11/04/2014 EastEnders Omnibus

Mum?

What you doing up?

A nightmare. A bad man.

It's not real. It's all in your head.

Do you want a cuddle?

Mum, it's the middle of the night.

Not worried about the smoke damage, are you? It'll be all right.

I'm worried about you.

Why didn't you tell us you were coming home, baby?

-Mum...

-Haven't even had a chance to buy you a proper bed.

No wonder you can't sleep. No hero's welcome this, is it?

-It's the school holidays, you doughnut.

-Oh...

It's not his fault, he's been up half the night.

Why'd you tell him that you'd entered him for The Hunger Games?

TIFF LAUGHS

It's not funny, Tiff. Are you not eating this?

-No, I'm not hungry.

-And what's with the face?

This about kissing lover boy, you know, whatshisface? Alan Carr?

-Shut up, will you!

-Don't talk to me like that.

I've got enough on my plate with this result thing tomorrow.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Oi! Don't push me, man.

-Liam, shut up.

Sh. Your mum's supposed to be having a lie in.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Yes, I heard!

Hello. Blimey, what you come as? Reject from the Playboy mansion?

No, I'm the Easter Bunny, aren't I?

Oh very nice. Don't mind if I do have a little one. Out the way.

The whisky smuggled inside the shampoo bottles? Genius.

Best package ever. Who thought of sending that?

Had to have something to drink with your Christmas lunch, didn't ya?

Was rinsing out bottles for ages.

You've lost weight. I'll have to send out more food.

-Did I send out enough socks?

-I could open up a shop, Mum.

I just want you to be warm. Were you cold on the sofa?

You can move into Johnny's when the bed comes.

I was all right. Cheers.

Who's this dog that knocked you up then? He nice?

-He rung you afterwards?

-Hit and run.

Liberty. I'll stand by you, girl. Yes, I will.

When Mum said there was a surprise pregnancy, I thought

you'd got yourself caught out, Johnny.

THEY LAUGH

Go get your room ready, Johnny. Make space for Lee.

-Lee, did you kill anyone?

-Yeah, did you?

Bomb disposal's about saving lives.

My baby's only been back five minutes and saved this place.

-And him.

-Don't suppose anyone'll give me a light to celebrate?

-Dad!

-Unbelievable, that is! Unbelievable.

-No!

Food's burning. Thought I might as well join in.

-You ruined my lounge, my curtains...

-Shame your clothes made it.

Come on, Grandad. Already done my Fireman Sam act once.

I came home for a rest.

Make sure you do rest. How long you got off?

A while. Don't matter if they're a bit crispy, Mum.

You sure, baby?

-Lance corporal. Not baby.

-You'll always be my baby.

-Mum...

-Sorry, I just worry.

I'm bulletproof. That's me. Come here.

I'm back now.

I'm back.

A pillow tied to her head.

That's all I could manage in half an hour.

I mean, she could have told me last night.

-A pillow's not fancy dress!

-She is a hatching chicken.

-RONNIE SNIGGERS

-Can you bring our breakfasts over?

Yeah. That kid is going to be scarred for life.

She's got no idea how humiliated she's going to be.

Turning up at the Easter egg hunt not in fancy dress

What, because you're such a perfect parent?

So, you've got a whole day off. What're you going to do?

Well, I have no man, I have no job. I have no life!

Come on, then. What's the news?

I've got an offer for uni.

Really? Where?

Liverpool.

-It's very nice of you, all this, Bugs Bunny.

-Easter Bunny.

DAVID LAUGHS

I thought we could do one of those egg trail things.

Liam and TJ want to murder each other, not go on an Easter egg hunt.

No, for the girls and Morgan. Look, I'm just trying to help.

I've been driving all night. I thought I'd come round and babysit.

-Want a peppermint?

-Yeah.

You two have got to go to work. Carol could do with a break.

What I'm trying to say is, I'm all yours.

Well, I wouldn't mind going to see Sonia.

See that she's all right for tomorrow.

And I bought toys. One Direction posters for the girls.

No, no, no. We don't need charity in this house, Terry.

Come here.

Come here.

Didn't sleep last night, did you? I saw your light on.

Kept thinking about what you said at the opening...

I was drunk. It was a free bar, all right.

Look, I'm scared, too.

But whatever you've got to cope with, we do it together.

Really?

Yeah, you old lush. I'm here to look after you, aren't I?

He's gone past. You can let your stomach out now.

I don't fancy him.

Oh, yes, you do. You want to know what's under his overcoat.

-No, I don't.

-Yes, you do.

I've seen him in the gym. All sweaty and lycra-ed up.

-Ron, stop it.

-He's got bumps in all the right places.

-Shut up.

All right? We could be sisters, couldn't we?

Yeah.

Right, wish us luck.

Our business deal.

We've got our big pitch today to take on those properties.

The reason why I'm dressed like this.

Yeah, course. Yeah, right.

Right. On that note, shall we go?

Dad's giving us a lift. Don't worry.

I'll get him to drop us down the road

so no-one knows we're getting a lift from Daddy.

Yeah. OK. I'm just going to go to the toilet.

-We'll meet you outside, yeah?

-Yeah.

Why don't you ask him out?

He was all over you at your birthday.

I'm not desperate and I wouldn't know what to say.

You've just said it.

-Ronnie, what have you done? Give me that!

-No.

Give me the phone. RONNIE CHUCKLES

Give me... PHONE BEEPS

ROXY GASPS

Ron!

Hi. That's quite an offer.

Shall we say 1.30 in the Vic?

Look, Jay, I might not even get the right grades.

Yeah, but if you do, you're going to go, aren't you?

HE SIGHS

So come and tell me the goss then.

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah...

No.

I, um... I need to tell you something.

Something delicate? You ain't been itching, have ya?

-Like a burning sensation?

-What? No.

You have done the deed though, haven't ya?

-Bruv. You live in a pub!

-Lee! Listen, just listen...

I mean, surely you can meet a nice bloke in here.

You know? Who told you?

Tom Daley. He wants your number.

No, I think I've always known.

And if you've come to ask to see if I've got a problem with it, I ain't.

And anyone who has, you send 'em to me.

Sorry, man. I just thought, you know, big army hero...

You think they're all straight in the army?

And you think that matters? We all sleep side by side.

The gays in Justin Bieber duvet sets, obviously...

-Shut up.

-Come here.

-No!

Nance? You heard the big news?

Still a virgin, ain't he? So ashamed.

THEY LAUGH

I swear you're too ugly to be gay. Call that a six pack?

Did you just call him ugly?

When you left I didn't clock you'd gone, you look so much like the dog.

Oh, talks now, does it?

So what's this I hear about the wedding of the century?

-Groom in a shell suit?

-Tracksuit.

You can tell a lot about a man from his tailoring.

An elasticated waist on a wedding suit? Really?

Yeah. So I'm the family joke.

Nah, I missed you. Both of you.

Tool!

This is nice, isn't it, eh?

Get downstairs and help your mother,

she's still panicking about Sharon's poncy wine bar. Not you.

They did teach you to clean in the army, didn't they?

Here's your new uniform. Let's sort this gaffe out.

Oi, oi, oi! Slow down, will you?

You asked me my advice and I'm giving it to you.

She's a nice enough girl but long-distance relationships never last.

She needs this. Got to think of her, haven't I?

I suppose she was thinking of you when she applied up there, was she?

Just remember, this is a two-way decision.

I don't want to fall out over something that might never happen.

But you want it to happen?

Not if you don't support me.

But, Jay, I need this course to be a vet.

Please don't ask me to say no.

Come here.

Don't you ever do that to me again.

Come on, what are you, Jane Austen?

Can't just go wafting around dropping hankies these days.

You've got to seize the man. Come on. It's only a drink.

Yeah, only a drink.

Look at the trouble only a drink has got me into in the past.

Although, although...

Oh, now she looks disapproving. Thought I was a modern girl?

You know, they don't always wait till date three.

She dribbled on Harry Styles.

-No, I didn't.

-What's wrong?

Tell her to kiss Zayn on her own poster!

-You shouting at my sister?

-No.

-Such a loser.

-Who do you think you are, calling me that in my own home?

-Where do you want me to say it, eh?

-Stop it! Stop it.

Just shut up. All of you.

Go over there, Liam. I leave you for two minutes...!

She started it.

Yeah, and I'm finishing it. Right you two, sit on the stairs.

Don't move from there.

And if you do I'll take every One Direction poster and I'll burn it.

-But...

-What?

-Enough! Whitney? Do us a favour, mate?

What?

These two move or even speak in the next 30 minutes, get a match ready.

-What?!

-Enough! Right.

Come on.

Where're you going?

Out!

Take it the DVDs were from you, then?

Been passing them round camp in a Top Gear box.

The boys were like, "Jeremy Clarkson's got a lot bendier."

Make sure you don't go blind.

And for crying out loud, don't thank me by e-mail.

Your mother reads them all.

That last e-mail you sent...

Didn't mention nothing about coming back.

Yeah, last minute.

Blinding boozer, this. You did all right.

Weird having us all together, though.

Haven't seen Aunt Shirl in years.

Yeah. Haven't seen your grandad in a while either, have you?

Big news about Johnny. Can't say I'm surprised, mind.

Can't have been easy for him, telling everyone.

I'm proud of him. Took real guts.

The wallpaper will be fine. Sorry.

HE CHUCKLES

Mum's choice, I take it?

He actually thought I'd be angry with him. My own son.

But I'd repaint. You can clean it but the smoke smell stays.

Why did you hit me, Lee?

9.90 please, darling.

Oi, Mary Poppins. You call this childminding?

Well, they're just shandies, aren't they?

And the half that's lager is still the half that's illegal,

kids their age.

I just thought, women's problems are men's problems,

so I'd treat them like men.

Give us one of my coffee brandies, please, Linda.

I'll be sitting over there. In that corner. Just...just there.

-All right?

-Do you have a bottle of nice champagne on ice?

I've got it in a fridge.

Of course. No need for a fancy bar...which is overpriced.

What is that burnt smell?

The smell of the last customer who left without tipping.

See what Lee wants for lunch, would you? Champagne...

Right, come on then. Who's going to start?

Well, come on.

All right, Linda? Got some change when you're ready, please?

Champagne! I see someone's flush.

Kat, you were late opening up this morning, weren't you?

You've been late telling us what's going on with our market.

Still, you're doing all right. Drinking alone, though?

DOOR OPENS

Look, a decent pint

and a decent mate are the only two sure things in life.

Women, they're a law unto themselves.

Though I do love Bianca, obviously.

Well, at least I've got a decent pint, eh?

Come on. Just say sorry.

Because Cindy isn't interested in him?

-Because he liked her and you knew it.

-She isn't all that.

Look, you're not a kid no more, so man up and apologise.

Don't you think you're going to need decent mates like him

when that baby comes along?

You think being a dad's easy?

No.

I'm not interested in her. I didn't know you liked her that much.

Sorry.

She don't like me anyway, I suppose.

Don't like me, neither. Don't get girls, sometimes.

But sorry.

Sorry for you, more like.

Do you even know how to change a nappy?

Nah. Do you?

Someone had to help my mum over the years.

You know, I learned a thing or two. Could teach you, if you want?

I...I didn't know that it was you.

OK.

Honesty, that's good.

Thought someone was breaking in, it was just a shadow.

How long you been back?

-A week.

-You what? You've been back for a week?

-Nancy...

-And you haven't even called us?

-I'm sorry.

You realise that every day we're scared the phone's going to ring?

I'm sure he's got his reasons.

Well, what are they? And have you even told Mum?

I dunno what you expect me to say, Lee.

"Don't worry, I won't tell her."

No, do you know what, Lee, you can tell her yourself.

You can tell everyone.

So...your text?

OK, look, I can explain...

I intend to hold you to it. Written contract.

SHE LAUGHS Cheers.

-Mum, can you come upstairs, please?

-Yeah.

But it's not like we're splitting up, Jay. You're my boyfriend.

Boyfriend who can't afford the train and it's, what,

five hours on the coach.

It's fine, because I've thought of a way.

Really? Go on, then.

Well, it's me that needs the specialist training for my career,

but you, you haven't got that much to give up, have you?

-Sorry?

-Come with me.

Come with you? And where am I going to live?

What am I going to do for work?

You were the one that said, let's run away together. Let's do it.

HE SIGHS

He was at yours and you never said?

You sit here, eating my food, watching me

worrying myself sick about him and lie to me?

Don't blame him. I made him lie.

My nut was all over the place, Mum. I'm sorry. I really am.

Why, though? Something must have happened.

The boy goes through a lot in that job.

What are we to understand?

I understand, thank you. I'm his mum.

A whole week of your leave gone already?

Why didn't you want to come home to us?

Me? Is it me?

No. You know I love you. It was here.

A boozer full of strangers. Asking questions. That's all I needed.

I just wanted to sit down. Have a few beers. In peace.

So you didn't think about what we needed?

Don't hate me.

Hate you? Never! Oh, baby, we're your family, everything's fine.

Say you'll stay. We won't bombard you with questions.

Will we? Please stay.

I'm not leaving you, Mum.

Well, then this is over. Welcome home, son.

-Sorted.

-What, by giving them a drink?

I dobbed you in. Sorry.

Cos Bianca didn't have her first drink till you was 18, did you?

Very funny.

Where are the kids?

On the naughty step. Whit's got them, don't worry.

Oh, Miss Misery? That'll be nice for them.

Her moaning about her love life.

It's all right, I've got it under control.

Looks like it, Mr Bunny.

7.00. Dinner, cold wine, calm house.

Oh, you've got Mr Perfect well trained.

Seems too good to be true. You all right, darlin'?

We're hired! All the lettings on Walford Common.

We're the sole agents for the first week which will give us

-enough time to let the lot.

-Yeah, course it will.

-No, I'm proud of you. Both of you.

-You going to go tell your dad now?

Come back to mine later, then. We'll go through all the contracts.

-You don't mind, do you, Dad?

-Uh, no...

-See you later, ladies.

-See ya.

They grow up fast, don't they, eh?

I meant in a business head sort of way.

Keep your hair on, Daddy. What do you take me for?

Right, keys in there. See you tomorrow.

All right, see you later.

Oh, sorry. Did I leave my phone?

What, in here?

Yeah.

Also, are you in tonight?

Because obviously we've got to go over the paperwork.

-With all the money you put in.

-It's all right, he's gone.

So did you book the hotel for tomorrow?

Yeah.

OK. Well, we can celebrate properly then.

Although...

DOOR LOCKS

..we could start celebrating now.

Tomorrow morning? 8.30, yeah? Thanks, Mum.

Dad's going to be well happy. See ya.

Did Lucy tell you? We did it. We got the flats.

Oh. You did it?

Yeah. She's really good, you know. The business meetings and stuff.

You should be proud of her.

So, tell me, have they got, like, beaches in Latvia?

Do you even know where Latvia is?

OK, well, then you'll have to take me one day.

Teach me some Latvian.

I'd rather you teach me some more of your English ways.

Hello, mate.

I caught you red-handed. It's not Easter yet, you know.

Terry said I could have one.

Because everyone went to the pub except me.

Well, they probably needed a man of the house here, didn't they?

Everyone all right? No-one killed anyone?

Rosie and Tiff are being weird. They're being nice to each other.

I can smell burning. Stay there.

FIRE ALARM BEEPS

Oi! Sleeping Beauty! The house is on fire!

Ah!

-All right?

-Yeah.

Except I can't get in my own house for her snogging

-some Lithuanian hippy on the doorstep.

-He's Latvian.

-Whatever.

So how was the date?

-It was OK.

-Shall I get some wine?

-You can tell me all about this "OK" date?

-Yes.

SHE LAUGHS HAPPILY Thank you.

You're welcome.

-DAVID:

-All right...

Do you want me to cook that for you?

Uh, I don't think so, Terry.

Think we've had enough fires round here recently.

I can't even do that, can I? Put something in the oven?

I can't even make one day nice for 'em.

All the women in this house are going through hell.

Look, mate, this is going to take me about an hour.

Why don't you get your head down upstairs. Yeah?

David, you know I'll do anything for Bianca, don't you?

Your family's my family.

Go on.

And don't think you can start calling me Dad

any time soon, all right?

PHONE RINGS

Whit, your phone.

It's Johnny.

RINGING STOPS

Do you want to talk about it?

Here you go, son, get that down your scrag.

Mate, what they got you dressed as?

What?

Oi. Something isn't right, you know. Lee lying like that.

Leave it now, Nance. Everyone's happy.

Let everyone be happy, eh?

Bruv, come here, look at the state of you.

It was him who gave you the black eye?

You've forgiven him?

Course I have. He's never lied to us before, has he?

We've only got him till Easter. Still, our baby's home now.

That's all that matters.

Gorgeous.

He's gay, but he kissed you?

Was he leading you on?

Well, I kissed him. So it's my fault.

He should be flattered.

Just wants to be friends.

Like every other decent bloke.

Look, everyone worries about this.

You know, whether they're going to be loved or not.

Well, I'm hardly everyone, am I?

Don't you think I thought that when Nikki left me?

Thinking, is this it for the rest of my life? Single duvet?

Convinced myself I didn't need anyone.

Until I met Bianca.

And then I realised I needed it.

Love.

You don't see the way people look at me, Terry.

What makes you say that?

Oh.

This isn't about that Tony?

Don't let Mum catch you.

Or you.

Can't go on lying forever.

I know.

So you still want to go through with it?

-Imagine if what happened to you happened to Tiff.

-Don't...

No, no, no, what I'm saying is, you'd still love her, wouldn't you?

-You wouldn't blame her?

-No. No.

This is what I'm saying. Look, Johnny can't love you.

That's down to him. That isn't down to you.

Do you see what I'm getting at?

Look, if Peter Stringfellow wheeled out 25 of his best operatives,

-that boy still wouldn't raise a smile.

-I know.

SHE LAUGHS

-So you're saying it's him, not me?

-Yeah.

And I'm saying it's hard enough looking

without picking the wrong ones to make it harder.

So, what's this, Team Terry all of a sudden, is it?

HE CHUCKLES

Look, darling, he's a berk,

but he is determined to look after you, I suppose. So...

What do you mean, what if I need looking after?

If the results aren't good tomorrow?

Don't be daft.

Come here. You'll be all right.

Go on, go and wake him up. Go on.

You'll find the right one.

Maybe. Or maybe I am just better off single.

Whit, if I was your old man I'd be so proud of you.

Of me?

Yes! You're brave. You're strong.

I just wish I had a way of giving you a bit more courage.

You've got to try again, Whit. Because you deserve to be loved.

Not all men are bad. Promise.

Come here, silly.

What're you doing?

Just having a chat.

-Get off her.

-What?

-Get off her!

Get off her! Just get out! Get out, Terry!

-Just get off her! Get out!

-What're you doing?!

-Get out! Get out!

-Hey?

What're you doing? I haven't done anything wrong.

I saw you. I saw you. You was all over her.

She's wrong. Don't listen to her. She's wrong!

-Is he a bad man?

-What is going on?

-Can you please just tell him to leave?

-What's he done?

-I saw him. In Whitney's room.

-I ain't that kind of man.

-Dad?

TJ. Take Rosie home for me, mate. Please.

Look, B, I promise you, OK, nothing happened. You are completely wrong.

Maybe you made a mistake. What did you actually see?

No. No, Mum. Please. I saw him. I saw him.

Talking. I was talking.

He was helping me. He was helping me.

Bianca, what is this all about?

What, you don't trust me?

You don't trust me.

Just go.

Carol, I ain't done nothing wrong.

Just go, Terry.

I've done nothing.

DOOR CLOSES

I'm grateful my sister got the fairytale.

You know, I would have asked her anyway.

So, payment as promised... for one perfect date.

Whit...

You had a restless night last night.

-I know, got a lot of things going through my head.

-Hello, love.

-Tea's made here, darling.

-Want some toast?

When I wasn't worrying about Sonia and Bianca's results,

-I was replaying all that stuff that was going on with Terry last night...

-I know.

The way she spoke to him...

I know. There's no excuse for some of the things that she said.

Yeah. He was just trying to look after me.

No, I was trying to look after you, Whit.

You accused him of being...

I walked in your room and he was all over you, Whit!

-He was giving me a hug!

-How was I supposed to know what was going on?

-Forget it.

-Please don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!

-Why doesn't she just understand?

-She doesn't want you raking it all up again for her.

It's raking it all up again for me!

It's time I went and got dressed.

Listen, listen, I have got really a lot on my mind with all this, like,

-results thing and everything today.

-I know.

Dad...

You owe that man an apology, darling. End of.

SHE SIGHS

-Hi.

-Cheers.

Hiya.

Erm, can I just get a coffee to go, please?

So, come on. What was her name?

-Eh, she's no-one.

-Yeah, right!

That'll be why you came in last night so pleased with yourself!

I'll have a coffee and a currant bun.

Er, I don't think so. It's your turn to pay.

I'll have the usual.

Er, are we still on for that business meeting later?

-Er, yeah.

-Oh, Dad.

-You all right, Abs?

-Yeah. Right, so close your eyes.

-Why?

-Cos I've got a surprise for you.

-Abs, don't do this.

-I don't like surprises, do I?

-Well, you're going to love this one.

-No cheating.

-I never cheat, do I?

-Come on.

You cheated!

Oscar! Hello, mate! What's happening?

Mum's on a night out with Gaynor in London,

-so you're staying with us tonight, aren't you, Oscar?

-Yeah! Yay!

-Yay!

-Brilliant! You all right?

-Yay!

-High-five.

PHONE RINGS

Careful! This is on loan.

-When did Dad turn into such an old woman?

-I know.

Round about the time he started dying his hair.

-Dad dyes his hair?

-Did you not clock?

-He don't, he don't.

-Ah!

-I knew that!

Ooh, ain't he gorgeous?

Not so gorgeous when he was snoring his head off last night.

-My baby don't snore!

-I could hear him from my room, Mum.

-The windows were literally rattling.

-Oh, shut up.

You love sharing a room with your big brother!

Still don't get why you didn't come straight home, though.

I told you...

-You could've just phoned.

-Don't get cross with me, Nancy!

-I get sad when you're cross...

-Shut up.

-Right. Oi!

-Ready to get your bum spanked?

-In your dreams, old man.

Right, come on. Out the way. Come on. Out the way.

Are you not working?

No, I put myself on nights, remember, to help you with the kids?

Yeah, my dad's, er, just taking me to the clinic to get my results.

I hardly slept all night...

Scared stupid about what they might say.

Anyway, um...

about yesterday, you know,

what I said, er...

I-I'm not myself right now,

and...the thing is, you know, I know you'd never hurt Whit.

You're not Tony, and...

I was out of order.

That's right.

Look, I've just come to say I'm sorry, all right?

-You all right?

-Yeah. I said sorry.

-Well done.

Now, do you want me to come to the hospital with you?

-No, I'll be fine, I've got Dad.

-I know, but I want to help you...

You are helping me. Look, you're having the kids.

And you've got to take Sonia for her results this afternoon, anyway.

-Soon as I get any news, I'll phone straightaway, yeah?

-All right.

-CAR HORN HONKS

-Come on!

-See you.

-See you.

-Right. You ready?

-Yeah.

BIANCA SIGHS

I just wanted to say...

I love you.

Well, what about last night?

Don't worry about it.

All right.

-Thanks.

-And do us a favour, yeah?

-When you get the results, give us a call?

-Yeah.

-Promise?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. I promise.

Look...whatever happens,

I'm here for you, all right?

ENGINE STARTS

BIANCA SIGHS

Ready?

Right, let's have a look what we've got. Ah, there you go, look.

-It goes on there.

-You're doing it wrong.

-Eh? That's not wrong, what you talking about?

All right, well, try that one.

-Oh, well done, smarty-pants!

-You're the smarty-pants!

-Cheeky!

-Shouldn't you be at work?

-Yeah.

-Right, I'll, er, be back soon.

-All right. See you later.

-Bye.

Right, let's get this bridge sorted out, shall we?

Rebecca has been going on and on about it.

-She's got so much work to do.

-I know.

Well, she must have left it here when she was baby-sitting.

-Want a cup of tea, darling?

-I'd love one,

but I've got a new ward sister, and she is on my back.

-Oh, right. Well, there you go.

-You've saved my life.

Listen, I'll, erm, see you at the clinic at quarter to three?

It's really kind of you, Mum, but I think you've had enough of hospitals.

-No, no, it's all arranged, I'm coming with you.

-Yes, but Mum...

Don't "but Mum" me.

Look...nothing's going to happen today, is it?

I'll just get more information. Of course, I don't want the gene...

-I'm coming.

-Really, Mum. Really...

It's bad manners to argue with your mother, Sonia.

-OK. All right, stubborn.

-Off you go.

Yes, Grandma, yes, it really is your little Lee...

Look at 'em.

Three little baby birds all safe and sound in the family nest.

-Yeah. Tweet tweet.

-Don't pretend you're not as chuffed as I am!

I've missed you, too.

He's as bad with her as you are!

No, you mean he's as good with her as I am.

You know what, Mick?

If I could, I'd knot him to my apron strings and never, ever let him go.

Ta, Marie. I thought we were going to the cinema tonight?

-Yeah, but Oscar wants to go bowling.

-So we have to change our plans?

He's only here for the night, Jay. We can go to the cinema tomorrow.

Well, I might be busy tomorrow.

Are you?

I don't know, I haven't decided yet.

-You know that childcare course I was talking about?

-Yeah?

Well, they're having an open day.

-Oh.

-Jay! What is your problem?

-Why are you being so difficult?

-I'm not being difficult!

-Yes, you are!

-No, I'm not!

-Jay!

What was that?

What do you think?

What?

-The college open day?

-Oh, not now, Peter!

-Do you want a cup of tea?

-Yeah.

KNOCKING

The tenancy agreements?

-I completely forgot!

-Look, if you...

No, it's not a problem, come in.

Hi, Oscar.

Max.

Hi, you all right?

Do you mind if we do the work upstairs?

Yeah, sure.

Why is she here?

Cos she's Lauren's best mate, ain't she?

Come on, let's get back to it.

So, this business last night with Terry?

It brought it all back about Tony, did it?

Yeah, well, I saw him and it took me right back there.

Yeah, I can understand that.

Can you?

Yeah, it's not something you can forget that easily, is it?

It was a nightmare.

It was a nightmare and I was right back in it.

You know, it's like you read in the papers,

like what sort of mother could let her kid...

And then you just think, well...

Me.

I'm that sort of mother.

I really loved him you know, Dad.

I loved him.

And I shared my bed with him.

And all the time, he was hurting Whit and I didn't even realise.

-Will you stop beating yourself up about it?

-I should have realised.

Yeah, and I should have been there for you, shouldn't I?

So what if it's happening all over again?

Look. Bianca, the man is dead.

And Terry ain't like that, is he? He's not.

-What if all men are like that?

-Well, not Terry.

Well, how can I be sure?

How am I ever going to be able to trust anyone?

Darling, everything's going to be all right. Honestly.

-Bianca Butcher?

-Yeah.

-Please, come in.

Do you want me to come in with you?

Thank you.

-Why are you being such a prat?

-Sorry?

-Abi.

-What's it got to do with you?

She's my friend.

She stood me up.

Oh, come on, Jay, she didn't stand you up.

-Oscar's here, she's going bowling, she said...

-That's not the point, Lo.

-Well, what is the point, then?

-The point is...

it doesn't matter about me, we never do what I want to do,

we always do what Abi wants to do.

And what has it got to do with you?

-You realise you sound like a five-year-old.

-Well, it's better than being a puppet, ain't it?

And what do you mean by that?

Look, if you're happy to let Peter pull your strings, that's fine. But I've got a bit more self-respect.

Do you know what, Jay? You really are a prat.

-What? Is that it then?

-Yes.

Are you sure?

No bit of paper or nothing?

It'll arrive in the post.

Look, I could kiss you.

You know what, as it happens, I think I will! Thanks, doctor.

-Sure you don't mind doing those amendments?

-Yeah, not a problem.

I'm just going to grab some water.

Lauren!

Sounds like you're needed.

So, you looking forward to tonight?

Sorry?

You know.

Lucy, I can't, can I? You can see how I'm fixed.

So, make an excuse.

Lucy, please, don't do that, all right?

There's a...car auction in Norwich.

Stop it, all right. You're acting like a little girl!

Well, I could tell them.

You're going to tell them about a car auction in Norwich?

No, about us.

Blackmail?

Persuasion.

Go on.

What, you think I'm joking?

Fine.

-Just call him, Abi.

-He ought to be calling me.

-I've got something to tell you.

-Yeah?

Thanks for doing those amendments.

It's all right, but what did you want to tell me?

What?

You just said you wanted to tell me something,

so what did you want to tell me?

That was it, thanks for saying you'll do the amendments.

OK.

Well, have fun bowling.

See you later.

Right, let's get this going, shall we? That button there.

BUZZING

THEY LAUGH

So, is it straight home or a celebration lunch?

Oh, you've twisted my arm. Celebration lunch it is then!

-Hey, aren't you forgetting something?

-What?

-You phone Terry and I'll phone your mum.

-He can wait.

-Darling, he'll be worrying. Phone him.

-He'll be fine.

Phone him. He's a good bloke.

He's not Tony, is he?

You can trust him.

Carol, it's me, good news.

You all right, Tel?

We're still here, yeah. Lovely.

Look at your dad.

He's loving having his little playmate back.

Funny how his little playmate didn't come straight home to play though.

-Jake, you met my boy Lee?

-Good to meet you, mate.

Fresh from fighting for Queen and country.

Our very own little war hero, ain't ya?

Do you have to?

-Hey.

-How are you?

-Good.

Tell me who he is and I'll thump him for you.

Yeah, I might take you up on that.

Reading Festival, 2011.

Me and you, kebab queue.

I've never been to Reading.

Shame. We'd have made beautiful music together.

This is my brother Lee.

Nice to meet you.

-Go upstairs will you, and make your grandad a sandwich.

-Mmm.

And check he ain't started any more fires in my living room.

-Yep.

-Nancy!

-Yes.

Oh, don't worry, darling.

We still love you too.

What?

Beware the green-eyed monster.

I'm not jealous of him!

Yes, handsome.

Whit, you heard?

-What?

-Bianca... She's in the clear.

Oh, that's great! Are you back with her now?

-Yeah.

-Even after all she said?

Well, she was wound up about that gene thing. You know what she's like.

Listen, Tel, I just, you know, wanted to say thanks for yesterday.

And you are right, you know, I need to step up.

Starting with Johnny.

Wish me luck?

-Whit?

-Yeah?

You don't need it. You'll be fine.

Thanks.

But Liverpool's miles away.

So you don't want her to go to Uni?

Course I do, if it's what she wants.

So support her. Like me with Lola.

Just don't see why she's got to go so far away.

Bottom line is, do you love her?

What sort of a question's that? Of course I love her.

Then why are you trying to push her away?

You're not leaving already, are you?

I promised Ronnie I'd only be half an hour. Got to get back for Amy.

-I was just going to buy you another drink.

-Well I'll hold you to that, then.

I'll see you ladies later.

Bye.

Personally, I've always fancied the other sister myself.

The other one?

Trust me.

Stay well away.

Hi.

Um...

Look, I've been thinking about what you said,

about being just mates.

And I'm fine with that.

So, I bought you a drink.

Come on, then.

He's over there.

He's waiting for you.

Go on, go and talk to him.

Be nice for a change.

-You all right?

-I am now.

-Champagne?

-Oh, is that the real stuff?

Only the best for you.

Grandad, weren't it proper weird having Lee turn up on your doorstep?

-Bit stingy with the mustard, ain't you?

-End of the jar.

Could've opened another one.

This thing tastes like cardboard!

So did he come straight back from Afghanistan?

What is this? Gardener's Question Time? I want some more mustard!

It's just a bloomin' sandwich!

It tastes disgusting.

Grandad, what is the big secret?

If you're that bothered, why don't you ask him?

So there is a secret?

Mustard.

We ought to be living together.

We tried that, there ain't enough room.

-There is at mine.

-No, there ain't.

We'll get a bigger place, then.

I want to be with you properly.

Go to sleep with you at night, wake up with you in the mornings.

I want to spend my life with you. Grow old together.

I got to think about my kids, Tel.

Yeah, but we got to think about us as well.

The kids ain't going to be with us forever, are they?

Come on, let's look for a place.

It's cold out here. Let's go in the caff.

-We could go to mine if you want?

-The caff's better.

-That was...

-Yeah...

-Maybe we could...

-No.

You don't know what I was going to say.

This was a one-off, Lee. I'm seeing someone else.

So can you please just go?

Just go. It's not going to happen.

Shame.

All right.

I'll see you later.

DOOR CLOSES

It's just my head, you know.

With the gene testing,

my mum being ill.

I'm just all messed up.

Look, you're a good man, Tel,

you're a brilliant man.

You know, the best man I've...

Look, it's my fault.

I'm rushing you.

Talking about moving back in together.

So we'll take our time,

save up a deposit,

find somewhere we like,

Have a place of our own.

No, I'm sorry.

Are you finishing with me?

No, don't be silly.

We were outside just now drinking champagne.

-You came in and said you wanted to be with me.

-I never said that.

-You did.

-I did not.

I came in here to say sorry.

-Just sorry?

-Yes.

So you didn't want to...

-Look, this ain't working, Tel, all right?

-It is for me.

Maybe after Tony... Maybe I'll just never be able to trust anyone.

But the point is, I said some terrible things to you yesterday.

And I came to say sorry and I am sorry. And I'm still sorry.

You're right, it's a difficult time for you. And I know that.

Maybe you need some time, a break, and I'll wait.

One month, two months, take as long as you like.

And when you're ready,

I'll be waiting for you across the road.

No, I don't want you across the road.

All right? It's just too hard for me,

seeing you all the time, and the kids.

It'd be just so much better if you just moved away.

-But I moved here for you.

-No.

Yes, I did, I moved here because you wanted me to.

Look, I moved TJ and Rosie out of their school.

They had to move away from their friends.

And I told them, I said, you know, this is a good move for us. We've got to do this.

And now they're settled here, they like their new school, they like their friends.

Terry, we need some distance between us.

So, why don't you move away then?

-Because this is my home.

-Yeah, and it's our home too.

-Terry, please...

If you think I'm turning my kids' lives upside down again

on the say-so of some... self-centred drama queen...

This is all about you, ain't it?

It's always about you.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I don't know why I did it.

I mean, the whole time I was with him

I was just pretending he was you.

I know it's not right, me and you.

OK, the age thing,

you're Lauren's dad...

But... I need you.

So don't push me away cos I can't manage without you.

I need you, Max.

So was it proper tough in Afghanistan then?

What?

I understand you not coming straight back,

what with everyone asking awkward questions and that.

Nancy!

But what I don't understand is why you went to Grandad's place.

It's not like we even know him, Lee.

-Nancy!

-Coming, Mum!

So why him?

Get off my case, will you?

-You all right?

-I'm fine.

Nancy, I need you down here now!

I said, I'm coming, Mum!

Well do you want to talk about it?

You could talk to Dad about it?

I don't know what's going on with you, Lee,

but whatever it is, I'm sure he'll understand.

I don't need to go to this car auction.

It's fine.

-KNOCKING

-I'll get it.

Jay...

The invitation for bowling. Is it still on?

Definitely.

Great.

-We leave at six.

-Right, so I'll come here then?

-Great.

-Great.

Great.

I'll just tell David I'm busy. Needed here.

-But you ain't needed here.

-What about Oscar?

He's got us. He'll be fine. We'll be fine.

Just go to your auction.

Yeah.

Maybe you should talk to your dad.

Can you see his face?

No.

So you're sure you want to go ahead with tomorrow?

Yeah.

OK. It'll be here in the morning.

Good.

That's good.

It's not too late, Lee. You can still change your mind.

Go back to your unit, keep your nose clean.

-See out the rest of your time.

-No way, Grandad! I've told you.

I can't go back to the army.

Well?

I never did like bald men very much anyway.

Oh, darling.

My mum's going to have the right hump, ain't she?

I think your mum's got other things on her mind.

-Want a cup of tea?

-Yeah.

Go on. Go and sit down. I'll make a brew.

It's my fault.

It's not your fault.

I wish there was something I could do.

Nothing's changed though, has it?

-Mum?

-All we've done is gather some more information.

What information?

What's happened?

I've got the gene...

for breast cancer.

-You've had one date!

-Yeah, but it's one more date than you've been on!

I don't know why you don't just stick a habit on and be done with it!

-Oh, thank you.

-What about the guy in the gym?

The boxer guy with the squishy nose. He likes you.

How many times have I got to tell you? I'm happy being single!

Ronnie!

I just popped in to see Dot before work.

-I've been trying to call you.

-Oh, sorry, I think my phone's broken.

No, it's not. I called you on it this morning.

When are we going for that drink?

-Well, work's a bit hectic at the moment...

-Why don't you pick her up

-at seven?

-And you are?

-This is Roxanne.

-She's my pimp.

-Charlie Cotton.

-Don't be late now.

Come on, let's go!

MUSIC PLAYS ON THE RADIO

-Can we see TJ and Rosie today?

-No. Not today.

-Are you still mad at Terry?

-It's complicated, all right.

-That's code for yes.

-No!

Me and Terry have just decided to have some time apart.

-You dumped him?!

-No, I didn't dump him.

-Like I said, it's complicated, ain't it?

-But he made me laugh.

-And he bought us stuff.

-Well, you'll just have to make do with me!

Go upstairs and get dressed anyway, please! THEY SIGH

I tell you, I can't wait for those kids to get back to school.

-You all right?

-No, I couldn't sleep.

-KNOCK ON THE DOOR

I'll get it!

Sonia's killing herself working at the hospital

AND covering my shifts... You know, I should be looking after her.

Mum, they've only said she's got the gene. She's not ill.

-Who're we talking about then?

-What're you doing here?

-I've come to cover for Mum.

-You've got other things to worry about.

Yes, making sure that YOU are on time for your ultrasound.

Now go on, off you go. Listen B, you can go to work as well.

-Rebecca's here, she can look after the kids for you.

-Son...

Go on, off you go!

-Mum?

-Kids! You going to get these games ready? Rebecca's downstairs.

How about some of this, Lex? Want some? No?

-She's still off her food, you know, Pops.

-Yeah.

-I just found them on the doorstep.

-Ah, Pops! You shouldn't have.

I didn't.

-Aww, from Peter.

-Yeah? What does he say?

-He wants to take me up the Shard.

-He wants to take you up the where!?

The Shard! That big silly building next to London Bridge.

-What does he want to take you there for?

-I don't know, do I?

-I bet they cost him a few bob.

-Yeah.

I ain't even got a vase to put them in.

LEXI LAUGHS

What am I meant to do with that?

-Ah, yeah that'll do.

-All these fancy gestures.

What's the matter with a barbecue bucket from McKlunky's, eh?

-He's fit, Ron!

-He's Dot's grandson!

-Even better!

You get free service washes.

THEY LAUGH What are you up to?

I tell you what Jay's up to,

he's going to move to Liverpool with Abi, aren't you?

-You're not?!

-I'm not moving anywhere.

-Does Abi know this?

SHE GASPS AND SPEAKS IN AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT

No, I can't bear it. Scott and Charlene are on the ropes.

-Oh, no, does Madge know?!

-We're all doomed.

-You know we belong together!

-Who?

-You and I for ever and ever.

-Oh, no. I'm off.

-ROXY GETS A TEXT

-Bye, Jay!

-See you later.

-Who's that?

-Well, it looks we're both on a promise tonight.

-What do you mean?

-It's Aleks.

He wants to know if I'd like to go out for a drink later.

Don't you think you should slow things down a bit?

Hold on a minute, you told me to go for it in the first place!

-I just don't want to see you getting hurt.

-It's called having FUN, Ron!

You want to try it sometime.

Shirl, do you have to do that in here?

-It's a kitchen, Mick.

-He never could handle his booze.

-I'm not hung-over!

You were snoring like a pig last night. I hardly got a wink of sleep.

-Just look at the state of him.

-You can shut up an' all.

-You lot are doing my swede in.

-Lee out of his pit yet?

With any luck, he feels a lot worse than me.

-Then stop trying to match him pint for pint.

-She's right.

-You ain't getting any younger.

-Morning!

-Hello!

How's your head this morning?

Like I've just gone six rounds with George Groves.

You want to get out there with Lee. Blast them cobwebs away.

-Oh, I'll call the ambulance now, shall I?

-He's all right as he is.

You'll be back to help me in the pub later, won't you?

Oi, she asked you a question!

-Course.

-Mummy's little soldier.

-Tuck in.

-I dread to think what state that bar's in downstairs.

We had a couple of pints and a few shots...

-You ain't got nothing to worry about.

-You sure about that?

-THEY LAUGH

-Is that mine?!

-THEY LAUGH

-Hang on! Is that supposed to be me!?

-Lee! Hold up. Lee...

-Mick!

-Lee!

Right. I'm off to work now, love, OK?

-I can play you another one if you like.

-I'm running late as it is.

-Sounded lovely though.

-Really?

-Course it did!

Rebecca, you've got a real gift there.

-Bianca reckons I get it from your side.

-Did she?

She said your trumpet recitals used to have people in tears.

-Yeah, that sounds about right.

-Is everything all right, Mum?

-Why do you ask that?!

-You seem a bit...

-A bit what?

-A bit sad.

Come here.

-You promise me something.

-What's that?

No matter how hard life gets, you'll never take up the drums!

-Cheers, mate. Have a good day. See you later.

-Hey.

-What's that for?

-You know what.

-Be ready at one, yeah?

We don't have to go up all them stairs, do we?

No, I think they've got a lift, babe.

And here, Roxy wants me to do her nails. Every little helps, don't it?

-Yeah. Until you start college.

-So, is it all posh up there then, is it?

-I don't think so.

-Well, can I go like this, or...?

Yeah, you look great.

-You sure?

-Yeah.

Just wear whatever makes you feel comfortable.

-Here she is!

-Why? What?

-Roxy told me about your hot date.

-Did she now?

Yeah, so if you want your nails done, or a pedicure give me

-a call, all right?

-Yeah all right, see you later.

-See ya.

-Ooh!

-Sorry, love!

-Mind out!

Excuse my boy, Ronnie. He's just trying to show his old man up.

-Don't even think about it.

-Why not?

-Firstly, she's a Mitchell.

-Second?

Well out of your league, son.

SHE KNOCKS

-Can I have a word?

-Not now, I'm busy here.

-You need to cool it with Roxy.

-I'm sorry?

The last thing my sister needs is another bloke messing her about.

-So tell her that you can't see her again.

-I will do no such thing.

-One date. That's what we agreed.

-So what? I changed my mind.

-It's a man's prerogative.

-You either tell her or I will.

Ronnie, what's the problem?

-I like her.

-She can do better.

-Better than me?!

-You're a fascinating woman, Ronnie.

-Am I?

I'd love to know what's going on in that beautiful head of yours.

-Tell her today.

-What if I don't?

-You want to watch where you're going, son!

-What's the matter?

-Problem?

-Nah, just some mug that can't walk in a straight line.

-Right, well, I'm done here.

-All right, I'll catch you in a bit.

-Everything all right though, yeah?

-Cushty.

Look at you, eh?! You got it all going on. Your own nail business...

Yeah, well, only till I start college.

-Romantic trips to the Shard.

-Yeah, if we make it there.

-Well, look at me. I can't go like this, can I?

-Why?

-Cos everything I own is second hand or a knock-off.

-Oh, come on!

Peter would love it even if you turned up in a bin liner,

wouldn't he? Although it doesn't hurt, does it,

to make a little bit of an effort every now and then.

Especially when they're as hot as Peter. What?!

I'm not that much older than him!

-All right, I am.

-THEY LAUGH

-Right, come on.

-Roxy, they're not dry.

Yeah, but we've got to find you something to wear, haven't we?

Yeah, but not tarty. Something classy.

-All right. Ronnie's wardrobe?

-Good idea!

You'll never guess where Peter is taking Lola!

-The Shard.

-Yeah.

-It's only a big building, Abs.

But it's really romantic though, ain't it?

Not if you don't like heights, it's not, no.

-Tenner says she'll have dumped him by Friday.

-Who?

-Dora the Explorer over there. What planet are you on today?

-Sorry.

-I didn't get much sleep last night.

-All right, yeah.

Spare me the details.

Chance'd be a fine thing. No, Martin has to get up early, doesn't he?

-For his fruit and veg.

-Typical bloke.

Thinks about his plums first and his women second.

Cup of tea to takeaway, please. Listen, Son. About yesterday...

-It's fine.

-No look, my head has just been so full of Terry!

-It doesn't matter.

-It does. I should've been there for you.

-There's nothing you could've done.

-What's Martin say?

-Not a lot he could say.

-But he's all right though, yeah?

-Brilliant.

-See? That's all that matters, innit?

-Yeah.

-All right? Three bacon sarnies, please.

-Yeah, course.

-You all right?

-Yeah.

-You all right.

-Yeah, I'm just waiting for me tea.

Can I go and show Tiff my new Zayn stickers?

-No, best you don't, sweetheart.

-I don't mind.

-Yeah, well, I do.

-Oh.

I'll be off then, shall I?

Oh, I don't know, Rox.

-It don't really suit me.

-Are you kidding me?

-I would kill to be 17 again.

-Shut up.

-Listen, I mean it.

-Peter's really lucked out with you.

-What?! A single mum with split ends.

-Shut up.

-You look amazing.

-Sorry. Roxy said that it would be OK.

-Yeah. You can take what you like.

-Thanks.

-ROXY GETS A TEXT

-So tell us about this new fella of yours.

-He's not my fella.

-He's a copper, ain't he?

-Phil's going to go mad when he finds out, you know!

-I don't believe this!

-Why, what's happened?

-Aleks. He's gone and dumped me.

-What a scumbag.

He reckons I'm too full-on for him.

-I mean we've only been on one poxy date!

-Maybe it's just as well.

Yeah, Pops does say he's really shady.

Is there something wrong with me? Am I jinxed?

QUIET TALKING IN THE LIVING ROOM

There's no prizing you two apart these days, is there, eh?

Just spending a bit of quality time with my grandson.

-Ahhh! Your mother wants you downstairs.

-Yeah, I'm just going.

I'm watching you, old man.

So, how do I look?