Jean is horrified to discover from Jack that the gym's investment scheme does not exist. Meanwhile, Zainab's suspicions are aroused by Masood's mysterious behaviour.
Browse content similar to 09/06/2012. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
60 years on the throne, and this is what she gets?
Hello. It's me...again.
I can take a joke, Michael.
"What money?" It was very funny.
It's just that...
I can't sleep at the moment
and I was wondering if...
Well, could you just give me a ring back when you get this?
No. That's not actually where I said.
-But it looks good here, though.
-No, no, I'm events manager
and I'm managing, thank you.
OK, Jean, cavalry's here.
-I didn't order any cavalry.
-No, not a real cavalry - me.
-Jean's doing fine.
Why don't you just go over to Buckingham Palace
-and poke her eye out with a blunt stick?
-It's for the Queen.
-She deserves better than THIS.
-Although I am dealing with this.
-Why don't you get a coffee, Jean?
Rose and I can take over.
I don't want a coffee.
Rose? If we wanted incompetence we'd just leave Jean in charge - no offence.
-That is really not very nice.
-Jean is actually in charge.
So what you doing here? You still ain't told me.
-Alfie left ME to oversee.
-Well, I'm back now.
Oh! It gets worse. Come on, Masood.
-I've got an extra shift at the sorting office.
-But this is meant to be fun!
It's a family day, you know, people celebrating the Jubilee.
-Rose, let's make a list.
-I'm drawing up a list.
-We've got a list.
-But Masood's helping me.
-Bank holiday - double pay.
-So we can afford the new sofa?
-No, we can't afford a new sofa. It's not all about the sofa.
Ray, Mo and me are fine.
-Actually, I could do with spending some time with Morgan.
MASOOD: It's no big secret. Do you want me to get this promotion?
-Yes, but I can't look after Kamil and organise an entire Jubilee!
-Would you all just go, please?
This is meant to be about family.
-I love you.
All right, then. Decorations!
I'm sorting the decorations.
-The decorations do not need sorting. Nothing needs sorting.
-ROXY: Jean, maybe you sho...
-There is a schedule, drawn up by the events manager,
with allotted tasks for allotted people.
None of you are allotted people.
Fresh air, outside - go. Now!
12 o'clock is fine. Yeah, I'm free all day.
Same address as last time?
Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
We'll go for a 1952 theme.
-Uh, it's 2012.
-We're going for 1952.
-We should be celebrating Britain today.
-Tyler! I need you.
-Don't we all!
We've got two full Englishes on Seb Coe,
we've got a scrambled on brown for Radcliffe...
And what was it...
Kim! Extra sausage for Colin Jackson.
What's that - in the Pretty Woman sense of the word, is that?
-It's called customer service.
It'll be customer self-service
if you don't get your backside in that kitchen.
Denise? At the heart of a good business
is a hostess with a good heart, you know?
Earlier today, a phone call - four more bookings for Monday.
-You think it's every day we have a Queen on the throne that long?
-We've got a restaurant to run.
-She doesn't spend that much time on the throne.
-Who cares about the Queen?
-The sooner we have a president the better.
-Why can't Dad look after Kamil?
-You tell me. He's up to something.
I don't know, do I?
-Come on, we need to go!
-OK, fine. OK, just go.
Go have fun together. Do the things that young people do.
-Yeah, like folding napkins - crazy(!)
-Leave me to worry about your father,
to find a babysitter, to organise a party for the entire world...
This is meant to be a family day!
-They ain't back.
Gone for a dirty weekend.
-I saw them go. I just wondered if they might be...
-No, no, no.
So, what was that all about, abolishing the entire monarchy?
You think your mum's going to let us run speed dating?
We're not running speed dating.
Afia, what have you done? Afia!
-You all right, Juice?
-Yeah. Three businesses, one pair of hands...
And a floor full of soap suds. Bobby!
-You know what,
it's a good thing your dad's coming back today then, innit?
-Yeah, he's staying a bit longer. Nurse his broken heart.
And leave you here all by yourself? That ain't fair.
You couldn't take Bobby for a couple of hours again, could you?
Luce, man, I'm working. Mr Hot Pepper sauce, he ain't going to have any of that.
Jack... You seen Michael?
I know that he went to Paris - I saw him go to Paris.
I was just wondering if he was back from Paris. Is everything OK?
Jean, he's not interested, all right?
I hear thing's are going well. Here, I mean, with the gym.
-Yeah, things are heaving.
Ticketty-boo. And the disadvantaged kids project?
-In Your Corner?
-Sorry, you lost me.
You know, getting kids off the street, keeping them out of trouble,
boost their confidence, they do better at school.
In...In Your Corner?
-The money from the council?
You must've got the wrong gym, darling.
Your mother has taken over the Vic's Jubilee celebrations.
I have not taken over anything!
Jean wanted my expertise, your father is acting all weird,
your brother is at the restaurant, so that leaves you.
Well, we've got Yasmin.
Do you want everyone to think that no-one is ready to help your family out?
-No. Christian can babysit.
-Mum, you can't just come in...
-The last time they were together Yasmin bit him.
-She is teething!
He is her uncle, not a rusk! Come on, Syed.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
-Bye-bye. See you.
OK, let me just check, OK?
Erm, Dee, I'm in with you tonight, yeah? Patrick's on the sofa.
-The bookings... The four bookings.
-For NEXT Monday!
It's not my fault, though, is it?
Mondays shouldn't all have the same names.
Time goes so fast.
Right. That is the last of it from the Emporium.
Mum took Dorothy and me to watch the procession.
I had a new hat.
We had the day off school.
So I pitched marbles and played cricket all day.
We went to Jo Langston's house,
her dad bought a telly specially.
-I'd never seen a telly!
-You'd never seen a telly before?
I was a gymslip mum with a baby.
You was a gymslip mum?
You lot think you invented sex.
The Coronation meant a day off from the chicken factory,
a pub full of soldiers, and quick a knee-trembler round the back!
God save the Queen!
Must have come unplugged during the cleaning.
We wouldn't want to miss Alfie, would we? If he rings.
-Jean, is there something you're...
-Why don't you go upstairs? Relax!
I'll be fine, really.
With the customers.
And the party planning.
And the phone.
-Pint of the usual?
-Oh. I'll go and change the barrel.
-We need beer.
Come on, Syed, hurry up!
-What... What is all this old tat?
-We've got enough hands now, thank you.
-Oh, well, if we're really not needed...
-No, no. We want modern, we want fun.
-What is this? The Antiques Roadshow?
Jean? Jean, why is the cellar empty?
Yes... Um... What do you mean, empty?
We had a delivery on Thursday.
That's right... Oh, yeah, it was short.
Jean, where's all the food?
-For the party?
-Yes, I... I placed the order.
I said she wasn't coping.
So I'm missing time with my son for this?!
It's a bank holiday! Where am I supposed to get stuff from?
Well, they still had rationing, didn't they, back then? In 1952.
-Yeah, let's all eat Spam.
It's OK. I've got a plan.
-Come on, Patrick.
-Yeah. Come on, Syed.
-No, I've got a plan!
No, no. Everything's fine!
Toasting the Queen and all that.
No, there's nothing for you to be worried about.
That's wonderful! Really wonderful.
-See you then.
-Jean...? Hello? I said I wanted a word.
And you can have a word. On Wednesday.
When Alfie comes home.
Right here. Like my dad and Pat had.
A big marquee. An enormous marquee.
And the country club? The deposit on that, we just...?
-It's only money.
We can have waiters serving champagne,
and the unwashed watching.
Lovely. You going to trade me up as well, are you?
Now there's an idea.
I hate you.
I hate you too.
-Why are you going against me? We agreed.
-You're just worried what Mummy might say.
No, I'm not, OK. Why do you do this?
You wind her up.
Look, I want to run speed dating, so I'm running speed dating.
Yeah, cos you know she'll hate it.
Because I want to make a success of this place!
-Is that so wrong?
-OK. Why don't you just tell her, then?
Because she hijacks everything!
No... Actually, she can be quite reasonable.
Right. I need beer, lots of it. Now. Syed!
The trick is, you gotta try and block out everything that's going on around you.
-You gotta block out.
-Fascinating. Is that how you do it?
Just gotta focus on the torch.
Very proud of you, Billy.
A lot of people, they wouldn't be able to do that.
But me? Focused.
Would you like to show me where you're going to hand it over?
Along here, ain't it?
-Yeah. Right, you see, technically, it's not actually a torch relay.
You see, I've got a torch, the bloke before me's got a torch...
Hurry up, Syed!
Don't just stand there.
That wonderful lady's spent 60 years cutting ribbons for this.
-I didn't realise you had the other two.
-Well, I said I'd help, didn't I?
What with your dad still being away. Cruise ends today, don't it?
He's staying a bit longer in Hong Kong.
What, and leaving you with everything?
Didn't want to waste his honeymoon. Be back at the end of the week.
Why don't I just give Jane a ring, eh?
No, honest. He'll be back soon.
I can have a break then.
Lucy, has something happened?
You can talk to me.
What are uncles for, eh?
Look, if you could have Bobby for a few hours...
Darling, you can tell me anything. Anything at all.
I have to check the chippy.
-I'm going to call Jane later...
-You don't have to.
-She needs to know if your dad is...
-I already told her.
-Yeah. We're going over soon.
You've already got two kids. Bobby will be OK with me.
We're fine. I'm good. Honestly. We are fine.
Had Jean in here earlier.
-What are you thinking? Woman's got a serious crush on you.
-Want to tell her it's all in her head.
So you're doing OK over there then, are you?
Renting out tents in the back yard by now?
Capable is my middle name. Just like yours is Celeste.
-Put these on my bill, please?
-Ah, no. Your credit's run out.
Oh, come on, it's our business.
This is my business too!
And, sorry, if this is OUR business, why am I doing all the work?
-Paying all the bills?
-I'm working, I'm working!
Oh, what? Stealing toilet rolls? No, it's cash only.
And that shouldn't be a problem for a girl called Capable!
ALL SHOUTING EXCITEDLY
-What are they doing?
-They're coming up.
Oi! Help me, help me, help me!
SHOUTING CONTINUES IN DISTANCE
All right! Haul it back, haul it back. >
-You messed up the order!
-That's got nothing to do with it.
No? So why would Alfie take the VAT money to buy a present for Kat?
I don't know! I'm not a mind reader.
-Someone order a party?
-I told you I'd sort it.
Oh, yeah. Unfortunately, there was no need.
Thank you. You lot are lifesavers. Thank you, thank you.
-All right, Jean.
-How was Paris?
-Yeah, yeah. It was good. Yeah, sweet.
I wondered if we could have a little word.
Have a good one.
-We've got a buffet to run.
Rahul can cope for a while. It's all right.
OK. If you want to do this, you tell her.
-She won't get it.
-Afia, you know where lies get you.
I'll be there by your side.
Bobby? You know what you said earlier? About calling Jane?
I didn't. I lied. You said if I told her, I'd have to go stay with her!
And you said if anybody found out, they'd split us up.
If you're looking for pies, we ain't got any.
Do I look like I eat pies?
Best of British. But they're late, just like the trains.
I'm going to go to the chippy.
Stay with me here if you want.
Someone has to keep an eye on the chippy.
-So, what can I get you?
-Your dad not back yet?
No, he's still away.
-Be back at the end of the week.
-Janine's not a charity, Lucy.
Ian has borrowed a lot of money. I'm not going to wait for ever.
-So I suggest you tap up your sugardaddy.
-Phil gave you money last week!
-Dad'll be back at the end of the week! So why don't you back off?
Back in pram.
Masood's not having an affair!
He's done it before. Salt, please. He's up to something.
Yes, he's doing extra shifts!
Chillies, please. Thank you.
Masood's never had an affair before. You'd left him... Oh!
-For MY boyfriend.
-Is that really the point here?
It's all in your head, cos you ain't getting any.
He's not getting any, either.
I spent enough months on that exercise bike to know
what I'm talking about. It's a wonder you don't self-combust.
-You still here?
-Yes. That has no taste whatsoever!
-There's a tub of curry powder in there!
-Who uses curry powder
to cook things? Call yourself a chef?
It's coronation chicken. Created for the Coronation.
It's a wonder she didn't abdicate straight away.
Look at you, hot stuff! Surrounded by all these ladies.
Just can't keep 'em away.
Like kids in a candy store.
Babe, can you rustle me up 15 meals, please?
I'm busy up to my eyeballs, babe. Sorry.
Oh. Just that they reckon I said dinner that was in the booking!
Anything else today?
Fatima Whitbread's pipes are blocked.
And I'm sorting out the dinner! So how can I sort out the toilets as well? Catch you later, babe.
Right. It is sorted. We are having chicken tikka.
-Britain's favourite dish.
-We're having coronation chicken.
Some of us didn't leave our taste buds behind in 1952.
You know what, yeah? Sort it out amongst yourselves. I'm going to go and see my boy.
Jean's got the food under control.
Oh, really? Where is she, then?
I thought you'd be at the Vic?
I...try to help...
That's what I do, isn't it?
I try to help...
..and then I just make things worse.
-I've made things worse all over again.
You know...this has got to stop.
This has... This has got to stop. Right now.
Seen your brother?
-What's he done now?
-Someone takes after his old man.
Oh, where's your dad? I need to ask him something.
-Dad? No, he's away.
I don't know. He went this weekend. Great chips, by the way.
You know, when Alfie gets back, he's going to say, "Yes, yes. The girl done good."
You? You ain't done none of it.
And you? What did you do? I got the booze.
I think you'll find I got the booze.
Shame you can't come to the procession with us tomorrow.
Stuck in that pokey little shop.
-There's nothing pokey about...
-Oi, oi, all right, yes. We all did brilliantly, didn't we?
So we can manage without you now.
-To the Queen.
-To the Queen!
This what you call working, is it?
Oh, do me a favour. I've been on my feet all day.
-There are chip wrappers all over the sitting room floor.
-Go and pick them up, then!
-You clear 'em up. I've been unblocking Fatima Whitbread.
Get down off your high horse, man. You're going to give yourself vertigo.
Do you know what? Sisters, you said. New start, you said.
You and me, a B&B. Just like Mum's old one. Actually, it is.
-Just like Mum's old one.
-I'm doing all the work!
Oh, please! Someone give me an aspirin. Look, we've only been open a few days!
Kim, you don't do the breakfasts, you don't do the bookings right, you never clean the toilets...
I've got a thing about U-bends!
What is it that you actually DO do, though, Kim?
Apart from push your puppies out and get your nails done?
-Dee, don't be like this.
-Don't be like what? Like I have been my whole life?
-Here we go.
-Running round, doing your jobs?
-Not in front of people.
Picking up your pieces, dragging you out of skips?
Skip, Dee. Yeah? Singular.
-I am sorry. Do pardon my grammar.
-You're always looking down at me, innit?
-Criticising and judging me. Treating me like I'm a kid.
-Cos you're always messing up!
-Do I judge you?
-Just leave it.
I mean, you marry a mass murderer. Yeah? I mean, do I look down on you?
-Oh, right. It's come down to that one now?
-What's that, your new management technique?
-It's a joke, Dee.
-That is a great way of motivating your staff.
-Get yourself a sense...
-That's how you see me, isn't it, Kim?
-But you are staff!
Well, not any more. Cos I resign.
Tikka bite to celebrate the Queen?
-You need to know something.
I... We're putting on a speed dating event
-That's what I've been working on all day.
-So why lie to me?
We... I thought you'd think it was, you know...
You know what? You speed date all you like. But no more lies.
-Who is she, Masood?
Who is she?
I'm going to get that key, put it on a shoelace
and tie it round your neck.
You hand out free lessons and you lie to me?
-They're not free lessons.
You told me I should stop tutoring Tiff and I didn't want to upset you.
-Oh, well, you didn't do a very good job, did you?
-It makes me happy.
Oh, well, as long as that is all life is about. Tikka bite? Being happy?
-What about your ambition? What about your promotion?
-Wait a minute, did you say "not free lessons"? Tikka bite?
-I'm trying to tell you something!
-No, no, no, you definitely said
-"not free lessons".
-People do pay me, believe it or not.
-Where's the money? Tikka bite?
-Would you just stop...
-No, because if we have the money,
we can afford a sofa! Unless you're gam...bling...
-I'll take those round, shall I?
I wanted to get the money together to do it properly.
I'm sorry, Masood.
But when have you and I ever done anything properly?
You never listen to me. You never let me finish a sentence
or stop telling me what to do. You never cease to embarrass me in front of our children.
But I still love you as much as the first day I saw you.
I'm so going to regret this...
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
Zainab Masood. Would you marry me? Please. Again.
Nothing would make me more happy.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You're still sleeping on the sofa.
I wanted to help, because that's good. Helping people.
Family who need help.
You wouldn't understand.
Do you want to try just putting all those words together to make a sentence?
-Well, then I thought that I need help.
-Well, that's obvious, Jean. Yeah.
I need help. So I thought,
if I put a bit more in, I'd get a bit more out.
Not that it was mine to put in, but it felt like it was,
and that way, everybody gets what they need, everybody wins.
Because some of us think of other people.
Look, my baby's coming! What's your point?
My point is that I knew what I was doing was wrong,
but I didn't think it was wrong, it didn't feel wrong,
-but what he's done is much more wrong...
-What's your point?
FRONT DOOR OPENS
What are you doing here?
I was talking to Janine.
Were you? She's six months pregnant.
He's taken my money.
The money that I saved. He's taken it.
And money from the Vic.
He's taken thousands
for the disadvantaged kids project for the gym.
But there is no disadvantaged kids project.
There is no In Your Corner. He's taken my money.
And I want it back.
LOUD DANCE MUSIC
'Hello, this is Mr Porter, I don't know which of your cleaners
'has been round, but I've just come home after two days
'and I've noticed a couple of things missing.
'I'd be very grateful if you could ring me back as soon as possible.
'End of messages. To delete messages press delete.'
Thank you. Enjoy the parade.
Kim, Colin Jackson wants to find out if the yoghurt is fat free?
-And he says one of the chairs is wobbly.
Well, don't look at me, cos that's Denise's flat-packs.
Yes, they were fine when I did them.
And another thing...
Fatima Whitbread wants full English breakfast with toast
-and black coffee.
Please... Look, Kim.
Why don't we ask Denise to lend us a hand?
Has Hell frozen over?
And it shoots video. Hang on.
Right, say something.
I dunno. Er... nice phone.
Yeah it's great, innit?
So where d'you get it from?
Ah, now that would be telling.
Anyway I've gotta go. Thanks for the coffee.
Yeah, no worries.
Here you go.
SHE CLEARS THROAT
Afia, you know on reflection,
we think that the whole speed-dating thing might not be such a good idea.
But you were fine with it yesterday.
I was a bit distracted.
But it's my business.
Zainab and I have been slow-dating...
we've only just got engaged.
Introducing people to each other for a few seconds
and then expecting them to know whether they are suitable?
What, the same as an arranged marriage, you mean?
Nothing of the sort.
Look, the buffet hasn't worked. We need people in.
So if this event goes well, well they might stay and have a meal...
Yes, but speed-dating?
Mum, look let me reassure you. each person is invited to
bring along a chaperone or a mahram with them.
And also there's going to be a Muslim scholar on hand
to explain the importance and cultural significance of marriage, so it's fine.
Well... in that case.
With the importance of marriage and... Yeah, that's good for me.
I think we should let them get on with it.
OK, right. Thank you.
But don't think we won't be there.
A Muslim scholar? Mahrams? Are you kidding me?
No one's going to turn up, and if they do, they defo won't be my kind.
I said he'd be on hand, I didn't say he was coming.
And as for the chaperones, are you mad?
Oh. Right. Yeah, 'cos I want the fittest ones for myself.
Yeah, of course you do. What?
-You know I'd love to.
Yeah, you know, Her Majesty's Jubilee parade?
Like the horses, the carts, the boats...
Oh, it would make my day.
It's just a shame I can't do it.
I'm working and this guy's got me working like I don't know what.
How are you doing, Mr Pepperelli?
My sister always gets it wrong.
Does she really?
Yeah. I'll have a word with him?
-No, no, no, no, no.
-No, no, Rosie, leave it.
-I'm going to.
Not so loud. My head.
Someone spiked the vodka.
Oh, did they? What, with orange juice?
-Oh, very funny.
-Just get out my way, Mo.
Yeah, all cleaned up. Spick and span, see...
Oh, oh good. Good.
The thing is Jean, though, people don't come to the Vic
because it's all spick and span.
The thing is, they come because it's a pub and what do pubs sell?
I don't know how I managed to forget, but that's all sorted too.
The order's in. Beer and everything is on its way.
Should be here any minute, so there's nothing to worry about.
And Alfie can come back tomorrow,
and everything will be EXACTLY as it always has been.
'I've just come home after two days
'and I've noticed a couple of things missing.
'I'd be very grateful if you'd ring me back as soon as possible.
'End of messages. To delete messages...'
Oh morning, Billy.
You're looking very guilty...
Eh? No, I'm just doing a bit of work.
I hope so.
He can't come!
-What do you mean, he can't come?
-His boss won't let him.
I really wanted to see the Queen but without Arthur,
a handsome man on my arm, I should feel totally naked.
Leave it to me.
We're going to have to spring him, get him out of there.
-You've given me an idea.
-Grab your hat. Come on.
-When are the rest of them going to come down?
I've got rooms to clean, I've got to change the sheets...
Kim, have you told them when it's check-out time?
Look man, this is basic stuff! Now, Denise would have been...
Look, don't...even... mention...her...name. Yeah?
You're going to have to wake them up.
Me? No, no, no, no, no. That is not my job, all right.
All right, take this then.
I've got six more people arriving later, I'm a staff member down
and my boyfriend's gone AWOL in Swanage or wherever he's gone.
-Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim.
Go on then.
-Well, if you won't, I will.
Hello, my love. There you go. Sorry it's late.
Enjoy. All right?
The definition of this face, the jaw-line, what do you think, Rose?
They're going to love drawing you.
Oh, please say yes. You'll make a lot of ladies really happy.
The naked body is very beautiful, don't you think so, Rose?
Our life class model's let us down.
But thanks to this young man...
No. Hang on, wait a minute...
I've got to take my clothes off?
Of course. But don't be shy, a beautiful young man like you.
Yeah, sorry ladies, I've...
We've seen it all before.
Well, some of them have, but not for quite some time.
Sorry, ladies. Sorry to interrupt. Ain't you working here today?
Ain't you supposed to be working here today?
Yeah, yeah, that's right, that's right.
Yeah, sorry, I forgot, I'm working here.
Yeah, otherwise I'd have loved to have come, but I can't. Sorry.
In that case, doesn't that make you free, Arthur?
Moi? No. No, no, Rosie. No, Rosie baby, no.
You see, the thing is that I... well we are backed up, you see.
And there's going to be queues round the corner...
No, no, I can manage.
THEY LAUGH AWKWARDLY
Does she think something's missing?
Yeah. I've heard Jack's missing stuff as well.
Don't look at me.
I'm not looking at you.
Yes, you are. You think I did it, yeah?
No, I don't.
Anyone could've got hold of the keys in that office.
I know, just don't say anything, all right?
We've need to sort this before Janine finds out.
Three months in Washington DC, that was incredible
and then Pakistan, I didn't have enough time there though,
I'm going back as soon as I've saved up again...
All right, enough, enough! You're making me jealous.
Is it a letter on each table?
Yeah, yeah, thanks.
Do you just, like, go on your own?
Well, it depends, if no-one wants to come then... yeah.
That's cool, that's really cool.
No, it's fun, Tam.
The more you travel, the more contacts you make.
I've got friends that I can stay with all over the world now.
Yeah, I've got friends here. And family here, and a business here.
And we know exactly what we're going to do
every day for the rest of lives.
If my boss catches us, we're going to be pigeon nuggets.
-Oh, this is such fun.
Life classes! life classes? You ladies are nang.
I take that's a compliment?
Of the highest equivalent.
Let me tell you, you two are like royalty to me.
Jean, Jean... you got a minute?
You've got my money?
I told Janine because I didn't know what else to do.
I've been worried sick...
Forget about it, last night was last night.
Me and Janine, we had a chat, we both want to sort it out.
Yeah, yeah, so why don't you come over to our place... about 2.00?
-I should be done by then.
Well, I just wanted to pop round and say congratulations properly.
These are beautiful, thank you.
Now, either you've done something or you want something.
Well, why aren't you at the B&B then?
Well, her Majesty the Queen is not the only one who likes to rule.
Oh. So you haven't made up yet?
So no affair...
End of the drought for you then.
I am going to put these flowers in a vase.
Said the actress to the bishop.
-Denise, you can be so crude sometimes.
-Yeah, I know. Yeah.
Oh, could you get that for me, please? Thank you.
No, sorry, Mr Masood's not here at the moment.
Yeah, yeah OK, I will.
Um... message for Mr Masood to call the admissions officer.
-Well, unless Mas is thinking of going back to college.
Well, why wouldn't Tamwar mention anything?
You know, we'd have to make it work.
Oh, maybe Masood and I could take over the Argee Bhajee again...
-only if we had to.
-Hey, look at you, Zee, plotting and planning,
and going all respectable again, and not a clue what your kids are up to.
Everything's back to normal. Stick the kettle on.
I still think we've got a problem with this Jean, you know.
I just don't know what's going on in her head.
It's creepy, you know, when she thinks I'm her son.
I don't think that it's tucking you up in bed at night
that she wants to do.
Well, you can hardly blame the woman, leading her on like that. Come on.
No, no, no, it's not that. No, she's fixated about something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because if she thinks I'm this Sean geezer,
then she must think that that's her granddaughter.
Well, I think you've been watching too many horror movies...
You going home?
Yeah, my back is killing me.
OK, I'll get you something nice for supper.
Will you bring my bags?
Where on earth have you been?
Look, we needed sheets.
Honestly, the crowds out there were ridiculous, I only hope
they're not planning this Jubilee thing every year.
You bought new sheets? What's wrong with washing the old ones?
I didn't have time.
So you still haven't made up the beds then?
-Relax, it's cool, it's cool.
-No, no, Kim, it ain't cool.
It ain't cool at all, man.
Look, we need help, I'm going to call Denise.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. no. No, Patrick.
What does it say on the sign outside?
The clue's in the words Kim's Palace, yeah?
So you can't come and tell me how to run my business
and you're certainly not going to go and tell my sister to come
round here with her interfering nose where it's not wanted.
-Oh, come on, there's...
I'm perfectly happy and capable of running this business
by myself without you or anybody else's help, all right?
Your new credit card machine ain't working.
You need milk, butter and bread.
The new guests have arrived and two of the guests staying last night,
they're refusing to pay their bills.
What? Refusing to pay? We'll soon see about that.
They're claiming there was a mouse in the room.
A mouse? Do me a favour.
Oh... you've killed poor Timmy.
You left a message in the office? No, I didn't get it.
No. Well, I can promise you that all of our cleaners
are very carefully vetted.
OK, well, I'll look straight into it. OK, bye.
Jean, what the hell are you doing here?
-Waiting for you.
-Waiting for me?
How did you get in?
No, look, I just want my money.
This is my house, you can't just march in here.
Michael told me to come round... the door was open.
Jean, this has got to stop.
This... this thing you have with Michael, this obsession...
Michael is not Sean, and this baby is not your granddaughter...
Is that what he's been saying?
Just keep away from me, OK? And keep away from Michael...
No, no, no, no, he's got this muddled up.
It's twisted, he's twisted it.
This has got nothing to do with Sean and Michael and babies.
This is about the money!
There is no money, not anywhere but in your crazy head.
No, I am not crazy.
Whatever, just get out, OK? Leave.
No. Not without my money.
You really are going to let him get away with this, aren't you?
Just get out!
Michael, thank God you're here.
What's going on?
This mad woman's just marched into my house.
I came round, as you said, Michael, as you said.
Why on earth would I do that?
In fact I told you expressly last night and again today,
to keep away from us, to stay away from us, leave us alone.
You see, it don't matter what I say, she gets it a bit wrong, don't you?
No, no, I'm not having that. I am not mad and I am not ill.
I just want my money.
OK, would you be so kind as to produce a receipt?
Yes, Jean. Proof.
You know, something real,
that real people give to each other in the real world.
Just get out.
You are evil, both of you, pure evil.
Yeah, it's time to go, Jean.
No, no, no, I'm not marrying your mother for a second time
without knowing when to stay out of things.
When does the scholar get here?
Yeah, he's not coming, his wife's sick.
But, you know, it's all right cos you're here, Mum,
so if anyone needs any guidance, I'll refer them to you.
Yeah, the couples have to see each other.
By the way, the admissions officer rang.
Don't worry, I will not say anything.
I haven't even told Masood. It's not like me to interfere, you know.
Yeah, isn't it exciting? Tamwar's going back to college.
You didn't know? Oh, I'm so sorry, Afia.
That is so typical of Tamwar.
I expect he'll tell everyone, you know, once he's secured a place...
best not to say anything.
Don't worry, his secret's safe with me.
You wanted to see us?
We've had some complaints.
-Stuff has gone missing from some of the houses we clean.
So? It weren't me.
Apparently messages have been left at the office,
but somebody's erased them.
Well, I never. You tell her, Pops.
Yeah. No, Janine, it wasn't her. You've got the wrong person.
You can swear that on your life, can you, Billy?
Oh, Janine, you can't do that.
Oh, I can and I have.
Look, we can't run a cleaning business
if we cannot trust our cleaners, Billy.
Not as bad as I thought, this.
Certainly wasn't what I was expecting.
Fancy your chances, did you?
Yeah, but like a fool I asked someone to marry me last night.
What a downright crazy thing to do.
Yeah, I know.
AFIA CONTINUES LAUGHING
Change. Thank you.
Lovely. Hey, Billy Boy, how you doing, man?
Does Lola like her new phone?
You know, the one I fixed up for her, it's got like video, mp3 etc, etc.
You gave her the phone?
Well, yeah, I just forgot to tell her though,
she gets a free three month guarantee.
Next time you see her, could you let her know, please?
Here, you'd better get upstairs, Jean's ripping up the place.
-What do you mean?
-Kat and Alfie's stuff's everywhere,
think mad woman's lunchbox, only bigger.
OK, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.
Ladies, Today, you two are amazing.
The Queen has got nothing on you two Majesties.
Life class good, was it?
Yeah, you know, yeah it was.
They made us try on loads of different costumes and stuff and...
Mmm. I saw you. On the telly.
On the telly? You must be mistaken.
Oh, there was no mistake.
The camera zoomed right in on all of you, waving like idiots.
It was nothing to do with me. I was just escorting these two ladies.
Don't think you'll get away with this.
I'm sorry, Arthur. But... on the telly!
-Quick, let's go and see if we made the news.
Wait, FB's never been on TV. Wait for me, man...
You see, I buy you drinks and you don't even hold the door.
Are you serious?
Ladies, wait for me!
I've lost it.
I've lost it.
Yeah, I can see that.
He said he'd give me a receipt, but it's definitely not here
and I can't remember whether he did or he didn't.
Sorry, a receipt for what, Jean?
The money. Mine, Alfie's, everything.
Even The Vic's.
-When did you last hear Afia laugh like that?
-I don't know.
-Must be this whole college thing.
-What college thing?
Apparently Tamwar has applied to go to college
and he didn't tell anyone.
How he can afford to do that, I don't know.
Then again, he's still young, I suppose.
And we could always look after the business, while he's studying.
Oh, but could that drive them further apart?
How could I have been so stupid?!
-The answer is staring me in the face,
why I didn't think of it before?
-She's wonderful with Kamil...
So she and Tamwar, they could start a family.
The sooner she has a baby of her own, the better. Yes.
Creeping me out, Jean, is not going to work.
You've got to let it go, I don't have your money.
It's not her you've got to convince, is it? It's me.
All right, Rox? You look fit.
Thank you. Where's the money, Michael?
Will someone change the record? What money? There isn't any money.
Oh right, so you've lost it?
Is that what you're telling me, you've lost it?
No, I'm not telling you've I've lost it.
-The simple reason is, I didn't have it in the first place.
It's a fantasy.
He's lying, it's all lies. He's in on this with Janine.
Oh Janine, yeah, yeah, yeah, cos she's...
she's really on her uppers now, ain't she?
What, she's down to her last few million? Please, don't make me laugh.
The truth is, Rox, she has a creepy fixation with us both...
Calls me Sean...
She broke into our house today.
I did not. He's not telling the truth. The door was open.
You asked me round. He asked me round.
Janine walked in, she's sitting there, it's freaked her out.
If anything, you need to keep her away from us.
He's lying. You've got to believe me...
Not you as well.
-No. Not you as well.
So did many stay on for a meal?
Yeah, it went really well.
A great success, can't wait to do it again.
OK. Well, everyone's gone up.
So I think I might turn in as well.
Give you kids a chance to have an early night, or...
-OK. They supported you on this, OK?
They didn't agree with the speed-dating but they supported you.
We all did.
Zulekha wasn't happy, don't think she found a boyfriend tonight.
But guess how many guys gave me their number? Go on, guess?
I... I have no idea.
Two. And they weren't students. Thank goodness.
The thing about students is you can never believe a word they say,
they look you in the eye and say one thing
-but mean the complete opposite.
-OK, Afia, what are you...
I might just give this guy a call,
I mean he was a great kisser and that.
MUSIC ON RADIO: "Up The Junction" by Squeeze
Jean, it's OK...
Jean, look at me.
Hey. Look at me.
I believe you.
It's OK. It's OK.
MUSIC: "Even When I'm Old And Grey" by Frank Sinatra
# You make me feel so young
Oh, cheer up, love.
# Bells to be rung
# And a wonderful fling to be flung
# And even when I'm old and grey
# I'm going to feel the way I do today
# Because you make me feel so young... #
Do me a favour! You can't charge that for sausages!
What, did they star in Babe the movie or something?
Luce, you all right babe?
Yeah, I would be.
If SHE wasn't expecting me to make her B&B breakfasts and not pay.
SHE was after mates' rates.
But SHE is not a mate.
You know what, I think I'm going to sit this one out, you know.
Still not served breakfasts then, Kim?
I'll take my custom elsewhere, yeah?
Hashtag shut it, Blondie. Dishing up bangers in a caff?
Hardly a career high.
Well, least her customers get food.
Unlike anyone who tries to eat the stuff from the Minute Mart.
One is after a higher class of cuisine than one can get round here.
Oi, any chance of more shifts at the chippie?
What, I'm a Job Centre now, am I?
Leave it out, Luce. Pregnant lady here.
Oh, now you want to defend me?
It's a bit late for that cos I've already been fired.
Look, I said sorry, all right?
OK? I'll make it up to you, I promise.
I'll get you your job back by lunchtime.
That's how short your last instalment was.
I'm pregnant and I'm having mood swings.
So, I want the cash right now, basically, otherwise my hormones
might tell me to charge you a really unreasonable daily interest rate.
Do I actually have "cashpoint" written across my forehead?
This florist thinks so. How can you charge so much for dead flowers?
I never was a cheap bride.
Clearly. You will stay away from Jean today, won't you?
I can handle Loony Toon...
I'm serious. Please.
Just stay here or something.
I am not going to let that woman dictate my life.
It's business as usual.
Listen, a Vic isn't a Vic without an Alfie, is it?
OK. I'll see you later. OK, bye.
Well, is he still coming back today?
No. I've delayed him till after the weekend.
We can still do this, Jean. We can.
We can still get his money back, all right? Today.
HE HUMS "UNCHAINED MELODY"
# My darling
HE CONTINUES HUMMING
Masood, stop it! Masood, stop it!
We were just talking weddings.
So I see.
You all right, Tam? I heard you get up very early this morning.
Fine. Please, continue with your domestic bliss.
All right, well, we'll speak later?
Zee, keep the wedding simple, please.
Yes, and not much family.
I don't want that workshy brother of yours
lining his pockets with our food again.
No horses, no dance routines.
My back's hardly up to walking after sleeping on that couch.
Oh, so you're marrying me to ease your back pain?
I am marrying you, Zainab, because that's the way it should be.
That's the way it should always have been.
This marriage will wipe out everything that's gone wrong.
Besides, I've tried every other way, but I just can't get into your bed.
# But he's got high hopes
# He's got high hopes... #
-You smell... floral.
You want to be careful, son.
People'll start saying you're light on your loafers.
Derek, does it have to be so loud?
Yeah, it has to be that loud to hear it over that wallpaper.
It's got to go.
No. Pat put that up.
All the fires in this Square and that survives.
And look at that picture.
Nice knockers but, Tyler, we are living in a pastel paradise.
It ain't right. Ooh, Clarkson.
THEY BOTH LAUGH
# For another day
# Let the music play
# Down at Fraggle Rock...
You won't remember Sean,
but he loved the Fraggles when he was your age.
Singing. With those red things... Do...
Thanks, I feel better today.
-Thank you for being on my side.
-That's all right.
I think, yeah, I think I can look Michael in the eye.
Jean, you're not seriously going to work, are you?
Yeah, well, I've done nothing wrong.
If I don't go in, it'll look like I've got something to hide.
I'm not going to let him win.
I am such an idiot.
Cos I've sussed him.
He didn't pay me the slightest bit of attention
until he found out that I had money.
And then suddenly... all this interest and help.
I told him things about my life, Roxy.
I feel such an idiot.
I know... I know.
Now look, look, the banks open again today, don't they?
So we will prove that you transferred that money. We will.
I paid him cash. Don't say anything...
Because I've thought of a way to prove it.
Oh... Go on then.
All the paperwork that he showed me was printed off the computer.
Spreadsheets, grant applications, legal things from the council,
They're all on his computer at the gym.
Well, you're going to have to break in there
and put it on one of those dingle, stick things.
Phil! Phil! Why haven't you answered any of my calls?
I've, uh, I've been on business. You heard from Ian?
No. And Janine's on my back for money.
Pay her another instalment, you know, fob her off...
But I don't have that. And why isn't this thing working?
Dad's left a mountain of debts.
I don't think he paid a bill for months.
Well, sell something, you know. You've got this place, ain't you?
You've got the caff. Got the house. Got a couple of cars....
That's had it, Luce.
Can you fix it?
I do cars. Not chips. Anyway, it'll be insured, won't it?
Look, sell something, yeah? The house or whatever.
I'll give you my solicitor's details.
She'll sort out any paperwork.
I'll sell Mandy's car but that's it.
Dad's going to be back and I'll have everything here for him.
I don't think you can go to nursery looking like this.
And I think it's warm enough to do without, don't you?
-I don't know.
I would watch your tills.
I'm not the thief. You ought to listen to me.
No. No, actually you should stop hanging around my fiance
and begging him to call you Mummy.
Oi, fatty, leave her alone!
Please... don't tell me you actually believe her?
You're monsters. Both of you.
Listen, I employ you to mop up and shut up.
If you can't do that, then I suggest you stay out of our lives.
Oh, I'm not going anywhere.
Cos you can't sack me for telling the truth.
There you go. D'you know what?
D'you know something, we're going to wipe the smirk off her face.
I'll do it. I'll break into Michael's office.
Cereal IS a continental breakfast, actually.
I went to the continent and I had cereal...
So what is it you wanted, eh?
What, corgis and Rule Britannia in the mornings?
Listen, you owe me, yeah.
This is what you owe me. You better pay me!
What do you mean, no? Listen. Don't drive...
Hey, you owe me!
What are being you off with me for?
Where do I start? The bedroom's a tip, Tyler. You don't clean.
You don't wash up. And everywhere I turn, Derek's there.
Playing music by dead people.
You've got some annoying things going on.
-Yeah, that alarm clock of yours.
MIMICS BEEPING Every ten minutes for an HOUR before we have to get up.
That's not as annoying as Top Gear on the TV every night.
Or pizza on the floor in the morning when I wake up.
-Come on, Tyler, you said you were moving in to help me.
Then start helping me, please.
I think you owe my fiancee an apology after this morning's behaviour.
-I just told her the truth.
-Where's Janine? We need a word.
That's a tricky one. I don't want her stressed in her condition.
What about me? And my condition?
That's interesting. Look at that.
Going through handbags now, are we?
It was on the floor, empty. Someone's obviously...
Why am I even bothering answering you? You don't scare me.
Best lock that up nice and tight. Don't want anything else going missing.
Are you having a go...
-Jean, is he having a go at my Lola?
-I ain't nicked anything.
Just go to Citizen's Advice, all right?
Or one of them lawyers off of the telly,
they'll tell you your rights.
Janine's coming in this afternoon. We'll sort it out then.
Good always triumphs. Always. Excuse me, I've got some cleaning to do.
She's got you well under the thumb, ain't she?
I'm really hungry!
Just a minute, Bobby. But the insurance must cover it.
That's a fortune. Well, when was it meant to be serviced?
Look, there's no food at home.
Thanks for nothing!
Are you... are you going to talk to me?
I'm not sure you'd like what I have to say.
Don't just walk away from me. Argue. Tell me how you feel.
Shout. Scream. Anything..
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you.
You know how you do curry in a hurry?
Fine Indian cuisine.
Yeah, whatever. Can you do dinner for 15?
I don't want to talk about it.
I know what's wrong with Afia.
No. You are a very good husband.
She's young, you know. She's flighty.
Tamwar, give her a baby.
Just hear me out, all right?
It will ground her, it will bond your marriage,
it will let you build a new life.
It's not until a woman becomes a mother
that she ever really grows up.
Where's Michael? I thought he was working here all day?
Gone to the gym.
Hello, Jean. Let me guess.
Roxy's here to prove I'm the big bad bogeyman?
You disappoint me, Roxy. I thought we were friends.
Go and have a look on the computer. Go on. Password. Janine.
Capital J. Be my guest
You are using Jean. You are using her, like you used Ronnie.
Ronnie, ah, OK. I wondered how she'd get her claws into you,
that's quite clever, actually. Well, moderately clever.
Have a seat. Have a seat.
Let's try a few key words, a few search words. Jean.
No? Imaginary company.
Big bad Michael took the money.
It's not in there.
The reason it isn't there is cos it's up there, in her head.
I believe her.
Well, you mustn't!
And I would keep her away from Amy as well.
Sorry, what's my daughter got to do with this?
Everything. Cos you know how I found her this morning?
-I found her staring into space...
Cradling Amy's cardigan. That's weird. It's weird. She's warped.
You are weird. You are warped.
I would never lie about Amy, now come on. Give me some credit.
Janine's pregnancy, it's twisted her head.
Right, OK. Will you just shut up.
You know... All right, how about this.
You know she wants me to call her mother.
Yeah. She said she can't wait to be Nana Jean again.
OK, I don't believe you.
OK, that's fair enough.
But you know she has a picture of Amy in her purse?
He hasn't hurt you?
You found the files, though?
No. I'm sorry, Jean. I didn't.
He's hidden them.
No, no, he'll have deleted them...
Yeah, I know. I know.
I'm sorry, Jean. There was nothing...
I'll fight for you. If that's what you want.
I'd do anything for you.
Tell me the truth. About what you really want in life.
I want you. I love you.
OK. I want a future with you.
I want us to grow old together.
We're not old yet. There's so many things we could do first...
We will, we will. I want to help you put down roots
and build a life with me.
And I think maybe we should take the next step.
What do you mean?
Maybe we should have a baby.
Your mum's ring? Are you sure about this?
She'd want me to. It's just a ring.
-Is everything OK, Luce?
-Just take it.
Hey, that's my stuff!
Bobby. You'll have to be brave. I'm just selling a few things.
-Do you want to change your mind?
-Just take it, all right.
He's taking my stuff!
Look, Bobby, I have to. Please, Tyler, can you just go.
HE STAMPS UP THE STAIRS
He's asked her. I knew my idea would work.
Oh, another little grandchild. Another little face to kiss.
Oh, thank you, I'm so thrilled.
Do I say congratulations?
Come on, Tam. Let's go out. Let's go for a walk.
You know, Luce, you can talk to me any time you need, OK?
Fat's got your back.
So, when is Ian coming home?
OK, all right...
So, how are things with you and Bobby?
Ah! Now, this won't do.
This won't do at all.
Personally, I find the world looks much brighter after an ice-cream.
Do you want me to treat you to one?
And then me and you will have a chat. Man to man.
And you can tell me all your problems, yeah, eh?
Come on, come with me.
Good boy, that's it.
Do you want this child?
I want my marriage to work.
I loved you, Tam, from the moment I held you in my arms.
But being a parent, it's not easy.
I know, it's just Mum reckons it's going to heal us.
You know, it'll make her proud.
Well, you make me proud every day.
Yeah, you're a wonderful son, Tam. You deserve to be happy.
But don't have a child just to please your mother.
What's the matter with you?
You have one because it's your dream.
You know, becoming a parent is the most important thing
you'll ever do in your life.
Just make sure it's what you both want.
Jean. Have you seen Amy's cardigan anywhere?
Oh, covered in chocolate and I've left it at work.
I'm so sorry, I meant to...
Are you OK?
Michael's said something, hasn't he?
Yeah, he has.
Oh, Jean. Umm...
He said that you carry pictures of Amy in your purse.
I've got my whole family in here.
Stacey and Lily...
I've carried that photo since the day it was taken.
I know things have changed but I couldn't bear to throw it away
because, on that day, Sean was happy.
And I like to look at him smiling every single day.
Lola wouldn't nick on the job. Baby bracelets? Family stuff?
And she'd never pinch your handbag.
A designer one? You sure?
Someone could have picked it up by mistake.
They all look the same, don't they.
It was bright pink tartan, actually.
You got a key to Jean's locker?
Hang on, no, no... this is her private property.
You can't just...
Look, Jean had a pink bag in here. This morning.
You was there, Michael.
She stole my bag.
Jean stole my bag!
Phil, I can't find Bobby. I'm losing everyone.
He's probably just with his mates or something.
No, he's run off because I sold all his things. All our things.
You've got to start selling Ian's things. Not yours.
-He ain't here, you are.
-He'll be here. Soon.
You want me to be honest with you?
Well, I've been looking for Ian these past few days...
And if he wanted to be found, he'd have been found by now.
Here he is.
Don't ever do that to me again, OK.
He's all right. He was stuffing his face full of choc ices in the caff.
We've been having a little chat, me and Bobby. You all right?
Come on. Home.
Certainly got its perks, this new job.
You sure I can't help you with your delicates, darling?
I am trained.
Maybe next time.
Is this Tiff's?
That's my jumper! You've ruined it, Tyler! What have you..?
Pat bought that for me!
We'll go out this evening. You can start trying right away.
Come on, we have to make plans. Financial plans.
You will have to drop college.
Drop? I'm not going to college.
They called for you, all right? They asked for you.
What did they say?
That he'd applied for a course. Your secret's out, Tam.
-I didn't apply.
-You liar! You lied to me.
And, what, now you think you're ready to become a father?
-I haven't applied...
-He's not lying.
It's not Tam that's going to college, it's me.
I can't face checking in at the Butchers'.
Not with them knowing that they've won.
How am I going to tell Alfie?
I've let him down so badly.
You going to snap my head off?
No, I'm going to ask if you're OK?
Those two punters driving off this morning.
Looked like they were giving you a hard time.
No that wasn't a hard time.
My sister telling me I'm fit for nothing. That's a hard time.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
What? Can't hear you.
Well, you said stuff too.
What? Can't hear you.
Anyway, I've bought you a little peace offering.
Sorry, it's from the Minute Mart. I know it might be beneath you.
I am so tempted to tell you where to shove it.
But if you want to do a bit of scrubbing to apologise,
-I could be magnanimous.
-See, there you go. You do need me?
Come on, admit it.
No. I don't need you. But I do miss you.
Yeah. Well, it's no fun shouting at the customers, innit,
without you being there with your disapproving face.
And besides, who am I going to call to pull me out the skip?
Come back? Please.
Here, look. Says here "thick but directable".
You've got a lot in common.
You lying, thieving, witch! I'm going to have you arrested.
All this time, scheming, lying...
D'you think I like shoving letters through doors every day?
I need to use my brain.
What, teaching Tiffany Butcher? That's using your brain, is it?
I didn't kiss that guy, you know.
I'd never do that to you.
I know. I know you wouldn't.
But then why would you say that? Why would you put me through that?
I thought you were lying. About college.
Living your dreams without bothering to ask me what mine were.
ARGUING IN THE BACKGROUND
So what are they, Afia?
Be honest with me.
It's like there's a life out there, an adventure we should be having.
And I don't feel like it's here in Walford.
I just feel like I can't be happy.
I'm not saying that. I'm just saying make up your mind
whether you want to be a postman or a maths teacher.
It had my purse in it. My bank cards. My phone...
And you knew it was mine!
No, no, no, it was empty. When I found it, it was on the floor.
-Billy you saw me.
-Sorry, Jean. I only saw you put it in the locker.
That's because you told me to.
Is this Amy's?
I told you. I told you it was dirty.
-It's fine, it's fine. I believe you, OK.
We're going to see what the police think about that.
-No you don't!
-Why don't we just take this somewhere private? Upstairs?
Trouble in paradise?
I've ruined her jumper. I've said sorry.
Apology not accepted, I take it?
She's deleted Top Gear!
Can't just come barging in here accusing her...
She had the bag, Mo. She had it in her locker!
-She needs to be locked up.
-Janine, it's no way to handle it. Just be cool.
You'll wake Amy, anyway. Just shush.
Amy's not here, she's with Jack, all right.
What's Amy doing in my bedroom?
Amy's christening bracelet, what...
Why are my daughter's things in your room, Jean?
No, I didn't put them there...
It was you.
She's had everything. Everything Lola got the blame for.
Michael! You stay away from me and you stay away from my family.
I didn't take it.
I-I didn't put any of that there!
I didn't take it.
You have to believe me.
That's for deleting Top Gear. Night, babe.
-What do I do with this lot?
-I dunno. What you asking me for?
You're the big cheese running the place.
Mo, is this what she does?
You kidding? I've never seen her like this before.
D'you know what? Just bin it, yeah?
I want Jean arrested.
Forget about her, she's a no mark.
I'm taking you shopping.
For more elasticated pants?
No, baby clothes. Little miniature midget clothes for small people.
Yeah, well, I think I'd rather have Jean locked up.
No, no, I think that's just your hormones talking.
Since when does Janine Butcher get weirded out
by creepy little old birds?
Hi, Afia. Hi, Tam.
Not interested, Tam.
Guess what I'm going to do today?
Talk about babies and settling down and stuff?
Tam, grow up.
No, not me, Afia. Because I want to go travelling with you.
Travelling? Yeah. What do you say to that?
I can't not be with you, Afia.
What about your mum?
What about Mum? I'm going to tell her today.
Just one thing.
Don't do it with sock puppets.
Smashing an alarm, I mean, that is a bit extreme.
Yes. You cannot let him get away with it.
No, I'm not going to. Look.
Sorry, sorry, sorry
Tyler's phone's just gone Double-Dutch.
All right. One minute, Whit.
Have you seen Tyler?
-I'm not talking to you.
-He left his phone.
Top Gear is sacred. All right? Sacred.
Wow! You really do need a hand, innit?
Why didn't you clear up this last night?
-What are you, the health police?
-All right, sorry.
All right, girls, come on now, let's put this energy
into the tidying, yeah? Come on.
So when's your dad getting back then, Lucy?
'Oh, hello, it's Mr Porter again. I just wanted to say
'I found the items...
'you know, that I thought were missing.
'Anyway. My mistake. Sorry.'
'End of messages. To delete messages, press delete.'
I loved playing boxes too. Better than the actual presents.
Amy, come and help Mummy?
Right. Well... I'm off to work.
Well, mind the elephant in the room as you go, won't you?
-Look, teddy's over there. Go and get teddy. Good girl.
Sorry, but you're not going anywhere,
until you explain yesterday.
-I'm already late.
What d'you mean "what?"
Do you not remember what was sitting in your room?
That wasn't me. Michael did that.
You don't know what he's capable of.
-Yes. He's been doing things.
Jean, just give me the truth.
I am telling you the truth.
He keeps setting me up, he's done it before,
he made me look like I'd broken into Janine's flat.
Oh, why would he do that?
For the money, it's all about the money.
He's trying to frame me, so that I look like I'm...
-you know, I'm...
-Well, it's working!
So you do believe me?
what've you done with the money?
He's got it!
You know what... You can't have spent it, right?
You can't have spent it all.
-It's not like you've got a brand-new sports car.
-Listen to me,
-Michael has got the money!
-Is it Sean? You've given it to Sean?
Cos he would SO know how to get it off of you.
What's he given you, some great big sob story?
-No, you know I haven't seen Sean for years!
What I saw in that room, OK, what everybody saw, is not right.
Yeah? You cannot do things like that.
I am telling you the truth. It was Michael!
D'you know something, Jean?
I'm supposed to be holding the fort, and this is just way beyond me.
Oh, well, I am so sorry for you!
Thank you so much for believing in me(!)
Don't get angry with me, Jean.
-I'm going to work.
-You're seriously going to step outside?
Yes! Because there is nothing wrong with me! I am fine!
Just so you know, this is not what I signed up for.
When you proposed to me,
I was not saying yes to some undergraduate bum.
Is that what you think students are?
I know that's what they are.
They get a sense of freedom and they're hanging off war memorials.
Well, bring it on.
Don't even joke about it.
Zee, you know, it might be an idea to let people do
what they want every now and then.
Are you saying that I interfere?
Only with everything.
This isn't a home, it's a dictatorship.
Right. So it's wrong to try and make everyone happy, is it?
Yes, but you're doing the opposite.
Someone has got to tell Tamwar how to go about things. The boy is clueless at the best of times.
He's all grown up now, he's a man.
He still needs me.
And you, Mr Student, if you want me to stand by you,
you have to stand by me.
I feel a song coming on.
Tamwar and Afia have got to put down roots,
they've got to start a family.
And you, Mr Student, if you want an education,
you better start learning from me.
What's this? Cake?
Yeah, what of it? You want a slice?
I'll have a cup a tea, please. Hello, sweetheart.
My phone's all mumbo jumbo.
How am I supposed to sort it out if I can't understand the instructions?
Why don't you take a language course or something, Ty?
She'll help ya. Oi, Lauren, you've got GCSEs, ain't you?
Yes. But none of them were in phone repair.
Just sort it out for us, please?
Look, if you do not know languages
then it's not my fault that you're thick.
I am not thick.
Hey, bruvver, let me have a look man.
Oh, mate, I think that's Egyptian. Actually, it might be Russian.
Great. That means Whitney wins this round, then.
Is that's how it works? It's not a relationship, it's a boxing match.
And I'm going to win.
Right. So what happens next then?
In Round Three? Thicko.
All right. You ain't so clever yourself, you know.
Compared to you two, I really am.
All right, well, why don't you prove it?
-Yeah, prove it.
OK. We'll have a little competition. Girls versus apes.
Winner just gets to walk all over the losers.
You'd better bring your friends, Lauren cos you're going to need 'em.
-All right. Lucy, you busy later?
-What do you think?
-What's that? No friends?
Tell you who you should invite. My Alice. She's a clever girl.
Yeah. Yeah, I will. Thank you, Uncle Derek. I will.
Uh, no offence Del, but what you helping her for?
I've already got to apologise to Whit later
so I can get my phone sorted.
You have gotta get a grip, son.
You gotta stop fawning around her.
It's a baby deer and you know what we do with baby deers, don't ya?
We eat 'em. Not because they're tasty but because we can.
So you get back over there and you put her in her place
and keep her there.
Forget the tea.
-We're not going around the world on that, are we?
-You told her yet?
I will, OK? I just haven't seen her, have I?
-You're single and middle aged Denise...
-Here's your chance.
..you're never busy. So I'm bringing Kamil round for 6pm.
You'll be glad for the company. OK, bye.
Right, so it's all done. A romantic dinner for two.
Courtesy of your loving mother.
Dinner's already cooking
and your father is attempting to choose the music.
She heard about a trainer sale.
Yeah, it's 120.
I've got to go.
There we go, job done.
Polish, polish, polish, where does the morning go?
You really are on another planet.
Jean, you can't just come waltzing in here.
You could've got me locked up!
Look, I know what you're thinking,
but I didn't know that stuff was in my room.
Billy, on Stacey's life, I swear!
-You lying, old cow.
-Just get out.
Oh, you would say that, wouldn't you, because you're in on it.
You need locking up! Billy, get her out.
Billy...it was them.
And by the way, you're fired!
-And you're rehired.
-Come on, Jean.
Billy, it was them. I swear, I didn't know anything about it...
-Best you stay well away. Please.
-Oh, please, Billy.
Need a ride somewhere?
Where you going?
Back off! Michael! Michael!
Don't ignore me.
Not after what you've done.
Michael. Michael, please, please...
Why are you doing this to me?
You don't care do you?
Not even a flicker.
You're like a snake.
Poison. That's what you are.
You can't say these things to me, Jean. We're friends.
Oh, I'm stronger now. I am.
You might think I'm a nobody,
a nothing. But I am someone, Michael. I am.
Of course you are. Whoever said you weren't, Jean?
I'm going to prove it was you.
All that stuff you put in my room. I'm going to prove it was you.
Just the missus...
wondering where I am.
She was going to have you arrested, by the way, till I intervened.
Told her it was just a blip.
I won't stop until everyone knows about you, Michael. I won't.
I'd worry more about what they're going to learn about you.
And that's coming from a really caring place.
I was wrong about you.
You're not fit to be anybody's son.
Tam. Your mum sent me.
Before you start, I am listening to you, and not her.
-Follow your dreams, that's what you said, so...
Yep. We both want to get away, so...
That was close.
She told me to go and give you some advice.
How I've fathered four children and all that.
Yeah. Probably better that you're leaving.
Anyway, you can report back. And tell her what I've decided.
Me? Isn't it better coming from you?
What? Are we both that scared of her?
I love quizzes.
Yeah. And we are going to annihilate 'em, so...
Come on, jump to it!
Luce, have a look?
Have a look, Luce.
-There you go.
-What is this?
I've got this acquaintance, right, had a word, did a deal,
and there you go. All above board, of course.
We've got our own supplier.
Yeah. But you've also got Bobby to look after and a cafe to run
so let me chip in. Eh?
Dad's got his own contacts.
But he isn't here, is he?
No. But he will be.
When? There you go. Come on,
I'm only trying to help out. Just doing my bit.
Are we living in a ghost town?
Mo, what d'you want me to?
D'you want me to stand outside and yell at people to come in?
You'd better flaming do something, girl.
She was all right until you pitched up.
Why don't you just do something instead of standing there,
having a dig at me all the time?
Come on, then. How was it out there?
I warned you, didn't I?
He said that it would help Alfie.
Michael. But now he's got my savings,
Alfie's savings, the VAT money.
The only person that he's helping is himself.
OK. All right. Jean you just gotta stop this now.
-Kat and Alfie are going to hate me.
-They'll hate me, as well.
I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking,
that we go round there and we demand the money back.
-You and me.
-Jean. Jean, stop...
-He'll listen to you, and we'll take Mo, as well.
-stop this now. Jean...
-..and we will not leave until we get every single penny.
JEAN! JEAN! Stop it! Do you understand me?
Nobody believes you!
You'll look like a prince tonight.
Things are finally going our way, Tamwar.
Well, once I get used to being engaged to a student.
Bit by bit, we are getting back to who we are.
Yeah, I think I am too. Actually, I think I've already arrived.
You see, I'm still getting things right, still giving good advice.
The meal, and the romantic night,
it's good and that,
but it...it's not us.
It's not me and Afia.
We're going to go round the world.
You're such a joker. You joker.
I'm being serious.
It's what Afia... It's what we both want.
I mean, Dad said it was OK.
Your father knew about this?
He's got a point, Mum.
I'm sure he does. Mas!
So you two, you're doing your own thing. Right?
-Is that so wrong?
No? OK. So you're OK with it?
No, not remotely.
It's OK, you know, you two just...
-you don't need me any more, so...
-That's not what we're saying!
No, that makes me pretty redundant.
So I will just back away, into a corner somewhere...
..and I will do MY own thing. I'll find my own space.
You know, it'll give me a chance to do something for myself.
The boy is allowed to grow up.
Yes. And you are allowed to be a schoolboy again.
It's like some bad body swap comedy. It's just...
And look at us all laughing.
All I'm saying is Jean's had her problems in the past.
Newsflash - she's still got 'em.
Well, we should be trying to help her.
Pops, seriously you're going soft.
You could be visiting me in juvie right now, you know.
So you're clever then, yeah?
-I got a few GCSEs.
Lucy, you sure that you're not around later?
I said no, I mean no.
C'mon Lucy, we need you. We could beat 'em.
I'm not interested.
-We came in specially.
-Well, you wasted your time.
We're not going to ask you again, Lucy.
Good. I've got stuff to do so run along.
-Thought my dad was helping you?
-Who are you again?
Dunno why I bother.
You're still a great mum.
And you let Shabnam go travelling.
I want you here.
But it's like you say, Zee, I'm the big kid now.
Me and Kamil, we need you.
And I'm going to keep a video diary, OK?
I'll put it online, it'll be like I'm in the room,
although if there's a mountain in the background it might not quite work.
So you're going to leave me here with him? Thanks, Tam.
-Thank you, babe.
Beer please, Rox. Jean all right?
And what is "all right", exactly?
-That's it, that's it.
My first name...
-Right, how many you got?
It's your turn.
What's your name again?
All right then Alice, get ready for a spanking. Ready boys?
When I say spanking, I didn't...
I don't mind.
I mean, I don't mind you saying...
-Anyway, OK go!
Hold on. That's not fair, that's not fair, start again, start again...
he's um...side burns...
How much stuff does a baby need?
I'm Mr Style. My girl's going to be the same as me.
-Billy, will you take this lot home for me, please?
-I am with child.
-You're on the pay roll, Bill.
How dare you...
-How dare we what?
-No, no, no. I'm not having this...
All those things. They belong to me. My money paid for those.
Tell them, Michael. Tell them how you took it from me. Go on.
Jean, what are you doing? Jean! What are you doing?
Come on. Where's the money? Where's my money? Where is it?
Jean? Jean, what you playing at?
-No, I want what's mine!
-All this is mine! My money paid for this.
-What you doing?
All my savings! Alfie's money! Gone!
And if this is what I can have for it,
-this is what I'm having!
-JEAN! SHUT UP!
I don't want that woman within a mile of me.
Michael... Please tell them what you did.
-C'mon darling, let's get you home.
..retrieve my goods.
Pick a country.
You told her? You actually told her?
Yeah. And without a puppet show.
-So she's going to let you go?
And listen, I've got it all planned.
Because once we've been around the world, and done all that,
we can still come back here and pick up where we left off.
Y'know, it's just an idea but once you've got it all out of your system,
maybe Mum's idea about starting a family won't seem so weird.
Who knows? This could be perfect.
Don't do this to me, Tam.
Don't do what?
Don't be that person. Please.
It's like a teeny weeny country trapped inside another country.
It's full of Italians!
Oh, come on. You must know that?
I can't think straight.
Neither can I, what was that between Michael and Jean?
I know, but time is ticking, boys.
So come on, it's where the Pope does his thing.
Yeah, yeah, Alfie... Never mind that, OK, I need you.
I really do.
Shall we go speed dating?
Pretend we've never met...
..and we've got 30 seconds to get to know each other. OK?
OK, I'll go first.
My name's Tam...
..and I'm just trying to make everyone happy.
But most of all I'm trying to make this girl I know happy.
And to do that, I need to be myself
and not who I think she wants me to be.
If I can work out what that is.
I thought it was being a restaurateur...
..thought maybe being a good son...
..being a father.
But none of those work for her.
Things have changed.
And I need her to tell me how I can get her back.
Anyway, that's me.
Now it's your turn.
Rules are, you've got to say something.
Time's up, Tam.
What time we gotta get up tomorrow?
Derek's going to kill me.
Yeah. He gave me some woman advice.
MIMICS DEREK: Thing is, Tyler, you fawn around Whitney.
It's a baby deer, a fawn, and we eat baby deers.
Well, come here and be a DEER, and give me a kiss.
-Was that a deer?!
You know, even if you're standing still,
you're still going at thousands of miles an hour.
So you don't have to go anywhere, really.
Well, if I keep travelling, then chances are
I'll come back this way again.
So you never know.
But don't stand staring out that window for years. All right?
-As if I'd do that.
You're not coming back, are you?
I love you, too.
Hold on tight.
Don't forget me!
Alfie, you came!
-All right, Kat?
What is it?
Jean! Jean, Jean, come here. Come here, Jean.
It's OK. I'm here, all right?
Oh, you look knackered.
What are you doing?
Please! After all I've done for you?
BABY: No! Yes!
So, you seen Jean yet?
No. I'm going to let her come to me, I'm not going to force her.
She looked in a bit of a state, didn't she?
Mmm. I'd love to know why.
I pulled my muscle when I was pushing Afia's scooter.
Should've warmed up first.
It's my fault.
Tamwar, I could call her.
I could tell her that babies aren't everything.
-That I was just excited, I didn't mean to scare her off.
No, we can't just let her run off like that.
Imagine what people will say.
This stuff's amazing. I mean, the pain's already gone.
We can't have had that many bills.
So where's the rest of the cash, then?
Move, move, move, move!
Get out my way, man!
Like my new sexy wheels?
You should get one, slim yourself down for the wedding.
I beg your pardon?
Look, these legs will be so trim, this body will be so slink,
that my man will feel that he has hit the love jackpot.
And you want Mas to be shouting bingo, don't you?
He already is.
Yeah, but you can still shed a few pounds? Round here.
You know what, Kim?
What does this "Ray" see in you exactly?
I'm like a little glam lamb.
You know what I see? I see a bike - on a bike.
You taking this to another level, Zainab?
You know what, Kim? I'm a little bit emotional right now.
KIM RINGS HER BELL Whatever!
Jean, I'm just wondering how you are.
Have you seen this? It's all we've got in the way of spirits.
Hang on, Nan.
There's 40 boxes downstairs. All mixers. What good is that?
-Who put the order in?
-Probably the blonde.
Hit a whole new level of incompetence while you were away.
Look, we'll talk when you're ready. All right?
Right. Where is the blonde?
-Jean'll have banked the rest. That's what she'd have done.
You know what she's like. Panicking in case of burglars or something.
Why don't we grab a cup of tea on the way back, eh?
It'll be lovely, safe and sound. Sweet.
There we go.
-I'm only helping out. Look.
Hey, Luce - feel these rolls, babe, man.
They're so warm they're melting in the bin bag.
What I'm thinking is big fat bacon butties at three quid a pop.
That's a mouth-watering profit.
Hey, play your cards right, you'll soon be serving caviar.
Nice. Nothing this hero can't do.
Wait till I get you home, yeah.
While you were away, I was contemplating.
And that's a list of all my exes.
See, some people think I've been around the block so many times
I've got my own bus lane.
OK. Oh, right.
See, the truth is
I'm, like, five drunken flings away from being a nun
and I don't want you to think anything different.
-Babe, you know you ain't gotta prove...
What does it matter, babe? I mean, the past is the past. Right?
Yeah. But I want to know everything about you, don't I?
So it starts with this.
You want another pen in case you run out?
Babe, you asked, all right?
All it is, we're trying to get Tamwar out.
-Let him know we're there for him, yeah.
But me and Fats are skint.
Here, Angel. Take that.
-It's a pleasure.
Right, OK. I'll tell Fats.
And get Whitney and Tyler.
-Someone say my name?
-You're coming out with us tonight, yeah?
-Long as it's not another quiz.
So you can come, then?
-You better behave yourself, young Anthony.
-You don't want me coming to look for you.
Rox, no. Michael? How's he...? No.
I'm just repeating what Jean said.
Yeah, I know, sweetheart. Listen,
let's not say nothing to no-one, especially not to Kat.
Least of all about Michael.
-Not till I can try and straighten this out.
-What you doing?
-There you go. Should be all there.
-Kat, what you doing, darling?
-You seen the state of this place?
-She's ordered all the wrong stuff.
-Hold on, Jean said she sorted that.
-Here, look at this.
-Kat, hold on. Kat...
She's run the place into the ground.
-We've got bigger problems.
Hold on. Kat, listen to me. Kat!
-Kat, we're up the swanee right now.
-Get this place back on track today.
Make some phone calls, use some of your charm, yeah.
Just listen! We've got no money.
-You heard me. We got no money.
Right now there's nothing in the safe.
There is nothing in our business account, all right?
We've been wiped out.
So you moving out?
Well, good. About time too.
Um... Aunty Shameem phoned.
Afia's going to stay over there for the moment.
So, you know, she hasn't gone far.
Maybe that's a good sign.
Was just trying to give you something to cling onto.
So is that what I am now?
Didn't cling hard enough, did I?
Go home, Tam. I'll look after the place.
All these decorations. Afia chose them.
I can't look at the menu.
I looked at the menu and there's Afia Korma,
there's Afia Vindaloo and Madras, and Afia Jalfrezi.
Then don't look at the menu.
OK, no nonsense, no lies, no game-playing.
Why is Jean saying you took our money?
You're back. It's nice to see you.
Alfie, between you and me. Jean - the wheels have fallen off.
-I know you.
-I'm the victim here.
-And worse than that - Kat knows you.
-She's back, all right.
-Jean is Jean, Alfie. You know that.
-Listen. I went to the safe, I went to my bank. There's nothing.
Obviously I'd spot you the money, mate, but I'm brassic.
All right. This had better not be an act.
Hang on. You're telling me that you're going to take the word
of someone who sees angels? She's breaking into people's houses.
-Oh, come off it, Michael.
-She's been thieving,
she's been scaring Janine, which is even more disturbing,
I came into my house the other day - she's sitting on my couch.
-Have you any idea how weird that is?
-Right, right. Yeah.
It's weird. She's got stuff in her room that don't even belong to her.
Now I know you're lying, all right.
-Really? Then you need to ask Mo, Roxy and Billy.
-Is that right?
-Because they were all there.
She's creeping me out.
So where's all my money gone, then?
Why are you asking me? I don't know!
I really and truly don't know, Alfie.
You don't? You're saying you really don't know where?
I'm saying I really don't.
And ask yourself this question, Alfie.
Why would I lie to my best man?
No, no, Michael.
Please stop. Listen, I appreciate it
-but you can see I've got enough to worry about.
-Top of my list.
I know you're busy, I know you're stressed.
But if you would, I'd be so honoured. Huh?
All right. I'm not wearing a pink tie. All right?
So I've left all my stuff at Christian's for now
but there's still a load of Amy's stuff upstairs.
Could Jean really do that, Rox?
When you think about it, I mean,
would she get up first thing in the morning
and decide to rip her own family off?
-Hey. It'll be somewhere.
-Yeah, well, the VAT man comes looking,
you know what they're like - they're executioners, that lot.
-So is Michael still a dead end?
-Yeah, he's well off the radar.
OK. All right. So let's think.
Come on, it's got to be somewhere. Right?
Maybe Jean's got money in her room.
Maybe it's under her mattress. Maybe...
I love you.
I love you too.
You scared me half to death.
It won't happen again. I promise.
Don't go into one, all right...
..but are you...
-I'm taking my meds. I am.
So what's going on?
-Yes. I got the sack and it just sort of got to me.
-You had a job?
-I was earning a bit extra to help out.
Hey, there you are! All right, sweetheart.
Darling, you all right? Now I'm not angry with you or anything like that
-but we need to go and gather up the cash.
-Alfie, we're talking.
Maybe it's in your room or something like that?
-Come on, let's go and have a look.
You know what you're like, you'll have hidden it and forgotten where.
-Jean has not got our money.
-You must have.
-No, you back off!
-You may have squirreled it away like you normally do.
-No, no, no!
-Jean, you must have our money.
I didn't take it. I didn't!
I know, I don't have it any more...
It's all right, Jean.
OK, OK. S'all right. Don't be upset.
-I need you to remember, sweetheart.
-What you done with it?
I'm so, so sorry.
Please, please don't hate me. Please...
I'm so sorry.
Jean, Jean. Shh. It's all right.
Shh, come on, come on. It's all right. It's all right.
-Get that down you.
Alice has taken a shine to young Anthony Moon.
Well, that's love, innit, Derek? Y'know - makes the world go round.
Well, I don't like it. I feel like burying him,
like getting hold of his little neck and snapping it.
How to win friends and influence people.
She's my daughter.
Well, she ain't really your daughter, Derek.
-She's on loan for a bit.
-What's that supposed to mean?
Your kids ain't really your kids, are they? You got 'em for a bit
and then they're gone. Your only true worth is handing money over
and getting up their noses every now and again.
But what if he's got... you know...intentions?
Derek, you're not getting this, are you?
He's the one who won't be getting it.
Trust me. If you interfere, she'll hate you for ever.
This is wrong, Max. No other word for it.
I mean, I would kill for that little girl.
I'd do ten people just like that and wouldn't bat an eyelid.
And I'd do the same to Jay if he upset Abi.
This ain't right, Max, eh?
Spending your life worrying about your kids.
Yeah, well, welcome, Derek.
To the dad's club.
She all right?
Just give her some time, all right?
Let her calm down and then we can work out what she's done with it.
-Well, we have to find out pretty soon.
-Come on, we need to open up.
Yeah, great idea. And sell what exactly?
I don't know, but you sort that out and I'll sort this out. I promise.
Why is it that everything in here smells of death?
You need to rub that down or spray something on it.
It doesn't all smell of death.
-Bruv, you smell of it too.
-Don't smell me!
-You are looking after my daughter tonight.
She likes you. You're going to treat her with the utmost respect.
You are going to be the perfect gent
and you're going to make sure nothing happens to her. Capice?
Yep, smells like death all right.
-We let you win, yesterday, I mean.
-Oh, did you?
-Can I get a cola, please?
-What's happening, Alice?
-So where are you going tonight?
-Oh - uh...
It's just round ours. Fat Boy's calling Tam so hopefully he shows.
Women. So cruel.
Will you be coming? Drinks are on my dad.
Really? He's so sweet.
-Oh. Is that a yes, then?
-Lauren won't be happy.
You two are just so boring now. Come on, this is about Tam.
All right. S'pose I could - Bobby can stay with a mate.
Lovely. That's settled then. Going to be a full house.
Welcome to wonderland, Alice.
Oh, look at that, lovely. Now this one.
-Sweetheart, we have lift-off.
-Yes! That's my Alfie.
I had to flirt with Rita from the Mortician's Arms
-but when you've got needs...
-And all the chat.
-What does being a footballer got to do with it?
-Babe, I was in a team.
In a team? When did you find time to play?
Cos this list of names, this scroll, this five-napkin scroll of names,
shows you were one busy dog.
Hello my darling! Lovely to see you! So you got yourself a footballer?
-And chef. You must be Kat, right?
-Got it in one, Einstein.
Hold on, Raymondo, you a footballer, then?
-I was pretty handy.
-You play with your feet, not your hands.
-Nah, not always.
-But hold on.
Know what I'm picturing here? Come on. Pub football team.
-Well, count me in.
-Yes, you know,
thirsty footballers want to drink lots of beers, don't they?
Listen. You'll be all right here while I go work on Jean, won't you?
Don't come down without the cash, all right?
-I'll try my hardest. Just stay down here and look pretty!
-All right, guys, the usual?
-Give us one second.
-Christian, what can I get you?
-Actually, it's Amy's stuff.
Roxy wants me to collect the last of it.
Don't bother, mate. I'll talk Kat round. Peroxide ain't going anywhere.
Trouble is, she's sorted it out with Phil. And she wants to move on.
I think it'll be good for her.
Did she say that?
Yeah. You know, fresh start and all that.
KNOCK ON THE DOOR
All right, Jean?
Right, you're going to have to talk me through this.
The money - where it went.
I was so stupid, Kat.
And I don't know how to get any of it back
and I don't know how to prove any of it.
Slow down, yeah. One thing at a time.
-Where did the money go?
-He said he needed the money to help young boxers.
-Did he now?
-And he's telling everybody that I'm lying,
and he's been making me look like I'm deranged
but I am taking my tablets, and I am thinking clearly
and anyway, I would never do that to you. Would I? I'd never hurt you.
I mean, you're the last person I would hurt, Kat.
MASOOD CLEARS HIS THROAT
Sometimes it just doesn't go our way.
Life would be great if it did,
but sometimes it's just...rubbish.
Yeah, great talk, Dad.
But then again, if you look a bit closer,
if you were to scrunch up your eyes,
sometimes you can kid yourself that it's not that bad.
I mean look at me, Tam.
Your mum left me for someone else.
She married him,
but where are we now?
I'm here, she's here. We're back together.
And that's because she's the only one for me. She always was.
OK. So here's the thing. If I was to scrunch up my eyes,
I can sort of see things in a different light.
In a good light.
-Go on, you try it.
No, go on. Like this.
You see? It's all about perspective.
I can't walk around like this, can I, Dad? I'd hit a wall or something.
We all hit walls, Tam.
It's how we deal with it that's the making of us.
LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
Oi, oi, oi!
MIMICS DEREK: You lay a finger on her and I'm going to bury you. Capice?
That is spot on. Absolutely spot on.
-There you go.
You all right?
Hey, guys. Tam here yet?
-Are you serious? What is she doing here?
-Sort this out, you two.
-Listen, Tam said he won't make it
but he said thank you and he'll try and deal with it himself.
Oh - hi.
Do you know what, Tyler, can you just get her out now, please?
Just let it go, Lauren.
I know it's none of my business
but I know you like Anthony.
You should tell him.
I shouldn't even be here. It's bad enough me being in Walford with Dad.
If my mum knew I was out partying...
Hey, relax. All you need is a bit of Dutch courage.
I don't really drink.
Here's to romance.
Hey, you all right?
-Was hoping you'd pop in.
Yeah. Are you really moving out?
-Well, you know, all good things.
-OK. If that's what you want
but don't forget, you've got wages up till the end of next week.
-Can't get rid of me that easy, young lady.
Listen to me. I've been thinking about the missing money.
Well, the VAT man, actually, and...
-What you doing?
Guess who's got a trust fund?
Whoa, stop, Rox. I can't do that, sweetheart.
It's just a loan. It's a loan. It's Amy's money, I can draw off it.
Amy's money? That's worse, taking from a three-year-old.
Alfie, Alfie, this is the only bit of my dad's money I kept.
You'd have forever to pay me back
-because she can't touch it till she's 18.
-Kat'd crucify me.
Who's going to tell her?
Just take it, all right?
Cos I can't have you getting banged up, can I?
-What would I do without you?
You still here?
Just saying my goodbyes.
Any luck with Jean?
We'll soon know.
Let's hope Kat gets her way. Then I won't need this, will I?
-Right, see you later.
HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS
You've got lovely hands.
Oh. Thank you. You've got nice hands too there.
I like skin.
I'm...I'm a skin person.
Smooth skin's my favourite.
Then after that...
less smooth skin.
Oi. What you laughing at, eh?
You all right?
I think he likes you.
Heard you were back.
She all right?
Oh yeah, she's just peachy.
-Not sure I'd be wanting to kiss that later.
S'all right. Nice and slow, there you go.
Get you back inside, eh? This way.
SHE VOMITS AGAIN
We shall be having words about this later, Anthony.
Come on, Angel. Come on, up you get.
Come on, sweetheart.
Let's get you home, shall we?
You should have made her a bacon buttie.
Lined her stomach.
I want our money back.
-Jean still giving it all that, is she?
-Yeah. I wonder why.
You've come to the wrong person, sorry.
That's very disappointing.
Jean's sick. She needs a physician.
No-one's as sick as you, Michael.
And no-one's going to need help as much as you.
You need to speak to Roxy. Billy. Jack, even.
They'll tell you what they saw in her room.
You know she had our baby scan in there? Oh, yeah.
Amy's christening bracelet, other kiddie things.
She has a weird baby obsession.
If money's gone missing, you need to look to her. Not to me.
Think about it, Kathleen.
If I hurt you...
..if I stole from you...
..then I'd be stealing from Tommy.
And what kind of man would that make me?
You look amazing.
You never met Kat Slater, did you?
Well, guess what. You're about to now.
Cos when I prove that you took our money,
I'm going to rip you apart.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
Jean is horrified to discover from Jack that the gym's investment scheme does not exist and, with the Vic low on stock, Roxy soon becomes suspicious. Michael and Janine return to the Square after a weekend away - but can Michael keep his bride-to-be away from an increasingly panicked Jean?
Zainab's suspicions are aroused by Masood's mysterious behaviour, and Derek spots an opportunity when he sees Lucy struggling to manage Ian's businesses.