18/12/2011 EastEnders Omnibus


18/12/2011

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Shouldn't leave your door open, Shirl - not round here,

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Anyone can get in, can't they? Help themselves to anything.

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Phil?

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I'd have had a look around, but...

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-Ben? Jay?

-Do you think someone's broken in?

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What if they're still here, Shirl?

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They're going to get their jacksies kicked in. Phil couldn't have shut the door properly.

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Yeah, he's got a lot on his mind at the moment.

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-Yeah.

-All the police and all that lot.

-Yeah.

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Beating up young girls.

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That's not what happened.

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What you looking at?

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Nothing.

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You got something on your mind an' all?

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-You've got real charm about you today.

-Just leave it, will ya.

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-Yeah, I do that a lot. And look where that gets us.

-Meaning?

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Carry on like this, you're going to be Public Enemy Number One.

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I'm bricking it, aren't I(!)

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-OK. Maybe you just don't care.

-What, about a bunch of losers?

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You got four businesses on this Square. You need those losers.

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I'm supposed to go round on bended knee apologising to everyone?

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No. Just smile.

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At our Christmas party, tonight.

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What Christmas party? I said what Christmas party?

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Pops? Nan got you that, didn't she?

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Yeah.

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Still, won't need it where you're going.

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What is the going rate for handling stolen goods these days?

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I wasn't handling them. I mean, not in that way.

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I mean, I know it had my prints on.

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So why can't you just tell 'em who's really in the frame?

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Because you don't do that, Lola.

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But Pops, this isn't fair.

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No, I know it ain't.

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And a book of second class stamps, please. Six.

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Oh, no, make it twelve. Make it first class.

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So what, you writing to Santa?

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Just a few cards, you know.

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Well, there's no Christmas wish list for me this year.

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This Christmas everything is coming my way.

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You heard Rose said, it's written in the stars.

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My Mr Right is just about to walk through that door.

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Here Hev, you missed a good night, Friday. Rose did a Tarot reading.

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Yeah. One of us is going to find true love.

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And you reckon it's you, do you?

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No. I reckon Jean.

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No, I don't think so.

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Well, nothing like that ever happens to me.

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Well, better keep my eyes peeled.

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See if I can see any knights on white chargers.

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-I'm so sorry.

-Oh. I'm so sorry.

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Let me help you.

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I'm sorry. So sorry.

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There you go.

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-'Scuse me.

-Yes?

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-You left this.

-Thanks.

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That's a stupid idea.

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I'm going to invite Jack and his brother. Maybe you can invite Ian.

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All right, get Ben to ask Ian.

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Then there's Denise, Patrick. Who else you upset?

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No, don't answer, silly question, let's just invite everyone

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in the phone book shall we, that should just about cover it.

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What else does this bloke know, eh?

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-I've done a lot things.

-Just trust me.

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-This could be the end of me. The end of us.

-It won't.

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All that with Lola.

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That's one of the reasons I'm doing this.

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You don't still think...?

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She just smelt trouble and chanced her arm.

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She don't know anything. Whoever's behind this, it ain't her.

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This what came earlier?

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Found it on the floor.

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"Hope you get everything you deserve.

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"Happy Christmas."

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It will be.

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Once I bury whoever sent this.

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-You sure about this?

-Yeah. It's Christmas, innit. It's traditional.

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-Packing the house with tat?

-Cora, this ain't tat, babe. It's fun.

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What is fun? What time is it?

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All right, Tan. I was just going to come and get you.

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CHRISTMAS JINGLE PLAYS >

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One of the market boys had it all rigged up on his stall.

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-All singing all dancing, he is. Check this out.

-Oh, Max!

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Go on, son!

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SANTA SHORT CIRCUITS

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-I didn't say nothing.

-Yeah, too right.

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-I've been banged up all night.

-It weren't me that left your prints on the gear.

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-You're the one that messed up.

-I could go down for this.

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-Might do you some good.

-What?

-Teach you some manners.

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Right, for once in my life I don't roll over when you say so and you don't like it?

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-You ain't going to swing for this.

-No, neither are you.

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-They'd throw the book at me, wouldn't they?

-Yeah, me an' all.

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And I'm about to have a great-grandkid to look after.

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You know the score.

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Lola can't look after herself and a baby, she needs me.

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And no, I didn't expect you to hold your hands up for it.

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But I didn't expect you to leave me roasting neither!

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Hang on a second. Hang on. I didn't quite catch that.

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I'm just saying, it's just not like you, that's all.

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-It's nothing I can't handle. Or are you saying something different?

-No. No.

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Good. Now shut the door on your way out, cos there's a draught in here.

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I don't think she was talking about me though. Do you?

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I mean, that kind of thing, true romance.

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It doesn't happen twice, not to people like me, anyway.

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Course it does.

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-It's him.

-Who?

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The bloke I was telling you about. The one I bumped into when I dropped my shopping.

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-Should book the church then. I'll buy myself a new hat(!)

-He's coming over.

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-'Scuse me.

-That's what you said before.

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In the Minute Mart.

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When I dropped the stamps.

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You said excuse me.

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I was wondering if you served food?

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Not for another hour yet.

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I could probably rustle something up though.

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If it's no trouble.

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Thank you.

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-Bit short notice, ain't it?

-You doing something else?

-What, apart from avoiding my new lodger?

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-Shouldn't be a problem then?

-What's this in aid of?

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Why's it have to be in aid of anything? It's Christmas.

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Jingle bells, goodwill to all men an' all that.

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And a way of saying sorry about the flat.

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You don't seem to want to accept our hospitality. What's bothering you?

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What, apart from you making it sound more like an execution than a knees-up, you mean? No, ta.

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Ben.

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What was that all about?

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Don't know and don't care. Phil Mitchell playing mine host.

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That's like North Korea throwing a party for the South.

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Let's not be too hasty.

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-Close?

-Yeah.

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As in shut up shop. Right now.

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-What do you think Dad'll say?

-I'm doing this for your dad.

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I'll need your help an' all.

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No, I'm going to go R&R.

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-I thought you were turning over a new leaf?

-Well...

-You can start now.

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Can't he even put up a bit of tinsel?

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It does me good, keeps me occupied.

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You need to rest.

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Will you stop fussing?

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I'm serious. You're going to need all your strength...

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For heaven's sake!

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Take it easy, will you?

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Actually I've got a surprise for you.

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Cora, give me a hand with this will you, please?

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-What with?

-Well, if I tell ya, it won't be a surprise, will it?

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Thank you.

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Jean, I reckon he's following you.

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-Stop it.

-He's met you in the Minute Mart and he's asked round.

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You're getting me all in a tizz.

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He ain't following her.

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Why not?

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Well look at him, he's seriously hot.

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-And Jean ain't?

-Course I'm not.

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Jean!

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I can be warm sometimes.

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-Warm?

-I reckon you're just jealous.

-What?

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Yeah, just cos it's not written in the stars for you to meet someone like that.

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Hey look, I don't need nothing written in no stars.

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If I want a fella, I go and get the fella.

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I did see him first.

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OK. You try. And then I'll show you how it's done.

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It's all going to kick off at six, I need you to help me do the grub.

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Well, open a few bags of crisps anyway.

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What's the matter, Hev? You away with the fairies?

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You can bring George.

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Or maybe you don't want to.

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Maybe you don't want to be there at all, is that right?

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I didn't say that.

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Is this because of Phil?

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Oh, come on Hev, you're my mate. my best mate.

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-I know.

-If you're thinking this, what's the rest of the Square going to think?

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So this is all about making people like him again, is it?

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I've got to get him back, Hev.

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Back to what he was before all this happened.

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You don't know him,

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not really. I know he comes across as a 'ard nut and most of the time he is

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but someone's playing him and it's messing with his head.

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The old Phil, he would never go near a kid like Lola, let alone...

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Anyway, that's my problem.

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Which makes it my problem too. Course I'll be there.

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Not sure the rest of the Square'll be too keen though.

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I've thought of that.

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Yeah, I told him what I thought. I reckon he got the message.

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Oh yeah, really guilty conscience. Tormented he was.

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You know he's throwing a party tonight, right?

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Shirley was just over the caff inviting everyone.

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-You what?

-Yeah, it's nice that, innit?

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While you're banged up in some stinking rotten cell, he's over there getting into party mode.

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How was it?

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Really good. All your own work?

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With these fair hands.

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-Very professional.

-Oh, you'd be surprised what I can turn them to.

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I do a sausage surprise to die for. Not here, at home.

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You do catering at home?

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Oh no, only for family. And friends. Good friends.

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I like friends.

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Especially the good friends. Not the bad ones, which is silly really,

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because the bad friends wouldn't be friends at all, would they?

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I'll just take...

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-So, did he ask you out?

-No.

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Right then.

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My turn.

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-You want us to close?

-Yeah. Only for one night.

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-Hev, go and get some booze.

-What do I say to Phil when he comes for his rent?

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I'll sort him out. And tell your punters if they want to get hammered to come to ours later.

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We're having a party.

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I see. So the only way to get anyone round your place is to close this.

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You got rid of her then?

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Gave her a score, told her to go and get a drink.

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Then she took a tenner more.

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Babe, I only wanted a bit of peace and quiet to sort this Santa out.

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Mmm, stop her going on about my treatment.

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-It's just her way.

-She's doing everyone's head in.

-You know what she's like.

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Something's on her mind, she goes on and on about it, don't she?

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Fuses, from the Minute Mart, might do the trick, mightn't they?

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You're the opposite. Something's on your mind you don't say a word.

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-It's you, isn't it?

-What?

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-It's you?

-Who?

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-The ex-footballer?

-What footballer?

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The good-looking one.

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I tell you what, he falls for that, give up on him anyway.

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-Shut up, I'm writing it down.

-I really wasn't a footballer.

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Yeah, and you're not from the Good Food Guide neither?

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Actually, I rather enjoyed it.

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You can do a lot better than that around here.

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I dunno, maybe I should do my bit for the local economy and, um, show you.

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The chef here seems quite good. I take it she is the chef, the lady who just served me?

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Chef?

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Queen of the Microwave more like.

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So like I was saying...

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So, she's not the chef, she's just helping out?

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Jean's her name, yeah?

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Only I'm sure I heard the landlady calling her that earlier on.

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Get your coat. I reckon you've pulled.

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No she ain't, not tonight. Not in here anyway. Listen up. We're closing up.

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-What?

-Terrific(!)

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I get chucked out of Tanya's, and now I'm turfed out the boozer.

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-Why?

-You've all been invited to a party across the road.

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At Phil and Shirley's.

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-The Mitchell's doing something for Christmas. About time.

-And that means all of you.

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I still don't see the point in all this.

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Hopefully you will.

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When everyone starts singing, For He's A Jolly Good Fellow?

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You're losing it.

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-Who's doing all this aggro, Phil?

-I don't know.

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It's got to be someone on the Square, and they're watching you.

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Most of them are coming here tonight, what better way of finding out?

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That's even more stupid than me trying to win a popularity contest.

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We sit. We watch. And we listen.

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And maybe whoever's doing this won't be able to resist planting or nicking something.

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Yeah, and maybe whoever it is doesn't bother turning up at all.

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Great(!) Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse.

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-Oh, shut up and sort the drinks out.

-I've been to funerals that are more fun than this.

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Yeah, well, if you carry on,

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you'll be going to one sooner than you think.

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I told you they wouldn't be able to resist, didn't I?

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Lo?

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-You going out?

-Let's see how much he enjoys his party once I get there.

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-I've had my say about all of that.

-Yeah, and he's totally ignored you.

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So now it's time for me to have my say.

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You've just come out of hospital, you're in no fit state to go spoiling for a row.

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-We just let him get away with it, yeah?

-No. Just wait a minute. Lo. Just wait, wait.

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Just sit down with me, eh? For five minutes, please?

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Thank you.

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-Now, you can help me decorate our tree.

-We ain't got a tree.

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-If that's a present from Phil, you can give me the hammer.

-No. No.

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It's from Father Christmas, innit.

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Well, one of his little helpers anyway.

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You mean a knock-off.

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They were only going to chuck them out.

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Come on, Lo.

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Christmas is coming up.

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I just thought this'd make the place look a bit nicer, you know.

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I know it ain't exactly going to be a dream Christmas.

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No it won't. Not with all this going on.

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Right, let's make the most of it, yeah?

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-Go on, pass me some tinsel.

-Yeah?

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Do you think your mum's right?

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Do you think we should just take him back.

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I dunno, he's growing on me.

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He's ugly though, ain't he?

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-Once you look at him.

-Yeah, so are you.

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I bet all these bulbs are well past their sell-by.

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There's bits of you don't work so good, you're lucky no-one's trying to take you back.

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Blimey, look who's talking.

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It's all right. You can do it you know.

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Take the mick.

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Yeah, I know. Cheers.

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They say, don't they. This sort of thing's harder on the relatives.

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Well, I ain't a relative. I'm your husband.

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-Not any more.

-Well, I told you when I came back, I am.

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I am in here anyway. You're still my wife.

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For richer or poorer.

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Sickness and in health.

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That's what we said, innit? Remember?

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You don't think, do you, at the time?

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You make all those promises, don't expect to have to call them in.

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Yeah, I've broken a few of those promises. I know I have.

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But I ain't going to break this one,

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I'm here and I ain't walking out on ya.

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I'm scared.

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Tan, I know.

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Are you?

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You can say it In fact, I think I'd prefer it.

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Then I wouldn't feel like the only one who was being weak and pathetic.

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Yeah, I'm scared too.

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I can't believe I let you drag me along to this.

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Free booze. We've got to show him he doesn't frighten us.

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Whatever game he's playing, we've got to rise above it.

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Yeah. And free booze.

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-All right?

-Yeah.

0:20:270:20:28

Nice, ain't it.

0:20:300:20:31

-Yeah, that's one word for it.

-I can think of a few others.

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-Such as?

-Interesting.

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-Unexpected.

-Bit of a surprise.

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That's what I thought when I had the Old Bill knocking at my door.

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-Way I heard it they were kicking the door in.

-You get a lot of inside information?

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You trying to say something to me?

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Just making conversation. Scotch Egg? Sausage roll?

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Oh, don't mind if I do.

0:20:510:20:54

Go on, it won't choke you.

0:20:540:20:57

Thanks.

0:21:010:21:02

-Go and talk to him.

-What do I say?

0:21:020:21:04

You ain't got to say nothing.

0:21:040:21:06

It's obvious he's interested, he'll be doing all the running.

0:21:060:21:10

Oh, it's all right for you. you've got a bloke.

0:21:110:21:14

-And he worships the ground that you walk on.

-Come on, you dozy mare.

0:21:140:21:18

-Kat.

-All right? Enjoy the grub?

0:21:180:21:22

-Yeah, it was very nice.

-Going to compliment the chef?

0:21:220:21:25

So you are the actual chef then?

0:21:250:21:26

You know what they say, the way to a man's heart and all that.

0:21:260:21:31

I don't believe this, talk about a pair of shrinking violets.

0:21:310:21:36

-Do you fancy her?

-Kat!

-What?

0:21:360:21:38

It's obvious you do, so why don't you ask her out before she runs away and you completely run out of nerve.

0:21:380:21:44

I'm so, so sorry about this. I don't believe you sometimes.

0:21:440:21:47

-I think you've got the wrong end of the stick.

-Excuse me,

0:21:470:21:51

when it comes to this sort of thing, I'm a Mastermind on it.

0:21:510:21:54

I'm really not, um...

0:21:540:21:56

-Not, um, what?

-Interested. Well, not like that.

0:21:560:21:58

-Why all them questions then?

-Mo!

-Are you messing her about?

0:21:580:22:03

-No.

-Well, you was asking motormouth there about her.

0:22:030:22:06

I'm a....

0:22:060:22:08

What?

0:22:080:22:09

A timewaster?

0:22:090:22:11

A benefits fraud officer.

0:22:110:22:13

Benefits fraud?

0:22:160:22:19

And you've been working while claiming benefit.

0:22:190:22:21

-I have not.

-Excuse me, I saw you with my own eyes.

0:22:210:22:24

And your employer's just confirmed it.

0:22:240:22:26

I can't stand a scrounger.

0:22:260:22:29

Scrounger?

0:22:300:22:32

But I haven't been making any claim.

0:22:340:22:37

See, told you I'd get him working.

0:22:440:22:47

Can we do a deal?

0:22:500:22:52

I'll be honest with you, I want you to be honest with me.

0:22:550:22:58

I knew it, you do hate Santa.

0:22:590:23:02

Do you ever think this could be it?

0:23:100:23:13

-Our last Christmas together?

-Tan, please...

0:23:130:23:17

Yeah.

0:23:220:23:25

Yeah, I do.

0:23:250:23:26

Do you want out?

0:23:290:23:30

Cos it's OK, I meant what I said when you came back,

0:23:320:23:35

I'm not lumbering you with an invalid.

0:23:350:23:39

What if it was me who was ill?

0:23:390:23:41

Same question. Would you want out?

0:23:430:23:45

I don't know.

0:23:480:23:50

I don't know if I could...

0:23:520:23:57

No.

0:24:000:24:01

That's my answer too.

0:24:050:24:08

I'm starting to enjoy this.

0:24:200:24:22

I reckon I've sussed what this is all about.

0:24:220:24:25

-Really? Good. Let's go home then.

-I'm right behind you.

0:24:250:24:27

This is some kind of St Valentine's Day Massacre.

0:24:270:24:30

-Get everyone you've ever had a ruck with under one roof.

-And machine gun 'em?

0:24:300:24:34

No. Well, one of us anyway.

0:24:340:24:37

The guilty party.

0:24:380:24:40

-The one with something to hide.

-What?

-Phil's been getting hate mail and he don't know who's been sending it.

0:24:400:24:45

Chuck a stone. You'll hit about fifty suspects.

0:24:450:24:48

So that's what this is all about? Try and smoke one out?

0:24:480:24:51

Yeah. It's like one of them Agatha Christie novels, ain't it?

0:24:510:24:55

Actually, I was thinking of someone else.

0:24:550:24:59

I can't believe you've done this to me.

0:24:590:25:00

I wasn't ripping you off. Not really.

0:25:000:25:04

I was just using your name.

0:25:040:25:06

We'll tell that to the judge! Don't bang her up, just put her name on the cell door!

0:25:060:25:10

-No-one's getting banged up.

-Did you see the look on that snout's face?

0:25:100:25:13

I wouldn't trust him.

0:25:130:25:15

You was pushing Jean into his arms five minutes ago.

0:25:150:25:18

Now look what you've done. Jean!

0:25:180:25:22

Right, let's cut to the chase.

0:25:240:25:27

I'm not apologising for it, Phil.

0:25:270:25:30

You've given enough people grief in the past and loved every minute of it.

0:25:300:25:34

So, seeing you get wound up, it's like all my Christmases have come at once.

0:25:340:25:38

But what happened with Lola, that's not right. She's just a kid.

0:25:380:25:43

So it's me who's been sending you all those letters. I'm the one who's responsible.

0:25:430:25:47

Nah, no, hold up. This has got nothing to do with him.

0:25:470:25:50

It was me.

0:25:500:25:51

No. No, Jack. Falling on your sword for your brother. Very noble,

0:25:510:25:55

but I'd never forgive myself. Phil, I'm Spartacus.

0:25:550:25:59

No, no, no, no, come on, I'm Spartacus.

0:25:590:26:02

No, Phil, don't listen to them. I'm Spartacus.

0:26:020:26:04

You're hysterical.

0:26:040:26:05

I saw a programme about him once.

0:26:080:26:10

He got crucified didn't he?

0:26:100:26:12

Look, they'll just get Nan to pay it back on the drip that's all.

0:26:180:26:22

It's my name on the benefits book.

0:26:220:26:24

She will not let you take the rap.

0:26:240:26:27

Then again this is Nan we're talking about, she might,

0:26:270:26:31

but we won't let her.

0:26:310:26:32

-Everyone thinks I'm a cheat.

-No, they don't.

-You heard Cora.

0:26:320:26:36

I'll explain it to them.

0:26:360:26:39

How can I carry on living here, Kat?

0:26:390:26:42

When everyone's going to think that of me?

0:26:420:26:44

Right, come on Jean. Come on.

0:26:440:26:46

-How?

-Get that down you.

0:26:480:26:49

Well I'm relieved. Well, wouldn't you be?

0:26:510:26:55

I thought it was going to be a straight fight back there, me and Jean.

0:26:550:27:00

Is that it?

0:27:000:27:02

What?

0:27:020:27:04

Jean has just been totally humiliated

0:27:040:27:06

in front of her whole family. and her neighbours on the Square.

0:27:060:27:09

She's just found out she's going to be prosecuted for benefit fraud

0:27:090:27:14

and all you can say is, I'm relieved?

0:27:140:27:18

-Well, I am.

-You are so shallow sometimes.

0:27:180:27:20

Look, I ain't shallow, yeah. I've got depths, yeah.

0:27:200:27:24

Deep depths. Moby Dick couldn't get to the bottom of my depths.

0:27:240:27:27

He wouldn't want to!

0:27:270:27:28

Ah, somebody's sent me a present. Come to Mama.

0:27:280:27:33

-There's plenty of grub left.

-Yeah, course there is. Everyone's gone home, ain't they.

0:27:400:27:45

It was a nice idea, Shirl.

0:27:450:27:46

No, it wasn't, it was a bad one. A very bad one.

0:27:460:27:50

HEATHER CHOKING >

0:27:500:27:53

Shirl!

0:27:530:27:56

Phil. Phil, get Hev's inhaler out of her bag.

0:27:560:27:58

What a day I'm having.

0:27:580:28:00

Worst party ever, now my best mate's choking on a scotch egg!

0:28:000:28:03

Get it up.

0:28:050:28:07

What are "repossession proceedings"?

0:28:300:28:32

You shouldn't read other people's letters.

0:28:320:28:35

It means if Nanna Pat don't pay the loan company by Friday,

0:28:350:28:38

we're out on the streets.

0:28:380:28:40

-Liam!

-It's true, though, innit, Nan?

0:28:400:28:42

-I should've throttled her.

-That would've been one for the scrapbook.

0:28:460:28:49

Dunno why I let you stop me.

0:28:490:28:50

Because throttling guests, as a rule, doesn't make a party go with a swing.

0:28:500:28:54

-They say, "Look for someone with a motive." She definitely had a motive.

-Phil!

0:28:540:28:58

-What?

-All the people you've hacked off over the years, everybody had a motive.

0:28:580:29:01

But they didn't have these in their handbag.

0:29:010:29:04

Let me do this one more time...

0:29:040:29:07

Heather is a bear with a very little brain.

0:29:070:29:10

She was put on this earth to suffer.

0:29:100:29:12

She doesn't do revenge, she moans.

0:29:120:29:14

The idea that she'd have the nous to go to a printer's

0:29:140:29:17

and get all these fancy letters and labels,

0:29:170:29:19

when she could be at home sucking on a cheese sandwich,

0:29:190:29:22

watching Britain's Next Top Model, is ludicrous.

0:29:220:29:24

So according to you, there's some criminal mastermind

0:29:240:29:27

going round deliberately planting all this evidence - to do what, hmm? Make me paranoid?

0:29:270:29:31

Well, someone's definitely playing you. So far, they're doing a good job.

0:29:310:29:35

-Should've let me have a quiet word with her.

-Two minutes ago, you wanted to throttle her.

0:29:350:29:39

-Then we wouldn't be having this conversation.

-Last night you agreed she was set up -

0:29:390:29:43

what's changed since now and then?

0:29:430:29:45

-It's doing my head in - that's what's changed!

-Let me go and speak to her.

0:29:450:29:49

-She won't tell the truth!

-She might give us a clue to who's behind it.

0:29:490:29:52

Well, why didn't we do that last night, eh?

0:29:520:29:55

Because the chances are, whoever's doing this

0:29:550:29:58

was here last night and that's exactly what they wanted.

0:29:580:30:01

Just take a deep breath. Think of your blood pressure.

0:30:080:30:11

Phil, don't do anything. Let me go talk to Heather.

0:30:200:30:24

I'll sort it out.

0:30:240:30:26

The car?

0:30:330:30:34

A certain young lady was sick on my back seat last night.

0:30:340:30:38

Talking about you, young lady.

0:30:380:30:40

Yeah! It stinks in there, so if you could work your magic, Heather,

0:30:400:30:44

that'd be much appreciated.

0:30:440:30:46

-Yeah, all right, yeah.

-Cheers.

0:30:460:30:48

Bye, Amy.

0:30:480:30:49

Come on. This ain't the deal, is it?

0:30:500:30:52

Eh?

0:30:520:30:54

Ain't going to get any toast if you don't eat any of this.

0:30:550:30:58

No? For Daddy? Should Daddy do it? Yeah?

0:31:000:31:04

Then you do it, yeah?

0:31:050:31:06

-Is that Heather?

-Ah!

0:31:330:31:35

Sorry. You all right?

0:31:370:31:39

Andrew! What you doing here?

0:31:400:31:43

-Don't worry - you're safe. I've just popped to see me mum. She in?

-Er...

0:31:430:31:47

That's never your car, is it?

0:31:470:31:49

Oh. No, no, It's the bloke I clean for.

0:31:490:31:54

His daughter was sick in it last night.

0:31:540:31:57

Lovely.

0:31:570:31:59

I'll let you get on.

0:32:020:32:03

Ahh!

0:32:140:32:16

-Hold tight. Your mum showed me a picture of you.

-Who are you?

0:32:160:32:19

-Fat Boy.

-What'd you say?

0:32:190:32:21

-Me Fat Boy, you Andrew, right?

-Is she in or what?

0:32:210:32:24

She's in, but she's on her way out. Those presents for me, then, yeah?

0:32:240:32:28

All right, cool. Well, Mrs B's in the living room so if you want to go through, that's cool.

0:32:290:32:34

I might see you la... Maybe not, OK.

0:32:340:32:37

Ah! Yo, Hev!

0:32:370:32:39

You are looking too good, too early, girl! Loving your work!

0:32:390:32:43

FAT BOY CHUCKLES

0:32:430:32:45

Wha'?! Check you, Little Miss Fabulous!

0:32:490:32:53

You are looking good, girl, looking...good.

0:32:530:32:56

Heather!

0:33:030:33:04

Ow!

0:33:040:33:05

Can I have a quiet word?

0:33:080:33:10

-DOT:

-'It's lovely to see you, but why didn't you telephone,'

0:33:100:33:13

let us know you was coming? Rose and me, we're off to Oxford Street to look at the lights.

0:33:130:33:17

-Rose!

-She's upstairs, then?

0:33:170:33:19

Yeah, I'll get her for you. Rose!

0:33:190:33:21

You'll never guess who's here...

0:33:210:33:24

SHIRLEY: If you know anything, Hev, it's best to get it out now. >

0:33:300:33:33

Cos you really don't want to have this conversation with Phil.

0:33:330:33:36

I haven't got a clue what you're talking about, Shirl! >

0:33:360:33:40

If you know anything, it's better to tell me now than later.

0:33:400:33:43

-I'm not admitting to nothing, cos I ain't done nothing.

-Who put them there - the envelope fairy?

0:33:430:33:47

-They were found in your bag!

-Is there a problem?

0:33:470:33:50

Well, well, well, look who it is - Humpty Dumpty.

0:33:500:33:53

-What you doing here?

-Do you really need to use that tone of voice?

0:33:530:33:57

-Andrew, leave it, please.

-No, good manners cost nothing.

0:33:570:34:00

YOU talk to me about manners?

0:34:000:34:03

-Hev?

-It's fine.

0:34:030:34:05

You should be grateful it's me talking to you, and not Phil.

0:34:050:34:08

-What was all that about?

-HEATHER SIGHS

0:34:130:34:16

-Andrew!

-We'll talk later, yeah?

0:34:160:34:19

She's got it wrong. I ain't done nothing.

0:34:190:34:21

I'm sure you ain't.

0:34:210:34:23

But I do need to talk to you about other stuff, as well.

0:34:230:34:26

Andrew...

0:34:260:34:28

Thank you.

0:34:290:34:31

What was she on about?

0:34:390:34:41

-Nothing, honestly. I'm fine.

-She mentioned Phil. Did he put her up to it?

0:34:410:34:46

No, just a misunderstanding, that's all. Please, Mr Branning.

0:34:460:34:50

-If they carry on hassling you, you let me know, yeah?

-Yeah.

0:34:500:34:53

-Where's Amy?

-Finishing off her breakfast.

0:34:540:34:56

Hold on! You left a three-year-old on her own with that thug?

0:34:560:35:00

You want to talk about thugs? Go and have a word with your cousin.

0:35:000:35:04

I've got plans.

0:35:060:35:08

Well, change 'em. Come to Oxford Street with us.

0:35:080:35:10

-That'd be all right, wouldn't it, Dot?

-Of course it would.

0:35:100:35:13

-I can be here when you get back.

-You used to love the lights when you were little.

0:35:130:35:17

Remember when I used to take you? Tell him, Dot.

0:35:170:35:20

-Tell he's gotta come.

-Be nice for your mother if you came, Andrew.

0:35:200:35:24

There's things I need to do and... people I need to see.

0:35:240:35:28

-Perhaps we could go and see the lights another day.

-It's up to you, Rose.

0:35:280:35:32

Sorry. Sorry, Ma. As I told you before, I'm busy, all right?

0:35:330:35:38

You ARE staying for Christmas?

0:35:380:35:40

I was just dropping 'em off.

0:35:400:35:42

Well, you needn't have bothered.

0:35:420:35:44

I'll let you have my keys.

0:35:470:35:49

So as you can...pop in and out.

0:35:490:35:52

It would be nice for your mother

0:35:520:35:54

if you could bring yourself to be here when she gets back.

0:35:540:35:58

-Thanks, Aunty Dot.

-See you?

0:35:580:36:00

Here we go, then, Rose.

0:36:020:36:04

Carol! Kids! Come here a minute.

0:36:080:36:11

-Why? What is it?

-Not till the kids get here. Come on, kids, hurry up!

0:36:130:36:17

Come on!

0:36:170:36:18

Sit down, sit down.

0:36:200:36:22

I just switched me phone on. And I've got a message. Listen to this.

0:36:220:36:26

RICKY: 'Hello, Pat, it's me.

0:36:260:36:28

'Change of plan. I'm on my way to the airport.

0:36:280:36:31

'Bit of luck, I'll be with you some time tomorrow.

0:36:310:36:34

'I'll tell you everything then. Love to everyone. I'll see ya then.'

0:36:340:36:38

Tomorrow? When was the message?

0:36:380:36:40

Oh. Just after 11 last night.

0:36:400:36:44

-Does this mean we're not going to lose the house?

-Yes, darling,

0:36:440:36:47

that is exactly what it means.

0:36:470:36:49

THEY CHEER

0:36:490:36:51

-She's been set up.

-And who's the most likely person to have done that, eh?

0:37:010:37:05

-Exactly.

-No, you just want to stir it because of Amy.

0:37:050:37:08

Listen, you didn't see Jack. You didn't see his face.

0:37:080:37:11

When you were out there having a go at Heather, he was on his doorstep, lapping it up.

0:37:110:37:16

-I should've stuck to me instincts.

-So what you going to do about it?

0:37:160:37:19

Mandy?

0:37:330:37:35

Ricky!

0:37:350:37:37

SHE GIGGLES

0:37:380:37:40

So, you going to get us another one, then?

0:37:400:37:43

I'm trying to save money.

0:37:430:37:45

-LAUREN YAWNS

-What's that for?

0:37:450:37:48

Saving money is for losers.

0:37:480:37:51

Lauren, my family is in big trouble at the moment, OK?

0:37:510:37:54

Yeah, trouble? You don't know the meaning of the word.

0:37:540:37:58

What's that mean?

0:37:580:38:00

Just forget it, yeah?

0:38:010:38:03

Actually, I'm not sure this is a good idea.

0:38:060:38:09

What's the problem?

0:38:090:38:11

-Can we go somewhere else?

-Yeah.

0:38:110:38:13

I mean, it stinks of air freshener but it's better than... Well...

0:38:180:38:21

Nah, it's good as new that, Hev. Here, go on - take that on top.

0:38:210:38:25

Oh. No, honestly, Mr Branning...

0:38:250:38:26

-It's a nasty job. Go on, take it.

-Oh. Thanks very much.

0:38:260:38:30

-Leave that stuff. I'll take it in.

-Oh!

0:38:300:38:33

-Thanks, Mr Branning. See ya.

-Hev...

0:38:330:38:36

..what was all that with Shirley?

0:38:370:38:39

I dunno. You know, I ain't done nothing.

0:38:390:38:42

Heather?

0:38:480:38:49

Oh. Hello again.

0:38:490:38:51

I was thinking about having a spot of lunch over the pub. We could, er, have that chat

0:38:510:38:56

and you could tell me what all that agg' was about.

0:38:560:38:58

I would, but, er, I've got other jobs to do

0:38:580:39:01

and I've got to take my little boy to the doctor's.

0:39:010:39:04

He was up half the night coughing.

0:39:040:39:06

Look, I know I upset you back in Southend...

0:39:060:39:09

I-it doesn't matter.

0:39:090:39:11

It does matter.

0:39:110:39:12

Cos I've thought about you an awful lot these last few months.

0:39:120:39:15

Been going over the things that I said and done.

0:39:150:39:18

Honestly, Andrew. It's...

0:39:180:39:20

Look...

0:39:200:39:21

I need to convince you, that is not the real Andrew.

0:39:210:39:24

It's all right, really.

0:39:240:39:26

Maybe we could, er...

0:39:260:39:29

We could see each other... some other time.

0:39:290:39:32

Yeah. Maybe.

0:39:320:39:34

-How's she going these days?

-Sorry? What?

0:39:430:39:46

-The motor. Behaving herself?

-What's that got to do with you?

-Just professional interest.

0:39:460:39:50

Yeah, well, the car's fine.

0:39:500:39:52

-I got something through the post this morning.

-Give it a rest, Phil.

0:39:520:39:55

N-O spells no.

0:40:010:40:04

The difference is, I've got a record - you ain't.

0:40:040:40:07

There are these things called ethics, Mo, though

0:40:070:40:09

I appreciate it's a term you're not familiar with.

0:40:090:40:12

If they do YOU, it's a caution at most.

0:40:120:40:15

Me? I could be looking at 18 months.

0:40:150:40:17

Which will give you plenty of time to consider your crimes and repent.

0:40:170:40:21

Alfie, speak to her?

0:40:210:40:22

Look, I know what people are saying about me out there, thanks to you.

0:40:220:40:26

Mo, I gotta respect Jean's principles, all right?

0:40:260:40:29

-You're talking about principles? What about the microwaves?

-Oi, gobby! D'you want to keep it down?!

0:40:290:40:34

Oi! Whoa, whoa! Can I smell garlic?

0:40:350:40:38

-You most certainly can!

-What's happened to the sausage surprise everyone's come to know and love?

0:40:380:40:43

It's a different recipe. Today's special is Surprise de Saucisse!

0:40:430:40:49

It's French. D'you want a taste?

0:40:500:40:53

Yeah, yeah, why not? Yeah, I'll have a little...

0:40:530:40:56

Have a little from the sides.

0:40:560:40:58

Mm!

0:41:030:41:04

-Bit garlicky, isn't it?

-You don't like it, do you? Say if you don't.

0:41:060:41:09

No! I love it! Punters are going to love it. Really nice. Smashing, that.

0:41:090:41:13

Alfie!

0:41:150:41:16

Will you tell Minnie Mouse here to stop being such a self-righteous

0:41:180:41:22

-you-know-what and do the decent thing?

-Woah, calm down, all right?

0:41:220:41:25

Listen to me, Alfie has a plan.

0:41:250:41:28

The words "benefit" and "fraud" are banned.

0:41:280:41:30

(We'll go softly-softly, yeah? Let her come to you, all right.)

0:41:300:41:33

(OK? Go on, calm down.)

0:41:330:41:36

Push Jean too hard, she's going to dig her heels in.

0:41:400:41:43

You got to make it sound like it's come from her - like it's her decision.

0:41:430:41:46

-Can't we send 'em both to prison?

-Yeah, OK.

0:41:480:41:50

Nan for benefit fraud and Jean for food poisoning. What d'you reckon?

0:41:500:41:54

-I think we're done here, Alf.

-Oi, hold on. Where you going? Come on, moolah!

0:41:560:42:00

Lovely.

0:42:030:42:04

Ha-hey! Mwah!

0:42:040:42:08

It's a grey, 5 Series, registration...

0:42:110:42:15

..717 JBR.

0:42:170:42:19

Well, I wouldn't be asking you if it was easy, would I?

0:42:200:42:23

Anyway, you owe me one.

0:42:230:42:25

Blimey.

0:42:270:42:28

He loves me. Apparently.

0:42:290:42:32

I don't get it.

0:42:320:42:34

Well, no-one really gets it. Not even sure I get it myself.

0:42:340:42:38

But it kind of works.

0:42:380:42:40

So you happy?

0:42:400:42:42

Here, you ever bump into any of the old gang? Like Aiden?

0:42:430:42:46

-Or Sam or that?

-I asked you if you was happy.

0:42:460:42:48

I want to talk about you.

0:42:480:42:51

So where is it you been again?

0:42:510:42:53

Oh, Dubai.

0:42:530:42:55

-Dubai.

-Yeah.

-Wherever that is.

0:42:550:42:58

So, who was it you didn't want to see in the cafe, then?

0:42:580:43:02

There?

0:43:050:43:06

Up a bit. Up a bit more.

0:43:080:43:10

Up a bit. Bit more!

0:43:100:43:13

THE KIDS LAUGH

0:43:130:43:15

Oi, Tiffany!

0:43:150:43:16

Right, I've been doing some sums.

0:43:160:43:19

Now, assuming that Ricky's bonus is what he thought it was going to be,

0:43:190:43:23

we're going to have enough to keep the loan company off our backs

0:43:230:43:26

and still have something for a half-decent Christmas.

0:43:260:43:29

I think that calls for a celebration, don't you?

0:43:290:43:32

-Carol, do us a favour, love?

-Yep?

0:43:320:43:34

Nip over to the shop and get a bottle of fizz for us

0:43:340:43:37

and pop for the kids.

0:43:370:43:40

I'll give Whitney a call as well, shall I?

0:43:400:43:42

-Yeah! We want everybody here! Don't we?

-Wahey!

0:43:420:43:46

Who's the thug?

0:43:510:43:53

Dot Branning's nephew. Need I say more?

0:43:530:43:56

It's like sausage surprise, but with a twist.

0:43:560:43:59

-Yeah, the twist in your stomach after you've eaten it.

-Ha! Funny(!)

0:43:590:44:03

-MOBILE RINGS

-It's Carol. What's she want?

0:44:030:44:05

She'll just be after you for something. Turn it off.

0:44:050:44:10

You ordering or what?

0:44:120:44:14

Yeah. Babe, I ain't got enough money.

0:44:140:44:16

It's no problem.

0:44:160:44:18

What?

0:44:200:44:21

Just leave it to me, yeah?

0:44:210:44:23

We'll have two of them Sausage Surprises.

0:44:230:44:25

That's 8.60, darling.

0:44:250:44:27

-OK. Give us two seconds, yeah?

-Yeah.

0:44:270:44:31

There you go. All right?

0:44:310:44:32

Fats.

0:44:360:44:37

-Hey, babe, all right?

-Yeah, you?

0:44:370:44:39

Yeah, come here. Listen, I'm not stopping. I'm looking for Jack. Have you seen him?

0:44:390:44:43

What do you want with Jack?

0:44:430:44:44

Listen, I can't say. But I got to go.

0:44:440:44:46

-See you in a minute.

-Fats?

-Yes, babe?

0:44:460:44:48

Where's my birthday present?

0:44:490:44:52

It's been nearly a week now.

0:44:520:44:53

Listen, I know. I know, I know, I know,

0:44:530:44:56

and I promise it's going to be worth the wait. OK?

0:44:560:45:00

One thing...

0:45:000:45:01

Yes, mate, all right, easy...

0:45:010:45:03

-Heather.

-What about her?

0:45:030:45:05

I know she's got a little boy.

0:45:050:45:07

Has the father shown his face lately?

0:45:070:45:09

Nah, mate. He left ages ago.

0:45:090:45:10

Is there any other boyfriend?

0:45:100:45:12

Listen, go for it, all right, bruv?

0:45:130:45:17

There you go.

0:45:170:45:19

Thank you! Mwah!

0:45:190:45:21

She's just made a right monkey of you there.

0:45:230:45:26

Oi, oi. See Whitney checking you out?

0:45:260:45:29

She had her chance.

0:45:310:45:33

-This is all right. Should've tried some.

-It stinks, I can smell the garlic from here.

0:45:380:45:42

I forgot - garlic and crucifixes don't go down too well with you lot, do they?

0:45:420:45:46

Why are you so cheerful all of a sudden?

0:45:460:45:50

-Alfie?

-Yeah.

-My compliments to the chef.

0:45:500:45:53

Hey, you hear that? Phil likes the grub.

0:45:530:45:55

No-one's going to want to kiss me for a week

0:45:550:45:58

I'm going to go and tell Jean.

0:45:580:45:59

Is this something to do with Heather?

0:45:590:46:02

Nothing to do with Heather.

0:46:020:46:03

So what is it then? Cos you're definitely up to something.

0:46:030:46:07

Excuse me for butting in.

0:46:070:46:09

Do I know you?

0:46:090:46:11

No, but I know your girlfriend.

0:46:110:46:13

And her manners leave a lot to be desired.

0:46:130:46:16

Put her on a leash, yeah?

0:46:160:46:18

-Phil Mitchell said that?

-Yeah! Don't believe me, go and ask him yourself.

0:46:220:46:26

Alfie, talk to her, will you? Nothing I say gets through.

0:46:270:46:31

Mo, listen - for the very last time, OK? Alfie has a plan.

0:46:310:46:35

Softly-softly, all right?

0:46:350:46:37

And there's herbs in it, too.

0:46:400:46:43

-Can you taste the herbs?

-Whatever it is, it's nice.

0:46:430:46:46

You like it, then?

0:46:460:46:48

Yes, Jean, I like it.

0:46:480:46:51

It's not too garlicky?

0:46:510:46:52

I need all the garlic I can get right now.

0:46:520:46:56

CAN you taste the herbs?

0:46:570:46:58

I've just said, didn't I?

0:46:580:47:01

You don't really like it, do you?

0:47:010:47:02

For God's sake. Here we go...

0:47:020:47:04

-Here you are...

-Oh, no, no! I wasn't fishing!

0:47:040:47:07

Hasn't she had enough free hand-outs?

0:47:070:47:10

Thanks, Shirley(!) Yeah, thanks a bunch(!)

0:47:130:47:16

-Right, who's going to get the next round in, then?

-Lauren...

0:47:190:47:22

I think it's Tyler's turn. Two spritzers, please, Tyler.

0:47:220:47:25

I've had enough, so...

0:47:250:47:27

All right. In that case, I'll just have a large V&T.

0:47:270:47:30

Get your own V&T. Mine's a pint while you're at it.

0:47:300:47:33

-Sorry?

-I can see what you're trying to do.

0:47:330:47:35

OK, in that case, Anthony...

0:47:350:47:38

Stay there, Anthony.

0:47:380:47:40

She can get her own drink and she can get two for us while she's at it.

0:47:400:47:44

Well, well. Congratulations.

0:47:440:47:46

What?

0:47:460:47:48

I said to myself, "Whoever says no first wins first prize."

0:47:480:47:52

And you win.

0:47:540:47:55

Win what?

0:47:550:47:57

-"Alfie's got a plan", eh?

-Softly-softly, yeah.

0:48:070:48:10

Well, softly-softly's getting us nowhere-nowhere. Leave it to me.

0:48:100:48:14

-Whoa! What are you going to do?

-Just go, yeah?

0:48:140:48:17

-Jean...

-Whatever you're about to say won't make the slightest difference.

0:48:270:48:31

I've made my position perfectly clear...

0:48:310:48:34

-MOBILE CHIMES

-Who's that?!

0:48:340:48:36

No-one ever texts me!

0:48:360:48:38

It's from Stacey! Stacey's sent me a text!

0:48:430:48:47

Shh! Keep your voice down.

0:48:470:48:48

What's she saying?

0:48:480:48:50

That she loves me.

0:48:520:48:53

Oh, isn't that lovely of her?

0:48:550:48:57

Oh!

0:48:570:48:59

What should I text back?

0:48:590:49:00

That you love her, too.

0:49:000:49:02

And that Nan's going to spend Christmas in prison...

0:49:040:49:07

Listen, Jean, you know that we've all got previous,

0:49:090:49:12

so we can't take the rap for this.

0:49:120:49:15

And believe me, we would if we could.

0:49:150:49:17

The worst that can happen to you is a slap on the wrist

0:49:170:49:21

and to pay all the money back.

0:49:210:49:23

Stacey would be really, really proud of you.

0:49:250:49:28

'You are joking me?'

0:49:300:49:31

No. I can't even go back - I'm on a list.

0:49:310:49:35

Oh, sorry, but I think it's hysterical.

0:49:360:49:39

Thing is, everyone's counting on me.

0:49:390:49:42

-Like who?

-Pat, the family, everybody.

0:49:420:49:46

Thing was, I was due this massive end-of-contract bonus,

0:49:460:49:49

but now that's all gone.

0:49:490:49:51

I even had to pay me own air fare back. I'm brassic.

0:49:510:49:54

Ooh. What's Bianca going to say?

0:49:560:49:58

Like I ain't thought about that?

0:49:580:50:00

What am I going to tell the kids when they find there's not even money for Christmas presents?

0:50:000:50:05

Tell you what, might've been easier if they'd locked me up

0:50:050:50:08

and thrown away the key. Least I wouldn't have to face them.

0:50:080:50:11

Oh, no! I'm pleased to see you at the very least.

0:50:110:50:14

DOOR OPENS

0:50:140:50:16

Here, I've been shopping.

0:50:160:50:18

Got you an early Christmas present.

0:50:180:50:21

Ricky?

0:50:240:50:26

Mandy'll explain.

0:50:260:50:27

-I better go and face the music.

-All right.

0:50:290:50:31

Have fun.

0:50:310:50:33

-See ya.

-Ta.

0:50:330:50:35

Nice(!)

0:50:380:50:39

DOOR SLAMS

0:50:390:50:41

KEY RATTLES IN DOOR

0:50:460:50:48

Anybody in?

0:50:480:50:49

-In here.

-Oh, you did stay after all.

0:50:490:50:53

Yeah, stupid to come all this way and not spend time with my mum.

0:50:530:50:56

You're only saying that cos you feel guilty.

0:50:560:50:59

How was Oxford Street?

0:50:590:51:00

Oh, all adverts. Nothing to do with Christmas at all.

0:51:000:51:03

Hark at old Ebenezer.

0:51:030:51:05

Jesus was born in a stable, Rose, not a toy shop.

0:51:050:51:08

Let's not fight, please. Come on. We're family. And it's Christmas.

0:51:080:51:12

Oh, as if you care.

0:51:120:51:14

Actually, I've changed my mind. I'm going to stick around for a while.

0:51:140:51:18

If that's all right with you.

0:51:180:51:20

So what's brought this on?

0:51:200:51:22

I love me Mum and I want to be with her

0:51:220:51:25

and my new Auntie Dot at Christmas.

0:51:250:51:27

I mean, what's wrong with that?

0:51:270:51:30

Oh, Andrew!

0:51:300:51:32

Happy Christmas, Mum.

0:51:330:51:36

It's Dad! Everyone! Dad's here!

0:51:360:51:38

Quick, quick in the kitchen.

0:51:380:51:40

Dad's home.

0:51:410:51:43

MUSIC: "Welcome Home" by Peters And Lee

0:51:430:51:45

-Quick! Quick!

-Sorry.

-Quick!

0:51:480:51:50

-You got the fizz?

-Yeah. Where's Whit?

0:51:530:51:55

-I've left messages on her answer phone. She's not answering.

-Oh well.

0:51:550:51:58

Shhh, shhh, shhh.

0:51:580:52:01

-TOOT!

-Shh!

-Hey! He's coming.

0:52:010:52:04

Hello?

0:52:040:52:05

# Welcome home

0:52:100:52:14

# Welcome

0:52:160:52:18

# Come on in... #

0:52:200:52:22

THEY CHEER

0:52:240:52:28

Shush, shush, shush, shush!

0:52:330:52:35

What is it, Ricky?

0:52:350:52:37

We are going to lose the house, aren't we?

0:52:400:52:42

-Jack! Where you been, man?

-My car's gone.

0:52:510:52:54

I know, I've been looking for you. I tried to tell you.

0:52:540:52:57

-Some geezer came along and towed it away.

-What geezer?

0:52:570:52:59

-I don't know. Couldn't see him.

-Could it have been Phil?

-Why?

0:52:590:53:02

-Answer my question. Could it have been Phil?

-Doubt it. He's in the pub.

0:53:020:53:06

Oh, is he now?

0:53:080:53:10

Oi. Oi... Oi, you pair, d'you want a bucket a water over you?

0:53:260:53:31

What's the matter? Calm down, will you? Or get a room, please!

0:53:310:53:36

-Want to go back to my place?

-Yeah. Why not?

0:53:360:53:39

Lauren... Lauren?

0:53:390:53:43

One second...

0:53:430:53:44

What?

0:53:450:53:47

How much have you had, babe?

0:53:470:53:49

Why? You jealous?

0:53:490:53:51

You can't do this.

0:53:510:53:52

My mum's got cancer. I can do what I want.

0:53:530:53:56

What you done with it?

0:54:090:54:11

-Done with what?

-My motor.

0:54:110:54:13

I've only been gone an hour and now it's gone. Someone's nicked it.

0:54:130:54:16

I think that someone's you.

0:54:160:54:17

-Well, I've been here all lunchtime. Shirl'll tell you.

-It's true.

0:54:170:54:21

It's him or one of his monkeys.

0:54:210:54:23

-Alfie...

-Hmm?

-How long have I been here?

0:54:230:54:25

I dunno. What, about, 12-ish?

0:54:250:54:28

Where's my apology?

0:54:300:54:31

I'm calling the police.

0:54:330:54:35

I'm waiting.

0:54:350:54:36

This ain't over.

0:54:370:54:39

-Alfie.

-Hm?

-Come here.

0:54:410:54:43

Yeah, I'll be with you in a sec. Hold on, darling.

0:54:430:54:46

Right, so you know what you're going to say, yeah?

0:54:460:54:49

Why can't I say I'm doing it for Stacey?

0:54:490:54:51

Because it'll make him happy. Please?

0:54:510:54:54

What?

0:54:580:54:59

In the spirit of Christmas, Alfie,

0:55:010:55:03

I have decided to sacrifice my integrity

0:55:030:55:07

for the sake of this family and...

0:55:070:55:10

hand myself in.

0:55:100:55:12

Come here.

0:55:150:55:17

I love you, Jean.

0:55:190:55:21

No, not tomorrow, today.

0:55:260:55:29

You just tell 'em it's ex-detective inspector Branning calling, yeah?

0:55:290:55:33

-Jack!

-What?

0:55:330:55:35

-You're not going to like this, man.

-Why?

0:55:350:55:37

Let me show you, all right? Come, come.

0:55:370:55:39

PHIL CHUCKLES

0:55:440:55:47

What's so funny? What've you done?

0:55:470:55:50

So I was sitting at my desk, yeah?

0:55:530:55:55

And then I heard this big, massive crash.

0:55:550:55:57

So then I came out to have a look and then there it was.

0:55:570:56:00

And then I saw some big truck driving off as well.

0:56:020:56:04

Did you get a number plate?

0:56:070:56:08

No, no. Couldn't see it, it was all muddy and that. Like it was deliberate.

0:56:080:56:13

I'm going to kill him.

0:56:130:56:15

Kill who? Jack...

0:56:150:56:16

What, do you think you're funny?

0:56:200:56:22

Now, you stay away from me, and you stay away from my family.

0:56:220:56:25

Cos next time it won't just be the car that goes in the crusher.

0:56:250:56:29

Do you understand?

0:56:290:56:31

Yeah, of course I understand.

0:56:340:56:36

You think I'd have asked if I wasn't desperate?

0:56:360:56:40

Well, you keep your hands off them young barmen, Peggy.

0:56:420:56:46

Sorry love, I got to go, bye.

0:56:460:56:48

Just phoning Peggy to get her secret Victoria sponge recipe.

0:56:510:56:55

You're baking a cake?

0:56:550:56:57

I can't sit here twiddling me thumbs, can I?

0:56:570:57:00

I've tried everyone, Pat.

0:57:000:57:03

I've really screwed up, ain't I?

0:57:030:57:05

You went to the middle of the desert to provide for your family.

0:57:070:57:10

The last thing you are is a failure.

0:57:100:57:13

There's people there that have paid off mortgages, student loans.

0:57:130:57:17

I've come back worse off!

0:57:170:57:19

I'd better go and tell Bianca.

0:57:220:57:24

Um, thing is - she doesn't...

0:57:240:57:27

She doesn't know about us losing this place.

0:57:270:57:30

I thought we could sort it out before she had to.

0:57:300:57:32

Come tomorrow, she may be the only one with a roof over her head.

0:57:340:57:37

That ain't going to happen. All right? I'm going to get a job.

0:57:370:57:40

I promise.

0:57:400:57:42

All right.

0:58:030:58:05

Can't wait to see Amy later,

0:58:050:58:07

even if I am going to have a social worker breathing down my neck.

0:58:070:58:11

But I got her those dinosaur things she likes for lunch.

0:58:110:58:15

In a bit?

0:58:170:58:19

All right, Jack?

0:58:220:58:24

Whoa! Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack.

0:58:250:58:29

-And let him get away with it?

-What did I teach you?

0:58:290:58:31

Take your time and do it properly. Eh?

0:58:310:58:35

He ain't going nowhere.

0:58:350:58:37

I really, really, really want to zig-a-zig-ah.

0:58:440:58:52

Do you know, I am the same age as Baby Spice?

0:58:520:58:56

You know what? She was always my favourite.

0:58:560:58:58

They don't call her Baby Spice now, though, do they?

0:59:000:59:03

I always preferred Sporty myself.

0:59:030:59:06

All right, Jane?

0:59:060:59:08

We're going to take Bobby to the dentist. If you want to come along?

0:59:080:59:11

No, no, you go. Mum, dad, dentist.

0:59:110:59:15

That's like a normal family, ain't it?

0:59:150:59:18

No, no, no, you come along,

0:59:180:59:19

and then we'll come back for some "continental breakfast", yeah?

0:59:190:59:23

Well, I'm going out.

0:59:230:59:26

I'll come with you.

0:59:260:59:28

I don't know where I'm going yet, hun.

0:59:280:59:31

-Anyway, I better go sort this out, eh?

-Sure.

0:59:320:59:35

-Nice to see you, Jane.

-Yeah.

0:59:350:59:38

I'm sure these breakfasts are getting smaller.

0:59:500:59:53

They'll probably blame it on the recession.

0:59:530:59:55

Skinny sausages and shrunk bacon.

0:59:550:59:58

I'm having another one.

1:00:011:00:02

Before they start serving it in a thimble. Can I get you one, Billy?

1:00:021:00:06

No, I better not.

1:00:061:00:08

Oh, I see.

1:00:081:00:10

I thought Phil Mitchell was your cousin, not your dad.

1:00:101:00:12

But if he's told you to...

1:00:121:00:14

Hey, hey, wait...

1:00:141:00:16

Phil don't tell me what to do.

1:00:161:00:17

Go on, I'll have another one. Cheers.

1:00:191:00:21

Phil!

1:00:251:00:27

My brother thinks I should let it go, you playing demolition man.

1:00:291:00:33

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

1:00:331:00:34

I had a word with a few of my old workmates an' all.

1:00:341:00:37

We agreed, there's no point, cos there's no evidence.

1:00:371:00:39

-Least you learnt something from the job.

-They're always on the other end of the phone.

1:00:391:00:43

Know what us police are like, once you're in, you're never out.

1:00:431:00:46

Not even when they're as bent as you?

1:00:461:00:48

It's weird, the lengths they'll go to to protect their own.

1:00:481:00:51

You're still claiming it weren't you that set up them raids, eh?

1:00:511:00:54

Sounding paranoid there, Phil. See someone about that.

1:00:541:00:56

You'll never beat me. No-one will.

1:00:561:00:59

You really hate it when you can't control things, don't you?

1:00:591:01:03

How was I supposed to know he'd got PE?

1:01:111:01:13

And typical Ian, I'm the one that gets sent back to pick up the kit.

1:01:131:01:17

Er, there we go.

1:01:171:01:20

Shorts and a T-shirt.

1:01:201:01:22

He really likes you, y'know.

1:01:241:01:25

-Said you taught him the words to an N-Dubz song.

-Ian?

1:01:251:01:29

Bobby!

1:01:291:01:30

Oh, yeah.

1:01:301:01:32

Y'know, we're in the same boat, you and me.

1:01:341:01:38

New relationships with men with, erm...

1:01:391:01:41

Bad hair?

1:01:411:01:43

Baggage. Ex-wives, stepkids, some other woman's wallpaper.

1:01:451:01:51

Just don't see me as an obstacle.

1:01:521:01:54

I think it took me getting with Mas to realise that,

1:01:541:01:57

for the last few years...

1:01:571:01:59

me and Ian never made each other truly happy. But you do.

1:01:591:02:03

And that's an amazing thing!

1:02:031:02:05

I try.

1:02:061:02:07

You're already part of the family.

1:02:071:02:09

I'm Beale past, and you're Beale future.

1:02:101:02:14

Bless.

1:02:141:02:16

Right, well you'd better get Bobcat his trainers

1:02:181:02:20

before they make him play hockey barefoot.

1:02:201:02:23

Ricky!

1:02:371:02:39

DOOR OPENS

1:02:391:02:41

Hi. Come in, come in.

1:02:411:02:44

Oh, you're early. Social worker's not even here yet.

1:02:461:02:49

-Where's Amy?

-It's cancelled.

1:02:511:02:54

I told the social worker I'm sick.

1:02:541:02:56

Amy's with a mate from playgroup.

1:02:561:02:57

So you lied to them and now I don't get to see my little girl?

1:02:571:03:00

And I'm supposed to just deal with that, am I?

1:03:001:03:03

-Why are you doing this to me?

-She's better off not seeing you, ain't she?

1:03:031:03:07

I'm her mother, OK. That is disgusting!

1:03:071:03:09

Yeah? And Phil Mitchell is your cousin.

1:03:091:03:11

Yeah? When he replaces my car, then you can see Amy.

1:03:111:03:15

Jack!

1:03:151:03:16

Oi, hold on a minute.

1:03:161:03:18

Jack, you can't punish Amy for something Phil's done!

1:03:181:03:21

You tell him my daughter's one more thing he can't control.

1:03:211:03:25

Two teas, please, Marie.

1:03:281:03:30

So what's this amazing birthday present Whit's waited so long for?

1:03:301:03:34

Oh, bruvver, there's been so much hype, man, I can't crash and burn.

1:03:341:03:37

-It's got to be special.

-Like you. You're very special.

1:03:371:03:40

Ha ha(!) Nah nah, it's got to be unique. It's got to be...

1:03:401:03:43

Mind-blowing?

1:03:431:03:44

Right. Check this out.

1:03:441:03:46

Huh? Huh-huh-huh?

1:03:461:03:48

What? Plan B, yeah?

1:03:501:03:52

Yeah. Just don't go too extra, bruv.

1:03:521:03:54

SHE SIGHS

1:04:101:04:12

Told you I had an husband.

1:04:241:04:27

How was Dubai then?

1:04:271:04:29

Been working ain't you? In Dubai?

1:04:291:04:31

Look at your tan!

1:04:311:04:33

Check out his tan. Look! Looks like Peter Andre!

1:04:331:04:37

If I wasn't in this goldfish bowl,

1:04:371:04:40

I'd jump over there and give you a right old snog!

1:04:401:04:42

-Bianca...

-What?!

1:04:421:04:44

You are my husband. You look well fit.

1:04:441:04:48

She works in the salon, except she's useless.

1:04:491:04:53

I mean, would you really let someone with a barnet like that loose on yours?

1:04:531:04:57

Hope you ain't been perving over them belly-dancing girls, have you?

1:04:571:05:01

So have you seen the kids?

1:05:011:05:04

Listen, I've got something to tell you...

1:05:041:05:06

about Dubai.

1:05:061:05:09

I got arrested.

1:05:091:05:10

No! You, arrested?! For what?!

1:05:101:05:14

I went to a public beach when it was closed.

1:05:141:05:17

And they nicked you for that?!

1:05:171:05:18

-They'd have to build another four floors on this place.

-And...indecency.

-Eh?

1:05:181:05:23

Indecency.

1:05:231:05:25

What, like flashing? Your bits?

1:05:261:05:29

-In Dubai?!

-I went swimming.

1:05:291:05:32

What, did you wee in the water?

1:05:321:05:34

I was naked, all right?

1:05:341:05:36

Skinny dipping? You, who won't take your jeans off on the beach?!

1:05:361:05:40

-That's not all...

-Life in the old dog yet, eh, Ricky?!

1:05:401:05:43

-You wasn't with another girl? You said, "That's not all..."

-I got sacked...

1:05:431:05:47

then fined, and then deported.

1:05:471:05:49

They took all the cash I'd saved. I just managed to get enough for the air fare home.

1:05:491:05:54

It's all gone.

1:05:541:05:56

Can no-one have a private conversation in here?

1:05:581:06:01

It's not just that.

1:06:011:06:03

The bailiffs are coming tomorrow,

1:06:031:06:06

they're probably going to kick Pat out the house.

1:06:061:06:08

She got in a right mess over these loans, she was relying on the Dubai cash to help her out a bit.

1:06:081:06:14

Five months my kids have been without a dad. And for what?!

1:06:151:06:19

-You're useless! You're a big, useless...

-Do you know how long they've been without a mum?

1:06:191:06:23

Do you know what damage you've caused them kids?

1:06:231:06:26

I love my kids! It was being a good mum that's landed me in here.

1:06:261:06:30

No, it's being a hot-headed nutter that's got you in here!

1:06:301:06:34

I just hope they get over it.

1:06:341:06:36

Them kids you love are about to lose their house,

1:06:361:06:39

while you're banging on about barnets and Peter Andre.

1:06:391:06:42

I never knew.

1:06:421:06:44

Because you don't listen!

1:06:441:06:46

You're stubborn.

1:06:461:06:48

Your temper, your mouth.

1:06:481:06:50

You're selfish.

1:06:501:06:52

-Ricky!

-That's why I went to Dubai in the first place,

1:06:521:06:55

because you screwed up.

1:06:551:06:56

-You just do what you want, just like you always do.

-And why's that?

1:06:561:07:00

Cos it's like being married to a dishcloth sometimes!

1:07:001:07:03

"What shall we get Morgan for his birthday? When's dinner?"

1:07:031:07:06

Who's going to deal with the scumbag that slept with my mum and kid, eh?!

1:07:061:07:10

I'm loud, stubborn and angry cos I've had to be!

1:07:101:07:13

This girl in Dubai...

1:07:171:07:20

the one I went swimming with...

1:07:201:07:22

-But you just said...

-No, nothing happened. But, y'know, it could've.

1:07:221:07:25

And you know how that made me feel?

1:07:251:07:28

Just like the old Ricky Butcher.

1:07:281:07:30

Before housing benefits, before chicken nuggets,

1:07:301:07:34

before prison waiting rooms.

1:07:341:07:36

Before me?

1:07:361:07:38

When do you ever tell me you love me?

1:07:381:07:40

-All the time!

-Only when your back's up against the wall.

1:07:401:07:43

Do you think normal people walk about saying, "I adore you," all the time?

1:07:431:07:47

Me and Sam did.

1:07:471:07:48

SHE GASPS

1:07:481:07:50

Are you trying to hurt me, Ricky?

1:07:501:07:51

I ain't saying I blame you for this mess we've got in. It's both of us.

1:07:511:07:55

I don't know what to do.

1:07:581:08:00

Or if it's worth trying.

1:08:001:08:02

I hate you, do you know that?

1:08:061:08:08

I hate you! Get him out of here! And do you know what?

1:08:081:08:13

The old Ricky Butcher is just as much of a muppet as the new one!

1:08:131:08:16

Get him out!

1:08:161:08:18

And I want a divorce!

1:08:181:08:19

What's your favourite?

1:08:251:08:28

Now that I keep somewhere special.

1:08:281:08:32

There.

1:08:371:08:39

Wow.

1:08:391:08:41

Is it from Granddad Frank?

1:08:411:08:42

Dad misses him as well, don't he?

1:08:441:08:48

Yeah, I expect he does.

1:08:481:08:50

Do you think he would've come to my concert if he weren't dead?

1:08:511:08:55

Oh, I think he'd have clapped louder than anybody else,

1:08:551:09:00

and then he'd have cried like a baby.

1:09:001:09:02

SHE LAUGHS

1:09:021:09:03

He sounds crazy.

1:09:031:09:05

He was!

1:09:051:09:07

Well, he'd have to be to buy me these.

1:09:071:09:09

Look!

1:09:091:09:11

Nine pence off a bucket and spade stall in Clacton.

1:09:141:09:19

Blimey. You only have to look at a bit of old costume jewellery,

1:09:201:09:23

and you go back 50-odd years, live the moment all over again.

1:09:231:09:29

Do me a favour, do you think you can fix this?

1:09:351:09:38

I've tried to wash it, and I've spilt red wine on it.

1:09:381:09:41

It's one of Amy's favourites.

1:09:411:09:43

Hev?

1:09:431:09:45

Oh.

1:09:451:09:46

PHONE RINGS

1:09:501:09:53

-Oh, you come to do your washing?

-No.

1:09:531:09:56

Hey, I was just thinking about you.

1:09:561:09:58

-You're not going to believe what Jack's doing.

-Course not.

1:09:581:10:01

You're going back to Southend, so why would you want to do your washing?

1:10:011:10:05

You've come to say goodbye, then?

1:10:061:10:08

You seem quite keen to get me back there.

1:10:081:10:10

It's where you live, innit?

1:10:101:10:12

Well, I never thought I'd have potato dinosaurs in my shopping basket.

1:10:341:10:38

Morgan bites bits out and pretends he's discovered a new species.

1:10:381:10:43

Wow. Kids are amazing, aren't they?

1:10:431:10:46

You being sarcastic?

1:10:461:10:47

I'd stick to the blackcurrant if I were you.

1:10:471:10:50

You don't want Bobby going to school with a hangover, do you?

1:10:501:10:53

Or is it a romantic night in with you, Ian and that naughty nightie?

1:10:531:10:57

Oh, is that why they sent you back from Dubai?

1:10:571:10:59

Crimes to comedy?

1:10:591:11:01

So...why did you come back then?

1:11:011:11:04

After all that time?

1:11:041:11:06

-You look exactly the same.

-So do you.

1:11:081:11:11

Well, if I kinda close one eye, squint a bit,

1:11:111:11:14

and imagine a greasy ponytail.

1:11:141:11:16

So, what you doing now?

1:11:161:11:18

I am catching up with an old friend.

1:11:181:11:22

Me?

1:11:221:11:23

Yes, you!

1:11:231:11:25

Andrew!

1:11:271:11:28

I was, er, just getting my tools out the van.

1:11:281:11:32

I didn't want you to go back to Southend without...

1:11:321:11:35

Oh!

1:11:351:11:36

HE EXHALES

1:11:431:11:45

I, erm...

1:11:451:11:47

wouldn't want to leave expensive tools in the back of the van,

1:11:471:11:51

not if it's going to be parked up for a while.

1:11:511:11:54

Parked up?

1:11:541:11:55

I'm staying around.

1:11:551:11:57

Oh, wow.

1:11:571:11:59

I must be a really good kisser.

1:11:591:12:02

Actually, I'd already decided.

1:12:021:12:04

But...no complaints from this corner.

1:12:041:12:07

-You OK?

-Yeah.

1:12:131:12:15

I felt 'em!

1:12:151:12:17

Butterflies!

1:12:181:12:21

HE BURPS

1:12:211:12:23

Nice(!)

1:12:231:12:25

You can take the boy out of Walford, eh...?

1:12:251:12:27

But he'll keep coming back.

1:12:281:12:31

So, why Ian Beale then?

1:12:311:12:33

Why are you with Bianca?

1:12:331:12:35

What about when you have to, y'know?

1:12:351:12:38

-I mean, do you...

-Ricky!

1:12:381:12:40

Some people need more than sex to have a good relationship.

1:12:401:12:44

What, you?! Yeah, right!

1:12:441:12:46

I'm surprised I got out alive last time.

1:12:461:12:48

That was years ago.

1:12:491:12:51

Can we talk about something else please?

1:12:511:12:54

Yeah.

1:12:541:12:55

But you didn't answer my question about Ian Beale.

1:12:551:12:58

OK, well, I like knowing if it's going to end,

1:12:581:13:02

it's going to be me that ends it.

1:13:021:13:04

I've never had that before.

1:13:041:13:06

You was always the one who started stuff.

1:13:061:13:08

Do you remember when you talked me into getting off my face,

1:13:081:13:11

then you just sat there and laughed at me for ages at the state I was in?

1:13:111:13:15

I never forced you!

1:13:151:13:17

Listen, you were always the one who started it.

1:13:171:13:20

Wait there! Don't drink no more.

1:13:241:13:26

I've got plans for you, Butcher.

1:13:271:13:30

Come on, take 'em off.

1:13:361:13:38

Oh. But I like listening to all your stories about your jewels.

1:13:381:13:42

Well, that's all they are, stories.

1:13:421:13:45

This is just a...load of old tin.

1:13:451:13:48

Hardly fill the fridge with what this lot's worth.

1:13:481:13:52

Thought you said they were special?

1:13:521:13:54

Tiffany, promise me something... don't get soft when you get old.

1:13:551:14:00

You're not old! You still wear lipstick and get drunk.

1:14:001:14:04

SHE LAUGHS

1:14:051:14:07

-Tiffany Butcher! You...!

-What?

1:14:081:14:12

Listen, how do you fancy going to Clacton tomorrow? All the family?

1:14:161:14:21

-And get the day off school?

-Get out of this place and make some new memories!

1:14:211:14:25

Yes!

1:14:251:14:26

Lauren, just ring me back or text me, even.

1:14:281:14:32

And just let me know you're OK.

1:14:321:14:34

Please, cos I'm getting really worried now.

1:14:341:14:37

Hey, just the lady!

1:14:381:14:41

All right, that'll do. Great, lovely jubbly.

1:14:411:14:44

Right, come on, you, come on, got to get up. Come with me.

1:14:441:14:47

-Put the phone away.

-What?!

-Put the phone away.

1:14:471:14:49

Right, now, close your eyes.

1:14:491:14:51

Right, let's do this!

1:14:511:14:53

OK, all right. Watch out. There's a little tree to your right there.

1:14:541:14:58

Yeah, that's it. Watch it, all right!

1:14:581:15:00

All right, all right, little curb, little curb, little curb.

1:15:001:15:03

All right, and turn. And ready...

1:15:031:15:05

One, two three...ta-da!

1:15:051:15:07

What is it?

1:15:071:15:09

Wh...?! You know, bonnet, engine, zim-zimmer, baby!

1:15:091:15:12

I've got the keys to your zimmer, all right? It's a car!

1:15:121:15:15

It's a car, from me to you, for your birthday! It's a car!

1:15:151:15:20

See? Don't let no-one say your man doesn't treat you like a queen, right, sweetheart?

1:15:211:15:25

-Fats, you know I don't drive.

-I'll teach you, OK?

1:15:271:15:31

We'll go down to Brighton or something, tunes blaring...

1:15:311:15:35

Oh, and yeah, Mikey done that off the stall.

1:15:351:15:39

-You big softy.

-What can I say bruv? Whit, she's my girl.

1:15:401:15:45

-She's my lady. She's mine, all mine.

-No, I ain't your girl!

1:15:451:15:48

What?!

1:15:481:15:50

Did I miss something here?

1:15:511:15:54

I've got some news. Can I come in?

1:16:001:16:01

-No, I don't want to hear it.

-Trust me, you do.

1:16:011:16:04

I'm not in the mood, all right? Just tell me here.

1:16:041:16:07

OK. I just spoke to Ronnie and she's filed for divorce.

1:16:091:16:14

That's my punishment for cancelling Amy's contact?

1:16:191:16:22

-Come on, as if she'd do that.

-You lying about it, I meant.

1:16:221:16:25

I'm sorry but you'll get your solicitor's letter tomorrow.

1:16:251:16:28

Now, can I come in, please?

1:16:281:16:30

All right. So, what did she say? Exactly. Roxy!

1:16:311:16:35

Jack, I know what'll take your mind off this divorce. What if we...?

1:16:351:16:40

You and me, we could go and get Amy

1:16:401:16:43

and take her to see Santa, yeah? Or just feed the ducks.

1:16:431:16:45

You know she loves that.

1:16:451:16:47

Jack. I do know how you're feeling and I can help you,

1:16:471:16:52

there's no need for all this...

1:16:521:16:54

Just go. Just go, will you?

1:16:541:16:57

-You all right?

-I was just about to go.

1:17:091:17:12

Yeah, yeah. Course you were!

1:17:121:17:14

Very nice, by the way.

1:17:141:17:16

Come on.

1:17:161:17:17

Look, I know Bianca does my nut in but...

1:17:191:17:22

Oh, no, no. Ricky, relax.

1:17:221:17:24

It's not your body I'm after, it's your youth.

1:17:241:17:28

Are you mad?

1:17:281:17:29

Well, you already know the answer to that one! Come on.

1:17:291:17:34

-Red let me in.

-Shouldn't have bothered.

1:17:391:17:42

Your fella breaks his backside to get you a present

1:17:461:17:49

most girls would wet themselves over.

1:17:491:17:51

What do you do?

1:17:511:17:52

Fling a massive strop.

1:17:521:17:54

You know nothing about nothing.

1:17:541:17:56

I'll tell you what I do know.

1:17:561:17:58

Some girls don't deserve to be treated nice.

1:17:581:18:01

You've got no right coming round here

1:18:011:18:03

and talking to me like that!

1:18:031:18:05

-You've no right to mug my mate off.

-He wants to own me! I don't want that.

1:18:051:18:08

He just bought you a car.

1:18:081:18:10

Yeah, and he put a label on it so now everyone thinks I belong to him.

1:18:101:18:14

I don't belong to anyone. Why don't you just get out?

1:18:141:18:16

You carry on.

1:18:161:18:18

Carry on blaming every decent bloke for what that toe-rag did to you.

1:18:181:18:22

Yeah, cos you know what's going on in my head, do you?

1:18:221:18:26

Course you do.

1:18:261:18:27

What was it you said to me before? That I needed therapy?

1:18:271:18:30

You thought you'd come round, save me a few quid and do it yourself?

1:18:301:18:34

All I'm saying is not every bloke is on some mission to screw you up.

1:18:341:18:38

-I know Fatboy would never hurt me.

-Then, stop acting like a victim.

1:18:381:18:41

Or let some other girl have him cos they will, you know.

1:18:411:18:46

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

1:18:521:18:57

Still wish you were in Dubai?

1:19:041:19:06

You know what? No matter what happens -

1:19:111:19:15

wives, husbands, chippies and prisons,

1:19:151:19:19

they'll never take these times away from us! Never.

1:19:191:19:23

Ricky?

1:19:251:19:26

Ricky?

1:19:281:19:30

I can't breathe!

1:19:301:19:32

Phil, I want you to tell Jack you'll stop all this nonsense, OK?

1:19:321:19:36

Phil, the divorce is making him worse.

1:19:361:19:40

I was going to offer you a pint. Billy's having one.

1:19:401:19:43

-Billy ain't got the sense he was born with.

-Phil.

1:19:431:19:46

-I think you might be right there.

-Oi!

1:19:461:19:48

There's not many blokes'd take the rap when their cousin fits them up.

1:19:481:19:51

We're sorting out some family stuff here.

1:19:511:19:54

Big on family, ain't you, Phil, eh?

1:19:541:19:56

-Loyalty. United we stand.

-You what?

1:19:561:19:58

Phil, please, ignore him, OK? I'm trying to talk to you here.

1:19:581:20:02

Big man behaviour that, fitting up your own cousin.

1:20:021:20:05

Proper top boy stuff.

1:20:051:20:07

Do you ever keep your mouth shut, eh?

1:20:071:20:09

Weak.

1:20:091:20:11

Very, very weak.

1:20:111:20:12

He didn't exactly fit me up, Del.

1:20:121:20:14

I thought you and I could share some common ground, similar values.

1:20:141:20:17

Phil Mitchell ain't the man I thought he was.

1:20:171:20:20

And why would I care what you think, eh?

1:20:201:20:22

And don't smile at me.

1:20:241:20:26

You didn't tell me this was going to be a party.

1:20:281:20:31

I had hoped that you two could shake hands,

1:20:311:20:35

but what I've learnt about Mr Mitchell's integrity, Jack,

1:20:351:20:38

I think we should just go.

1:20:381:20:41

Now that my ties with that family are finally cut,

1:20:411:20:43

I think you're right.

1:20:431:20:44

Hello, hi. Amy...?

1:20:441:20:46

See, you and him? That'd be a fair fight.

1:20:511:20:53

But it ain't just him any more.

1:20:531:20:56

You take on my brother, you take on me.

1:20:561:20:59

You enjoy yourself.

1:21:021:21:04

Cos that's the last laugh you're going to have for a very long time.

1:21:041:21:09

Maybe if a girl's ex tried to pimp her out,

1:21:241:21:27

it might make her freak if she thinks the next one's trying to buy her.

1:21:271:21:31

Hold tight, bruv, hold tight. What you on about?

1:21:311:21:34

Are you trying to say, like, I'm one of those nasty guys?

1:21:341:21:37

You trying to say I'm like that guy...?

1:21:371:21:39

-Hi.

-I thought I was having a heart attack.

1:21:511:21:54

-But you didn't mention anything about...?

-Oh, yeah. She said it was quite common,

1:21:541:21:58

you know, for middle-aged men popping pills in allotment sheds!

1:21:581:22:03

Thanks, again.

1:22:041:22:05

I'll know what to do next time.

1:22:051:22:07

Breathe in and out a paper bag, yeah?

1:22:071:22:10

No, it's drugs advice information.

1:22:101:22:12

Though we normally hand them out to patients quite a lot younger than you.

1:22:121:22:18

SHE LAUGHS

1:22:181:22:20

Oh, come on, Mandy, pick up.

1:22:221:22:24

Bobby wants you to help him with his homework -

1:22:241:22:27

history of the Christmas pudding.

1:22:271:22:28

-With pictures.

-Can't it wait?

-More important stuff to do?

1:22:281:22:31

Not jealous, are you, Jane?

1:22:311:22:33

I'm very happy you've found love, Ian.

1:22:331:22:37

And I'm happy you've found Masood. It's obvious we've both moved on.

1:22:371:22:42

If we're so happy, why don't we go for a drink? Tomorrow.

1:22:421:22:45

Even better. Let's have a meal. The four of us.

1:22:451:22:49

I'll cook. You can come over.

1:22:491:22:51

Great!

1:22:511:22:53

Great!

1:22:531:22:55

Oh, no!

1:22:571:22:58

This is the best present ever.

1:23:041:23:06

Sometimes...

1:23:101:23:12

..in my head, this mad stuff takes over.

1:23:131:23:17

It's like I forget what's normal.

1:23:191:23:22

It's OK.

1:23:231:23:24

I mean, I understand.

1:23:251:23:27

It's all forgotten, babe, OK?

1:23:281:23:30

Right! You know what this means, don't you?

1:23:331:23:36

It means that Fats is rolling shotgun, OK?

1:23:361:23:40

There you go, sweetheart.

1:23:471:23:49

Right. OK, let's do this!

1:24:051:24:08

Lovely jubbly. All right, that was great.

1:24:091:24:12

Mate, no. Not that one yet. You don't...

1:24:121:24:15

I'm sorry.

1:24:151:24:16

You're not a muppet.

1:24:191:24:21

You're my Ricky. I love you.

1:24:231:24:26

PHONE BEEPS

1:24:301:24:32

Oh, come on, at least we had a laugh.

1:24:331:24:36

A laugh? You nearly killed me!

1:24:361:24:38

Some stuck-up nurse thinking I'm Britain's oldest raver.

1:24:401:24:43

-You're hilarious.

-Ain't I just?

1:24:431:24:46

Stupid Ricky Butcher, what a fool.

1:24:461:24:49

I'm just a laughing stock, ain't I? Just a joke.

1:24:501:24:54

How did it end up like this?

1:24:541:24:56

You ain't a joke, Ricky. Not to me.

1:24:561:24:59

Can we go on the rides? Can we?

1:25:241:25:26

Yeah. Course you can. Suppose you want some money, don't ya?

1:25:261:25:30

-There you go.

-Yeah!

1:25:301:25:32

-You're very quiet.

-Am I?

1:25:331:25:36

You still thinking about your row with Bianca?

1:25:361:25:39

-Yeah.

-Forget it. Forget about the lot of it.

1:25:391:25:41

That's why we're here, ain't it?

1:25:411:25:43

It'll take more than a day in Clacton to make me forget the bailiffs knocking on the door.

1:25:431:25:48

# It's the right time

1:26:071:26:09

# It's the bright time to rock the night away... #

1:26:091:26:14

It's a black ladies' two-piece business suit.

1:26:141:26:17

There can't be many of them back there!

1:26:171:26:20

# ..A swell time to go riding in a one-horse sleigh... #

1:26:201:26:23

Don't I pay you to clean,

1:26:231:26:24

and not show off your varicose veins?

1:26:241:26:26

My cleaning shift has finished

1:26:261:26:28

and I am not due at the surgery till 12 o'clock.

1:26:281:26:33

-Not that it's going to be much fun now Dr Khan is leaving.

-Is this it?

1:26:331:26:36

Oh, yes, at last. It took you a whole five minutes.

1:26:361:26:41

It'll take a lot longer next time

1:26:411:26:42

if you don't keep a civil tongue in your head. That'll be £7.50.

1:26:421:26:45

And it went like this, then like that.

1:26:451:26:48

Oh, Dot, I've remembered the whole routine.

1:26:481:26:51

The only thing you'll get me doing at Christmas is the hokey cokey,

1:26:511:26:54

and I have difficulty remembering whether it's in, out or shake it all about.

1:26:541:26:58

Ta. Did you go and see 'em off?

1:26:581:27:00

Who?

1:27:001:27:02

Well, Pat and Ricky and everyone. They've gone for the day to Clacton.

1:27:021:27:05

Oh, Clacton.

1:27:051:27:07

Getting your knees brown, eating winkles with a pin.

1:27:071:27:10

No, I didn't know that they'd gone.

1:27:101:27:13

I thought with you being one of the family and everything...

1:27:131:27:16

Mind you, Whitney ain't gone, on account of her college work.

1:27:161:27:19

Thank you very much for reminding me, once again,

1:27:191:27:21

that I'm not part of that family.

1:27:211:27:24

Bit late for your Christmas card list.

1:27:331:27:36

I'm just trying to work things out, be practical.

1:27:361:27:41

"Carol - Jack's"?

1:27:431:27:45

I thought you could move in with him when I lose the house.

1:27:451:27:48

For starters, I'm not moving in with him. Give me that.

1:27:481:27:53

We came away to take our mind off things, remember?

1:27:531:27:57

Another couple of years, they'll realise there's not much to laugh about.

1:27:571:28:01

Remember them days?

1:28:011:28:02

When you didn't have a care, life was just a blank piece of paper...

1:28:051:28:09

It all started for me here, you know.

1:28:091:28:12

What? Clacton?

1:28:121:28:13

Mm. Holiday camp. Miss Butlins 1958.

1:28:131:28:17

It's where I first met Frank.

1:28:191:28:21

Every time I come here, it brings it all back.

1:28:231:28:26

It always smells the same, sounds the same,

1:28:281:28:31

even if it don't look the same.

1:28:311:28:33

I only have to close my eyes

1:28:361:28:39

and I'm...16 again.

1:28:391:28:43

Wiggling along the prom,

1:28:431:28:44

thinking I'm the bee's knees!

1:28:441:28:47

And the boys all wolf whistling at me two-piece!

1:28:471:28:50

So that's why we're here? So you can get nostalgic.

1:28:501:28:53

No. No, we're here to forget, like I said.

1:28:531:28:57

But sometimes forgetting one thing,

1:28:571:29:00

you end up remembering a load of other stuff.

1:29:001:29:03

They're not in.

1:29:231:29:25

They're all on a fun-filled trip to Clacton.

1:29:251:29:29

Oh, right. Ricky gone as well, then, has he?

1:29:291:29:33

Oh yeah, yeah, the whole clan. Apparently.

1:29:331:29:36

SHE SPEAKS IN HINDI

1:29:531:29:56

You'll never believe what she said.

1:30:061:30:09

-Are you doing this on purpose?

-Sorry?

1:30:091:30:11

You know I have to finish this surgery work for my replacement.

1:30:111:30:15

-Give me the phone.

-What for?

-This is important.

1:30:151:30:18

I don't know why I agreed to it.

1:30:331:30:36

The last thing I want to do is be nice to Mandy across a table.

1:30:361:30:39

-Should I just tell Ian we can't come?

-If you want.

1:30:391:30:43

Sorry. Here's me rattling on about some stupid dinner party

1:30:451:30:48

when you're worried about Kamil.

1:30:481:30:50

I'll always be worried about Kamil.

1:30:501:30:53

But not today.

1:30:531:30:55

I'll fight. I'll make Zainab change her mind.

1:30:551:30:58

-But not today. Today is about this.

-What's that for?

1:30:581:31:03

Oh, it's a surprise. For you.

1:31:031:31:06

-I love surprises!

-Well, that s good to know.

1:31:061:31:09

So long as they're a good surprise. Ian was one for surprises.

1:31:091:31:11

But they often turned out to be, well...not good.

1:31:111:31:14

Oh, well, this one is good. We're going on a picnic.

1:31:141:31:18

-In December?

-Oh, it's the perfect month for it!

1:31:181:31:21

-And what will you get if you get cold?

-A chesty cough?

1:31:211:31:25

-No. A cuddle.

-Brrrr! I've just come over all chilly.

1:31:251:31:31

-Can we play on the beach?

-Yeah, come on, then.

1:31:361:31:40

-Liam, come on.

-I'll play with them. Not you.

1:31:421:31:45

-Oi, Liam.

-He's the reason we're being chucked out onto the streets!

1:31:451:31:49

No, he ain't. I think you'll find that's me.

1:31:491:31:52

He was supposed to come back with money, but he never. Cos he's useless!

1:31:521:31:57

Right, come on, then.

1:31:581:32:00

I'll race you to the beach!

1:32:001:32:01

Come on, then.

1:32:011:32:03

He's just being mouthy. Just being a kid.

1:32:031:32:06

-Ricky knows that.

-It's not taking your mind off it, is it?

1:32:061:32:10

Bianca will be out soon, she'll sort out Ricky and the kids.

1:32:101:32:13

-You shouldn't have to worry about them.

-Neither should you.

-Me?

1:32:131:32:18

-It's what I do. I'll go to my grave worrying about someone or other.

-What do I do?

1:32:181:32:22

Sit around counting earrings?

1:32:221:32:25

D'you know, it's at times like this

1:32:251:32:28

I could do with a man around to lean on.

1:32:281:32:30

I know that's not the right-on thing to say.

1:32:301:32:32

Because we're strong, independent women.

1:32:321:32:35

We don't need men.

1:32:351:32:37

Well, I'm sorry, sometimes I do.

1:32:371:32:40

I'd give anything to have Frank or Roy around right now.

1:32:411:32:45

Listen to me! It's this place!

1:32:461:32:50

Everywhere I look I see ghosts.

1:32:501:32:52

I should have put more vinegar on these chips!

1:32:541:32:56

I wonder what culinary hell we'll be put through tonight.

1:33:031:33:06

-I thought Ian was a good cook.

-Oh, the food will be delicious.

1:33:061:33:10

It's the smug sauce he'll be serving with it that'll turn your stomach.

1:33:101:33:14

Sorry. I keep talking about Ian, don't I?

1:33:141:33:17

You know, when they rescue people who've been held captive,

1:33:171:33:20

they get them to talk about their kidnappers. It helps.

1:33:201:33:25

I don't feel so bad now!

1:33:251:33:26

We're bound to talk about our exes.

1:33:261:33:30

I know you don't want to talk about it today,

1:33:301:33:35

but Zainab can't take Kamil out of the country

1:33:351:33:38

-without you agreeing, surely?

-I still don't think they'll go.

1:33:381:33:42

But if they do, I'll have to follow. You know that, don't you?

1:33:421:33:47

I mean, clearly I'm not going to give up.

1:33:471:33:49

-Yeah, I know.

-I'm sorry.

1:33:491:33:53

I just wanted to do something nice for you and I just made you sad.

1:33:541:33:58

You make me so happy, you do.

1:33:581:34:01

It's just...now I've got you, I don't want to let you go.

1:34:011:34:09

Come on, Morgan!

1:34:181:34:19

Sea air. Meant to be good for you.

1:34:251:34:28

Mind you, I'd rather have the air in a pub right now.

1:34:281:34:32

Oh, Liam, give him a bit of slack.

1:34:321:34:35

He's blaming himself enough as it is.

1:34:351:34:37

-Why can't we be a normal family, eh?

-Normal? Where's the fun in that?

1:34:371:34:41

Why don't you go down there and join in?

1:34:461:34:48

-Don't want to.

-Fair enough, you're the one missing out.

1:34:491:34:53

Here, kids, you going to go in the sea?

1:34:571:35:01

It's freezing!

1:35:011:35:03

You'll go for a paddle, won't you, Tiff?

1:35:031:35:06

Yeah!

1:35:061:35:07

If they get a cold before Christmas, it's your fault.

1:35:081:35:12

Oh, come on, don't you tell me you've never kicked your shoes off

1:35:121:35:16

and splashed about with some boy. I know I have!

1:35:161:35:18

I'd give anything to be down there, feeling the sand between my toes.

1:35:181:35:23

Go on, what's stopping you?

1:35:231:35:26

They don't want an old bird spoiling their fun.

1:35:261:35:30

Age sneaks up on you, you know.

1:35:321:35:35

But I tell you something - in here, you're always a kid.

1:35:351:35:40

Come on, Liam, let's get some ice creams.

1:35:421:35:45

You two still on for tonight?

1:36:021:36:04

Looking forward to it!

1:36:041:36:06

-Yusef, no! Yusef, please!

-Yes. I want him to hear the good news from us.

1:36:091:36:13

-Masood.

-What?

1:36:131:36:14

Just so you know, we've managed to speed things up

1:36:141:36:16

-and we're leaving for Pakistan in a couple of weeks.

-Two weeks!

1:36:161:36:20

Come on, we've got an appointment.

1:36:201:36:22

How can you do this, Zainab? Taking Kamil to another country?

1:36:221:36:25

This is a private matter. Nothing to do with you.

1:36:251:36:28

-Don't speak to her like that!

-It's got everything to do with me!

1:36:281:36:30

I can see how much it's hurting Masood, when he's done nothing.

1:36:301:36:34

Nothing? And I suppose you've done nothing as well?

1:36:341:36:38

-It started with you two sneaking off together.

-Change the record!

1:36:381:36:41

We were friends, that's all. But you can't understand that -

1:36:411:36:43

you don't have any friends!

1:36:431:36:45

-I've got plenty, thank you!

-Really? Where are they?

1:36:451:36:48

Where are they? You lock yourself away for days,

1:36:481:36:51

-and when you do step out of the house, you're in his shadow!

-Zainab.

1:36:511:36:54

I'm not going to let you take my son.

1:36:541:36:56

-Masood has rights. Kamil has rights!

-What about Bobby?

1:36:561:36:59

-Didn't stop you abandoning him!

-I never! He's always been to see me.

1:36:591:37:03

-Come away.

-Jane, let's go.

1:37:031:37:05

Children need their parents! Mother and father.

1:37:051:37:08

Kamil has got Yusef, then!

1:37:081:37:10

He has me!

1:37:101:37:12

People are watching. Come on, Zainab.

1:37:121:37:15

-Masood, take Jane away.

-You don't tell me what to do.

1:37:151:37:17

I do when it concerns my wife. Come on, Zainab.

1:37:171:37:20

You're ruining lives!

1:37:201:37:21

You'd know all about that, Jane!

1:37:211:37:24

-What do you think you're doing?

-Telling her she's in the wrong!

1:37:241:37:27

-I'm standing up for you!

-You're making matters worse!

1:37:271:37:30

Waves come in. Waves go out.

1:37:361:37:38

Yeah.

1:37:401:37:42

Be nice if they washed our troubles away as easy, wouldn't it?

1:37:441:37:47

Don't worry about Bianca.

1:37:491:37:50

Her being in prison, there's bound to be the odd fight.

1:37:501:37:53

But it don't mean anything. We all know she's mad about you.

1:37:531:37:58

Just like you're mad about her.

1:37:581:38:01

-Pat, I...

-What?

1:38:011:38:04

I'd give anything to pay that debt off for you.

1:38:081:38:11

Oh, that would only keep them at bay for a little while, darling.

1:38:111:38:15

But it's all right, I've had an idea.

1:38:151:38:19

I know what I've got to do.

1:38:191:38:22

You're a good boy, Ricky.

1:38:241:38:26

And you're a good mum.

1:38:271:38:28

Well, if you can't help your kids...

1:38:301:38:32

I don't mean just David and Simon.

1:38:321:38:35

You've been a good mum to me too.

1:38:351:38:38

And, you know, I know I don't say it often enough, but...thanks.

1:38:401:38:45

Come on. Let's get back to reality.

1:38:541:38:58

I'm so sorry I lost it.

1:39:081:39:09

I just hate the way Zainab's controlling your life!

1:39:091:39:12

Oh, the last thing I need right now is to spend the evening

1:39:121:39:15

with Ian and his trophy girlfriend!

1:39:151:39:17

Come here.

1:39:171:39:19

I'm not going to let that man ruin my life any more.

1:39:241:39:27

I'm going to phone my solicitor this afternoon.

1:39:271:39:30

I'll fight for my son. MY son.

1:39:301:39:33

But tonight, one of our exes is holding out the hand of friendship,

1:39:351:39:39

and I think we should take it.

1:39:391:39:41

We should eat his food and laugh at his jokes.

1:39:411:39:45

They're never funny.

1:39:451:39:47

We can hold hands under the table.

1:39:481:39:51

That sounds nice.

1:39:531:39:55

-My wife does not scream in the street!

-You're blaming me?!

1:40:031:40:07

-She attacked me!

-My wife is dignified! She walks away!

1:40:071:40:10

-I'm just meant to ignore that?

-Yes! I told you to stop!

1:40:101:40:13

I told you, and you carried on in front of that man!

1:40:131:40:15

Well, I'm sorry, but if someone is going to attack me,

1:40:151:40:18

-I can't just turn my back on them.

-Yes, you can!

1:40:181:40:21

Well, you shouldn't have broken the news to Masood like that.

1:40:211:40:24

You're blaming me?

1:40:241:40:25

No, I'm... I am just saying that Masood was bound to be upset.

1:40:251:40:31

-He loves Kamil.

-That man is going to be breathing down our necks forever.

1:40:311:40:35

What do you expect? Because we're taking him away from him.

1:40:351:40:38

He doesn't want ME back. He wants Kamil.

1:40:381:40:41

-Then give the boy to him!

-What?

-If that's what it takes for us to be free of Masood,

1:40:411:40:45

it's a small price to pay! Offload the boy and then we can be free.

1:40:451:40:48

He'll only ever be an outcast to me anyway.

1:40:481:40:51

Oh, Yusef, I'm so sorry! Yusef, I'm really, really sorry!

1:40:551:40:58

You made me do this. You made me hit you!

1:41:031:41:06

Is that what you want? Is that what you're used to?

1:41:061:41:10

If you raise your hand to me again, Zainab,

1:41:101:41:12

-I will take Kamil and I will get rid of him myself!

-No!

1:41:121:41:15

And Tamwar too.

1:41:151:41:16

If you bring him into this, I won't be responsible for my actions.

1:41:161:41:21

-You understand me?

-Yes! Yes, I'm sorry!

-Do you understand me?

1:41:221:41:26

Yusef, Yusef, please, no! Yusef!

1:41:261:41:28

Why couldn't we have stayed in Clacton for ever?

1:41:421:41:45

Cos this is where we live.

1:41:451:41:47

Will all our stuff be chucked outside?

1:41:471:41:50

-What?

-That's what I heard you say to Nana Pat.

1:41:501:41:53

When we get back, the men will have been and all our stuff will be dumped outside.

1:41:531:41:57

No, love, it won't be like that.

1:41:571:41:59

I don't mind. We've been homeless before,

1:41:591:42:01

but Dad wasn't with us then, so it'll be better this time.

1:42:011:42:05

Yeah, cos he does a great job of looking after us, don't he(?)

1:42:051:42:08

-Liam!

-What? Another great Christmas this is going to be(!)

1:42:081:42:12

Go on, love, you go ahead.

1:42:171:42:19

I've got somebody I need to see.

1:42:191:42:21

-Who?

-I am entitled to a private life, aren't I?

1:42:211:42:24

Go on. They'll want their teas.

1:42:241:42:26

There, you see, that was a funny joke.

1:42:401:42:43

You know what? Jane never used to find my jokes funny.

1:42:431:42:46

Oh, I found the more I drank, the funnier they became.

1:42:461:42:49

Top me up, please.

1:42:491:42:51

You know, this is gorgeous, Ian, it really is.

1:42:531:42:55

One of the great things about Ian, Mandy, is you'll never have to cook,

1:42:551:42:58

which for me was massive - you know, cooking all day in the cafe.

1:42:581:43:02

Yeah. My mum's cafe, the one you sold to Phil.

1:43:021:43:04

It's all water under the bridge now, Ian.

1:43:041:43:08

I mean, come on, look at us, sat around the same table.

1:43:081:43:12

Being adults.

1:43:121:43:14

-Yeah.

-Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's really good, especially for Bobby.

1:43:141:43:19

Absolutely. And you two are happy.

1:43:191:43:22

Engaged and everything.

1:43:221:43:25

And me and Masood, well...

1:43:251:43:27

-We're just enjoying really getting to know each other, aren't we?

-Oh, yeah.

1:43:271:43:33

It's all worked out for the best, hasn't it?

1:43:331:43:36

You've got the sensitive man you can talk to

1:43:361:43:38

and I've got the girl of my dreams.

1:43:381:43:41

-What?

-(Hand.)

1:43:431:43:46

-Hello, Patty.

-Janine.

1:44:011:44:06

D'you know, I think we must have had a really bad reception,

1:44:061:44:09

cos I could swear when we spoke on the phone

1:44:091:44:11

that you asked for my help.

1:44:111:44:12

You know I wouldn't be here if I had any other option.

1:44:121:44:16

You don't even try to disguise your contempt for me, do you?

1:44:171:44:20

-I don't need a row.

-Well, you NEED something.

1:44:201:44:24

How was Clacton?

1:44:251:44:28

It was a last-minute thing, you know, treat for the kids.

1:44:281:44:30

Oh, fun and frolics for all the family.

1:44:301:44:32

Very clever, the way you always manage to remind me I'm an outsider.

1:44:321:44:35

-Don't be daft.

-You know what I really, really love about you, Pat?

1:44:351:44:39

The way that I'm dead to you one minute,

1:44:391:44:43

and the next, you're crawling like a little snake,

1:44:431:44:47

asking for my help.

1:44:471:44:48

So what is it this time?

1:44:481:44:50

Tiffany needs a new pair of shoes?

1:44:501:44:52

Or maybe little Morgan needs a crust of bread?

1:44:521:44:55

I took out a loan on the house to help my son Simon,

1:44:551:44:58

and now I've had this letter.

1:44:581:45:02

They say they'll repossess the house if I don't pay the money back.

1:45:051:45:09

We're expecting the bailiffs any minute.

1:45:091:45:11

How much?

1:45:141:45:16

Um... Fif...Fifty grand.

1:45:161:45:21

It's that simple?

1:45:341:45:36

You wouldn't ask me if you weren't desperate.

1:45:361:45:41

-I don't know what to say.

-You don't need to say anything.

1:45:451:45:48

It was a chicken. It was a china chicken to keep eggs in.

1:45:541:45:59

-Happy Christmas, Jane(!)

-It was a collectable piece!

1:45:591:46:02

And then the next year it was a set of oven mitts and matching apron.

1:46:021:46:06

-Like I didn't have enough aprons!

-That was a joke present!

1:46:061:46:09

D'you know what? You are just remembering what you want to remember.

1:46:091:46:13

I've had some corkers in my time.

1:46:131:46:16

Let's see - black eyes, stolen handbags.

1:46:161:46:18

-Oh no, no, wait - I did have a guy once that gave me a puppy.

-Ahh.

1:46:181:46:23

Ate my selection box and puked in my face.

1:46:231:46:27

Yeah, well, there won't be any more rubbish presents.

1:46:271:46:30

-Not now you're with me.

-Oh, please.

1:46:301:46:33

Make the most of it, Mandy, because once he's got that wedding ring

1:46:331:46:36

on your finger, you'll see the real Ian.

1:46:361:46:37

Why don't you have some water? You don't want a headache in the morning.

1:46:371:46:42

Oh. Did you see that, Mandy?

1:46:421:46:43

He cares about me. He really does.

1:46:431:46:46

Isn't he lovely? Onwards and upwards, no question.

1:46:461:46:50

Yeah. He lives in a B&B.

1:46:501:46:52

He could live in the gutter for all I care,

1:46:521:46:55

cos he makes me happy.

1:46:551:46:58

And you do, Masood, you make me really, really happy.

1:46:581:47:00

-That's nice.

-And I know you always will.

1:47:001:47:03

You know, I was thinking last night.

1:47:041:47:07

Working out where we'll all be in ten years' time, you know.

1:47:071:47:09

Me and Mas. Well, I was thinking we'll have a successful business.

1:47:091:47:14

Asian fusion restaurant.

1:47:141:47:16

and a little house not so far away.

1:47:161:47:19

Not too big but with a little garden for Bobby and Kamil to play in.

1:47:191:47:22

And we'll travel the world and have lovely holidays.

1:47:221:47:27

Starting with our honeymoon.

1:47:271:47:29

You... You've really thought about this, haven't you?

1:47:301:47:34

But you can't get married, can you? Well, you're both from different religions.

1:47:341:47:39

I know that sort of stuff doesn't bother you, but it does you.

1:47:391:47:43

-So I'll convert.

-Yeah, right!

1:47:441:47:47

Yeah, that's what I'll do.

1:47:491:47:51

I'll become a Muslim.

1:47:511:47:53

DRAINS GLASS AND SLAMS ON TABLE

1:47:531:47:57

Where are you going?

1:48:411:48:42

-I need some milk.

-There's no need to take Kamil. It's cold out.

1:48:511:48:55

Give him to me.

1:48:571:48:59

Give him to me, Zainab.

1:49:001:49:01

Don't be long.

1:49:141:49:15

Uh...I forgot the money.

1:49:261:49:28

I'll have some paperwork drawn up first thing.

1:50:271:50:30

-Paperwork?

-Well, I need some security, Pat. You must realise that.

1:50:301:50:33

In case you miss a repayment.

1:50:331:50:35

-What sort of security?

-Uh, your house, of course.

1:50:351:50:40

I mean, we all need a little bit of security sometimes, don't we?

1:50:401:50:44

Night-night. Sleep tight.

1:50:441:50:47

Well, it's been... it's been fun.

1:51:291:51:32

Yeah, yeah. We should return the favour.

1:51:321:51:34

Yeah. I mean, no rush, though.

1:51:341:51:37

-No. No.

-You're not going, are you?

1:51:371:51:40

-I've got some champagne.

-Bubbles.

1:51:401:51:43

We should go.

1:51:431:51:44

Why have we got champagne?

1:51:441:51:46

Because I've got an announcement to make.

1:51:461:51:49

-What kind of announcement?

-The best kind. Now I was gonna tell you later on,

1:51:501:51:56

but I thought, well, we're amongst friends, aren't we?

1:51:561:52:00

I had a call earlier on, from the registrar. He's had a cancellation and I've taken it.

1:52:001:52:05

So we can get married. Surprise!

1:52:061:52:09

-When?

-Monday.

1:52:131:52:16

Well, we know that we want to marry each other.

1:52:161:52:20

And this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

1:52:201:52:23

See, Jane, you're not the only one with a life plan.

1:52:231:52:27

-You weren't gone long.

-Where's Kamil?

1:52:381:52:43

Playing.

1:52:431:52:44

What you need is coffee, and lots of it.

1:52:561:52:59

-Do Muslims drink coffee?

-Only if it's halal.

1:53:011:53:06

Did you see the look on Mandy's face?

1:53:111:53:16

Like a turkey realising it's Christmas.

1:53:161:53:19

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

1:53:411:53:43

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1:53:431:53:45

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