15/08/2011 EastEnders

Mum's not in her room.

So? She'll have gone after Dad.

But Oscar's in his room. She wouldn't leave him.

Come on, Jode, it's not even six yet.

Max's car's not over there.

I bet they've run away. That'll kill Mum.

Why don't you come back to bed?

I want to be here when she wakes up.

He will be back, you know.

She's not answering...

-Will you call Dad?

-No way.

-You were the one who told him to go, Lauren!

Abi, you did, too! YOU call him.

DOOR CLOSES

Here you go. You'll feel better after a nice cuppa.

There's no way Max'd leave the car lot like that. He's definitely coming back.

Hmm! Finally, he shows a bit of drive! Opening up early today, Darren?

-Er, no, I just...

-Are you OK, Mum?

Yeah, 'course. Why wouldn't I be?

Look, Max is waking up in some grotty hotel right now, feeling stupid.

He'll come back. His type always do.

-You don't think he's with her?

-How about eggs for breakfast? Hmm?

-Abi? What time is it?

-I'm looking for Mum.

Did Dad say anything about them going off together?

What are you talking about? Why d'you think your mum's here?

-I don't believe this.

-Will you calm down? What's going on?

Last time he went off, we ended up in hospital and I can't get through on his phone.

Come inside, you'll get wet.

Did I hear shouting?

Oh, have a day off.

Loud voices, slamming doors, don't tell me...my daughter.

Granddaughter. Mum's done one.

She's so upset.

This is just another day at the office for Tanya.

-You OK?

-You can't say that.

It was Rachel I felt sorry for last time, this time it's the kids who've got my sympathy.

Serial offenders, Max and Tanya.

Some things you just can't stop.

You make them sound like Romeo and Juliet...

Laurel and Hardy, more like.

She's my sister... she's your daughter!

Yeah, and to think I went through the pain of childbirth for this.

They say you forget in time, but every time I look at Tanya, it hits me all over again.

You're just wrong in the head.

She's got a broken heart.

She'll have a broken neck an' all by the time I've wrung it.

You'll have to find her first.

Anthony, if you're under the impression I won't sack my own sons, you're mistaken.

Both of you, round here, five minutes ago.

-The boys late for work, then?

-Didn't even come home last night.

I've got a dealer coming for some gear, I got to get to a sale in Wanstead.

I'll do it. Gym don't open for two hours. I'll do it, I'll stick around.

That's a great help. Thank you.

You're welcome. But don't expect me to get all Antiques Road Show with those old dears.

Maybe I should give their share of the loot to YOU when I'm gone.

If they haven't bankrupted you!

Oh, thanks. Jodie's gone back to bed.

Just because Max is away, don't mean you can wear what you want.

Men in suits sell cars, men in jeans fix them.

Yeah, but I didn't know if I was opening up or...

-Why wouldn't you be? You don't need Max to hold your hand.

-Yeah... but I didn't know what's happening.

Is he just away then, not gone?

He's coming back.

Oh. Cos Jodie seems to think he's...

Oh, for the last time!

-You got some chairs for me?

-Yeah.

-Those ones.

-Thank you.

-Cheers.

-Do you know my old man? Eddie Moon.

-Nah.

No. Me neither.

You'd think there'd be something, like an email, a dodgy receipt. You know, smutty playing cards.

Just anything, just to suggest a bit of character.

But there's nothing.

Just...furniture.

Receipt for those chairs?

No-one's accusing you, Jack, of being in on anything, we're just trying to find them.

Thank you.

No?

No, he doesn't know anything.

How long's this been going on? Your mum and dad?

Months, Lauren said.

Do you think we should call the police or anything?

No, no, they've probably just gone off to sort things out. Those two...

I'll go and get changed, then we'll go back home and see if they've called, yeah?

Vanessa reckons he's coming back, but I don't know.

If he don't, there's no double wedding, no nothing.

You and Jodie can still get married.

With what? I doubt Jodie wants her photos to be by a bus stop outside Walford Registry Office.

If she loves you, doesn't matter where it is.

Yeah, I suppose. Funny though, ain't it? Life.

You think everything's all right, then it roundhouses you with something...

-An '80s music convention in Southend!

-What?

Have you been listening to me?

Five Star, Hazel Dean, Culture Club.

Oh, Darren, can you still drive?

My life's falling apart. I wouldn't be able to drive you to the Minute Mart.

-See you later.

-Yeah, see ya.

Here, Shirl, do you believe this? Look! Here, do you think Phil will lend us his car?

No, cos I ain't asking him. Southend.

-All right.

-All right.

Marie, can I get a bacon roll please?

Um... I'm really sorry, I've left my money on the side.

It's all right. I'll get this for you, if you like.

Nah, I'm not a charity case.

I'll be back in five.

I've got my sister having a go at me now, as if somehow I'm to blame.

Probably won't even see Max now till my 50th.

He'll turn up moaning at the buffet as if nothing ever happened.

Have you got a secret place?

Where you go to be alone, where you keep stuff?

So you heard about Max's love nest, then?

No...no, but that's what I'm talking about, see.

There must be something.

Him and Tanya had a bedsit where they'd carry on.

How tawdry. That's what I can never get about Max, how'd he manage to pull Vanessa, and then dump her?

-She's fit.

-She's my brother's missus. I wouldn't know.

I take that as sarcasm.

Like I said, she's still fit.

Vanessa.

Look, I had...

Brannings like to publicise their every move, but not the Golds.

Is your office free?

Thanks for your concern, but you're not needed.

You've tried getting hold of Greg, left messages for Max.

I'm on top of it. Despite those two moping around

and her going on all the time about how Jesus loved everyone.

He did.

That's cos he hadn't met Tanya.

DOOR CLOSES

Mum? Mum where've you been?!

Probably in her skanky bedsit.

-Where've you been? We've all been worried about you.

-Where's Dad?

-I don't know.

-If you're getting back together, shouldn't he be with you?

-We're not getting back together.

-Right, so the family's destroyed and now you've ditched him?

Only want what you can't have.

You could've persuaded him to stay, at least?

Will you just call him, please?

-I can't.

-Are you kidding me?!

I don't care where Dad is, he can rot.

But she...she's been worried sick, so can you just call him?

-I can't...

-Why not?! What you can lie to your whole family, but now you can't make a phone call?

Just call him, Mum. What's wrong with you?

DOOR SLAMS

-'You have one message.

-Darren, it's Max...'

Sorry, we don't have any of them balsam tissues.

Don't want the boys going soft.

-What's that for?

-Well, you look emotional.

Are there tears in my eyes?

Max is an idiot.

But to be fair to him, that is his default setting.

Just with you, I thought he'd turned a corner.

Everyone has blips.

You spoken to him?

Nah, not a word.

You honestly expect me to believe that?

And you? I know you're listening.

What? Sorry, I didn't hear nothing.

Come on, let's be honest. This is Max we're talking about.

-Everyone keeps saying that like it's supposed to mean something.

-Tanya's in his blood.

-Tell her, Jack, go on.

-Tell me what?

About the bedsit.

-Let me know when he calls.

-They had a place where they went.

Maybe if you saw it, it would help you understand.

KNOCK ON DOOR

If that's Tanya, tell her she's not welcome!

-What do you want?

-I've got some wonderful news! Can I come in?

Getting my exam results back Thursday.

I've never seen her like that before.

A year of my life and no-one cares.

It was like she wasn't Mum. She actually ran away.

I think this is that moment you realise your parents are just as useless as everyone else.

'Course, I knew that about five years ago, but you were always slow on the uptake.

-It's not funny!

-Yeah, and I'm not laughing.

I swear they're not my parents, not any more.

Just two idiots called Max and Tanya.

Don't say that! I only told him to go cos I was angry.

He has no-one.

He's lost Mum.

He thinks we hate him.

What if he never comes back?

-'Course he will.

-You don't know that. Why don't you care? You are exactly like Mum!

I hate you for this.

Abi hates me, don't she?

She's just messed up. Can't handle it all.

-You OK?

-Don't know.

Mum's devastated.

-I'm so sorry, Jodes...

-That's all right. It weren't your fault, was it?

Yeah, but they're my parents. I can't help feel responsible.

Suppose.

I don't even know if I can go to work. It just feels wrong. Like a betrayal.

I think my mum owes you a bit of time off, don't you?

Come here.

Sis?

Sis.

Apparently, she's got some news for us.

-You've heard from Max?

-Oh.

No, no, sorry. Actually...

all of this is going to be mine!

Except you lot, of course.

Though if you need the money I could do with the labour.

Spoke to Greg this morning on the phone, he said he'll sell me everything. House, beds, sofas...

Oh. Is that damp?

-Can he do that?

-My inheritance came through...

and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that money, well, it buys you things. Like...

I don't know, people. Houses.

What kind of woman revels in kicking Oscar out of his home?

Tanya did that, actually, not me.

Greg was very rude about her on the phone.

So I'll let you all know a date.

Are we going to be homeless?

Can he do that? Just kick us out?

-I'll try and find Tanya.

-Just don't tell the girls, OK?

Don't tell us about what?

What did Janine want?

Token of my appreciation for this morning.

Got a lovely Louis XVI desk in Wanstead.

Beautiful thing.

What? What you doing here?

You're the one acting hot. We're allowed to speak.

-Yes, OK. Sorry, so what do you want?

-Come home with me.

Home as in your house?

-Yeah. Reckon I can sneak you in...

-Lauren, I can't. I'm on my shift.

Wow, maybe you are too old and grey for me after all.

Turns out he's got this bolthole...off the beaten track.

He's a wily one.

Sounds appealing - little place to call your own?

Nah, sounds like a headache to me.

All those extra bills, council tax, rent, heating.

I've a hard enough time with the Emporium.

-Ah, my sweet and lovely lady.

-I'm not your anything, remember?

You've got to learn to take a compliment. It's an art form.

I'm not the creative type.

A beautiful Philistine - bundle of contradictions.

Listen, have you seen Tanya?

-No.

-We were just talking about this bloke...

Vodka, please. Neat. Double.

Excuse me a minute.

Hey. I just heard about you and Max, you all right?

Abi came round knocking on the door at God knows what hour.

Oh, please, you honestly expect me to believe you weren't all in on it?

Well, I certainly wasn't.

Little family of cheats, all sneaking around.

Oi! Enough. I wouldn't be surprised

to hear you'd been on at Greg, telling him to sell that house.

-I have no interest in talking to that pathetic excuse.

-He's too nice to do something like that.

All of this will blow over.

It's just a blip.

I don't think so, I'm afraid.

So you did know all about it then, eh? 'Course you did. The Branning tribe all in on it together.

Look, I don't agree with what Max's done to you, but you've got to take your share of the blame.

-I'm sorry?

-You've been here, what, a year? Have you made any friends?

-What's that got to do with anything?

-You've suffocated him.

You've not tried to work, get to know his family, his friends. No.

You've just pranced around that house, flaunting that ridiculous barnet of yours.

I was good to him.

You live by the man. You die by the man, all right?

A woman of your age should have worked that out by now.

That what you tell yourself every night to get to sleep?

All alone?

Yeah, something like that. But see, you know you're in trouble

when you'll sleep with someone just to avoid your own company.

-You got a stall selling flip-flops ain't you?

-Yeah. D'you want some?

-Nah. They give me blisters.

Oh. Nice.

Sorry. I just wanted to apologise for this morning's gaffe.

-Oh, it was a gaffe, was it?

-Yeah, well...Gaffe City Central, me.

-Yeah?

-Gaffington World of Adventures.

All right. I get it. Wally.

So if I were to buy some flip-flops, would you have a drink with me?

What, is that a joke?

I don't follow...

Well, who you been talking to, mate?

You come in here, you offering me money and now this...

-I just wanted to...

-I don't care what you want. Dirty little perv. Go on, do one!

I was on the way to work for the woman who ruined my mum's life.

I'm like, have you lost your marbles? I cannot go back.

Darren?

What's wrong?

'Darren, it's Max.

'You're in charge of the car lot till I get back.

'If I get back.

'Don't screw it up, all right?

'Listen, just... good luck, all right?'

How come he called you and not Mum?

He's definitely not coming back then.

Hello?

TOILET FLUSHES

How long have you had this place?

-How did you find...?

-HOW LONG?!

About a month, two months.

Where is he?

I don't know. I don't.

I came to you! I just knew Max was having an affair

and I came to YOU.

I am sorry.

Must really hurt.

You spend all that time thinking you've won.

Turns out you've got nothing.

Actually, I ended it, so...

if he's not with you, then, it's cos he wants be on his own.

DOOR SLAMS

What's the matter with you?

Do you ever get the feeling that life's passing you by?

-It's in Southend.

-And where d'you think we are, eh?

-Beverly Hills?

-It'll be awful.

-OK.

You won't like the food.

-OK.

-How you going to afford it? You've got to fork out for hotels...

You know what, it's funny, ain't it? All those songs about, falling in love...

having your first kiss...they fill you with hope when you're young.

You never think that one day you'll be too skint to go to Southend to listen to them.

-Lend me your phone.

-Why?

-Cos I'm going to book us tickets.

-No, don't worry.

Like you said, I can't afford it.

Well, we'll have to work something out, then, won't we?

-Don't give me that look! Not after the guilt trip.

-Phil's Jag, too?

No, Pussy Galore. We're going by train.

Honestly, you'll be poncing about in a power suit with a Filofax, soon.

Oh, Shirl! We're going to Southend!

-And I can't find Tanya anywhere. Just have to assume that Greg'll sell up.

-Not my problem.

So you'll see them out on the streets?

I'm not turfing Vanessa out. Ain't her fault Max's jumped ship. I won't punish the woman twice!

Lauren. Abi. Oscar. Remember them?

Max'd throw a fit if he thinks for one second you'd let them down.

Well, it's Max that's let them down, innit? Not me.

Not Vanessa. It's Max. I'm sick of clearing up his mess all the time!

-I won't do it any more.

-Don't walk away. I'm not losing this argument!

Silly me!

Bubbly's in the fridge(!)

Bubbly's in the fridge?!

BUBBLY'S IN THE FRIDGE?!

SHE SCREAMS

Mum, stop it!

-So the sale ain't gone through yet?

-No, but what power do we have?

Mum can fight him in the court, right?

She's been cheating, darling. I don't think we can count on the judge being that sympathetic.

DOOR CLOSES

You've got to free up your house, Jack.

Oh, there you are!

We've lost the house because of you! Cos of what you did, Greg's selling it.

He's selling it?

Well, it's his, I suppose, innit?

Don't you even care? What is wrong with you? Why don't you care about anything?!

Because it is all falling apart, Mum, and you're not even bothered.

Why?

-How did you get off work?

-Pulled a sickie.

What and they bought it?

-Just call me Ferris.

-What?

-Best you stay here.

-Yeah, Tanya needs you.

Something's not right with you.

All right, I know you done Greg over, but my Tanya wouldn't let him do this to her.

She'd be on the phone calling lawyers, threatening to squat.

What's wrong? Tell me!

Oh...

Thanks, Marie! I'm celebrating, so don't put that away just yet, yeah?

Let me do the talking, yeah?

-OK, as long as you go through with it.

-I will.

-Give her a week, yeah?

-All right!

Er...Jack. You know, now's not a great time, to be honest.

-Tough, Darren.

-Carol, please.

-This whole thing - it's hit her hard.

-We'll come back another time, yeah?

-Yeah.

-CRASH, SCREAMING >

-Mum, please!

-What was that?

-Nothing.

Jack!

-SHE SCREAMS

-What you doing?!

-Stop!

-Look at this house!

-All those times I had her in my house. My house! My house!

-You're insane!

Jack, you've got to get her out!

Tanya's having this house for the kids, so leave it!

-Throw me out after what your family's done to me?!

-Look at this place, what choice have I got?!

SCUM! I'll kill all you Branning scum!

I'm going to kill you all!

A beautiful Philistine?

There's nothing wrong in giving a woman a compliment.

A compliment is "Nice hair, dear"

or "You don't look a day over 25, darling". That's practically an admission of love.

She's rarity. The woman is a marvellous rarity...

SCREAMING >

Get out! Stop it, stop it!

If Max was here you wouldn't dare...

If Max was here he'd give us a hand! He never loved you! You were a front! To get at Tanya.

A front!

SHE SOBS

Max!

Stop them, please!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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