05/07/2011 EastEnders

DOORBELL RINGS

Ron. It's the police, they want to talk to you.

Come on, this is harassment!

Nothing was even nicked?

It's routine. We have to follow up every complaint we receive.

Hold on a second, so you're saying that somebody said that they actually saw me running out of the Vic?

D'you know what, write this down, please, I want to make a complaint.

-Roxy.

-No, it's her.

-Oi, listen, Ronnie was with me, here all night.

And that's all we need to know.

Wait a minute, please. I want Kat Moon - that's her up there - I want her questioning. OK?

And I want you to ask her, when - and I want a answer -

-when is my sister going to have suffered enough?!

-Rox, Roxy...

Can I have a word?

Mo, can you hurry up! You've got the advantage, ain't you, Tommy?

You do a pee in your pyjamas, it's just you being a baby.

It's all right, shh-shh. I do it, your mum'll end up leaving me.

They're walking away! Alfie!

Oh, Tyler, get out the way! The police, they're driving away.

-Yeah, well, I thought they would.

-Will you stop being so reasonable!

-I'm not being reasonable.

-Ten minutes and you're sitting back on the fence again.

We are prisoners in our own home. Aren't you bothered?

-You're the one that got Tyler sleeping outside the door.

-Yeah, can I go now?

-Shut up.

-She tried to break in here. She actually tried to break in.

-Listen, I'm not sure it was her.

Yeah, it was, I know. God knows what she's got planned next.

She's not got a plan, she's in court tomorrow. I can't talk about it on a full bladder.

-Yeah, go on, you go. Don't you worry.

-Tyler!

She wouldn't, would she?

I don't even want to speak to you...

Kat. No, Kat, I mean. She's not that clever.

Opportunistic, seeing her chance, setting you up.

Deliberately screwing you over, she wouldn't do that.

You wouldn't.

She must REALLY have it in for you.

Jay, will you give me call back?

-Abs, what you talking about?

-Sssh.

-No, what do you mean?

-What I said.

Oh, don't be so stupid.

Abs! Don't be so stupid.

Morning, Harry, how do?

Is someone here?

Who's hiding here?

Can you guess?

-Just be logical, will you?

-I am. Michael saw her.

Oh, fine. You going to go marching over and sort this out? How exactly, eh?

Do you honestly think she would break into the pub?

-Why, cos she's running low on vodka?

-You're calling Michael a liar?

-No, I'm not calling him a liar.

-I'm saying we spoke to the Old Bill, it's been sorted. Don't overreact.

-Overreact? Overreact?!

Yes, darling. Cos you'll turn it into a song and dance, a big drama.

Oh, I am so sorry. You tell me Alfie, right,

how am I supposed to react when my child's kidnapper is across the Square like a praying mantis?

Walking through our front door...

-Kat, listen! Ronnie's going to get banged up. What else do you want to do?

-You haven't got a clue!

Oh, well done. Alfie hasn't got a clue, right?

-Alfie has no feelings. You going to remind me that Alfie's not really Tommy's father?

-Here we go.

-You know, this "twisted revenge freak" ain't a good look on you, sweetheart.

-Yeah?

Well, maybe if I'd married a real man, I wouldn't be doing it myself.

Oh, dear.

I think he needs a cuddle.

He's all upset, now, isn't he?

Do you think he needs a little cuddle?

No, Jean, I think he needs to grow a pair.

Ronnie, don't be long.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I was thinking, if you and Amy could give us ten minutes after the picnic.

It's beautiful.

You know, go and get an ice cream, whatever.

-Oi, you do know that she's never going to take this off, don't you?

-Yeah.

Jack...

..she's never going to have to take it off, is she?

Keep the change.

Cheers, mate.

-Ah!

-Ah!

-Is there something I can help you with?

-Pat?

Half Pint?

Oh, um...

Yeah, cos he said there were three of them. Yeah.

Mm, right then, yeah, yeah, yeah, cheers, mate.

RUNNING WATER

Come on. How long's it take to buy paper plates?

It was one mistake, Rox.

She is better now. You said so yourself.

But will the judge, you know,

will the Judge care?

Will they take that into account, Jack?

She knows what she did is wrong. She's never going to do anything like that again and that means something.

I trust her.

-You trust her, don't you?

-Yeah. Yeah, I do. I just...

I don't know how it works, Jack. You're the one who was in the Old Bill.

-Yeah, well...

-You know, expensive lawyers and eternity rings,

they don't change what she did, do they? That's all I'm saying. They don't suddenly change the law,

and make it all right to go around snatching babies.

She's said sorry.

-She's had a nervous breakdown trying to prove that she's sorry.

-I know.

I know, but being sorry...

it's not enough to keep you out of prison, is it? And...

you know, I really don't want to think of Ronnie anywhere else.

The thought of having to say...

Listen, I've only just got her back, all right?

The thing is, you know, a lot of things have happened to me in my life

that I could never have imagined.

But Ronnie, she's so...

I dunno, she's so up in her own head. She's so unpredictable.

-No.

-Jack! Listen to me.

Listen, all right.

Ronnie going down is a possibility, OK, and...

we owe it to her to prepare her for that.

-I don't want to say goodbye either, I really, really don't, but if we have to...

-No!

She needs to go into court tomorrow knowing she's going to come home.

All right, she will come home.

There's a key, ain't there,

to looking fresh and feeling fresh for that early morning appointment.

There is a key, Jode,

and it is in the bath.

And the milky drink and the lavender oil.

Cos I was out like a baby last night.

Not that all babies sleep very well. George was a right howler.

See, my rules are more don'ts than do's.

Don't have an heavy dinner, don't forget to take your make-up off

and don't stay up to watch the news

cos world events can be quite a bit depressing.

-Have you got the notice?

-I...have had it laminated.

Oh, look at it all laminated!

You know what you want to put on that, don't you?

"Rip-off".

-Sorry?

-Well, fake tan. It's about as reliable as my staff.

-You know, I've been sprayed, baked and basted, it's never made a blind bit of difference.

-Really?

-I've come out exactly the same colour as when I went in.

-This wouldn't happen with SexyBod.

SexyBod spray tanning system is guaranteed to give a sun-kissed look,

-covering stretch marks, thread veins and unsightly bags.

-What was that?

-And it's half price.

And you get a free glass of Cava.

-I think it's better than a holiday - it's only round the corner and I've got a thing about flying.

-Right.

I've got 20 minutes to get sun-kissed,

before the bread order arrives. Watch the shop.

-You've got your first sale!

-I've got my first sale!

You changed your mind. Why didn't you just say you changed your mind?

Did you or did you not, Michael, tell Kat that you saw me running away from the Vic? Yes, or no?

-What... What do you want? What are you doing?

-Grateful, do you remember?

-You told me I was supposed to be grateful?

-I do, yeah.

-Is that why you're setting me up?

-Is that why you're playing these games...

-What games?

-..because I wouldn't fall on my back,

-because I wouldn't massage your little ego?

-There is a word for women like you.

Faithful.

The word is "faithful", Michael.

And did you really think that I would just let that go?

I know men like you. I've lived with them my whole life.

Evil, twisted, manipulative.

Did you think that I could go to prison knowing my husband is in business with a man like you?

-You may not have any choice.

-That I would let Roxy spend her life with a man who's willing

-to cheat on her with her own sister? You call yourself clever?

-That's a double standard, isn't it,

because who is Amy's dad? Remind me again?

Michael, Roxy LOVES you!

Roxy...is a fool.

I want you to tell Roxy everything that you've done.

I want you to tell her that you came on to me.

I am trying to give you a chance to do the right thing, Michael.

You show Roxy who you are...

and you let her decide.

No.

OK, then.

Tell her then!

Tell her what you like.

See, really, you should exfoliate first, though.

You do regularly exfoliate?

Every day.

And there's a skin test.

And there's a little questionnaire. Cos that is actually obligatory.

OK. So, do you have, or have you ever had, any allergies or bad reactions?

If so, to what? Please list.

Time wasters.

-Sorry?

-I have a very bad reaction to people that waste my time.

OK.

There isn't... I can't actually tick a box for that.

SPRAYING

Come on then, come on then, mind your legs, please. Thank you.

I think the box probably goes there.

But I don't really know, cos I don't really work here.

I'm just minding the shop.

Thank you.

You're welcome. You can mind my shop anytime.

Well, when I get one.

Well, that is a lovely offer, but I don't normally do shop work, I run the beauty salon down the road.

Well, not exactly run it, I'm more semi-assistant manager, really.

Well, I'll have to pop in, let you have a go on my bodywork.

Yeah, you should. Cos we do do men.

You don't to make need an appointment. Just pop in

and I will do my best to do something about those eyebrows.

If they treat you blonde, play it blonde.

Oh, there you are. Will you get a grip, Abs?

I have. There is nothing you can say, Jay, I am going to the police

and I'm telling them that we broke into the Vic.

-Why? Because you see a couple of coppers round Ronnie's gaff.

-No, because I feel guilty.

OK. So you got to do what works.

But don't expect me to back you up, all right.

I am a liar. I'm...

a coward.

A game player.

And you don't have to, um...

tell Roxy about that cos she knows already.

She's got me sussed deep down.

I am not...

a very nice person.

Obviously.

Have you ever...

cuddled a dead body?

It's very cold.

My mum, she was very cold, it was horrible, really.

You just can't...

You can't do anything. What can you do? You just can't...

Sorry. You just can't do anything.

What COULD I do? What COULD I do?

I am...

I'm a screw-up.

An unreliable...

horrible...

screw-up.

I know, I know, I know. You get it.

I know you get it. And that... That was...

That was the relief.

The relief.

That someone else...gets it.

That...it wasn't just me...

..on my own. That someone else gets it.

And... And if you want to know the reason why I made a pass at you,

then there is your reason. THERE is your answer.

Can't you see?

It's that...

you and me...

..we're the same, Ronnie.

-No.

-Yes!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

# If you wake up and don't want to smile

# If it takes just a little while

# Open your eyes and look at the day

# You'll see things in a different way

# Don't stop thinking about tomorrow

# Don't stop it'll soon be here... #

You grumpy old twonk.

# ..Yesterday's gone...#

YOU'RE a grumpy old twonk.

No, I'm more of a romantic, sexy, grumpy old twonk.

# ..Why not think about the times to come

# And not about... #

Fat chance! And I don't care if she's paid for 14 cabs.

And you know that I don't care where Uncle Fester's travelled up from.

-I invited him, Janine!

-SHE SCOFFS

So, you keeping well, then?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Ballroom, bowls, rock and roll.

That's just on a Monday.

Yeah. And you?

Frank was always the one with the blue suede shoes, wasn't he?

Frank, yeah.

-But you're looking well.

-Better without the face pack and the...

So, will your latest wife be joining us?

She's with Elvis, Pat.

Oh, no. Not another one.

Bad luck.

Yeah, yeah...

I'm still getting quite a lot of that, yeah.

It's no problem, is it? I'll just go with it, yeah?

-I'm sorry, Uncle Norman.

-Crawling out with a pathetic bunch of flowers to make themselves feel better.

No, it doesn't matter, Ricky. You know, it's... It's absolutely fine

that neither of them bothered

with my grandma when she was actually alive.

D'you know, she'd forgotten all about you.

She never, ever talked about you. She never mentioned you, actually.

-And you, she couldn't stand the sight of you!

-Cab'll be here in a minute.

Look, you're not invited!

Do you think your uncle would miss his own mother's funeral because you tell him to?

Lydia had a life that was a lot longer than the ten minutes that you knew her.

So stop having this temper tantrum!

Go and have a little cry instead, you silly girl.

I know you wake up crying

cos you've dreamt he's still dead, ain't you?

And I know in the middle of the night...

..you watch him breathe

-cos I've felt you kick me, and I know it's not an accident.

-Sssh.

Kat, I know...

I know genetically I'm not...

But...I've still been through it an' all.

And I get it Kat, I really do. I know...

that if you think you don't care hard enough or...

..or you don't look after him, that he's...

it's all going to happen again.

But it won't.

It really won't cos lightning does not strike twice.

And that is my point.

It does, actually.

What about that bloke on that documentary?

What you talking about, that bloke on the documentary? It doesn't.

It really doesn't.

You know, in the eyes of the judge and the hands of the law,

this time tomorrow, all this guff will all be over.

All right?

So you can stop having your paranoid hissy fits,

and acting like a stroppy cow.

Hissy fits? I'm not paranoid.

Hissy...

Come on, just for one week, OK?

Just for one week only.

We'll do all the normal things, like go swimming, or even go to the park.

And we'll just be a quiet,

normal,

loving family.

Yeah, right!

THEY CHUCKLE

You called your daughter Amy.

Roxy never told me.

She's pretty.

Memories are no excuse, are they, Michael?

Feeling haunted, feeling hard done by.

That is not a good enough reason to cause more damage.

-Dog eat dog.

-No.

I just don't believe that.

I believe that if you are guilty...

If you are guilty, you've got to take responsibility.

Because I just cannot live without...

without the truth.

I don't want any more lying. Do you understand that, Michael?

Yeah.

So please, please will you help me?

I beg you.

I have already made Roxy's life hard enough as it is, and listen, tomorrow...

Tomorrow I'm going to go to prison. And you know what? That is absolutely right, whatever Jack says.

But she's my baby sister.

And I've got to protect her. You understand that, don't you?

So you've got to tell her the truth, Michael. Because if you don't, I will.

I can't have that, can I?

-Oh, you're here. Is it going really well?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah...

No.

No, probably not really well, no.

But quite a lot better.

Cos I woke her up and Syed managed to tempt her out

with another bottle of Cava and an all-over body massage so...

Are you sure you want to do this?

Could get nasty.

It's already nasty.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Jack, I just want to apologise about overreacting, really.

I just hope we can be adults about this.

There's no reason why not.

-Where's the plates?

-Hey, here he is.

We can't have a picnic without paper plates, I'll have a look upstairs.

-Roxy.

-What?

-There's something Michael would like to tell you.

What's that doing in there?

-He could choke on that.

-I don't know, it's not mine.

-What is it?

It's hers.

-It's Danielle's locket. Jack, it's Danielle's...

-Woah, what?

-No, no.

-Oh, my God. In his pram.

-Hang on, there's got to be a logical explanation.

I haven't done anything.

Oh, my God. Ronnie, what have you done? How did you get that in his pram?

-I haven't done anything.

-Why did you put that in his pram?

-Are you listening? I haven't done anything!

-Ronnie, it's not a prison sentence you want, it's a straitjacket!

-D'you know what, Alfie, that was him!

-Wait, wait!

-This was him!

You just wait here.

Alfie!

Listen to me. This was him, OK? This was him.

-You just took it out my bag, didn't you?

-Ronnie, stop it!

He took it out of my bag at the gym.

Listen to me. Roxy, listen. I haven't done anything, OK?

-Stop it. Stop it!

-He's planned it. He just warned me!

Roxy!

-You liar.

-Coward. Game player.

Mm, takes one to know one, Veronica, huh?

You thought I was just going to let that one go?

I'm just going to go and check on your sister.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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