08/01/2012 EastEnders Omnibus

EXAMPLE BLARES FROM VAN

# If we don't kid ourselves

# Will they believe us if we tell them the reasons why?

# Did we take it... #

MUSIC STOPS

Why don't you show a bit of respect?

-Shall I get you some breakfast?

-No, Liam's done it.

Yeah, he made Morgan's, too.

I'll take them out later, if you want. Take their minds off things.

Coffee? It is still just coffee in the mornings?

Bring on the world.

Hey? What's that?

Something Nana Pat used to say.

Are you going to cry every time someone says her name?

Yeah. Every single time.

Any tea going?

Yeah, there would be. If you filled the kettle.

Do you like Nana Pat's card?

See, see? Said it, didn't I?

-Can you give us a hand with your bedding?

-Yeah, just...

-Need some fresh air?

-What, out here?

-David, erm...

-I'll be in in a minute, Carol.

All right. OK. Take your time.

It ain't going to fill itself, you know.

Pat was on at me for ages to fix this.

WASHING MACHINE HUMS

Just leave 'em.

How is this going to help - sitting in pitch darkness?

Look, I'll be out by the end of the day, OK?

I'm just running some clothes through the machine.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

'Chelle. You got my message, yeah?

Just listen, will you? Yeah, erm... It's Pat.

-KAT ON RADIO:

-Something's broken, Jean.

And I don't see how we can fix it.

-Even the birds have stopped singing out there.

-Oh, yeah?

-Really lovely.

Well, not what's happened, that's not lovely.

It'd just be lovely if Pat could see it all.

But then, they wouldn't be doing it. There'd be no need.

Oh, you know what I mean. It's just funny, isn't it?

When you're with family and friends,

you don't REALLY know what they think about you.

JANINE: Yes, it's just come in.

Here, Bill!

Well, I think it's all here...

Look, don't shoot, OK?

I've finally managed to raise most of that money for Pat.

That should put a smile on the old girl's face, eh?

-Give her a nice, happy New Year?

-Yes, I'll be here all morning.

-What?

-You're working?

No, Billy, I'm crossing the Andes by elephant.

Everywhere else is all shut up.

-Another day, another dollar.

-It's like a ghost town.

I'll be sure to clear up, then, won't I?

Being the only business actually open.

-I'll be well ahead of the game.

-Janine...

-What?!

-Is everything all right?

No!

Hey, hey!

-No!

-Come here, come here, it's all right.

It's all right. Come here. All right, sit down, sit down.

Look, I'll... I'll give Michael a ring, yeah?

-Who's that for?

-The Butchers.

It's traditional, isn't it? Can't go round empty-handed.

You might be better off baking one for Phil.

Putting a pair of wire cutters into it,

sending it into the nick.

-Might be the only way to get him out of there.

-Maybe.

See you later.

You know, Jay's right.

They've been waiting for a chance for years.

And all the scores the police have got to settle with your dad,

that's what he's looking at, too. Years.

And that's with good behaviour

and we all know that your old man ain't exactly a choirboy, is he?

So, it might not even be years, Ben. It could be for good.

Richie's right - it could be for good.

Ben!

Ben! Ben!

Oh, ho-ho! Couldn't hear a pin drop out here this morning.

Might've known it'd be one of your lot...spoils it.

Been looking all over for you.

It's only a thought. So, if you hate it, just say so. And it's on us.

We're not looking to make a quick buck or anything.

We thought that because Pat was in the Vic for so long,

we could open up for a couple of hours. Anyone can come in, share their memories.

I think that's a lovely idea.

Yeah, it is. Thanks, Kat. Cheers, thanks a lot.

-I'll spread the word, then, yeah?

-Yeah.

-12 o'clock? See you later.

Maybe we should all wear something really colourful, you know?

You know, some sort of tribute.

Well, we should start thinking about the funeral, though.

-Come on, someone's got to say it.

-Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

We'll have to sort out about the church.

Cathedral, more like. World and his wife'll want to come.

Have to see who wants to speak.

-You'll want to say something, won't you?

-She'd turn in her grave.

There's the catering. I suppose Ian could do that. Well, it's only fair.

-He's known Pat for years.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Mum?

Uncle Norman just wanted to come and pay his respects.

Yeah, I'm so sorry. Really, so sorry.

Janine? Janine.

Look, why don't you stay for a bit?

I know it's awful - you know, us being here and Pat...

Come here, come here.

All right to come in? The door was open.

Yeah, course. Everyone's welcome.

I've brought something over. Something of Pat's.

Right, do you want to come in?

MACHINE RATTLES

Stop that, please.

Oh, sorry. What's wrong?

Pat died last night.

Oh.

I think Janine was trying to pretend that she hadn't, you know?

Anyway, that's all your order there, yeah?

Er, yeah.

And we're really sorry about Pat. You know, please tell Janine.

From both of us.

Yeah, she said you might want to check it all out, you know.

-Make sure everything's there.

-What, now?

Yeah. It can't go back to the suppliers in a month's time if there's stuff missing.

I've got an appointment.

Well, listen, I'm not exactly meant to be here myself, all right?

-I'm just doing a favour.

-I just got my nails done.

-Oh, right.

I'll give Janine a bell, then, shall I? Tell her to come back from Pat's,

only we've got a real crisis on our hands here.

It was Clacton. 1958.

We both went in for this beauty contest - Miss Butlins.

Pat, well, she won it hands down, didn't she?

Me? I wasn't even in the top ten.

-That's where she first met your dad.

-Yeah.

I'm sure she gave one of the judges the eye.

Anyway, we went out on the razzle, didn't we? Celebrating.

And I really wanted to win.

So, I took it - her sash.

Told her we'd lost it going from pub to pub.

And all I've been thinking of...

..ever since I woke up this morning...

..was giving her back Miss Butlins.

Told Libs and Chelsea last night. I got hold of Carly this morning.

Oh, Patrick, they were all so upset.

Do you know, it's one of the happiest times we had,

all bunking down at Pat's. Me and the kids.

Kevin.

It's true what they say, isn't it? The good die young.

-Except Pat weren't exactly young.

-Not exactly good, either.

Yeah. Reckon that's what you liked about her.

That's what I loved about her.

No. Thanks, Carol. No. I do appreciate that, yeah.

Yeah, course I'll be there. All right, yeah. Bye.

You going somewhere?

Kat and Alfie are having some drinks in the Vic for Pat.

-That's nice.

-Yeah.

I did know her too, you know?

-And I liked her.

-And do you think she'd like you at the moment?

-Or is this your way of saying you'd like to be there, as well?

-I ain't saying that.

You're the last thing Bianca needs.

DOORBELL RINGS

I keep doing this, too.

-What was all that about?

-What?

-You and Ricky.

-Why, you interested?

-Course I'm interested.

Because?

-Because...

-Dot's here.

-OK.

Were you actually going to say, because I'm your dad?

Well, I thought you could do with a laugh.

I thought it might be more practical.

I could've brought another cake but the last one didn't seem to go down too well,

-so I thought it'd be more useful.

-What might?

-Frank's plaque.

-Yeah, Dot's volunteered to look after it.

Pat used to keep it ever so shiny.

Oh, I don't mean that you wouldn't, of course,

and I don't want to intrude if you don't think it's my place.

That'd be really lovely, Dot.

I could go now. Give it a quick rub.

-What do you think?

-What do you reckon?

I'd say that was the sort of offer that Dad couldn't refuse.

THEY LAUGH

You go and give it a little rub, Dot.

Any time.

What?

Tiff did that...

..for Nana Pat.

That the best you can do? Come here, Morgan.

You need help.

-Finally decided to come back, have you?

-Listen, Shirl.

Morning.

Yeah.

-Fag break?

-I don't smoke.

Neither do I.

-Should we put some grub out?

-Oh, that's a great idea.

Nothing fancy, just crisps and nuts and that.

You and Alfie sort it. Me and Anthony'll finish off.

-Actually, me and Ant are nipping down to the cash and carry.

-Since when?

-Don't want to run out of booze.

-We've got enough to sink a ship.

-Just in case.

-I think it's lovely. Well, it's not lovely, but...

-She's off again.

-It's just everyone rallying round.

-It's what the Duchess would have done.

Never mind Peggy. It's what you two are doing together.

-You and Kat.

-Ant, come on. Let's go.

Their chief witness will withdraw their statement. That's what Richie's been told.

And is that going to be it?

If they go back on what they've said, they're going to drop everything?

Unless my mystery admirer starts up again.

Maybe they've shot their bolt.

We've got some news for you, haven't we, Ben?

-Something happened while you were away.

-I know.

I met one of the market boys as I was coming out of the Tube.

I thought Pat was like Mum. Thought she'd go on forever.

I know we weren't the best of mates, but still...

Right. I'll call Mum. She's going to want to know, ain't she?

-Where you going?

-Have a bath. Wash the prison off.

Did you know he was getting out?

I got a whisper, yeah.

So, all that, earlier - about Dad being banged up for years

-and all them scores to settle.

-Freak you, did it? Good.

You remember that. You remember how that felt.

And you keep remembering.

-Why don't we take the car?

-I don't want to drive.

I want to walk, get some exercise. Breathe it in.

AMIRA SCREAMS

-In there.

-What's the matter?

Inside. It's horrible! It's big. Legs - hairy legs.

-I just left Mo in the pub.

-Please!

-All right.

-Look, I'll sort this.

Yeah, Albert Square, please.

About one o'clock. Yeah.

Just get the guy to call me on this number when he gets here.

Great. OK, thanks.

-Ricky.

-What?

-Everything all right?

-What do you think?

My stepmum's just died.

-Bianca's just about to kick me out.

-Is she?

So, what do you think, then? Me and you?

Was it worth it?

No.

-What do you reckon, Ant?

-One bite from that and you're dead.

Doesn't need a bite. It just needs to stare at you. We should call the Marines.

No, SAS. They've got them stun guns.

-Maybe it's the SAS AND the Marines.

-Just get rid of it, will you?

-OK. All right.

-No, that's horrible, it'll crunch.

-So, what do you want me to do?

-Just get it outside.

-How?

-I don't know.

-Pick it up.

-I ain't picking it up! Have you seen the size of it?

-I'm not picking it up.

-Alfie, stand back. I'll do it.

"Stand back, Alfie. I'll do it"?

Be careful, all right, cos they do bite.

HE BARKS

Go on.

Go on, that's it, nearly got it.

Go, go, go. He's got it and all. Well done. Good lad!

Let me get out, let me get out, let me get out.

Make sure it goes over there.

Send him towards the chippy. Go on, over to the chippy.

My hero.

-Alfie, she is seriously fit.

-Amira? Yeah, she's attractive, isn't she?

Attractive? Alfie, she is a goddess.

-So, what was all that about?

-Mmm?

You and Anthony Moon?

Oh, you mean my knight in shining armour.

Sorry, did it bother you?

Why, was it supposed to?

Prefer a meat and potato pie.

Ben?

I just didn't think you'd get out, that's all.

Yeah, well, I have, ain't I? And I will sort this.

I promise you, I will sort it.

What does that mean?

You're going to go round kicking seven bells out of someone?

-We'll have police knocking down our door.

-Am I supposed to just take it?

What did they do? They got you banged up for a couple of days.

-Well, that's enough, ain't it?

-So, you'll give them a chance to put you away even longer?

I ain't having some lowlife having one over on me.

Shirl's right - they tried their best.

They gave it their all. But it didn't work.

Dad, it's over.

-You ready? Or you got other plans?

-No, no.

Right, good. You can drop Tiff off at Jane's with Bobby, yeah?

I'll finish clearing up. It's a perfect chance for you two to get acquainted.

No need, Mum's told me all about you.

Oh, yeah?

-You were with Gran, right?

-Yeah.

-Well, till you walked out on her.

Is that what your mum said?

Actually, she said ran out.

Why don't you two get going, eh?

That's just the start.

I know lots more. Grandad.

-See you later.

-Yeah, see you.

-Motormouth's forgot her gloves.

-Er, right.

-Carol.

-Just give me a minute, yeah?

Take your time.

SHE SOBS

-Here you go.

-Where are we going?

-Over the Vic. Just phoned Jay. He's going to meet us there.

-No, Phil, today is not a day for causing trouble.

-I ain't going to cause trouble.

This is about us showing our respects to Pat.

-All of us, as a family.

-It's a nice idea.

Well, it's not mine. It's Ben's.

BELL RINGS

Listen up, everybody. Shh. Nice and quiet, now.

Come on, we all know why we're here.

And I'm pretty sure a lot of us wish we weren't.

But, Pat was...will always be a...

Well, she meant a lot of things to a lot of different people.

First of all, she was a mum.

She was a grandmum,

an aunty, a friend,

a drinking partner

-and a hell-raiser.

-Oh, I say.

She was all those things and much, much more.

But, to me, Pat will always be number one in our book.

So, everybody, I want you to raise your glasses to Pat.

The one and only.

-ALL:

-The one and only. Pat!

-KAT:

-That was a nice speech.

Well, no, it wasn't so much a speech. Just a few words, that's all.

They're the best kind, ain't they? Straight from the heart.

Yeah, it's always the best way. Say what you mean.

Have it out there. Excuse me.

Don't worry. I'm not stopping.

I haven't come to make a scene, either.

I just wanted to say I'm really sorry...

..about what I did - you didn't deserve that.

I wish it had never happened.

So, why do it, then? You and Ricky - why?

-It really wasn't about Ricky.

-What does that mean?

So, what do you want me to do? Move out?

-You got a better offer?

-You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Not that good, or you wouldn't have hopped into bed with someone else.

-That was a mistake.

-Oh, Ricky, not now, I can't talk about it.

-Alfie.

-You all right, Phil?

Put a drink behind the bar for anyone who wants one. For Pat.

What is this?

And you can be the first. A drink for Denise and Patrick.

-The police have seen sense. That's what it is.

-They let Phil out.

-And he's staying out.

-No hard feelings, though, eh?

-PATRICK: Denise.

-No, it's OK.

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Today of all days. Come on, Patrick.

What was that all about back there?

I heard you, Kat.

On the Nanny Cam. Christmas Day.

Why didn't you tell me how you feel?

You'll tell Jean, but you won't tell me?

Yeah, tell him I'll be out in a minute. Thank you.

It's the first time I've heard you say sorry

and it actually sounded like you meant it.

So, if this wasn't about Ricky, what else was it about?

Or is this just another one of your games?

Her name was Kira, OK?

Ricky didn't even know she'd been born.

And I've stopped myself thinking about her all these years...

..and then, I saw Ricky and...

She was tiny. So tiny.

And I looked at her and I thought - I've done this.

I've finally done something good with my life.

And I promised her I would be good for her, too.

From then on and forever.

And then, the doctors came and...

..she died, Ian.

Died in my arms.

Did you mean that? Everything you said to your dad?

Is it over?

What about you?

Are you going to say anything?

What about?

I was 17.

I was just a kid myself.

And you know what I was like back then.

But I wouldn't have been like that.

Not if she'd have lived. I know I wouldn't.

I would have turned it around.

I would've done it for her.

So, erm, I didn't do it to hurt you.

I meant that.

It's just...

I don't know. When I saw Ricky, it was like turning the clocks back.

Like, being close to him was like being close to her again.

And were you?

-What?

-Closer to her?

No, of course not.

Still, it was fun finding out, wasn't it? There's always a plus side.

You are sick.

You sleep with an ex-boyfriend to try and get close to a dead child

and you think I'm sick?

Sick and very sad.

You know, I feel sorry for you.

Just imagine it - all those days and nights

you've got stretched out in front of you with no-one here.

No-one wanting to be here. Even Pat's gone, now.

It's just you, Ian.

You and your chips and your veg.

Is that really what you want out of your life?

No, course not.

So, you want me to go?

Mandy...

..stay.

Never dull round here, is it?

I hope you're not planning on doing anything stupid.

-Like what?

-Hanging around.

-I've got my mother's funeral to sort out.

-There's a bus in five minutes. Why don't you be under it?

-Keep on like this, Derek, I'll start thinking I'm not welcome.

-You're not.

-So far as you're concerned.

-So far as everyone's concerned.

-That's not the impression I've been getting.

-There you go.

-Ta.

My mum wanted me here and she'd have wanted me to stay.

So, I'm staying.

Cheers.

What is this?

The truth.

-They let Phil go, they've got no case, nothing.

-Well, they got it all wrong!

I'm making sure everyone knows it.

Ben, get out there and clear these up before your dad gets up!

-Well, it wasn't me...

-I flaming well know that! Just get out there!

Ben, go!

-Jean!

-Oh!

Morning...

SHE MOUTHS

See, not as bad as some people.

What nutter wrote that?

Dunno. Wouldn't want to be in their shoes though.

KNOCK AT DOOR >

Hey, sorry, I planned on going to the office...

I'm glad you're here. Mum had a call from the funeral parlour.

-Mum!

-Yeah, we've got to start making up our minds about what we want for her.

Grandma Carol!

Don't need to, I mean, she wrote it down. Least she told me she did.

Show us.

-I don't have it.

-Grandma!

All right, Tiff. I'm coming. Be back in a minute.

You're just so helpful.

I was hardly going to have a conversation with her about it.

Now we don't know what Pat wants for her big send-off, because of you!

It's got to be horses. Black ones. Always liked a show.

He recorded it all on the Nanny Cam.

What's a Nanny Cam?

It doesn't matter, he recorded everything I said.

Well, where is it? Is it recording us now?

Dunno, I can't see it.

But that was a private conversation.

Jean, what am I going to do?

Full English, burnt to a crisp, beautiful.

Carry on like that and you're not going to get the treat I've got for you.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.

What you doing going out dressed like that?

-He went to the shops for me.

-Well, dress properly next time, will you?

Oh, Denise...

What you doing?!

It's a waste of time. I saw Ben pulling the whole lot of them down.

And I'm going out there and putting them all back up again.

What are you hoping to achieve? Another Mitchell war?

What I want is a reason to get up in the morning.

-Cos everything I was, or I am, it's all gone up in smoke, innit?

-Yeah, but yesterday...

Yesterday, yes. Yesterday, it was about Pat.

But, bad men, they can't keep getting away with it, Patrick, they really can't.

Cab's outside! We got everything on the list?

Af, Doctor Who magazines?

Huh? Oh, yeah. Here you go.

You are coming?

-I thought I could look after Kamil.

-Amira's already taken him out.

Tam's just in shock, Afia. He'll come round.

He's just a bit disorientated.

The more familiar faces he sees, the quicker he'll be back to his old self.

I promise.

Right. What else is left on the list?

Big Book Of Incredible Facts.

Yes, of course.

Right, well, that's us, then. Let's go.

Madam...

Thank you.

Morning, gorgeous.

-Hi.

-All right?

-I'm making a coffee, if you want one.

-No, no, I'm good.

-Tea, then?

-No. No, thanks, darling.

Look, I want to see the film on that Nanny Cam.

Well, I've got rid of it now. Long gone.

-So why the silent treatment?

-Ah, Kat, thought I'd take up mime.

-Try harder. You're not meant to talk.

-No, you're right. There's always a hitch with that.

Look, it was just a load of nonsense, all right?

It was stupid me saying stupid words.

Well, you can say a lot more stupid words now cos I made an appointment for us.

For?

-Half twelve today.

-No, Alfie, what for?

Oh. The marriage guidance people.

What? Nah, no, I'm not going to that.

New Year's resolution.

Go on, then.

Live like there's no tomorrow.

Right. So when's the party starting?

Good question.

So, who you inviting?

Er... You?

Is that it?

Well, I'm not inviting Masood and Ian.

-Can't believe the wheels have come off already.

-Mine too,

judging by my distinct lack of hangover

and not waking up with somebody I can't remember meeting.

Hang on, Denise...

Sorry, but, you know, someone's got to stand up, haven't they?

If Shirley ever sees these...

You know what, I'm starting to think you and me have got it sussed.

Compared to that lot anyway.

It feels a bit weird doing this.

Yeah.

Imagine if them two got back together. That'd be really something, wouldn't it?

Yeah.

What are we going to do with all this stuff? Sell it?

Melt it down?

Oh! That was a Christmas present a few years back, from us.

Me and Ricky.

Best you have it, then, eh?

Why don't you take something?

-What? Of Mum's?

-Can't leave empty handed. She would not want that.

I'm leaving now, am I?

You got to go home sooner or later.

That's the tricky part, darling.

I don't exactly have a home at the moment.

-You've got a place in Spain.

-Had.

-I HAD a place.

-What? It didn't work out, then?

Same in New Zealand and my brother.

You don't change, do you?

-What?

-I bet you tried it on with his wife or something.

That's way off the mark, darling.

You'll have to stay here, then.

That depends, job-wise.

You'll find something.

-You're keen.

-I just love having you here.

-How much?

-Oh, don't start.

-This much?

-Stop it!

-Oh, don't tell me this much!

Brought all those things you asked for yesterday.

Just put them on the cabinet, yeah?

Tam? You all right?

Tambo.

Hey...

Gotcha!

Someone's feeling better.

Anyway, the skin graft, did they say how it went?

-Yeah, bit disappointed actually.

-Really? Why?

I wanted it in white but they ran out.

It was a joke. OK?

As in, "Ha-ha, I haven't lost my sense of humour, despite what happened."

-Anything we can do for you while we're here?

-You can ask her to leave.

See, told you.

Tam, I invited Afia. I said we should all be here.

-He's drugged up, he doesn't know what he's saying.

-So why isn't he telling YOU to leave?

So, what we going to do with all this?

I don't remember Pat wearing this.

What's that?

Nothing, no, nothing, just forget... Ricky!

The car lot fire was years ago. What does this matter now?

It obviously mattered to Dad. Otherwise he wouldn't have wrote that, would he?

I can't believe Pat kept it. If this came out, Phil and Dad would've gone down for years.

Some people keep love letters, Pat kept a murder confession.

Romance like that you just can't buy.

Yeah, well, tell that to Phil.

Jean, have you seen Kat at all?

Thanks, darling.

You coming?

All right.

There's the address, it's about 20 minutes in the cab.

Been waiting for it to be delivered.

This is my "big treat", is it?

No, not just for you, it's for all of you.

Oh, ain't you strong(!)

I don't get it. What we looking at here?

You're going to do her up, get her running, and then...

you tell me.

Getaway motor?

-Limo?

-Limo? In that? Get real.

A demolition derby. I don't believe it! I thought you'd be dead against that.

You should be grateful, I was going to enter you without a car!

-We're going to race this?

-Lots of races.

You're going to do this little beauty up, go to the nearest track and hit everything in sight.

And we'll be the last ones running. Yeah, I think I'm up for that.

Boys' toys, what could be better?

We could attach a few machine guns, or a couple of lasers, or something.

Yeah, calm down.

So, what d'you reckon?

-Well, you're going have to teach me mechanics.

-'Bout time, an' all. Nice one, Shirl.

We'll make a Mitchell out of him yet, won't we?

What's all this?

It's all right, it's been dealt with.

What? You knew about this?! Who was it? Denise?

-Laying into her ain't going to do any good, is it?

-You got a better idea?

Yeah, I'll sort it out, all right? I should've done it earlier.

Well, I tell you what, I want this stopped.

And if you don't, I will.

Listen, do you believe in there being something else?

You know, after you're gone?

What, like we're all going to meet on a big white fluffy cloud?

I just don't want this to be it. What's the point, otherwise?

You know, I'd like to see Dad again. And Pat.

-I'd like her to tell us everything's going to be all right.

-D'you know what I'd like her to do?

What?

Just call me.

Eh?

Just call me up...

and, I don't know, have a go at me or something.

Or phone me to say that she's never going to phone me again.

Just a last few words.

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

Oh. It's for my midwife appointment.

I haven't got a clue what I'm going to do.

No-one has, you just got to get on with it.

Me and a baby? A poor defenceless baby depending on me?

-I thought Pat could...

-Well, look, I'll do it instead.

-Oh, yeah. All right.

-Just say the word. Whatever, whenever.

What are we going to do without her, Ricky?

Right, then. Who've you got?

No-one yet. You?

Nope.

Absolutely no-one.

Well, so much for the first day of the rest of our lives.

Well, I'll drink to that.

Cheers, darling. Jean, don't look at me like that.

I told him I wasn't going. We don't need it.

I'm saying nothing.

Hey, New Year's Eve, right? We had a dance and that.

Yeah, yeah, it's... Adam, innit?

-Aaron.

-Yeah. Course it is.

I'm just getting my brother a drink, if you fancy joining us?

Well, hello...

-You're drooling.

-I know.

Denise, Denise! The police let him go.

Yes, but it doesn't mean he didn't do anything, does it?

Jean, get Patrick, all right?

-Come in here, darling, let me talk to you.

-I ain't done yet!

-Maybe you should knock it on the head, yeah?

-Kat, you have no idea what Phil Mitchell's done.

-Maybe you should listen to Kat.

-No. Don't you dare.

I miss Kevin too.

He brought Carly and Deano up like they were his own.

-Yeah, but how can you let Phil anywhere near you?

-Phil didn't kill Kevin!

-He did!

-He was involved in the cut-and-shut cars.

-So was Kevin!

He knew what he was doing!

-It was a stupid accident. You know that.

-Yes, but it was Phil! Ultimately, it was him!

When Kevin was dying, he wasn't ranting and raving,

he wasn't blaming Phil.

He was just looking up at the street lamps, thinking it was the sunshine.

That's how you should be remembering him.

Not like this, not like...he was some crusade.

Denise, his last thoughts, they were of you.

-If Kevin was here, it just wouldn't be like this.

-I know, I know.

Come on, let me take you home.

He was a good man.

And the bottom line is that you got to share part of your life with him.

-Take care of her, Patrick.

-Yeah.

Alfie'll be waiting for you.

-Mr Moon?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's me.

And Mrs Moon?

Next question?

The world's longest fingernails currently belong to a woman,

Lee Redmond, and they have reached an astonishing 24 feet 7.8 inches.

Wow. Wouldn't want to give her a manicure, would you?

You wouldn't have to, cos she was in a car crash and she broke them.

So someone else has got the record now.

This place is such a maze.

I mean, does anyone even know where the canteen is?

I'm surprised that the nurses even find their patients.

Actually, Mum, I'm feeling really tired, so...

It's good to see you all and everything, but, you know...

-I need my beauty sleep.

-Oh, OK.

-I'll call Afia in.

-No. No. She's not who I thought she was, OK?

She hid everything from me.

Tamwar, you risked your life for her.

Pure instinct told you to save the girl you love.

-You can't ignore that.

-Look where it got me.

Just spend a couple of minutes with her.

No! Dad, no! OK? I just want to sleep.

OK. You get some sleep, then.

OK, but next time we come you have to start talking to her, OK?

Look at me and your mum. We're talking.

# Edelweiss... #

Really?!

-# Edelweiss... #

-Mum, really...? Syed!

Mum!

He's in enough pain(!)

You keeping that?

Yeah. Thought I might.

Just don't wear it to the funeral.

Get rid of it!

-I still miss Dad, you know.

-Do you really want Phil knowing that you've got that?

Any luck?

No.

What the hell are you wearing?

-Do you like it?

-No. You look like an idiot.

-Oh, cheers.

-Well, that's my pleasure.

If we can't find anything then maybe we should just think about what Pat would want.

We should know.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Janine, we should.

Well, I'm thinking horses. Black ones.

Yeah, yeah, she'd love that.

You took your time.

That's cos I'm a thoughtful, delicate soul.

It's all good now.

Better than good.

Still no sign of your wife.

So. Tell me, Mr Moon.

It's OK, you can call me Alfie.

Alfie.

Alfie...

Tell me, what would you most like to gain from this session?

What would I like to gain?

I'd like my wife, Kat, to know that what we've got is still magic.

And, you know, that I still love her.

You never tell her that?

Yeah, course I tell her. I'm always telling her.

I'm always in the pub going, "Kat, love you."

Always. Just maybe not...

maybe just not the right time lately. That's all.

So why wait for the right time?

In fact, it would make it the right time, wouldn't it?

Yeah, yeah, I suppose, yeah.

-I'm presuming that Kat wants to hear it.

-Mmm.

Yeah...

We just need some choice words, you know, to get the ship back on course.

Alfie, you have to start by being honest with yourselves.

Opening up to each other is always the first step.

Yeah, I thought you'd say that.

But you're not doing it. Do you know why?

Have you got any easier questions?

I'm happy to answer all your questions, I just thought,

start at the easy ones then we can work up to the big ones, yeah?

I'd have thought that was an easy question.

I'm sorry.

-Oh, but you did nothing wrong.

-Yeah, but it all just caught up with me

and I kept seeing Kevin in my head.

I understand.

Well, you know sometimes things get hold of you and you can't get free.

Yeah, but it's always him. The "don" of the square.

Yeah, Phil is Phil, but we don't want anything at all to do with him.

I know blokes like him.

-They think they're untouchable, can get away with anything.

-Denise...

But, I know. Patrick, I know.

There's going to be more stuff hidden away, more blood on his hands.

And it's going to catch up with him and I'll be there cheering when it does.

Yes, that might be the case, but until then, you have to let it go.

All right?

We sanded it down, re-varnished it, added a protective coat

and, lo and behold, we're looking at a fully functional door.

Right. Amazing.

It's what we do. Doors.

And windows.

Excuse me, just got to visit the little boys' room.

Me too. You can tell we're brothers, same size bladders.

Yeah...

Doors... Windows...

Does he ever shut up?

I'm going to go home and sew my ears back on.

Tell me about it. I must have been absolutely wasted last time.

He's so boring!

Can we just go?

I'll get the cheque.

All right, Syed, how's Tamwar?

Yeah, he's all right. He's got a long way to go yet.

-Boys!

-Listen, it's been great, but me and Christian really...

We were just thinking this would be a lot more fun if we took it back to my place.

-That is, if you're game.

-Christian!

-Excuse me?

Can I get the bill?

-Hi, Rick.

-Hi.

-Pat's favourite.

Nice one. Listen, I was just nipping out.

The others are in the lounge, all right?

Our problems, they're not huge. They're like a bit rock'n'roll.

-It's the way we've always been.

-Is that true? Or is it perhaps just a cover up?

No, course it's true, honest to God, swear to you.

Sitting here the last few minutes has really well and truly sorted me out.

You! You are a clever girl and there is a medal in the post on its way to you.

Running away won't help.

No.

No, no, no, I'm not running away, I'm running towards my wife.

And that's because of you. So, thank you, and take care.

Sorry, Alfie, it was kicking off a bit.

-It's all right, it don't matter.

-Oi! I'm here, I turned up, didn't I?

Yeah, she didn't. The counsellor.

-You're joking, what a cheek.

-These people, eh?

Hold on, that might be a sign, that might mean that we're all right.

Yeah.

You definitely ain't seen a note laying around?

No, it's a letter, Bianca. No, it's not from Mandy, it's from my dad.

-Cheers, Patrick.

-Oh, no, no, no. On the house.

You sure? There's loads here.

No, Pat would want somebody to look after you.

I thought Shirley made it clear. I want these cleared away. Destroyed. Never to be seen again.

-I'm sure that's the last of them.

-I'm telling you to make sure.

-Phil...

-What?

-Look, it's not my problem.

I can make it your problem, now do as you're told, shut up shop, and get hold of that stupid cow, Denise.

-Look at big strong Daddy!

-We need to make some more phone calls, find more retailers we can supply to.

He'll be a big businessman and make everything fabulous. You'll have everything you want.

-Stop filling her head with that.

-She doesn't understand.

It's still pressure.

We're in a thriving market. London will never go out of fashion.

-All the same, I'm thinking along the lines of trying to get hold of a market stall.

-What?

Well, then we've got two outlets, you know, traders and the public.

-Have you seen the people on the market stalls?

-Well, yeah. And?

Their skin is all wrinkled and weather beaten.

That is so not me, old before my time.

-Yeah, well, I happen to like the old sailor look.

-What? Christian?

Where are you going?

-To get a coffee.

-Wait up, we'll come.

-I'll only be five minutes.

-And we can talk stall.

-We just did.

-I still need convincing.

Besides, it's quite nice us three just hanging out.

Sorry about Jane bailing on us last night.

I'm not.

I take it your brother didn't mind, then.

I told him three's a crowd...

Take the day off. >

Morning.

Morning.

Go on, we could do something together.

-I can't, I'm way behind after going to see Tam.

-I never get to see you.

Why couldn't I come to the hospital yesterday?

-He doesn't want too many people around him.

-He is my brother. I love him as much as you do.

I'll tell you what, why don't I show you the boxing gym.

Isn't that the waiter from last night?

Is it? No idea.

He looks happy.

Does he?

Morning.

It's called the Queen Vic, on the corner, opposite the market. You can't miss us.

Thank you.

I tell you what, I'll have a chat with Mrs Moon

and then I shall ring back to confirm.

Lovely, thank you. Bye-bye.

Have a chat with Mrs Moon about what?

You around today?

-I'm always around.

-Good.

-Right, and?

-Well... Cheers, mate! I'll be with you soon, all right, thanks.

-See ya.

That was the marriage guidance org...

Hold on, just hear me out, OK?

They're apologising for the no-show yesterday and are sending someone round today, OK?

I thought we weren't going to bother. Like yesterday was a sign.

Well, think of today as a second sign, which cancels the first sign.

-Alfie, do I have to do this?

-Kat, you want this as much as I do, don't you?

We need to get the old magic back. Am I right? Yes, am I right?

Course I'm right.

Right, let me go and square up with the bloke.

Your nana Pat, she always put too much sugar on it when I was a kid.

I used to love it.

Grandad?

Yes?

I've decided I've forgiven you for running out on Grandma Carol.

-Oh, right, thank you.

-You need a friend when you're sad.

-I'm OK.

-No, you're not.

We're sad too. That's how we know.

When will it go away, feeling this sad?

One day.

Yeah, you'll think of Nana Pat and it'll change from making you feel sad to making you smile.

That happen with Billie?

Yeah. You know, all I've got is good thoughts now.

-Can I go and watch telly?

-Yeah, course you can. Don't make a mess.

Ah.

-So, what's happening with Ricky and Bianca?

-Oh, I don't know.

-You said you would tell me.

-I was just shutting you up, wasn't I?

It wasn't really the right time. They ain't getting on though.

So, find the letter, did ya?

It was me dad's, all right? Ask Janine.

-Actually, no, don't ask Janine. It was in my back pocket.

-Yeah, I'll bet.

-Patrick gave us all this stuff for free.

-Now, there's a sweet man.

Write that down, did ya?

-What?

-I never said anything.

Who is she?

-What?

-Who is she?

Has Ricky...

Bianca? Bianca?!

-Just forget it, all right.

-Who was it?

I'll go and ask Ricky.

Oh, no, just stop. Just stop! Shut the door.

Go on.

-It was Mandy...

-I'll kill her.

-I'll kill him first!

-Just stop it! Just stop it, both of you, I just can't deal with this right now...

I've never liked that bloke, never.

Come here. No-one does that to my daughter, no-one.

What is it with you men? Come here, darling.

-Hello, again.

-That seat's taken.

-Is now.

-I meant that...

-I was going to play this cool, but who am I kidding?

In my whole life, I have never seen anyone as beautiful as you.

I'm sure you have, once or twice.

You know, it's like there's a big light coming down from the sky and it's just landed on you.

OK, first line was good, second line was a bit cheesy.

-How about I take your number?

-Excuse me? I'm a married woman.

-You are going to waste.

-Anthony, that was so not a good chat-up line.

That wasn't a line.

Cos someone like you, someone as lovely as you, deserves better.

-Syed's...

-Right here.

Hello, mate, you all right? Just keeping your seat warm, that's all.

Sorry...

What did he want?

-Me.

-And?

-Sy...

-I was just asking. I'd better get off.

-Where to this time?

-It's just one of those days.

One of those days where we break the rules and hang out for the hell of it.

Maybe some other time, yeah? Bye.

Where are you going? Your daughter needs you.

Well, you were doing fine on your own.

Anyway, you made me feel like I wasn't needed.

Always running away, that's your first instinct, isn't it, eh?

-Nothing changes, does it?

-I'm no good at all that stuff.

You know that. It's never been my strong point.

Yeah, we could write a book the amount of people you bail on.

That's it, Carol. Go low. Don't mind me.

It came out wrong...

Always does with you, don't it?

DOOR SLAMS

A simple hello would've done it.

-You're Pat's son, aren't you?

-David. Yeah.

Hi. Cos you sort of look a bit like her.

-Hopefully you mean a younger version.

-Yes, no...maybe not.

Thanks very much.

I'm Roxy. And they're from my sister as well.

-There's a little note in there.

-Oh, there's two of you, is there?

Yeah. Yeah, she's not around at the moment.

That make you lonely?

Anyway... I'll pop these in a vase.

Thanks.

Right, that car was running earlier and now it ain't.

Got any ideas? Ben?

-Well, engine's rubbish?

-Spot on. You're learning already. I think it might be the distributor.

Now my mate runs that scrap yard down Mile End Road,

go in there, tell him I sent you.

If you can get him down on price, you can keep the difference.

Result.

-So, can you fix it though?

-Lads?

-No problems.

-In our sleep.

Well, come on, then, what are you waiting for?

-See ya.

-See ya later.

-Denise? Denise?

-Yeah?

I, erm... I owe you an apology.

Sorry?

-What's this?

-Read it.

Call the police.

This suit all right? You didn't give me a lot of time.

Yeah, nice bit of smutter. Where's your tie, though?

-In my pocket.

-Right.

-It was in someone else's until I dipped my hand.

-There's a surprise. So you know what you're doing?

-Not really.

-No?

This says you do.

-But what do I say?

-It's very simple. You'll sit with Mrs Moon,

I'm going to sneak off, you'll be on your own with her.

And while you're alone I don't want you flirting and telling her she's beautiful! She is the sort.

-I am reformed, Alfie, trust me.

-All right, whatever. Come on.

You dirty little dog.

You what?

Apparently you've got a little bird on the go. Mandy.

-Look, I don't need this right now, all right?

-Right, out. Clear off.

-What?

-Get out.

-Says who?

-Out.

-You? The man who's cheated on every bird he's been with?

-This ain't about me this time.

-David?

-He's going.

-Wait a sec!

-Get off me!

-You wanted me to get involved, this is me getting involved.

-Why are you still here? No-one does that to my daughter!

-Get off me!

It's not your call! What about the kids? They're upset enough as it is.

-We're all upset, love!

-Which is why we don't need Ricky making it ten times worse.

-They've got us now.

-He is not going anywhere.

-Well, more fool you.

-You are not going to let him stay?!

No, what I need right now is for you and you just to butt out!

You get that?

Don't make yourself too comfortable. See, when you don't run off you make a difference.

Do I?

Yeah, you do to me.

You'll have this one-to-one and let her do a bit of the old chat. Hello, mate.

Have a bit of chat, cos she loves to talk, right.

Then, you look her straight in the eye and you say to her, you say,

"Mrs Moon, you do not have a pro..." All right?

Listen, you say, "Mrs Moon, you do not have a problem.

"In fact, thinking about it, Mrs Moon, I think your marriage is magical."

-See what I'm doing there? And that's the magic word, OK? Magical.

-Magical. Got it!

Cos people have to hear it from others about how well they're doing.

-And that's it?

-That's it.

-Why am I telling her this?

That's not important, Gerry. Just remember the magic word is what? Say it with me...

BOTH: Magical.

Come on, let's go.

You will try and keep Pat out of this?

-Yeah, course. It's Phil I'm after.

-It's about the police now, leave it up to them.

Yeah, I know that. I'm going to take this to them in person. I'm not going to leave until someone reads it.

This is it, got him!

Yeah, I think she's here somewhere. Kat, where are...

Oh, there's my sweetness. Kat, this is Gerry. The marriage man.

Pleased to meet you, Mrs Moon.

There we go. Lovely.

-So, we're all ready now. We're all yours.

-Yes, right...

Well, I'd like to start, if I may, with a few questions

and I'll be taking some notes, if that's all right.

-Yeah, that's all good. You're happy with that, aren't you?

-Yeah. Can't wait.

-Lovely.

MUSIC PLAYS

ENGINE CHOKES

ENGINE STARTS

What you doing?!

You get the picture now? You seeing where we stand, yeah?

Listen, if this is about Kevin, Shirley said it was all sorted.

-No. No, we've gone way beyond that now.

-What are you talking about?

Do you remember Lucas?

Owen?

Yusef?

You wouldn't believe what they did to me. Where they left me, with nothing.

No, I wouldn't!

No, I wouldn't if I was you. I've got nothing to lose!

You'll get done for this.

No. You are the one that's getting done. The best you're going to face is life.

What's this? More threats? Eh?!

Cos you know what, I'm getting sick of this.

I keep getting calls and stuff telling me what I'm supposed to have done.

But none of what you're doing is new. And more than that, none of it's even true.

Tell that to the homeless kid.

Eh?

Died in a fire.

-That jog your memory?

-Who told you about that?

-That ain't all. There's that Stella.

-What's she got to do with this?

-I can see you two up on that roof.

I never touched Stella, all right?

Look at you, you've gone pale.

-Whatever you've heard, it's all lies.

-People, they die all round you, Phil. You're racking them up.

In fact, you're running neck and neck with Lucas.

Just listen to me, all right?

Someone is trying to make a mug of you. They're feeding you lies and stuff. You don't want to do this.

I can see it all. Stella hurt Ben.

It makes sense you'd go after her.

Big, brave dad. You're sticking up for your wimp of a kid.

-Nobody touches my boy.

-No.

-You had to make her pay.

-Stella jumped off of that roof.

Jumped...or pushed?

SHE REVS ENGINE

No! Don't hurt him, please don't hurt him! He didn't do anything, I swear to you!

Please...

You OK, Dad?

Yeah, I'm all right.

I'll be mother.

And what would you say are your best qualities, as a couple?

-Well, we're soul mates, aren't we?

-Mm.

-Born to be together. He's my wind and I'm his rain.

-Wind and rain?

You know what I mean.

And...what first attracted you to Alfie?

-Loads of things.

-There must've been something in particular.

There's a whole list of things.

You know, my dazzling smile, my commanding presence, my raw machismo, my amazing dress sense.

Yeah, all of them(!)

And is the attraction still there?

Yeah. It's never left.

-Alfie?

-Oh, yeah, just coming, Trace.

You said this was important.

Yeah, I know, I'll just be ten minutes.

-But, it's all happening, innit? We're getting back on track.

-Yep.

-Lovely.

He's a very, very lucky man.

Do you reckon, do you?

Hey, Tracey, your timing was spot on. Well done, darling.

I don't know what it is, I'm not feeling the New Year's vibe at all.

-We should be on like our fifth day partying straight by now.

-Who says I ain't been partying?

Yeah, right. You know what? There's no men anywhere.

Maybe for you.

Have you met someone?

He ain't Mr Wonderful but it still makes me one up on you.

You've been dragging your heels, Roxy Mitchell.

Double whisky, please.

What do you reckon of him?

What, Old Father Time? Not my type.

Which is exactly what I wanted to hear. Because I'm about to even the score.

-Babe, not him. He's in mourning, poor bloke.

-And I'm going to cheer him up.

-In response to your earlier enquiry.

-Yeah?

Yes, I'm lonely.

No offence, but I'm meeting someone.

Oh, look, is that mistletoe?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're going to put up a fight, are you?

-I'm just saying, that's all...

-Yeah? Well, you said it all before and I got the message.

Cheers, mate.

Well, do you need to go to hospital or anything?

No, no. I'm all right.

Do we tell anyone?

Nothing happened.

But what she said...

Was just more of nothing. I never touched Stella.

-Yeah. I know that.

-Well, I could've though, for what she did to you.

Evil cow deserved everything she got.

Anyway. Stella's long gone, isn't she? Barely even history.

Shame Denise don't think that.

Listen. Denise is a nutter, all right?

She's been beaten up, tied up, who knows what. There's not a sensible thought left in her head.

-Yeah, but if she's going about stirring...

-She won't. She won't.

Besides, I'm hardly likely to slap down some nutty bird, am I?

I've got standards.

Like I said...

Yeah, it's nothing.

Denise? What did they say?

Mmm?

The police.

The police?

Please, tell me you went to see them...

Maybe we should wait for Alfie...

No, thanks.

We don't click any more.

We can't.

Not while he looks at me the way that he does.

What do you mean by that exactly?

When you look at me, what do you see? Be honest.

A very attractive woman.

No, you see a slapper. A tart. A bit of easy. Yeah?

Alfie was the one man, the only man,

that looked at me like I was a princess.

He'd put a crown on my head if he could.

To be fair, you know,

he does look at you like he's the happiest man in the world.

It's, erm...

magical.

How tight is this dress? How low-cut is this dress?

-You knew what I was as soon as you walked into the room.

-No, I swear...

I'm going to be buried in a boob tube, yeah, I just know it.

And Alfie won't be around because he'll have found a proper princess by then.

So, if you want to do something useful, yeah,

you go downstairs and you tell him it's over.

I knew you'd come to your senses.

Didn't know you had my number, though.

We women have our ways.

Why don't you sit here?

If you insist.

-Where's your kid, then?

-Oh, she's at her grandparents'.

So you're free, then? You fancy doing something?

Going somewhere?

Syed!

I thought you said it was urgent?

Seriously, mate, have you got like a radar or something?

What are you doing?!

-Well?

-Yeah, uh, it was different.

-OK. Right, but you put her right though, yeah?

-Actually, it's...

-Did she get emotional?

-Yeah, loads, loads...

-But, the magic is back though, yeah?

You told her I was great, that everything's great?

Good man! You've got yourself a little Alfie bonus.

-Give my love to your sister, all right? Talk soon.

-All right...

MUSIC PLAYS: # ..to be mad with anyone

# It's not unusual to be sad with anyone

# But if I ever find that you've changed at any time

# It's not unusual to find out I'm in love with you

# Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh... #

Let's go upstairs.

I really shouldn't be doing this.

Why? Your mystery date didn't even show, did she?

What?

As much as I want to...

-No, I can't.

-What?

-I can't.

Wha...?

DOOR SLAMS

You took your time.

Have a good morning?

Yeah, yeah.

Ben's turned out to be a great help.

What were you thinking?

I was thinking I wouldn't mind kissing my husband.

It's not illegal.

I am not your...

Look, don't hang up.

'I need to see you.

'Listen, please.

'Christian, I can't go another second without you.'

-Just listen, please...

-Syed!

BANGING

-Argh!

-What happened?

Oh, my ankle...

Argh...

This...

This proves that Phil Mitchell is a murderer.

And there's more.

I know he killed a woman. Stella Crawford.

Thank you, Ms Fox. Thank you very much indeed.

I'll take it from here.

-All right?

-Yeah. You?

Yeah...

Hurry up, you're late.

-Sorry.

-Yeah, you're late because you're...

-Oi, shut up. I wasn't!

-I saw you.

-Oi!

He's fast, he's efficient, he's...Special Delivery Man!

Kinetic energy transfuser. Every superhero needs one, you see. Eh?

-You've finished your round already? So fast?

-Got my nanospeed jacket!

You should have gone to the hospital last night.

Oh, um...yeah. Oh, it's much better. Where's Syed?

Don't know. Is there a problem?

Um...no. Quite the opposite, actually.

Syed kissed me last night.

-Yeah, I thought I'd treat us.

-Feeling guilty?

Well, you were the one that stood me up, remember?

Yeah. No, I'm sorry about that, but Bianca wanted to talk to me.

Hello, darling. Why aren't you at school?

She had a bad dream. Didn't you, darling?

Mum was crying in the night.

Yeah, well, she was crying about Nana Pat, wasn't she?

Listen, why don't you get your book bag ready

and I'll take you to school later, yeah? All right, darling.

I told you we should have chucked him out.

He's no good, Carol. You can't trust him.

So, you had a nice time at the Vic last night? You never said.

Yeah, so-so, you know.

-Weren't on your own, though, were you?

-No.

I met a bloke who runs a limo company.

He's looking for sales executives in the area.

Well, if I'm going to stick around, I got to put feelers out, ain't I?

Got to familiarise myself with the community.

-One bed at a time?

-Eh?

This bloke, he go by the name of Roxy Mitchell, does he?

-You WERE there?

-Yeah.

You were busy, so I thought I'd just leave you to it.

Oh, come on, Carol. You don't seriously think that...?

Well, I mean she's got her attractions, you can't deny that.

Big...big mouth, bit wild.

Reminds me of someone I used to know...