04/03/2014 EastEnders


04/03/2014

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What's it going to be?

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Sorry, I don't even know what it is that I'm supposed to be looking at.

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Carl's phone.

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So?

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So you killed him.

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Just like you nearly killed that copper in Ibiza. You need help.

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That might have been true once, all right, but it's not true any more.

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You find yourself alone in a prison cell again,

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four o'clock in the morning, and you ask yourself questions.

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-Oh, yeah?

-Yes, Sharon. "Who am I?"

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I mean, really - who am I?

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No-one.

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I can be whoever it is I want to be.

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And do you know what a realisation like that makes me feel?

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It makes me feel free.

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-You're mad.

-Am I?

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Well, I can do what I want right now, then, can't I?

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Go on, then, Sharon, call the cops. I dare you.

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Just like your father was mad.

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What are you waiting for?

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Go on, do your worst, see where it gets you!

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DOOR OPENS

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Amy wanted her bunny.

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-Well?

-Well, what? >

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-< What's stopping you?!

-You need to see a doctor.

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< Notice how you're changing the subject here?

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< How dare you speak to me like this in my own home!

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-RONNIE:

-Well, we all know why you've come crawling back to Phil.

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ARGUMENT CONTINUES FAINTLY IN NEXT ROOM

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Phil, something's kicking off.

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So, Rox, erm, I'm going to need you out of the house for a bit.

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-What?!

-Things are going to be said, and you don't need to hear.

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-What sort of things?

-Just things, all right? Now, don't argue, just...

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-I'm going to sort it out, OK?

-No, cos Amy needs Bunny, so...

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-I'll give Amy her bunny, all right?

-What... Phil!

-Just go! Go.

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Why aren't you doing anything, Sharon? I mean, what's stopping you?

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Is there a problem?

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FRONT DOOR CLOSES

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-Why did you pick up the phone?

-I dunno, Carol.

-You didn't have to.

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For all Bianca knew, we could still be at the hospital.

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Look, I just... I panicked, all right?

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And now she's left thinking there's nothing to worry about.

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So, dump me. No, seriously, dump me. I know you want to.

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You pick up the phone, you see it's Bianca...

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I know, I know. I'm an idiot, all right? I'm an idiot.

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How's she going to react when she finds out the truth?

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I thought I was protecting her.

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Protecting yourself?

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Look, a lousy situation's just got a whole load worse.

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How are we going to fix it, eh?

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Oh, I'm sorry for taking you for granted.

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-Who are you talking to?

-My chesticles.

-Oh, ha-ha!

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Do you know, I never realised how much I loved them until now.

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Well, Martin'll be relieved.

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Do you know what he used to call 'em when we first got together?

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-What?

-Pinky and Perky.

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-What?

-No, we're... We're just forgetting about Mum.

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I mean, it's not over for her yet, is it?

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No, but at least she can concentrate on herself

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and she's not got to worry about us an' all.

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Yeah, you're right. So would we be really bad children if we had a little drink?

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-Let's have a look at what she's got here.

-What about this?

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Oh, no, I can't have whisky, it's disgusting, it makes me sick.

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What's this?!

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Ugh! That must be some weird, horrible drink

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that Pat brought back from Tenerife or something.

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Know what I'm going to do? I am going to go and raid my never-ending

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electric tin and get us a little bottle of something to celebrate.

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-Lovely.

-What's so funny?

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Ooh, mwah! Oh, I love you! I love you so much!

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-When's dinner?

-Oh, Son, do me a favour -

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stick the oven on and give him a plate of nuggets and chips?

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I'll be ten minutes.

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What's got into her?

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We're just happy, that's all.

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HE SIGHS

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So I've virtually done a whole day baby-sitting and guess what,

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-she didn't even pay me!

-That's not on, is it?

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No. No, it ain't. I feel like chucking a brick through her window,

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and I would if it weren't for her kids! And Carol.

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Jay, what am I going to tell Pops?

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You can't lend me a tenner, could you?

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-HE SIGHS

-Oh!

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-Oh, here y'are!

-Forget it!

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Rox! When did you get back?

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You all right?

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How was Ibiza?

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-Awful.

-Really? Why?

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Too long, too complicated.

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So you've come to have a little sulk on the swings, have you?

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I remember doing that when I was a kid.

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I'm not a kid.

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Didn't say you was, did I?

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Don't stop 'em, though, does it, hmm? Treating you like one.

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Who?

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Oh, Ronnie, Phil, everyone.

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You know something, it don't matter how old you get,

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you'll always be the baby of the family.

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-And they will always let you know it.

-Stand up to them, then!

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Easier said than done.

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And it don't help being back in that house.

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You got money, why don't you move out?

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Cos that'd take, like, mortgages and solicitors and decisions.

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And I REALLY can't face it.

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Why not? Cos that's the sort of stuff grown-ups do?

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Are we going to sit here all day, or are we going to sort this out?

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Why don't you ask the rabbit?

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I'm not having her living here, Phil.

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Don't think I won't go to the police if I have to.

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Sharon, no-one is going to go to the police.

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-And you can keep your gift.

-Oh...

-I don't want it.

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What, am I supposed to be offended, Sharon?

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Give it to me.

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-What?

-The phone.

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-I don't think so.

-Just for safekeeping.

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-And why should I trust you?

-You clearly don't.

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-Or you wouldn't have tried that stunt of putting yourself in control of the new bar.

-What's that?

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It's between me and Sharon.

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Now give me the phone or you can kiss goodbye to your bar.

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Take this upstairs and give it to Amy.

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Me and Ronnie are going to have a little chat.

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DOOR SLAMS SHUT

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Don't think for one minute this means I'm on your side.

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I have never, never understood what you saw in her.

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For one thing, I like the fact she stands up to me.

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Not a lot of women can do that. Which is why it ain't a good idea to wind her up.

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-Because she can be a bit unpredictable.

-She's bluffing.

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Maybe. And maybe not.

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And that's the other reason I like about Sharon.

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You never can tell. Which keeps you on your toes.

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Phil, why have you still got the phone?

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Dead bodies have a habit of turning up when you least want 'em to.

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This one won't.

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Call it insurance.

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But you just said no-one's going to call the police.

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No-one's going to call the police cos you're going to do what Sharon wants and move out.

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What? No, I don't think so.

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Listen, I'm just being practical, all right? It's the easiest way.

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Easiest way for who? For you? Not for me.

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My-My sister's here, my niece is here...

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I've heard all about your holiday,

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so don't try and play the family card on me, all right?

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She still here?

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-Just give me a couple of minutes.

-Is she leaving or isn't she?

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-We're trying to sort it out, all right?!

-Fine.

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Denny!

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What are you doing?

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He's not living here with her. You'll see me when you see me.

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-Denny, put your toothbrush and your PJs in your school bag and come down now, please.

-Where are you going?

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-None of your business.

-I'm talking her round. Give me a chance, will ya?

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Like you said, Phil, I don't trust you. Denny!

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Sharon, promise me you ain't going to do anything stupid. Please.

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Depends what you mean by "stupid". Some people might call it sensible.

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All right, Sharon?

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Not really. Denny, I'm not going to ask you again!

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Like I need this, eh?

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What if she goes to the police?

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Well, hopefully - hopefully - she'll calm down.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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-What's the matter with Sharon?

-All right, Jay?

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All right. Knew you was back, I just saw Roxy.

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-Yeah. It's nice to see you.

-Yeah, and you.

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Erm, look, we can talk about this later.

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Erm, I've got to go, I've got an appointment.

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Where are you going?

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I've got to go and get the keys for the gym.

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Yeah, well, we haven't finished our conversation, have we?

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You can come with me. Jay, will you look after Amy?

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-Yeah, course I will.

-Come on, then.

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-Did you cheat?

-No!

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-Did you copy it off the web?

-No.

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This is really good. I don't know what to say.

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You'll soon be as brainy as your old man, here.

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Yeah, and as bald, most likely.

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That's very good. Funny and clever.

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My teacher said about A levels. Maybe even uni.

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Seriously? Who'd have thought, eh?

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-Thanks, Dad - had high hopes for me, did you(?)

-No, no...

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I'm just really proud of you.

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You know, my little lad, a scholar.

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You know, your future's really bright. It's great.

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What about that car, then, eh?

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Don't push it.

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Moped?

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Tell you what I'll do, I'll cook us a nice steak and kidney pie for tea.

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How about that? I can't wait to see Bianca's face when she sees this.

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-And your mum's.

-Oh, Dad, don't, please. It's just one mark.

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Let's wait and see.

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But they'll be chuffed to bits.

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All right, maybe Mum.

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Oh, mate, I'm so made up for you. This is so good!

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Ha!

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And maybe next year we'll see about that moped, eh?

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Ha-ha!

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-TV:

-'Sharks can scent blood from a mile away...'

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There you go. I packed your bags for you.

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Get a move on, you might catch that last train.

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I'm not going anywhere.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Yeah.

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You all right?

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Ian, look, I need to ask a favour. Can Denny stay at yours tonight?

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What's happened?

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Just say yes or no, eh?

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It's not a good time at the moment...

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Yeah, go on, Bobby's upstairs in his room.

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I'll see you later, darling. Give us a kiss. Mwah! Bye, baby.

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Yeah, I've got problems of my own at the moment.

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-Cindy's gone and got herself pregnant.

-Ian, you're joking?

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-No.

-Listen, we'll find somewhere else, it doesn't matter...

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Sharon, it's fine, OK?

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Come on - what's Phil done this time?

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I just need someone to talk to.

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Oh, well, probably not best to do it here.

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-We'll go to the caff, grab a cuppa, yeah?

-OK.

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-TV:

-'..Really dynamic hunters.'

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Just got to pop out for a bit.

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The boys are upstairs, if you could listen out for 'em?

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-TV:

-'Yep, it may sound bonkers, but me and the crew...'

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-PHONE BLEEPS

-'..are going overboard.'

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-DOOR CLOSES

-'The only way to understand a shark...'

-Liam? 'Sup?

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MUSIC BLARES IN BACKGROUND

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-She wants to keep it?

-Yep.

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It's just like having her mother back.

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If I weren't such a nice bloke, I'd do something.

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-Hello, darling.

-You all right?

-Yeah. You look happy.

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Yeah, me mum got the all clear for the cancer gene thing.

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-That's fantastic.

-So me and Sonia are going to have a little drink. Want to come?

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-Got money for booze then, eh?

-Lola...

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-What's that about?

-Oh, er, I was a bit out of order to her.

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I'll sort it out with her later. Come on.

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It should be me that tells 'em. It was my screw up, weren't it?

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-Yeah, I know it was your screw up.

-So why not?

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Because I'm their mother, I'm the one with the dodgy gene -

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it has to come from me.

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So what are you're going to say to 'em? Eh?

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Sonia's going to be all right. Bianca's going to fall apart.

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Come here.

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Is this...where you say, "Am I forgiven?" Yeah?

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No.

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Well, maybe.

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And like an idiot, I always do.

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Max. Forgot to get back to him.

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Oh! Like that time I caught you kissing Stephanie Dobson.

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-Stephanie Dobson.

-Yeah.

-Do you know, that was nearly 40 years ago!

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Yeah, in this caff.

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Did you bring me back here for old times' sake?

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-Humph!

-Yeah, well, I didn't think you and I were that serious.

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-Not then.

-Well, I did!

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Don't be silly. I was a teenager, weren't I?

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Yeah, you're still a teenager.

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Come on, we need to get this over with.

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-Do you remember that magazine?

-What?

-The wedding magazine.

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Yeah, I know what magazine.

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-Well?

-You're unbelievable.

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She only buys presents for everyone. All picked up at the airport.

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It's not like any thought had gone into it.

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-Do you know what she gets me?

-What?

-Crimson lipstick.

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-Like that's ever going to buy me off.

-Buy you off?

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Come on, Sharon, this is me you're talking to.

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No, I'm not dragging you into it.

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Not when you've got this Cindy business hanging over you.

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Should've slung her out, shouldn't I?

0:14:100:14:12

Like Pauline and Arthur were going to do with Michelle that time?

0:14:120:14:15

-Yeah, but they didn't.

-Mm.

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For the same reason you didn't sling her mother out.

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Same reason I keep ending up back with Phil.

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Come on, can't you even give me a hint of what it is?

0:14:240:14:27

Look, it's serious. That's all I'm saying.

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All right, so how can I help?

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I need to make a decision.

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Do I go to the police or don't I?

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Get your hands up, tuck your elbows in. That's better.

0:14:400:14:46

What does it feel like to break someone's nose, Phil?

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You've done that, haven't you? Does it feel good?

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Or do you feel bad about it afterwards?

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I have done. Yeah.

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Felt bad? Oh, I'm surprised. I thought you didn't do guilt.

0:15:000:15:04

HE SCOFFS

0:15:040:15:05

You clearly don't, do ya?

0:15:050:15:07

What's that phrase you always say - "Guilt's for wimps"?

0:15:070:15:11

So how comes you got the keys for this place today?

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You've only been back five minutes.

0:15:170:15:19

I'm a cash buyer, aren't I? I can hit the ground running.

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Made business sense for them to hand it over as soon as.

0:15:220:15:26

And a little bit of charm didn't go amiss either.

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So what are you going to do with the place?

0:15:290:15:32

-Well, I'm going to make some money, hopefully.

-Ain't you got enough?

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Ha! You're asking me that?

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I would've thought, with all the money you got off Carl,

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you'd be thinking about putting your feet up.

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Who says I had anything off Carl?

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How else did you get the money for this place, eh?

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That was MY money, Ronnie. And you know it.

0:15:520:15:55

I'm, er...glad I kept this.

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Not so much an insurance policy, more of a...credit guarantee.

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Oh! Well, at least I know where we stand now.

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Yeah, well, I never have liked people ripping me off. I... I do things.

0:16:100:16:14

Yeah, so do I.

0:16:140:16:16

Don't worry, Phil. You're going to get your money.

0:16:200:16:23

So why did you tell Sharon?

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I didn't. She found the phone and started asking questions.

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And then you told her?

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HE SIGHS

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She knows when I'm lying these days.

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What makes you so sure she ain't going to spill the beans?

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I ain't. Like I say, she can be unpredictable.

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SHE SIGHS

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Well, I guess I'll leave the worrying to you, shall I?

0:16:400:16:43

You know what I think?

0:16:440:16:46

What do you think, Phil?

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I think this new you is just a big act.

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How are your tummy muscles these days?

0:16:550:16:58

-I work out.

-Do you?

0:16:580:17:00

As to me putting on an act... I guess we'll have to wait and see.

0:17:050:17:10

I think we're done here, aren't we?

0:17:120:17:14

One of my biggest regrets with Ben is I didn't go to the police sooner.

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Now, I don't know what Phil's done,

0:17:240:17:26

but if it's reached the stage where you're thinking about going to the police, then I say yes.

0:17:260:17:30

This isn't for the reasons you're thinking.

0:17:300:17:33

It's got nothing to do with me and Phil. It's about you.

0:17:330:17:36

You're a good friend.

0:17:380:17:40

I've got to get going. You coming?

0:17:420:17:43

No, not yet. Things to do.

0:17:430:17:46

So if it had gone the other way, how would you react?

0:17:540:17:57

-Fine.

-So it wouldn't be a problem?

0:17:570:18:00

Well, a situation like that is always going to be a problem, ain't it?

0:18:000:18:03

-So how can you say "fine" then?

-Because.

0:18:030:18:06

No "because" it would be a problem' - you just said it.

0:18:060:18:10

And you wonder why I don't trust you.

0:18:100:18:11

I thought you did trust me?

0:18:110:18:13

Not after saying things like that, Tel.

0:18:130:18:15

This is like boxing an octopus.

0:18:150:18:17

-Right, now they're both refusing to eat their nuggets.

-Right.

0:18:170:18:20

-Go on, then, give us a couple?

-Mmm, they're lovely.

0:18:200:18:23

I've had enough of this. Oi, you two, eat them nuggets.

0:18:230:18:25

-Skin, bone, cartilage, intestine...

-Yeah, right, whatever.

0:18:250:18:29

-You didn't mind when you didn't know, did you?

-Only now, we do.

0:18:290:18:32

-I'll have theirs.

-Hands off, please!

0:18:320:18:34

You don't eat them, you're having nothing.

0:18:340:18:35

-SONIA: Shall I throw these away?

-You shouldn't, because if you don't eat the nuggets...

0:18:350:18:39

See Timothy here? He is going to the great compost heap in the sky.

0:18:390:18:43

So, make your mind up time.

0:18:430:18:46

MARKET HUBBUB MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:18:500:18:53

Ritchie.

0:18:530:18:54

Stop worrying. Everything's under control.

0:18:570:19:00

Are we done now?

0:19:030:19:05

What's wrong?

0:19:070:19:08

Nothing, I'm fine. Why shouldn't I be?

0:19:100:19:12

I don't think I can do this.

0:19:180:19:21

I'll handle Max. You wait here.

0:19:210:19:24

When I've done that, you and me can tell the kids together, yeah?

0:19:240:19:27

Yeah, yeah, OK.

0:19:270:19:29

-Are we still...?

-What?

0:19:290:19:31

Never mind.

0:19:330:19:34

-Well, sorry, but I haven't been able to get over there today.

-DOOR OPENS

0:19:400:19:43

Cos I've been stuck in the office with no cover. Hang on a minute.

0:19:430:19:47

-Where've you been?

-Put the phone down, mate.

0:19:470:19:49

-You knew I had to get over to Dagenham.

-Put it down.

0:19:490:19:51

-Why?

-You want to know where I've been?

0:19:510:19:55

I've been at the hospital with Carol.

0:19:550:19:58

Steve. Can I call you back, mate? All right, cheers.

0:20:010:20:06

I don't remember you asking if you could use that.

0:20:110:20:13

That's because I didn't ask.

0:20:130:20:15

What's the matter, you worried what I might come across?

0:20:150:20:17

Where've you been, anyway?

0:20:170:20:19

Giving Ronnie's gym the once over.

0:20:200:20:22

What are you doing?

0:20:220:20:24

-Well, I thought, if you can do it, I can too.

-Do what?

0:20:240:20:27

Play the property game.

0:20:270:20:28

-Thought I might put an offer in at number 27.

-Janine's old gaff?

0:20:280:20:31

-I prefer to think of it as Dad's old gaff.

-You can't.

0:20:310:20:34

-What do you mean, "I can't"?

-But that wasn't part of the plan. We were supposed to live together.

0:20:340:20:38

-"Plan"!

-Amy wants to watch a DVD down here, would that be all right?

0:20:380:20:41

I'm watching the footie later.

0:20:410:20:43

If Amy wants to watch a DVD, that's absolutely fine, Jay.

0:20:430:20:46

Problem?

0:20:490:20:51

-You are so dead!

-Come on, give me a chance, it's the first time I've played this one!

0:20:550:20:59

-No, you are going down.

-I'm going to get away, I'm going to get away!

0:20:590:21:02

-You're not.

-What?!

-Yes!

0:21:020:21:05

-You're actually pretty good for a girl.

-You want to go again?

0:21:050:21:09

DOOR OPENS

0:21:090:21:11

That'll be him. He's going to freak. Go.

0:21:110:21:13

TV BLARES

0:21:130:21:14

Who was that?

0:21:140:21:16

-Liam Butcher.

-What?

0:21:240:21:27

-Is he the father of the baby?

-No way!

0:21:270:21:29

Yeah, you would say that, wouldn't you?

0:21:290:21:31

Well, it's about as bad as it gets, really?

0:21:370:21:40

Well, not necessarily. But you'll have to have the test yourself.

0:21:420:21:46

It's funny, ain't it.

0:21:510:21:54

I'd sort of convinced myself it was all going to be all right.

0:21:540:21:57

Yeah, me too. It's called wishful thinking.

0:21:570:21:59

She'll probably have to lose the other breast.

0:22:030:22:06

And her ovaries as well.

0:22:060:22:08

-How's she taken it?

-You know what she's like.

0:22:120:22:15

More worried about other people than herself.

0:22:150:22:17

But that's her all over.

0:22:170:22:19

What do I say to Abi and Lauren?

0:22:210:22:23

You don't need to say anything yet, Max.

0:22:230:22:26

Not till you've had the test. And only then if it's positive.

0:22:260:22:29

Abi can't have the test till she's 18. Same for Oscar.

0:22:290:22:32

Jack's girl, Derek's kids...

0:22:320:22:35

Anyone on your mother's side.

0:22:350:22:36

Where is Carol? I'd like to see her.

0:22:390:22:42

Well, we ain't told the girls yet. So let her deal with that first...

0:22:420:22:45

Yeah, yeah. Course, yeah.

0:22:450:22:47

Are you going to be all right? Cos I've sort of left her in the car.

0:22:520:22:55

Yeah, course. Yeah, go on.

0:22:550:22:56

Who'd have thought it, eh?

0:22:590:23:02

All them years ago?

0:23:020:23:03

Branning boys running me out of town.

0:23:050:23:07

And here we are.

0:23:100:23:11

You still going to marry her?

0:23:170:23:19

That's all up for grabs at the moment, but...

0:23:210:23:23

Problem?

0:23:250:23:26

No, just... Just take care of her.

0:23:290:23:31

Course.

0:23:330:23:34

Just be straight with them.

0:23:410:23:44

I know that sounds funny, coming from me,

0:23:440:23:46

but it'll be easier in the long run.

0:23:460:23:49

Could've been a lot worse.

0:24:060:24:08

KNOCKING ON HOUSE DOOR

0:24:080:24:10

What?

0:24:100:24:11

Ian Beale's knocking on our front door. He picks his moments.

0:24:110:24:15

-KNOCKING CONTINUES

-Hang on...

0:24:150:24:17

Well, that wasn't so difficult, was it, eh?

0:24:170:24:20

-KNOCKING BECOMES LOUDER

-Timothy survives to live another day. All right!

0:24:200:24:23

Someone needs to empty the bin before she looks.

0:24:230:24:25

BANGING ON DOOR

0:24:250:24:28

Where is he?

0:24:280:24:29

Think you could just run away and I wouldn't realise, that it?

0:24:290:24:32

What is your problem? Do you think you can barge in here without asking?

0:24:320:24:35

-Ask him.

-What are you talking about, Ian?

0:24:350:24:38

Liam. He's got Cindy up the duff.

0:24:380:24:40

What's he doing in there?

0:24:420:24:44

I can't have a conversation with the girls if he's around.

0:24:440:24:47

-If he's not out in the next five minutes, I'm going to go in there and drag him out.

-Yeah.

0:24:470:24:52

Anyway, thanks for talking to Max. I really appreciate it.

0:24:520:24:55

No problem.

0:24:550:24:56

And...I found this, by the way.

0:24:580:25:00

It was in my bag all the time.

0:25:000:25:03

-You said you weren't interested.

-No, no, no, I'll hang on to it.

0:25:030:25:07

You never know, I might take a look at it one of these days.

0:25:070:25:10

-ANSWER MACHINE:

-'You have one new message.'

0:25:170:25:19

PHIL: 'I don't know where you are, but we'll never sort this out until you're back.

0:25:190:25:23

'I'm handling Ronnie, all right, but I have to do it my way.

0:25:230:25:27

'Now come home, please.'

0:25:270:25:29

All right, Jay, check this out.

0:25:370:25:39

"Great family home situated in a quiet square."

0:25:390:25:41

-How dull does that sound?

-Nothing about the blood stains in the kitchen, then?

0:25:410:25:45

-That's not funny, Jay.

-You're the one wants to move there.

0:25:450:25:47

I bet there's not a single house that old anywhere that hasn't

0:25:470:25:51

-had something...horrible happen in it.

-Certainly round here.

0:25:510:25:55

Why did you go and say that, Jay? I'm all worried now.

0:25:550:25:58

Tell you one thing - if word gets around,

0:25:580:26:01

these houses will be hard to sell.

0:26:010:26:04

If you kick up a fuss with the agent, you might get, like, 20 grand knocked off.

0:26:040:26:08

-I never thought of that.

-Michael's last gift from the grave.

0:26:080:26:12

Sorry, can we help you?

0:26:120:26:14

-No, it's all right.

-What do you think, Ron?

0:26:140:26:17

-Think about what?

-Roxy moving into number 27.

0:26:170:26:21

it's nothing to do with me, apparently.

0:26:210:26:24

Please, can you just shut up?! I'm trying to watch the telly!

0:26:240:26:27

What are you looking for, anyway?

0:26:270:26:29

-TV:

-'You'll be so jealous, he won't care...'

0:26:290:26:31

Looking for this?

0:26:440:26:45

-Give it to me, Phil.

-No way.

0:26:470:26:50

Amy wants seconds. Is there any left?

0:26:500:26:52

What's the problem now?

0:26:550:26:57

Ronnie's upset about you moving out, ain't you, Ron?

0:26:570:27:00

Oh, yeah? Nothing to do with Sharon?

0:27:000:27:02

Why do you say that?

0:27:020:27:04

Because I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks. Well?

0:27:040:27:08

What is the one thing all three of you have got in common?

0:27:090:27:12

Eh? Jack Branning. No wonder he did a runner.

0:27:120:27:16

-Phil?

-What?

-I don't want to bother you,

0:27:160:27:19

but there's a police car just pulled up outside.

0:27:190:27:21

DOORBELL RINGS

0:27:210:27:23

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