03/11/2012 EastEnders Omnibus

Look where you're going. Stop it, get down.

Mind the people.

Tiff, will you stop? You're going to fall down.

-Didn't know you did the Pony Express on a Monday.

-Yeah. Full-time now.

Nice one. Might get the right post for a change.

-I wouldn't be so sure about that!

-See you later.

Phil...

< Anybody home?

-Oh, you're back!

-You all right?

I'm auditioning for the main part in the Christmas play.

I've been playing football for the school.

Too cool to give me a hug, right?

Welcome back. I weren't expecting you.

We're just back for the week. I've got some things to sort out

-before Bianca gets home.

-Yeah, Nan got cheap coach tickets.

-We was up at the crack of dawn.

-Well, welcome back.

My room...

Maybe not for too long, Tiff. I'll have to sort out

the sleeping arrangements before your mum gets back.

-Where's Derek?

-He's out.

Oh, what the hell is that?

Yeah. Derek bought it off the stall.

Well, if that's the worst of what he's been up to,

I suppose I should be grateful.

Look who I found in my room.

-You must be Alice.

-You must be Auntie Carol.

I know delivering junk mail is what keeps the post office going,

but it means you have to go to every single door.

Next Olympics, I'm going to do the marathon, because...

according to this, I've done...13.27 kilometres.

You're just putting some shifts in whilst it's half term?

No, it's full time.

You're not going back to the school?

No. You know, bills,

mortgage...

stuff, you know?

Dad. You love your school work.

Yeah, this pays more.

But what happened to chasing your dream and doing what you want?

Look, Tam, sometimes reality is what it is.

And you're OK with that?

Delivering the Crown's Royal Mail, finishing by mid morning?

What's not to like?

Sharon.

I'm just on my way to work.

Got some fruit for Dennis.

-I've cut it up into little pieces.

-Oh, thank you.

I remember when Peter had mumps,

-he struggled with chewing and everything.

-That's kind of you.

-Cheers.

-Has Phil said anything to you about the Lola, Lexi thing?

I haven't seen him over the weekend.

Oh, right. I swear to you, it's not got anything to do with me

-and Phil and everything...

-Has he said something to you?

No. He's not said anything.

Well, to be honest I expected to come home to a tip,

but this place looks all right.

-Oh, don't look at me. Alice is the tidy one.

-Don't worry. I didn't think you had anything to do with it.

Today's my day off, so I can help out with anything...

What do I do with this, then?

-Here, I'll sort it.

-Dad's been pretty good, as well.

Like with paying bills and keeping up to date with everything.

Maybe I've come back to a parallel universe!

Then again...

..maybe not.

-You not staying for breakfast?

-Have you seen how late it is?

And whose fault is that?

Please stay.

Oh, right. So, trying to get me the sack on Friday wasn't enough, eh?

-Want to give it another crack, do ya?

-I was coming to let you go.

-Course you were, Luce.

-I was! I came back when Whitney stopped me.

So what if you lost your job, anyway? You could always come work for me.

Right, well, I ain't really that big on chip frying, thanks, Luce.

Well, maybe we could do something later - meet up for a drink?

I ain't really sure what I'm doing yet, so...

Well, text me.

Phil, Ian's got enough to cope with, getting himself back together.

He does not need you twisting the knife over this.

So me not stopping and having a chat with Ian Beale

is twisting the knife, is it?

Look, I have not got a problem with him, OK? Trust me.

So you're not planning on dunking his head down a toilet any time soon?

No, he's in the clear. Anyway, I've got a new bog brush.

I'll let him know it's all right, then.

-I can have a word with him if you want.

-No, no. No need to.

Why's that there?

Still his voicemail.

He did say he was busy today.

Busy? Busy with my boot up his backside.

Right, I need some chocolate.

Oh, here we go. He's having a laugh.

What's this?

Right, that's enough.

Liam, look after Tiff and Morgan, I'm just going out.

I'm really sorry, Auntie Carol.

You got nothing to be sorry about, darling.

-There we go.

-Ooh, look at that.

And I'll have another cup of tea, please, my darling.

Mmm.

What was I supposed to do?

-And when were you going to tell me?

-I was going to come round...

Oh! Lucky I've saved you the bother, then.

You really think you can do anything you want, don't you?

It's not about what I want. It's about Lola and Lexi.

Oh, yeah, course it is.

When Ian pulled out, she was all over the place.

-You had no right.

-She begged me to get you to help but I knew you'd say no, so I put your name down anyway.

Well, now you can take it off.

-It's already at the court, Sharon.

-Well, say you made a mistake.

It's just a piece of paper. That's all it is, and if it gets Lexi home,

-then so what if I'm out of order?

-You reckon?

Yeah, because I don't care. Well, obviously, I do care.

It gives Ben something to aim for.

I know I should have said something, but,

well, when Ian was out of the frame,

I just thought I'd do whatever I could to help Lola and Lexi.

I'm just trying to do the right thing, Sharon.

That's what you do, isn't it? You try and do the right thing.

All right, smiler?

-You look like you've been to the same fun factory as Sy.

-Snap!

Come on, see if you can help us with our master plan in finding Sy a job.

This is like the rejects' cafe on The Apprentice.

-You're fired!

-There are jobs out there, you know, Tam -

-just got to find 'em.

-Yeah, before the other two million unemployed do.

No luck down the Jobcentre?

Well, yeah, but sadly I'm not a qualified accountant,

nor do I have a degree in structural engineering.

Or an experienced pharmacist.

I saw that one. I just didn't like the hours.

-D'you want a cup of tea?

-Yeah.

So, Dad is back delivering post.

-What about the school?

-He's given it up.

-Why would he do that?

Let's see. He either loves the outdoors,

he likes walking around in the rain for six miles, or it pays better.

Parvez...

Why don't you join us?

Even our chef can't stand us.

-All right?

-Yeah.

-It's good to have you back.

-It's good to be back...I think.

I thought you weren't due back for a couple of weeks.

I had some things to do and you know, things change.

Apart from our brother, evidently.

Brother? You talking about the old grumpy one?

You know he's still using our house to store dodgy gear?

You know what he's like. Don't get involved.

-All I know is he's got the hump with me, big time.

-About what?

Where do you want to start? He's got his boy Joey...

-Joey? He's back as well? I knew Alice is here, but...

-Joey's working for me.

-Why's Derek got the hump about that?

-You ain't seen the two of them together.

The boy don't want to know him.

Put Derek's nose right out of joint, and that ain't even the best bit.

The wedding! Sorry, I meant to say. That's really good news. I'm really pleased for you.

Derek ain't. He's been a right pain about all the best man business and all that.

-What, you've asked Jack?

-Yeah. I want the day to go well.

Don't want to spend it worrying what Captain Pugwash is going to get up to.

-Have you seen him this morning?

-No.

Honestly, Carol, he ain't doing himself any favours.

Seriously, if he don't wind it in, me and him...

-All right, I'll see you later.

-See you later.

-What do you reckon, Alfie?

-Lovely, Mo. Goes with your warts.

-It's not what my white-van man thinks.

-What?

My white-van man. The fella I got this lot off.

-He was giving me the eye.

-I hope you picked it up, cleaned it and gave it back to him!

ALFIE LAUGHS

I thought I told you to check them notes.

If you get any moody notes,

I'll take 'em off your hands for half the face value.

Shut up, Nan. Phil's gone all straight now.

Yeah, right. And my farmers have cleared right up. Do me a favour.

I want that lot out of here, an' all.

SHE CACKLES

All right?

Oh, come on, girls. What are we, back in the playground?

-You broke the pact. You let him go.

-Yes.

-And you let him back into your bed.

-You back with him?

I've forgiven him, haven't I?

What's that written all over your forehead, eh?

Doormat.

No. Lucy, you don't have to explain herself to her.

And what about Tyler, eh?

Is he going to forgive you that quickly? No.

D'you know what - I'm the only one round here

who hasn't actually kissed him, and I'm getting all the grief.

You, you're all the same.

You all deserve each other.

All right?

All right! I'm picking up a slight sense of anger then, Lauren, eh?

My best mates hate me because of you.

-They'll get over it, won't they?

-You might be able to play Lucy and Whitney like some sort of mugs,

but it's not going to work for me.

All right.

It's like the rules of the universe don't apply to him.

He's Phil Mitchell and he can do exactly as he likes.

-Wasn't he going to tell you?

-That's not the point, is it?

He's already done it. I'm down on that application form

and that is that as far as he's concerned.

He would've been desperate once I pulled out, OK?

He'd be prepared to do whatever it takes.

Oh, what, and stuff the rest of us?

Ben's inside, OK?

This gives Phil something to live for.

I'm not saying what he's done's right...

No. Because it ain't.

No, you're right. It ain't.

But sometimes we want things so badly,

we're prepared to do anything to make it happen.

All right, Luce. Ian about?

He's around, maybe having lunch. I don't know.

Right, when you see him, can you tell him that Bianca's back soon?

And this is vital news to him because...?

Could you just pass the message on? Thanks.

-Are you going to buy anything or not?

-When we start working together,

-you'll have to sort out that attitude.

-You want your job back?

Yeah, well I think that is a matter for me and Ian.

-Well, no, not really, because I run this place now.

-Since when?

And why do you think I want anyone from your family working here?

-Excuse me! What do you mean, my family?

-Your brother nearly runs me out of business, robbing from me,

threatening me, but you just stroll back in here and ask for your job back.

Alice.

Have you seen your dad yet?

-No, I haven't.

-When you see him, you tell him I'm looking for him.

Here, Derek, you like a good party, don't you?

I'm not impartial to a bit of fun and frolics, Alfie, no.

Right, big Halloween party it is.

I've been thinking - maybe doing the place up,

-few decorations and all that...

-Spiders' webs and broomsticks?

Yeah. Witches' hats, pumpkins.

I suppose you'll be wanting to buy my gear off me, then?

No, thanks, Mo. I've got enough stuff out back from last year, thank you.

Party it is, then!

Hello, angel. What do you want to drink?

-Derek.

-Yes?

This note's dodgy.

-You're joking!

-Sorry.

There's a lot of them going about.

-I've just been given this in the garage.

-Well, we can't take it.

So I'm the loser in all this.

Typical, innit? First you get the bankers doing us,

then you get some scumbag in the local community having us over...

It's always the little people, ain't it? Always the little people.

Still, life goes on. What you having?

Carol's back.

Oh, is she?

So what Lucy said is right?

Look, I don't know about the threatening bit, but,

-yeah, he didn't exactly play very nice.

-But why would he do that?

-Carol, it's not for me to say, is it? Do you want a cup of tea?

-No. Can you just tell me?

-The way Derek spun it was she grassed him up.

-Over what?

I don't know the ins and out, do I?

Jack, I'm not in the mood...

It was over some dodgy booze or something.

-Derek was left out of pocket.

-This just gets better and better.

But it's OK now. The police found nothing and his probation officer's cool with it now.

Oh, right, oh, right. Silly me,

for worrying about my brother threatening a teenage girl.

-Do me a favour. Keep it down, will you?

-I will not keep it down! Everywhere I've been today,

all I've heard is that Derek is a one-man disaster.

Well, will you kick off quietly? I got a sick kid in the other room.

What sick kid?

Dennis. Sharon's boy.

-Sharon who?

-Sharon Rickman. Used to be Watts.

-Sharon Mitchell?

-Rickman.

I don't know what planet I've landed on,

but what the hell is going on?

-Sharon and Dennis are staying here now.

-Staying?

-Staying?

-Yeah.

Oh. Right. Well, I'm really happy for you. I'm happy for all of you.

You're all moving on.

I'll let you get on with nursing... Who is it?

Dennis.

Dennis...

-Rickman.

-Mm.

Oi.

What?

Don't tell Derek I told you about the Lucy stuff.

He's already giving me grief over this best man thing.

Oh, and sis?

Bet you're glad to be back, ain't you?

-If you've come back to have another go, don't bother, because I don't need it.

-Is that right?

Yeah. You've said your bit,

you've told me what you think, so, whatever...

Only you could do this.

What?

Turn this around like everyone else is in the wrong.

Look, Phil, this application...

You haven't signed my name on a birthday card.

-It's a legal document.

-Sharon, I did what I had to do.

-Regardless of anyone else.

-Lexi needs to be with her family.

She needs to be with her mum

and if I have to wade in to make that happen, then I will and if that makes me wrong, I don't care.

Because if you'd have seen the look on Lola's face, seen the look

in her eyes when she thought Ian pulling out meant

-that she'd lost her daughter, you'd have done exactly the same.

-No.

No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't have gone behind people's backs.

Well, like I said, we've done this, so don't let me keep you, yeah?

Look, will you shut up a minute?

I came here to tell you that maybe...

Maybe I get it, you know?

Maybe I understand.

That doesn't mean you're right, but...I get it.

And if Lola's happy about it, then...

you can use my name.

PHONE BLEEPS

-Oh, hiya.

-Hi. Er...

is Kim about?

No, sorry, love. She's just gone out. How's your mum and Kamil?

Good. They might be back soon.

As long as she's having a good time, eh?

Anyway, listen, I've just got to pop out to the Minute Mart, so...

Right, um, I was just wondering if there was any work going here.

I can cook, clean, make beds,

cos that's what I do when Mum's not about.

I've got a good morning smile.

-I'm sorry.

-It's OK. It's not the first time I've heard that word today.

I tried to get the job cleaning the toilets down the station,

but what with the 200 applicants they've had already...

Anyway, if anything comes up, just tell Kim to give me a call.

-Listen, there might be a few hours going.

-Really?

-Cos just talk to Kim. I'll do anything.

-I meant at the Minute Mart.

I'm just on my way there now, but got a temp in at the moment.

Not good.

Is that Mum's old job?

Yeah.

Look, if you don't want to... It's just a thought.

-Just helping out?

-Exactly, just helping out.

-Till she comes back?

-Till she comes back. Yeah.

OK. Yeah. I'll take it.

-Thanks.

-Yeah.

Can I have a tea and a coffee, please, love?

Yeah, is it busy out there?

Yeah, not bad, not bad.

I've seen Phil.

Oh, yeah? Lucky you.

Look, what he's done...

I know you were upset about Ian, but he should have spoken to me - it's massive.

And you know, no matter how much you want this sorting out, Lola,

and I understand you do - of course you do - but he just can't go

doing what he wants without speaking to people.

-Whoa, whoa. What are you rabbiting on about?

-The residency application.

Yeah, what about it?

-Me being on it.

-You?

Who's that from?

Dunno. Someone just left it on the bar.

-Someone's got an admirer.

-Don't be stupid!

-And you know who it is.

-No, I don't.

You know what you are, don't you?

You know what she is, Alfie?

-What?

-Jealous.

Yeah, that's what it is.

She's jealous of me getting some attention for a change.

-Hold on. Who's the rose from?

-It's mine, from my admirer.

-Don't stand there gawping. Did you get his number?

-Who?

-My white-van man!

-What, he sent you a rose?

Who else would it be? Big bloke, scar on his chin,

muscles you could bounce tennis balls off?

Yeah. That sounds like him.

-So did you get his number?

-I didn't, sorry, Nan.

Gordon Bennett, girl! I finally find a bloke to scratch my itch

-and you let him get away.

-Enough, Mo.

-The box is wet now, look.

-That's beer.

There must've been a leak.

Oh, what a shame.

I suppose you'll be biting my hand off now

for replacement decorations.

Did you sabotage this, Nan?

Just because you don't store your stuff properly,

-don't go accusing me.

-Oh. Right, listen.

OK, stop. Let's not row, OK?

Let me have a chat with Roxy and see what we can do.

It's damaged, so how much?

Twice as much as it was this morning.

Well done, Mo, thank you.

Come for round two, have you?

You got a good right cross there, Lauren.

You should get yourself down Basher's. Look, Lauren,

come on, wait up a sec, will you? Lauren, please.

I'm sorry, all right. I am.

Is that how got you back into Lucy's bed, is it? "Sorry"?

I want us to be mates.

I used to have a few of them, didn't I, before you turned up?

I didn't mean to mess things up between you all.

-It's a bit late for that now.

-But it's not what I wanted, Lauren.

Look, you really helped me out last week,

stopped me from getting the sack from here,

and that's the sort of thing that mates do.

I promise you, Lauren, if I ever see you

chained up to some giant metal flower,

I'll do exactly the same.

I will. I didn't mean to upset you, Lauren.

Mates, yeah?

I'll think about it.

I suppose that's one step up from you trying to whack me one, innit?

Hello, sis, welcome home.

Did you have a nice trip? How's Bianca?

She well?

-What? What's the matter?

-I've spent the whole morning going round in circles looking for you.

-Yeah, and here I am.

-Right. Don't you ever answer your phone?

Do you know, I think I might have left it here today.

Oh, right! Maybe you left it in the kitchen cupboard with the other 20.

I can explain about those.

-They're pay as you go and they're totally legit.

-Would you just stop it, Derek?

-Stop lying!

-C'mon, it's only bits and pieces.

I told you before I left, I wanted it gone.

Done.

I knew it. I knew you'd let me down.

You just can't help yourself, can you?

Oh, come on. It's only petty stuff. It's not heavy like it used to be.

I can't trust you any more, Derek.

After everything I've said, you still went and used this house.

Look, it was there for one night

and I didn't know you were coming home, did I?

I'm not playing any more, Derek.

I can't have this. Not with Bianca coming home.

All right, I swear. No more hooky gear in the house.

It's not just the hooky gear, though, is it?

What about all the dodgy booze?

Yes.

Yes. Yes, exactly, I've heard everything today.

Police sniffing around, you robbing off of Lucy Beale...

No, that was just reclaiming the debt, OK? That was just business.

-And you threatened her.

-Threatened her? What am I going to threaten a little girl for? Please!

-That's not what I've been told.

-Oh yeah, who by?

Everywhere I've been today, every single person I've spoken to

-has not had a good word to say about you.

-Like who?

And I can't believe you're going off about this best man stuff.

Oh right, I see.

Well, I should be the best man because I'm the oldest. It's my right.

Even Joey's back on the scene

and evidently doesn't want anything to do with you.

That's just small steps, but Alice is here. You'll like Alice.

Have you met Alice yet? She loves me, Alice.

You can't keep doing this,

winding everybody up, doing dodgy deals!

Oh, Carol, look. Please.

I don't want to wind you up.

I could do without the grief, believe me. It's just that...

-It's what I am.

-What's that?

-It's what I do.

-Being selfish, thinking of yourself?

Do you know what the Old Bill would do to Bianca

if they found all this here?

No. You just think about yourself, Derek. Stuff everyone.

Stuff me and the kids.

Fine.

I was, er, just going to pop over and see you.

Well, here I am.

So?

I don't know, Phil. You tell me.

You're still all right with everything, ain't you?

-OK to help Lola?

-Yeah.

This is the same Lola I just spoke to, who hadn't got a clue what was going on?

I didn't want to tell her anything until I got it sorted - to get her hopes up.

You told me that you put my name on that form

-because of how upset she was that Ian pulled out.

-She IS upset.

She didn't know about any of it, Phil!

You know this is not about Lola, this is about you.

It's always about you.

She wanted me to help get her kid back, didn't she?

-She'll have to do it on her own, because I'm out.

-Sharon...

-I mean it, Phil. Now, you call the social,

you get my name off that application form or I will.

Because do you know what, Phil?

THAT is the right thing to do.

DOOR SLAMS

Well that was lovely, angel, thank you.

See? On their best behaviour now you're back.

-Oi! I do my share.

-No, you don't!

Oi, oi, oi. No smashing plates, please.

-Here, I'll do that.

-Ain't she a treasure?

Go on, Liam, do your bit.

That's what I like to see - a bit of family team spirit.

And I mean it, Derek. You keep this place free of your stuff.

You do not put Bianca at risk.

Anything to make you happy.

Your last chance.

Right, what say I go and pick Tiff and Morgan up from Ray's,

and we all go out for a nice little

ritzy bit of pudding somewhere, eh?

My treat. Maybe a snifter or two for the more mature ones?

-Sounds like a plan.

-Right.

Good. Then I shall be back in a jiffy.

THEY LAUGH

Who rattled your cage?

-Rocky!

-ROXY LAUGHS

Someone's got a bit of tension to work off, is married life that good?

It's fine.

-All right, could be better. Happy now?

-Yes.

OK, I want you and Sy to come to the Vic tonight.

Because Kat and Alfie are insisting on having a Halloween party.

There's going to be themed cocktails,

"Thriller" on loop all night and a prize for best costume.

-You can bring Yas, come on.

-She's got her birthday party at nursery,

-so I'm sure she'll be too tired.

-Oh, come on!

Well, I suppose Mas is looking after her later.

All the more reason for you to do something nice with just Syed. Think about it?

I'll think about it.

You and him are going to be fine.

OK? He wouldn't have said "I do" if...

Well, he didn't.

-That's terrible.

-I know.

-I'll see you soon.

-See you.

PHONE BLEEPS

-Toast do you, love?

-Whatever.

Luce, Bob wants you

to fix a button on his Halloween costume or something.

He can wait. You wouldn't be able to take the afternoon off, would you?

The bank's relationship manager called

last night and asked to discuss "ongoing business arrangements".

-And I would feel so much better if you're there.

-Right, well,

I can't let Max down, can I? You'll be fine -

you know your stuff.

-We can do something tonight. Hmm?

-OK.

-We could see what Fats is up to, or see who else is about.

-Like Whitney?

All right.

How about we just keep it between me and you then, eh?

See you later on. Bye.

If you're...

If you're worried about the meeting, maybe I could help?

I'm not worried.

Right, so you've done projections for the next six months then?

Course. I have everything under control. I don't need you, Dad.

All right.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Phil!

Phil!

Phil!

So I'm thinking two for one for zombies and witches,

we'll get toffee apples in for the trick or treaters.

Have you thought this through? This isn't going to scare any one.

We have done this before, you know!

Sorry, I'm a bit tired. Tommy kept me up all night.

Yeah, he's not sleeping in his own room.

-Every time we put him down he cries.

-That's what happens when you leave them in with you too long.

Amy was well sleeping through by that point.

-Thanks, Supernanny, we'll learn.

-Whoa, whoa. Hold on, can we get back to Halloween?

It gives me great pleasure now to introduce

for the first time our very... Is he ready?

Yeah. Our very own ghost hunter...

the one and only...Fat Boy!

Look at this, eh?

What is going on, ghost hunters?

So, do you want to know about Walford's most haunted houses,

or most gruesome murder mysteries? Well, Fats has got the story

on E20's most grisly and gruesome, spookiest spooks!

How good is that, eh?

See, for a small fee, he'll take people round Walford,

give them some, like, you know, made-up ghost stories.

They'll all be scared and want to come in here

-and drown their sorrows and have a drink.

-Is it going to be morbid?

-You getting scared?

-Yeah, right, no!

-I've already signed some people up.

Look, look, got them all interested, look.

-Look at that, see. Well done, buddy.

-Show me.

Fine, fine. All right, fine.

Have you sorted the prizes for the costume competition?

Yeah. Tickets to London Dungeons for the kids and a bottle of fizz

-for the grown-ups.

-Well, you might as well hand that over to me now.

Because no-one out-does Kimberley Fox when it comes to fancy dress.

Well, she does wear it most days.

Just cos you don't have my flair and imagination.

-Yes, I have plenty of imagination.

-Yes, you do.

-I-I would imagine.

-Yeah.

My costume's going to blow your costume right out of the water.

Oh yeah? Well, come on then!

I don't know what she's having, but I want some!

ALL LAUGH

CAROL: I don't know why we should waste our money buying costumes.

-My kids made do with sheets.

-That's not even scary.

Come on, Nan, they'll look rubbish in those compared to everyone else.

-Please! They'll run out soon.

-Pleeease!

-Oh, all right.

-Yes!

-Cheers, mate.

-Listen, I need two.

Can you give me a discount on that?

-SY:

-It just sounds a bit tacky, that's all.

Where's your sense of humour gone?

About time we had a night out.

We haven't had that much fun since the wedding.

Yeah, it's just with things the way they are -

Mum gone, me unemployed and in the doghouse.

I know, but that doesn't mean

we shouldn't spend quality time together.

Ha-ha, your favourite!

I suppose a few hours won't hurt.

A duck!

A duck. I'll see you later.

-See you.

-See you.

-Thank you.

-Be a good girl for daddy.

-Bye.

-Bye.

Why haven't you been answering my calls?

-Because I've been out on a job.

-Well, I saw Sharon yesterday,

-she said about being on the residency application. What did she mean?

-I don't know.

She must've meant something. Is everything all right with Lexi?

Phil, if something's changed I've got the right to know.

You're being paranoid, OK.

Now, if you don't mind, I've got work to do.

Yeah, the thing is, Marie, it's swamped in here.

No, if he has mumps, of course you should stay with him.

OK, I can manage.

One minute, sorry.

Thank you.

You should move those. Someone could trip and break something

and where there's a blame, there is a claim!

Thanks for the advice.

Oh. Been shopping yet?

Oh, sorry, forgot you don't have to try hard to look scary.

You won't be so cocky later when I'm sipping my champagne.

Oh, Lucy, just to warn you,

there's a PC in the area lecturing all the local businesses

about how to spot those counterfeit notes doing the rounds.

Took me ages to get him out the Minute Mart.

He's in the launderette, so he'll probably come to you next.

-So, is he fit?

-Hmm.

INTERCOM BEEPS

SY SIGHS

BEEPING STOPS

If you forget these one more time...

What will you do to me?

-What do you want?

-You know what I want - my money.

Well, I can't give you what I don't have.

-I'm broke, my family's broke.

-What if I was a bank, Syed?

I wouldn't let it go then, would I?

-I'd be seizing your assets.

-Yeah, well, good luck with that,

cos everything worth taking is already gone.

Oh, I don't know, you might be able to offer me something.

I will raise your cash somehow.

Anything to get you out of my life.

Well, until you do, you'll be hearing from me, all right?

Gotcha!

Listen, how about me and you

sneaking upstairs to our kiddie-free bedroom, eh?

-Come on, only be gone ten minutes.

-Ten minutes? That sets a new record.

It obviously includes the shower!

-Not interrupting anything, am I?

-All right, darling.

-All right, Carol. What can I get you?

-You haven't got any bar work going?

Sorry, no vacancies.

Sorry, it's not my decision.

-Roxy's in charge now.

-Since when?

It's a long story.

-Syed's mate, Danny, right?

-You've got a good memory.

Well, I never forget a pretty face. What can I get you?

-I'll have a pint, please.

-OK.

What brings you back to Walford? Catching up with Syed?

Yeah, something like that.

Can't have Christian monopolising his time just cos they're married.

-How is Christian?

-He's good, he's good.

-He'll be in later.

-I can't hang around.

-Say hello to him for me.

-Yeah.

Take it there's been no more trouble in paradise?

Yeah, Lauren, what you said the other day,

about...about Lucy - you were right.

I ain't been fair, stringing her along like this.

So what you going to do?

End it.

What? No, I never said you should do that.

Joey, you can't just dump her!

No, look, Lauren, it's too late, all right.

Decision's been made.

We're taking Oscar trick or treating later, he'd love it if you came.

No, I'm not in the mood.

Look, if Phil said "Everything will be all right"

then I'm sure it will be.

He'll be doing everything he can to get Lexi back, won't he?

-Suppose.

-I'm sure she'll be back

with you where she belongs before you know it.

Yeah, and then you'll be taking her trick or treating.

-So this could be good practice.

-Mmm.

Do you think it's too late for us to pick up some costumes?

You've changed your tune.

I'm just trying to get into the spirit of things,

-is there anything wrong with that?

-No, I like it.

You two seem to be getting on OK to me.

Seeing his mate must've cheered him up. Was it Danny?

He said to say hi to you.

-Danny was here?

-Yeah.

Then once we've been to the War Memorial,

we'll be back here for our grand finale.

Where it has been said that that Queen Vic bust has moved

from one side of the bar to the other, all by itself.

But more of that later. Any questions?

-No? Then let's go...

-Actually, I've got some questions, Fats.

Why's the time of this tour been brought forward?

Isn't it a bit more, like, atmospheric in the dark?

Or...or is it too scary?

Huh, huh? Plus you don't want to miss out

on the party action that's going on in here.

You know, the fancy dress and that.

OK, so, have experts actually confirmed any supernatural presence

-in any of the places you're taking us?

-Yeah.

Of...of course. The guy...

the medium guy from the TV...

Derek Anaconda has confirmed it as a hotspot.

So, let's go...come on.

Let's go, ghosts and ghouls.

Let's get out of here.

OK, let's go...

What?

I'm sorry but I can't give you anything.

This is a business, not a sweet shop.

You're sounding more like Ian every day. Come on, kids.

Oh, hi.

So where did this meeting take place exactly?

It wasn't a meeting - he just showed up here.

So he was here in this house

and you didn't think that worth mentioning to me?

Because I knew you'd react like this.

Why didn't you tell me that you still owed him money?

-On top of everything else? I was embarrassed.

-We said "No more lying", Sy!

I know and I'm sorry, but...

I thought he'd get bored. I thought he'd get bored, drop it.

Where the hell are we supposed to find more cash from?

It's not even about that.

With Danny it's all about the power games,

I think that's what he gets off on.

So when he was here, what happened?

He tried winding me up, I didn't rise to it.

Nothing else happened, if that's what's you're thinking.

-I wasn't.

-The best thing we can do is ignore him.

Look, he'll lose interest.

Let's just go back to this party at the Vic.

"United front", like you said.

We're married.

It's time we started to act like it, agreed?

Agreed.

Again, I'm so, so sorry.

Look, here's your cash back

and if you want to send us the dry-cleaning bill then...

Oh, Luce, don't let him do this to you.

What?

Joey. If he doesn't want you then he's an idiot, isn't he?

There's plenty more fish in the sea and all that.

Maybe we could go for a drink later or something? If you want?

Joey wants to break up with me?

Oh. I-I...I don't know.

-I could've easily got that wrong, Lucy. I...

-Just go.

PHONE BEEPS

Oh, look at you, girl.

You weren't joking about going all-out, were you?

KIM SHRIEKS

Get a grip.

The important thing - the tills are ringing

and Fats'll be back with the ghost walkers soon.

Here we go, one for you, one for you, one for you.

See you later, kids. Bye.

Here you are.

-Oh, no, thanks.

-Yeah, no.

What? You two are such wusses.

Right, let's go see what we can get down the Minute Mart, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Come on then.

-Just follow you, yeah?

-Follow me.

-Ready?

-All right.

THIS is very spot

of Jack The Ripper's first grisly murder.

And that, my friends, concludes our tour.

If you'd like to follow me into the Vic,

where reasonably priced refreshments await...

-I don't remember any Jack The Ripper murder victims being found round here.

-Well, yeah...

That's because it's one of his very, very first, lesser-known crimes.

You know, before he got X Factor famous.

We've barely covered the more recent murders around Walford.

One of my clients at the salon says the Vic's been haunted for years.

Get this, at least two of the landlords

have been murdered in there.

One was buried in the cellar and the current manager's dad

was bludgeoned to death at Christmas a few years ago.

Yeah, but that doesn't make it a bad place to drink.

It's a great place to drink, you see? Those ghosts,

they've probably come to peace with their fate. Yeah,

-they're probably gone, so...

-Does that mean Heather's flat is still haunted?

-What?

She only died a few months ago. She hasn't had time to make peace.

She's right, you know, that is so sad.

I bet she still roams round her old place, lost and alone,

calling for George.

-Is that true?

-No, of course not!

No, there's no such things as ghosts.

But it is Halloween!

-Don't encourage them, Liam.

-Well, well, well,

why don't we continue this conversation inside the Vic, hey?

That is of course after we visit the very famous,

the very haunted car lot.

You see, where it is rumoured a person died in a fire.

Yes, very true.

It's a very long tale so follow me, I shall tell you.

See, before we get there...

I came as quick as I could. What's wrong?

I need some advice.

OK, right, so what is it?

Current profits, future projections...?

Something else?

-No, no, this is important.

-OK.

What you need to remember, OK,

is even if your profits are going down, all our businesses...

all YOUR businesses, OK, they have the potential to make money.

Now, banks, they like money, therefore they like you.

Roxy's going to kill us for not dressing up, you know!

PHONE BEEPS

-FATS:

-If you continue to follow me this way...

I don't know how he gets away with that nonsense.

Still, it's harmless enough, I suppose.

These two have got the right idea.

Listen, how about we check out this party in the pub?

They're bound to have some sweets in here.

-Come on, Kat and Alfie won't bite.

-Come on, Tiff.

-What you doing?

-Seems to be going well.

-That's cos I'm running the show, isn't it?

I'm going to give her a slap if she's not careful.

-Oi, violence isn't the answer, all right?

-Ooh!

I was wrong about Kat and Alfie. They might bite you after all!

What is the matter with you two all of a sudden? I'm joking.

What are you doing with my kids?

That isn't...

-Oi, oi!

-Take them off.

I'm so sorry, I thought they were my...

Are you all right, sweetheart?

No, I've lost Tiff and Morgan!

I'll be back.

All right? Where's Christian?

He had to go back to the gym on some emergency, he won't be long.

Sorry, lads, for the inconvenience,

but we gotta do some maintenance work.

-See you tomorrow.

-Take care.

-Yeah, take it easy.

What's the matter?

You expecting someone else?

-Thanks for coming.

-Thank you.

Well?

He's looking forward to help me build on the Beale empire.

Hee-hee, well done.

-Thanks for what you did.

-No, you did it, Lucy, not me.

PHONE BEEPS

Erm...

Joey's heading home in a bit.

He wants to know if it'll just be the two of us.

Bobby's at the school Halloween party

for another couple of hours, OK? I'll go park myself in the Vic,

so you two can have the place to yourself

until I pick him up, all right?

Dad, did you ever regret trying so hard with Mum,

even when you knew it was over?

Nah.

Look...

I might've been a bit of an idiot, but...

I just didn't want it to end, OK?

Look, I'm really good at business, right?

But when it comes to romantic relationships, I am rubbish.

We both know that and thank heavens, right,

you're not me.

If you want me I'll be in the Vic, all right.

OK, ladies and gentlemen, if you come through to the...bar,

where cocktails are two for one.

So enjoy, enjoy, come through.

Kim, darling, you wouldn't get the drinks in for us, would you?

What? Proper fancy dress, getting the rounds in -

-I'm liking the new and improved Denise more and more.

-Yeah.

Mmm-mmm, look at you! Look at you!

You are like cocoa butter for the body...

-Not here!

-What?

Don't you think it's time we stopped all this sneaking around

and just go public with it?

I know how I'm feeling - I'm feeling the vibe

and I kind of want to share those good vibes...

Or not, um, if you're not ready.

-Forget it...

-Arthur.

You know that...

we can never be a PROPER item?

-Yeah, but, you know...

-No, you're too young...

for me to get serious with.

I'm sorry, I should never have led you on.

So how about we just end things now,

on good terms? Yeah?

-Or, what if...?

-No, no what ifs.

Let's just keep it as a LOVELY memory.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

-There's no sign on Turpin Road.

-Why don't we try the allotments?

How could I let this happen?

There's loads of kids in skeleton outfits right now.

They must be really scared, it's Halloween. Where've they got to?

I think I know where they are.

Liam?

No calls, no texts and you stay away from our home,

-do you understand me?

-I'm quite disappointed in Syed,

sending his Muscle Mary to do his dirty work.

He didn't.

I just thought you should be reminded that you are not welcome round here.

Now you will get your money when we have it.

Until then, you stay away.

-Do I really threaten you that much?

-Please!

I must do, going behind Syed's back to warn me off.

It's quite sad really...

an ageing old queen so desperate to hang onto his pretty boy

that he'll do anything to scare off the competition.

Competition? You kissed(!)

Hardly makes you the romance of the century.

Is that what he told you it was?

A kiss?

Oh, it was more than that, much more.

Why did you come here?

-We wanted to talk to Heather's ghost.

-Sorry.

Listen, you take them straight home!

-I'm going to have a big brandy.

-This one's on the house.

You can say it as many times as you like, that doesn't make it true.

Did you ever wonder why Syed looked elsewhere?

He must have been so bored with his life.

You don't know anything about him.

And you do?

You want a homebody.

Syed's not like that - he's a high-flyer, a gambler.

Why else do you think he took a risk on me?

Or maybe he wanted to get caught.

You ever thought about that?

This conversation...

..is over.

If he comes calling again, I won't say no

and it's only a matter of time before he does.

You may have been able to guilt Syed into marriage

but you can't force him

to like your cosy, boring, little life that you lead.

He'll always be looking over your shoulder, wanting more.

And if it isn't me that'll give it to him, it's someone else.

What's all this?

Helping you leave. That's what you wanted, isn't it?

Not like this, Lucy.

Then how?

Look, we were never meant to be a big thing, all right?

Look, I didn't make any promises.

I know, I was just someone to bunk with.

That was fine for a while, but that's not enough for me any more.

Right, well, I should go.

Maybe it doesn't matter...

that only one of us feels it.

Maybe that is enough?

You know it don't work like that, Luce.

-If Bianca was here, she'd kill me!

-We all make mistakes, Carol.

Anybody who claims to be a perfect parent is either deluded or lying.

You've changed a bit while I've been away.

You don't know the half of it.

Here, Denise, there's your Halloween match, you gotta make a move.

He's a total stranger.

I thought you was starting to mix it up a bit, get a bit crazy.

Eh? What happened to the new and improved Denise?

Well, few more of these.

Rome weren't built in a day, was it?

There you go, Fats, all yours, mate. Well done, proud of ya.

What's the matter, Fats?

What, me? Nothing, man!

I'm Fats, man, I'm never down, you know how I roll.

All right, look...

I was seeing this lady

and I thought it was going somewhere but it just didn't work out.

Oh, Fats.

-I suppose we can't all have vampire love that lasts forever, eh?

-Yeah.

Mmmm. So what have I done to deserve this, eh?

I can be nice to my husband, can't I?

You wait until I get you upstairs alone later.

-That's if we ever get Tommy to sleep through, darling.

-He will.

You and me are going to spend some quality time together, all right.

Things are going to work out, Alfie.

No, I can't get an answer either.

This is ridiculous.

Don't eat all them at once.

Ta! See ya.

So what do you want, then?

I put Sharon's name down on that residency order

because I thought it'd help with getting Lexi back.

You need to get real, Lola. Social services, they look at you,

they don't see a good, secure family unit.

Whereas if me and Sharon was together,

we said we was going to help with the baby then maybe they would.

All I'm trying to do is get the baby back - whatever it takes.

Yeah, I know, me too.

And I...I screwed up.

You know, relying on Sharon but that's my fault.

Not yours.

Wait, what we going to do now then?

You ain't got a clue, have you?

KIDS: Trick or treat?

Excuse me.

Christian?

SHE PRESSES BUZZER

Sharon!

Sharon!

SHE KNOCKS WINDOW Sharon!

Sharon!

-Ssh! I've got a kid sleeping back there.

-Oh, yeah?

Lucky you.

What's Phil told you?

You've got to tell one poxy little white lie and that's it.

There's nothing poxy about it.

This isn't some little white lie to spare someone's feelings.

No, you don't actually have to marry Phil, you do know that, right?

It's not that.

Well, what is it, then?

I'd be interfering with the system that's there to help people, Lola.

You can't actually believe that, right? No, you can't.

You don't look that stupid.

-Well, the system worked for me.

-Oh, yeah?

When was the last time you had your kid taken away, eh?

I was the kid.

I was adopted.

And they weren't perfect but I wouldn't change my mum and dad for the world.

Did you ever find your real mum?

Oh, what was it, you found her.

-she didn't want to know you, is that it?

-We're not talking about me.

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying!

Just cos your mum was like that, it doesn't mean I am.

Please, Sharon.

I know exactly what it's like growing up in care, you know.

You feel like you're not wanted and you're not loved.

But that's not my Lexi. It's not fair.

You start lying now, Lola, you'll make things worse.

Worse? How much more worse can things get?!

What has happened to you?!

Walked into a lamppost. You know me, clumsy.

-But you're OK though?

-Nothing I can't handle.

However, if I don't eat in the next ten minutes...

-Two egg rolls, two teas please, Lucy.

-I'll bring them over.

Thanks, poppet.

-You don't have to lie. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

-Sy...

Please, just let me call the police.

They came at me from behind, I didn't even see their faces.

What will the police do except create a whole load of hassle?

They used homophobic language. That makes it a hate crime, doesn't it?

I just want to sit here and eat my breakfast in peace, all right?

Pops! Pops!

-Pops!

-What d'you do that for?

-Cos you're doing my head in.

-You could give me a hand?

I'm trying to make a good impression for when Lexi gets here.

How many times must I tell you? It don't matter how clean

-this place is. We ain't getting her back.

-Listen to me, that little girl is coming home.

Last thing she needs is you giving up on her.

And I told you, we don't even need Sharon!

I don't know what the matter is with you two.

All the years you've been friends. I thought

-you'd have grown out of all of this by now.

-Mum, just leave it.

Friendship matters, Lauren.

One of you has got to make the first move, haven't you?

So what that I've got no mates? No money, no job.

-No boyfriend, no nothing.

-Oh dear, oh, poor Lauren.

You do not know what it's like

to be the family loser in one like ours. You don't.

I've left Oscar with my mother so that you and I could come here,

have a nice little muffin and a coffee.

The least you can do is crack a little smile for me.

Oh, come on! I did not raise my daughter to sit on her backside whingeing when life gets hard.

Cos life is hard, Lauren. You just gotta give as good as you can get.

OK, well, maybe I could invite her out for a drink or something.

That's my girl. And look, you're not the family loser

so you can put that one out your head.

Morning, gorgeous.

What's up? You made it sound like an emergency or something.

I just thought you wouldn't want to spend the best day of your life

-lounging about in bed all day.

-The best day of my life?

Yeah, we've got two days till you go on your trip

and I got big plans intended for us, baby.

-Thanks for doing this.

-That's all right.

Didn't really fancy another night in there, to be honest.

It's only a house full of stroppy women, don't thank me just yet.

Well, well, well,

don't you two look a sight for sore eyes this early in the morning.

What's this, collecting for the charity shop, are you?

I ain't got time for this now.

Ah, but you've got time to escort laughing boy here

across the Square with his meagre belongings?

You finally decided to sling your hook for pastures new, have you?

If pastures new is the office floor. Mind you, I'm surprised at you, Joey.

Don't you know a few birds that could offer you their bed?

Too much commitment for me, mate.

Anyway, why'd I want to be with some bird

when I could be with family, eh? Ain't that right, Uncle Max?

Oh, well. That's very generous of you.

-"Uncle Max".

-Del, he needs somewhere to stay, all right?

-What am I supposed to do?

-Don't let me interfere.

Well, go on then, you two toddle off.

Come on, Joey.

Place is going to sparkle with this lot! Lola?

Lo, darling?

Look, I know we're up against it here, I really do,

but we've got to keep our chin up, haven't we?

Stay positive. For Lexi's sake, yeah?

Lo?

Oh, someone going on holiday?

Sorry about that, I wasn't sure which room to put it in.

Room?!

Dad!

I really didn't mean to spring this on you, Tanya. Uncle Max didn't think you'd mind.

Oh right, how long did he think I wouldn't mind for?

No. No, no, no. He is not staying here!

I don't know, a few days, week, maybe?

Look, I'll fix that leaky tap in the kitchen a bit later on.

Dad!

-All right, Lauren, keep your hair on.

-What are you...?

You cannot just invite people to live in our house without asking us!

It ain't just people. It's Joey, he's family.

Yeah, well, Uncle Derek's going to go mad, you do know that?

-Why don't you take Oscar's room, he can come in with us for a bit.

-Mum!

No, your dad's right, he's family.

And I have got a long list of things that need doing round here.

I'm more than happy to help you.

Somebody's got the hump with you.

Right, come on, let's get you settled.

I'm telling you, Kat, I don't know why I bother with it sometimes.

This is him. "A full English should have at least one sausage,

"preferably two sausages."

I mean, do me a favour, it's like I'd served them

a severed head on a plate.

I should put up my prices with the amount of grief I'm getting.

I'll tell you about grief. Tommy's had me up all night.

-You need a drink, come on.

-Where are you going?

What sort of friend would I be to let you drink alone? Come on.

All right? Do you fancy going somewhere?

Like where?

I don't know. West End. Down the arcade. Anywhere.

Well, we're going down the park later, if you fancy it?

What, a few mouldy sandwiches and a fizzy drink? No, you're all right.

Excuse me, it's going to be amazing.

I want to treat this one like a princess while I've got her.

-And you don't need piggy in the middle. I get it.

-Did I say that?

Yeah, come on, we've got plenty of food. It'll be a laugh.

Watching you two snog each others faces off?

No, that ain't my idea of fun.

Cheers.

Cheers.

All right, Max?

All right, Del? You want to join me and Joey for a coffee?

No thanks. Whisky please, Kat.

Del, things ain't going to get better between you if you don't put the effort in.

-Who says I'm interested?

-Do me a favour!

Cheers. Do you want to join us or not?

Why should I have a drink with someone who doesn't show me the respect to call me father, eh?

You're Uncle Max, me - I'm just Derek.

Del, you left him, all right?

It's up to you to show him you want to spend time with him.

-It was the same for me and Bradley.

-Time. It's that easy, is it?

No, it ain't easy, no. But I know something, Del,

you don't always get as much time as you think.

-You seen Lola?

-No.

I've got the social coming round in a bit with Lexi and

-she's gone walkabout.

-You better go and find her then.

What do you think I'm doing, Phil? She's in bits.

She thinks she's going to lose Lexi for good.

Billy, go and get Lola back here.

Otherwise that straw we're clutching at

won't be around for much longer, will it?

-Another OJ when you're ready, Rox?

-Syed, Lucy popped in before,

she said Christian's been in the wars.

I've been waiting for it to die down so I can nip over

-and check on him.

-Physically, it's not serious.

-Why, what's the matter?

-He ran into some homophobes outside Bashers last night.

-What did the old bill say?

-He won't let me call.

-It took me all night to get him to tell me what happened.

-Why don't you let me talk to him?

You sure you're not needed here?

Nah, got to be some perks to being manageress, haven't there?

Oi! Where'd you think you're going?

The only thing you're managing is making my life a misery!

Phil Mitchell's got a lot to answer for, landing me with that dozy mare.

The key to running a successful business, Kathleen,

is understanding and accepting that your life is no longer your own.

You are a mere instrument,

and your purpose is to pleasure your customers.

Well, at least the fit ones anyway.

-Kim, what is the matter with you?

-From the B&B.

I guess they got sick of waiting for their full English.

Oh, yes, very nice.

Something special for the lady in your life, Liam?

Just thought it'd be a good coming home present for my Mum, but...

-Oh, no, no, no. How much, Harry?

-Give us a squid.

Here, take a tenner, and a bag and all, look.

There we go.

I think she'll be very impressed with that when she gets home.

It's just, I've only got my job back this morning -

don't know when I'll be able to pay you back.

Don't you worry about that.

As it happens, I've got an idea how you could pay me back

without it costing you a penny.

You might be less angry

if there was a chance of those thugs getting caught.

I can handle it.

Should you even be working out? Look at the state of you.

-I'm fine, Rox.

-Yeah?

What about the next gay bloke that wanders out of here

-at the wrong time, what about him?

-Just leave it, please.

You should know better than anyone, Christian,

that if you don't report this it's just going to happen again

and nothing is ever going to change. What's the matter with you?!

Honestly?

I'm just tired.

Oi, look at me.

Look at me.

I'm your best friend.

Talk to me.

I've taken a beating before, there's nothing new in that.

I've never felt like I could lose everything

and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

What do you mean, lose everything? Oi! You've got me, haven't you?

And you got Syed. You two are rock solid.

You are telling me everything, aren't you?

Like I said, I'm just tired.

Come here, it's OK.

Thank you very much. Good boy, see you later.

Oi, what was all that about?

It's all right, it's just a little business transaction.

-That's granddad's watch?

-He was fully compensated.

-It's not about the...

-It's for Joey.

See the one thing I never gave him was time.

And now I've got plenty of it.

Once he understands that then he'll be my boy again, won't he?

Kat, you haven't seen Lola, have you?

No, I ain't. Sorry.

It's a wonder I've kept that place going as long as I have, you know.

What's the matter with me, Kat? I'm not running a B&B.

It's just a B.

Give that gob a rest moaning, will you?

If Phil Mitchell can run a business with one lonely brain cell,

-I'm sure you can.

-Can I?

You're Kim Fox! There ain't nothing you can't do!

I'm Kim Fox. There's nothing I can't do.

Yeah, nothing...

-I'll get that sorted.

-Thank you very much. Cheers.

What's this? Max not keeping you busy enough?

No, I'm just getting myself a bit of lunch.