07/08/2011 EastEnders Omnibus

PHONE RINGS

THEY LAUGH

-Jeanie! I'm sorry about the other day...

-No time for chatting.

Someone's in the bad books?

A little misunderstanding.

-I'm going to get some eggs and bacon. You up for a Moon fry-up?

-Go on, then.

I'm loving the ivory tux...

It goes with your sultry olive complexion. What about pasty old me?

-Hey, you can wear whatever you want at our wedding.

-Aww!

Dad!

You missed sehri. It's very important to eat before sunrise.

Day off. Fancied a lie-in.

Dad and I don't really do the whole, like, Ramadan thing...

But obviously now that Tam and I are married, I will.

-You must tell your father to join us this evening.

-Really?

Yeah, it's a time to put aside differences, time to be together.

You can help me prepare iftar, if you like.

Thanks(!)

Bobby! Nearly done your trousers, mate.

They're a bit damp,

but they'll be fine. Just don't tell your mum.

Oh!

Your...breakfast's ready.

-Morning, Michael.

-How do?

-Dad, I've had a great idea...

Launch party for the shop, this afternoon!

We're an antiques emporium, not a nightclub.

Where's the frying pan? You packed it.

Yeah, I packed everything. Here you are.

It'll get people talking though, Dad.

Yeah, well, we can't afford a party.

It's a bit of food and a few drinks!

We can't afford not to. No-one knows we're even open.

-What do you reckon, Michael?

-Yeah. Brilliant idea.

See! I can knock up some leaflets and hand 'em round. Come on.

-Morning, morning, morning.

-We've got vests, T-shirts, promotional gear in there.

You can fill your boots if you like.

-Cheers, Miguel.

-See, Dad? Proper companies promote themselves.

Here, Dad, d'you want me to cook?

-No. Go and sort your leaflets out.

-Cheers!

I feel like a naughty schoolboy caught with a dirty mag!

-Even if he didn't hear, he saw us looking at wedding mags.

-He'll just think we're looking at dresses.

I need to tell him...and Mum.

I can't have her finding out second-hand, like she did the adoption.

I didn't mean it like that. I just think she needs to hear it from me this time.

You know, I want total honesty between us.

I can't keep the engagement from her or Dad

for much longer, no matter how they react.

You are invited to...

the official launch of Moon and Sons Antiques Emporium...

-Junk shop.

-Give 'em some cheapo plonk. Free booze, they love all that.

-Sausages and burgers, rustle up a barbecue.

-Nice one.

We can hand out some leaflets.

-Yes, I'll drop some in at Booty.

-Why'd you want to do that?

-We want female customers!

-Good point.

-Right, you can clear away.

-I've got them leaflets to knock out. You can wash up.

-Again?

-Get a woman in here.

-That's a bit sexist.

-It only counts if they hear you.

How about that Carol?

-What about Carol?

-You going to make a move on her, or what?

-Just because you want somebody to wash up?

-Yeah.

Carol's far above running round after you lot.

Oh, hello. Looks like our old dad is smitten.

And you can dry up.

-Come on then, tell me all about it.

-Well, I have decided

-I've had enough of Phil treating me like his lackey in my club.

-So you're getting out?

-No.

No, I'm going to stand up to him. I'll prove to him we are equal.

-What a great day this is turning out to be!

-Isn't it?

I think that's everything. No, I need coriander.

-Fresh?

-Ground, Afia, ground.

I was hoping you'd come over.

Did you have sehri this morning?

-Of course.

-At least you observe Ramadan.

Been trying to educate that sister-in-law of yours.

I think you should come over this evening.

-Really?

-Ramadan is a time for building bridges.

-I'd love to.

Actually, there's something I need to tell you.

-Can it wait? I need to catch your father.

-He's coming too?

Yes, I hope so. Only he won't be too happy that I've invited Yusef too.

Oi, Lovejoy!

-I want a word with you.

-All right, all right. I've got your deposit.

Yeah, about time too.

-What about Kat and Alfie's missing furniture?

-It ain't missing.

They're back tomorrow afternoon. I don't want them coming home to find an empty flat.

-We've got stock coming - it'll be back by then.

-Just make sure it is.

-All right, Jeanie? Everything all right?

-Yeah.

Don't you go worrying yourself about Kat and Alfie's stuff, Jeanie darling.

My name is Jean,

-and I'm not your darling.

-That'll be the doghouse for you, then.

-I'd like you to join us all for iftar this evening.

-Really?

We should all be together.

I didn't think I'd be invited.

Yes, of course you are.

The whole family should be together.

-Including Yusef.

-He's not my family.

For today.

Masood, just for today.

Can you just forget about everything,

just be there for your sons?

Shall we say eight o'clock?

-Anyone want some blue, or pink?

-Excuse me.

-How can I help?

-I phoned up earlier. You said you were full.

-Completely.

As one of the area's most prominent local businessmen, I was hoping you'd make an exception and let my lad in.

Sorry, we've got a waiting list full of prominent local mums and dads.

-I know, but no-one needs a place as much as I do.

-I'm not sure.

-I'm doing my best. I'm trying to bring my boy up on my own.

-I understand how hard it can be...

No, you don't!

I had to leave him at a launderette with an elderly neighbour because I couldn't find anyone else, OK?

I'm doing my best, but he just misses his mum, and I can't replace her.

So the least I can do is try and find him somewhere where he feels safe and happy.

Come on, please. I'm begging you.

I'm so sorry.

It's all right, it's fine.

It must be really hard coping with the loss of your wife.

Yeah. Yeah, it is...

Her death must have been extremely difficult for you.

Yeah. It was, yeah... Very.

I'll see what I can do.

Thanks.

-What you doing here?

-It's my club too, Phil.

Yeah, well I thought I made it clear about that.

I'm checking the accounts, whether you like it or not.

What's this doing here, eh?

Supposed to be a nightclub, not a nursery.

What's the matter with you?

An air-head blonde interfering in my business! Do us both a favour and sell up.

Just hand over the club, yeah?

-I'll give you a fair price.

-You'll rip me off.

-What happened to looking out for me?

-The only person I look out for is number one.

-Not what you said last month.

-I got better things to do than babysit you.

-D'you know what, Phil? I'm not standing for this.

-What are you going to do?

Cos you ain't got Ronnie to hold your hand now, have you?

-Look what someone gave us.

-Brilliant, lads.

-Them leaflets are working already, Dad.

Good boy. Take it in.

All right?

It's nice to see Moon and Sons all involved in the family business.

Yeah. Does it warm the cockles of your heart?

Nah, not really.

Seeing as this is all you probably scheming.

That's very cynical, Jack.

I can't help but be cynical with you Moons.

-Steer clear of that lot.

-Thanks for the brotherly advice, but I've got

two bored kids to keep occupied. You'd be amazed at the power of a free balloon and a burger.

-Welcome to our launch party.

-These two wanted to come.

-Had to leave Morgan with Pat to stop them killing each other.

-Younger generation, what are they like?

We don't know we're born.

HE CHUCKLES

-Liam, do you want to light the barbecue?

-Too right!

-And you can help me cook.

-Yes!

Seeing as you're responsible for us being here...

-you can be the guest of honour.

-I can't refuse, then.

SHE SOBS

You CAN give male customers wine as well.

Here, Dad, I'll take that over...

Them sausages weren't done this morning.

-Going well.

-Yeah. All the better for having you here, despite the weather.

Friends and family.

Can I have everyone's attention?

I'd like to thank you all for coming to the grand opening.

Got a bit of free food and some free drink, so help yourselves.

-To Moon and Sons!

-To Moon and Sons!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Don't waste any time. You're in there.

What can I say? I like her.

Mmm. Feeling's obviously mutual.

-Hi. Cheryl, from the Community Centre Summer Club.

-Oh, hi.

I just thought I'd drop round and tell you the good news.

Your little boy officially starts in the morning.

I really appreciate that - he's going to be so pleased.

I also wanted to say that

if you ever need to talk to anyone, maybe we could have a chat over a coffee.

-Yeah. That'd be nice.

-I know we've only just met,

but I'm here for you if you need someone.

-Thank you.

-OK.

I'll see you tomorrow.

And don't forget, if you need me...

Mo, can you do me a favour - get me a really large vodka, please?

Actually, no, don't. Just a lemonade, cheers.

-Shouldn't you have some furniture with you?

-All in good time! We're here to celebrate a good day.

-No need to thank me.

-Team effort.

-Give him credit, it was his idea.

-Thanks, Michael.

-I need a pint to take away the taste of that vinegar we were giving away.

-You were, I never touched it.

Go and buy the biggest bunch of flowers you can.

You've missed 'em like crazy, but you good people of Walford,

they are back! Alfie, Kat and baby Tommy!

Hello, sweetheart!

We weren't actually expecting you until tomorrow.

Little change of plan. But we've got another surprise for you.

You're not the only one.

She-nice! Oh, of course,

you don't know everybody. This is Jean. That's Tyler. That's Eddie.

You know Mo. More family over there.

There's Michael, all the Moons are here. She's spending a bit of time with us.

The rest of the summer, at least!

Nice to meet you, Shenice. I've heard lots about you.

-Her mum wanted a bit of time on her own.

-Right.

These are a little "welcome home" present from the Moons.

No! Anthony! Look at you all grown up. Shaving and everything now, ain't you?

-Who are you?

-Sorry, Kat. This is Anthony. One of Eddie's boys.

Oh, great, another Moon!

-How many more are going to turn up?

-Ole!

Right.

What have you done?

Nothing.

Yeah, right.

Lets get you some sweeties, hey?

There we go, darling, ole! Not too many sweets. Watch your teeth, all right?

Everything good?

-Yeah, a lot's been happening. KAT SHOUTS:

-Eddie!

I am working on it.

-Thank you.

-Is there anything I can do?

No. Afia and Syed are doing a wonderful job, thank you.

Actually, you can pass me a coconut please, from that bag.

I asked for fresh.

It just said "coconut" on your list.

You have bought the cracked wheat, right?

-You didn't ask me to.

-How am I supposed to make haleem without the dalia?

-I can go.

-No, let me.

I'd rather go myself. There's bound to be something I've forgotten to ask for.

-Be patient.

-All she does is criticise.

She's trying her best under pressure.

-I'm not sure this meal is a good idea.

-It'll be good for all of us to spend an evening together.

Even when Masood arrives?

-Masood's coming?

-PHONE RINGS

Course he is.

It will give us a chance to forgive him for trying to kill you.

SYED: No, not yet.

I haven't found the right moment.

I'm going to wait until Dad gets here and tell them both at the same time...

OK. Thanks.

-Tell them what?

-Nothing.

Syed...

please don't add to the Masood dysfunctional family circus, OK? There's enough going on already.

Pint please, gorgeous.

Ooh! Talking of gorgeous...

Lemonade? No wonder you're so miserable.

Now, that is what you call a proper drink.

Do I deserve this!

Oi..

That's mine!

When you can drink properly, come and see me, little boy, all right?

All right. Two more, please.

-We had a fire, I needed some furniture to pass as our stock.

-My furniture?

If we'd have opened as an empty shop, we'd be finished.

Give us a couple of days, I'll get it back to you.

-What are we supposed to sit on?!

-OK, tomorrow.

What do we need furniture for? We've got a big bed in there.

-I'll get that back to you right away.

-You took our bed?!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, Kat.

It's all right.

Kat...

I'm sorry.

Pfft!

What's with the "pfft"? He said he's sorry, didn't he?

Hey, come on, cheer up. What do we need furniture for, eh?

we've got the floor tiles - we've had some fun on them before.

-You ain't getting round me that easy.

-Don't let my useless family spoil our home-coming.

Did we or did we not have a great holiday? Yes?

Yeah, it was nice.

Yes, it was better than nice, and we're back - look at us - all gorgeous and tanned.

Come on, Shenice is out shopping with Jean.

Tommy... yep, he's still asleep.

It's me and you time. Come on, baby!

-SHE CHUCKLES

-Still got the moves.

OK, you win.

-Go on, have another one.

-Nah, best not...

It might hamper my performance.

-You should be so lucky.

-Hopefully.

Come on listen, I definitely know we'd both enjoy ourselves.

No, no, no. You, yeah... You are too young for me.

Yeah? Or are you too old for some fun, eh?

No. No, never actually...

All right, what's stopping us?

We just moved into a new house -

be great to christen it with the best-looking woman round here. Come on.

-SHE GIGGLES

-All right.

-Do me a favour!

-What you looking at?!

My sister-in-law kissing some kid on the street.

-Mind your own business. Ignore him.

-No, no, no.

-I think you should go.

-You messing?

Do one. Your boy band's waiting for you round the corner.

Please, please... Come on!

Listen, if you ever change your mind...

Don't. Just...don't, all right?

That's your bed back, safe and sound.

I'll, er...

Thanks, fellas. See you later. Cheers.

Shenice...got a surprise for you.

Ta-da!

-Back, then?

-Fancied the summer in London.

-Cheers.

-Good to have madam back, ain't it?

Yeah, it's lovely.

Actually, these are quite comfy.

THEY CHUCKLE

Mummy's home.

Hey.

Tell you what, Amy.

Why don't we show mummy how you can get your jim-jams on, OK?

Come on, twinkle.

EDDIE: The Moons.

-ALL:

-The Moons!

What a great day - our business back on its feet, a family reunion...

I feel like a king.

To King Eddie!

Here's Queen Carol to complete the picture. Your day just got better.

-Come on, Dad, make your move!

-Come and join us.

Nah. You don't want me interrupting you.

It's exactly what I want,

-Let me get you a drink.

-That's more like it.

-But he's bought her drinks before. He needs to take it further.

-We'll have to encourage him, then.

Looks serious. I wonder if she'll mind his Chingford trips.

-What are Chingford trips?

-Eddie's business -

hush-hush and all that.

Don't listen to him.

Cheers. I need this. I managed to palm the kids off. They wore me out.

Kids, eh?

Don't look now, but Jean hasn't taken her eyes off us since I came in.

She's just being nosy.

What is it with everyone?!

Let's just ignore them.

Hey. Hi, Kamil.

Masood, good to see you.

-Yusef.

-Glad you could make it.

Masood.

-Thank you.

-No problem.

-This is what they call "playing happy families".

I'd like to say something.

Not now, Papoo. The sun is setting - we need to break our fast and pray.

-Oh, thank you.

-Et voila.

Thank you for today, Christian. I didn't even ask how Syed got on.

No news yet.

I'm keeping everything crossed for him.

I really want him to tell 'em. It's just... Zainab.

She's going to freak.

Amy all right?

Yeah. Yeah, fine, apart from having the world's worst mother.

-Shut up. You're a great mum.

-Really? Really?

Acting like a teenager, snogging some...kid!

-SHE SIGHS

-Oh, Christian, how did it get so bad?

When I first came here I was a glamorous babe, wasn't I?

-Fresh from Ibiza - we both were - and...

-PHONE BLEEPS

Oh, look, it's Phil. "Can we talk?"

No doubt he wants to stick the knife in a bit deeper.

-Just stand up to him.

-Uh-uh.

-Then sell the club to him.

-I've gotta get away from that club. I'm not selling it to him.

-Then kick him where it hurts.

Oi.

You've got that look about you.

What are you up to?

Wait and see.

Right, Kamil's finally asleep.

Before we begin, I would like to say a few words.

Thank you very much for coming.

It means so very much.

Ramadan is a time for building bridges,

for making amends,

for treating others with love...

..and respect.

I would like this meal

to be a new start for all of us.

-One of understanding and acceptance...

-I agree.

Sorry. But, well...

I've got some news.

Christian and I...

are, er, engaged.

Sorry. I feel a little light-headed.

-Tam, pour your mum some water.

-She needs some air and space.

Excuse me.

Sorry, did you hear me?

-We're getting married.

-Syed, you really picked your moment.

-We need to talk.

-Sorry, busy.

Stop all this.

All what?

Just stop it.

You're overdoing things.

I want us to be friends, but you're making it difficult.

-Uncomfortable.

-I don't know what you're talking about.

-Oh, I think you do.

Look, I'm sorry...

I'm sorry I spoke to you the way I did.

But don't go through my private things.

And don't interfere with my family...

..Jeanie.

Everything all right?

-Nothing another round won't cure. MICHAEL:

-Right, who fancies some food?

-Yes, definitely.

-How about a curry?

Ruby?

Bring on the bhuna!

Oh, Carol, you should come along.

I've lost my appetite.

I should go with her.

Did you know about this wedding?

No.

-Are you sure you're OK?

-Yes. It must be a reaction to the pills you've given me.

-Absolutely not,

-but I can stop giving them to you if you're concerned about side-effects.

-No. No, they are helping me.

I'm sorry. I'm not feeling myself.

-You just need some sleep.

-Yeah.

Masood.

I'm sorry...about the meal.

Your well-being is far more important.

I guess we should eat.

I'd rather starve.

Should I be pouring myself a stiff drink?

Well?

Well, I told them.

Great!

-Not so great.

-It was a disaster, like everything else in that house.

Mum is just in a world of her own...

Dad spends all his energy resenting Yusef.

I want our marriage to be everything theirs isn't.

And it will be, OK?

From our beautiful wedding and for the rest of our married lives.

Sorry it's a bit of a tip. We haven't had time to unpack yet.

-Considering three fellas live here, I think it's pretty spotless.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

They never remember the keys.

There you go.

What about you?

-Where are the boys?

-Gone clubbing.

Enjoy.

Sorry about that.

I think they mean well.

And to be honest with you, er,

I'm glad it's just the two of us.

Me too.

So where's my sister and that father of yours?

Gone home, maybe.

Separately, I hope. Look, I don't want her involved in any of your scheming, all right?

Course not.

-I've, er, been doing some thinking.

-You were right about me selling up.

-There's no need to be...

-So I've sold my share of the club.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Howdy...

SHE CLICKS HER TEETH ..partner!

Come here, you.

Darling... Not now, babe.

Nothing changes, does it?

-Nothing.

-I'm sorry.

-I'm sorry. Come here, you.

-D'you have to?

You'll put me off my cornflakes.

TV PLAYS

It must look like a right state.

-Carol, you look beautiful.

-Bit early for visitors, innit?

Oh, I get it! Life in the old dog yet.

-I meant him, not you, Carol.

-Ms Jackson to you.

Ant! Come here!

-Gotta go.

-Look who stayed last night?

And he didn't even make her breakfast.

-No idea how to treat a woman.

-Least I've got one.

-Another one!

-He's not keeping this one a secret is he.

I'm a one woman man, boys.

Serious then is it, with Carol?

Ty, can you hear that?

THEY SING "HERE COMES THE BRIDE"

Yeah, yeah, very funny. You two could be bridesmaids.

Right, now shift yourselves.

Get all Kat's furniture back to the Vic.

Go on...

Move it!

You are the weakest link, goodbye.

You still haven't asked your sister and her to leave yet.

I will do it today, all right. I just... I promise.

I haven't found the right moment.

Why don't we all meet up for a drink at lunchtime?

No, Tan and me got plans of our own.

-We need some time together.

-Fine. I'll go on me own.

Your sister's doing nothing. Get her to cover for you. Kiss.

-Everything all right with you two?

-Why wouldn't it be?

-I'm only asking.

Pretend I'm not here if it makes you feel better.

Oh, hang on, you already do.

Shift yourself... you've got a new job.

I mean, Janine Butcher!

-I know, I know, all right. It was a moment of madness.

-You hate her! Ronnie hates her!

-Have you forgotten how she splattered Danielle all over the road?

-No.

So you sell her the club that you and your sister built up together. Nice one, Rox, that's really smart!

Phil, you're always banging on about family

but all you're interested in is getting your own way. You're a bully.

And I sold Janine the club because I am sick of you pushing me around.

Yeah, that's right, have a tantrum. That's really gonna help.

I'll go and see her. I'll get it sorted, yeah?

Nah, you've done enough.

-Janine's my problem now.

-Fine.

Fine, suit yourself!

-Checking up on me again?

-No, course not!

Look, the social worker's happy, stop stressing. Or is it you just don't trust me any more?

-We do, don't we, Julie?

-Yeah.

Oi! You ain't paid for those coffees yet.

-This is a Mitchell gaff. I don't have to pay, do I?

-Does that go for him an' all?

Who Billy? Nah, he's the exception.

Ain't gonna cry, are you, Bill?

-See you at home.

-What's up with you?

Pulling a face like that, you'll curdle the punters' milk.

D'you know what, I'm beginning to see the family resemblance.

Why d'you let him talk to you like that?

Yes, Phil, no, Phil, three bags full, Phil. It's pathetic.

You know nothing.

I know a doormat when I see one.

CHATTER

-Tell you what, Rain, I'm gonna nip in here. I'll meet you there. Jodie'll open up.

-All right.

Morning.

I can't meet you this lunchtime.

Why not?

I just can't.

Tan, what's happened?

Frank... Frank...

Hi, partner.

Just making myself at home.

And I thought it might be quite nice for us to have an office pet.

Phil, meet Frank.

Hello. Hello.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Isn't that amazing? He learns so fast!

Seems you get what you pay for... even with parrots.

You wanna wind me up, you'll have to try harder than that.

Not staying? That's a shame.

Frank say, "bye-bye, Phil".

You pilchard.

JANINE LAUGHS

Make sure you're gone by the end of the day.

Then I won't have to break your legs.

You don't mind me asking do you, but were you at the wedding?

-What wedding?

-You know, Greg and Tanya's?

-Oh, yeah, that.

-So how are the happy couple?

-Love's young dream. Same again.

What the lady wants, the lady gets.

-Long time since anyone's called me a lady.

-Listen, do you wanna look at the lunch menu?

Liquid lunch'll do me.

Here, Paddy, have a break, mate.

-This one's on me.

-Thank you brother.

Can I join you?

Ooh! Now you're talking!

-Bealey! All right, mate? Usual?

-Yeah, please. So, she with you all summer is she, Shenice?

Yeah, yeah. She's out with Kat and Tommy for the day, which means I'm all on my lonesome.

'Ere...fancy a game of darts? Paddy, you up for a game of darts, mate, come on?

-Yeah, man.

-Count me in. I taught Phil Taylor everything he knows.

-Worried about the competition?

-Not at all, lady! Not at all.

-I'd love to, but I'm meeting a friend.

-A friend?

-Yeah.

-Oh, right.

Only problem is, I told her a little white lie.

What kind of little white lie?

Seriously, she's got a parrot in there?!

Yeah.

Someone might have to leave the window open.

PHONE RINGS

Looks like I ain't the only one with unwanted female company.

-Lola's all right.

-Bet Abi don't think so.

-Me and Abi are solid.

-Yeah. For now.

How you gonna get rid of Janine, then?

She ain't stupid is she, she knows better than to mess about with me.

Besides, running a night club ain't easy.

I don't care if you're on your deathbed, you're the second barmaid to cancel on me today.

Did Phil put you up to this?

Look, whatever. Even when you're recovered don't bother coming back in because you're fired!

You donut!

You'd never know she's Tanya's sister. Different colouring.

-I was gonna say that. Totally different colouring.

-Tanya's the prettier one.

Yeah. Like Kylie and Dannii. Although, Dannii's got a great look, in her own way.

She could have a great look, if she made a bit more of an effort.

She so could. Like Dannii had to when Cheryl joined the X Factor.

PHONE RINGS

SHE MOUTHS

Are you back, babe? I've missed you so much, babe! How was it?

How are Keith's bunions?! I can't wait to see you!

-Right. Everything all right?

-Yeah. They always like that?

-Yeah, pretty much. You haven't touched that, have you?

-No.

-But if you show me what you need doing I can make myself useful.

-No, no, you're all right.

-You just carry on, read your book.

-It's not a book, it's the Bible.

-Yeah, whatever.

Right, thanks very much. We'll see you again on the 15th. Lovely. Bye.

I should probably go, Greg's waiting for me.

Mind you, it's probably a bit busy here for me to leave. Shall I...?

-Take as long as you like, me and Jode can manage.

-Great.

-Grab yourself a seat. I'll bring the drinks over. What do you want?

-Orange and lemonade.

Listen, can I just say at the risk of...

All right, sweetheart? At the risk of sounding like a scratched record, I think you're making a big mistake.

Alfie, I would have thought you'd be a bit more supportive

considering the amount of porkies you've told.

Yeah, but I never claimed that me estranged wife was dead just so I could get my leg over!

Neither have I! She just assumed and I haven't corrected her. OK?

Can I have an orange juice, lemonade and a bottle?

Yeah sure, coming up. Slightly deaf.

Before you start, I have tried to stop the transfer but the money's already gone through.

-I'm sorry, it's out of my hands.

-I didn't come here to have another go.

So why are you here?

You had a good point yesterday, you played a good game, beat me fair and square.

I just wanted you to know that I've taken care of Janine, so...

don't want you to worry about it.

Was starting to think you were dead.

Just came to say give it a rest with the phone calls, all right.

-Abi's orders?

-No, she ain't the boss of me.

-Whatever you say.

-Think what you like.

Look, I was wondering, do you wanna go out tonight? Not just us, Abi an' all.

-Me an' Abs are a bit skint at the minute.

-Don't worry.

-It's on me.

-Where d'you get all that from?

-Where d'you think?

No-one notices getting a bit less change.

You've been stealing off customers AND Phil.

He don't give a monkeys about me or Billy, treats us like second class Mitchells, and you know it.

Full of surprises, aren't you, Cora?

Beginner's luck, man!

All in the wrist boys, all in the wrist.

Honestly, three kids! I'd never have guessed.

-You don't look old enough.

-Thanks.

Have you got any?

-Need to find a man first!

-Course.

You've met Bobby, obviously.

These are the twins.

Do you have any of the kids with Jane?

No, no, I don't.

Sorry, I shouldn't have asked.

It's just, you haven't mentioned her since yesterday.

Yeah, I know.

-Listen, what I said yesterday...

-You don't need to explain.

It must have been so difficult, even to mention it to a virtual stranger.

I'm touched you felt you could confide in me.

I wish I could have met Jane.

I should be getting back to the summer club.

I'll see you around.

Listen, would you, would you like to meet her... Jane?

This is nice, isn't it?

Yeah.

-Don't forget, Mike from work's having his stag do tonight, so I might be home a bit late.

-OK.

You asked your mum and Rainie to leave yet?

Well, actually...

I said they could stay a bit longer.

Look, she'll soon get bored and want her own space.

And Rainie's just... still fragile, you know.

So that's it, decision made... what I want don't matter?

Of course it does yeah, but Mum was begging me. It's not forever.

What about when they do go, how long's before they're back again?

They treat this place like a hotel, pitching up whenever they fancy.

Darling, just cos they're here, it doesn't mean we can't have time to ourselves like this.

Yeah, the odd lunch together. That's really romantic.

It could be.

I mean,

I don't have to rush back to work. Do you?

No.

I know it was a ten pound note cos I thought

I'd never have enough for two soups and a sarnie with five.

So I asked Jode for extra, and we swapped our two fives for a ten out the salon till so.

-No, you've got it wrong.

-I really don't think that I...

-You calling a member of my staff a liar?

-Um...

-I think you'd have trouble writing your own name, let alone remembering what's in your purse.

Now if she said it was a fiver, it was a fiver.

Right, turn out your pockets.

-What?

-Don't make me tell you again. Come on.

-What? That's all mine.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Go on, out, out!

-What?

You heard me, out! Sling your hook, go on.

Stick your job.

I will.

I'm sure the boys brought one in with this lot.

-It's a lovely piece.

-I don't care how lovely it is, all right.

Actually, I do. It can't look too cheap, that would reflect badly on me.

-There was one here, wasn't there?

-Can't remember.

-There was.

The old lady got all teary about it.

Ah, here we are!

Fantastic. How much do you want for that?

Well, that is a question, isn't it?

Come on Eddie, please. I'm in a rush!

I couldn't let it go for less than two.

Two quid? That is blinding!

-Two hundred!

-What?

With craftsmanship like that, it's probably worth a bit more, but as it's you...

-No, there is no way I'm paying that much.

-All right.

-I'm sure we'll get another one in a week or two.

-All right, tell you what...

-I'll give you a ton for it.

-150 and we've got a deal.

Here you go... Hold on, it's empty!

People don't tend to give 'em away when there's ashes inside.

S'pose not.

You've either got it or you ain't.

What's that still doing here?

We took back everything else.

-We need this, for bird-spotting!

-Ain't done you much good so far.

-Oi. Couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you?

-What you going on about?

Don't worry. I ain't gonna be calling you any more.

Let me.

-You're amazing, you know that?

-Amazing. That's me.

Know what that just reminded me of?

How it was when we first got together.

All over each other every chance we got,

just like a couple of teenagers.

'Cept now, it just...

It felt even better.

Hey.

It ain't been easy, these last few months, has it?

But I've never stopped loving you, Tan.

Me too.

Dad's right. Half a day gone and not a number between us.

That, mate, is epic fail.

You know your problem, bruv? You give up too easy.

-There you go.

-Thanks, Jode.

You know what makes it worse?

I rang Julian to tell him, but he said he couldn't talk cos he was with a client.

I talk to him when I'm with clients and he said that's different.

-I don't see how that's different, do you?

-No, I don't.

-What's he do?

-He works at an investment bank.

I hate to say it, Pops, but I don't think he's committed to you.

It's like he's not committed to me.

All right?

Which one of you ladies reckons you can handle my ample needs?

We're both fully-trained beauty therapists.

Jode's got an extra certificate as an advanced nail technician,

which means I can only do your standard mani, peds, including French...

-French sounds interesting...

-But she's not qualified for extras...

-..like acrylics.

-So, what was it you wanted?

Something to keep this body looking buff.

Well, an all over exfoliation will leave your skin very smooth and silky.

You'll need a shower beforehand, though.

Not a problem.

Upstairs, is it?

Maybe you should take this one, Jode.

You so fancy him.

No!

He is totally not my type!

Well, he fancies you. It's so obvious.

-He was quite flirty.

-What should I do?

-Ask him out for a drink.

-Him?!

-I couldn't!

-Might shake it up a bit with this Julian bloke...

-make him realise if he don't want you there's plenty out there that do.

-She's right, Pops.

It's like it says in The Rules - you should never appear too available.

Might be time to give him a chance?

Me and Darren will come with, be like a double date.

Got a towel? Don't worry, I ain't gonna bite ya.

Not unless you ask me to.

She wants to know if you're free tonight.

It really is a beautiful urn.

Nothing but the best for my Jane.

Bobby did the lettering.

And you keep her here?

Yeah.

It makes me feel safe knowing that she's close.

That's not weird, is it?

No, I think it's lovely.

You're the first person I've spoke to

about losing Jane, and I just want you to know how grateful I am. Jane...

I think she'd be grateful too.

She always said she didn't like the thought of me sitting alone and brooding.

Well, maybe we can meet up again some time?

Yeah, I'd like that.

Rainie, I told you not to touch anything!

I was just putting an appointment calendar bit and it froze.

-It's not my fault.

-It never is.

-You were meant to be watching her!

-Sorry. We got distracted.

-I had the worst day.

-She has.

Now I've got a date so we've just been working out what I should wear...

Spare me the details. You being here, it's not gonna work.

You know what, I didn't wanna be here in the first place!

You should've been here instead of running around with lover-boy...

-Me taking a break has got nothing to do with you being an idiot! Get out.

-I will.

Know what, it's boring in here anyway.

DOORBELL RINGS

You said not to ring, so I thought I'd come round in person.

I booked a nice restaurant.

Why?

As part of the surprise.

I'm not even dressed right.

Besides, I hate poncey restaurants.

-Flowers?

-What do you think?

I'll let you into a secret.

I don't like all that stuff either.

Well, at least we agree on something.

DOORBELL RINGS

< Plan B?

Right, I'll get 'em in. Jode, Dazza?

-I told you not to call me that. It's all right, I'll get mine and Jodie's.

-Suit yourself.

Let me see if I can guess what you want.

Between The Sheets?

-I'm kidding. Vodka and cranberry, right?

-How did you know?

I make it my business to know these things.

I thought you said it was gonna be just us. I haven't seen you for weeks.

I'm sorry, babe.

Poppy needs us. She was so nervous around him at the salon earlier.

You should have seen him, chest all pumped up and sweaty.

It was horrible.

Ant! Come join us?

-Nah, you're all right.

-Come on, more the merrier.

-You've met Poppy, Jodie and Dazza.

-It's Darren!

What's that wailing?

This is their idea of music, Cora.

Children nowadays, they don't have any taste at all.

-I mean, give me Marvin Gaye or Ray Charles any time.

-Yes!

Now there's a singer!

# Hard-hearted Hannah The vamp of Savannah... #

Go on, Cora!

# The meanest gal in town!

# Leather is tough But Hannah's heart is tougher

# She's the girl who likes to see men suffer... #

THEY CHEER

Woah!

-I think you've had enough. It's time to get home.

-Killjoy!

I only did it so we could get something nice for tea.

-He wasn't gonna give us a freebie, was he?

-We know, Lo. But you didn't have to.

Hang on a minute. We've just spent all day trying to get this tenancy agreement

to try and make it legit, and she rewards us by stealing. Aren't you bothered?

-That's a bit rich, innit, coming from you.

-She's lied to us!

If she lied to us about that, what other stuff has she lied to us about?

-Stuff? What stuff, eh? Like the fire?

-Yeah, like that.

-I knew it.

-Calm down.

-Just leave me alone!

She swore to us that she didn't do that, and I believe her. I thought you did too.

How many more mistakes is she gonna have to make Billy, before you see her for what she really is?

What she really is, is our granddaughter, our flesh and blood!

Ain't it about time you started treating her that way?

So, Tyler, what are your ambitions?

Live the joy, spread the joy.

-Preferably whilst getting wasted.

-Surprise surprise.

When I find the right girl, that's when I get ambitious.

Putting in the graft so she wants for nothing. That's what it's about.

That was clearance. That gear's pretty good, Dad's not here either, we'd better...

Seems I'm needed elsewhere.

Another time, beautiful? Jode, Dazza.

Needed elsewhere? He's not a superhero. He works in a junk yard.

I know. It's horrible. So dirty.

You had a lucky escape, Pops. You all right?

Patrick didn't look happy. What were you doing?

Trying to liven the place up.

We got anything stronger?

Tanya's hidden away all the booze, ain't she?

Treats us both like kids. Like today right, at the salon...

I make one tiny mistake and she shouts at me like I'm some naughty schoolgirl. And just sends me home.

-She did what?

-I'm surprised she didn't even give me detention!

I mean, she wants to be miserable all the time, that's up to her, but why drag the rest of us down?

You know Tanya...

it's all about her.

Well, I've got my own stuff to deal with...real stuff!

I don't need her making it even worse.

Keep this coffee coming.

That girl needs someone to give her a good talking to.

Oi. Didn't you hear me this morning?

Sorry, did you think that I'd be scared?

Sticks and stones, Phil!

Besides, running this place has been quite a doddle since I hired the temporary bar staff,

and I got a nice little IT expert to access those computer files.

It seems all your suppliers aren't entirely legitimate.

But don't worry,

my lips are sealed.

Now, how would you like to see my new marketing strategy.

Got inspiration from our very own local!

We've got to move with the times, Phil.

The East End dive bar vibe is so ten years ago.

People want less Guy Ritchie, and more Glee club.

What d'you want, eh?

Whatever you gave Roxy... I'll top it.

That's very generous of you,

but I'm not selling. If you would like to sell your shares however, then...

What's this about, eh?

First this place, then I'm coming for the Vic.

-You think you've got what it takes to go up against me?

-I know I have.

And I'm going to prove it to you.

You want a war, you got one.

This could have waited till the morning.

You just wanted to scupper my big date, didn't ya?

-You can't actually tell me you were having fun with that Poppy bird?

-Yeah.

You'd get more spark out of that old toaster!

Poppy comes with a much better rack!

Fair point. Where d'you reckon Dad's taken Carol then?

Usual. Fancy restaurant, posh wine.

Tell you what, though, bet it takes more than that to put a smile on cranky Carol's mush.

She's frostier than the North Pole.

I'm so sorry.

-Working late again?

-What's it to you?

-I'm your mother.

You haven't cared what time I got home since I was a kid.

And you weren't that bothered.

Know what I see when I look at you now?

The same stupid little girl you were then!

-What?

-You were always were a self-centred madam.

Sorry, am I supposed to have done something?

It was my birthday today.

65, in case you're interested.

And the rest.

I'm sorry, all right, I'm sorry I didn't hang out the bunting for such an important occasion,

but I have got other things going on in my life!

You're determined to screw 'em up.

Lovely house, great kids. All right, your old man might not be the sharpest tool in the box,

but most women wouldn't kick him out of bed.

You're just the same Tanya, same as you were when you were a kid,

always wanting more, never satisfied.

We all have choices in life.

Sometimes they're right, sometimes they're wrong.

But once you make your cosy marital bed, you got a duty to lie in it.

-What, like you did?

-What?

You might have been there for Dad during the good times,

but what about when things weren't so good?

Where were you when he was ill?

-Don't go there!

-No! No, you bang on about me being selfish,

I'm the one who had to sit by his deathbed day in day out

and watch him writhe about in agony, where were you, Mum? Out getting wasted,

going to parties.

And you've got the cheek to call me selfish? To say I don't care about MY husband?!

Don't you compare me and your father to this sham of a marriage you got going here.

How dare you!

I've got eyes, girl, I can see.

You say all the right things, make all the right noises, but there's nothing there.

You don't even love Greg, do you?

-When I was in care, I had a goldfish called Strummer.

-SHE CHUCKLES

I used to dream of getting him a tank like that.

-One day we'll have one of them.

-SHE CHUCKLES

-No, that's fat.

-All right, we won't get a fat one.

-GREG:

-Rainie! Come on! Hurry up!

What are you doing in there?

-Rainie, what are you doing, I've...

-VACUUM CLEANER STARTS

Do you have to do that now?

Ohhh... Oh, sorry. Is that bothering you, is it?

-VACUUM CLEANER STOPS

-Thank you.

Don't you want to chat? I want to chat.

-Nice long chat, mother to daughter, just like last night.

-Can we do it later?

All right.

VACUUM CLEANER STARTS

All right. All right! Talk!

I don't care if you believe me or not, me and Greg are right for each other. Do you hear me?

-What?

-You want to lay around all day and get drunk all night, stirring up trouble,

-you can do it in your own home.

-I can't actually.

-Why not?

-I've been evicted.

Hurry up, get a move on.

-DISTANT KNOCKING

-Hello?

-Do you know who Joe Strummer was?

-No, who's that?

-He was a legend.

See, that's something else I can teach you about.

I'll put some Clash on your phone for you if you want. How about that?

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea.

See, I can teach you loads of stuff.

Not just about how to get out of trouble!

It's a bit late for that, don't you think?

-She's trying her best.

-Her best?

Really? What, her best is stealing from the one person who can get us the tenancy?

We don't have to borrow off Phil. I got some knock-offs we can flog.

I'm not going to go round Walford selling DVDs.

It's just a couple of movies.

-I could sell 'em!

-BOTH: No!

Look, Phil is not going to lend us the money anyway, so we haven't got any choice, have we?

I had a contretemps with a neighbour and now they've taken the flat off me.

-I'm homeless.

-What about all our things?

-I packed what I could.

-Yeah, none of my stuff, then?

-They'll have cleared it all out by now. House clearance an' all that.

What actually happened, Mum?

This girl moved in next door and it all went downhill from there.

She got an ASBO and I got evicted.

It's not very nice, but I've got to get to work, without a shower.

We've got to get our stuff.

Greg?

-Greg!

-Yeah?

-Could you go back to the flat with Mum and Rainie?

-Why don't you go?

Look, I've got to work.

-See ya.

-Yeah, fine, I'll go.

Leave as much there as you can, I'll just try and get someone to pick it up, all right?

All right?

Yeah, you know, he wanted to help, but I said we'd be fine.

What do you want?

I've got a business proposition.

-Look, there's been a huge misunderstanding.

-What?

How about, if I give you my phone, you give me my old job back,

we'll just forget everything?

Look, it's bare sick, this, Phil...

Mr Mitchell. Look, it's got 3G, FireWire, MP3, video.

-Does everything.

-It's nicked.

No, it's mine. It's my phone.

It was a present.

So what do you say?

Hm. It's nice.

So, can I have my old job back, please?

-Nah.

-Why?

Cos you're a rotten little thief, and I don't trust you.

Shut the door.

-I don't know why he got you round, Greg, it's only a door.

-Did I know you were going to turn up?

Well, looks like it's under control anyway, eh? Erm, can I borrow your shower, Max?

Course. I'll just grab you a towel.

Getting into my bathroom's trouble enough with Tanya and the girls, let alone Cora and Rainie.

-How long they moving in for?

-Don't ask. They've gone round Cora's to pick her junk.

More clothes, more shoes, more bits in the bathroom.

-Did Tanya go with them?

-Yeah. I've got a feeling the old bag's going to stay forever.

The shower'll be the last of your worries. Your whisky, your money...

-Well, he's the expert on families(!)

-Who's rattled your cage?

-Where's that shower?

You like doling out all the advice, with your family around you. We're not all so lucky.

Ain't my fault, is it? You don't hear me complaining cos you've got all the hair. I just get on with it.

-We've all got crosses to bear.

-Yeah, we have!

-Mine's a shiny head, yours is crushing loneliness.

-Excuse me for having a dead baby and a wife in prison.

-Right, I'll just go...

Sorry, Greg, top of the stairs.

-You've got a daughter across the street, go and spend some time with her.

-I will!

-What colour are you doing that?

-It's...blue.

-Very nice.

Where's Frank?

-HE CHUCKLES

-He, er... He flew out the window.

I thought working with you would be a total nightmare. But it's a laugh.

You won't be laughing when I buy you and your family out of Walford.

Yeah, I can see it now.

You running the R&R. Name above the door in the Vic.

-Renaming the caff Frank's...

-HE CHUCKLES

-..and no-one to share it with.

-STEPS APPROACH

I know you asked me to patch up the exhaust on the Jag weeks ago

and I ain't got round to it, I'm sorry, but I'll do it today.

-I didn't get you in here to have a go.

-What for, then?

-Here you are.

3G, wireless, video, the works. It's yours.

You being serious?

-Yeah, you've been working hard lately. I appreciate it.

-Thank you, Phil. That's proper sweet.

-So do we hug now, or...?

-What do you think, eh?

Safe, then.

-Oh, and, er...get that exhaust fixed, yeah?

-Yeah, will do.

Families, eh?

-Amy! Amy, it's Daddy! It's Daddy.

-Hello!

Hello, darling. All good?

-Yes.

-I didn't think you wanted me to follow you the other day.

Thank you, thank you. The less said about that, the better.

So what's with the urgent parenting?

I just wanted to spend some quality time with her, that's all.

-You haven't got anything planned?

-Yeah! Laundry, cleaning...

I don't know how I had time to run the R&R anyway.

Why don't you go and do something nice for yourself? Get your hair done or something.

-Are you saying I look a state?

-No.

-Then, what?

-I'm just saying, why don't you chill out?

Do something nice for yourself.

Shall we go out? Come on, then! Give us a kiss. Give us a kiss.

-Whoo-hoo!

-SHE LAUGHS

We'll go and get something nice!

ALFIE SIGHS

-All right, smiler. What, your horse come in or something?

-Um...something like that.

-I've got another date tonight.

-Oh, no. No.

-I'm dating! I'm in the dating game!

It's amazing what you can do with lying about a dead wife, innit, eh?

It's made me realise where I've been going wrong all these years.

In the past, I've lied to keep women.

What I should have been doing is lying to get them in the first place.

They always find out in the end, mate. Seriously, Kat can smell it from miles away.

She can tell just by me walking up the stairs.

-Do you think it would work with other women?

-What?

-This widower thing. Cheryl Cole's single, ain't she?

Yes, mate, what can I get you. Large?

Er, what are you doing in here all by yourself, Tiffany?

Grandma Carol sent me to get cakes for my superhero party.

-Ooh.

-Don't do cakes in here.

-Oh.

-Well, who needs cakes when you've got loads of presents?

-NOW you want to give me presents?

-Don't be ungrateful, Tiffany.

-What are they for?

-Well, because I...

Because you have been working very, very hard at school recently.

And it doesn't go unnoticed.

-What's the problem?

-You only notice me when you want something.

Anyway, it's the school holiday!

Excuse me, I have a party to get to.

-Phil.

-Bye, Tiff.

HE CHUCKLES

-Come on.

-(Shh! ASBO!)

We ain't got long. I'll make a start on the bedroom.

Stinks in here.

I'll chuck some stuff in a bag.

How d'you stop yourself from slipping up?

Well, I just keep telling myself that me and Jane ain't going to be together any more.

Just keep saying it over and over in me head until it's...like she's dead.

Don't that upset you?

-How do you mean?

-Well, come on, you know and I know it ain't cos she's six feet under.

It's... Well, I hate saying it, mate, but it's cos she didn't love you no more.

-It's Bobby's dad, isn't it?

-Er...yeah.

I'm Fiona Walker, Maia's mum.

Oh, er...hi. Bobby's always talking about Maia.

-I just had to say, you're doing an amazing job with Bobby. He's such a happy boy.

-Thank you.

Maia said he's always talking about Jane.

It's great you have such a healthy way of dealing with grief.

Yeah. You, er... You do what you can.

If that gets too much, I've got some DVDs in my bag. Three for a tenner?

No, thank you. I've got to try and finish this. Ronnie gave it to me.

I've got no excuse now, have I?

Lo. Come in.

-What would I want to eat in this dump for?

-Charming.

-Am I talking to you?

-Calm down, all right?

Nice, Billy. Really, really nice.

Oi!

What's the matter with you? I'm stood right here, you thieving little cow!

-Rox, I'm really sorry. Let me get you that tea, eh?

-No. Don't bother, all right?

I'm watching you.

-Don't drop her in it. We're supposed to be watching out for her!

-What?

-You can't help yourself, can you?

-I was trying to get us some money for the new place.

-I want to do my bit for the family.

-See?

-Thieving ain't going to do it!

-But she's trying.

Trying? All you're doing is getting into trouble!

Well, we'll have to stop that from happening!

-And how are you going to do that?

-I don't know!

We'll get her a job. We'll get...get you your old job back, eh? That'll keep you busy.

How about that, Lo? Come on. Working back here.

-All right?

-Yeah, you?

Yeah.

-If you want me to move out of yours, I will.

-You don't have to do that.

No, I understand. It's fine.

-What are you talking about?

-Nothing.

-I just... I'm just not a charity case, that's all.

-Rai!

I don't want you and Greg to think that you're stuck with me, just cos they're taking this place away.

We don't think we're stuck with you.

Honestly, we don't.

You're my sister.

Why'd you leave here then?

It wasn't cos of you.

It was never about you!

Rai...

Rai, there were loads of reasons.

You were never one of them.

Max got me pregnant for a start.

Yeah, I remember him always coming round here, telling us we needed insurance

for this and that and there was him, not even taking any precautions with you!

-If Dad was still around, he'd have had something to say about that.

-Yeah, I know.

Mum left that down here, so she didn't have to go upstairs after a heavy night.

Most nights then, eh?

Yeah.

How could you bear to be around it?

Just a bed, innit.

(No.)

I wanted to help out, but...

when Dad became ill, you just kept him to yourself.

I was trying to think of you, Rai.

I didn't want both our memories of Dad to be about all this. I didn't...

Less chatting, more packing.

I want to go next door and give her a piece of my mind.

You don't want to get involved with that chav.

Long time since the three of us have been here together.

Yeah, well, that's having three kids for you, innit?

Here. Maybe you should show 'em them.

The Cross-country Cross sisters.

Last time I ran anywhere it was for the January sales!

Mine was probably from a crack dealer!

I don't know who I'm more proud of.

With most children, they learn about death when they lose a pet,

but with Bobby, I mean, obviously it was his mum.

It's so sad.

-It's been lovely talking to you, but I have to pick up Maia.

-Yeah.

You're an inspiration, really you are.

Thank you.

Ian, listen.

A bit of mate to mate barman advice. Just be careful, cos you ain't superman.

-What?

-So just take it...

Ian?

Here's my number.

Call me. Any time.

See that, mate?

I'm like women's kryptonite.

See, we want to get started as a family.

-You know, another Mitchell home on the Square.

-Mind now.

-What's that got to do with me?

-Well, it's a bit awkward.

We was wondering if you could help us out with the tenancy agreement on our flat

and we were also thinking whether...

you could give us Lola's phone back?

It's just, she thought she was exchanging it for her old job, you know what kids are like!

Just a bit of a misunderstanding, really. No harm done.

If there's no harm done, why'd you want it back?

-She's just a kid, Phil. A mobile's a big thing for her.

-She's not a bad kid.

Well, too late. I've sold it.

What you've got to realise is no-one cares about toerags like you lot.

-The sooner she realises that, the better.

-Tut!

And what you've got to learn Phil, is that one day you'll meet a bigger bully.

Yeah, well, I ain't met him yet.

DOOR SLAMS

-Mum, let me carry those for you.

-Shh!

-No, Mum, just leave it there, let me take that bag.

-Be quiet!

-You ain't supposed to be here!

-You've got a nerve!

-You're the one with the ASBO,

-this is our home and now we can't come back here.

-Is that what she told you?

-Ignore her.

-Wait a minute.

-Let's go.

Oi!

Music on every night.

Men around all hours.

-She

-poured bleach on my plants,

glued my locks!

I have nothing to apologise for.

SHE made my life hell.

That's typical of you, innit? Just making everyone else's life a misery, doing exactly what you want.

I dunno why I believed you?

I've just been to the community centre for a spinning class.

-Jane used to do a spinning class.

-Did she?

Yeah. On a Tuesday and a Thursday she'd go for a spin.

It's the little things, isn't it?

They catch you out. Do you find that?

Yeah.

Like what?

I don't know.

I think sometimes you talk about Jane, but you're not really talking about her.

You're saying what you think people want to hear. Rather than what you really want to say.

There's nothing to say, really.

I understand.

-I find it hard to watch television these days.

-Why's that?

It's the remote controls.

We used to hold them together with one of her stretchy things.

OK.

That's it.

It's OK.

Bobby lost it.

The stretchy thing. And now there's nothing keeping the remotes together,

so every time I look at the remotes, it reminds me of me and Jane.

-And the fact that nothing's keeping us together any more.

-Oh, Ian.

-She doesn't love me any more.

-She does!

She's up there. She's still in love with you.

Shall I come over?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.

HE MOUTHS

Argh!

Argh...argh..argh!

Ow!

TOP GEAR PLAYS LOUDLY