!
I'm not gay, I'm not.
Of course you're not, sausage. And you think you know him!
You're just trying to turn this away from you!
First we get deceit, and now lies. Tell them you're lying, Nance.
It's not true. He's not gay.
Of course he's not! OK, right. This stops now.
OK? We've a bar full of customers down there.
Oh, yeah, worry about your precious pub.
Don't worry about my feelings.
What about Johnny's feelings?
I'm sorry. I was trying to hurt you.
I was just being stupid.
You... you need to watch your mouth, girl.
We all say things in the heat of the moment.
You're in the doghouse, aren't you?
Beer's not touched, phone call ain't answered. You been a bad boy?
Nah. I'm fine, thank you.
Know what you want to do? Down that and go find her.
Tina, I really do appreciate your concern but I doubt Kat wants to see me at the moment.
Yeah, course she does. When you're mad with someone you want them
there to shout at, don't you, eh?
Go on, go and help her get it out of her system.
Let her scream and shout. I love a passionate woman, me.
Here, stick that on it. Ow!
You know what, I could get the feds involved, you know.
That was unprovoked assault. You could have a claim.
"Have you had an accident on your lunch break lately?"
Have they gone on strike or what? I'll tell you about it later.
Pint please, Shirley.
You're to take no notice of her, you hear me?
You know what she's like. She lashes out when she knows she's in the wrong.
Everything all right? Just family stuff.
I'm so sorry. She's had a few relationship problems.
I've had strong words with her. She's very sorry. Really(?)
Let me get you fresh drinks, on the house.
Two pints, is it? Maybe whisky chasers?
Yeah, that'd be lovely.
You want to keep milking this.
Jay, do you want me to punch you in the face?
Listen, you should take it as a compliment.
She gets a touch on the bum, sees us two
and just automatically assumes it's you.
Don't even cross her mind that it could be me.
What's that say about you?
It says, Jay, that I look like the type who walks around slapping people's batties.
No, it means she sees you as an option. It's a good thing.
Kat, sweetheart. Listen, darling, I know you're angry with me.
Kat, I'm here. Sweetheart, I'm here.
I've got you, I've got you. I'm here, darling. Help me up.
OK, OK. What's happened? Go easy. Easy.
What? It's nice to see you too.
Well, I could do without you summoning me by text.
I had Dad having a massive go at me for seeing Lola.
Lola? Yeah. We're back together.
Well, I wonder how long it'll last this time. Anyway, where's Dad?
Well, at home, I guess. That's where we left him.
Right, well, Scarlett's is locked up. So?
So it's lunchtime. Dad would never close Scarlett's at lunchtime.
Well, don't look at me.
He's got no right telling me who I can and can't see.
I'm not a kid any more. OK, well, I'm just worried about him.
Wait there, wait there, wait there. Terry!
Will you do me a favour? Can you run us to the hospital? What's up?
Kat's pregnant. She's fallen over and hurt her stomach. All right, I'm coming to you. Stay there.
It's all right, I've got you.
Don't go around telling people that I got beat up by a girl.
Cos I'm serious, I'd just beat you up. A punch like that, she should be a boxer.
They should lock her up, bruv.
How does it look?
I'd put that back on it if I were you. Oh, man!
If any of you lay a finger on my daughter again, you'll be leaving here in an ambulance.
Is that clear? I never touched her!
I said, is that clear?
HE SUCKS HIS TEETH
There you go. Anything you want me to do?
No, look, I'll make you some lunch in a minute. I'm not hungry.
I was thinking maybe I could start unpacking some of them boxes in the living room.
Yeah? See, that's the difference between you and your sister.
You'd never get her offering to do anything helpful.
Did I leave my gloves in here? Hey. I've missed you.
I've only been gone half an hour.
Let me buy you a drink.
No, I've got to get back.
You've got ten minutes, surely. OK.
He don't hang about, does he?
He takes after his dad.
Take a seat. Lovely, thank you, darling.
Here you go, sit down there.
I reckon you probably just winded yourself or something, you know?
It's happening again, like last time. No, no, no. This is different.
I've got a good feeling about this. We'll see the doctor, you'll probably flirt with him,
he'll give you a quick check and we'll be straight home. You don't know that.
Yeah, Kat, I do. I promise you,
we'll be back in time to pick Tommy up from the nursery. It's all good, fine.
You want to come for Sunday lunch some time?
Me and my dad make it.
You cook? That's impressive. Glad you think so.
All the best chefs are men - that's what my dad says.
Last week, I saw him... You'll come, yeah?
..kissing him over there. Aww, what if he is gay?
I'll tell you what, when he comes out we'll throw him a party, yeah?
I gotta get back to work. Yeah, me too.
I'm baby-sitting later if you want to come over. OK.
When the kids are asleep, they never wake up.
So we'll have the place to ourselves.
Oh...actually I've got to work here tonight.
Which is a real shame, you know, cos I'd love to have.
That's all right. We'll do it another time, eh?
For sure. Um...I'll text you.
See you later.
Don't forget your gloves. Thanks.
That one's done.
So who would have thought it?
Working for your mum and dad, flirting with girls.
Just leave it, will you?
Do you know you go all red when you're embarrassed?
I'm playing with you. You all right?
What are you doing in here?
Can't you leave me alone?
I'm in a pub, having a drink. It's what people do.
Terry, I really appreciate you dropping me off but listen,
if you've got work to do, and you want to get back...
No, I don't mind. I'll stay and keep you company. Unless you want me to ping?
Took me ages to find a parking space after I dropped you off. And I had to pay. Hospitals...
You don't think I'm being selfish, do you, wanting a kid of my own?
Be a proper dad.
Wonder where they've taken her now.
I don't think she was fooled by me saying everything was going to be all right.
I never thought I could have kids.
I've seen you with Tommy. You're a great dad.
I just want...
I don't want Kat to worry about anything, you know.
Paying bills, making ends meet.
She deserves better than that, Terry.
I want to give her everything that she's never had.
I want to make her happy.
You do make her happy. And everybody knows that.
How am I going to get her through this though, eh?
Do you want more crisps? No, thanks.
Have you got everything you need for uni? Your books and that?
We could take a trip into town if there was anything. Make a day of it. See a show?
No, I've got everything, but thanks.
Is he the only one getting fed today?
Nancy was right - you are her favourite.
Just because I've made him a sandwich. I'm joking. Oh, right.
You going to have a chat with Nancy?
Yeah. Later. She's in her room.
Probably best if she stays up here for the rest of the day.
She wouldn't have made it up.
She makes up lies about you and you stand up for her.
Good to know I brought one of you up right.
Of course, I had no part in bringing him up, did I?
Yes, we all know you're the best parent in the world.
Suppose I'd better make sure your sisters haven't frightened away all the customers.
I'm going to start on the unpacking. Loads to do.
Hey. You all right?
So what did they say?
He said it's going to be OK. Yeah?
But he said to have a scan just to be on the safe side.
Well, there you go. There's nothing to worry about, is there?
But he could just be saying that, couldn't he? You still in pain?
No. But that don't mean anything.
Hey. Shh. They keep getting taken away from us.
Kat, you stop that, OK? We've got Tommy and you're a great mum.
You're the best and you heard what the doctor said.
It's going to be OK and you gotta believe that.
Do you think it's going to be OK?
Yeah. I do. I really do. All right?
I am really sorry.
Mum was proper getting at me.
So, you decided to throw me under the bus?
You're the only person I've ever trusted enough to tell. I told them it wasn't true.
They didn't believe me. It'll be fine.
Did you see their faces?
I can never tell them, can I?
You know what Dad's like - he'll kill me.
Why don't you talk to Tina about it? I don't want to talk about it.
This is your chance. Why don't you just tell them?
You can't keep lying for ever.
I think you like having a little secret. I think it makes you feel special.
Oh, yeah, I feel really special, Nance(!)
If you want to get with boys, there is nothing stopping you.
This is your life we are talking about.
And, actually, if you haven't got the guts to lead it how you want to lead it,
then I'm sorry but you really can't expect me to be all "Poor Johnny" about it.
I just want you to be happy, mate.
Dad! We've been looking everywhere.
Why? What's wrong?
You haven't been answering your calls and... Why didn't you open Scarlett's?
Because I just wanted to come up here and sit and think.
About what? Everything.
Is this about me and Lola?
Cos you were bang out of order, what you said before.
You know what? I'm going to be 45 very soon
and I'm not the type of person I thought I was going to be.
What do you mean?
I thought I'd be this dynamic man, this man of purpose.
Instead, I'm the one everybody orders around.
Dad, it's all right.
I just wanted some peace and quiet, OK?
There's just so much going on.
There's you two, Denise, Phil's getting at me,
Cindy's coming back from her gran's. I mean, why?
Why am I responsible for her? She's not even my daughter, is she?
It's like I never get anything right. I mean, there's your mum,
I've not been much of a dad either, have I?
You just overreact sometimes. Peter.
You're a man now. I can't stop you seeing Lola.
Dad, do you need to see someone?
No. I just needed to stop and think.
Come on, let's get back.
Remember, whatever happens, it's you and me.
I love you. That's handy cos I love you too, all right?
Well, doctor was right.
Everything seems fine.
There's no sign of bleeding.
Sorry, do you mind repeating that?
Your pregnancy appears fine. Yeah?
You fell off a chair. It was bound to hurt,
but it was nothing to do with your pregnancy.
You sure, though, you're absolutely sure?
Yes, I'm absolutely...
What? What's the matter? What is it?
Look here, you see that? See that little blob? That's baby. What's wrong with it?
Nothing. See that little flicker? That's the heart.
Now, if you look here, what do you see?
I have no idea what I'm looking at.
What is it?
Is it twins? That's right, yeah.
the one you were inventing lies about...
pointed out that you wouldn't have made up being touched.
You should have called me or your dad over. I fight my own battles.
Well, next time, don't do it in the pub.
It's not great for customer relations if word gets out we use the punters as punch bags.
I'm sorry I shouted at you.
And I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions.
I dunno, Nance. All this wedding stuff and moving here.
I feel like I'm losing you.
You're not losing me.
All this stuff with Wayne.
I don't want you throwing your life away.
I want you to have what me and your dad have got.
I want someone who'll love you completely and for ever.
You're still my little girl.
Even if you do wear those disgusting track suits
and do nothing with your hair.
I don't need to. I'm a natural beauty.
Hospital runs are nothing.
It's the ones who go into labour and ruin my upholstery that are the pain.
I've had four births on that back seat.
Do you know there are two kids running around this world called Terry who I helped deliver? Yeah?
You sure they said everything's all right?
You two look a bit shook up.
Just come as a bit of a shock, that's all, Terry.
As long as the baby is all right. Yeah.
We need to have a little chat. What about?
How would you feel if I told your mum and dad about you kissing Danny?
Cos if I don't, somebody else will.
Maybe not about kissing Danny, but about you kissing another bloke.
How do you think they're going to feel, hearing that from someone?
I know that you and me, we're not close.
We've met each other - what? Handful of times?
But there's one thing I do know about you.
And that's that your mum thinks the sun shines out of your backside.
You don't need to keep stuff from them.
Mum went ballistic at Nancy for just saying it.
Yeah, well, they might not like it but they'll come round.
Why haven't you just told them?
Because I'm not a grass.
Right, well, that's both of us not telling them, then.
I knew this boy once.
I thought we were close.
No, we were close.
And he was gay and he was scared to tell his dad that he was gay
cos his dad thought being gay was weak.
So this boy, he wanted to do something to prove to
everyone that he was a man and as a result of that he...
..he did something really bad.
What's that got to do with me? If you don't want to tell your mum and dad that you're gay
that's your decision, but you know that I know so...
..if ever you need to talk to anyone...
..you'll find me hovering by the vodka.
There you go.
Twins. Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
Look, Kat, it is though, isn't it?
You're not the one that's going to be pushing them out.
No, it's great, it's...twins.
Kat, sweetheart, come on, darling, don't worry about it.
No, seriously, cos you know I can do the night feeds, I'll change the nappies.
How are we going to afford two lots of nappies?
Don't worry about that. I'll make sure we've got money. You ain't got to worry about anything. Come here.
Hello, this is Daddy to Bert and Ernie.
Bert and Ernie come in, can you hear me? Over.
It's going to be boys, isn't it? You reckon, do you?
I can just see it now.
You and the three of them kicking a football about,
me tripping over toy diggers and trucks
and screaming at you cos you're traipsing mud through the house.
It's like winning the Lottery.
Seriously, it's like a double jackpot.
But you're still not the one that's going to be pushing them out.
I knew she was lying. I've never had a problem with your sister being the way she is, have I?
No. Except from that time when you thought she fancied you.
If he was gay... He's not.
I'm just saying if he was, or if Nancy or Lee,
or if any of them were... Why are we even having this conversation?
Our son is not like that. He's just a bit sensitive.
I don't know who else to talk to.
I'm really worried about him.
Look at all this junk.
Look at all this junk.
We wouldn't miss half of it if we never see it again.
There was a load of RSVPs to Lee's 18th in one of them.
There was a load of RSVPs to Lee's 18th in one of them.
That's your mother for you. Too sentimental for her own good.
I was thinking of going to Watford at the weekend, pick some stuff up.
Come with me if you fancy it. See some of your mates.
I know you miss them. OK.
I know this ain't ideal, me buying this place,
making everyone up sticks. It's OK.
Better for you, ain't it? Closer for uni.
Here, Dad. What do you think of Whitney?
Yeah, she's nice.
I've said she could come round for Sunday lunch one weekend.
Come and sit down.
You know what Nancy was saying?
You know, about you being gay?
I just wanted to say, if she wasn't lying...
..well, it would be OK. OK.
Just wanted you to know that.
Me and your mum, we'd be OK with it.
You wouldn't be upset? You wouldn't care?
Well. OK, I'll be honest with you.
If I had a son who wore make-up and he was all camp and that,
yeah, I would find it a bit weird.
But I know that being gay is not a choice, you know, it's just in you.
It's who you are. I guess.
It's like Tina. She had your cousin Zsa Zsa.
But she just kept on saying "I'm a lesbian" and we were like...
Anyway, listen. I just wanted to say that, in case...
It's just, I saw your face when your mum was going off at Nancy
and then I saw it when Nancy said she was lying.
And I'm not blind.
I've seen other stuff, stuff I've chose to ignore.
And you know you can tell me anything.
I just want you to know that you can tell me anything...
..because you're my son and you mean the world to me.
Hey, come here.
It's all right. Everything's all right.
Listen, listen, you don't have to say it. You don't have to say anything to me.
Now stop it, stop it. You're going to start me off in a minute.
It's all right, John.
Listen, I love you, boy. I love you.
It's not natural, it's wrong. No, listen.
Look at me. Look at me.
Don't you dare say that.
There's nothing unnatural about you. OK?
I... I don't want to let you down.
Look at me. As if you could ever let me down.
You'll never understand how proud we are of you.
First Carter to go to uni, that's you.
You're the brains of the outfit.
So don't you dare think any of that rubbish.
So you're really OK with it?
And I'm so proud of you because I know what you've just told me
takes a lot of courage.
So you're the one we should have called Nancy!
It's going to be all right. All right?
OK? I promise you. Good boy.
Pushed to breaking point and desperate to protect her sister, Ronnie decides enough is enough and takes matters into her own hands, but has she gone too far?
After receiving an unnerving invitation in the post, Mick decides to hide it from Linda, and he struggles with a dilemma as the Carters host a New Year's Eve party at the Vic. Unable to hide their opinions, Linda and Mick make their daughter Nancy's big day unforgettable, and Nancy's presence at the Vic causes tension with the customers as well as within the Carter family - particularly when Nancy makes a revelation which causes shockwaves amongst the Carters.
Elsewhere, Kat anxiously waits to hear some crucial news.