Janine and Lydia reach out to one another during a dark night of the soul, before heartbreaking tragedy tears them apart. Vanessa puts Max on the spot about his feelings for Tanya.
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What is it? Go back to bed.
Janine, she was here!
Who was there?
For goodness' sake!
What have you done?!
-She's in there.
-Have you hurt yourself?
I'm telling you she's in there!
-There's nobody's in there. Come on, let me get you onto a chair.
-I'm telling you she's in there!
There's nobody in here. It's completely empty.
You must have been hallucinating. How many of those pills have you taken?
I'm telling you, she was there.
Wearing the same dress as in the photograph.
Sorry? What photograph?
Who are you talking about?
Was it a bit loud?
No, I woke up and you weren't there.
Same old, innit.
I got straight off, come two o'clock I'm wide awake and buzzing.
Just gave up in the end.
Can I guess?
There's nothing to guess. It's just...
just something I go through now and again, innit.
-So it's got nothing to do with what Tanya said...
-No, course it ain't.
Only I'm not sure I'd be altogether overjoyed to learn my ex was starting a new family.
Not that he could manage it.
Am I warm?
As far as I'm concerned, she can do what she wants.
It's just the kids, you know?
Once junior comes along, they're going to get forgotten about. It's not fair on them.
I think it's about time you and I stopped pretending.
I think the reason you can't sleep...
..the reason you're so upset...
..it's got nothing to do with the kids.
I think it's cos
you've never quite fallen out of love with her, have you?
Max, look at me.
Honest answers only.
Yes or no?
Don't usually see you in here at this time. What you doing?
Couldn't sleep. Needed to get out of the house for a bit.
So you haven't had a row, then?
-You and fatty boy?
-No, nothing at all.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah, I'm sure.
-Has he been coming on to you?
Oh, no, he hasn't, has he?
-Honey, I've been there.
Even the nicest-seeming guys can do the most dreadful things.
-Has he hit you?
-It's nothing to do with Arthur at all.
-So what, then?
I went to see a solicitor on Friday.
I have an immigration hearing, in...
I've screwed up so bad.
-It was a mistake getting married.
-They'll think it was a scam to keep me in the country.
What did Fatboy say to that?
He wasn't there. I haven't been able to bring myself to tell him.
Honey, another coffee, please.
You just... You haven't taken on nearly enough liquids.
That is what all of this is about.
My time is up.
I am not having you die on me.
What are you talking about?
You've been praying for this!
I mean in my living room. Far too much hassle.
About my funeral.
Are you not listening? There is going to be no dying.
-That's an order.
-I don't want one.
Good, because you're not going to have one. Not yet.
-And when you do...
-The doctors can do what they like with me.
I mean, there's nothing worth salvaging anyway.
I rather relish the idea of young medical students gawping over my innards.
"Where's her heart?" they'll say.
"Extraordinary. She doesn't appear to have one."
I've never told you this, young lady, but I rather like you.
It's that defiant streak.
That refusal to be anything other than you are.
Well, I wonder where I get that from?
Do you know, just to cheese you off,
I'm going to give you the most fantastic funeral.
Loads and loads of hideous floral tributes.
You know, ones that spell out "Grandma" in lilies.
Tasteful, you know? And I, I will be chief mourner, dressed all in black.
With a little pillbox hat, and a veil, and maybe some fishnets...
Why do I always feel so filthy at funerals?
Oh, and there'll definitely be a choir.
I think I can stretch to that. What song would you have?
Yes! We Have No Bananas.
She's there again!
-Next to your father!
-look, it's just a picture.
-She's as real as you or me.
This is it. Now, come on, help me.
-What? Can you just stop this?
Or I'll start being extra nice to you.
Or something else you'd really hate. And I mean it.
It's not true I don't have a heart.
-I DO have a heart.
And I do know how to love.
Because I loved her.
All right, then, let me ask you another question.
Do you think I'm stupid?
No, course I don't.
Cos I have got eyes and ears, Max.
Underneath all that big hair and make-up, I have got a brain.
And I notice things.
And while I'm
long enough in the tooth to know that all relationships
require a bit of give and take...
..I'm not so dumb as not to know when I'm becoming second best.
Babe, that ain't true! I got loads of respect for you.
I'm not talking about respect.
All right. Well, let me ask you a question. This word "love".
What do you think it means?
I'd rather hear what YOU think it means.
It means loads of things.
You know, "I want to possess you.
"I want to control you. I want to be controlled BY you.
-"I need reassurance."
-That's what you think love means?
I think that's what other people muddle it up with.
So, what is it, then?
It's about trust.
Being truthful. Wanting to put someone else before yourself.
Babe, none of that...none of that applies to me and Tanya.
It's just emotional cat-and-mouse, innit.
Stupid, ridiculous, never-ending game.
And who's winning?
So, what you doing here?
Are YOU going to tell him?
Or do you want me to?
There isn't a day goes by when I don't look at him
and find myself having a conversation with him in my head.
Shame he was such a slug.
Yeah, well, I'm not going to be sticking up for him.
I know what he was like.
But it's not rational, is it? Some people you find yourself forgiving over and over again.
Not me. Any hope of that died when she died.
And all I was left with was bitterness and hatred...
and my money.
Ooh, how he hated that.
Money doesn't buy you very much.
But it does buy you power.
I want you to do something for me.
-In the bedroom, in that drawer, there's a biscuit tin and a bundle of letters.
Bring them here for me.
-What are you doing in there?
-Oh, I'm just coming.
-Did you look at it?
-Look at what?
Of course you looked at it!
You wouldn't be the Janine I know if you didn't.
No, I don't know what you're talking about.
You didn't come across my will while you were rooting about in there?
Be very odd if you didn't.
-Considering the time you were in there.
I saw it, you know. So what?
Why don't I quite believe this display of studied indifference?
Where's the resentment? Oh, come on, girl, let it out.
You'll feel so much better afterwards.
All right, so what is the Cancer Nurses Trust anyway? I've never heard of it.
-They looked after your mother during the final weeks of her illness.
-Well, who'd've thought it?
Lydia Simmonds, lady bountiful, selfless philanthropist and all round good egg.
That's more like it.
A trace of disappointment.
Look, if it's for a good cause
and it helps you buy your way into heaven, then why not?
These are all of Mum.
Supposing I was to tell you we're talking well into seven figures,
would that make a difference?
Would that light the gleam of avarice in your eye?
What are you trying to do, Granny, torture me?
Is that it? Because, let me tell you, it isn't working.
Yes, but just think, Janine. With all that money,
you could end up as happy and fulfilled as me.
Think of what you'll be missing.
I would rather have these.
-You are as British as me.
-That's not quite British enough.
Oh, come on, Fats, you know what she's talking about as well as I do.
Last I heard, there was this thing called law.
-Yeah, and it's against me.
-So, what time we got to be at this hearing?
-All right, well that gives me exactly 5.75 hours.
-What are you going to do?
-Learn to be a lawyer. This ain't over!
So, if what you say about you and Tanya is right
and this is all a big game, then what's all this stuff about?
All that stuff about her wanting more kids was just her next throw of the dice?
Can there be any worse reason for having more children than just to get back at your ex-husband?
So what you're feeling now is exactly what she WANTS you to feel.
So how do I stop feeling it?
By understanding what's going on.
Do you think me and Harry aren't wrapped up in the same stuff?
The only reason you don't know it is cos you don't see it. But it's there.
So how do you manage it?
You see, the sad irony of this is that
you can know all of this and then just carry on the same old way.
Cos it's too scary to do anything different.
What do you mean, "scary"?
To act differently takes courage, Max.
Courage I don't have.
Courage to be a grown-up.
Why do you think I hide behind all that make-up?
Because I'm scared.
I'm scared that if people could see the real me
-then I wouldn't be able to pretend any more.
-Shhh, V, V, V.
Please, please, V.
Cos that's what we're all doing.
You, me, Tanya, everyone.
Well, we could stop right now.
This very second.
Let's make love.
I want to.
What are you doing?
Will you get it off me?
-Why do you want to take it off?
-Oh, just do it!
There you go.
What do you think it's worth, Janine?
I don't know.
Is it solid gold?
If I told you it was priceless, what would you say?
I gave it to your mother the day you were born.
Open it up.
That picture was taken
on your third birthday.
Your mother loved that photograph.
And so do I.
You were such a happy child.
Yeah, well, that's not the way I heard it.
-According to Pat, I was the devil's spawn.
-But that was afterwards.
-Do you know what my earliest memory is?
-No, what was that?
It was of my dad
telling me that Mummy had gone away
and that she wasn't coming back.
I thought he meant to the shops, you know. That was the only
"away" I knew.
I wanted you to come to the funeral.
But he wouldn't have it.
He said you were too young. That it would upset you.
I knew that he was lying, of course.
About the going away bit, I mean.
Not that I could have known what lying was then.
I didn't take it on board that she was dead for days.
Weeks. It just wasn't mentioned.
I can remember being so...
so angry at her for leaving me.
I said to Frank "Who's going to look after Janine while we're all at the funeral?"
And he said, "Oh, I've got this friend I was thinking of asking."
I said, "Is it a woman?" And that's when he starts fiddling with his spectacles,
which was always a sure sign.
-Yeah, well, she didn't come.
He backed down.
I'd've killed him if he hadn't.
I wanted you to come and live with me. You do know that?
When it was being discussed.
Frank said, "I can't run a business and look after a four-year-old."
So I said, "I will."
So, you mean that when I was living with Clare
I could've gone to you instead?
I begged him. Even though the words stuck in my throat.
Cos I wanted it.
-I wanted it so much...
I wanted you...
If I'd had a little girl to look after, things might have been...
Might have what?
Then afterwards he did everything he could to keep you away from me.
I say "he", but I think it was more her by then,
but he just went along with it, you know, coward that he was.
Well, it's a lovely locket.
It's a lovely photograph.
Keep it. Put it on.
-No, no, no, I can't do that.
-Just for once do what you're told, mm?
What time is it?
Oh, I don't know.
It is half past four.
What time does it get light?
I don't know.
Can't be long now.
I can feel it.
Your mother was born at this time of day.
I'd been in labour forever.
And halfway through, the sirens went off...
..and the midwife thought that I might haemorrhage if we moved to the shelter.
So I was stuck under that kitchen table for another three hours
with the bombs falling all round.
No epidurals in those days.
There was no nothing.
I thought, "If this is childbirth, you can keep it!"
Granny, you shouldn't be talking.
It's wearing you out. You need to rest.
And then suddenly there she was.
Bawling and screaming.
"You've got a beautiful
"baby girl, Mrs Simmonds."
And that was Mum?
And then the midwife pulled back the blackout curtain
and it was dawn.
And outside, miraculously,
And the room was flooded with a pale yellow light.
And suddenly the whole thing was alive and just for one moment,
despite the pain, despite the bombs, despite the wretched war...
..it was as if everything in the entire universe
made complete and perfect sense.
As if I'd been touched by God.
Would you be very offended
if I told you that I loved you?
What? What's so funny?
The whole damned thing is funny from up here looking down on it.
Are you really not bothered about the will?
Well, I'm not saying that I won't feel differently tomorrow...
..but right now I couldn't give a damn. Honestly.
So, what about these letters?
Not now. Later.
I want you to take me into the front room.
I want to see the sunrise.
OK, well let me just get your wheelchair.
What you doing?
You go to bed, babe. You're going to need some sleep.
-So do you.
-Yeah, but I'm Superman, all right?
I can do anything.
You know I can't cope with this.
-Knowing that, you know, if I didn't ask you to marry me, then you'd probably stand a better chance.
Well, I'm glad you did.
-I so wish I...
-No, no, no, no.
I know you don't love me, Merce, all right. But that ain't going to stop me loving you, OK.
So just don't blow out all hope.
Listen, Merce, if all this goes wrong, and I'm not saying it will,
-but if it does, then... I'm coming to Nigeria with you, all right? No arguments.
So just say, "Yes, Arthur."
-You know what?
I think I'm going to give up the fags.
Yeah, it's suddenly like I don't need them any more.
It's weird. I don't even want one.
Abi'll be pleased.
Will you marry me?
Are you serious?
Yes or no?
FEEBLY: Pull the curtains.
Open the window. I want to hear the birds.
BIRDSONG DRIFTS IN
-Who'd've thought it? It's amazing.
The world is a beautiful place sometimes.
We forget so easily.
Is it me, or does it look different?
Same old square.
Same old gardens.
I don't know what it is.
It's almost like I've never looked at it properly before.
I know this is going to sound stupid, but...
..it's almost beautiful.
It's like I want to go round and knock on
everyone's door and say "Wake up!
"you don't know what you're missing, you idiots!"
Instead they're all just
tucked up in bed asleep.
They haven't got the foggiest.
Isn't it weird being alive?
I mean, when you really think about it,
it's just so strange.
That's the trouble, though, isn't it?
We don't ever think about it, I mean.
You're not saying much.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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Janine and Lydia reach out to one another during a dark night of the soul, before heartbreaking tragedy tears them apart. Vanessa puts Max on the spot about his feelings for Tanya, while a terrified Mercy prepares herself for the worst in court.