04/01/2013 EastEnders

It's grief, Lauren.

It is!

Someone close to you dies and even the sanest person can lose the plot.

'Yeah, but Derek weren't close to no-one.'

'Well, yeah. That's even worse, isn't it?

'Cos the thing about death is there's no going back.'

'State the obvious, Mum.'

'Well, it haunts you, don't it?

'All the things you wish you'd said and now you never get the chance.

'Everything you wish you'd done differently, now you can't.'

No, took me a good month and a half

and a self-help book before I could even eat again.

The only thing I remember about my dad's funeral is that I was there.

Yeah, but you liked your dad.

Not about "like," is it?

Family's family, Lauren. No. Poor Joey.

Not going to know his ear from his elbow, is he?

Thing is, if you love your fella, then...

..you've just got to lead by example, haven't you?

Protect them.

Stand by them, never mind what anyone else says.

Are we doing this funeral washing or what?

Yes. Put the blouse in separately. DON'T put it in the dryer. Hurry up then.

TANYA SIGHS

Get up.

-TV:

-'See? What a bonus!'

-Get your suit on, Joey.

-TV CLICKS OFF

Get lost.

-Just get up, will you!

-Get up.

-What you doing?

-Oi!

Ain't a request.

-It's Derek's funeral.

-Yeah, and we owe him.

-Do we?

Yeah, well, the least us four can do for your father today is be there for him, right?...

-KAT:

-Yeah.

That hearse rolls up, you'll be stood on the doorstep. Respectful.

Mm. Yeah, well, thanks for the offer and everything,

but I ain't got a clean shirt.

Yeah, well, you ain't got a choice.

Cheers.

DOOR SLAMS

-TV:

-'And the other great thing about this...'

Do you know what? I am not having you making a show. Not today.

Fighting over my silly little bald brother.

You can't expect Max to make a choice right now.

Every night he's in Tanya's bed, he's "choosing."

Every dinner at her table. Every single time he goes home.

He needs time to get his head straight.

CAROL SIGHS

Ever since Derek died -

on the pavement, in front of Max's eyes -

YOU have hung around, waving your wedding ring

and you still haven't got lucky, have you?

Ain't I?

Right, that is enough, all right?

Now Max might be too soft in the head, too cut up.

But this is you and me. Here. Now.

Now, this is my family together.

And this is Derek's day. Derek's funeral.

And you, Kirsty, you didn't even like him.

And, I tell you what, I won't have you wreck it.

I KNOW Max loves me.

CAROL SCOFFS

Ha!

Prove it. Yeah.

Tell him... Tell him that you're going away.

Today. That you're leaving.

I'm not going to kick off down the crem, Carol.

-It's his brother's funeral.

-Yeah, and if Max loves you,

you'll actually get an invite, won't you?

Cos he won't want to be parted from you.

So tell him, now, that you're leaving.

That is mental.

What? As mental as stalking a husband?

I ain't "stalking"

You're sitting around, waiting like a prize wallflower.

Where's your pride, Kirsty?

Cos if he loves you, he'll choose you.

All right, you've cracked it.

You know, re-decorate the bedroom. I mean, how can Tanya argue with that?

But when he finally, finally tells you to get lost -

when he finally lays his cards on the table in clear little words -

you leave. Today. No contact. Nothing.

And you do not, Kirsty, come to Derek's funeral.

Fine.

Good.

You're clearly grief-stricken.

Your plate's in the post.

That was a mistake.

Been proved to relieve stress, cornflakes have.

Very healing.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. And, you know, a day like today, Alice,

you are going to need your energy and your vitamin B, OK?

Sorry.

Thank you.

Sorry, I-I can't eat.

I know.

I know, it's hard, ain't it? But...

you have a little crunch, yeah? For me?

I'm meant to be...

We still haven't got music for the...

I can't bring myself to go in his bedroom.

And Joey won't come, even though Uncle Jack said,

and Mum won't be there.

ALICE SIGHS TEARFULLY

All Dad ever wanted was his family

and, even today, he won't have his family...

I know.

Look, come on. With me, yeah?

ALICE TAKES A JAGGED BREATH

SHE EXHALES

That's it.

THEY BREATHE TOGETHER

Yeah.

Yeah. Good girl.

Every time I open my eyes, tears just come out.

I can't understand how everyone walks around not crying.

It's like I've got a leak.

No. No, listen to me, right? You have not got a leak.

Has she, Kat, eh?

I keep thinking...

he's going to walk through the door...

and give me a hug.

I know... It-It's denial, Alice...

Stage one...

It's all 100% normal, OK? It is.

I had a look online for you.

"Stages of grief," it's called -

anger, shock, loneliness, hope.

It's just all part of the process, darling.

He's not coming back.

There isn't any hope.

No, no. No.

ALICE SOBS

You miserable, selfish little prat.

MOBILE CHIMES

Oh. Whatever!

Hissy fit, what a surprise(!)

You know what, Lucy? You want to do your prima donna thing,

then you do it.

See if I care. You know what?

When I first met you, I knew you were stuck-up.

Joey...is just a bloke.

He's just one more bloke

and you weren't even seeing him, Lucy, so...

What happened to mates, eh?

You might not want to hear this, but I'm probably the best mate you'll ever get.

LUCY SIGHS

Sorry.

I'm really sorry, Lucy.

No.

You're right.

You're right.

I really don't want to hear a word of it.

GLASS CLINKS

HE SNIFFS

You kicked this one off, Kat, so why don't you tell me, eh? Eh?

How is it, the moment some... some vicious, messed-up little control freak dies,

-that suddenly everyone loves him, eh?

-He's not the point right now.

I got you staging your little intervention here, ain't I?

Got the uncles giving it all the Branning. I got Carol...

Listen to this, right, Carol, wants me to do a speech with the coffin...

How about that?

So what are going for here?

Waiting outside the pub for four hours the day Derek got released out the nick?

Visiting me mum in hospital when he broke her collarbone?

-You don't need...

-Or how about this. How about this, eh?

How about him throwing the jam sandwiches for the one birthday

he ever bothered rolling up to in the washing up bowl in front of my mates?

I mean, that's what paints the man, innit? That's what paints the man.

Seven years old, I was! Seven years old.

Oh, get your head out your backside, will ya?

You've got yourself in such an habit of hating him that you like it.

Right.

Yeah, well it weren't me who said to leave him, was it?

You don't feel guilty about how your dad died? I envy you!

You don't think you owe him anything? That's your call.

But, sure as hell, you are not the only one that man screwed over.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, you know, that was sort of your fault, weren't it?

My choice. I got involved. I take the consequences.

But you are not seven years old.

And you're not the only one that was dealt a bad hand as a kid.

That how it worked, eh?

Derek play Daddy with you an' all, did he?

You've got a little sister.

An innocent, lonely, gutted little sister. Step up!

My sister is nothing to do with you.

Oh, grow up, will ya? She trusts you, don't she?

She trusts YOU.

All right.

Word to the wise -

you chuck that and you don't get it back.

Have you got to have everything that I have?

I mean, are you so jealous

that you just have to go through your life copying me?

Yeah. Yes, that's it, Lucy(!)

"Oh, no. No. Don't call Joey,

"because his daddy's died and he needs time and he needs his family."

I mean, I don't know if you've noticed, Lauren,

but that little boyfriend of yours, he is your family, OK?

You know what? I think I liked it better when you weren't talking.

-Yeah, well, I'm not talking.

-LAUREN SCOFFS

If it's any consolation, it doesn't exactly feel right.

Good!

You don't want him back, do you?

It's just...

..he's so strung out.

It's too much.

I mean, what are you meant to say to your cousin

that's dumped you and now he's come back?

You can't exactly say it's getting back to normal.

SHE SIGHS

And now his dad's died.

And my mum keeps going on about how you should be standing by your man

like some stupid country and western song.

I mean, I feel like I can't breathe, Lucy.

I DON'T want him back.

I love him.

I do.

I think.

No. I do! I obv...!

Obviously, I do love him. It's just...

There's more...

Lucy, it's complicated.

Lauren, how much more complicated can this get?

HE SIGHS

HE SIGHS

I promised I wouldn't say...

OK. You can't tell anyone.

It was me.

I crashed Derek's car.

-So why did...?

-Joey stepped up.

I didn't tell him to.

No-one made him.

He just... He told the police that...

he took his eyes off the road, I don't know.

Why?

Lauren.

You are SO stupid. Are you...? Seriously?

It was just like one drink and that ain't even the point...

See it doesn't even matter how I feel now, Lucy.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

Even if I did actually know...

As long as Joey wants me...

You know.

I mean, you can't dump someone

that's facing court for you, can you?

You stupid alcoholic!

Like... How fair...?

You know... OK.

You know that you don't deserve him. At all.

Lauren, you could have killed Joey!

Shut up!

He tries to rescue you and he takes the flack for you.

And you just...

You don't even have the decency to try and straighten things out?

Has it not run through your head to go down to the police station

and be honest?

Yeah, course it has. I did!

-I did go down...!

-No, Lauren.

Because you're just sitting here on the day of his dad's funeral.

And you just sit and you whinge...

about how it's unfair on you and how it's "too much" for you.

Poor little Lauren.

I do have a criminal record, you know, Lucy.

You don't love him.

I do.

No, you don't.

And that's your answer, Lauren - you don't love him.

You... You're not even there.

You haven't been there.

And you...

The only person you seem to care about

is the person facing you back in the mirror.

And the only bottle you have, Lauren,

is the one stashed under your bed!

Where are you going? No...

-No, don't tell them, please.

-Do you know what...?

I'm only going pick the washing up.

Yeah. I know. Yeah, course. Yeah.

So go and do it. Yeah.

..on this meditation CD...

.."Mindfulness," it's called.

And all them bad thoughts, right?

You just let them float past you like little clouds.

Anyway, it doesn't mean that it don't still hurt

that your sister's a lying...

well, cow-bag, really,

but it does mean that you can get through a pedicure

without stabbing yourself with the nailfile.

Little clouds.

Little clouds.

Alice, if you want me to get the music for the funeral...

No...

No.

Oh.

JOEY SIGHS

I, um....

I ain't got a clean shirt.

You're coming?

Yeah, yeah. Well...

I was going to borrow one of these but...

HE SIGHS

..it sort of creeps me out a bit, you know?

You're coming!

SHE SNIFFS Ooh!

Don't cry.

Oh, it's all right, darling. I've got something in my eye.

It really looks like you both.

I'll take it with me.

Er, can you go and tell Tiff to go and find her swimming costume?

Because Karen'll be here for you both in a minute.

-JACK:

-Listen, call me if you need anything, yeah? Bye.

-That was Dot.

-Mm?

-She's staying put.

Right.

Dad's really upset.

She thinks he knows now -

You know, he was putting his...

He was putting his hands together, praying.

Yeah, that or clapping.

Carol! Come on, it's never good to bury your own kid, is it?

No.

D'you think they made up, Jack?

I mean, whenever I asked Dad,

he'd just do that thing with his eyes.

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

Yeah, I mean, all them Sunday visits...

..Dot and Derek, in his clean shirt.

Derek giving it the large from the end of the bed -

the big "I am."

Dad sitting there, hostage in his own duvet...

THEY LAUGH

Yeah, course they made up.

Dad didn't stand a chance, did he?

Poor little kid.

Clean shirt. Shiny shoes.

"Don't get caught eating the jam out of the jar

"cos Mum'll blame Dad and Dad'll make you neck the lot in one go."

Different time back then, weren't it? Just different ways...

Not everybody fought like a cat and dog though, Jack.

He was just a little kid, weren't he?

Stuck in the middle, always coming up to scratch.

You know that Dad knocked Derek about, don't you?

Yeah, I know. He told me.

It was a long time ago, Carol, all right? It's done now.

He was obsessed, weren't he? About that head of the table thing?

Yes, I know. I'm not going to ruin today.

Nothing is going to ruin today. I'm just saying, that's all.

It wasn't Max that Derek was trying to prove himself to.

Max!

Please.

All right, fine.

-"Fine"?

-Yeah good.

It's not like I've give you hope, is it?

I've not set you up in a flat and kicked the whole thing off again.

You just sussed out I didn't have anyone.

Hang about and boost your ego.

You just give me this ring and a whole lot of fake words and I...

I can't get it off, Max!

Babe, I'm sorry, all right? You know I'm sorry.

SHE CRIES SOFTLY

Come here.

Don't touch me!

Can I at least pay for your train fare?

I hate you! I hate you!

Grief or no grief, if he's letting her bend his ear about lifts,

and I swear I'll swing for her...

What are we even meant to wear?

Your father is letting that Kirsty sweet-talk him

with her sympathy sandwiches.

Well I tell you what, Abs, it's no more patient and understanding.

I'm going to knock some sense into her, funeral or no funeral.

Max? Lauren?

No, no, no!

She's shrunk my blouse. Lauren has shrunk my blouse!

CAROL: There's the flowers.

Carol, this was on the floor.

Oh, cheers.

Oh! The order of service!

-I forgot to get the order of service from the printers.

-It's all right.

-I knew I'd forget something!

-Listen, it's all right.

-We'll go and get it.

-Yeah?

-Come with me, Liam.

We'll just meet you there, yeah?

I love a proper funeral.

Get to my age...

you become quite the connoisseur.

Bit of dignity, bit of gravitas, that's what's called for.

Though I dare say Derek would have opted for the traditional horses

and black feathers wotsit.

I dare say.

But I think he'd be satisfied with the turn out.

I think he'd be quietly pleased, God bless him.

-Mum, I look ridiculous!

-Oh, dear.

I can't get a signal.

Lauren. Where the hell are you?!

Come on.

Lauren's down the police station.

Wha...?

Oh, come on, Max.

For once in your life...

MOBILE RINGS

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd