25/07/2014 EastEnders Omnibus

< Better get a move on, Ian. You'll be late for work.

< Shabnam's already opened up and I'm exhausted.

I think I'm more tired now than when I went to bed.

What was wrong with you last night...?

Darling, are you all right?

Look, you don't want to pay any attention to what they've got to say.

-So you haven't told her, then?

-I tried.

-Not hard enough!

-Please, Patrick. Just give me a little bit more time.

-You had your chance, Ian.

-Patrick...

"Recent enquiries have produced fresh leads, which we are now

"actively pursuing, said Detective Inspector Samantha Keeble."

Well, we'll see, won't we? Good day to you all. Patrick.

New leads? Sounds promising.

Nah. It's cop-speak for "I ain't got a clue," innit?

Mo!

What?! I say it as I see it.

-I'm sure it's a matter of time, isn't it?

-I wouldn't count on it.

Patrick...

Sorry, did you want something?

I'll go and make myself useful out back.

There is something...

Sorry, not interrupting anything, am I?

I saw these on Pam's stall and I thought you deserved a treat.

Have you taken something, dear?

No. Me and Patrick were outside talking about the wedding

and I got excited.

Patrick realises how important this is to both of us.

I should go and put these in water, really, shouldn't I?

Have you no shame?! What the devil was that all about?

-Please... Patrick...

-Have you any idea what this is going to do to her?

All the more reason why we should keep it to ourselves.

Please, I'm just asking you, just give me a chance to explain.

He can't even look at me.

He'll come round, you know, when things get back to normal.

I'll drop him off and I'll pick this up on the way back, yeah?

Unless you want to do it?

Sharon, you've got to go out some time.

You think I don't want to? I can't.

Dennis? You've got ten seconds to get in here,

otherwise I'll take your console to the charity shop.

Right, let's get going.

I'll pick up your prescription on the way back.

Thanks.

Bye.

-A dominoes match?

-Yeah. Knockout competition. Five quid to enter, winner takes all.

-Morning, all!

-Aunt Babe!

Look what the cat's brought in. What's she doing here?

I've come to make myself useful while Mick's over at Elaine's.

We're not all useless, idle lumps. Is Tina about?

She's in the caff today.

Oh, right. That lady in Maldon definitely wants the last pup.

And then Lady Di can come home?

Oooh, I'll have all my babies with me again!

Yeah. What about my dominoes match?

I might get a crowd from my old boozer to come over.

Better lock up your jewellery, then. Bigger bunch of crooks and jailbirds, you've never seen.

You keep out of this.

Come on, Linda, it's just what you need for your Monday night trade.

You're not filling my pub with the dregs of Canning Town.

One's plenty. The answer's no.

SHE LAUGHS

LAUGHTER

Sienna Parker's dad's taking them to Disneyland for their holiday.

-Why can't we go?

-Cos it costs an arm and a leg. Anyway, when the Inland Revenue catches up with him,

his life'll be one long holiday.

You all right?

Oh. It's Monday...

I was....I was trying to talk to Lucy

about a problem she was having.

Erm, Peter came in and he overheard me say something which...

..upset them both and...

I just needed to get away.

And you just happened to bump into Rainie. Is that it?

My head was all over the place.

I didn't know what I was doing...

It was...just a stupid mistake.

You got that right.

I love Denise.

How the devil can you say that, Ian?!

If you loved her, you wouldn't even think about going near that,

that...woman.

My Denise is worth ten of you. You know that?

I know. And I'm sorry.

You have no idea at all what she's sacrificed to be here, you know,

-do you?

-How do you mean?

That girl has been a rock to you.

Most people would have scampered at the first opportunity.

-I know that. I know.

-She's spent months nursing you and your family back to health.

Not a moment's thought for herself, you know.

And this is how you repay her?!

I tell you, if I was a younger man, I would take you out right here, right now.

-What's a double "mascotomy"?

-Mastectomy, dummy!

Nan's got to have her, y'know... taken away.

How long are you going to be in hospital?

-About four days.

-We'll be able to come and visit you, though?

Course we will. She's going to need regular gossip magazines and chocolate, ain't she?

It's a big operation and I'm not going to be able to do anything for a long time afterwards.

You lot are going to be late for school. So can we please go?

There's so much to organise.

I mean, this house doesn't run by itself.

And the bailiffs? What about them? Those debts aren't going to go anywhere...

I've got to cancel this. There's a number on this letter somewhere...

No, you don't!

You've seen Denise. She's happy. She's excited about the wedding.

Do you really want to take that away from her?

Don't you dare put that on me!

It was one stupid mistake. OK? Can't we just forget about it?

And what about Rainie?

I've sorted it.

That girl is a loose cannon.

I found her on your doorstep, remember?

And I've dealt with it.

You dealt with her...how?

You've paid her?

HE SCOFFS

And when that money runs out? What happens then, eh?

I'll give you till seven o'clock.

And if you don't tell Denise, I will. You hear me?

Patrick. Look, I know I shouldn't, but do you want to take these now?

No. Just put them through my door, like you're supposed to.

What you doing? Picking winners?

Ah, if only. Nah, these are the dead certs I'm interested in.

-The obituaries? Bit morbid, innit?

-I'm checking the competition.

Cut-throat business, the funeral game.

-You got your arrangements in place?

-Me? No. Should I have?

Oooh, best to be prepared!

You never know what's around the corner!

-So when did you get back?

-Last night.

As soon as Uncle Darius got the all-clear from the doc, I was on the first train back quick fast.

Hey!

-What was that for?

-I just been paid for all the overtime I was owed.

-460 quid.

-Yay!

Why are you two so loved-up?

We just got enough money for our first trip down the baby clinic.

You two having a baby?

Mmm. Got a problem with that?

Me?! No, no, no. I was just wondering, you know, who gets to choose...

That would be me.

Nice. OK. Well, ladies, if you ever need a donation of any kind,

you know where to find me. Right?

We're still a couple of hundred quid short.

How's my favourite niece?

Aunt Babe... This is Tosh. You remember me talking to you about her?

-Of course I do.

-I've heard a lot about you.

Then you'll know I'm very protective of my family.

-I think you two are going to be the best of friends.

-I'm sure we will.

Right, OK... I'm just going to go and change out of these.

-It was nice meeting you.

-You can call me Aunt Babe.

For now, at least.

Gorgeous, ain't she?

I'm sure she has a certain charm.

I'll have a bit more business for you in the next day or so.

Fresh crop. All right?

Love you, Aunt Babe!

40 minutes I had to wait for these.

I got you some water.

I don't want 'em. You know what they did to me last time.

-Sharon, it's different this time.

-How?

I'm here, ain't I?

Come on.

-All right?

-Lee, I'm not in the mood.

Ain't you meant to be at work?

Yeah, I am, but my class is on an end of term trip.

Not that it's any of your business.

Maybe me and you could have our own little end of term treat later? What do you reckon?

Later? No. Sorry. I'm washing my hair.

And that takes all night, does it?

If something's worth doing, Lee, it's worth doing properly.

-Here's a bloke who fancies himself a bit of a player.

-What are you talking about?

Dominoes. Five quid to enter, winner takes all.

By winner, I mean...yours truly.

Not if I've got anything to do with it.

-Sorry. Busy.

-Now there's a surprise.

-What do you mean by that?

Patrick, you used to be fun. Now all you do is skulk around the Square

with the weight of the world on your shoulders. Lighten up!

Yeah, she's right. You're a long time dead.

Let's say your place, six o'clock.

And crack a smile, will you?

Yeah, it's me. Listen, I need to see you.

You know why.

Half past 11, Walford Park. All right?

-Hiya.

-Hiya.

-Do you want a coffee or something?

Er, no...nil by mouth. Ramadan.

Still, there's only four days and a few hours to go before Eid.

Not that I'm counting the hours...

You temptress!

SHE CHUCKLES

Hey. I, er, delivered the post through the letter box, like you asked.

It was only junk mail.

Patrick, are you all right? Cos you don't seem to be quite...

For heaven's sake! Can't a man just have his coffee in peace, now?

Oh! I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Tina...

It's all right, it's all right. Don't worry.

Are you all right, Patrick?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm OK.

Old age, you know, you know how it is. Tina, I'm sorry.

TV ON

BANGING AT DOOR

Who is it?

< It's me!

This isn't a great time.

I'm not feeling too good at the moment.

I've not seen you in ages. Come on. You and me are hitting the sales.

Sharon...?

Today's not a good day, Linda. OK?

I can... I can see that.

Right. Well, let's get started on these dishes, shall we?

Don't just stand there gawping. Those plates need clearing.

Once we've sorted this lot out, we can have a root through that wardrobe of yours.

Pick you out something nice to wear. How does that sound?

Oh, Sharon...

It's all right. It's all right.

We haven't even talked money yet!

I'm not that kind of girl that does it outside.

What the hell do you think you're doing, telling Patrick?

You're hurting me, Ian.

Have you got any idea what you've done?

Look at you. You're a dirty little skank.

I was good enough for you, though, weren't I?

Denise deserves to know what her precious fiance's been up to.

SHE CHUCKLES

Patrick's told her.

That means there's no more money for you. Do you understand?

And I don't want you anywhere near the Square. Is that clear?

I don't believe you.

Don't push me, Rainie.

You've got no idea what I'm capable of.

No idea.

You can't let them thugs make you a prisoner in your own home.

It's not just what happened in The Albert.

Can I ask you something, Linda?

Course. Anything.

Have you ever hit your kids?

Is this about Dennis?

He did something he shouldn't have and I...

I saw red and I grabbed him and I shook him.

I feel so ashamed.

One night, years ago, Mick was away somewhere. Lee was, what, five?

It took me three renditions of I Dreamed A Dream to get him off.

Anyway, I was putting Johnny down and Nancy started.

She wanted something - can't even remember what it was - anyway,

I said no and she started screaming her head off.

Lee woke up, and Johnny started crying and...

..I can still see the mark my hand left on her little leg.

You hit her?

We ain't saints, Sharon. We're mums.

Look, why don't you get dressed and we'll go for a walk?

Bit of fresh air, sunshine. Soon sort you out.

-Do more good than them pills.

-You think I don't know that?

Then why are you taking them?

Because Phil thinks it's for the best.

And what do you think?

Don't get me wrong. He's been brilliant.

But...I know what they can do.

And I can't go back.

Oh, Sharon.

D'you know what I think?

You've gotta do what's best for you and Denny,

and screw everyone else.

This is your life, Sharon.

-Mum?

-I'm in here.

I thought you was at work today?

I'm on nights this week. I did tell you that.

Oh, sorry. Did you?

So, what's all this about cancelling the op?

I just... I need time to sort everything out.

Mum, come on, you know this has got to be done as quickly as possible.

Yeah. That's what I said.

You've spent your life running round after us, now it's our turn.

Yeah, let the lunatics run the asylum for a bit.

Shopping, cleaning, washing, a sink that doesn't empty properly.

A toilet that needs flushing twice.

Packed lunch, laundry, turning off lights.

That's my life.

No. They're the details of your life.

Your life is far more precious than that.

-Which is why you're going to go to that hospital on Monday.

-Even if we have to drag you there.

Mum, we'll survive here. We'll be fine.

More importantly, so will you.

-Oi, oi!

-Why do you do that all the time?

Was it part of your army training or something?

Yeah. Black ops. Here, look, I've got something for you.

Two-in-one. Shampoo and conditioner.

So it don't take you all night to wash that lovely hair of yours,

and that way you can see me later.

This is anti-dandruff shampoo.

What are you saying - I've got dandruff or something?

No. No, I didn't mean... I was only joking.

I know that, Stan, but what do I get for this?

The honour of competing against one of Canning Town's finest.

Don't I even get a drink?

Of course you do, as long as you bring your own.

Dominoes? Dominoes anybody?

Anti-dandruff, are you kidding?

Yeah, I swear. You should have seen his face when he realised.

-What a muppet.

-I think it's really sweet.

-You should give him another chance.

-Yeah, he should be so lucky.

-Is that Mum in?

-What're you still doing here?

-Sit down, Nan.

-I've got to get the dinner on.

-I think you'll find that's in hand.

Yeah. You can sit down and take the weight off your sling-backs.

This is going to be the best chilli con carne you've ever had.

With a bit of luck and a following wind.

-The wind comes later.

-Do you want a cup of tea, Nan?

-Yeah, I'd love one.

-I'll make it.

-What are you two doing?

-We're doing the laundry.

There's whites, coloureds. Lightly soiled...

-Morgan's pants.

-Oi!

I'm doing a rota on this spreadsheet.

See, this column's all the jobs, washing-up, cleaning.

This one's all the names. Coloured-coded too.

-I'm green.

-Yeah, you will be after you've ate Sonia's dinner.

See, told you it'd all be all right.

DOOR CLOSES

Is that you, Denny?

-Where's Phil?

-He had to go to the Arches.

-I'm sorry, Mum.

-Come here!

You've got nothing to be sorry for. Do you hear me?

Tell me, Patrick. Have you given any thought to your old age?

I'm sorry?

My job is simply to take that worry away from you.

This is where I used to live, Stan. Until Patrick chucked me out.

Shame this ain't still a B&B.

Fat Elvis knows a few Polish boys just crying out for a room.

Let the girls charge by the hour, did you?

-What're you talking about?

-I know what goes on in these B&Bs.

-Don't pretend you didn't turn a blind eye.

-What did you just say?

You'll have to forgive Patrick, Stan.

He's got a bit prudish in his old age.

You know, you have no idea at all...

What?

Come on. Spit it out.

Let's just get on with the game, shall we?

Oh. You off somewhere?

I thought we could go to Oxford to see Libby.

I was just going to put this in the car.

Thought you two can plan the wedding together,

and I can sit down and do a bit of paperwork...

OK, Ian. Ian. Stop.

I know exactly why you want to get away.

And do you know what? I don't blame you.

Sorry, when exactly did you speak to Libby?

Uh... I haven't spoken to her yet.

Well, she's gonna be busy with work anyway.

So we can always go tomorrow...

No, no. I just really need to get away from this place,

just for a couple of days.

I've asked Shabnam. She said she'd cover you in the shop.

All right, Ian! Let me grab a shower first, though?

Of course, there was one girl caught touting her wares.

-Ain't that right, Patrick?

-I knew it!

Patrick claimed he didn't know anything about it.

Yeah! Likely story!

Look at him, sat there like butter wouldn't melt.

When all along he was Walford's answer to Cynthia Payne!

You think this is funny?

I do, as it happens.

How is Rainie?

-What's Rainie got to do with anything?

-Forget it.

Not until you tell me what you're getting at.

Dominoes originated in China, you know.

Although, some scholars suggest

the game goes back as far as the Egyptians.

Is this all part of your plan, eh? Bore me to death?

I'll have you know Rainie's getting her life together.

-Is that right?

-Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is.

She's got a flat-share over in North London.

I'm pleased to hear that.

What are you raking up all this again for?

Look, let's forget I ever mentioned it. All right?

I don't know what's happened to you lately, Patrick. But this...

..I don't like it one bit.

There you go, sweetheart.

You're looking better.

I told you those pills would do the job, didn't I?

-So, say if I was to croak it next week...

-Heaven forbid.

How much is it gonna cost?

Are we talking an understated affair or something more opulent?

I don't give a monkey's. I'll be brown bread.

Give or take 4,000, I'd say.

Flamin' vultures, the lot of you!

Four grand for a wooden box and a six-foot hole?!

When my time's up, you can stick me out with the bins!

-That can be arranged.

-Four grand?!

I tell you what, Mo, we'll have a whip round, shall we?

Yeah. I could put a jar on the bar.

That's community spirit. Patrick?

Hmm? Oh, sorry.

Don't worry, Patrick. I ain't going nowhere.

Oh, bravo!

Where was you hiding that one? Down your trousers?

What's the matter, Patrick? Would you rather be somewhere else?

Sharon said you came round ours this afternoon?

Yeah. I hadn't seen her for weeks. I was worried.

Well, must have done some good. Cos she's a lot brighter.

-Thanks.

-You all right, girls?

Couple of large white wines, please, Linda.

Where's Dad?

He's over at Patrick's playing dominoes.

With any luck, that's him gone for the night.

-I think this calls for a bit of happy hardcore, don't you?

-Yeah!

Are you two celebrating?

We've almost got enough for our first appointment at the clinic.

Especially now you've agreed to lend us the extra money.

I've done no such thing. Tina? What's this?

You know, what we was talking about in the cafe earlier.

-Oh, that money.

-Teen?

-You sure you're both ready?

-Why d'you say that?

From what Shirley says, you two have got a few issues to resolve first.

Me and T are fine.

That girl means the world to me.

If you so much as hurt a hair on her head, you'll have me to answer to.

-Is that understood?

-You all right?

I was just asking Tosh if she'd like one of my home-made eclairs.

I'll go and plate a few up, shall I?

Can't be much fun. Rattling around this place on your own.

Just give it a rest now, woman.

I was just saying, me and you could make some serious cash here.

She's got a point.

Especially since your daughter's been living with that Beale fella.

She ain't his daughter.

Well, she's as good as. Ain't that right, Patrick?

Come on, it's your turn, Les.

He ain't even playing. He's only here touting for business.

I just think it's time you thought about your future, Maureen.

None of us are getting any younger, you know.

I've got at least 30 years left in me, I'll have you know.

Heaven forbid.

Fat Elvis says I've got the body of a woman half my age.

How's his cataracts?

Hey! Watch it!

-Where're you going?

-Out!

Go on, go. We'll have more fun without you.

Hungry?

All day I've been dreaming about swimming in a sea of cake.

-Don't, it's disrespectful.

-Ian.

Libby? It's Mum. You'll never guess where we're going.

Be fun, won't it?

Ian? Denise!

Denise!

ALL LAUGH

Denise, call me as soon as you pick up this message.

I've got something very, very important to tell you. Call me soon.

Patrick? You OK?

Get an ambulance!

Patrick? Patrick!

All right, Patrick. All right.

Shhh. It's all right, old son. It's OK.

It's all right, Patrick. Just lie there, you'll be all right.

It's all right. Don't try and talk. It's OK, it's OK.

It's all right, Patrick. The ambulance is on its way.

Just lie there.

-How long's that been there?

-Is it a problem?

No. I'd better forward these on to Bobby.

This is weird. Come here, have a listen to this.

Denise, call me as soon as you pick up this message.

I've got something very, very important to tell you.

When was that?

About half an hour before we got that call to turn back round.

I wonder what all that's about?

PHONE RINGS

-Two guesses who that is.

-Yeah, I'll get my coffee.

-Can you see me?

-Yes, I can see you.

My name is Femi-onoko-bruuhruh-clook-coco.

Thank you. I got your text.

It'd better be good cos I ain't been to bed yet.

What time is it over there?

It's just after three in the afternoon.

I wish it was afternoon here, mate.

-Then all of this would be over.

-What would?

Take all the cactus in Mexico. Turn all that cactus into tequila.

Pour that tequila down my throat.

Then dance till dawn, Salsa, Samba, Rumba, Conga.

All the ones that end in A basically,

one or two end in O. Bolero.

Feel peckish. Have a full English. Go back for seconds.

Realise that the second one was a mistake. Feel sick.

Want to lie down. Want to die.

So, Denise, anything you've got to tell me,

it can no way make me feel worse than what I feel right about now.

Believe me. So, go on! Fire away.

It's Patrick.

What about Patrick?

All we know is he's had a stroke and they're doing tests

so it's just fingers crossed.

Don't even think about it.

No, not you. What time are you back from the wholesaler's?

All right then.

All right, I'll see you later. Love you an' all.

-I tell you, if the stroke don't get him, the MRSA will.

-£1.80.

-What did you just say?

-That's a bit much, ain't it?

No, listen, I've spent half me life in the General.

It's like my second home.

I know how it was back then and I know how it is.

They give the cleaning contract to the lowest possible bidder

-and then wonder why the place is so filthy.

-Poor Denise.

Poor Patrick, you mean. Can't talk or barely move a finger.

One side of his face is all saggy.

It's always the women who end up as the carers, ain't it?

I thought he had a son.

Yeah. Kat knows all about that, don't you, Kat?

So, is Anthony coming down?

Certainly gave that impression last night.

But when I tried to phone him again this morning,

it just went straight to voicemail so I don't know what's going on.

Well, so how are you feeling now?

Oh, Kim, I'm that knackered, I don't know.

But the doctors were hopeful?

-They gave him something called...

-Thrombolysis.

"Thrombolysis"? ..but it didn't make much difference

so it's just a question of wait and see now.

Do they have any idea what brought it on?

Cora reckoned he'd been stressed out.

Stressed? What's he got to be stressed about?

Look, you text me the minute you get back from the hospital, all right?

-Course.

-And tell Pops that Kimmie loves him.

I will. Right, you go and get some sleep now.

Do you really think I'm going to get any sleep now?

Anyway, look, darling, I gotta go.

Cos Ian wants to get on the computer.

All right then. Well, love you, Sis.

Love you too, darling.

SHE SIGHS

Sorry about that, otherwise she'd have been on that thingy all day.

Look, we can't hang around for Anthony. We'd better just go.

How about I go and see him on my own?

What?

It's like you said - you're knackered.

Give you a chance to catch up on some sleep.

Ian, there is no way I'm not going to go and see Patrick.

He's the closest thing I've got to a dad.

How could I not? Now come on.

All ready for you. Ah, right money!

Thank you.

So did you go with him in the ambulance?

-Why would I do that?

-Well, hold his hand, maybe?

I'd have gotten in the way.

I bet Mrs Branning was upset. What with Mr Branning and everything.

They've caught it early. That's the main thing.

You're an expert now, are you?

Well, I have been a hospital social worker.

This has really got to you, hasn't it, Cora?

I need to get back to work.

I'll see you at Fat Blasters.

And who's going to be washing that up?

Them pills must be kicking in.

Maybe you could pick Dennis up from school yourself today.

Not till I'm ready.

And certainly not with my hair like this.

What's wrong with your hair?

Trust you. I'm not even going to have this conversation.

Right, I'll take Dennis straight to swimming then, yeah?

Linda. Why don't you save all this backwards and forwards

and just move in?

Oh, take no notice. You get used to it.

Before you ask, I've ditched the pills.

Really? And how are you and Dennis getting on?

-Yeah, we're much better.

-Good!

Right, listen, you can say no if you want to,

but I'm going to this Fat Blasters meeting later on...

-You're not fat.

-Oh, that's nothing to do with it.

Just a bunch of women moaning about men.

It'll help get you out of yourself.

I'm sorry, Linda, but my hair's a mess.

-I'm really not...

-You look great.

Oh, don't do a Phil on me. I know what it looks like.

Nobody will even notice. They're all very, you know, supportive.

-Well, I'll see, OK?

-Community Centre, 4.00.

-Be great if you did come.

-Bye.

-Bye.

That's a tenner, please, darling.

Kat, you seen Bianca?

Yeah, she's in the cafe.

Cheers. See you later.

That's her now. Just gone into the cafe.

Life is short, boy. Cram it all in while you can.

While there's still time.

Gets it all from me, of course.

The boyish charm, the sexual charisma, matinee idol good looks.

He'll have to learn to cope with it, like I did.

What's the matter, lad? Not jealous of him, are you?

That would be - how shall I put it? -

a bit perverse, wouldn't it?

It's just Tiff's doing my head in

about this stupid dress for the leavers' do. Any ideas?

-She's 11 years old, Whit.

-Going on 25.

So what's wrong with the dress she's got now?

Oh, don't, I've already had that conversation.

-Well, take no notice of her, Whit. I'll sort her out later.

-OK.

-Hair's looking lovely today.

-You frightened me.

Not a speck of dandruff.

Got some good stuff for athlete's foot indoors. Wart remover?

-Maybe a bit of acne cream?

-Lee, did you want something?

Yeah. Another chance?

What do you think that voicemail was all about?

I don't know, maybe he was already feeling ill

and wanted to let you know.

Yeah, but who goes about leaving voicemails when they're having a stroke?

I'll never get used to coming to this place.

Gives me the creeps.

Ian...

What?

Patrick.

Patrick? What you doing?

Excuse me!

Excuse me, why has this man been left

all by himself in the middle of a corridor?

That's a bargain for 20 quid, that.

Can you take over for us?

-No-one was sure if you were coming.

-For my own dad?

-Nice suit.

-Nice bump.

If you're looking for Denise, you're too late.

Her and Ian left for the hospital a half hour ago.

Guess I'd better get there then.

-How are you feeling?

-Weird. Really weird.

-You want to talk?

-I haven't got time.

It's not like he's going anywhere, is it?

You are outrageous.

-Blimey.

-What?

I'll tell you when we get inside.

-So?

-1-0. Straight in the back of the net.

Honestly, I astonish myself sometimes.

Now, this is the old me, this is the unhealthy me.

This is the two-sugars-in-me-tea me.

This is the exercise-is-for-idiots me.

-Now, does she look happy?

-No.

But neither would I if I got run over by a steam roller.

Talk amongst yourselves. I'll be a couple of minutes, all right.

Oh, and I tell you, Linda, he looked a proper gentleman.

Does a proper gentleman go and have it away with your own daughter?

-What?

-It's true, I'm telling you.

So how's she going to feel about seeing him again?

Well, I don't know.

-You not joining us, Cora?

-I'm all right.

I think Patrick's stroke has really got to her.

Not as much as it's got to him.

She was really off with me when I asked about him earlier.

There's no love lost there, is there?

He chucked her out of his house, didn't he?

I think that's a bit unfair.

Or maybe it's all been brought home to her.

I mean, none of us are getting any younger.

You speak for yourself.

I started going backwards when I hit 70.

-Right, are we all here?

-Sharon said she might come.

Oh, well, Linda, it's five past. If she comes, she comes.

Now, who's going to be brave

and be the first person to step on my scales?

Come on. Don't be like that.

We're all here to support each other. There's no judgment.

-Cora, what about you?

-No chance.

-Linda?

-Oh, hang on a sec.

I thought people came here to lose weight, not put it on.

TV CHATTERS

MOBILE CHIMES

So when are they due?

Middle of next month.

-Good luck. You'll need it with twins.

-Yeah.

Our youngest is two and a half and still a right handful.

All right, here's the challenge - your toddler versus my toddler

and the parent that's still sane at the end is the winner.

-People do get better, you know.

-Your mum didn't.

Maybe she wasn't much of a fighter, but Patrick is.

He'll pull through. You'll see.

Thing is I've already spoken to the A & E consultant on the phone.

-And?

-He wasn't very encouraging.

What am I going to do, Kat?

It's not like I didn't realise

something like this would happen one day, but...

still doesn't prepare you for it.

I'd better go.

Will I see you again?

Well, obviously I can't take him with me now. So probably, yeah.

-We can have a proper catch-up.

-That would be good.

So how's Zoe?

-It's all right, you don't have to.

-Don't I?

Sometimes it feels like my whole life is ruled by guilt.

That means you care. That's why you're a doctor.

I should start a support group. Guiltydoctors.org.

It's really good to see you, Anthony.

You too.

-Send my love to your dad, yeah?

-I will.

Tasty. I'd keep him warm at night.

What did I say?

When we get back home, I'm writing a letter to the boss of this place.

You heard what the nurse said.

They were just waiting for a bed for him.

Whose side are you on?

The point is, he didn't come to any harm.

-And where the hell is Anthony?

-I know you're angry, all right.

But don't take it out on everybody else.

And since when did you turn into Mr Reasonable?

Do you know what, we could be here like this for hours.

We could always go and come back later?

I mean, I have got the restaurant to open

and it's not as if we're doing any good here, is it?

Yeah...maybe.

Kim sends you her love. And I love you too.

All right.

-What?

-Look.

You don't have to book a table here.

-Just turn up and it should be fine.

-It's just I wanted somewhere quiet.

Like a nice little place in the corner, away from the door.

-Oh, yeah? Who's the lucky lady?

-None of your business.

Oh, come on, you might as well tell me.

I'm going to see anyway.

All right. It's Whitney.

Listen, Lee, if you muck her about...

I really, really like her.

Come on, you think I'd go to all this trouble if I didn't?

-OK.

-All right then. I'll see you later.

Oh, and a nice bottle of bubbly on ice if you can?

What sort of place do you think this is?

-Like this.

-Like your mum?

No, the other one.

Tiffany, the one I was named after.

Yeah, well, she was an adult. You're a child.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

You're a dark horse, ain't ya?

Sorry? What?

-Don't act like you don't know.

-What?

Er, you and Lee and your romantic dinner for two!

How did he talk you round?

I felt sorry for him.

I didn't think he wanted to take me out to dinner.

Oh, yeah. Here at the restaurant. He asked to book a table.

Are you joking?

No. He seems desperate to make it up to you, Whit.

Thought it was going to be a pie in the pub or something.

Think again. Best knickers for you tonight.

Say again? What was that?

I think he said "Denise". Did you hear him say Denise?

I dunno.

You're in hospital, Patrick. I'm sorry, darling. You've had a stroke.

But you're going to be all right. Do you hear me?

PATRICK GROANS

Yeah, that's right! That was definitely Denise.

And look who's here as well. See?

Come on, Patrick. You must recognise him.

No.

Yeah, yeah, you do, you do. Look harder.

You're putting him under an awful lot of pressure. Just leave him.

It can't be doing him any good.

Oh, Anthony, thank God you're here.

I got the first flight that I could. How's he doing?

Dad?

Yeah, he's only just come round. He's been trying to talk.

He did that before. I think he's trying to smile.

-Dad?

-Paul?

OK...

I think we'll just leave you to it for a few minutes, yeah?

Right, so you all know what you're doing? All right. You've got your food plans.

Anyone that didn't pay your subs, I'll be chasing you up.

I'll see next week.

Right, who's for the pub? Cora?

Yeah, I could do with a drink.

-How about you, Pam?

-Don't see why not.

Can I just remind you

if you are going to the pub, you've got targets to meet.

You're doing really well. Don't throw it all away.

What about you, Linda?

No, I've got some things to do. Mick'll look after you.

-Please?

-No.

Tiffany, you're 11 years old, babe.

Yeah, and I've seen pictures of you when you were 11.

What's the big rush?

You've got plenty of time to think about boys and that.

-Who said anything about boys?

-So why do you want to dress like that?

Cos everyone else will.

Put the dress on so I can pin you in it, please.

No way.

Tiff, your nan is going into hospital on Monday

and you're sitting there behaving like a spoilt little brat.

-So put this dress on right now!

-Make me.

Hey, hey! What's the problem?

You deal with it, because I can't.

KNOCKING AT THE DOOR

-Who is it?

-Only me.

Are you on your own?

-Yeah, why?

-Good.

No arguments. I'm going to sort your barnet out.

But first, stick the kettle on, and tell me everything you know

about Kat, her daughter and, um I forget his name - Patrick's son...

It's all right. Anthony's still here.

He's just outside with Ian.

He's going to be back in a minute.

-Cheers.

-He thinks I'm Paul.

He's just confused.

Is your dad still alive?

No. He died a long time ago.

Lucky you.

Sorry. That was a terrible thing to say.

Thing is, I didn't even know him till I was 30.

I know he is my dad. I know I call him Dad.

But I don't think of him as Dad.

Dads bring up their kids. That's what they do. It's their job.

I know what everyone says. "Patrick? Couldn't ask for a nicer guy."

Well, maybe.

But the fact is he walked out on my mother when I was just a baby.

She was the one that brought us up.

She's the one that juggled three jobs

and still managed somehow to get us to school on time.

Where was Patrick? Patrick wasn't there.

But you really couldn't meet a nicer bloke.

I shouldn't be dumping all this on you.

Not something I'd ever allow myself to say out loud as a rule.

I'm not judging you.

Then there's the kids. Family life is hectic enough.

You can't have forgotten what that's like.

Oh, sorry. I did know.

-And I haven't even mentioned it.

-It's OK.

-Here I am, rambling on about my own life...

-It's fine.

OK.

People say things when they're stressed

that they wouldn't normally say.

I know that better than most.

So...the kids?

I don't want to go on about it, but my eldest, Euan, has problems.

It's already put a severe strain on our marriage.

And now this on top. What would you do?

I can't...

No, I want to know. What would you do?

I hear what you're saying. OK? But the thing is, he's family.

And family's important. I mean, that's how I was brought up.

I can appreciate how it'd be hard for you...

You think I should take him back to Scotland?

I think you'd hate yourself if you didn't.

-Aren't you getting changed?

-I already have.

Oh. Sorry.

Just don't want to give him any ideas, that's all.

DOORBELL DINGS

Part of me wants to go and part of me can't forget.

Are we talking about Lucy now?

Everything. Does that sound stupid?

If you're not ready, you're not ready.

Right, that's it. I've sorted that out.

I've told Tiff if she don't wear that then she's not going.

DOORBELL DINGS

Do you want me to take care of him?

I could tell him you're helping Tiff with her dress, if you like?

Yeah.

What's the problem?

Oh, come here.

It's Lee, isn't it?

Um, sorry, she's not feeling too good

and she promised Tiff she'd help her with her party dress.

That's all right, I get the message.

It's never easy...

-Well?

-I can't pretend he wasn't upset.

I'm going to start to feel sorry for him at this rate.

What have I done?

THEY CHATTER

I don't know why I bother.

He's in the best possible place, I suppose.

Patrick is? So what was that earlier about MRSA?

I love the NHS. I owe them my life.

That's why I can't bear to see it go downhill.

-People are living longer.

-Sorry? What are you saying?

"More's the pity"? Bad for business, is it?

It's a victim of its own success, Mo.

Before the NHS, Patrick would probably be dead by now.

But as it is, he's not, he's alive. Which is good.

But they'll always be playing catch-up.

Why are we sitting out here? I'm cold.

Cora wanted to smoke.

Part of her fitness regime, no doubt.

Where is she then?

To Patrick, eh?

Patrick.

I thought you was going out.

-So will you be going to see him at all?

-Will you?

Well, he's more your friend than he is mine.

Yeah, yeah...but there's history.

So what happened to the hot date?

-Lee?

-I bet you're loving this, ain't you?

That ain't fair.

Well, I definitely would if you was in my shoes.

-Look, thing about Whit...

-Don't, Johnny, please, mate.

-She's had some bad luck with guys...

-Like I don't know about that already.

She's my mate and she's scared. Take it easy with her.

Yeah, well, it's a bit late for that now, innit?

It's too late.

You keep saying that but he only left two minutes ago.

-You can go after him, you know?

-No, I'll look an idiot.

I'll tell you what being an idiot is -

letting your pride get in the way of what you really want.

You like him, don't you? Well, don't you?

Well, go after him!

Or at least phone him.

Oh, I knew I should never've let Carol talk me out of it.

That's not what she said.

She said, you ask for support and she give it you!

Oh, I've had enough of this.

B, that is my phone. What are you doing?

-Are you busy tomorrow night?

-B, seriously now.

Well, you are now.

-You can't do things like that!

-Well, I just did.

You've put three kisses!

And the problem with that is?

What do you say?

-Thank you.

-I can't hear you. Little bit louder.

-Don't push it.

What?

I wish she'd make up her mind.

Whitney. She wants to meet me tomorrow instead.

HE LAUGHS

You've been gone a long time.

-Ian said you'd gone for a walk.

-Where is he?

He's getting us something to eat. He said you were upset.

Anyway, I've spoken to the nurse.

And, well, she said he's going to be confused for a while.

It'll take time.

Yeah, I know.

I'm not going to be able to do this, Denise.

Do what?

Look after him. Ian knows my reasons.

So who is?

I appreciate it'll cause some financial problems.

So I've brought you a cheque.

Please don't look at me like that.

Sorry, I understand you're upset,

but you haven't thought this through.

-Since your phone call last night, I've thought of nothing else.

-But he's your dad.

And more of one to you than he ever was to me.

I'm sorry. I know what you're thinking.

I'm thinking the same thing.

Anthony!

Hey. Sorry, Anthony had to go.

It's, um...a medical emergency.

One of his patients up in Scotland.

But he's ever so sorry, you know. He'll be back soon.

Sends his love. So, I'm going to look after you.

Yeah. For as long as it takes. All right?

PATRICK GROANS

Linda, did you bring a hair dryer or do you need to use mine?

I'm in here, Sharon.

I'm looking for grips. Where do you keep 'em?

What are you doing? You won't find nothing in there.

I ain't been up this early in ages.

I hope Tiff's going to appreciate this.

Yeah, course she will.

She takes me for granted, you know.

She's turning into a right little madam.

Remind you of someone?

Thanks.

Listen, Tiff knows that she's lucky to have a mum like you.

Well, I've learnt from the best.

I remember me and my mum making you a costume for your

school's fancy dress. You insisted on going as a bunch of grapes.

Oh, yeah!

So we blew up all these green balloons and sewed them on

to your T-shirt. By the time you got to school they'd all popped

or deflated, so you just had a load of saggy balloons hanging off you.

Yeah, that was the worst fancy dress costume ever.

I had a proper tantrum.

Oh, and you wonder where Tiff gets it from.

It will be all right, the operation, won't it?

Yeah, course it will.

You know, it will be over before we know it.

Brownies? I thought you was bringing more weed?

-It's time we started being more subtle.

-Yeah, but we won't make

-half the profit!

-If you carry on selling that much cannabis

out of the caff, someone's going to notice.

This is the perfect way to keep under the radar.

Or we could put the whole thing on hold for a bit, let it cool down.

No, no, no. We need another couple of hundred

for the fertility treatment.

I'm sorry you're short of cash. But I can't put the business at risk.

I suppose they'll sell quite quickly.

But remember to keep your eye on the ball.

Or we'll both end up down Holloway.

Caged up with a load of women for a few nights. Communal showers.

Can't be that bad.

I need...!

I need to know you're taking this seriously.

No! I am! I am, Babe, all right? Chill out, I've got it covered.

You're up early.

I ain't been to sleep.

Your....your snoring kept me up all night.

I'm sorry.

Come here. Let me help you relax.

I'm not in the mood.

MOBILE RINGS

Who was that?

Just Sharon.

You two didn't have a barney last night, did you?

Well, whatever it is, I'll help you sort it.

She needs help.

What do you mean?

She...she won't take her medication.

I didn't know she was on any.

It's to help her with her anxiety.

So, why ain't she taking them?

Apparently, she's had problems in the past, you know, with pills.

Well, she's got Phil.

He'll help her through it.

Oh, what? They ain't having murders, are they?

No, but she's lying to him. He thinks she's on the mend.

KNOCK ON DOOR

What?!

Morning!

-I take it all this is for Whitney?

-Maybe.

-A bit early, ain't it, to be tarting yourself up?

-Yeah,

she'll be off to work, won't she?

-Yeah, but I figured she'd rather spend the day with me.

-Oi!

Go easy on that bit of squirt,

-you'll start smelling like a real man.

-Have fun!

Well, if you're that worried about her,

you know, I can hold the fort here, it's fine.

She can't even leave the house. She's terrified.

Well, just go round there, then,

you know, sounds like she really needs a pal wrapped round her.

It's going cold.

I don't feel too great this morning.

So, you looking forward to the last day of term?

Can you take me to school today, Mum?

Erm, no, darling. Phil's going to drop you off.

-But all the other mums will be there.

-Well...

It's all right, mate. It's just, your mum's not feeling too good.

She doesn't look like she's sick.

Well, you know, sometimes you're unwell

and you just don't show it on the outside.

Where's my dress? We're going to be late.

Oi! Me and your nan have been slaving over that all morning.

Yeah, don't be so selfish.

You're just jealous cos I get to leave primary school and you don't.

All done.

It's amazing!

See. All that fuss for nothing.

-It's beautiful.

-There wasn't much in the fridge so I've had to improvise.

-I'm sorry.

-I just hope you like cheese and Monster Munch sandwiches.

I totally forgot about their lunch.

-You're turning into the real man of the house, you are.

-Come on,

-you ready, you lot?

-Yeah, come on, get a move on now.

Listen, have a great time at the disco.

Don't worry, Nan, I will.

DOORBELL

All right?

Go on, I'll catch you up.

You stink!

Give it a few years, little man,

-you'll be smothering yourself in the stuff.

-Girls are horrible!

-Yeah, just you wait.

-What are you doing here?

-I thought we were meeting up later?

-I thought you might want to

skive off work. You've got a half day, ain't you?

Well, work is actually important to me. And it's more important

-than a date with you.

-Well, then, meet me in the park after lunch.

-Might have plans.

-I'll make it worth your while.

Oh, did you get a good earful, did you?

-Bit hard on him, weren't you?

-Playing hard to get, ain't I?

-Yeah, treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.

-What, you taking relationship advice from her?

Oi, you ain't exactly had the best track record, have you?

Listen, if you like this boy, you should just go for it. Life's too short to play games.

Oh, no!

Oh, what now?

I was meant to bring some cake in for the leavers' disco.

Why didn't you mention something earlier?

I told Mum but she must have forgot.

She's proper stressed out about Nan's operation.

Well, look, there's nothing we can do now. We're late as it is.

But everyone else is going to bring something in!

Today was meant to be perfect and now it's all ruined.

Did you really fall for that?

Right, look, you two keep walking, yeah?

I'll catch up in a minute.

'Hi, this is Anthony. Please leave a message after the beep.'

Anthony this is Denise. Again.

Look, I...I know it was...

It's quite a shock, seeing your dad like that, but...

I know he didn't recognise you,

but he does really want to see you again.

Anyway, you just, give me a call when you can.

Give me one minute, OK?

CHATTER

Mum always lets me have chocolate and crisps on the last day of term.

Oh, is that right, is it?

Ooh, look at you doing the school run. Sharon's a lucky girl.

Take them to the till before I change my mind.

I don't want any aggravation, Shirley.

I'm just having a conversation.

Denny's a lucky boy having you taking him to school.

Seeing that his mum's too scared to leave the house.

Is he allowed to buy all this rubbish?

If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it.

You're the one that's going to have an obese child.

-Sharon's on the mend, not that it's anything to do with you.

-I'll believe that when I see it.

The doctor's been round, gave her something for her nerves.

She'll be out of the house in no time.

All right, mate?

Tiff!

-Oh, I love brownies!

-So do I. That's so unfair!

-If I give you one, will you stop whining?

-Oi, oi, no.

Don't eat any of them until the disco. Or I'll take them back.

Toothpaste, shampoo, baby wipes...

Newspapers. Do you think there's anything else I'm going to need?

-Booze. That's what I'd want if I was in hospital.

-How's he doing?

Oh, well, you know, he's been able to say a few words.

And he was able to squeeze my hand

-which the doctors think is a really good sign.

-Well, that's great!

Yeah, but it's going to be a long while before he recovers.

-So we'll just have to wait and see, really.

-I heard that

his son's back in Walford. That must be a relief for him.

-You could say that.

-Don't worry about this place.

-I've got it covered.

-Let me know if there's anything you need.

Yeah, well, Patrick's made of strong stuff, you know?

It won't be long before he's back propping that bar up again.

I'll be over in a minute.

Oh, Kat. that's disgusting. you're turning into Mo.

I woke up this morning and they was all I could think about.

Can't you stay for a minute? Any news on Patrick?

No, I ain't heard nothing.

Well, at least now Anthony's back, Denise ain't on her own.

How's your mum doing?

She's going in for her surgery on Monday.

I didn't realise it was so soon.

-She'll be fine.

-It's a big operation, though.

These doctors know what they're doing.

They've done it hundreds of times.

I know. I just don't know what I'd do if, you know...

She ain't going anywhere.

Why don't you spend some time with her and I'll cover on the stall?

-I can't. Anyway, she's working.

-Make her take the day off.

Go and get a bottle from the Minute Mart or something.

-How would I do that? I'm skint.

-I'm sure you can scrape

something together. Where there's a will, there's a way.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-It's only me.

Can I come in?

I tried to call.

Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. We've had a lot on at the Vic.

Well, I thought I'd... I'd scared you off.

-Well, it's not me I'm worried about.

-I'm fine.

Really?

Cos none of my other mates keep a gun beside their bed.

Where did it even come from?

I found it in the kitchen the other week.

I think it's Ronnie's.

Ronnie's?!

-Does Phil know you've got it?

-No.

How many secrets have you got from each other?

We can't all be like you and Mick.

Have you told him about the gun?

No. I wanted to, believe me.

It don't feel right not telling him,

but I don't want him mixed up in all this.

Linda, I'd never use it. It just makes me feel safe.

-Those men aren't coming back.

-Look, it's dangerous around here.

-Look what happened to Lucy.

-Phil would never let anyone hurt you.

Phil's been amazing. But he's...he's not around all the time.

But if someone did break in and you pulled a gun on them,

how can you be sure they wouldn't turn it on you?

And what if Denny found it?

You know I told you I lost it with him?

Yeah.

He tried to go through my drawers last week.

If you really care about Denny's safety, you can't keep a gun within a mile of this house.

You know, I put my son's life in danger because I'm...

I'm terrified of getting beaten up again.

I'm a terrible mum.

You lost something?

Er... My ring.

What does it look like?

Don't worry about it. It'll turn up.

Oh, come on, that's too early, even for you.

Kat's looking after the stall so we can spend a bit of time together.

I can't darling, I'm working.

It'll be fine. It's hardly heaving in here, is it?

What about Ian?

-I'll say you got a hospital appointment.

-No, no.

-I'm not going to lie to him.

-Oh, come on, Mum. I mean,

you can either spend the day slaving away for Ian,

or we can hang out together and share a bottle of non-alcoholic fizz later.

It's only the cheap stuff but I'm sure it'll taste better than it looks.

Go on, go and have some fun.

Come on! What did you say to Whitney about life being too short?

-Just this once.

-That's more like it!

-Thanks, Tina.

-That's all right.

-See you later.

I don't even recognise myself any more.

You were attacked in your own bar. You know,

if that'd happened to me, I wouldn't be acting like myself either.

But you'd never put your kids in danger.

I can't even take Denny to school.

Look, you're a great mum, Sharon, you're just scared.

-But you can't let fear take over your life.

-I'm trying, Linda.

Yeah, I know.

And you've got me, you've got Phil,

and Denny. We're all going to help you get you through this.

You know, I thought I was being strong by not taking the pills.

-I was kidding myself.

-You are strong!

And once you get rid of that gun, you'll be able to move on.

I'll get rid of it. I will.

Do you want me to come with you?

No, I need to do it for myself. And Denny.

I'll do it today, OK?

-Shabnam?

-Huh?

-Hi.

I see Denise's left you with all the fun jobs.

Oh, yes. I love the stock take. Head office's idea of fun.

Who would buy something this rubbish?

It does look a bit old. Maybe it's left over from the war.

It goes off in 2016. What do they put in this stuff?!

You should have seen what Phil Mitchell bought Sharon's son

for lunch. That kid is going to grow up to be fat and bald

just like all the other blokes around here.

It's a vicious cycle.

What are you trying to say?

If this was my shop, I'd get rid of all of this rubbish.

Well, don't go getting any ideas.

Denise has only left you in charge for two minutes.

Er, I don't intend to be here long,

just until something better comes along.

All right, well, I'll leave you to it.

Denise is very lucky to have you helping out.

It's the least I can do. Poor Patrick.

Yeah, he was acting really odd, the day he had that stroke.

And?

Maybe I should have said something.

I mean, if I'd said something it might not have happened.

Oh, Dad, you can't think like that. You couldn't have known.

So, I shouldn't mention anything to Denise?

The best thing you can do for Denise now is be there for her, yeah?

Yeah.

PATRICK TRIES TO SPEAK

What do you think he's trying to say?

I don't know, love. He's trying to sleep.

-Look, you don't have to sit here all day.

-Well, who else is going to do it?

Well, Anthony's not going to show his face again, is he?

-Have you tried giving him a call?

-I've been leaving him messages all day!

Anyway, it's not like he's going to just abandon his dad, is it?

He'll be back, once he's had a bit of time to think.

I know how important Patrick is to you.

But you can't just drop everything, love. You've got your own life.

You know, if you want to leave, I'm not stopping you.

-No, I just mean if you've got stuff to do.

-And what could be

more important than being here with him?

Drinking in the park. That's classy.

Just while it's nice out.

Then I was thinking we could go to Camden, have

a nice bit of dinner by the lock, maybe go to a gig, if you fancy it?

You should get her number.

-I'm not interested in anyone else.

-Yeah, all right.