10/02/2013 EastEnders Omnibus

Er, has Kamil gone to Rehan's?

You should've called me down.

Come on, Zee.

You can't keep up this silent treatment for ever.

I said I'm sorry about the imam.

I wanted that water feature finished...

..wanted to show them...

..all those people who think we're no better than squatters...

..I wanted them to see that we were proud...

that we were united...

..everything's ruined.

You all right, Lucy?

Luce? Luce?

-Is everything all right?

-Yeah.

I'll have the water feature ready by this afternoon.

Everything back to normal - if that's what you want.

It's too late.

It's not.

Zee...

..Zee, I promise I will sort this, if you'll let me.

Please, my baby?

Baby, please?

Yeah? Yeah!

Right. OK. That's sorted. Let's get started.

I'll have it ready before it gets dark.

Let's say...four o'clock.

Yeah?

What's the rush? It's been sitting there all weekend.

I want to make my wife proud.

Oi-oi, what you doing?

-Just looking.

-Come on, kids, I ain't got all day.

-What is it anyway?

-It's a second chance.

I thought it was a fountain.

'Masood!'

What are you two doing in my front garden?

We're not in your garden.

I don't need your backchat, young lady.

Last thing I want is raggedy children putting their filthy paws

all over my water feature.

-I wouldn't touch it anyway, it's rubbish.

-Come on. Come on, kids!

-Here, forgot your wallet.

-Oh, right, thank you.

And, please, can you hide those tools in the house,

before someone steals them?

Don't worry, by four o'clock this afternoon,

we're going to be the talk of the Square.

-Have you seen Dad?

-No.

-He's not answering.

And he said he'd give me the money for that research trip next week.

-When's it due?

-Today.

Oh. He's probably forgot, ain't he? Ask Nan.

I have. She's spent everything that Mum has left her.

-Are we out of cereal?

-We're out of everything.

Well, what am I supposed to eat then?

Oi.

All right?

No. Nan's spent all our money on fags, there's no food in the house

and I've gotta have 50 quid by this afternoon.

Well...

..I can buy you a bun before I go to work?

Come on.

Oi! Oi, Michael.

Don't sweat on the coat, I just had it dry-cleaned.

What's the story with you and my sister, eh?

You know the story. She's my baby-sitter.

-And you usually drink a bottle of wine with your baby-sitter, do you?

-If they're thirsty.

-Yeah, and buy her flowers, and things like that?

-Everyone loves flowers.

Listen, mate, she's had a rough time of it recently.

Last thing she needs is somebody like you taking advantage of her.

Somebody like me? How rude. I'm paying her.

-You know what I mean.

-No, I don't.

-I think you're going to have to spell it out.

-Find someone else, all right, Michael,

but you leave my sister alone.

No...that doesn't work for me. She's too good at her job...

but, trust me, she's in safe hands.

Lucy? Lucy!

Sorry, I'll make another and run it over.

Well, if you were serving instead of texting then you wouldn't have to.

I wasn't texting, I was on the internet.

Oh, well, that's all right then.

Can I have two teas and a couple of these buns, Luce, please?

-Yeah, in a sec.

-She messed up my order, like, twice you know.

I hope you've got time to kill.

There's no point even going to school if I can't pay for this trip.

Well, why's it so important?

Because if I don't go I'll be way behind everyone else.

So what's this for?

A research trip to York. The university's biology department.

That sounds so boring.

Takeaway coffee, please. Can you make it a large one?

So, everything's suddenly OK?

Yeah.

So why didn't you show up for the imam last week?

My marriage is none of your business.

Yes, yes. Masood's been in here banging on about it already.

-He has?

-Yeah, and I told him he's barmy.

-Turning on a fountain in the winter.

-Especially when it freezes up.

It's not going to freeze.

Come on, it's below zero out there, you know.

Tell him to wait until summer, all right?

OK, don't forget, four o'clock.

OK. Bye.

Can you please stop harassing the customers?

Well, excuse me for trying to generate some community spirit.

The only thing you're going to be generating is an ice sculpture.

I'm getting my coat.

Oh, Masood!

Don't panic, it's under control.

What if it freezes?

-Anti-freeze, from the Arches.

-Ah.

If this is going to work, you've got to have a bit of faith.

I do. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I do.

Family dinner tonight? We celebrate together?

-Great idea.

-Bye then.

-Bye.

Mum's not answering either.

-Listen, how much do you need?

-50 quid.

Leave it to me, Shrimp, I'll get the cash.

-What did you just call me?

-Shrimp.

-Why?

When you're moody your face goes all pink and screwed up, like a shrimp.

Whatever.

-Listen, I'll sort it, all right?

-How? You don't get paid till Friday.

-Neither do you - she don't need your charity.

-She don't need yours either.

Can you please stop arguing?

Last thing I need is you two at it as well.

I'll just have to try and find my dad, won't I?

-No, no, leave it with us.

-How?

We'll sort it, all right? I promise ya.

What, together? Are you sure?

Trust me.

Thanks.

Erm, "Together"?

Do you want to get her the money or not?

Mum! Mum? Yo!

-Hey, Dex.

-Listen, Mum, do me a favour?

-What's up?

Lend me some dough, please? I'll give it back to you next week.

-How much?

-I need a fifth.

I'll just go and pawn your laptop

and bring the money round later, yeah?

You're not funny, do you know that?

All right. We've got a better chance of getting the money

-if we work together.

-Right, exactly. Now what's the plan?

So we've been engaged for five minutes

-and you are already skipping a lunch date for another bloke.

-I know.

Be worth it if I get the job, though.

I am so looking forward to saving up for the wedding...

and the flat!

Oi-oi-oi, cut it out.

Bit of young love going on down there!

Surprised you can remember.

Watch it!

-Right, I gotta go. I'll text you later, all right?

-All right, babe.

-See you later, sweetheart. Take care.

-Good luck with the interview.

I thought she already had a job?

Yeah, she's looking for extra work over half term

cos we're getting a flat.

Getting a flat...?

Listen, for what it's worth,

what you don't want to do is make it anything too serious.

She's a beautiful girl...

she's gorgeous, in fact, but, Tyler, you should be still out there,

footloose and fancy free...sharing the love, you know what I'm saying?

ALFIE CHUCKLES

-What?

-Nothing.

-Well, obviously I've said...

-Nothing, it's cool.

What's the matter?

We're, erm...

..we're engaged.

Brilliant!

OK...hashtag awkward.

That's brilliant.

What did I just say? What I said, were just words. It was rubbish.

In fact, they weren't even... I'm embarrassed.

I love marriage, I believe in marriage -

you've only gotta look at me and Kat.

-Actually, don't look at me and Kat cos that's rubbish...

-Oi, Alfie?

-Dying of thirst here, mate!

-Back to work. I'm proud of you.

Look at you getting engaged, eh?! A big boy now, ain't ya!

-All right, gents?

-All right, boys.

-I've got an opportunity for you.

-You two are supposed to be at work.

We're on lunch, innit? We're not all skiving.

So, you want to make some money or what?

We got a game at the Arches, two o'clock.

What kind of game? Hopscotch? Twister?

You crack me up, old man. Actually, it's poker.

Listen, I'm not sure how Phil would feel about you gambling on the job.

-Well, he's not here, is he?

-But he's got eyes in the back of his head.

-Yeah, two of 'em are right here.

-There you go.

You're not a grass, are ya?

Look, two o'clock. Arches. Yeah?

Oi. Poker?! You said this was foolproof.

Bruv, you've played before, innit?

-Yeah, a little bit.

-Don't worry, I'm an expert.

-Whit?

-Yeah?

Have you got a sec?

What is it?

-It's probably stupid. It's just...

-What is it?

Two seconds. Excuse me? Are you Marcus?

Oh, right, brilliant.

Right, I've got a really important meeting. So, I'll talk to you later?

All right?

-Yeah.

-What's the matter?

Nothing, it's OK.

All right, I'll have a coffee then, please, Luce. Strong one. Thanks. Ta.

All right, Al?

Yeah, sorry, I can't chat, I've got to get back to Michael's.

-He needs to be in the office before one.

-How's it all going? All right?

-Yeah. It's good. It's great.

-Not really a career, though, is it,

-looking after a little kid all day?

-Yeah it is. Loads of people do it.

Yeah, yeah, course they do.

Compared to somebody like me, you're, like, a genius, ain't ya?

Don't you want something a bit more challenging for you?

Why the sudden interest?

I just think you could be doing a bit better, that's all.

You've got a brain in there, should be using it.

Well, I'm enjoying myself, so...

All right. Well, I just don't want you to waste any time.

That's really sweet, Joey, but I'll be fine.

I need to go, Michael'll be wondering where I am.

Masood?

Oh, he's in the kitchen. Wouldn't let us go near it!

I brought you some lunch.

Ah, well.

-OK, thank you. I'm nearly done.

-Really?

Yeah. You didn't have to come and check on me, you know.

I was not checking up on you... OK, I was checking up on you.

I was just about to head over to the Vic, get us a bit of a crowd

but first...

..ta-da!

-Oh!

-See? What do you think?

-It's a bit over the top, isn't it?

-Zee?

I think it's wonderful...

and I am so proud of you.

You know, I really can't wait for everyone to see it!

So, whoever wins, Abi gets the cash, yeah?

Yeah, but we still need to find another player first.

Bruv, is it my fault that no-one round here don't want a bit of fun?

"Fun"? Think that's my cue. I hope we're not playing for matches.

No. Straight cash. Up front.

Uh-huh. What you got?

And you've both played before, yeah? I don't want to take advantage.

You should be so lucky.

Listen, I've played loads. You got no chance, son.

So, I'll deal - You're on smalls, you're on bigs.

He's used to smalls.

Slacking off?

Day off to get the house sorted. We don't all have cleaners on tap.

Neither do I - just get the babysitter to do it!

Oi, that is my niece you're talking about.

Hello! I'm sorry. Excuse me? I'm sorry to interrupt.

I just need a favour, that's all.

We are unveiling our water feature today

and I would really appreciate it if you could all be there.

A water feature? In February?

I know. Look, it means a lot to Zainab, she's been wanting one for ages.

I want to make it really special for her.

Like, a proper ceremony. So it's at four o'clock.

Yeah. Four o'clock?

No.

OK.

No, sorry, I've got to get the kids their tea.

Oh, look, I know it sounds ridiculous

but it'd mean a lot to me if you could be there. Please, Alfie?

Mate, no promises, let me see what I can do

but, if it's numbers you need, I shall put the word about.

Thank you very much. I really, really appreciate it.

-Four o'clock?

-Four o'clock.

-Four o'clock.

Who does Zainab think she is? The Queen?

Sending him round like some sort of lackey.

Yeah, he loves her, don't he?

He is an idiot.

Michael ain't Alice's type. He's old and creepy.

Right now, Lauren, I want to go round there and sort him out, don't I?

Yeah, and you're going to look like a psycho

and she's going to hate you for ever.

I'm serious, though, why would she go for Michael?

Imagine waking up to that smile every morning.

Shut up.

-See? You're being ridiculous, Joey.

-Yeah, I know, Lauren.

It's just, he just wound me up, you know?

Well, don't let it get to you

cos even if he is a letch, she ain't going to go there, so don't worry.

You just need to stop moaning

and why don't you just come round to my house?

I've got a free house.

Yeah? I could take your mind off Michael.

But first I need to go ask my dad for some money.

DAD! Dad?

Hey, Max!

Dad!

Boys, I'm out.

All in.

Confident.

Born like that.

I'll see you.

Relax...

..full house.

Four of a kind.

You muppet.

Hey. There's quite a crowd out there.

-Tamwar's on his way but we'll have to get started.

-You happy?

We can't keep them waiting!

HE SIGHS

APPLAUSE

Hello. Thank you all for coming.

Zainab and I think it's very important

to take pride in your family

and in your home, so I've been working really hard

on getting something together that symbolises this.

So we hope to lead by example and inspire you all to do the same.

OK?

-Great then. Allow me to do the honours.

-Actually, can I do it?

-Right, are we ready, everyone?

-ALL: Yes!

Are you sure?

ALL: Yes.

Here we go.

ALL: Hurray.

APPLAUSE

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

Look at the state of it! LAUGHTER

Is it supposed to do that?

LAUGHTER

-What is happening?

-I don't know.

I didn't think pink was your colour, Zee!

-What have you done?

-Don't blame me.

-You promised that everything would be perfect!

-Zee...

Just turn it off, turn it off!

You two! Did you do this?!

-Leg it!

-You...

-Zainab...

-You come here!

-Zainab, just leave them!

I will not be publicly humiliated by those vile children!

Come here, you two!

-How have you lost all your money?

-Cos he kept raising me.

-Don't blame me, I thought you had better cards.

-We were supposed...

-I was psyching him out. What was you doing?

-Will you guys stop it!

I'll just have to miss the trip and fail the module.

HAMMERING ON DOOR All right! Oi, I'm coming! What?

-Where are they?

-Who?

-Where are they?

-What's all the racket?

Your children - they just humiliated me in front of half the Square.

Kids. Get down here.

We spent weeks getting that water feature ready,

and now it's full of pink bubbles!

Zainab, let's just leave it now, please.

If you two were mine, you'd get a good hiding.

-They're not yours so shut your mouth, Zainab.

-What have you done?

-It doesn't matter. Come on, let's go home.

-Everything is ruined now!

They're not the ones making a scene right now.

-We put pink bubble bath in the fountain.

-Why?

Cos she said we had filthy paws.

Oh, well, think that makes you just about even, don't it?

-I want them grounded for a month.

-Don't tell me how to raise my kids.

Oh, "raise"? Is that what you call it?

-I thought animals were REARED.

-That's it, get out!

-Right. Get out!

-Come on, let's go. Let's go.

-Let go, Masood!

-Are we in trouble?

-Did you use all the pink bubble bath?

Yeah.

Good. I hated that stuff.

-I'm sorry.

-Just go home.

Move.

-Didn't you find Dad then?

-What does it look like?

I did see him on the Square earlier and he was acting really weird

cos it was like he was avoiding me.

-Why would he be avoiding us?

-Dunno.

Why don't you go round to Jack's?

See if he's there and we'll try and find out what's going on.

Why don't you find out?

Do you want the money or not?

DOOR CLOSING

-You're early.

-Yeah, I worked late the other night

so Michael made it up to me

AND he gave me a 50 quid bonus.

Told me to go and treat myself.

What d'you think?

What, he's buying you presents now, is he?

No. I bought it.

Alice, I don't want you working for him any more.

-What?

-He's a creep and I don't want him near you.

So all that career talk had nothing to do with me at all? Did it?

It's because you've got a problem with Michael.

It just ain't right, Alice. Wine and bonuses and things...

-Is this because he's treating me like a grown-up and not a kid?

-No.

It's because he's taking advantage. That's why.

In what way?

Why have you always got to see the worst in people, Joey?

-Look, first thing tomorrow I'd like you to quit, please.

-No.

-Alice...yes.

-No.

I like my job and I like Michael.

Get over it.

You were supposed to call me. How'd it go?

Waste of time. Six-week contract so I'd have to give up the nursery.

-Something else'll turn up.

-I want to get our own place.

-It'll happen, babe.

-I really miss us living together.

Me too.

But you know what Bianca said, there's not enough room, is there?

Where is she anyway?

Oh, she's gone down the Vic. Left me with the kids.

-Why don't we take them down there, tell everyone the news?

-Not yet.

Come on, this is ridiculous!

This is supposed to be one of the most exciting times of our lives

-and we're stuck in here.

-I know.

I told you, I want us to get our own place.

-We have to prove we're serious.

-We are serious.

-We don't have a ring yet.

-I'm saving up, ain't I?

I know you are.

Look, the thing is if we told anyone before then,

people might not take us seriously.

I want to be able to show them this is for ever, you know?

Yeah. I guess you're right.

-If Alfie thinks we're too young, everyone...

-Alfie?

-I mean, that's probably what he'd be think...

-You told Alfie?

-No.

-Tyler.

-OK, yes.

-Tyler, you promised.

-It just came out.

-Bianca and Carol are down at the Vic!

-He won't tell no-one.

You told him it's private, did you?

-I'll go over there now.

-Yeah.

PHONE RINGS

Luce, couldn't give us some change, could you? Some five-pound notes?

Sure.

-That was a 50.

-Oh, sorry.

Are you sure you're OK, darling?

You just seem a bit all over the place today.

I'm fine.

Come on, Lucy, tell me what's happened? Is it your dad?

Is Bobby all right?

Luce...

..come on...tell me.

Erm...

..I was in the shower this morning...

and I found a lump...

-..I don't know what to do.

-Oh, sweetheart.

There you go, darling. Thanks very much.

Thought I'd hang around and give you a lift,

which is a good thing, seeing as you lost all your money!

Weren't even my fault. It was that Jay.

You know what, him, he's as dumb as a box of spanners, you know that?

Dexter!

-Have you tried Jack's?

-Yeah, no-one's home.

-You looking for your dad?

-Yeah.

I saw him this morning coming out the B&B.

Maybe he's gone back there, Abs.

Well, why would he be staying at the B&B?

I don't know, I'm just saying.

-All right, thanks.

-All right, darling, see you later.

-All right?

-Yeah, I will be when I've had a drink.

Is something wrong?

Just had Zainab round shouting the odds.

-Zainab?

-Yeah, Zainab, why?

No reason.

Hey, here he is, Bianca, your future son-in-law!

Nice one, mate, don't forget I owe you a drink,

and your beautiful fiancee of course.

-So, where is Whitney, then?

-What did you just say?

-Thanks, mate.

Thanks a lot.

Get you the keys.

Who's going to take it? You?

Have you seen my dad?

-Oh, I think he's upstairs.

-Which room?

-Room four.

Now, I think I've given you everything.

Down the corridor and to your left.

OK. Enjoy your stay.

Abi.

I'll run some more water through it, it'll be fine.

It won't be "fine," none of this will be "fine"!

If we stay calm and we fix it, it'll be working properly tomorrow.

What does it matter what we do, Masood? Everything is ruined.

-People are laughing at us.

-You're being oversensitive.

You promised me that everything would be perfect!

-Well, it's not my fault!

-All I ever get from you is empty promises.

What? I have been working really hard all day

-to try and make this a success for you.

-And you failed!

-Like you do again and again...

-Oh, I NEVER had a chance, did I?

-This isn't about your stupid water fountain!

-Yes, it is!

No, Zee! No, it's not! It was about us...

..but no matter how hard I try it's always about you, isn't it?

-Never about us, never me.

-About me? Don't you dare...

Who was left sitting here with the imam, by herself, all Friday night?!

But you never asked me, did you? Never asked me why?

Never asked what was going on with me, did you?

No, I just get the SILENT treatment all weekend.

I had to sit there with a smile on my face

and come up with some RIDICULOUS cover story

-as to why YOU couldn't make it...

-You're just not listening!

I was thinking and focussing about our marriage.

What were you doing, sitting down the pub?!

Masood, just come back inside.

Why?

In case our neighbours see what kind of disaster our "perfect" family is?

Just stop this...

You're so concerned about what everyone else thinks

you can't even face what's going on!

Every day I struggle to make a better life for this family

and all you do is drag us down.

You can't... You're just not LISTENING to me!

Yet again we are the laughing stock of the Square!

Yet again it's up to me to pick up the pieces!

You're not listening to me!

Ask me why I didn't come and see the imam, Zainab.

Go on, ask me! Ask me! Go on, ASK me!

-Ask me why I didn't come home!

-Masood!

Ask me, Zainab!

ASK ME!

WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME?

Deal with your brother.

Abs.

Abs, can I just talk to you? Please.

Abs!

Abs, please don't run away from me, babe. Please! Abs!

DOOR SLAMS

Auntie-ji?

TV: 'He'll bone out the ribs for you, he'll roll your sirloin for you. Brilliant.

'But it's best to buy your meat like this. Not in little sweaty polythene packages!

-'20 pound to you, my friend.

-Ohh!

-Bargain.

-We'll come here again!

-'CHEERING Hello!

-Hello!

'How are you all? Is there somebody good on?

'We're doing a Lancashire hot pot.

'How long will it take? Cos I want me dinner.

-'How long have you got for your dinner?

-About an hour and a half.

-Oh, that'll be all right. Aye, not bad.

'We're using two cuts of lamb.'

You could have just told her you didn't like it.

Why would he do that?

Why would he...

What was going through his mind?

Do you think he's having some kind of breakdown, or...?

Why spend all that time building something up, just to smash it to pieces?

We... We need to get everything back to normal.

That water feature - it's taken over everything.

So, what we need - what everyone needs - is just a...a nice meal. Like we'd planned. A proper meal.

So once Tamwar's picked Kamil up... Ayesha, go and lay the table and...

-I'm cooking.

-Yeah, you're burning the onions. Give me the spoon.

Always has to be your way.

-Last time you cooked the onions, you burnt them.

-You've no idea, do you? How lucky you are?

-Uncle-ji's a gentle, lovely...

-You saw him with that sledgehammer!

-..considerate man.

-And nothing he does is ever right.

-Your mother wouldn't appreciate...

Nothing he says, nothing he thinks. You don't even treat him like a person.

-I will not be spoken to like that in my own house!

-It's his house too!

-Then why is he smashing it up?!

Do you blame him?

Why are you defending him, huh? Why do you keep defending him?

Alice ain't working here any more.

And she couldn't just phone? She couldn't send a postcard?

-Smoke signals?

-Funny. Now, I do know what you're doing, Michael.

Blimey. You really are boring, aren't you?

-You're taking advantage of her.

-Am I?

Let's explore that, shall we?

She does things I need doing. I pay her for those things.

Yeah. You know, you're flashing your cash about and your, you know, bonuses...

When she does things well, I pay her a little more.

Yeah. Buying her gifts. Earrings. It was earrings, wasn't it, Michael?

-Earrings? No, no. You've lost me now.

-She ain't working here any more, OK?

And she ain't gonna sleep with you neither.

-Hmm.

-BABY CRIES

Find your own way out.

-TV:

-'Painted in this nice rich old green. We've got the crown, of course, and then...

-You got something to tell me?

-All right. Keep it calm.

Or was I gonna have to wait for me invite?

I don't want your money.

Abs, it's not what you think.

You never even said she was back!

Right, well, it IS what you think.

-What's happened to your face?

-Nothing. It's just a bruise.

-This is to do with her, isn't it? She's always trouble.

-Please, can you not tell anyone?

Tell anyone what?

-That's all you care about.

-What's happened to your face?

-Abi, don't turn this into something it ain't.

-You were in bed, Dad.

-Yeah...

-Yeah, with that woman!

Are you missing your father?

I'm sorry that I was so sharp with you.

I should have thought.

-SHE SIGHS

-Do you want to phone your mother?

I love him.

Uncle-ji.

Masood. I...

I love him.

You have a...crush on Masood?

When I wake up in the morning, he's the first thing I think about.

When I see him, me heart goes mental.

Masood?

When I'm apart from him, time moves so slow.

-He's old enough to be your father!

-That doesn't matter.

OK.

I... I understand.

You know, you lose a father, and so you...

He's nothing like me father.

I love him. Don't you get it?

Sometimes, Ayesha, sometimes... people have...emotions.

They have very strong emotions. And they're -

You don't even remember, do you?

What that feels like.

This...

These things in your head...they...

In me head.

Is that what you think?

Why don't you ask him?

I know Masood.

-Do you?

-We were married before you were born.

I think I know him a little bit better than you.

Fine.

Nothing happened.

So you just lay the table...

-and we will pretend that nothing was...

-But it could have done.

I've seen the way he looks at me.

Waiting for me to come out the shower.

I know what's going on in his mind.

'In a towel?'

-Yeah.

-You... Just standing there in a towel?

Oh, what have I done?

-Like completely, totally...

-It's not about the towel!

I picked up a sledgehammer.

I mean...a sledgehammer?

No-one is blaming you. The thing was ug-ly.

I built something.

For Zainab. And then I destroyed it. I destroyed everything.

Most blokes your age just buy a sports car.

So, if it ain't about the towel... what is it, then?

It was a mistake.

Told you.

Not getting engaged - telling Alfie.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you first. I'm sorry you found out that way.

But I'm not sorry you've got the hump, cos I'm marrying Tyler.

-Just cos you don't like him...

-When did I say I don't like him?

Look, can we just talk about this like grown-ups?

-She don't think I am a grown-up.

-I do, but I don't want to argue.

-Why are we arguing, then?

-We ain't!

I wanted to get a flat first. We haven't even got a ring. I do love Tyler.

There's a difference between loving someone and marrying them. You're 20!

-You hypocrite! When you were my age...

-I was married. And I don't want you making the same mistake.

She's not making a mistake.

It's a bit early.

You don't tell me what to do.

I'm still your dad, ain't I?

SHE SCOFFS

It ain't easy, Lauren.

Oh, my heart bleeds.

"I couldn't help myself." "She was just there." "It wasn't meant to happen."

-Yeah. All of the above.

-It's not a joke, Dad. You seen Abi?

-She ain't laughing, is she?

-I didn't say it was a joke, did I?

See, just when I think surely - surely - you can't let us down again...

-Abi, she just came over. I didn't know, did I?

-See?

-It's always someone else's fault.

-It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.

Anyway, Kirsty, she ain't got anywhere else to go.

Yes. Because London's tiny, isn't it?

She has, Lauren, she's been having a really hard time of it.

OK. So, what - you just rode to her rescue, you had a few knocks,

and you just fell into bed, did ya?

-No, well, she had to get out of there. What was I supposed to do?

-Not sleep with her, Dad!

Not when Mum's only been gone a few days.

Just...

Just have a bit of respect.

Even just for yourself.

DOOR OPENS THEN SLAMS SHUT

It...was flattering. Like when I first met Zainab.

The way they look at you. How they make you feel.

Yeah, but those feelings don't last forever, do they?

I know. And things change. And...

what they change into seems normal.

She's just a kid.

And she's confused. And lonely.

And...nothing happened. And nothing's going to happen.

It just...

-HE SIGHS

-It just made me look.

At what I've got.

But you and Zainab, bhai, what you've got, it's solid.

-Is it?

-It's what most people dream of.

Ten rounds in a boxing ring?

Yeah. Because you stay there till it's all fought out.

You don't run away when it gets difficult. You shout and you cry and you hurt and you hurl

but you hang on in there, cos what you've got, it's proper.

It's...love.

I bet you never heard me put so many sentences together before.

THEY CHUCKLE

MASOOD SIGHS

I'm sorry.

-We're just going to have a nice family dinner, yes?

-For talking to you like that.

We'll put it all behind us, Ayesha. We'll forget you said anything.

I was cooking that for him, you know?

The onions caught. On the bottom of the pan. All right?

You can't pretend something's not happening when it is.

-When it's happening in your house...

-I am really trying here, Ayesha!

I love him. I am in love with him, with every breath, with every...

-This is not a movie, sweetheart.

-And I know - I know - that he feels it too.

-I'm going to see him.

-No, no, you're not. Ayesha, you're not.

You can't stop us!

Ask him. He'll tell you everything.

You are not going to see Masood.

But I think you should leave.

I think you should leave my house. For good.

I was passing the launderette, I picked up your dry cleaning...

-What do you think you're doing?

-I know how men's minds work, Al.

How did you get in? Where's Michael?

Give you a bit of extra money or buy you a few nice things and...

HUSHED TONES: Michael is not like that. You need to go.

-Come on, Alice. Michael's exactly like that.

-It's just a scarf!

-And the earrings.

-What earrings?

-These.

-You been going through my stuff?

-I'm just looking out for you.

Oh, like Dad used to?

I was doing that long before he came back on the scene.

That was when I was a girl. And now I'm not.

Please just get out.

-They've only just got back together. They split up over a kiss!

-That's not even your business.

-It was when you was moping about this house.

-I know what you're thinking.

You couldn't even come and tell her you'd messed up!

-You waited till I told her then...

-I had...somewhere to go.

-I bet you did!

-Deep down, you don't think I'll stick around.

-You don't have to justify yourself to her.

-And maybe I was like that.

Right, but when I met Whit... Well, she ain't like no-one else I've ever met before.

She's special. And I love her. And you know that.

Where did love ever get anyone?

Come on, Ty.

Bianca, you can't just let them walk out.

Look... I know we ain't always seen eye to eye.

-And I haven't always given you an easy time.

-You ain't ever given him an easy time.

But I know... I know that you are good for Whit.

But you're still doing your diploma. You're going places.

You've got your whole life, Whit - you could make something of it. Something more than I did.

-I'm still gonna do those things.

-Yeah,

-I

-want her to do those things. I ain't gonna stop her.

They all say that. Till they get you up the aisle, or...in an apron, or up the duff.

-Bianca!

-This is getting stupid now.

-I didn't get her up the duff. I'm not...going to get her up the duff.

Whit, this is not all heart-shaped balloons, yeah?

-Don't take the mick.

-Look. Look at me. I was married.

It's hard. Things change. People get hurt. Look at me. Look at your nan!

Just slow down a bit, yeah? This is your home.

We like having you here. There's no rush.

I just want to be happy. You know, just one little bit of happiness.

After all that I've been through... just one little bit of happiness.

And I thought you might want that for me too.

Don't worry.

Why didn't you tell anyone?

Like who?

I mean, my dad's not here...

and even if he was, I couldn't tell him, cos he'd just get too worried.

He's only just started...

I can't get ill, anyway.

I mean, what about Bobby? And what about the businesses...?

-It's hard enough trying to...

-No, no, don't go...jumping to places that you don't need to go yet.

You've found a lump. OK, we'll get you to a doctor's, get it looked at and...

and then we'll take it from there.

It's probably nothing. You know, people...they get lumps all the time.

But if it is...

If it is...something...

Then, they'll deal with it.

And if it is cancer - and that is a big if...

..then...you know, people get it every day.

And then they get treatment.

And they survive.

-Joey, can you just get out?! Please!

-No, Alice. No.

-Just go!

All right?

-I picked up your dry cleaning.

-Thank you.

Couldn't you find the door? It's there.

-Michael, I'm so sorry. I tried to get him to leave...

-Alice, don't apologise for me.

Was it too many syll-a-bles for you?

-Joey, you're really embarrassing me.

-You're embarrassing yourself, Al.

You're such a throwback. Look at those ridiculous biceps. You don't scare me.

You're pathetic, you know that, Michael? Buying a young girl like that earrings, things like that.

I didn't buy her earrings.

I bought them myself. With my first wages.

I wanted to look nice.

-Well, she won't be coming back here, mate. Come on, we're going.

-I'm not going anywhere.

-Yes, you are.

Ah, that seems pretty definitive to me. So, I'm bored now. You can go.

You, however, you can stay. You can make yourself at home.

Joey, leave him alone!

Michael, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Are you OK? Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

Come on, home.

Are you OK?

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

-TV: 'It's like The Generation Game, this, isn't it?

-Don't be frightened of the dough.

'If I'm thinking, I'm not doing.

'Normally I'm quite good at this. It's reminding me of something I used to do when I was younger.

-'Here's the Hadrian we made earlier on, gentlemen.

-Why do you call it Hadrian again?'

I'm sorry, Lauren. All right? I should have told you.

-What, before Abi walked in on you with some other woman?

-Well, I'm not proud of that, am I?

Only she's not just some other woman, is she? No.

She's your wife.

-Your wife because you want her to be?

-Or cos she turned up the day you were meant to be marrying Mum?

It ain't funny, Lauren.

Really?

Cos I actually...I actually think that this is hilarious.

Just like the rest of your life. It always has been.

Well, I'm here, ain't I? I'm trying to explain.

No. You're trying to cover your back and make sure we don't tell Mum.

What? You don't think that I don't know what you're doing?

Dad's little talks?

Do you love her?

Kirsty. Your wife. Do you love her?!

Get out.

-Abs, I'm just trying to -

-You heard her. Just...get out, Dad.

Out!

I'm sorry. He always does that. Like I'm some little girl.

-Is that OK?

-Mm.

Nice.

Thank you. Thanks for cleaning me up.

You can go now.

For good.

Mum...is like a balloon.

And if you don't want her to pop...

you just have to walk away... and have a milkshake.

And then come back later when the air's let out.

Syed told me that when I was little. And now I'm telling you.

Mummy's a balloon.

CAR HORN HONKS

I called a taxi.

I didn't mean that you had to go right away.

Don't worry, I'm not going to go see him.

I'm not even going to say bye. There's enough hurt here already.

I'm going home.

-I really didn't think Alfie was gonna tell them.

-It don't matter.

I wanted... I wanted to tell you first that they knew.

But...I had to pop home.

To get this.

Wow.

I know it's... I know it's an old one, but, you know, I've cleaned it and...when I get some money...

-No, it's beautiful.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

I love it.

And I love you.

If you just...said sorry, we can forget about it, Al.

I just lost my job.

My kids don't want to see me any more.

Neither of them do.

Tomorrow, couple of days... it will seem different.

Yeah.

So it's, er...it's just the... four of us tonight, then?

Ayesha has decided to go home.

You don't seem very surprised.

No, she...she probably misses her mum.

Her mum.

Yeah. Of course.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Have you... Has... you and Ayesha had, er...

I know, Mas.

I know everything.

TRAIN WHISTLES PAST

AEROPLANE FLIES OVERHEAD

CLOCK TICKS

Can't hear the birds today.

I know you're awake.

I can tell by your breathing.

I could always tell by your breathing.

No.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

No birds.

-Ayesha...

-Don't.

She'll be fine.

Girls like her always are.

Nothing happened, Zee.

I know.

But you thought about it.

Didn't you?

I don't blame you, Masood.

She doesn't nag you every minute of every day.

You don't nag me every minute.

Yes, I do.

AJ SIGHS

I can't move.

You ate ten!

'Ate' kind of implies that he chewed them!

I chewed them!

Soaking them in your chai and squishing them in your mouth

doesn't really count as chewing.

Oh. Aaloo Paratha?

-We need to tidy it all up.

-Yeah, yeah, when we've finished.

You've not finished?

I mean everything. The kitchen, the cupboards, the house.

I want to clear everything up.

I want to make it all fresh.

I'm... I'm working.

I know. So go.

I mean all of you. Can you please all just go? This is me.

-I'll take you to nursery.

-Where's Ayesha?

-Go and put your shoes on.

-Where's Ayesha?

He's right. Where IS Ayesha?

All our lives here, in this house.

Cos Dad smashes up a fountain and Ayesha disappears.

-And you decide to start cleaning.

-It's all a mess.

It stops. Here. Today.

Mum.

MUM.

Talk to me. I'm not a kid.

We...

Tamwar, I...

Just tidy it all up, OK? Clear away the clutter.

We need to start again.

Oh, so Zainab gracing me with her presence today?

I think "grace" might be pushing it.

I saw the state of her water feature earlier.

Yeah, shocking, isn't it? Listen, kick me to the kerb here...

Kids today, it's disgusting really, innit?

It's... yeah, yeah, disgusting. I blame the parents.

Bring back the cane!

So, is Zainab...

How about lunch later?

Why would I want lunch with you?

She's cleaning... The whole house.

Please?

No!

Mmm-hmm.

-What are you doing?

-What we should have done months ago.

Getting rid of the past.

I'll leave you to it then.

A fresh...start.

Come on, brother. It's not like they don't argue, is it?

I mean they even argue about arguing, don't they!

They're not arguing...

They're just...talking. With the doors shut.

They're splitting up.

It ain't like that hasn't happened before either!

I mean, it's like a revolving door on your house sometimes, innit?

Is this meant to be you helping?

Listen...

when my parents split up, it was deep...

I tried to help but you don't know what's going on in their heads.

Their heads are totally different and your heads are different to my heads, brother, you know?

Deep.

You got to stop worrying, all right?

Stop running round waiting for the rain.

-Look after you, man - look after number one.

-Like you did?

Yeah. You know, I had to avoid the war zone...

Yeah. Then you ended up with your drunk dad sleeping on your sofa.

Bit thirsty?

I'm working. What's the matter with you?

We should do leggings next week. Everyone does leggings.

-I don't do leggings.

-No, but you don't half do skirts!

SHE LAUGHS

Eh? Eh? Drink?

Oh, you've kept the boxes!

-Yes, because that's what you do.

-I know, but...

My mother does that. My grandmother did it.

Yeah, my mother does the same, but...

Masood, you buy something and you just - you keep the boxes, no?

What is this? Ugh! Sometimes with the things in!

Rarely with the things in.

Yes all right, sometimes, you know, the things they sit on the side -

and the boxes go up in the cupboard.

Everything, Masood, needs to know that it has a home.

Here - charity shop. Out with the old.

-Are you going to tell them or am I?

-Give 'em a chance.

That was us, wasn't it? Crazy big ideas.

All hearts and flowers and dirty sheets and ba-ba-boom.

-Ba-ba-boom!

-Oh, give it a rest!

Then it's five years of fighting, five years of "I can't be bothered to fight"...

Don't put the mockers on it!

Five years of "I've forgotten you even live here so who do you think you're fighting with?"

Come on, Bianca hasn't even bought the hat yet, have you, darling?

I think I'm going to tell them before they chuck money at matching towels and suitable pyjamas.

-You see, I told you, you should try it.

-I did!

For a moment earlier, I actually thought you needed to talk.

I saw this thing on TV.

With a couple and they, erm... they roleplay.

Oh...

Not that kind of roleplay, Masood!

Nurses uniform and the police and the...

Anyway - it's when he pretends to be her

-and then he explains things, and speaks like she does...

-Mmmm.

..and then she tries to be him and...

What a ridiculous idea!

OK, you know what? I just wanted to give it a go!

I am!

"What a ridiculous idea."

That is not me!

"That is not me!"

OK, OK. Uh...

Why can't you just stop laughing at me!

I'm not laughing AT you.

That's all you ever do! You laugh at me. You pick on me...

OK, then why don't you just stand up for yourself?

Oh, well, then let me finish!

Oh. Oh, look...

-Chuck it.

-But you like it!

No, Zee, I don't like it! You like it. I hate it!

I've always hated it. But, you know, you'll put it up anyway.

I can't believe you hate it. You've got no taste.

I have never said that!

Don't wear that! You look ridiculous! Look at your hair.

-Look at your silly moustache.

-I've never said silly moustache!

OK - ridiculous moustache. You're not even a real man.

-You've got so fat!

-You're going so bald!

-You're so selfish!

-You're weak!

-You're a monster!

-You're a failure!

Why can't you be young and beautiful like Ayesha?

Don't you think if I'd wanted to marry you again I would have done it months ago?

Charity shop.

-Here you go, girls. This one's on the house.

-Thanks, Alf.

It wasn't kids that smashed it, was it? It was you.

And now you're hiding because you think Zainab's going to bite your head off...

You're wrong.

Is it your divorce?

I'm still celebrating!

You've had a falling out with Phil?

Yeah, I told him I love him and he broke my heart.

D'you know what, this is stupid.

If you ain't going to be honest...

OK, I'm going to go and talk to Lucy.

We've got no cars in.

Can't a guy ask a friend out for lunch?

AJ, it is the middle of the afternoon

and you're already half wasted!

Well then, let's not waste the other half, too.

OK, do you know why I came?

Because you said Zainab was cleaning...

And...

and I looked into your eyes...

-Nice eyes, aren't they?

-..and I thought...

..I thought "Here's a man that needs to talk."

Kat? Bianca?

Yeah, that's right, you run away.

I'm in the mood for champagne!

You ain't the only one that needs help, you know!

Engaged!

I know, mate, I know. I can't believe it.

So as in - the two of you?

Like, the big dresses, the happy-ever-after, the waistcoats?

Yeah. No waistcoats, but yes.

That is so romantic!

Yeah, marriage.

Well, erm, show me the ring.

Oh, that is like so beautiful. Oh, isn't that beautiful?

I tell you what then - why don't we have a party?

As long as we do it properly, all right? Like, go to the Vic,

-make a big announcement and that, yeah?

-Yeah. Have a party. It gets better.

-(You can't afford champagne, all right!)

-I'll pay you next week.

-Just pour it in a bucket!

Listen, you can pay me later, but I'm not going to be here later,

cos I'm going out with Roxy. You don't have the cash, do you?

Couldn't you give a guy a break?

HE SIGHS AND GROANS

-(What am I going to do?)

-Just tell 'em

-that you can't afford it, yeah.

-It's not about the drinks.

It's about...Masood and Zainab.

If I can't rely on them. If they're not there...

No, no, I get it. What, they rowing again? Couples row all the time.

-This was rowing with the sound down.

-OK, even with the sound down.

But they're going to get over it, AJ. It'll be fine.

Oh yeah...

Like me and Aliyah? You and Kat?

Listen. Whatever's going on between them,

it won't amount to nothing, all right?

Oi, AJ, are them bubbles coming or not?

Listen, you're his brother, yeah? Go home. Go on, go home.

-AJ's stupid games.

-It's called having fun.

Fun.

SHE SIGHS

Invitation to Syed's wedding. The first one.

-An invitation to Tamwar's wedding.

-The one that never happened.

-Oh, it happened!

-Without any of us being there.

SHE GIGGLES

First ever picture.

You and Kamil.

Ah, yeah.

HE CHUCKLES

What...

Ah, this was the last time your family were together.

Oh, my...

SHE GASPS

That was taken in our first house.

I loved that house. I hated that wallpaper.

-I loved that wallpaper.

-You hated it!

I loved that wallpaper. You just never asked.

I miss her, Masood.

I miss her too.

Children grow up.

People move on.

You know, I don't think there's any photos of all four of them together.

I don't think all of them have ever been in the same room.

Well, then, we'll have to change that, won't we?

SHE SIGHS

Oh my word, what were you thinking?

-It's not mine.

-Yeah, sure - it's not yours(!)

No, Zainab.

-No, no, it's not yours. Sure.

-Please.

I would have bought this? It's hideous.

Come on, don't deny it's yours. Here, look. See what it looks like.

SHE LAUGHS

It's Yusef's.

I'm sorry, I...

I'm sorry.

You know, he...

That man, he...

I know.

And I let him.

CHAT AND LAUGHTER

I'll just go and powder my nose and then we'll be off.

VOICES ARGUE

Would you like me to make you a nice cup of cocoa?

Come on.

-MUSIC PLAYS

-Masood?!

Oh, you're there. Come here. Quickly, quickly, take this.

Take this. I want to play. Please? Come on, play together.

I'll show you fun. Here, hold.

Ready?

-Come on. What are you doing, Masood? Stand up and play.

-Zee.

Come on, don't be a spoilsport, OK. I'm going to beat AJ's score.

I'll teach him. What does this body thing do?

MUSIC STOPS

What are you doing?

I don't really remember my father.

Cos when I came back from being evacuated, he'd gone.

And my mother was married to another man.

And I had a little half brother and half sister.

And I hated him. Cos they used to argue!

And he used to shout. And it frightened me.

But they never split up. They managed to find a way through.

That's what Fatboy said.

Yes. Well, some people, they're like that.

Whereas me and my Charlie -

I mean, we never argued but he had other women.

He used to come back, steal my money, take my odd bits of jewellery and off he'd go.

And then finally he went and lived with my half sister.

You know, Rose.

I mean, your mother and father - well, it ain't for me to say,

but maybe they will and maybe they won't.

One can only hope.

There ain't much you can do about it, Tamwar.

All right.

No clutter. No mess.

Just a huge pile of things for the charity shop.

Probably find a cure for cancer all on our own.

-Zee...

-So now, Masood - now we can start again.

You know, big line. Solid line.

So why have we divided everything up?

KNOCK ON DOOR

LOUDER KNOCKING

-How could you let him...

-We didn't let him!

-He wasn't with me!

Mrs Masood, now look, before you kick off, OK...

HE MUMBLES

Let's get him to bed.

Big tunes!

Brother, little man right here

is remixing the tunes and mashing it up, man.

-I tell you, he's smashing it!

-MC Kamil in the house.

-We ready to roll?

-Yeah, let's hit the pub.

-Hey, I've been on the blower, all right? Spoken to the troops,

-and they are waiting.

-We'll have to get going

cos I've got to drop Kamil off. But, after I've dropped him off...

And congratulations. Mr and Mrs Moon to be.

-Thank you.

-Thanks.

You take this one and you take that one.

Thank you very much.

-KAMIL COUGHS Oh, that's not nice.

-Oh, dear.

You all right?

I'm good. I'm good.

You know me. Always waiting for rain.

Dead to the world.

We should eat.

I, erm...

I grew a beard last year.

You didn't even notice.

Er...I thought it was stubble.

No. No, you didn't. You didn't even see it.

Um...

I will look at you more.

I'll pay more attention, I'll notice you.

We had dinner two days ago and you put salt on my plate.

It needed salt.

No, it didn't.

-Masood, I cooked it.

-And I was eating it.

We are not the same.

I just wanted you to enjoy it.

You wanted me to like it like you like it.

I don't even get to decide how much salt I like any more.

I let a young woman fall for me.

You didn't ask her.

It's not...

You didn't do anything.

She told me how she felt - and I didn't tell you.

I let her keep on living in this house.

We're meant to be getting married

and I keep something like that quiet?

It's OK. I forgive you.

I told you that I forgive you...

You - you asked me to marry you again.

In the Vic, in front of everyone.

Yeah, and that was only in front of everyone

-because you thought I was having an affair.

-What? So you didn't mean to ask me?

Of course I meant to. I bought the ring, didn't I?

And when you said that you loved me like before - you meant that, yes?

I meant I wanted to marry you. To be married to you.

For everything to be like it was before. Ages ago.

Before Yusef.

Before I met Jane.

Back before we lost the first business. Back before we even came here.

I thought...

I thought if I marry you...

everything would be OK again.

And it still can be.

Time can't go backwards.

You know that...

In your heart.

We... We can make it work.

We can move somewhere else.

We can go forwards.

Today we laughed.

When was the last time we did that?

That's a good sign, yeah?

We used to laugh all the time. Every day.

Every day when I was with you... was a beautiful day.

It was the best day.

Yeah. And it can be again.

You used to look at me like I was the only man in the world.

You hardly look at me any more.

Things change, Masood. It does not mean that I don't love you.

But you don't, do you? Zainab, honestly?

Truthfully?

Look deep in your heart.

Truthfully - what's there?

See, you can't even say it any more.

-I say it all the time.

-Zee...

You and me, Masood - we... we can get through anything.

You know, we are invincible. You and me.

We are - we are carved out of stone.

And we chip away at it and chip away at it.

Not just you - we do.

Year after year, we chip away a little more.

And then one day, you look, and -

there's nothing left to chip away at.