22/12/2013 EastEnders Omnibus

900, so that's 920...

40... 60... 80...

Oh, no, what's happening? Where am I?

Oh, dear, how many had I put down there? 900...

Oh, I'm going to give up tonight. Hopeless. Try again tomorrow.

All right, madam, what are you doing up?

I can't sleep.

We should start packing, you know.

Hey.

Come on.

It won't come to that. All right? How can you be so sure?

Because to most people around here, we ARE the Vic. We are.

Trust me.

A couple of weeks' time and it'll be business as usual. All right?

Better make a move. See you later. See you.

Was that you slamming the door at three o'clock this morning? It won't happen again.

It's not a hotel. You know that, don't you? I said it won't happen again.

I don't need you answering for me.

See you later.

I thought I said midnight. Look, I'm not a kid, Nan.

Then stop acting like one.

That told you. Oh, shut up, man! Who asked you anything? That's enough!

You are skating on very thin ice, young man.

So I suggest either you buck up your ideas or you can...

Or what?

You can find somewhere else to live.

Nan!

Fine.

Morning, David.

What's all this? Not my choice, Max, believe you me.

How comes you ain't over the road? You'll have to ask your sister that one.

Chucked you out, has she? To be honest, mate, I'm surprised it took her this long.

I need a coffee. Get yourself cleaned up, will ya?

I don't want you scaring the customers. All right, all right. Catch you later.

Now there's a sight for sore eyes.

Not now, Janine.

SIREN WAILS

I'd like to make an appointment, please.

Sorry, do you know what - I'll call you back. Thanks.

Why are you dressed as a pudding?

Because there were too many shepherds. When did Christmas become such a slog, eh?

I've been up since five o'clock making this costume.

Go and get your shoes on, please.

Mum? Mum? Hello!

What planet are you on today, eh?

You've had a right face on you for a few days. I've just got a lot on my plate, that's all.

And you're sure that's all it is? What do you mean?

If you want to go and apologise to Dad, then go and flamin' do it, will ya?

Come on, let's go!

Yes. Albert Square. Number 31.

You know the Jacksons, the Butchers, the Sproggits, whoever they are.

They're lit up like the Blackpool illuminations.

No wonder I'm short circuiting.

Thank you.

You know, in my day, Poppy, Christmas was about the birth of Christ.

Not a flasher on a roof. Don't touch that.

I'm just checking it's all there.

Yes, well, I've already balanced my books

cos I've got to give this over to the vicar.

The last of the contributions.

Don't sit there!

What's that?

You know what they say, don't you Poppy? Curiosity killed the cat.

Oh, go on, Mrs Branning. Just give us a little clue.

Well, let's just say that I'm going to play a pivotal part at midnight mass.

Oh my lord, is that the time? There's so much to do. And it's raining.

Did I tell you that the vicar's got a photographer coming from the Gazette?

Yeah, you did. Once or twice.

Yes, they're going to give me one of them great big cheques, you know, to hand over.

You should be very proud, Mrs Branning.

It ain't just me, Poppy. You know, there's the community.

Lock up. All right. See you later. See you later.

Morgan, come on, we're going to be late.

Come on.

Bianca!

Dot, sorry, I've got to take Morgan to his dress rehearsal.

It's about them monstrosities adorning that there house of yours.

Yeah, sorry, you'll have to speak to Terry about that.

The incessant flashing's not only keeping me awake at night but now my electric's gone to pot.

I am sorry.

Oh, my lord, whatever's this?

He's a present from the three wise men. Good, ain't it?

I'd rather be the iPod. Whatever happened to gold, frankincense and myrrh?

Have to get with the times, Dot. Baby Jesus never wanted smellies. Oh, Lord, give me strength...

Hi, Dot. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to you too. See you later.

Do you like my outfit? Yes, mate, you look wicked.

Is she in? What've you said? She's like a bear with a sore head.

Nothing. She just lashed out at me.

So what's the matter? I intend to find out.

We're going to be late. I'll see you after. Have a nice time. Ta-ta.

What have you forgotten now?

I got you some flowers. I've got to go to work.

Although technically, it should be you apologising to me.

You've got no idea what it's like sleeping on a Portakabin floor.

I told you I don't want you here.

We're back to all this again? Come on, Carol.

Whatever it is I've done... Why do you always assume it's about you? Huh?

Because you're the centre of everyone's world? Is that it?

Well, I hate to break it to you, David, but I've got other things going on in my life. Such as?

No, come on. Such as?

Look, we're a week away from Christmas.

The last thing the kids need is me and you at each other's throats.

So, why don't we just forget about your little tantrum...

Tantrum?! Well...

Everything's a joke to you, isn't it? What do you want me to say?

That I'll start doing more around the house? It's not about that.

What is it, then? I'm struggling to understand... You know what? Forget it! Forget I said anything!

Carol, you cannot chuck me out of my own home... Don't push me, David. I swear to God, I'm this close to...

Close to what? Close to what, Carol? Just... Can you just get out of here? Please.

Well...is it all right if I get my stuff?

Yes. Two minutes. You've got two minutes.

11 years today, apparently.

So what's the secret then, Sade? I'm sorry?

To a happy marriage. Assuming I'm still married by this evening.

Someone forgot to book a baby-sitter. Oh, no.

Oh, look, I'd offer to do it myself but Fats is taking me out later.

Actually. You're free tonight, aren't you, Lauren?

And you were saying this morning how skint you were, weren't you?

I can't. It'll be three hours tops, and you did say you were looking.

She'd love to. Wouldn't you, darling? Thanks.

You may well have just saved my marriage.

She ain't going to chuck you out, is she?

Not if Alfie has his way.

Dad, you heard this? Janine's only gone and bought the Vic. Good for her.

Dad! The deal ain't done yet.

Why did you say that? I don't give a monkey's what she does with her money.

So, you spoke to my mum? Yeah. For what it's worth.

And? Another night in the car lot for me.

You must have said something to upset her. I never said anything. She's unhinged.

You was only supposed to be staying a couple of weeks. You want to see the back of me too, do you?

Thanks very much(!) Can't be much fun, kipping in Max's Portakabin.

I mean, you've come back, had all these big plans...

What - and now look at me? Thank you very much, darling.

Much appreciated.

I didn't mean it. Come on, let's talk about it. No. I'm done talking.

What about your mum? What about my mum?

You're all she's got. She should have thought about that before she sent my dad packing.

Dexter? Dex, where are you going? I'm leaving.

What? What're you talking about? You're not leaving!

Just tell the boy, for God's sake. Just give him the address!

Tell me. Mum, where is he? Where is he? Where is he?

Sam is gone. That's all you need to know. Mum, you're lying. You're lying, Mum.

Where is he? It's not in there. Stop it! How long have you had this, then? Huh?

How long have you had this? About a week. Look, listen to me...

Let me explain... Dexter! Dexter!

Thank you!

Janine, just wondering if now is a good time? Actually, no...

Just wondered if you'd reconsider my proposal?

About me and Kat staying on as managers? Under your watchful eye, of course.

Think about it. This could turn into, like, a family business. Family?!

Well, yeah. You know, 20 years from now, Tommy and Scarlett working behind the bar. Be great.

Look, we'll just have to talk later. Listen, I promise, you will not regret that, Janine. No...

Hang on, I never said... What is the point?

All right, Janine. Sorry I couldn't stop earlier.

You got time for a coffee? You're just going to have to talk to me here

cos I'm waiting for a call from my solicitor. We're selling the club.

I'm actually selling my share of the club back to Phil.

Just call it a little sweetener.

Right. Well, listen - I need a loan. Four weeks tops.

What for this time?

I'm going to push off, Janine. Later on today.

What's brought this on? Can you lend me the money or not?

No... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No can do.

We're only talking a grand.

It might have escaped your notice but we're trying to buy a pub here.

Billy is right, for a change. Every penny counts.

You never did understand the notion of family, did you?

Bye. Thank you.

"CAROL OF THE BELLS" PLAYS

# ..Merry, merry, merry Christmas

# Merry, merry, merry Christmas... #

All right, ladies.

Guess which little superstar got promoted from second shepherd to innkeeper?

Who's a clever little thing, eh? Well done!

Technically it's a man but I think they're trying to be imaginative with the casting.

Come on, trouble. your mum's got work to do.

Actually, I've decided to finish early today. Yeah?

You don't mind if I take your dad out for our anniversary, do you?

Who's going to look after me? You'll be all right on your own.

Just stay away from the bleach and the sharp knives.

Don't worry. It's all taken care of.

There's food in the fridge so just help yourself.

Jake. Your keys?

See ya. Happy anniversary!

Bye, love. Bye.

Hello, Dot. You all right? Yes. Is Alfie about?

He's upstairs with Tommy.

I heard that he's looking for volunteers, you know,

for this here street party of his.

Would you tell him that I'd be happy to coordinate proceedings?

Yeah, course I will. Thank you.

Are you all right, David?

Hm? You look a bit lost.

I'm all right, Dot. Thanks. Something'll turn up.

Always does. Want a nut?

Oh, how nice.

I'll have a glass of white wine. Actually, make that a bottle.

And whatever Billy wants. I assuming this is on the house.

I wouldn't count on it.

Dot, would you like a drink?

Oh, no, thank you, Janine. You know me, I never touch alcohol.

What about you, David? One for the road?

Suit yourself.

Hark at her without a care in the world.

You wouldn't think she'd buried her husband less than a month ago, would you?

Cheers. Cheers.

SAW WHIRS

Dex?

The old woman in the flats said I'd find you in here.

I'm pleased you came.

I would've come sooner but Mum wouldn't give me your address.

Look, she had no right throwing you out like that.

Your mother only had your best interests at heart. Come on, man, stop defending her.

I'm not.

Look, if she cared anything about me then she wouldn't have threw you out.

So how's things in Walford?

I got the sack.

I'm sorry. I'm not.

Cos it means I can stay here and I can work with you.

Come on, Dad, I'm good with my hands. I can learn on the job...

I mean, a couple of months from now, we could be in business together.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, son.

Listen, I'm not going back there. What about your mum?

Forget her. She loves you.

Yeah, well, you know what - she shouldn't have lied to me.

So come on, what do you say?

I mean, this could be the start of something big...

It's my fault.

What is? Your mother's done nothing wrong.

Look, can you stop defending her?

You were the last person who could help me.

A year ago, I found out that my kidneys had started to fail.

But then I came to Albert Square

and fell in love with my beautiful boy all over again.

That kidney saved my life.

But finding you, learning how to be a dad again...

Whoa, whoa, whoa....

Are you saying you only came back cos you were sick?

So... what, you didn't want to see me?

Of course I did.

You're my boy, Dexter.

So what about all that stuff you said...

that stuff we spoke about? That was all lies too, yeah?

All you need to know...

is that I love you.

And I never stopped loving you from the moment I walked out that door.

Mum found out, didn't she? That's why she chucked you out.

You know, that woman is worth ten of you.

I'm sorry, son.

Really I am. Look, I'm no son of yours.

Nana Carol. Can you help me with my lines?

No. No, no, I'm busy. But Mum said...

I don't care what your mum said. There's only one of me, Morgan.

All right. Come here. Five minutes and then I have to get back to the dinner.

Right, it's page 26. There.

"Where is the child who was born king of the Jews?"

"For we bring him gifts of an iPod, an Xbox..."

..and a pudding!

I'll get a better part next year.

Let's do these lines later, yeah? OK.

And Morgan...

you're going to be the best pudding there ever is.

TV IS ON

What are you doing?

I'm making an anniversary card.

Do your mum and dad do something special every year?

Not last year.

What happened?

They had a fight.

That's why Dad didn't come for Christmas.

He says this year's going to be twice as fun, though,

just to make up for it.

I'm sure it will.

"CAROL OF THE BELLS" PLAYS

BANGING ON DOOR

Yes? You must be...

Dorothy Branning. Mrs.

I'm from North One Power. According to our...

It'll be about them lights, won't it?

I've a red nose flashing at me all night long.

I mean, it's no wonder I can't sleep.

Actually, Mrs Branning, I'm the bearer of good news. Really?

During a recent review of your account, it came to our attention

that you may have been on the wrong tariff for some time now.

Oh? We're not like the other energy companies.

We're the first to hold up our hands and admit we've made a mistake.

So if you could just show me a recent bill...?

I'm sure I could have this sorted out in no time.

Course I will, come on in. Shut the door behind you.

Pie and chips. Sorry it's not a bit more romantic.

Food of the gods, this.

You bought me chips on our first date.

Yeah, I did.

That's when you knew you were on to a good thing.

11 years.

Yeah. 11 years.

They've not all been bad, have they?

PHONE RINGS

Ignore it. No, what if something's wrong?

Hi. Lauren?

You said you were available all evening...

No. Fine. We'll come back now.

Problem? Well, it would seem that Lauren's double-booked herself.

Happy anniversary.

All right? I'll have a pint please, Kat.

You all right? Oh, yeah, great thanks.

Kat, you think I should go and give them a bottle of bubbly? Why?

To seal our partnership, that's why. You really think she's going to keep us on?

Tell you something, sweetheart, she was practically biting my hand off.

There you go, guys. Compliments of the management.

That's very kind of you.

You're welcome. Not that we do give booze away. Cos we don't.

Well, about that.

I think there's probably only room for one landlord of the Vic, don't you?

What was it Pat said? A new broom sweeps clean.

So?

Yeah, sorted.

How did you manage that, then? I told you, didn't I?

I made her an offer she couldn't refuse. Huh?

Having fun, are you? Eh?

What's all this, eh? Having a works night out or something?

No, we're celebrating.

Actually, I'm quite hungry. Why don't we go to Scarlett's, take that with us, and get a bite to eat?

You want to know what my sister's doing tonight, Janine?

Get out of my way, Joey.

I wonder what everyone in here would think if they knew what really happened that night, eh?

You're hurting my arm. Take your hands off her.

Stay out of this please. David, all right. I mean it, Joey. Take your hands off her.

I won't tell you again.

Get your hands off me now! Every time you turn around I'm going to be there, Janine.

Out! Out! Do you hear me?

Out! You want to watch who you're pushing around, David.

Or what? Because I've just about had my fill of you Brannings today.

Do you like bullying women, is that it?

Yeah. Derek was just the same.

He wouldn't let Carol breathe without his say so. What's Carol got to do with anything, eh?

Me and her would be together if it wasn't for that twisted little man!

This ain't about Derek! So what was all that in there, then?

You're a chip off the old block if ever I saw it.

You really think that Janine's the victim in all this, don't you?

What is wrong with people? Can't you see what's in front of your eyes?

And what's that, then? She killed Michael!

Yeah, that's right, David. Your little stepsister.

She picked up a knife and she stuck it straight through his back.

Shut up. Have you seen my sister? Yes, and she's already admitted she did it.

He was stabbed twice.

You've seen the size of my little sister, David.

You know she's barely got the strength in her to do it once, let alone twice.

Wishful thinking, Joey. You know Michael was trying to kill Janine, don't you?

Yeah. He was going to give her a whole load of pills.

That is how far she'd pushed him.

She killed him, David.

And I ain't going to rest until everyone knows it.

Mum! Hi, darling. Hey, love.

I'm sorry. It's a bit late for that. It's all right. No harm done, eh?

I'm going to go. You really have let me down, Lauren. You know that, don't you?

It's all here in black and white, Mrs Branning.

You've been overpaying us for four months now.

No! By my calculations, that means we owe you

?29.70.

I say. Well, what an unexpected treat.

Can I be crude and offer you that in cash?

It couldn't have come at a better time.

Cos I'm saving up, you see, to buy my little granddaughter,

Dotty, a new pair of trainers.

Well, seeing as it's the season of goodwill...

let's forget about the 30p change, shall we?

Oh, thank you very much. I'll show you out, shall I?

I must say, it's nice to have a happy customer for once.

May Jesus bless you this Christmas.

Goodbye, Mrs Branning. Bye.

"CAROL OF THE BELLS" PLAYS

Got enough for one more?

No...

Oh, no...

Right, I've got to go. You sure you're going to be all right?

Yeah.

See you tomorrow.

Hold your horses. You owe me a drink.

I don't owe you anything.

You had no right interfering.

I was defending you.

You've just made things a hundred times worse.

Oh? Why's that?

I really don't need this right now.

He's really got to you, ain't he?

I can handle Joey.

He's saying that you killed Michael.

Apparently you had a score to settle.

Yeah, well, Joey says a lot of stupid things. It's slander.

It's none of your business.

You naughty girl.

DISTANT ALARM RINGS

Save some for the morning.

Oh! Oh, Carol. You gave me a heart attack.

I couldn't sleep.

No, me neither. Heartburn.

Do you hear that alarm?

I think everyone this side of Stratford can hear that alarm.

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah. I will be after I've cleaned this cupboard.

Well, night then.

DOT WAILS

Mrs Branning...

Did you set this off? No. Who set this off? Not me.

I can't remember the number. What's the number?

It's Dotty's birthday. Let me. Let me.

KEYPAD BEEPS

ALARM STOPS

All right? Why did you set it anyway?

It's my house. That's my business.

All right. Well, shall I make us some warm milk, yeah?

Calm us both down a little bit.

You've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow, ain't you, so...

DOOR CLOSES

Oi, have any of you seen my flashing antlers?

I definitely had them with me last night.

You got any plans for today?

Well, that depends, don't it? On what?

On whether you're going to lend me any money.

Forget it. Bill?

No. I'm skint.

Don't even ask me. You owe me a tenner still.

Hey, we still haven't worked out what we're going to do next week.

How do you mean? Well, I don't mind peeling the spuds,

but I'm not sticking my hand up some bird.

Wouldn't be the first...

Anyway, you can do what you like. Cos we ain't going to be there.

What are you talking about?

Phil's invited us over to his on Christmas Day.

Yeah. So you have got the flat to yourselves.

Bye. See you. So it's just the two of us then, eh?

Looks that way.

We are going to have a laugh, aren't we?

I hate Christmas. I'm going to do exactly what I did last year.

And what was that?

Lock myself away till the whole sorry event is over.

Don't forget it's Morgan's Christmas play after school.

Tonight? You are coming, right?

Yeah, I'll just be a little bit late, love.

I've got to go and see Alice. But you promised.

They always let you down. I'll be there as soon as I can, all right?

He's not there. What're you talking about? Dad.

I took this sandwich over to Max's and Max said he upped sticks

and left first thing this morning.

That doesn't mean he's gone. Well, where is he then?

I don't know. Maybe he's gone to an auction or something.

PHONE RINGS Tiffany!

It's from the doctor. Why are you going to the doctor's?

Just getting a repeat prescription.

Honestly, is nothing private in this house?

Well, what about Dad?

I don't know. He'll turn up. He always does.

What if he don't?

Well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

You'll be late for the launderette at this rate.

I ain't going to the launderette.

Is it that sickness bug?

Gaynor had it last week. Said she felt like she'd been hit by a bus.

I ain't sick. Shall I call the surgery?

Get you one of those - what are they - emergency appointments?

I don't want to see a doctor.

I know, but if you're sick, Mrs Branning, it's...

I'm sick of you!

Why don't you just go! Go, will you? Go on. Leave me alone.

Sorry.

DOOR OPENS

Nan, I was hoping to find you in here.

Yeah, Dot's got one of her migraines again.

Muggins here is picking up the pieces.

Did you find him?

Yeah.

And what did he have to say for himself?

I hit him, Nan.

Good. Saves me the trouble.

Listen, Nan. Me and you... Are we all right, yeah?

Don't worry about me, darling.

Yeah, I know, but if I upset you yesterday, then I'm...

Sweetheart, you didn't even scratch the surface.

Good.

How are things with your mum?

Yeah, me and Mum are cool.

Great. You do know she's selling the car? She needs a job.

Money to pay the bills.

Yeah, but Mum can find a job, no problem.

Yeah. Yeah, she can. And she's found one. But it's in Newcastle.

Only she didn't accept it because she was worried about you.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Mrs Branning?

Just checking you were all set for

our little press call this afternoon?

Well, actually, Vicar...

I can't tell you how impressed people are with your fundraising.

It's no mean feat in this current climate, I can tell you.

Right. Well, I'll see you at 2.00 then.

I'm looking for Alice Branning.

Table three.

Oh, thank you.

Alice?

Hello, Carol. Sit down.

What are you doing here?

Just having a little catch-up with Alice.

About what?

Well, I wanted to make sure that she knew she had our full support.

And whilst we can't visit as much as we'd like...

it doesn't mean to say we're not out there fighting her corner.

And what prompted this exactly?

You said it yourself - it's about time I put this family first.

I'm not family. I don't have anyone...

Hey, don't say that, love. You've got us, Alice.

You've got us.

Listen. I'll leave you two to have a little chat, all right?

You take care, Alice.

Alice, I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner.

I've just had a lot on. I know that's no excuse.

Joey sends his love.

I know he'd really love to see you.

Alice.

Listen, if we're going to get through this

you've got to stay strong.

Alice?

You don't work here any more, remember. I know.

So what do you want then?

I got you both something.

It's like a little present that's just more of an apology.

You've got to press the belly.

TOY PLAYS JINGLE BELLS

PHIL CHUCKLES

Thanks. I love it.

You can consider that a verbal warning.

Look, listen, Phil, you're not going to regret it. I promise.

Go on, Jay. Chuck him a set of overalls.

Look, I can't start straightaway though. That's the thing.

When can you start then?

I'll get back to you. And, Phil, listen...

Forget what everyone round here says about you. You're the boss.

All right?

I can't figure you out.

Why's that?

You come all this way just to give Alice some misguided pep talk?

I feel sorry for her. No. There's more to it than that.

You've barely even glanced in that girl's direction since you got back.

That's not true. So why now, David? Why today?

I can't win with you, can I?

You accuse me of not caring enough, so I try and make amends.

I see a girl in there who's terrified of her own shadow.

So what do I do?

I try and convince her that everything's going to be all right.

When we both know the odds are stacked against her. Why?

Because sometimes, Carol,

you just need someone to show you a little faith.

David...

What are you doing now?

I was going to pop in and see Janine.

I'm in no rush to get home.

SHE LAUGHS

I got this for Tramp.

I mean, unless you want a rubber bone to chew on. No?

Oh, well.

Tramp. Tramp! Dexter's got a present for you.

There you go. Look.

Listen, Cuz, while I'm here, do you mind

if I send some e-mails quickly, yeah?

Why can't you do it at home?

Because my internet's down.

Nan said you went to see your dad yesterday.

Did she?

Look, Dex, I am really sorry that things didn't work out.

But if you ever want to talk to anyone...

Look, why does everyone always want me to talk?

So what, my dad turned out to be a big waste of space. I don't care.

I think you do.

Look, all I wanted was a dad.

I know you did.

And I mean, Mum's not going to be around for ever.

So, who else have I got? You've got me, Jay and Lola...

I mean, we're all the family you need.

SPOON CLINKING IN CUP

Here we go.

I shouldn't be here. Sadie won't be back till late.

I'm going to have to quit my job, you know. You can't.

You saw what Sadie was like yesterday. She already hates me.

She doesn't.

Well, if she doesn't now, she will, won't she?!

It won't come to that. I'll sort it, I promise.

I've got to go.

Lauren, please.

I can't do this without you.

All right, ladies?

Rumour has it you're looking for someone

to help out at the street party. Yeah, that's right.

Then look no further. Consider me Santa's little helper.

OK. Excuse me a second.

You all right, darling? Give us a hand, will you?

I went a bit overboard getting a few bits for Tommy.

I can see that. This is just the tip of the iceberg, believe me.

Listen, Kat, can we just go a little bit easy on the spending, yeah?

I want this to be a perfect Christmas

that Tommy's going to remember, yeah?

Look, I hate talking about cash as much as the next person

but how do you want to do this? Do what?

I was thinking six quid an hour's fair enough. What?

If it's all the same, I'd rather have cash up front.

Saves all that awkward talk later on. Stop talking just for a second, OK.

Cos I'm not paying you. I'm not doing it for free.

Listen, it's for charity, all right?

Well, then you can find some other mug.

Yeah, how very selfish, eh...

I try and do yet again what I can for the community.

But there's scroungers like you throwing it back in my face.

Well, you know what?

I've had it with this whole street party rubbish. Oi!

Go easy. How often do I get to do this?

I ain't complaining.

All I ever do is run around after other people.

Well, today I'm putting me first.

Well, I'll drink to that. Cheers.

Here, do you remember that time we snuck that bottle of Asti

out of your dad's drinks cabinet?

Yeah, you held my hair back whilst I threw up on the side of the road.

Always the gentleman.

I've really missed this. What?

Us. This. David...

Spending time together. What?! Can't we be friends now?

That's all we ever can be.

Well, that's fine by me.

What would you say to that girl now?

That one throwing up on the side of the road.

I'd tell her never to trust a man with cheap booze.

HE LAUGHS

I'm being serious. What would you say to her?

What's the point in looking back?

Because it's a darn sight easier than looking forwards.

I'd tell her to cherish every moment, you know. Good or bad.

Because you never know where life's going to take you.

OK, Mrs Branning, I've got your details up here now.

So, how can I help you?

Well, I was looking to borrow a loan.

I see. And what sort of figure are we looking at?

?2,546.34.

?2,500 will do fine.

Right. And can I ask what the money's for?

I mean, are we talking home improvements here, or a car perhaps?

Or is it just something to tide you over?

Home improvements. I'm a smoker, you see.

And I'm afraid my ceiling and all my wallpaper has got very discoloured.

Just looking at your incomings and outgoings, I do worry that

a regular monthly repayment might be something of a stretch for you.

Oh, no, don't worry. I can manage. I always do.

I notice you do also have a savings account with us.

Yes. Well, I didn't want to dip into that,

cos you see it's for my old age, a rainy day.

Have you considered using that to pay for your home improvements?

What's this? You see that job up in Newcastle? Yes?

You start on the 2nd. What?

That's right, I e-mailed them pretending to be you

and told them that you'd reconsidered.

Dexter, what are you talking about?!

Yeah, they're going to send your contract through later on today.

I can't just up and leave. Well, why not?

Because... Well, because my whole life is here!

What life?

Come on, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Yes. And there'll be others. At your age?

Mind yourself. Listen, Mum, come on.

Let's face it, there's nothing for you round here.

Dexter, what are you going to do while I'm up in Newcastle?

Yeah, well, I'll be with you, won't I?

I mean, I'll help you settle in and that...

And then? And then I'll come back and I'll live with Nan.

Over my dead body. Look, Mum... Mum, listen.

Everything you've ever done has been for me, yeah?

Yeah, well, it's your turn now. I'm doing something for you.

You know the last time I went to a posh restaurant

and got a little bit tiddly?

When was that?

Never. That's when.

So today I get to pretend to be someone else.

Like who?

How about that Sadie woman from the salon?

I bet she does this sort of thing all the time.

We don't know what goes on behind closed doors, do we?

Just for one afternoon, I'd like not to be Carol Jackson.

Why's that?

You wouldn't understand.

Try me.

Come on, Carol. You've been in a funny mood since last week.

Don't spoil it. Don't make it real.

What's this? Fantasy?

Yeah. If you like.

And what about us?

There is no us.

There could be.

Another lifetime ago, maybe.

And why not now, eh?

Why not now?

David Wicks. Are you trying to take advantage of me?

And what if I was?

I'd say don't stop.

MUSIC: "O Come All Ye Faithful"

INDISTINCT CHATTER

She's not at the launderette.

Right, if you could excuse us for a few moments?

She wasn't very well this morning.

Do you think she's taken herself off to the doctors?

Oh, dear. She was so looking forward to today.

Right. I think we're going to have to get going without her.

Vicar...

Ladies and gentlemen...

I'm sure you all know our devoted church warden Mrs Dorothy Branning.

The woman who single-handedly raised ?8,000 for the church roof.

CROWD CHEER

Grandma Dot! You really shouldn't be carrying that around with you.

Yeah, she's right. Put it in safe hands.

It's heart-warming to see that despite the current economic gloom,

people's generosity shines through.

Smile for the camera.

MUSIC: "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

This one.

Here you are.

Are you sure about this?

It's all they had left at short notice.

It's all right though, innit?

I can't do this, David. I'm sorry. Carol?

Carol!

SHE LOCKS DOOR

SHE SOBS QUIETLY

Present for you. What is it?

Well, it's a Christmas wreath. To hang on the front door.

"To Aunty Sylvie. In loving memory."

Yeah, well, I'm skint an' all.

You know, there is one way we can get our hands on some extra cash...

No. It's just one phone call.

I'm not going to tell you again, Tina.

Oi, Tina.

Merry Christmas.

Alfie... Kat, this is so annoying!

One bulb goes and then it just brings the whole lot down with it!

Come on. Out with it. With what?

Your head has been somewhere else since yesterday.

It's this street party. D-day took less planning.

I've got Sadie in one ear, Dot rabbiting in the other...

You're lying. We made a pact. No more lies.

Yeah, I know.

Janine, she doesn't want us.

It's over, Kat.

Do you know what, Dexter? I could always e-mail them and...

Mum, will you just get in the car, please?

I don't even know Newcastle! Look, Mum, neither do I.

But look, Mum, we're going to get through this together, yeah?

Dex.

You are coming back, aren't you?

Yeah. About four weeks, tops.

I've just got to go and hold the old woman's hand, that's all.

I heard that.

Listen, you take care, son.

THEY LAUGH

Take care, all right?

The meter's running, babe.

All right, see you lot later, yeah?

See you.

See you. Bye. Bye. See you.

Look, do you know what - stop the car.

What? What do you mean? Dexter, I can do this by myself.

I don't need you to look after me. Look, listen, Mum...

Babe, you've got your own life now.

Go on.

Listen, Mum, are you sure?

Come here.

I'm going to call you tonight when I get there, OK?

Listen, Mum, I'm still coming to see you at Christmas, you know.

I love you, Mum.

I love you.

Go on.

LOLA: What are you doing? Why?

I'm staying. I'm staying!

Are you serious? Yeah. I'm going to live with you.

Me? Yeah. I'm going to live with Nan. I know.

But Mum, she said she can do it on her own.

Is she all right? Yeah, she's cool. She's fine.

I accepted that job in Newcastle.

Congratulations.

I start in the new year.

Will you keep an eye on Dexter for me, yeah?

Make sure he stays out of trouble?

Course.

Look after yourself then. You too.

Mum.

Thank you.

You've got nothing to thank me for.

Yes, I do.

ENGINE STARTS

Hello, Mrs Jackson.

I'm surprised I got an appointment so quickly,

with the sickness bug going round.

Why is it everybody's so ill just before Christmas?

How can I help you today?

I found a lump in my right breast.

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about,

but it's better to get these things checked, isn't it?

Have you noticed any abnormalities before?

I probably haven't checked as often as I should.

You know how it is. You hardly get a moment to yourself.

Has there been any pain, discharge at all?

No. You see... I knew there was nothing to worry about.

What about your general health?

Normal aches and pains. Nothing out of the ordinary.

There is the HRT pills that you prescribed to me.

And how have you found them?

Yeah, I've felt better than I have done in months.

Right. If you can just go behind the curtain for me,

and we'll take it from there.

Would you like a community nurse present?

No, I'm fine.

Um...I thought you'd given up.

So shoot me.

This is it, kid.

Just me and you now.

In the cold light of day, it doesn't seem so bad.

You know what? It's probably just a cyst.

It's certainly a possibility.

Right, well, the last thing you need is me

taking up any more of your time.

Mrs Jackson. Taking into account your age and your family history...

Family history?

Are you saying it could be cancer?

I can't rule anything out at this stage.

So what happens now?

I'll need to refer you to a consultant.

Right.

I'll...I'll wait to hear from you then.

Dr Hall, merry Christmas.

Mum. Are you coming to watch this play or not?

Yeah, course.

"JOY TO THE WORLD" PLAYS ON RADIO

HE SWITCHES OFF RADIO

Are you sure you looked under Mum's bed?

I looked EVERYWHERE.

You can't have! Think harder, where do they think we won't look?

Tiff, can't we just wait till Christmas?

No! I want to know what I'm getting now!

Hey! Nana Carol!

Who wants to take these off me?

Hi, Mas. Hey.

Card, card, bill...

Listen, take those inside and go and get your coats on.

Bet you're going to be busy today. Yeah, I've got this extra shift on.

But, you know, I was thinking we could do something later on,

I haven't seen you for ages.

It's my fault, I know. I've been busy.

Yeah, I've been busy as well, you know, I've...

I'd like that, yeah.

Are you all right?

I'm fine! Yeah, fine. You know, I've just been busy,

what with Christmas and the kids, and...

Look, it's my day off today.

I'll take the kids to school and then I'll give you a call, yeah?

OK. I'll look forward to it.

# That's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell

# That's the jingle bell rock. #

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, look, it's not even Christmas yet!

Christmas starts on Christmas Eve when the pubs open

and it finishes when you get chucked out on Boxing Day.

Shirl! Do you two know what you're doing Christmas Day yet?

Opening a bottle of vodka. Well, I had a thought.

How about I speak to Phil and get you an invite?

Hang on a minute, this is, like, the first Christmas that you and I

have been together forever and I want it to be special.

Well, how's it going to be special if it's only you and me

with no booze and no food? Money I've got in MY pocket

wouldn't cover a couple of Brussels sprouts. I don't care.

We never had much, but Shirl, she always made it special.

That's just like me and Lexi. I just want to make it magical.

Remember that year I kicked off cos there weren't enough presents

and you stayed up wrapping everything in the kitchen? Yeah, you were just a kid then.

Mind you, you're like a big kid now, in't you,

you like Christmas so much!

Yeah, I suppose so.

Listen, Shirl, let's go out for the day.

A mystery trip, yeah? No.

Oh, come on! It'll be brilliant.

The last time you and I went on "a little trip",

I ended up in a prison cell with a bunch of women rugby players.

What? It won't be anything like that. Trust me, OK?

Look, you've got a day off work, what else are you going to do?

Go on, then.

I haven't finished my sandwich yet!

I'm going for a wee-wee.

Right, I'd better get to work.

What's that? An early Christmas present?

No, it's a birthday present for...

well, just some boy, but I don't know whether to give it to him.

He's back today and he ain't spoke to me since he's been gone.

Fellas, they're like that.

Well, should I give it to him or not?

Cos I don't want to seem too keen,

and he might not be interested any more anyway.

Well, if he's not keen, then it's his loss.

Carol!

Hi.

You all right? I'm fine, fine.

Yeah? Great, listen, erm, about yesterday...

I don't want to talk about it, David.

Well, I do.

I'm with Mas.

You weren't thinking about him when you was with me.

I can't do this, David.

Carol, listen... Listen!

When a couple have got history like we've got,

the boundaries, they get blurred, don't they?

That's not a bad thing, that's good.

I just want a Christmas with no dramas.

If I moved back in, I could take the weight off your shoulders...

No. Go and make other arrangements.

Carol, come on! No. Please...

You're blowing this out of proportion!

HE SIGHS

DOOR CREAKS OPEN

If you ask me, this place is cursed and Janine's welcome to it.

Come on. You don't mean that.

I've told Bianca that I'm not doing the stall today

because I want to be with you.

Oh, you don't have to do that. No, I know. I thought you'd like it.

Make the most of working together.

Yeah, that's a good thing.

I'll go and get my face on.

I like the one you've already got.

We know you've been under a lot of pressure lately.

Don't patronise me.

But you have to go through the hassle of hiring other people,

and we know the business inside out.

This is getting boring. I've said no.

I've got a business to run and I'm short-staffed.

You might have a good business sense

but you've got your priorities all wrong here. Is that a fact?

Yeah. Money ain't going to make you popular.

It's not going to buy you friends

and it's not going to buy you a family.

I seem to remember it bought you into my bed, though,

Mr Straight For Pay.

Let's leave her alone, cos that's how she's going to end up.

Old and alone.

And rich!

DOOR SLAMS

I don't like surprises. You're going to love this one!

When can I take those presents out my cab?

It depends if you want Tiff and Morgan to find them before Christmas Eve.

My daughter could give a bloodhound a run for its money.

David didn't look very happy this morning.

It'll all get sorted before Christmas.

Why did your mum kick him out? She just gets a bit moody sometimes.

A member of your family, moody(?)

Oh, shut up!

HE CHUCKLES

SHE SIGHS

Yeah, we can use decorating tables if there's not enough.

You're on fire now, Paddy, mate. Good one.

Wow! Wazza-wow-wow-woo! We're looking good, Mama.

Like I said, we need to take as much as we can before we get kicked out.

Works every time. Oi-oi!

Bit late for a wish list to Santa, innit?

No, this is a list for the street party.

Don't know why you're bothering.

I'm bothering because it's for the community.

Yeah, COMMUNITY. The same COMMUNITY that's up in arms

about us being kicked out of here, eh?

There's a whole heap of us not happy at the thought of Janine taking over, you know.

Yeah? Can't see you boycotting it, though.

Kat...

Yes, darling? Pint of lager.

I can't believe you slept with her.

Yeah, well, it's not one of my proudest moments.

Listen, I'm sorry. I was sure Janine would have took you back on.

Suppose I'm going to have to work for my dad again.

I really don't want to.

Well, at least you've got that option.

I can't see me stopping here now.

Well, I could ask my dad, and see if he has anything for you.

Thanks.

Don't tell me you'd be sorry to see me go.

I do NOT understand you.

Why? Because I flirt with you?

It's just all a game to you, isn't it?

It's not a game.

Come here.

DISTANT CAROL SINGERS

TRAIN PASSES OVERHEAD

SEDUCTIVELY: Alfie!

Alfie...

Kat, listen, sweetheart, I've got a bar full of...

I thought it might boost the tips.

Upstairs, now. What about the pub?

Patrick can manage! Come on, let's go.

THEY GIGGLE

You all right?

Yeah, I am, actually. Oh, you having fun?

Mm-hm. I've made mince pies.

They're a bit burnt, but I think they're all right.

You can take some down the market if you want.

Oh, what did you say about TJ and nuts?

Don't know.

Did you say that he was allergic to them or he doesn't like them?

I'm not sure. Only, it's my mum's old recipe

and it says almonds but, you know, I don't want to kill him,

so I'm not going to put them in.

But I'm a bit worried it won't taste right,

so, really, they should go in. Can you phone Terry and ask him?

What, now? No, no, wait until Easter... Yes, now!

This should have been made weeks ago, giving everything time to ferment.

Why don't you just buy one?

I told you, it's my mum's old recipe.

Which reminds me, I should go and see my dad this weekend.

You should go with the kids, you know how much he likes to see you.

Yeah, talking of dads, what is my dad going to do at Christmas?

Er...I don't know, erm...

you've got Terry this year and I've got Mas,

and I'd really like to invite him for Christmas,

so David would just get in the way.

All right, what's he done to upset you?

No, nothing.

I'd just...

I'd just rather not have him here.

I saw him earlier, he's fine about it.

Anyway, come on, come and stir that and make a wish.

The man in the shop said it was the best one, so...

I know you like all that outdoorsy, nature stuff.

Look, if you don't like it you can take it back, all right?

No, I do. This would have been really handy

when I was camping with my mates.

Oh, was that on your birthday? Cos I tried to call you.

Yeah, sorry, I had no reception. Really?

Yeah, really, there was no signal.

I was, like, in the middle of nowhere.

I did want to talk to you.

Really?

I really missed you.

And now I feel stupid because you're not saying anything.

Peter, do you actually want to be with me?

Yeah.

Oh.

You're smiling. So it's a good thing?

THEY LAUGH

I think we should still keep it quiet, though.

I don't want my dad and Phil getting in the way.

Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

So, erm, where is your dad now, then?

Oh, it's lunchtime, so he'll be at the restaurant.

Ah. Well, then, shouldn't we be making the most of this free house?

Oh! Ah, yeah, yeah, I think we should!

Janine!

Cor, you look miles away!

Yeah, I was. That's a big tree.

Well, you've got high ceilings, haven't you? Sorry?

It's for you, you daft ha'p'orth! I noticed you didn't have one.

Well, that's because I didn't want one.

Not a real one with pine needles that are going to drop

and Scarlett's going to stand on them...

Yeah, but think of her eyes when she sees it, eh?

It's magical, innit?

Just like someone else's eyes, if I remember correctly.

Now, who was it who used to sit staring at the tree?

All the lights and the tinsel? Erm...

You lifted me up to put the fairy on the top.

Come on.

An hour and a half on three buses, no fags, kids screaming in me ear...

what are we doing here? It's a surprise.

No, it's Watford. It's hardly surprising.

Oh, don't light up now, Shirl.

You know what, Tina, I'm going to have this fag,

and unless you tell me where we're going,

when I've finished it, I'm going home.

Can't you just think of it like an adventure?

No, I'll think of it as a waste of time and a waste of bus fare.

There'd better be something worthwhile at the end of it.

OK. We're here now. Ta-da!

A pub?

Come on.

APPLAUSE

There you go, sweetheart. It's a lovely wine, that.

You save it for Christmas Day. Thank you.

Right. Let's have a good old root, see what's at the bottom...

Straight up... No, Cyril!

I don't need any crude remarks from you!

Right. This one's for the turkey.

It's blue...number 147.

147?

Anyone got blue 147?

Surprise!

Excuse me for a minute, no cheating now!

You stupid little...! Please, Shirley, it's Christmas!

What are you doing here?

It's not her fault, I never told her where we was going.

We don't want no trouble.

Aren't you going to ask how he is?

It's been 15 years, don't you care?

She cares! Course she cares! I can speak for myself!

So where is he then? Out back?

No, he's out. And he won't be back till tonight at the earliest.

Oh... I really wanted the three of us to...

What? To have a family reunion?

Yes, actually! It's Christmas.

Families are supposed to be together at Christmas.

What world are you living in?

LINDA CLEARS HER THROAT

Couldn't we at least have a drink?

We can be civil, can't we?

One drink, and then I've got a raffle to finish.

Anyone got that ticket?

No? Hang on a minute.

Normal service will resume shortly.

Hello, love.

No, no, take your time.

Pick us up another box of crisps while you're there.

Of course I can manage.

Love you.

What do you want for Christmas?

I don't need anything for Christmas. I've got you now.

DOOR OPENS

All right?

Oh, I thought you were Dad.

Why aren't you on the stall?

Erm...I just had some lunch.

What are you doing?

Nothing, cos I've got nothing to do.

Danny thought it might be a good idea to go to Janine

and ask for our jobs back again.

It was like getting blood from a stone.

So I guess you're going back to the chippy, then, yeah?

Great, can't wait(!)

Oh, it's not that bad.

At least you can look for other stuff while you're there.

DOOR CLATTERS

What was that?

What?

I didn't hear anything.

Thanks, Linda.

I love your decs, they're well Christmassy, ain't they, Shirl?

How are the kids?

They're good.

Great, in fact.

How are yours?

I'm living with Shirl now.

You know there's always a bed for you here if you need it.

She SAID she's staying with me.

Things have a habit of not working out when you're involved, though, don't they?

It would be really great to see Mick.

Maybe we could come again in a couple of days?

Or Christmas? Just drop it, Tina!

You said yourself, we ain't got any money!

Blue 147?

Why didn't you say?

What?

We have a lucky winner!

Here, have this.

That should keep you going to the New Year.

I've got a Yule log out back, you can have that an' all.

She wanted family, not a dead bird. Yeah, well, it's one thing having a drink,

it's another having you round here for Christmas.

Why, you got to ask Mummy first?

It's not even your pub, is it?

After what happened last time?!

That was an accident.

You burned down our home on Christmas Day!

We lost so much because of you!

Yeah, well, I did you a favour. You always did have bad taste.

And did you do your kids a favour when you walked out on them?

Have you any idea how much you've hurt your brother, Shirley?

I feel sorry for you.

Oh, shut up!

And stuff your turkey, I don't need your pity.

Turning your back on your own kids - I'll never understand that.

But to then walk away from your brother, who's devoted to you...

You! YOU made him choose.

Once you'd got your claws into him you wanted me out of his life,

so don't go blaming all this on me.

And that fire...

..it WAS an accident.

Tina, come on.

It's really lovely to see you, Linda.

Like I say, Tina - YOU'RE always welcome.

Would you do me a favour?

Would you tell Mick I miss him?

All right, ladies and gents.

We've still got the Christmas hits compilation

AND a bottle of bubbly, so get your tickets out!

Look, I know we've already spoken about this,

but I would really love it if you would come over here for Christmas.

It's just that I would like a really big family Christmas here this year.

Right...

If you're worried about having to be civil to David,

it's all right, because he's not going to be here.

Why?

Oh, he's just overstayed his welcome.

Why, has he been stirring up trouble again?

No, no, nothing like that. No, he's fine with us, I just...

So what do you say? Christmas? Yeah?

Yeah, all right!

Good. Come on, then,

I've been making lists and cooking all day.

I've ordered the turkey, made some mince pies.

Come and smell this.

Oh, that's delicious! What is it?

It's Christmas pudding. Oh, OK.

Yeah, I'm just waiting for the kids to come back and stir it.

It's my mum's old recipe.

When we were little, we all used to stir it and make a wish.

She used to put money in it for luck.

But one year, Max nearly choked on a 5p, so she never bothered again.

Never heard you talk about your mum before.

Yeah, well, you know, it's this time of year, you remember, don't you?

She used to love Christmas. When did she die?

Ooh, ages ago. Cancer.

Come on then, stir it.

It's traditional. Make a wish.

Oh...

..I've got what I've wished for.

Come on! Make a wish!

KAT GIGGLES

Do you have any idea at all how busy it's been in here?

Do you see these? I only have one pair, you know.

Sorry, Paddy, we got a bit delayed. You're not the only ones losing your jobs, you know.

Have you even thought about the rest of us?

Listen, I'm really sorry. Who knows, Janine might keep you on.

I doubt it. We're all in the same boat, brother.

Yeah, listen, you're right. You're right, Paddy, I know.

We shouldn't be worrying about what Janine's going to do or not do.

We should be enjoying ourselves. Going out with a bang!

KAT MOCK-GASPS What DO you mean?

Well, like I say, enjoy ourselves!

Show these people what they're missing, eh?

Come on, Paddy, group hug.

THEY LAUGH

There you are. Go on, admit it. You love it.

SCARLETT will love it.

Ooh, that looks expensive.

Well, no-one likes a fairy when they're moth-eaten, do they?

Here you are.

I can't reach up there, you do it. I mean, look.

Ooh!

Come here... No!

Come here. No! David!

David, I weigh a bit more than I did when I was ten! Go on!

SHE LAUGHS Aww...

Spend Christmas with me.

Well, me and Scarlett. Really?

Yes. You've kind of brought it with you anyway.

And you're staying in the B, aren't you?

That can't be much fun, so...

I'm actually sleeping at the car lot, Janine.

Go and get your stuff.

Please. It would really mean a lot to me.

Sure?

How can a man refuse that?

I'll tell you something else, that ain't her real colour hair.

Not any more. Do you reckon she's going to tell Mick?

What, and risk the fact that he'll come looking for us?

She's just a cow, she ain't changed at all.

Shirl, d'you fancy going to the cafe?

It's just that, whilst you were having that big row with Linda,

I sort of noticed all the raffle money lying around...

You never!

THEY GIGGLE

You all right, Shirl? Yeah!

You all right?

Yep. Thought I'd come and see the sexiest stallholder in Walford.

Winston's up there - why don't you go and see him, then?

Why are you not at work? I had a local drop-off,

so I thought I'd come down and see you.

And I got you a present. You got me a present? What is it?

Oh, it's a plant. It's not a plant, is it?!

It's mistletoe!

Thought we could hang it up round the house.

If you fancy grabbing my mum for a kiss.

No, but I fancy grabbing you! SHE SHRIEKS AND GIGGLES

CHEERING AND WHISTLES

Great.

You haven't got much stuff. No. Always travel light.

Look, what do you think? Yeah, lovely.

No, no, no, look closely.

What am I looking at? Up a bit.

Where? Towards the top.

Are they...?

Yeah, she left them to me.

I wish I'd been a better son to her.

I thought she'd always be here, you know...

It's so easy to take people for granted, Janine.

Do you think Scarlett misses Michael?

I know it's hard to tell because she's so young but...

..you must miss him?

What Alice did was...

..it was callous, it was cruel.

Well, I really don't want to talk about him, so...

Your turn. OK.

I didn't mean to upset you, Janine.

I'm sorry, I really am.

Do you want me to go?

If you do, I understand. I mean, I've just...

I've just ruined everything these last few days. Carol, now you.

Stay.

I want you here.

Are you sure?

Yes. Let's just forget it.

Thank you.

It means a lot to me, us being together.

You know, you're not on your own any more.

How about we go in there and toast Pat a few times

and all those wonderful Christmas dinners that she cremated?!

Yeah, I'd like that.

I'd like that very much.

All the best for the future.

Did you see that?

It's like the last few years have meant nothing to him.

Still recovering from last night?

I think you should wear that sexy Santa outfit more often.

Don't flatter yourself.

Eh, come on. What's put a smile on your face then, eh?

It's Christmas. I don't need a reason to be happy.

Yeah, I know, Kat, but...

but we're losing our home here, aren't we?

What happened to a new start? Yeah, I know, sweetheart, but we've been here for so long,

what if we're not the same once we're out of here?