05/10/2012 EastEnders Omnibus

-Oh, very nice!

-Yeah, it'll do, won't it?

Phil Mitchell Interiors.

Got a nice ring to it, innit?

Nah, it's all thanks to you.

I think I'll stick to motors and pubs.

Probably should.

-So, what now?

-What do you mean?

-Well, now you've got this place sorted.

-Well, it's a fresh start tonight, ain't it?

I'm back in business, I want everyone to know about it.

You might need to give people a bit of time to get used to that, Phil.

No, no! I've got a load of extra booze in, it goes tonight.

Just don't try and run before you can walk.

-You'll be there, won't you?

-Of course.

Oh, go on.

When was the last time we really enjoyed ourselves going out, eh? Just you and me?

Babe, it's just time, innit?

Things are still a bit tricky over the car lot.

-So you keep telling me.

-I'm working a lot of hours, ain't I?

If it was important to you, you'd make time.

Babe, it is important.

It's just words. It means nothing.

I'll tell you what, leave it to me

-and I'll sort something out for tonight.

-Will you?

-Yes. Promise.

Better get back. See you later.

-Get a proper grips on it, Fats.

-I'm trying, brother. Go on, man.

That's all I need, a barman with a broken foot.

Sorry, Phil.

What you got in there, Phil?

-Come in later, you'll find out.

-Can't tonight. I'm busy.

-Busy doing what?

-Taking Tanya out.

Bring her in here. Got a big night on and a load of booze to shift.

No offence, I think she's expecting somewhere a bit more, you know.

Well, I would've thought a man in your position

would want to support his local boozer.

If you know what I mean.

Whoa! What's happened? Has there been a tsunami?

It's called "relaxed parenting."

How are you? What can I do for you?

I was just dropping Amy at nursery,

-so I thought I'd come and see if you're OK.

-I'm fine.

You sure? Because last week you kind of freaked me out a bit.

Yeah, yeah. Your concern's touching, Rox, but it's unnecessary.

We're good now.

On a nice routine.

She's just a good girl, aren't you?

-Good girl.

-OK.

-Running like clockwork.

-Good.

But since you're here, you couldn't look after her for a couple of hours?

I need to dive out and meet that investor from last week.

He's got some money for me.

Oh, nice one! I thought you'd properly blown that.

-But no, sorry, I can't help you.

-Why?

-Cos I've got a shift at the Vic.

Ah!

Why don't I come round later and help you tidy this lot up, yeah?

Nah, not necessary, all under control.

But I do need to make alternative arrangements, so...

-OK. All right.

-Thanks for coming by.

-I couldn't exactly say no to Phil, could I?

-Why not?

Well, I just couldn't. Anyway, it'll be all right.

Tanya's been on to me about doing something together.

A night out, keep her sweet, won't it?

-What, the Vic?

-Uh-huh.

-You certainly know how to treat a lady, don't you?

-Don't start.

-He's been on a right mission about tonight.

-He was on to Sharon about it, and all.

-You two going, and all, yeah?

-Sounds like it.

-Going where?

-Oh, nowhere.

-Didn't sound like nowhere to me.

Phil's got a big night at the Vic tonight.

-Lovely. What time?

-It's more of a couples' thing, Del.

-There's me thinking you'd want your big brother along.

-Yeah, course, but you know.

With me looking after your interests.

-What you on about now?

-You've not got a bird to bring, have you?

I'll come on my own. Spend some time with the family.

You must know someone to go with him, do you?

If I wanted to bring a bird, which I don't,

-I'd find one myself. Judging by his latest squeeze, I'd be better off, and all.

-Oi, shut your mouth, Derek.

Phil Mitchell's cast-offs! You should be ashamed of yourself.

-I won't say it again.

-We'll say seven o'clock, shall we?

I look forward to it.

What's he on about?

Protecting your interests?

Tanya, it's going to do her nut.

I've got a load of booze out there and it's taking up space.

We are going to have a load of people in here tonight.

-What?

-Phil, it's lunchtime now and it's dead.

What's going to be so different tonight?

You know what? Maybe, all right, I could do some PR work.

You know, like in Ibiza. Getting the crowds in, and that.

-Don't worry. I'll take care of all that.

-Sure?

-Why wouldn't I be?

Listen, Phil. I might as well go home early.

-I've got to meet those funders in the gym this afternoon.

-You stay here until I say otherwise.

Fair enough.

Oi. If you want this thing to work tonight,

you might want to try being a little bit nicer to people, yeah?

All right? I need a favour.

Er, OK.

-Whitney's away.

-I know that.

And I've got a really important meeting.

No. No way. I can't.

Please? Only for a couple of hours.

-No. I'm meant to be going out.

-Where?

No, I am not staying cooped up in here all day

with somebody else's kid.

40 sheets, Lauren.

Excellent. Keys. Take her out somewhere nice.

Get yourself something nice.

And just bring her back to my place, yeah?

Thank you.

He's got a flaming cheek, talking about Sharon like that.

Jack, can you just ignore him? You know what he's like.

Can you sort him out a date, or not?

Don't tell me you threw out your little black book.

Max, people use their phones for that nowadays.

Anyway, he doesn't want a date, does he?

Well, if he's coming tonight, he's going to need one.

Tell you, Tanya's going to be in a right hump

if he's sat there playing gooseberry.

Actually, yeah. Come to think of it, I do know someone.

Yeah? She better be a sort. I don't need Derek sat there in a mood all night.

She's a stunner, this one.

-She only started coughing yesterday.

-Has she seen a doctor?

-I called, but I couldn't get an appointment.

Did you tell them it was for Lexi?

No. I just said, can I have an appointment and they said they were full.

Look, I know what she's like. It's just a little cough.

Didn't think it was a big deal.

What's that smell? Is it bleach?

Bleach? Oh, that! Yeah.

You can never keep the place too clean when you got a baby. That's what I always say.

-Hello, girls.

-Pops! You're back!

-All right?

I just came to collect my things.

I guess you won't be needing me any more.

-Cheers, Patrick.

-That's all right.

So, everything all right?

For now, anyway. I'm just leaving.

Sorry I missed you. But I'm back now.

So if there's anything that you need to...

I'm sure I'll see you soon enough.

OK.

-Bye.

-Bye.

All right?

Yeah. How were the kids?

Brilliant. Knackered me out, though.

Mind you, I don't look as tired as you do.

Oh, thanks. You know how to make a girl feel special, don't you?

Actually, I've been grafting while you've been away. Lot of cleaning jobs.

Check me pocket. All that cash.

In hand?

-I was going to declare it, but I just ain't had time.

-Got any work lined up today?

Nah. Abi and Jay are going to come round.

-Why don't you go out and meet them somewhere? I can have her.

-Really?

Yeah, yeah. Give yourself a day off.

Go and have some fun with your mates. Come on.

-Come here, darling, here we go.

-Too right, I will. Walford won't know what's hit it, will they?

Thank you.

Hello, my darling.

There you are. You got any party stuff over at the Minute Mart?

-Bunting and that sort of thing?

-What's the occasion?

Got a big night on at the Vic. I want the place to look nice.

You never struck me as the bunting type.

First time for everything, ain't there? What about you?

What about me?

Fancy a few drinks in the Vic tonight? First one on the house.

-Afraid not. I've got a family to look after.

-Fair enough.

I'll be over in a bit for that bunting, yeah?

Hopefully you can make it tonight, yeah?

Hm?

Wow. Someone's had a personality transplant.

Ah, now that's what I'm taking about.

Suited and booted for a high-powered meeting like this. Yes.

I felt better in the jeans, though. You sure this is all right?

Listen, this is more than all right.

It is off the hook, off the scale, off the hanger.

Babe, we're talking about Sport England, all right?

I need them to say yes.

Listen, they're going to say yes to anything you say,

dressed in this suit.

Who's going to say no to the black James Bond?

-I'm not sure if this is me.

-Nah, man, this is you.

Trust me.

If this goes wrong, you know...

Oh!

-Yeah, and...?

-Are you sure you're going to be all right?

I said so, didn't I? Go on, then.

-What you waiting for?

-Will you call me if her cough gets worse?

-Of course I will.

-Promise?

-I promise.

-Well, go on, then. What you waiting for?

-All right. Love you. See you.

Love you. Ta-da.

-Babe, you got a minute?

-Yeah.

-It's just about tonight.

Don't tell me. Something's come up.

-No, no, we're all set.

-Are we?

-Where we going?

-Well, I thought we'd stay local - couple of drinks in the Vic.

The... Seriously? Oh, great(!)

Well, bit of luck, it'll be even better than the last time we were in there.

No, Phil's got some big night on.

Why not go the whole hog, eh?

We'll have a candlelit dinner in McKlunky's.

Babe, don't be like that.

I think Jack and Sharon are going to be over there, as well.

-It gets better.

-Babe, it'll be a laugh. Family night out.

All right. I suppose so.

-There's one last thing.

-Mm?

-We were talking, and Derek came in, he overheard us...

-No! No way.

Jack and Sharon, fair enough. But I'm not having a night out with Derek.

Just relax, will you? It'll be fine. Jack's lining up a bird for him. He'll be distracted. It'll be fine.

I've got a job for you.

What's that?

Stick these up all over the Square.

Not entirely sure that's in my job description, mate.

Just do it. And you can have the night off, and all.

I don't think my bank balance likes the sound of that.

You'll get paid.

As long as you spread the word and make sure you're in the Vic tonight. Yeah?

Don't you think you should be asking me that first?

-I want to make sure it's busy in the Vic tonight.

-Phil.

-Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.

Talk about desperate, eh?

Beg your pardon?

Him and his poxy night at the Vic tonight.

He owns this place and you work here.

You'd do well to remember that, Joey.

Shouldn't you be out there putting them up?

Thank you.

-Kettle's boiled.

-Cheers.

Del, about earlier...

Yeah. Your lack of loyalty did surprise me somewhat.

Well, you're coming now, aren't you?

And Jack's going to line up a bird for you.

What?

It's a couples' thing, Del. I told you, didn't I?

Didn't think our family did couples' nights.

Well, we are tonight.

Just, Tanya... I just want to keep her happy.

To be honest, I just wish it was over and done with.

Well, if I wanted to take a bird, I'd have found one myself.

Fair enough.

Apparently, Jack's lined up a right stunner for you.

Yeah?

She does the cutest little thing with her mouth when she's sleeping.

Like this, like...

-Aw, that's so gorgeous.

-And when she first wakes up,

it's like she don't quite know where she is.

I get that sometimes.

And then she sees me, and it's like, her eyes just light up.

And she don't look at anyone else like that. Just me. Not even Pops.

What?

Change the record, will you?

You've wanted a day off for weeks.

Why don't you just enjoy your freedom?

As much as you can.

This bad boy comes off Friday.

So, what do you want to talk about, then?

Something less boring, like cars? Or maybe some boxing?

Talking about babies is fine, for the first few hours.

Oi.

My mum reckons men aren't like women.

I always said that woman was a genius.

When it comes to babies, I mean.

-Jay loves Lexi really, don't you?

-Yeah, course I do.

Yeah, she reckons men only really get close to kids

when they're older.

-Like when they can talk and that.

-Yeah. Some don't even do that.

-Can I help you?

-All right? I'm Chantelle. Is he with you?

Well, it looks like it, yeah.

You know what I mean.

-What's it got to do with you?

-My mate reckons you're fit.

Well, I reckon you should tell your mate he's got higher standards.

Who could blame her?

Have you sorted it out yet?

-Yeah, I said I would, didn't I?

-Are you sure she's all right?

Yes, she'll be fine. Trust me.

What you doing here?

What you talking about? It's my office, as well.

Lauren said you had a meeting up town.

-Oh, I'm just getting some paperwork.

-Why didn't you mention it?

It's that geezer from last week. Thought it'd be a nice surprise.

Hm.

What's all that lot about out there?

Oh, they're funders for the thing Ray's setting up.

-Yeah, people can't stop throwing money at us these days.

-Cheers.

-Nice one, mate.

-I'm going to go.

-Yeah, well, good luck.

Cheers. See you later.

See you later.

I never understood how you ended up in business with him.

He's all right.

He just needs a bit of help at the moment.

He does. He needs help, all right.

OK, so the plan is to get the kids in here,

then we'll boost their fitness and their confidence, at the same time.

And what made you want to set up a scheme like this?

You see, I was a PT Instructor in the army.

So, I know the value of discipline and hard work.

I want to pass that knowledge on.

With all due respect, I'm sure there are a lot of ex soldiers out there

who know all about discipline and hard work.

What makes you so different?

Ah... Mr... Do you mind if I call you Keith?

OK. You know what, a few weeks ago,

I was reminded of what it feels like to be judged.

You know, to feel completely powerless.

The kids that I want to bring in here,

I mean, these kids go through this every single day of their lives.

I just want to help them get some self respect.

Shut up!

You know what? I'm going to go find out what's so funny.

Just leave it, they're not worth the ag.

Maybe we should just go.

-Yeah, you're right. Cos Jay looks a little bit scared.

-I don't.

We won't let 'em hurt him. Will we?

No. You're right.

Maybe we should go. Today's about fun. And this ain't it, is it? Yeah?

Do you know what I reckon?

I reckon Jay should buy us a drink for saving him from them big nasty girls.

I'd love to, ladies, but I'm skint, I'm afraid.

I'm sure I can stretch to a couple of teas, now I'm a successful businesswoman, an' all that.

Oi-oi, fitty.

I can ask my dad to give you a job.

I'm sure he'll be able to find you some work.

Yeah, good luck with that.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine, let's just go.

How many people you reckon will come?

That's the problem with parties, you know -

knowing who's going to turn up.

Hey, maybe I can get the decks in.

Play some big tunes, get this place bubbling, you know.

And you know what would be a good idea?

If we done a little VIP area over here.

You know, just for friends and family.

Can you button it for two minutes?

Hey?

Sorry.

Is Derek really that bad?

Yeah. Just be careful with him. Yeah, he's a nasty piece of work.

I've handled worse before.

He gives me the creeps, you know?

No chance of completing the Branning set?

Oh, God, no!

Suppose you can't choose your families, eh?

You can choose your in-laws, though. But I didn't give it enough thought.

And if you had?

I probably would've done the same. Might have thought about emigrating to Australia.

You trying to warn me off the Branning clan or something?

No, of course not. Jack's a lovely bloke.

-Your loyalty's touching, Tanya.

-Anyway, Jack's lined up a date for Derek,

so, a bit of luck, he'll be too busy to bother with us, won't he?

Better hope she's got her wine goggles on.

Jack's bringing a girl, is he?

For Derek, obviously.

Yeah.

MUSIC: "You Lucky People You" by Frank Sinatra

# Then here's the green velvet landscape and to prove I'm no rogue

# I'll add a smart-looking rainbow like you see pictured in Vogue

# I've a wonderful buy in a wrap-around sky of moonlight blue

# And it's yours for a love song You lucky people you. #

MUSIC: "Everybody Changes" by Keane

-Are you waiting for somebody?

-No.

Can I get you anything else?

No, I'm fine. Thanks.

# And remember my name

# But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same. #

People are out for a good time tonight.

-I want smiles and fun.

-Phil, it's not Club 18-30.

I never said it was! People still want to have a good time, don't they?

-You all right, mate?

-All right, bruv?

Where's Derek?

I don't know. He said he'd be here, didn't he?

Max, this is Lisa. Lisa, this is Max.

Lovely to meet you.

-My other brother.

-Yeah, likewise.

Oh, that's my wife, Tanya. Tanya, Lisa.

Hi.

And that's Sharon.

Nice to meet you.

Right. Anyone for a drink?

Hm.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Hey. How did it go?

-You know what, I shouldn't have listened to you. It was a disaster.

-Really?

I couldn't relax in that suit.

I've just blown the whole thing, man.

-Funny, that!

-Funny how?

-You know you left your phone at my place?

-Yeah?

-Well, the guy just called.

-What, you answered my phone?

Relax, will you?

He said you should call him tomorrow.

Sounds quite promising.

He seems to think that the hoodies would relate to you, or something.

Wow!

You do realise that I need someone to relate to?

Yeah?

Preferably somebody in a nice suit on the other side

of a nice posh dinner table.

-I'm sure I can help you with that.

-Oh, really?

CRASHING

Sorry about that, but some of us have got work to do.

Here he is.

How do you do?

My name is Derek Branning.

Very pleased to meet you.

Hi.

You said a couple of hours.

I know, I know, I know, it just went on and on.

But it went like a dream. It was beautiful, start to finish.

This guy's a serious operator. Think I clinched it.

Well, you can give me an extra 20 quid, then, can't you?

OK, OK, fair enough.

Thank you.

This one's delighted to see her daddy back.

-I bet she is.

-See you later.

-See you.

-There you go.

-Cheers.

-Ta.

I'm glad we came, now. The entertainment's been first class so far.

Ray, mate.

What's going on? We ordered food ages ago.

-Come on, you can see how busy it is.

-You tell my stomach that, will you?

Just take it easy. I promise I'll be with you soon as I can.

How long's that going to be?

-Sorry about the delay. The food'll be right with you, won't it?

-Yeah.

Just something we need to do. And he'll have you sorted.

So, you've known Jack for a while, then?

A little while, yeah.

You haven't known him as long as I have.

I could tell you a story or two.

You can spill the beans when I get back from the little girls' room.

I certainly will.

-The little girls' room?

-That's what I thought!

Oi. You think that's funny, do you?

-Don't have a go at me, mate. He's the one that brought her.

-You're laughing at her!

-It was an accident.

-Don't you think I don't know what's going on either.

She's gorgeous, all right? Lighten up, will you?

-I think you make a lovely couple.

-When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it.

If I've got an opinion, I'll give you it, all right?

-Derek, Derek, calm down, mate.

-And you keep your advice to yourself, an' all.

-It's hardly Sharon's fault, is it?

-Just leave it. It's fine.

INCOMPREHENSIBLE BANTER

Can I have a bit of hush, please?

Can I have a bit of hush, please, everyone? Thanks.

The reason I've called you all here together tonight

was to put something back in its proper place.

So, here goes...

Hey!

LIGHT APPLAUSE

There's a free drink behind the bar for everyone.

APPLAUSE

Someone's pushing the boat out, ain't they?

-It's a tiny little boat, innit?

-Hm.

Like a canoe or something.

See you, I reckon you're getting too big for your boots, you.

-Oh, yeah? I reckon you're taking yourself a little bit too seriously.

-Oh, is that what you reckon, is it?

It's all right.

-I think it's about time someone taught you a lesson.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.

-You reckon you're capable?

-You know I'm capable.

Pack it in. Both of you.

APPLAUSE

-You OK?

-Yeah, why?

Just you're a whole 41 minutes early for your curfew.

Ha-ha-ha! You're so funny. How's she been?

She's been an absolute angel. Ain't you, eh?

Yes. How was your day?

Do you know what? I think freedom's a bit overrated.

Isn't it?

Yes. It's your mum back!

Has your mum come to see you? Has your mum come to see you?

-Listen, I'm going to call her a cab, yeah?

-OK.

You all right?

-Yeah, yeah. Fine.

-You done well, getting it so busy tonight. Peggy would have been proud.

That was good, you know.

The way you had us thinking that the surprise was that old thing

when you wanted everybody together to welcome back Kat and Alfie.

Phil, I like your style, brother.

Oh, man!

Maybe a Branning triple date was a little bit ambitious.

Yeah, maybe.

Funny, though, weren't it?

Well, still got time for dinner in McKlunky's, if you fancy it!

It is so good to have you home, brother.

-It's great to be back, Fats. Thanks, mate.

-Where's Jean?

Jean's at Wendy's. Don't worry about Jean. Tell me about fiesta time.

We had a wonderful time. Just what the doctor ordered. But now it's time for action.

Good, time to get this party started. Let's do this.

Phil, I just wanted to say, well, me and Kat want to say,

that we're genuinely sorry about leaving you in the lurch.

Well, as I was about to say before all the interruptions...

I'm back in charge of the Vic. For good.

Kat and Alfie - they don't work here any more.

ALARM CLOCK BEEPS

Oh, you're awake again, are you?! Do you not need to sleep?

BABY VOMITS

Come on!

You can't keep doing that.

You can't keep doing it, cos it's disgusting. And it's driving me mad.

Lauren, hi, it's Michael.

Yeah, how do you feel about earning some extra money again?

OK, yeah, yeah, that's cool. All right, bye.

(All right, all right, all right. Fine, fine, fine.)

Jack!

Hello, mate.

No, he can't just chuck you out like that.

He's got to give you at least a week's notice.

Anyway, how was the second honeymoon?

It was lovely, Jean. It was perfect. It was great.

D'you know any minute now my name's about to be taken off the top of this door?

Yeah, well, if you hadn't just run away like that, this wouldn't have happened.

Do you know how stressful it's been? Running the Vic? Looking after Phil?

Let alone deal with his sudden interest in decorating?

Oh! Hello. Your toaster broken, is it?

You know how I like to start the morning -

seeing my beautiful daughter.

-Dad, come on! You know Jay's good with cars.

-Yeah.

-I know he's good with an alibi an' all, don't mean I trust him.

-Dad!

He'd be bad for business, all right?

PHONE RINGS

Not Derek again! He's called about six times this morning!

-What does he want?

-An apology.

-Apparently we didn't treat him with enough respect.

-You're kidding?

-See you later.

See YOU next meal time.

You know what I like about Derek? Manners.

Should never underestimate good manners.

Squaring up to his brother in his local boozer?

Very well-mannered, Mum(!)

Families are for life, girl.

You want to learn how to get along with him.

Do I? Why?

What is it with you and Derek? This hate?

What is with you always sticking up for him?

He's like a Jack Russell.

Small. Bit yappy. Ultimately harmless.

Keep telling yourself that. Don't know the half of it.

Know what?

It's nothing. It's nothing.

What ain't you told me?

Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!

Mum, honestly, just... ignore me, it's nothing.

I'm not being funny but I've got my books to do, so...

I'll see you later.

-Tanya...

-Mum.

I'm a big girl.

Y'know, I still can't believe what he's done in there,

he's changed everything.

Like Phil Mitchell's gone all aqua.

HE SIGHS

It's like he's painted the life out of it.

This is all my fault.

If we hadn't have left, if I hadn't...

PHONE BEEPS

Pizza offer.

Why d'you delete it then?

I dunno. Sorry.

That was a PIZZA OFFER.

It wasn't anything, I swear.

Alfie, I promised you I wouldn't have any contact with him.

All right? I promised you!

I know, I know, I know.

Let's stick to what we agreed, yeah?

A deal is a deal. No more questions. Just looking forward.

And no looking back. All right?

Cos we're a family. Yeah? Yeah. Come on.

Right.

I'm going to talk to Phil, I'm going to get it sorted.

-All right?

-No.

I'm going to be late. Lexi kept me up all night.

-Yeah, I heard.

-Well, I'm going to get these done

then get myself down the community centre.

She's sleeping now, but I'm really, really late.

Why don't you let me look after her, eh?

-Give me something to do.

-But it's a mother-and-baby class.

Waking up a baby that ain't slept all night, that's good parenting, is it?

Thanks, Pops.

You're the best mum out of the lot of 'em!

Go on. Go!

-Yeah, bye, see ya.

-Ta-da.

Hey.

-It's all right, Phil, I can clear up.

-Ain't your job.

And I want you out of here by the end of the day.

Listen, Phil, I'm really sorry. But you can't chuck us out!

-Should have thought of that before.

-I know. And I'm really sorry!

I really mean it, I'm sorry.

-HE SIGHS

-But you can't chuck us out.

Not without giving us a week's notice. I've checked the agreement.

It's my pub, and what I say goes.

HE SIGHS

Phil, I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to distract yourself. Move on.

But don't move on by moving us out!

Please, c'mon. This is our home, Phil.

A week's notice - home and job. And Roxy's the manager.

-Roxy?

-Least she ain't going to disappear, is she?

Yeah, thanks. Bye.

Phil's given us a week. So we've got a week to change his mind.

That was a supplier!

He wanted to know what name to put on the order. Because Phil said we left.

Roxy.

Phil's made Roxy the manager.

Right. Come on! Let's tidy this place up then.

But she hadn't slept all night.

This is a practical parenting class, Lola.

Waking a baby that hasn't slept all night is good parenting?

Your social worker wanted me to let her know how you're getting on -

if I don't see you with Lexi, I can't do that!

I'll have to tell her.

Hello, ladies.

Make yourselves comfortable. Sit down.

-Look, I promised Amy we'd go to the zoo.

-Yeah. We'll come too.

-Babies love animals.

-But if I'm with you, I'm not with Amy.

It's a daddy date.

What's a daddy date?

All dads have to have special time with their little girls.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Anyway, Roxy's got her hands full.

Kat and Alfie came back last night.

-And Phil sacked 'em.

-Did he? Both of them came back, yeah?

Yeah. Both of 'em came back. Why'd you say that?

No reason, no reason. Go on, go have your "daddy date".

Oh, how'd that meeting go yesterday?

Oh, no joy.

No surprises there, then.

BABY CRIES

What other ways have we tried to help baby go to sleep?

Er...Lola.

I don't know. Clean 'em,

feed 'em, sing to 'em.

Put some brandy in their bottle? Innit?

SHE LAUGHS

I was joking, Gillian. I didn't mean it.

NEVER try that. That isn't funny!

KNOCK ON DOOR

Are you ready to tell me what happened? I've shut up shop.

And I'm not leaving here until I get some answers.

All right.

D'you remember all that business with Alice?

You know, Derek got upset? You got upset?

What about it?

Derek pinned me up against a wall. Told me I was a dead woman.

What?!

Did he?

Yeah, I told Alice what he was really like. Maybe I shouldn't have.

There's no reason for a man to threaten a woman. EVER.

-That's all right. I'll see how he likes being pushed about.

-Don't.

Just leave it.

Honestly. Both of you. It's done. It's finished.

Promise me.

We're the heart of the Vic. Right?

-Yeah, we are. You're everyone's favourite landlord.

-Listen,

we've just got to find a way of getting the punters back in the pub.

Appeal to Phil's wallet.

And who likes a bargain more than anyone else?

-Nan...

-Cos?

-She's tight!

Jean! Sweetheart, listen,

I'm sorry about all the upset and everything that's going on.

Why don't you take the day off today?

-Give me a chance to find somewhere else to live, I suppose.

-Good girl!

-Means you can keep your eye on Tommy.

-What?

-I got a plan!

-Alfie!

There you go, you're with your Auntie Jean now!

-SHE SIGHS

-Come on, then!

Remember who I am, then? Now you ain't with your posh mate?

Cos I thought you was too good for us,

now you got yourself a "real family".

Y'know? Up yourself.

Ain't like that, Alexa.

What you doin' now? You want to cotch with us?

Yeah, go on then!

All right, ladies. Let me introduce to you

the big, bad Miss Lola Pearce.

-Good to see you again.

-You too.

-Come on.

What do you reckon, eh?

Fiver? Maybe a bit of bingo. Maybe a pub quiz...

What're you doing?

Pensioners pint, pie and mash all for a fiver.

-We've got enough pies in the freezer.

-OK,

Look, I'm really sorry but... You'll have to run it past me.

It's for the punters. If you not interested, then fine.

I'm not saying that! Just.... We got to discuss... Fine.

Do it. OK?

How was the second honeymoon?

-It was lovely, yeah.

-Yeah.

All right for some. Is Amy ready for the zoo?

Yes. She's upstairs. I'll get her in a minute.

Michael wanted to tag along. I said he couldn't.

-You should've let him. He's finding it hard.

-Today's about me and Amy.

-What d'you mean - finding it hard?

-Janine's gone.

-Left the both of them.

-What? Him and Scarlett?

-Yeah, he's not taking it well.

-When did this happen then?

The night you left.

-Anyway, you ready?

-Yeah, come on.

Sorry! I'm so sorry.

You still in Dalston?

No, my new fosterer lives in Hackney.

Keeps going on about my "future".

What about you? How's it going with, your, um..?

-My pops?

-Yeah.

-He's a right laugh, actually.

That's good. No offence or anything,

-but I'm not really interested in happy-ever-afters. Y'know?

-Sorry.

It's all right.

Do you fancy hitting the sales? Getting a few...bargains?

I'm barred, actually. Been caught sale shopping way too many times.

OK. You keep lookout then, yeah? Come on, girls.

Roxy said Janine's left you!

Hello, Michael, how're you? I'm fine, Kathleen. Thanks for asking.

How are you?

I'm fine, thank you, Kathleen. Thanks for asking.

How's Alfie?

He's good.

Good. We're both good.

So has she really left you?

It was me that ended it. I...

Me. Not her. It was me.

Are you going to look me in the eye and tell me that?

It was me.

Michael. You don't have to pretend.

I can't believe you didn't say anything that night.

You just listened to me...

Wasn't really about me, that night, it was about you.

So where's she gone?

"Abroad."

Wherever that is.

She's not kept in touch.

Ah!

She...left those for me.

Come on! Come on!

Alexa! Alexa! Come in here!

Told you I'd get some bargains, didn't I?

You're mental, do you know that?

SHE LAUGHS

What have you got there?

Not bad. Mirror, please. Do you want that?

Same again please.

Actually, make it a double, Alfie, will you?

I'm waiting.

My apology?

That girl that Jack set me up with...

And I don't appreciate being laughed at. Show some respect.

You want some respect do you, Del?

What, after you threatened Tanya? Pinned her against a wall?

C'mon. Fair dos. No-one stands between a man and his daughter.

You don't lift a finger to her, right?

You're telling me what to do now, are you?

You should be nice to me.

Do you want Tanya finding out about your problem?

Look, there's only one thing that's going to sort that out and that's money.

You want 'em to keep quiet then pay 'em.

-I HAVE paid 'em, Del.

-Yeah, well, it's obviously not enough, is it?

You all right there, Alfie?

Heard you an' Kat have been on a second honeymoon.

-Nice time?

-'Scuse me.

If you need a hand, just give me a call. All right?

-You don't need to do this on your own.

-(Thanks).

You was right about me and Alfie.

We are worth fighting for.

Always.

It's a shame Janine didn't feel the same.

D'you mind? Take your feet down.

Are you going to let them get away with that?

Good luck.

I found this. It's minging.

I want a new burger and my money back

or I'm calling environmental health.

OK. Sorry.

When d'you get that tag?

Few months ago. Comes off Friday, though.

Nah, it's all right. Had a heavy one last night. It was mental.

-I got so wasted!

-Thought you looked knackered!

PHONE RINGS

Hello. Yeah.

Michael Moon speaking, yeah.

No, no idea where your cleaner is.

What did they look like?

All right, Phil?

I need more motors.

-Right.

-The usual, yeah?

I'll make it worth your while.

I'll have a word with my mate.

You'll have to get someone else to do the dirty work.

I thought you could, y'know? Same deal as before.

No, I said, you'll have to get someone else to do the dirty work.

-Here you go, sweetheart.

-Thanks, darlin'. Place ain't been the same without you.

Thank you, Cora. Much appreciated.

-How's your lovely boy?

-Yeah, he's great, darling. He's...

'Scuse me...

All right, babe. Where you been, then?

Went to see Michael. What with Janine going...

Listen Kat, we have enough worries of our own.

-Michael can take care of himself.

-He'd like you to think that.

He's making out that he dumped Janine.

But I saw him the night that she left.

And that was not a man that wanted to split up his family.

Yes, darling?

-Look, it's been really nice catching up but I got to...

-Already?

-We ain't even started yet.

-Yeah.

Hiya. Can I have a doughnut?

-Er, excuse me?

-Why, what've you done?

Can you stop that?

Forget it. You should really chuck them out.

D'you hear what she's saying, Lola? That's not very nice, like, is it?

You know these morons?!

Are you going to let her talk to us like that?

Cos you're either my mate or hers. You can't have it both ways.

Come on, let's go.

Here, Rox, how come you've got to go and see Michael?

I'll be half an hour. He needs me.

Oh, he needs you. Poor abandoned Michael.

You of all people should know what he's like! The bloke only thinks about himself!

Rox, have you forgot about Jean? And Ronnie? He's using you, all right?

Grandad, I'm just going to help a mate out. All right?

He needs someone to talk to.

-What's the matter? Is everything OK?

-Yeah. Absolutely fine.

I just need to dive out for a bit of business. Won't be long.

-Michael! Michael! Hold on! Where are you...

-She's asleep in there.

Where are you going? Are you coming back?

-Are you coming back, Mic...!

-DOOR CLOSES

-Phil!

-I hoped I'd see you.

-I've only got a minute.

I've got a delivery coming to R&R early and I need to pick up Denny.

Could you wait for it? Please?

I can pick him up for you, if you want, give him some tea.

Don't mind hanging out with a six-year-old boy?

Nah, six is the best age to be.

Thanks, Phil, I'll let the school know. Cheers, mate.

I don't understand why you won't give Jay a job.

-Babe, just change the record, will you? Please?

-Give him one.

What?

You must be able to find something for him to do.

Thanks, Mum.

You changed your tune.

Why'd you say that?

I've been thinking about it.

It's the only way we can keep an eye on him, ain't it?

I saw Derek.

What? You promised me you wouldn't!

I weren't going to just not say anything, was I?

-Oh great! Now he really will kick off, won't he!

-Course he won't kick off!

Babe, I ain't having him treating you like that.

I love you.

I do. I love you.

All right.

-Pops?

-Where've you been?

-Sorry. How's Lexi?

-Grumpy!

I had to wake her. Didn't want her up all night again.

All right, all right! Hang on!

-Where is she, Bill?

-Where are you going?

-Lola!

-What?

-There you are!

29 Edward Street. Mr Ridge. Ring any bells?

Used to be with Butcher's Joints. He's got himself a new cleaner. You!

-What a coincidence!

-I can explain...

-Oh, can you really?

How'd you get the details? Bit of light thievery? Bit of breaking and entering?

-What you talking about?

-I bet social services would love to hear about that. And the Old Bill.

-Why don't we go there together?

-Ow!

-Get your hands off her!

Stealing my business from underneath my nose!

Well, Janine didn't want it, did she?

-Come on!

-Ow! Get off me!

-What're you doing?

She's a kid! What're you doing?

DOOR SLAMS

Here y'are. Want to play with this? You just, er...

Is it yours?

It was... It was my boy's.

You just twist it. I think.

Think it's broken, mate. Sorry.

Thought you were meant to be good with cars.

PHIL CHUCKLES

Now, show me how you did that again. Go on.

Cos that was on top of it...

-And the roof was off like that.

-Right.

So I just clipped the roof on...

and then put the back up.

Then I shut the doors...

Cheers, darling.

-Swear you didn't break into Butcher's Joints?

-No, I didn't!

-How did you get that client's number?

-Gift of the gab.

-All right?

-All right, Kat?

Have you got any work going? I'll do anything.

I ain't fussy. I just want to treat Lexi.

-You could pop in tomorrow and give the barrel store a once-over.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Wicked!

-I'll see you tomorrow.

-See you tomorrow.

Alfie?

Was it Michael?

DOOR SLAMS

Where've you been? I'm supposed to have been at work.

Huh? Michael?

SHE SCOFFS

Alfie was right, wasn't he? You're actually using me.

No, I'm not. I'm not using you.

Well, you just keep telling yourself that, yeah?

-Excuse me.

-Come on, don't be this way! Don't be this way!

I would never lie to you.

Come on, you mean something to me. You're special.

You're very special.

Michael, what you doing?! What's the matter with you?

I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't mean it!

You have not changed one bit, have you? You just...

-BABY WHIMPERS

-You just use people.

That is what you do. That's what you do, Michael.

Roxy, please...

Come on, don't leave me!

Look after your daughter!

DOOR SLAMS

Look at me, darling.

Alfie, look at me.

It weren't Michael.

I told you - it's no-one you know. No-one.

It weren't him.

I swear on Tommy's life.

-I'm sorry.

-No.

No, don't you ever say sorry. Ever.

You've got nothing to say sorry for!

I thought...

I thought I could do this, Kat.

I can't.

I can't.

Right, I'm going to level with you, all right?

I know it's not been the best of weeks... I know...

We've both been worked up, and things have got out of hand

and I'm sorry about that.

I've been so tired. So tired.

But if we're going to make this work, you know.

I really, really need you to work with me on it, OK?

We've got to work together.

BABY GURGLES

Think you can manage that, just for a day?

Oh, here we go, look, quaint rural pub in peaceful settings...

It may be the fresh start we need. What do you reckon?

Alfie, we've been through this...

If you don't trust me, it doesn't matter how far we run.

Kat, I do trust you. But we ain't running, are we?

We're being kicked.

Then we kick back, we don't give up without a fight.

I know, but I've already tried to make Phil see sense,

he won't give us more than a week.

Right, then I'll make him. After everything we've been through,

I'm not going to let him bring us down.

Nice and early.

Oh, wow!

-Don't think it's a bit too much, no?

-You look great.

Yeah?

Doesn't he, Dad?

Right, we've got to go and pick up some motors later,

I want you to look over 'em. But in the mean time...

Dad!

It's all right.

It's better than sitting indoors, feeling sorry for myself, ain't it?

Right, well let him get on with it. I might change my mind.

Good lad.

All right?

Roxy!

Roxy, come on, I know I got it wrong last night... I'm sorry.

What can I do to make it up to you?

Erm. You could drop dead.

OK.

You'd throw away our entire friendship for one silly mistake?

Come on, I was desperate. No, I wasn't desperate.

Not to kiss you... You know what I mean.

You've been there for me and Scarlett since Janine left.

You've been great.

You'd have seduced me to get me to change her nappies.

You know how difficult this is for me.

Why? Because you can't cope with your own daughter?

D'you know what, I feel sorry for her, I do, Michael,

but you are going to have to grow up and start taking responsibility, OK?

And find yourself another unpaid nanny.

Cos you might be desperate, but I'm not, OK? Excuse me.

Ta-da! What every junior mechanic needs.

-Better not be any hammer in there.

-Just the one.

You already got him toys, you don't need to spoil him.

Thought it might cheer him up seeing as he ain't been feeling well.

Anyway the boy likes motors, don't he.

He also likes fireworks, doesn't mean I let him play with them.

Phil, you got a minute?

How long you going to keep this up?

I've been through all this with Alfie the other day.

Look, you're proving a point. You're showing us who's in charge.

We get it, we should never have gone off.

I promise it won't happen again.

You disappeared earlier this year.

That was different, my dad was sick.

What's your excuse this time?

-It's complicated.

-Well, it always is with you, innit.

You spend more time in passport control than you do behind that bar,

you never listen,

and on top of that, you're behind with the rent, ain't ya.

Just give us another chance, we'll pay you.

Well go on then.

We ain't got it right now.

Just give us a couple of weeks, we'll pay back every penny.

Be too late by then.

What do you want me to do? Flog a kidney?

Up to you.

Come on, Denny.

I heard you didn't take Lexi to mother and baby class the other day.

Checking up on us then?

Just thought I'd pop by to make sure her cough hadn't got worse.

Lola's been a proper Florence Nightingale, ain't you?

She's much better now.

Hopefully now you'll have time to get on top of everything else,

have a bit of a tidy up, get the washing up done.

I was just going to do that as it happens.

I'll be back later for our official visit.

What was this then?

Just a friendly chat.

I ain't got time to clean here for free, Pops, I've convinced

Cora into giving us a few extra hours at the charity shop.

And I've got to go down the job centre, haven't I?

All right, well I'll just chuck it under the sink when I get back.

I've got more important things to think about than washing up.

Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?

Come on.

My dad always used to say that it's harder to run a boozer

than be an accountant, a copper or a priest.

You had to be all three.

Den never struck me as the holy type.

People like to see a friendly face behind the bar, Phil.

Are you saying mine ain't?

-GLASS SHATTERS

-Denny?

Well, I fixed the shelf.

Great! He's going to be "fixing" things all day now.

Can I go and work with Phil then?

-You're supposed to be off with earache.

-I feel better.

Then you should have gone to school. Phil's busy.

Well, I've got a few things to do at the Arches,

but he could be my apprentice for the day.

Not sure I want him learning all your trades.

I won't teach him anything dodgy. Not too dodgy anyway.

Probably weren't a good idea to wear the suit, was it?

I'm going to make a move in a bit.

Get up the Arches. Go and pick these motors up.

You never said anything about Phil being part of the job.

Well, you ain't got to cosy up to him, just got to pick 'em up.

-Not a problem is it?

-Look, I'm on bail, Max.

I can get sent down if I'm caught with dodgy motors.

Jay, who said anything about knock offs?

Look, Abi's been on at me for days to give you this job

and if you back out now you'll be letting us both down, ain't you.

Oi.

Hope you ain't worn yourself out. Got a few hours off this afternoon.

Oh, yeah? Thought Dennis was sick and off school?

Well, he's made a miraculous recovery

so Phil's taken him to work to learn the trade.

Oh, yeah? Which one's that? Pick-pocketing? Or drug running?

Oi, wouldn't be able to cover us for a couple of hours, would you?

Not unless you want people training to the sound of a baby crying.

Give me a couple of days, Jack.

I'm going to sort out an au pair. It's going to be sweet.

Got a Swedish blonde moving in, have you?

I don't care where she's from as long as she takes care of this baby.

Well, if it doesn't work out with the au pair, there's always Phil.

Listen, do you reckon we can persuade Phil

to have Dennis tonight an' all?

They're already spending enough time together, Jack.

Come on, it's only one day, how much damage can he do?

ENGINE REVS

You look great.

Then all you do is put your foot on the clutch, foot on the accelerator,

sling it into gear, let go of the clutch and off you go.

Oh, that's safe, innit? Letting a kid drive on the pavement.

Save the parenting advice till you've got Social Services off your case.

Well, actually, I...

Just leave it, ain't worth the hassle.

No, you're right. See you later.

All right, Phil?

What's he doing here?

-He's working for me.

-How do you know he won't lose his bottle?

He's got a track record for saving his own skin.

I didn't do it to save myself, you know that.

Well, I ain't working with a grass. So either he's out, or I'm out.

Sorry, Jay.

What's a grass?

Have you seen Tommy's bank book?

I could've sworn we put money aside for him.

No, no, no, no. You can't have that.

We have to pay Phil. I will put it back.

That's what we said last time we dipped into it, Kat.

He won't change his mind if we don't pay him.

He probably won't anyway.

Alfie, we can try.

Kat, listen, it's not your fault that we lost the Vic, all right?

I made you go away. I practically forced you.

No, no, no. I didn't have to agree. I made that decision.

And, sweetheart, I would do it all again in a heartbeat, all right?

Even if it meant losing everything?

Listen, you said it yourself, we're family. That's what counts.

And all this stuff? This can all be replaced.

Yeah, you're right.

What are you doing?

Whatever it takes.

She's adorable.

Isn't she.

-Look at her little fingers, she's so tiny.

-That's all right, isn't it?

The agency said that you had experience with premature babies.

I can show you my references if you like.

No, no, that's fine, Emily, that's fine.

I'm sure you're very respectable.

Won't be coming in drunk, throwing the baby around.

When can you start?

I like to get to know the family a bit first.

There is no family, there's only me.

What about Scarlett? What's she like?

She's...a baby. Oh, no. Yeah, she's great.

She's no trouble, if that's what you mean.

She's a bit tired, a bit cranky today.

Poor little thing, looks like she needs a cuddle from Daddy.

Yeah.

Why don't you give it a go there and get to know her.

Hello, darling.

HE LAUGHS

She likes you.

I'll talk to the agency, let you know.

All right, Marie? Cup of coffee to take away please. All right, Abs?

Don't like that, seriously.

Gives me the heebie-jeebies every time I see you with that kid.

I'm minding her for Lola while she's at work.

Yeah? Don't get any ideas.

So how's Jay getting on?

I was just about to head over and see him.

Oh, he's not over there.

I had to let him go.

He only started this morning!

People know he's been in bother. It's already losing me business.

From who?

-Phil.

-Well, you know he's got a problem with Jay.

Jay was involved in murder.

Which you knew when you gave him the job.

Babe, I was trying to do you a favour, weren't I.

Thanks a lot, remind me to never ask you for anything again.

Abs.

Oh, look who it is.

I'm not in the mood for your childish games.

Oh, you were happy to look down your toffee nose at us the other day.

Look at you now, just another pram face.

What are you talking about? It's not my baby.

Oh, really? Whose is it then?

Mine. So why don't you leave them both alone, yeah?

Come on.

PHONE RINGS

Hello? Yeah, I'm glad you called.

I'm glad you called, cos, erm, you don't need to send anyone else,

cos I offered the job to the first girl.

I see. Did she say why she didn't want to do it?

Fine, well if you could find me

someone who's actually interested that would be great!

Cheers.

If you're going to start banging on about the cleaning again,

don't, cos I'm not in the mood, all right.

Tired? Baby keeping you up?

No.

Suppose you and Lola must get quite a lot of help.

Must be quite handy having all those people around, offering advice.

Handy? They're Social Services, Michael!

Still, it's more than most of us get, isn't it?

I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy, not even you.

All day yesterday we was hanging out

and you never mentioned that you had a baby.

Well, I didn't think you'd be bothered.

No, too ashamed more like.

All that larging about your cushty new life.

And you landed yourself with a screaming brat!

Ignore them, they're just jealous.

Oh, yeah, wish I'd ended up a chavvy mum, working in a dirty old shop.

You got it made, Lo.

Yeah, I have, Lexi's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Lexi?

I named her after you.

I used to think you were someone to look up to.

SHE TUTS

You ladies looking for anything in particular?

Just talking to my mate.

Friends of yours, Lola?

No, not any more.

Then why don't you go and pretend to be tough somewhere else?

You can't make us.

Abi, darling, look up the number of the Council's truancy officer.

THEY GIGGLE

Right, if you've finished your smackdown,

maybe I can get some cleaning done?

Kat... All right?

Look, if you're looking for babysitter, I'm busy.

-Just an hour while I find an au pair.

-I haven't got the time.

Everyone's telling me to take responsibility,

but I can't find an au pair because I'm feeding her,

I'm changing her, I'm pushing her round.

You couldn't have been looking for that long.

I've already had one turn me down. Can you believe it.

It's going to take a few days and there's only so much a nanny can do.

Michael, you're the one she needs.

If you get desperate call me, but you'll be fine.

Yeah. Yeah.

My mum says you should always tell the truth.

Your mum's spot on.

So did Jay tell lies about Ben?

Not exactly.

Then why are you so mad with him?

Well, what would your mum say

if she found out that I let you drive a motor?

But if we didn't mention it, well, we wouldn't be lying, would we?

Just not telling tales.

Exactly.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Phil!

Hang on a sec.

The rent we owe,

plus another hundred for all the trouble that we caused.

All right, thanks. But you're still sacked.

That's everything I had!

Only what you should have coughed up months ago.

You've got no idea what I had to go through to get that.

What, dipped into the holiday fund, did you?

One less jolly to Spain.

I told you before, it wasn't a jolly.

You come back with duty free and a tan!

Anyway, I don't give a monkey's, I've had it with you and Alfie.

He makes out he's the life and soul of the Vic,

but he's a jumped up barman who'll do anything for an easy life.

It wasn't his fault, I'm the reason he walked out.

What, you held a gun to his head, did you?

I had an affair.

And even after I told him everything,

he was still willing to give me another chance.

What you telling me for?

You know what it's like to lose everything.

You're not seriously saying that you doing the dirty on Alfie

is the same as Ben going to prison?

No, but think about it.

How would you feel if you was given another chance to start again, eh?

To win Shirley and your family back?

I can't believe you're putting this on me.

No, nor can I,

but it would break Alfie's heart to leave everything that he knows,

and no matter what he says he'll never get over it.

So this is it.

This is my last chance and, unbelievably, you're the one

who gets to decide whether I lose my family or not.

See-ya.

See-ya.

I've been sorting through mouldy old clothes all day

and I really want to treat Lexi, I just need another fiver.

And you think I should cough up for you, do you?

Here you go.

Whatever anyone says, you ain't doing a bad job.

Don't let 'em grind you down.