03/01/2013 EastEnders

Babe, it's all right. I'll do that.

I'm sure Shirley smokes in her room, you know.

Unlike you to be home for lunch.

I'm going to put a smoke alarm under her bed. You watch.

I better get back to work.

What's wrong with her?

I'm fine!

You heard her. She said she's fine.

Joey!

Think we need a little chat, don't you?

Later.

Best put this on ice then, eh?

Ain't it about time you put a ring on it?

Right now, I'm a little bit busy.

If you wouldn't mind stepping into the bedroom.

-Get into the bedroom!

-SHE GIGGLES

Hey, here we go. Where's your Auntie Sharon got to?

Hey? Where's she got to?

You smell so good!

He smells like peanut butter and mud, like he always does.

Behave! Come here, let's have a cuddle! Group hug.

All my babies, all together.

Oh well. No broken windows, no blood on the carpet.

At least your mum ain't trashed the place.

Did you miss me? Us?

Yeah, yeah course! Did you guys have a good time?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, great!

Right, you. Come upstairs with me, help me unpack, we can see

if you've got any presents brought back from Spain, hmm?

Well, don't you want to know where I've been?

You're always OK. You always leave and you're always OK.

I didn't think you wanted me around, Al.

Our dad had just died!

Well, I'm happy, ain't I? Happy he's dead, that's what you said.

Look at you. When have you ever been happy?

DOOR CLOSES

Joey! I'll leave you, you must have a lot to talk about.

Alice, why do you think I came back, eh?

Listen to me, I don't care how angry you are with me,

you ain't doing this on your own.

All right?

Oh, hey! Haven't seen you in a while.

All right, Carol?

Is that for the...?

How are you? Glad your mum's back today, I bet?

If I know anything about teenagers,

you'll have saved all your washing up for her, eh?

It must be hard...after Billie.

Yeah, know what, I've not had a lot of time to think about it,

what with all the arrangements.

Still, if there's one thing I know about, it's funerals.

Do you know, I fancy a cake.

Do you want a cake?

Wish we could stay here for ever, Jack.

Yeah well, you've got a club to run.

And I've gotta go and see Max.

-They're back?

-Yeah. Wonder what they'll think about us.

Bit of good news is just what this family needs.

Can't we just keep it our little secret a bit longer?

Makes it more romantic.

Is this about Phil?

Cos I know he asked you to marry him.

How?

Michael. You told him no, yeah?

Look, imagine if I'd said no

and you found out I was engaged to someone else.

Someone you couldn't stand.

You got to give the man an answer.

Yeah, I know.

We'll tell the family for now.

You can't keep it a secret for ever.

Thought I'd make some dinner. Keep myself busy.

-Anything you fancy?

-Remind me why you're here again, please, Kat?

Dad wouldn't want her on the streets.

-On the streets? Really?

-I don't care what you think of me,

but is this really what Alice needs?

Alice...

Alice, why won't you let me help you, eh?

With the funeral?

I ain't sure about that.

I mean, how am I supposed to know what to do, eh?

I'm not really sure I'm...

You are coming to the funeral? You have to.

You'll need to choose some music, won't you, eh?

Well?

-What, no souvenir sangria?

-Don't muck about, just tell me.

Has she gone?

She's gone.

Sharon called Kim - Kirsty's bed ain't been slept in.

Kirsty going doesn't change what he did.

Well, nothing's going to change what he did, is it? Abi!

If he wants the toy just give him the toy back!

-SHE SQUEALS

-I want my toy back!

Did you get a chance to talk to her?

Who?

Who d'you think?!

No. Not really. Why, what you thinking?

You worried about her?

Not like she's my enemy, is it?

No. She's your wife.

Max isn't just some bloke I've been seeing, is he?

We're a family. You know what that means.

And he has got a point.

We weren't actually together at the time - I mean,

I just shut him out, I wasn't talking to him, nothing.

So it's not that he met someone else, it's that he lied?

Well, I lied to him too - I kept my illness from him for months.

So it's not that he met someone else then?

It's not that he lied...well...?

He married the woman, Sharon!

She's not like his other dirty little bunk-ups.

He actually married her. She's his wife. He's her husband.

-He's YOUR husband.

-Was.

And he was going to let me marry him without telling me.

What does that say about him?

Well, as long as Kirsty's gone, we'll be all right.

Right. Tanya's forgiven you. Clean slate, start again, that's it?

And you never told him you had cancer.

Exactly! What does it say about all of us?

Nah, I didn't say it wouldn't be hard work.

He thought you two were over.

I mean, is it that hard to believe that he was so upset -

he hadn't only lost you, he'd lost his whole family in his eyes

- that he turned to someone else?

Didn't exactly take him long, did it?

Well, you said you'd only known that Greg bloke a couple of months.

So both of you hate being apart so much,

you find comfort with other people.

But Greg's not Max. And she'll never be you.

Still doesn't change the fact he lied to me.

-Cos he didn't want to lose you.

-Because he's a born liar.

-Because he loves you.

-Cos he's weak.

-Cos he can't live without you!

-All right!

Max is here. That's what matters.

He's made his choice.

Me and Tanya - stronger than that, ain't we?

Going to take more than a silly fling to destroy what we've got.

Hey, how's D?

Superior. Defensive. Same as usual.

You want to try working with her. She has got a voice like a foghorn.

Who yanked your chain?

She's in a kind of funny mood. Kinda...enigmatic.

Babe, you even know what that means?

She has been kind of quiet recently.

Thanks, love.

She needs some fun.

Fun is more trouble than it's worth.

Come on, Zee, you don't mean that, babe.

No wonder she's got a face like a wet flannel,

-knocking about with you all day.

-Hey!

-You OK?

-Yeah. You?

Joey doesn't seem to be taking it too well.

Surprising, considering how he felt about Derek.

Wait, you've seen Joey? Where?!

Did you not know, he's...?

Obviously not.

Dunno, maybe I should talk to him. I lost my mum.

No! No. Well, I mean, y'know what he's like.

It'd probably make things worse.

Sorry, it's just family stuff, ain't it?

Babe, I have told you, listen,

you need to keep out of Denise's business.

A double date is a wicked idea!

And I know just the guy.

I tell you what - make it a triple date.

-Mas and myself will come. Make it more of a party.

-See!

When it comes to fun, I knew I could count on you!

But I will find her a date.

Because I know her inside out.

But I'm her sister.

And like I said, I know just the dude.

Hey.

So, you busy tonight?

If you're asking me out, I'm taken.

Well, Max wants us over in the Vic.

Seeing as you've told Phil - thought we could tell them our news.

We haven't even got a ring yet.

Mmm, that's what you think.

Oh, Jack, it's perfect.

Is he all right?

It's hard to tell with him. They're in there.

Kat just let me in.

Look who's here, finally.

Hi.

All right?

Joey's going to live here now.

Oh, are you two OK now then?

We're just choosing music for Dad's...

Come and help.

Please. I'd really appreciate it.

I tried to call you. A few times.

What about this one?

At least it's...hopeful.

And that's what I'm going to think of when I think of Dad.

Hope. And second chances.

Cos I'm so glad I gave him that.

Yeah.

Not everything's worth a second chance, is it?

Yeah. You're right. Alice, listen, you know where I am. Yeah?

You talking about my dad?

-No, Alice, I didn't mean...

-Yeah, you were.

Why don't you just go somewhere else?

Somewhere you actually want to be. It obviously isn't here, is it?!

Oh, look at you two, hard at work.

All work and no play...

You always say that fun's overrated.

No-one pays you to have fun.

See, that is true, Ian. But, Denise, still,

you're hardly an entrepreneur, are you?

You're just selling some groceries on the street.

Anyway! There's a party. At our house.

So don't bother bringing any of your grocery chat.

Since when?!

Since when did you ask so many questions?

It's a party, Dee, not a court case.

You need to loosen up.

Hey.

I'm taking a wild stab in the dark here - I'm guessing the answer's no?

No-one's ever going to have what we have. All that history.

But it's just that, Phil - it's the past.

I want something different.

Jack?

No, it's not a choice between you or Jack - it's about what I need.

And I do need something new.

-Phil...

-What d'you want me to say, Sharon?

Start arguing with you, go and beat him up or something?

If you're happy, well, then so am I.

I don't have to be your wife to care about you.

Sharon, I said I'm happy for you.

OK? She needs feeding, so it's best you go.

Right. And don't forget - a little bit of butter in there.

-Yeah, I know.

-And not too much milk either.

Just add a little bit by a little bit.

-I know how to make mashed potato, Mum.

-Do you now?

-I do.

-Were you taught by the best?

-I was indeed.

-Yeah? Not your father then.

I heard that. All right?

-Steak.

-Lovely.

-I'm making the mash.

-Really?

-Could you see if Oscar wants juice or milk with his, darling?

-Yeah.

Kirsty's gone.

I know. I called from Spain, to check with Sharon.

You do believe me, don't you?

If you and me had been all right, I would have never even looked at her?

He asked for lager!

Makes a change from whisky, don't it?!

I told Jack we'd meet him and Sharon in the Vic tonight.

We don't have to, if you don't want to.

No. That'll be fine. Let's all go, shall we?

If Lauren ever turns up. Yeah, I'm sure Mum will have Oscar.

It'll be nice, won't it? The whole family all back together again.

D'you want to get Oscar his drink?

Next time I want to distract myself, I'll get the Scrabble out.

You want some ice cream?

Ice cream's full of milk and that's meant to be good for you.

Look, Alice, I know that me and your dad...

-I know how you're feeling.

-How could you?

I'm not being rude but...you and my dad had an affair.

A fling. There's no way you could feel the same as me.

My mum's dead. So I can have a good guess.

I thought I'd never eat again, never laugh again,

thought I couldn't go a minute through the day without her

being the only thing I could think about.

But I did.

I didn't know.

Why would you? I'm just saying, you're not the only one.

Zee, they didn't have that fizzy apple stuff you like,

so I decided to...

Oh. Hi. I thought you said this was a party?

This looks more like...a dinner...

Party! Sit down.

Erm, you look nice.

I believe that's my line.

And this is your chair.

Two men fighting over you. Aren't you lucky, Denise?

Yeah, that's me, innit(?)

Ian, you're such a gentleman!

AJ! Pour Denise some wine!

Of course. Say...when.

Well, this is nice. Friends, neighbours...

And maybe more.

-D... D!

-Oh, sorry - when!

So here's to...

-Denise!

-Denise!

-Denise.

-Cheers.

Are you eating properly? Is she eating?

Kat made us a lovely dinner.

Oh. Didn't think you were the dinner type.

Right. I'll leave you to it.

Yeah. Well, it's up to Alice.

Uh, can you stay?

Yeah, course.

I should've come here first, really, shouldn't I, Lauren?

Cos this is what you do, innit? Soon as you don't get your own way.

Why are you being so nasty?

Cos that's what I do. All right?

I don't mean anything to you, do I?

Keep your voice down, please.

Why? Why? I mean nothing so then we're nothing.

There's nothing to keep quiet about!

Lauren, will you stop being a brat. Just for once in your life. Please.

You vanished to who knows where, with who knows who. Then you

just blank me like I don't exist and you expect me to just take it.

You just think I should just forget about everything, yeah?

With Derek and everything? Yeah?

Joey, you hated him.

And that don't make it worse, eh?!

Thing is, when I'm scared and freaking out,

there's only one person that I want near me.

One person that can make me feel like, you know,

everything's going to be all right.

You obviously don't feel the same.

Walking away from people that you're meant to love?

Messing with their heads? Does that remind you of anyone?

Lauren, I'm warning you. All right?

See, it turns out you're more like him than you thought.

Can I get a drink, please?

-Lauren...

-Excuse me! Can I have a drink, please?!

Anyone?

I don't see why I have to come.

She's sick of us already.

Why can't we just stay in? Pubs are boring.

Because me and your dad want to show everyone what a normal,

happy family we are.

Yeah, compared to the Kardashians.

-I understand why you're upset...

-What are you still doing here then?!

You know my mum and dad get back today?

Oi. I'm talking to you!

What do you care?! See, no-one cares, do they?

Everyone just goes around, they just do what they want,

they hurt who they want.

And as long as they're happy that's fine, ain't it?

I love your dad, Lauren.

This messed up situation definitely doesn't make me happy.

So what are you still hanging around for then?

You ever been in love? I'm not some sleazy home wrecker.

Your dad was single.

It was like any two people who meet each other and that's it.

Sit down. Go on.

You're a liability, you know that, Lauren?

She's trying to take my dad away.

Yeah? If he wanted her, he'd be with her, wouldn't he, eh?

He wouldn't be able to keep himself away.

I came back here for Alice. All right, Lauren, she needs me.

But you're what I need.

I'll get another one. Won't be a sec.

Come on. Let's go.

Come on.

Babe, I'll see you in there. I just need to buy some...mints.

Yeah, right, Dad(!) Can you get me some "mints" too?

Don't be cheeky.

Get the beers in.

Yeah, I will.

Some things never change, eh?

Thank God for that.

Ray made the apple pie. It's just like me - fruity and juicy.

Crusty?

THEY LAUGH

AJ! Denise needs custard.

No, I don't.

-Ian. Denise prefers cream.

-Does she?

-Oh!

-Sorry!

look what you've done to her!

I can speak for myself, actually.

That was Ian's fault. Look what you've done to her.

I was just doing what I was told. Again.

-What's that mean?

-Nothing.

Which do you prefer, Denise? Cream or custard?

Denise hates custard!

Oh. I see. Of course. I see. I see.

This is what this "party" is all about.

Setting up the sad old spinster? With the two local desperadoes?

Look, she twisted my arm till my eyes nearly bled.

Ian, even better. And, you?

Erm, I-I still think you're...fit.

Oh, boy...

And you two make a striking couple.

I don't need you two meddling, OK? I'm fine.

What, like the weather? Who wants to be fine?

-Me!

-We're just trying to make you happy, is that so bad?

-Why couldn't you just leave it?

-I am!

Come on, you were gutted when your kids didn't come home for Christmas.

Yeah, failed relationship after failed relationship.

She just hasn't met the right man yet.

-Like me, she's a magnet for the insane.

-I told you already.

Denise doesn't want you all up in her business.

You don't have to lie to us. How can you possibly be happy?

Enough! Enough! All of you just please, please stop going on.

I agree with you. You're right. I'm a failure.

My life is a big fat joke

so actually we're all agreed, aren't we?

No, Denise, we didn't mean it like that. We just thought...

What are you doing here?

Welcome back.

-I thought you'd gone?

-I've been at a mate's.

No-one wants to be on their own at New Year's, do they?

Missed me?

-Kirsty, what're you doing here?

-We need to talk.

Nah, nah, Tanya's in there. You stay away from me, all right?

-I'm working!

-Do you hear me, Kirsty? Stay away from me!

Think maybe Abi was right about staying in.

Bet you can't wait for everything to get back to normal, can you?

You... Are you kidding?

Dad?

Tanya, I don't want any trouble.

-Max!

-Honestly, babe, I thought she'd gone.

She weren't picking up her phone, so I...

-You've been ringing her?

-To make sure she was gone!

-To make sure I stayed.

-What is wrong with you?

-I ain't spoke to her.

-Really? So what was that out there?

You just telling her to stay away, were you?

-Somewhere I couldn't see you?

-What you talking about?

-I didn't know she was there, did I?

-No?

Make her go, Dad.

Max...

Well, go on. Your wife needs you.

Where is everyone?

Can I get you two a drink?

I don't think that's a good idea.

Well, you've won, that's what you think, innit?

So, let me get you a drink.

Not now. Please.

Except all you've won is the embarrassment

of when she comes back to me.

-Oh, is that right?

-Yeah. She always does. You'll see.

Actually, you know what... Let me buy you a drink.

Show there's no hard feelings.

This family, our family,

it's fights, funerals, affairs and fights.

All the time. And I hate it.

And this is all it's ever going to be.

No. Not with you and me, Lauren. Hey. We can be happy.

I promise.

What?

This is where I need to be.

DOOR SLAMS

Tan, just listen to me, will you? Please!

The joke is, it's all true.

My kids ain't bothered.

I've no career...

..and as for men!

Apart from a bunk-up with a fella half me age...

What if this is it for me?

No wonder you lot pity me - so do I!

What?

Pity you? You're strong.

Yeah?

Look at this.

It's a visiting order from Lucas.

The man's poison.

And I'm so weak that I was actually considering going.

Because I thought, at least he loved me...

..once.

Yeah. But you didn't.

And that's because you're strong. You're funny.

Sexy.

You saw those guys in there, they couldn't keep their eyes off you.

And neither could I.

Ray!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd