17/02/2013 EastEnders Omnibus

Oh, will you just give it a rest please, Tiff?

-LIAM:

-Mum! Where are my trainers?

-Under the telly!

At the table please, Tiff.

< What?

Come on, Tiff. Under the telly!

-I need a new bag, Mum.

-This one's fine.

It's ripped, so my pencils fall out.

Just take that in the front room, yeah?

-What about her breakfast?

-Take it in there. Morgan!

-I thought we ate at the table.

-I've got the probation officer coming tonight.

I ain't got enough money in my purse to show that I can even feed my kids.

I don't want anything to be a nightmare today.

-You're going to be late, Liam.

-Well, I can't find my shoes.

-They are under the telly.

-They ain't there.

Morgan, breakfast! Use your eyes, Liam, look.

Where is your brother?

-Can you see the stain? You can see that, can't you?

-Yeah.

-I've got an interview tomorrow. Morgan's ruined my top. He's put ketchup on it.

-Well, wash it.

-I have, three times.

-Look, I'll buy you a new one.

-Really?

-Yeah, well, I'm working now, aren't I?

Morgan, will you come, please, when I call you?

What is that?

-Am I going to find that over a wall somewhere?

-No...

Don't lie to me, Morgan.

-Yes.

-Come. Show me.

MUSIC: "Waka Waka" by Shakira

-Morgan did that.

-Thanks, Tiffany.

"Morman"? What even is that?

-My tag.

-Your tag, yeah?

You begged me for a haircut.

You promised me that you'd be a good boy, and this is what I get for it?

DOORBELL RINGS Come here.

Tiffany, will you just stop it?!

SHE SIGHS

You all right? Look, this lot ain't dry yet.

You ever put a tag on anything else and I'll give you a good hiding. Do you understand me?

Wash your hands properly and Nanny will give you your breakfast.

You all right? Take that over and hang it out. Should dry pretty quick.

Suppliers giving us dirty clothes - it shouldn't be allowed, should it?

-Kat, I'll have to meet you over there in five minutes and help you set up.

-Yeah, all right.

-First day?

-Yeah.

-Nervous?

We ain't got time to be nervous.

-I told him not to do it.

-Why didn't you stop him?

-Cos I was rehearsing.

-For what?

Being famous.

Oh! Well, you can stop that right now. Go and get them costumes

and take 'em to your room.

-Can I have a new bag?

-Tiffany, just go!

Liam!

They were exactly where I said they were. Now you're going to be late.

So what? No point me doing all this work anyway.

-Why?

-There's this trip coming up in a couple of weeks

that's a big part of it.

What trip? Wouldn't I have got a form to sign or something?

-Yeah, if I was going.

-So why you not going?

Costs money, innit? Got to pay tomorrow.

Where's it to?

Nowhere. Doesn't matter. These are falling apart, Mum!

-Liam.

-Olympic Park.

You're missing out on a trip to the Olympic Park?

-I don't mind.

-How much is it?

-13 quid.

-I'll have the money for you by tonight.

-It's fine.

That is why I go to work - to earn money so you lot can have the best chance.

-It's fine, Mum.

-I don't want you worrying about money. You hear me?

I don't want you ever worrying about money.

Bring the form home, yeah? SHE SIGHS

Quiet, yeah?

Isn't it?

You OK?

Yeah.

So what happens now?

Morning.

Are we out of cereal?

I'm sorry, I didn't do the shopping. Your mum usually...

So what you up to today?

Well, there's no cereal, so...

I'll just go back to bed.

-HE SIGHS

-That's what happens now.

What?

Tam.

You know what? It just needs to be pulled.

-That's it, pull it over that pole.

-That's it. There y'are.

-Sorted.

-I'll just get that bit over there.

There y'are. That's beautiful.

Hey! Morning, ladies.

I thought my two favourite entrepreneurs might fancy a cup of Rosie.

-Cheers, Alfie.

-Thanks Alfie.

-There you go, B. Let's have a look. Not bad.

All thanks to you, why we're here. Let us buy you a pint, yeah?

-Nah, you're OK.

-Go on. Tonight?

OK. OK. Listen, I'm going to drop Tommy off in a minute.

-Is he all right?

-Yeah, terrific. Sniffles in the night but,

-you know, Roxy's taking...

-KNOCK ON WINDOW

Er...listen, I'll drop him back later, OK?

Good job here, girls. Very proud of you. Well done.

You know what? That will do us.

Right. Now what?

-We set up. And we'll sell.

-Right.

You ARE serious.

Just what this family needs - something to look forward to.

-Tamwar!

-How are we going to afford that?

We'll manage. Ah, here he is!

-University?

-Yeah.

-You want me to go to university?

-You want it too, don't you?

-It's too late to apply.

-Try through clearing in the summer.

You know it's not free any more?

You don't have to pay upfront.

Yeah, I can just get myself into 30, 40 grand's worth of debt.

I mean, who can't afford that? Oh, wait, not kids from Walford.

-Libby's at Oxford.

-Yeah, that's different. She's brilliant.

If you're average like me, with a family that...

A family that you SENT broke, then don't bother.

Tough crowd.

They're going great guns out there.

Like they've been doing it for years.

They're going to pop in when they're finished, just to say thank you, anyway.

Why would they say thank you?

Oh, well, I... I just gave them a loan just to get them started.

They're going to pay me back as soon as they go into profit.

-Oh, right. When's that going to be?

-Rox...

I'm not going to let her starve, all right?

-No. No. I understand fully. You're very generous.

-Roxy...

-I've got to get Tommy back.

-I've just been down there. I can take him.

-It's fine. I'll go.

-No, you finish your tea.

I'll go. You watch Amy and do the VAT, yeah?

Right, yeah, I... I'll do the VAT.

PATRICK HUMS

Ah!

Yo, yo, yo, Mr T. What's all this, man?

-Just moving these out to the back.

-You don't have to do that.

It's no trouble, man. There's nobody else around.

No, no. Bruv, you're vintage. Don't want to be messing about with big boxes.

-Look, man, it's only crisps.

-Yeah, I know, but trust me, just let me...

-Yo. Yo, yo, Kirsty-licious, you want to be careful Roxy don't see you, you know.

-Why?

Because you disappeared.

And I'm back. Experienced barmaid, ready to work.

Fats! What is she doing here?

I'm trying to help.

You're trying to help? Help and get out.

-Whoa, come on, Roxy.

-No, Patrick. She bailed on us.

-You need a barmaid, right?

-If I did need a barmaid,

there's plenty round here who'll work and not bail on me.

Yeah, until they work with YOU. Nightmare.

Didn't even say "please" once.

Not once.

Well, wonderful. We're all agreed, then, aren't we?

Not your best work.

So I hear you're the boss,

so how about you let me do a few treatments?

I'm only the boss while Tanya's away.

Oh, come on, nothing big - just a few pedis, maybe the odd wax.

Please? I'm trying to get everything sorted before Lexi gets back.

And, er, Gaynor's away, so you can't do it all on your own.

OK. Do you want to get stuff ready for Kim?

She's going to be in soon, yeah?

All right. Er...and the treatments?

We'll see.

Morning.

Ah, Denise. The post is there. I really need to be getting on.

You OK?

Yeah.

Tough weekend?

Not the best.

How's Tam?

Oh...

Yeah. Sorry. Probably not at his finest at the moment.

Yeah, well, life goes on, eh?

Tam and I are preparing for university,

so that means we need money.

Actually, I was hoping he could cover some of the shifts for Zainab.

Sorry, we can't do that any more.

New staff, they have to go through head office.

If Dom found out... Mas, I'd lose my job. I'm sorry.

That's all right. It's OK.

Plenty of work out there - you just need to know where to look, eh?

You know, Lister put that up before.

-When?

-20 minutes ago.

Ssh!

-See you later.

-See you. And if you speak to...

Tell her if she wants her wages, she's going to have to come back in and get them.

Here you go. That'll look lovely with a pair of jeans or a nice skirt - whatever.

-Cheers, thank you. See you later.

-Bye, darling.

-You should frame that.

-This?

-Yeah. That's what people do with their first sale, ain't it?

-Frame my first sale? I can't afford it.

-I need this tenner for Liam's school trip, and Tiffany wants a new bag.

-Where's he going?

-Olympic Park. Can you believe that?

-Olympic Park?

-Where did we go in our day?

-Can't remember. I was always bunking off.

-And me.

-All right?

-All right?

Hello. Did you have fun? Alfie said he's got the sniffles.

Yeah, it's all right. Nothing to worry about.

Thought he was coming out.

Busy with the VAT. You take him to playgroup, yeah?

See you later, little piggy. What does a piggy say? What does he say?

SHE SNORTS AND GIGGLES

-Thanks for bringing him.

-It's all right. So, listen, Alfie's got a lot on today.

I don't even know if he'll make it down to the bar tonight. So if you were thinking of popping in...

All right.

Bye, piggy. Bye, piggy-wiggy.

Only one little piggy-wiggy round here!

THEY BOTH LAUGH

KAT SNORTS Hello!

Hello! All right? Who's that?

Cor, she can half talk, can't she, that Kim?

Banging on about Joey this and Joey that. Do you know what?

I don't even think she realises she's, like, five times his age.

I'm not being funny or anything, but as if he'd go for her.

Know your limits - know what I mean, love?

Hang on. Um...

..did you check that ratio?

Ratio? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the ratio. Course I did.

Look at it - that's going to send her hair bright pink.

I don't get it. I followed all the instructions.

You have to check. Twice.

Kim likes her highlights very subtle.

Twice. Gotcha. Thanks.

It's, er... It's OK, but...

maybe we wait before we start you on the hair, yeah?

I'm really, really sorry, Poppy. I didn't...

No, it's OK. You just...

Just clean up down here, yeah?

Er...yeah.

Yeah.

If she doesn't want me working there, she just has to say so.

-Doesn't have to be a cow about it.

-May I?

What?

Can I tell you a story?

No, Patrick, I'm not in the mood.

OK.

Go on, then, if you're going to sit there like that.

I was a cricketer, you know,

as a teenager. Played for Trinidad and Tobago.

-So?

-At 15, you thought...

"Just a whisker away from the Test side."

-And were you?

-Left Trinidad before I had a chance to find out.

But it was during Crop Over Festival in Barbados in 1955.

Maybe '56. I did OK, you know.

Made a whole heap of runs -

some of them against a young Guyanese called Clive Lloyd.

Who?

Turned out to be one of the greats.

But, man, I belted him around the park that day.

Sent him home with a flea in his ear.

12 years old - come on!

Then the West Indies came over here in 1969

and I had a net with them, bowled a few overs to Clive.

The man damn near took my head off,

hit my bat down on the ground over and over again.

Pa-dum, pa-dum, pa-dum, pa-dum. Eh?

HE CHUCKLES

Long memory, that boy.

What's the point of this story?

It pays to be nice.

Yeah, well, try telling Roxy that.

Roxy's not the one who needs a job.

Market assistant?

Well, these have only just gone up,

so if you get in there quick, there won't be any competition.

So basically Lister's skivvy,

just grassing on the stallholders, basically, isn't it?

It's just an idea, Tam...

And isn't it one of your best, Dad?

I literally can't think of a job I want less.

I am trying here, Tam!

Do you think I'm enjoying this?

Do you think it's my dream to go digging around for part-time jobs?

-Then why are you doing it?

-Because I have nothing else!

Our lives changed last week and...

Changed? Dad, YOU changed them!

-You made her walk away.

-No, I didn't make her.

And now you think this is going to make it better?

-No, I don't think that.

-What, some miserable job

and the vague, distant, utterly unrealistic hope of university...

is going to make up for the loss of my mother and my brother?

Wrong, Dad. Very wrong.

He can go through everything, Steve. Bank statements, bills.

-Can even look in my purse if he wants.

-Sure he's not a stalker?

So, er, how'd we get on?

It's only the first day. Things'll get better.

Here. That should cover the Olympic Park.

-That's your share.

-Take it - we'll sort it out later.

-No, I can't.

Take it. It's only money. It's not important.

Only people that have got money say that.

No-one that's slept in a bus shelter with four kids reckons money's not important.

Will you be all right to finish up? I've got to tidy up before he gets there.

-Off you go.

-Know what?

I wish I could just go home for once with nothing to do,

and have a nice bath or something without kids all over me.

-Sounds perfect!

-You'll be all right to get this lot down, won't you?

-Go on. See you later.

-Bye.

And?

And I'm sorry I disappeared.

Anything else?

You're not a nightmare.

You frequently said "please".

OK, hop behind the bar.

Oh, those kids. They make me so proud!

Renee got a new one.

This will do you lovely for another couple of months.

Oh, Whit, this is for you.

-What's that?

-A new top for your interview.

Oh. It's perfect. Thanks.

It has got to go back, though.

It's a bit of a loan from the stall, really.

That's all right. Won't get much wear out of it anyway.

KNOCK AT DOOR There you go.

-I want you to take all them costumes off the stairs and put 'em in your room.

-Do I have to?

Yes, you have to.

-Hi, Bianca.

-All right, Steve?

-How are you?

-Yeah, come in.

-Through here?

-Yep.

-Don't look like she's coming back.

-Ever?

Don't think so.

Oh, Denise.

Top shelf, that.

I expect nothing less. HE CHUCKLES

Was it true, about the cricket stuff?

Oh, every word.

You're a dark horse, aren't you?

Yeah, man.

He could have played cricket for the West Indies.

Kirsty. Kirsty! Short on glasses.

I'll be right there.

Cricket...for the West Indies?

Oh, yeah. Middle-order batsman.

-Off-break bowler.

-You make that up?

You'll never know.

-PHONE RINGS

-Hold on a second, mate.

Listen, Kat...

-'I'm really busy, darling.'

-Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.

'No, I understand.'

It's just what we can't be at the moment is, like, being sociable.

-Know what I mean?

-Yeah, I understand. I'm sorry.

'Anyway, what is it you wanted?'

SHE SIGHS

It's Tommy.

Hey, sweetness. So how'd the day go?

She taking over? She'll be running the place soon.

If I don't send it bust first.

OK. I'm going to let you ladies talk that out.

And, sweetheart, I'll see you later.

You did really well today, Lola.

Yeah, apart from nearly turning Kim's head pink.

It can happen to anyone, darling.

Can you just please stop being so nice?

I'm sorry. It's just Phil's keeping Lexi for another week,

but even when she's around, he won't let me see her anyway.

I guess being a bad hairdresser ain't that bad.

But you're good. I mean it.

Look, I know it didn't go perfectly today,

but you're really good with the customers

and you're a quick learner.

You should be doing more than sweeping up.

I'm going to have a word with Tanya,

-see if we can get you on an apprenticeship.

-You serious?

Yeah. Why not?

Do you really think I could do that?

Lola, you're a mum.

This is going to be a walk in the park.

Cheers, then!

Are you accessing benefits?

Only the minimum. I've started a stall on the market today.

That'll be bringing some money in soon.

-And that's full time?

-Yeah.

That's good. How are you getting on with the kids?

They're fantastic. Whit's going to be starting working at a holiday play scheme soon

and Tiff's doing really well with her dancing.

Liam's going to the Olympic Park. My shout.

Have you been violent since your release?

No.

Have you felt like being violent?

No.

-CAROL:

-Yoo-hoo. Bianca, what time's that nosy probation clown coming?

Have I got time for a quick shower?

Oh.

Hello.

This is Carol, my mum. This is Steve.

Steve Lowe.

-Nosy probation clown.

-Sorry.

You can have that shower if you like.

-I beg your pardon?

-I'm heading off.

Oh. Is that it? You don't want to look at my bank statements or nothing?

No, I've seen everything I need to. I'm really pleased.

-Oh.

-Are you surprised?

No. You know what? To be honest, I was just really nervous.

-So everything's all right, yeah?

-Yeah.

It's really, really all right. I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

Enjoy your shower, Carol.

He was really flushed and burning up.

-It was only a sniffle this morning.

-I know - it just came on.

He had, like, blotches on his face and a rash,

and he just kept scratching...

I didn't know what to do.

It seems to have all gone now, so...

That's cos he likes having his dad around.

Look, he was really poorly. I really don't know what happened.

Well, you did the right thing, calling me, Kat.

-But, you know, he seems OK now.

-You don't have to go.

Um...

Might as well, er, play with him for a bit and...

we can give him his bath.

Kat, you've got it all under control now, sweetheart.

It'll only take an hour.

We could put him to bed and... have some dinner.

We miss you.

-I

-miss you.

I've got to go.

-I've got to do the VAT.

-VAT, yeah.

Right, I'll see you tomorrow, on the market.

I'll look forward to it.

It was the right decision, Tam.

I know you may not understand this, but it was the right decision.

For YOU.

For all of us.

You think I'm enjoying this?

You think I'd have done it if I didn't think it was absolutely the right thing to do?

If she'd have stayed...

it would have been worse.

She's not coming back, is she?

No.

But...

we need something and that something is getting you to university.

-That's not your responsibility.

-I'm making it my responsibility.

You know, if you go for this job,

I will match you pound for pound until we have enough.

-How?

-Doesn't matter. That's not your problem.

I would give my life to see you at university.

All you have to do is meet me half way.

OK.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, I'll talk to Mr Lister first thing.

Thank you.

Tam...

I love you.

Here we are. Week's worth, easy.

You didn't have to do the shopping.

Who else was going to do it?

I'm doing dinner, as well.

Really?

It's fine. Nothing fancy.

Mas.

We're going to be OK, right?

Yeah.

FRONT DOOR CLOSES

-CAROL:

-Bianca.

-Who is it?

-Come here.

Bianca Butcher?

What's happened?

We found him under the railway bridge...

with a few mates, during school hours,

graffitiing.

Watching. I wasn't doing anything.

Watching, then.

Get in.

Get in there!

Mrs Butcher, Walford Council takes repeated truancy very seriously.

If this continues, Support Services will get involved.

-Any penalties will be yours.

-Penalties? What do you mean?

Fines. Up to 2,500.

Two and half grand? I ain't got that sort of money.

Or, Mrs Butcher, you could go to jail.

I hope, if I work hard and remain focused,

to one day...

become a full-time market inspector.

See? Flattery, insincerity, everything an employer's looking for.

Think I'll wear that tie that Mum bought me.

You know what she'd say if she were here?

AS ZAINAB: This job is just a tiny pebble in life's golden beach.

She wouldn't say that.

Oh! Your five-year plan. They always ask you that!

Dad, it's bad enough I have to go to this interview,

without pretending it's my life's goal.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

OK. How about you? You're a single man now - any long-term plans?

I haven't had time to, er...

Good job I'm the one with the interview, then.

-It's freezing out there.

-I dunno how my fingertips ain't fallen off.

You've come home to get warm?

No, I've come home to get my son's backside to school. Liam!

The stall was really slow yesterday. You can't spend the morning babysitting him.

-Maybe you could do it, then.

-Can't. I've got to get to work.

What's more important - the stupid caff or your grandson?

Liam messed up, I get it. Don't you think you're overreacting?

See you later, kids!

Hey, where you going?

-Just going to get me newspaper.

-The curtain in the living room is dragging on the floor -

-can you fix it?

-Can it wait until I come back, all right?

-It looks like a crack house from the street!

-Yeah, but if it wait until...

-Am I all right to...

-Joey! Patrick, you go for your little walk.

-I'm sure Joey will help me out.

-What's that?

I need somebody big and handy to sort out my droopy curtain.

-Yeah, look, nuh, man, I said I'll do it...

-There's a breakfast in it for you if you like.

-Yeah. Yeah, all right.

-Follow me.

See? Droopy curtains.

Finally!

You look nice.

Yeah, well, I'm going as Nicole Sherbet-dip's body double today.

I'm being serious!

Don't be a creep, Liam. I'm still fuming with you.

B, could you run through my interview quickly?

Why didn't you ask me to do this last night?!

I did try, but you were too busy having a go at him, then you fell asleep on the sofa.

-Whit, I'm going to be late for work.

-All right, fine.

-You'll nail it. You look beautiful. You're going to school today, Liam.

-What d'you think this is for? This?

-OK.

-And you're way prettier than that Nicole bird.

-You all right, Ray?

-Yeah. Listen, Morgan's going to need these for tomorrow.

-What's wrong?

-SHE SIGHS

It's just Liam.

He's been bunking off and he don't realise how serious it is.

Well, tell him.

What - that I could be sent back to prison?

I don't want to freak the kids out. It's took me this long to put the family back together again.

-Let me have a word.

-You know what he'll say... "You ain't my dad."

Nah, nah, I won't give it the old father-and-son chat. This'll be man to man.

You want sauce?

-I'm glad someone's got breakfast.

-Toast in the toaster.

No, it's burnt and there's no more bread.

What do you want - red or brown? Say brown.

-How come he gets that?

-Milk's off.

Will you lot stop whining? I've been up from stupid o'clock washing your sheets.

-PHONE BLEEPS

-This is a bed and breakfast, Kim - the least you can do is breakfast.

-Give me a minute - we're doing maintenance.

-That's Sharon. I'd better go.

-No, Joey, look, it's still...

-I'll sort it later, yeah?

-Joey, please!

Happy now?

Look at that!

Right, can I have that bacon roll?

What's all this racket? And what's burning?

Kim's excuse for breakfast.

Patrick, don't start! It's not your problem!

Yeah, because you're too busy making eyes at the young boy.

I said, mind your business!

Scrambled eggs?

I really have to get to school, you know.

I thought you weren't bothering with all that.

So, what? You going to go full time at the chicken shop?

Might join the Army.

Go work somewhere hot.

You're a funny guy.

Look, no offence, yeah?

You're all right and that but...

you're not my dad.

Yeah, you're right.

Cos if I was your dad, you'd be too scared to skip school.

-Lucky Morgan(!)

-Mate, believe it or not, I've been there, yeah?

No dad. Mum tries her best, but gets it wrong.

-You dissing my mum?

-Look, let me tell you something.

I'm trying to do her a favour!

She asked you to talk to me?

She don't believe a word I say.

I thought you might actually like talking to a man for a change.

About what?

I dunno. School? Girls? Life?

There is something, actually.

I hate scrambled eggs.

-Lauren!

-What are you doing?

-Are you going to clear this place up? I've got homework to do.

-Yeah, so have I.

I heard you tell Whitney you've got none all week.

I'll ring Mum.

She's gone, remember? They both have.

I'm going back to sleep.

-Who lives in a B&B anyway?

-You what?

Oh. Yeah, well, you run it - that's different.

I kinda like living there, you know?

There ain't no cooking, no cleaning, no taking out the bins.

They're places people pass through. Give us that chair, will you?

Oh. Yo, yo, yo... Wait, wait.

Come on now, man, I can lift a chair, you know.

-I know, but why should you?

-Because it's my job.

But they only give you a couple of rums - they're paying me.

You just take it easy, Mr T, all right?

I can't wait to retire. I'm going to spend my whole time sunbathing and watching horror films.

Look, nuh, man, I am not retired -

it's my job!

So can I get on with it, please?

There you are.

All right, darling.

We'd better do something quick or we're going to lose this pitch.

Liam moans about not having the right clobber, the right trainers.

-I reckon that's why he don't like school.

-Kids always find something to moan about -

the colour of your hair, your mum's wallpaper.

My mum had really bad taste in wallpaper.

-I do reckon if I had loads of cash and he looked the part, he'd behave himself.

-You reckon(?)

When they're Tommy's age, you can't believe they could give you this much grief.

The amount of things that Tommy's been through, yeah,

he's going to grow up to be a teenager from hell.

You are lucky that Alfie's there to keep him on the straight and narrow.

I'm lucky that Alfie's there? Yeah(!)

I'm only joking! You're a great mum.

No wonder we're not shifting this stuff!

Just hope he knows that I tried my best.

Me too.

Listen, you be all right here for a minute?

Well, it's not exactly the January sales at Harrods, is it? Where you going?

All right?

Hi.

Now, er...

Now, either you can't tell the time or you've got a drinking problem.

I'm not here for a mojito.

I definitely know the big hand from the little hand.

Right. So, what? You lost, then, are you?

I'm here to make you very happy.

I'm very hard to please.

And I don't give up easy.

Joey, I've got a few calls to make and then...

-Er, yeah.

-You all right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, I reckon I've got this one covered. Thanks, Sharon.

So, er, tell me more.

I've survived childbirth

and God knows how many Royal Variety Performances - I think I can cope.

-OK, well, I'll be back for the lunch rush.

-Yes.

-You OK?

-Yeah, I guess.

When did kids get to be so cocky?

Bianca practically told me I was a loser earlier.

Tamwar asked me about my five-year plan.

-And?

-I'll start with a cup of tea, please.

Sweeping the streets? I can't imagine you sweeping the streets.

It's just a small fraction of the job.

-How small a fraction?

-Massive!

You know what? A job's a job, innit?

They're paying you, so who cares?

Yeah, but you've always wanted to be a...

play worker person.

I'm so nervous.

Dunno why - it's only a week's work at the play centre.

-What about you? How you feeling?

-Um...

like my life is over before it started.

Drama queen!

Er, can you learn to knock? I could've been doing anything.

Oh, yeah, like what?

Sorry. But listen, this girl outside...

Where are the Valentine's flyers?

Eh? Er...

Cos there's none out on the Square

-and we've sold eight tickets, Joey. Eight.

-Yeah. No, I know, Sharon,

but I was going to do it on the way to work but then Kim stopped me...

-Oh, Kim?

-Yeah.

-If you spent less time flirting with the customers..

-Yeah, that...

..and messing about with Kim when you should be doing your job,

I wouldn't have to tell you off, would I?

Are you telling me off?

You know, this job ain't some place you use to jazz up your social life.

The way you carry on, you're losing me cash rather than making it.

Oh. Is that right, is it, yeah?

Right now, Joey, you might be a luxury I can't afford.

Thank you.

Yeah, right.

Door!

DOOR SLAMS

Coffee when you're ready, Carol.

And for me, as well. Working hard again?

I've been grafting all morning, actually.

What you going to do now?

Pick a winner in the 2.15 from who knows where?

Oi, Patrick's worked his whole life for the right to take it easy.

Yeah, retirement's the reward for all that graft.

Hey, I'm not in the knacker's yard yet, you know.

There's Kim complaining about having too much work and I can't get enough.

It's not easy these days, is it?

Look at your Tamwar - it's a real shame, isn't it?

Boy with his brains sweeping the streets.

Mm. Means to an end.

I might get that tattooed on my forehead - keep him going. And me.

It's like Bianca - rubbish boyfriends, rubbish jobs.

Prison. Feel like I've failed. It's like history repeating itself.

Is this where you tell me you've served time?

You know what? I think I'd enjoy the break!

Anyway, she seems determined to make a go of this stall.

So maybe things are on the up. There you go.

Is, er... Is that burning?

Oh, no!

I'll have to start all over again! Lucy is going to go mad.

You...

Oh!

You're forgetting, you are in the company of an experienced purveyor of aromatic delicacies.

Oh!

Told you I'd make you happy.

Yeah, I know.

Right, come on, then.

Unbelievable.

Oh, Sharon, this is Meesha.

Yeah, I remember from when you were entertaining her earlier on my time.

-Now you're doing it with my champagne!

-Just listen to me for a second, please, Sharon.

You wanted me to earn my wages, yeah? Tell her, please, Meesha.

Wedding planning. Top to toe, from hen dos through to honeymoons.

We'd love to have R&R on board as a venue.

Weddings?

Yeah. Why not? We can get ourselves a wedding licence.

But for now, Meesha's just sorted us out a joint do, for stag and hen, for 40 people.

They're local and don't want to be trekking into town and back. This place is perfect.

Really? When?

-Tomorrow.

-We can't. Tomorrow's the Valentine's party.

-That we've sold eight tickets for.

-But there's too much to organise -

-we'd have to get it decorated, bring in loads of...

-All you need to do is keep the drinks flowing.

And enjoy the sound of money going into the till.

Think you'd better get me a glass, Joey. Well done, babe.

When we make our first mill,

Terri Singlehurst'll be the first one to get a free drink.

Who's Terri Singlehurst?

This girl who used to go to my school. She had a massive crush on my stepdad.

She married this geezer with a warehouse in Hackney. She's only given me the whole lot for 50 quid.

You're kidding!

We shift these, Liam can get them silly trainers he wants, no problem.

-Look at that - that's lovely.

-I know! 50 quid!

-50 quid!

Tam needs to start studying now - better himself.

A little bit of sugar.

-Really?

-Yeah.

I feel so guilty.

It's not your fault.

Only loaded people can put their kids through college these days.

My Anthony couldn't have made it through medical school

without his student grant, you know. See you.

-See you later.

-Er...salt.

-Yeah.

Thank you. So I sit and watch my son rot in a dead-end job until he can afford it too?

It gets me so angry!

Stir.

What you doing?

Hungry? Want something to eat?

I'm fine.

I'm skint anyway.

Get a chicken pie or something?

Why does no-one listen to me? I'm not hungry!

Er, I do nothing but listen to you.

I know how many guinea pigs you've had,

I know how long turtles are pregnant for...

I meant no-one cares what I want.

You don't want a pie?!

Jay, I've got all this to do, the house is a tip,

Lauren doesn't give a damn.

My dad obviously doesn't, and my mum - my mother - won't even answer her phone.

-Starting to realise you're the odd one out in the family.

-That meant to make me feel better?

Because you're beautiful...

..and brainy and more mature than all of them put together.

Keep talking.

It ain't going to be for ever.

We'll have our own place soon, then you can have all the peace you want.

Yeah, until you get home.

Just...take a deep breath

and rise above it.

Carol, can I have a chicken pie with two forks, please?

Yeah, yeah. In a minute.

I'm starving.

That is actually lovely curry.

Told you - it's Zee's family recipe.

You got to stop looking at what you can't do...

and focus on what you can.

Are we still talking curry here?

We are most definitely talking curry.

There you go. Cheers, darling.

Here y'are. Few more months of this and I reckon we can have ourselves a little holiday.

-How about Marbella?

-You been on the alcopops again?

I'm going to make my little man proud of his mum. You got to aim high, Bianca Butcher.

I'll go and get us a couple of little jacket spuds then, shall I?

-That's aiming high!

-PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Yeah.

OK.

SHE SIGHS I'm going to kill him.

Right. I think we're done.

Yeah. I'll have a little bit.

-Mm!

-What do you think?

Now, what would that Jamie Oliver say? Pukka.

Ha-ha! Pukka.

Do you think Lucy'll go for it?

She's her father's daughter - long as there's a few quid in it, of course she will.

-I hope so.

-You know, me and you are going to show our kids -

they're not the only ones going places.

-You seen Liam?

-Why, ain't he at school?

No, he seems to have an allergy to the place.

-He having problems?

-He will have!

He swore to me - he promised me - he'd go there today.

Come on, Bianca. All kids bunk off now and again. I did it.

Don't tell me Carol never had a visit from the wag man.

-Think you know it all, don't you, Shirl?

-You know what, I'm going to say it before you do, yeah?

I was a rubbish mum. But this? This is no big deal.

Well, it is to me!

You on some kind of mission to prove you're mum of the year?

-You're winding me up, ain't you? I'm going.

-Your kids have paid for what you did

and now you're making 'em pay again, going all Gestapo on them.

No wonder Liam's skipping school. Next thing, he'll be skipping your house.

-Yeah, he will. That's right, cos the social'll be slinging 'em in a kids' home!

-What?

I'm on probation, Shirl. And if he carries on the way he does,

they're going to end up putting me back in prison, if you really want to know why I'm angry!

Come on, it's all right. Sit down.

STEREO PLAYS: # I won't think about

# All the things that could go wrong

# Nothing left to shout... #

Yes! Come on, you want some? Get it down you.

Look, we're on our own now. Let your hair down.

Do you not miss them?

Do you not care that we're totally ripped apart?

Again.

Least we agree on one thing, eh?

Our family is completely screwed.

It's not like they ain't tried to work it out, Abi.

I've got friends and they don't even remember their parents ever being together.

-And that's horrible.

-That's what I'm saying. Dad's only over the road,

Nan's in the laundrette and Mum and Oscar will be back.

The way we've grown up - all together, well...

-..it's over.

-Don't say that.

I hate it, too. Course I do. But...

..now the only thing we can actually do is just...

..carry on as normal.

That boy thinks the world of you.

Otherwise he'd have done what I asked.

Then maybe you should have a chat with him about prison. Bet that'd get his bum back there.

Just cuts me up even thinking about it.

I'd never want the kids to know what it's really like in there.

Being inside?

I still have nightmares about being in there.

I mean, I wake up...

I never thought I'd say this,

but I am just so happy to be back in my house on my Square.

And not in that place.

You have a little bit of a laugh and a joke in there - you have to.

But there are people...

..that are just going to be in there for years.

That just really, really gets to you - y'know what I mean?

I just want to wake up in my bed

with my kids screaming and arguing over the telly,

Whitney nicking my perfume

and my mum moaning like she's always done.

I will do anything not to go back to that place. I mean it.

You ain't going nowhere.

-If you see him, will you tell him I'm looking for him, yeah?

-Yeah.

Thanks, Shirl.

Thanks.

Mm!

It's wicked - and the market traders will love it in this weather.

-And all the numbers work out for you?

-Yeah, definitely.

-I mean, if you can cope with demand if it takes off.

-I'm born ready.

I am trying to hold it together for my kids, including your son,

and you go and stick a time bomb under it!

Whatever you said to Liam, he didn't turn up at school again today!

The boy's just trying to test you, find his way.

If he's disrespecting you, then that's not my fault.

Right, come on. Let's go home...

Er, Carol?

"Free period", eh?

Oh, I hate school. No-one knows what it's like.

You ever wondered what it's like for your mum?

Sometimes you don't know the full picture. You understand?

Bianca - she would never have kicked off like that for nothing.

Think about it, Liam.

Now go home.

And be nice.

For as far back as I can remember, you've always said,

"Don't do what I do. Study, see the world, have a life."

Yeah. So what did you do?

I didn't listen to my mum and dad either.

And look at us. We both left school with no qualifications

and ended up having kids when we were still kids.

-I want better for him, Mum. For all of them.

-So do I.

But, you know, you're really busy on that market stall.

What am I meant to do - sit about all day watching Escape To The Country?

No! I'm just saying, running a business is really hard - it's time-consuming.

He just needs you around.

So what do I do?

Just listen to him. You know, he's... He's still Liam -

he's still your little boy.

It's Zainab's recipe.

I get 50p for every curry sold and Lucy pays for all the stock.

-Sounds good.

-I've been working out ways to cut back.

We can save up to £130 a month -

that's nearly two grand a year!

-How?

-Ah!

No satellite TV, value-line toilet roll, value-line bleach,

washing-up liquid, shower gel - which doubles for shampoo.

No takeaways, no DVDs, computer games, music downloads.

-No magazines, newspapers, cinema, theme parks...

-Dad, stop!

OK?

Why don't we just steal a police car and then just drive it into a court?

Because prison sounds better than that.

It's not for ever. If you get this job and this cafe thing works out,

we'll get you to university in no time.

It's a high-vis vest.

It's MY high-vis vest.

I got the job. I start next week.

Why didn't you say anything?! Well done!

How do you feel?

Relieved. Cos if I hadn't got the job,

you would have had us wearing bin bags for boxer shorts.

You know...Lucy's given me some cash up front.

This is for your first textbook.

-I thought you'd be at work.

-Kat can cope on her own for a couple of hours.

Oh, no, no, no. Smell.

Can't you smell? It's your favourite. Lasagne.

-What, you made it?

-Yep.

-Not from a packet?

-No.

-You put baked beans in?

-Yep. I told you. It's your favourite.

And Ray's got the kids for a little while,

so it's just me and you.

Sit down.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS UPSTAIRS

MUSIC QUIETENS

Well, me and Kat sold about 20 of them.

So was thinking, I'll use my share to buy them new trainers that you want.

-Really?

-Yeah. Want some more?

-Nah.

-You did like it though, yeah?

Yeah, it was well nice.

Been ages since we done this - just me and you - ain't it?

I was thinking before -

we were together on our own a long time before Tiff was born, weren't we?

I used to think it was funny, having a boy as my best mate.

You're so lame.

What? You were.

You thought I was the bees knees, innit?

Still do, though, don't you?

PATRICK HUMS

Sorry I've been a cow.

You've got a lot on your plate.

Unlike me.

Look at that! Eh?

I mean, these young people nowadays -

they don't know how to do a job properly.

Just leave it. I'll get someone in.

Don't tell me you think that I have gone past it and I can't hang up a curtain, huh?

-You're just like the rest of them.

-All I'm saying is, just leave it, you don't need to bother yourself.

Patrick!

HE WHIMPERS

Patrick. Patrick!

You're a good kid, Liam. All right - you're not a kid.

I know that. I know you better than anyone.

In a few more years, if you want to chuck it all away, that's up to you, but not while you're living here.

One afternoon off school and all this?

And what about today?

D'you want to know about today?

I told you I was going to school. But you didn't trust me, did you?

Do you know, that copper said if you don't go school, I could go back to prison?

They might have a welcome-home party.

What did you just say?

I didn't go cos I thought

I may as well be the loser

you think I am.

I don't think you're a loser.

Runs in the family, don't it?

Don't you EVER talk to me like that!

Why? What are YOU going to do?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do!

Tomorrow, I will take you to school

-and I will walk you in that flipping classroom if I have to.

-Yeah?

Try it.

Why are you doing this?

You don't know me better than anyone.

You've been banged up half my life.

You don't know nothing about me!

And if anyone is a waster, chucked their life away,

it ain't me.

It's you.

-I'm warning you now, Liam...

-For my trainers -

you know, I'll buy them myself.

I probably earn more money than you anyway.

And actually, next time, get the proper beans,

not that cheap rubbish.

-That is it! Don't ever talk to me like that!

-Bianca?!

Bianca!

MUSIC STARTS # You're just too good to be true

# Can't take my eyes off of you

# You'd be like heaven to touch... #

Joey?

Joey?

SHE LAUGHS

What you doing here?

# At long last love has arrived

# And I thank God I'm alive... #

Well, Dennis is with Jean and Amy

and seeing I can't have you for Valentine's to myself...

SHE GIGGLES

I thought I'd offer you my services for tonight.

-Really?

-Happy Valentine's.

Happy Valentine's, baby.

This is a joke.

I've been to school! You can't take me there and back all the time.

-Just keep walking, Liam.

-Or what?

You going to lay into me again?

Get home.

Is that the right size?

Yeah, you'll make her Valentine's with that, she'll love it.

Hey, peroxide! Hold up, love.

Ah, you got me more flowers?

Yeah, well, you know, I can't stop myself.

It's kind of like this hold you got over me, you know?

Any problems, just bring it back and we'll change it, all right?

Ta-ra, darling.

You all right?

Yeah.

Can you believe I'm walking him home from school at his age?

-At least you know he went.

-They drive you mad, don't they?

I'm going to make sure he gets in and I'll come back out and I'll help.

Yeah, it's all right.

SHE SIGHS

Don't mind me, boss.

Oops.

THEY LAUGH

You all right?

Afternoon tea for two.

Kim will have your guts for garters.

No, it'll be all right. She's visiting Patrick, isn't she?

I hope he's OK.

Yeah. Yeah, he'll be fine.

Anyway, Patrick would be more than happy to see you enjoying this one.

Kim will still kick off for you using the kitchen.

Nah, this is afternoon tea SAS style. I tell you.

In, out, washed up, cleared up, none the wiser.

Steady on the romance.

So, I've got jewellery, roses and a card in bed.

Yeah. It's only what any gorgeous woman should have.

Any gorgeous woman?

No, the one and only gorgeous woman.

That's more like it. And the joys of afternoon tea.

So, what else you got planned?

Well, that would be telling, wouldn't it?

Right, enjoy.

So, what homework you got then?

-I've got none.

-Show me?

Just give him five minutes to get in.

Until you stop bunking off, no going online, no games, no nothing.

Do you hear me? You're staying in.

DOOR SLAMS

HE GROANS

HE MOANS IN AGONY

The least you can do is go and visit him.

I'm sure he thinks it's my fault he's in there, you know.

We are going and that is that.

-But it's Valentine's.

-As if that matters to you and me.

We're not staying in here drinking all night

while Ray's in there, hiding in the kitchen.

We could go to R&R.

And be the only two people in there not loved up?

No, they've got a stag do in there, innit. Might a bit going spare.

There is only one bloke that we should be thinking about

and he is lying in a bed with his arm and leg in a cast.

We're leaving at 6.00, be ready.

Hello. How's the patient then?

I've seen better days.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Mr Trueman, have you got anyone that can help you at home?

Look, all I've got is a broken elbow

and a twisted knee, I'm not disabled, you know.

I know, but we still have to do the operation to repair

the ligaments on your knee. You'll need a lot of help.

I don't need babysitting.

Patrick, listen to what the nurse is saying.

To start with, even the most basic task will be beyond you.

Yeah, well, I know that, I'm not an idiot.

So, you've got someone who can prepare your meals,

help with your personal needs?

You see, when Jim had a fall, I was his carer.

You won't know till you get home how much help you'll need.

Can't let you leave without a confirmed carer in place,

I'm afraid.

Yeah, well, my girls and them, they're going to look after me.

And I got support here, too.

Sorry, girls? You've daughters?

The only named next of kin on your admission form is Anthony Trueman.

-I feel like I've got nothing left.

-Of course you have.

I flew at him. How can I ever come back from that?

By not backing him into a corner.

I feel like I'm the one being backed into a corner.

PHONE RINGS

-All right, then, maybe you should think about...

-Hello.

Yeah, what?

What?!

When did you find that out?

It's all right. I'll deal with it. No, I will deal with it.

Right, you ready? More, more. Do that one. Go on.

Right this is the one, the Dragon Tornado. Boom.

That's more like a dragon's poop.

-You cheeky little mare!

-No, please, no. No, don't.

No, Jay, please don't, Jay. Don't tickle me.

You know I don't like being tickled. No, Jay, Jay, Jay.

SMOKE ALARM RINGS

Saved by the bell. Open a window.

-Abi, there's a fire, we got to get you out of here.

-What?

Abi, come on, quick, run, there's a fire! Run, run, run.

What are you two playing at?

Chill, it's just some fireworks.

We wondered what the hell was going on down here.

Sorry, did we interrupt you?

Yeah, well, I've got to get off anyway, babe.

-See you at the club later, yeah?

-See ya.

See you later, big boy. All right.

How old are you?

-It's really nice, Kat.

-You tell all your mates.

That's the best value on the market, that is.

Sorry. Sorry, there's been a mistake.

-Bianca, what are you doing?

-I've paid for that.

-Just give her her money back.

-What?

-Just do it, Kat.

Sorry about that, darling.

Is there something wrong with it? Cos I can pick another.

Sorry, Poppy. Kat, the stall, it's closed.

What is wrong with you? Have you lost the plot?

Listen, my mate just phoned me. Someone's grassed us up.

The dresses, they're all nicked.

I just assumed they would have put themselves down as next of kin.

Well, I suppose they didn't want to presume.

I'm sure that Denise and Kim would be only too happy to help you.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not blood family, Dot.

-They're the ones who filled this in.

-Would you like me to talk to them?

If they wanted to be next of kin, they would have done it.

-Well, I think they were only being thoughtful.

-No.

No, they've got their own lives to live, work and the B&B.

You heard what the nurse said.

I've got to be looked after like a baby.

Well, I'm sure Denise and Kim wouldn't see it like that.

Maybe. This time a fall. What about the next time?

Don't be so pessimistic.

I shouldn't have been up that ladder.

-You know, I'm an old man, Dot.

-You mustn't think like that.

I mean, look at Pat. Jim.

You know how hard it is.

I am not going to be a burden to those girls.

Swear to me, Dot, not a word. You hear me?

Not a word.

I can't believe this. Knocked-off dresses now.

My week is just getting better and better.

Don't panic. We can sort this.

We'll probably get rid of them in a couple of days.

No, we're dumping the lot.

Without any stock, there's nothing anyone can do.

-That's a lot of money to chuck away.

-Kat, they're nicked.

Yes, but we never nicked them.

If we get caught, we get a slapped wrist and a fine.

Maybe YOU will, but I'll go back to prison.

Look, maybe we could sell them on to someone else.

Listen, if I get caught with these, yeah,

I have already had the Old Bill over about Liam.

I can't go back there, Kat. I can't. I just can't go back to prison.

-Do you like it?

-You've already bought me a present.

-Yeah.

-What you up to?

Nothing, I just saw it, you know,

thought it was spot on for you, didn't I?

-All I need now is somewhere to wear it. R&R tonight?

-Really?

Yeah, come on, it'll be fun.

Some of your mates might be there - Jack, Sharon.

I need to get to know your family properly anyway.

Hang on, babe.

Ab.

Happy Valentine's.

I'm not a kid any more.

Yeah, I know.

I wonder what Mum's up to. What do you reckon, Dad?

Valentine's Day, what a joke.

We've got to get this lot as far away from here as possible.

What about the ones we've already sold?

-Do you reckon anyone will clock them?

-That's not going to happen.

Maybe we should just try and go and get them all back.

-You need to go home.

-What about all these?

-Go home and I'll sort all this out.

-No, Kat, we're in this together.

You've got enough to worry about with Liam.

And like you said, the last thing you need is to get caught...

-It's not fair that you should...

-This isn't up for debate.

You go home, sort your family out and I'll sort this mess out, yeah?

And then tonight, you and me, we'll have a girls' Anti-Valentine's night

at the club, pull some fellas, forget everything.

Forget about these dresses, and forget about kids, and husbands.

All right?

-Yeah, all right, all right. Thanks.

-No worries.

I popped in to see Jim on my way here.

How was the old dog?

Not so good, Patrick. Can't get out of bed no more.

He just lies there with his eyes shut most of the time.

Oh, Dot.

There they are, my beautiful girls.

I bet you've been saying that to all the nurses.

Right, Dot, time to change over.

He's lucky to have you two.

I'm sorry, we're late cos I'm having to cover all Zainab's shifts

until we get someone in.

Oh, dear. Now you take care of yourself

and don't be too stubborn to do what's best.

-Bye, girls.

-Bye-bye.

-See you later, Dot.

So, what's all that about, then?

You know what the doctors are like - don't do this, don't do that.

Pops, sorry about...

Oh, Kim, Kim, it was an accident.

I mean, these things happen, you know.

To make up for it, I thought I would get you some medicine.

HE LAUGHS

You certainly know how to look after me.

Don't she just.

That will put him back on his feet much quicker than those tablets.

-Put him on his back, more like.

-Pops, tell her, 'ternative medicine.

It's all right, Kim. Save it for when I come home, all right?

Yeah, when will that be?

Who knows, you know? You see one doctor, then another.

You want me to find someone, find out what's going on?

No, no. But to be honest,

they don't tell you stuff unless you're family, you know.

Well, we're as good as.

That's that patient confidence thing, isn't it?

They aren't going to tell you anything if you're not family.

No, no, they're not.

I don't think I really want to go out.

Right. That's good, then, because...

What?

I was getting ready and I thought my gorgeous Valentine

needs a little bit more than two-for-one pizza.

So...get ready for the instant Jay Brown Valentine's!

OK, OK.

Right, what have we got here?

We have...flowers.

We have...chocolates.

Christmas re-gifting but...

We have a cuddly toy.

Not re-gifted, I hope?

Branded Harry Spankers, thank you very much.

And we've got everything we need for chicken stir-fry.

And we've got a bin bag, which is the most romantic bit.

-SHE LAUGHS

-You idiot.

Happy Valentine's.

Happy Valentine's.

Evening, girls. Have a good night, yeah?

Babe, look at all that. Don't need all that, do we?

Why don't we just go to town, give it a miss.

We're here now. Evening.

-Max.

-You all right?

Well, I will save this for you.

OK.

Or maybe I'll drink it.

And we'll get everything sorted for you when you come home.

-Yeah.

-I mean, it is going to be a bit of a mad jiggle.

Obviously, me and Kim, we're working pretty much all day.

But I reckon I could get Cora to help out.