26/05/2014 EastEnders

You're going into work early! It's Bank Holiday!

Erm, I'm expecting a delivery. Oh, lovely!

Hey!

What's mine is yours, what's yours is mine.

Isn't that the way this marriage lark works?

In fact, I'll tell you what. Let's start as we mean to go on, shall we?

-Full of it, ain't he?

-Yeah, he's full of it.

-All right?

-What've you got there?

-Wedding breakfast. It will be...

-Once we've baked the cake.

-Change?

-Iced the chocolate log.

-Defrosted the drumsticks.

-See you in a bit.

-See you.

Has he got at you, too?

Is that why you've not said anything?

I need to speak to your grandad first.

Fat chance in this madhouse...

Hang on a minute, what do you mean, "got at me, too"?

Has he asked you to keep schtum about this?

LAUGHTER

-'And keep 'em closed.

-'What for?

'I want to show you something!

'And how am I going to see it if my eyes are shut?'

Why is it, right, you've got an answer for everything?

-What are you doing?

-And, you. Keep your mince pies closed.

-Why?

Just humour him, Nance, I ain't had my breakfast yet!

Tiles have arrived.

-Is that it? Is that the big surprise?

-No, no.

-Painters have finished an' all.

-Oh, have they?

-That's probably what it was.

-I have got to see this!

Ain't you got an exam to go to? Come here.

Sorry. Should I have not said?

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

They didn't knock off till late last night.

So, I didn't get a proper pipe till just now.

Well, what do you think?

Looks better than it did a couple of days ago.

Leave it out, Nance!

It looked better after the Blitz than it did a couple of days ago!

It's OK.

OK?

Gotcha!

LINDA LAUGHS

-Oi! Good luck!

-Thanks.

So, this is it. New-look boozer. New looking sign on the way.

Brand new start.

Thanks to Auntie Shirl.

If it weren't for her, we wouldn't be here in the first place, would we?

Come on, you.

Mick?

-About last week.

-Forget it.

Right. I think we should have a celebration.

A big family lunch. All of us.

I'll cook us a nice bit of grub. What do you reckon?

Lovely. So, who was that then?

Oh, my brief.

Reminding me of the court case tomorrow. Ten o'clock.

So, all the more reason.

Let's enjoy ourselves today.

Hey, Tam, you forgot your sandwiches...

-Someone been sending you flowers?

-No, no, it's...

I need to speak to you.

Well, I need to speak to your mum first.

Right, out the way.

-You all right? Come to help?

-No, just wanted to drop that off.

What's that?

What is it?

My passport!

Updated. Good for a few years yet.

-Which is just as well.

-Cheers.

-Cos we've got that.

And that.

Where's that, the Caribbean?

Florida Keys, we fly out day after the wedding.

Nice early evening flight. And that's where we're staying.

I can't. I've got an appointment with the consultant that afternoon!

I spoke to him, we're only going for a couple of weeks, aren't we?

He said to go and have a lovely time.

And come back when you're nice and tanned. And rested.

Well, not too rested, eh?

Get a room!

-Do you like it, then?

-Very!

I just don't get it.

Who in their right mind would send something like this to a funeral?

You really have no idea?

Well, someone who knew Lucy, obviously,

but apart from that, not a clue.

I checked. There's nothing else on it, just that.

And you don't recognise the writing or...?

Cheers.

Tam?

Looking good.

Yeah.

Everything else OK?

Thanks, Phil, OK?

The other night, I was a mess, I know.

You had a lot on your mind, didn't you?

I won't say anything, you know.

That's between you and Mick.

You won't say anything cos there's nothing to say!

Simple enough, ain't it?

Even for a bonehead like you?

Don't forget the tea, will you? I owe you 40p.

Hi. You got any empty boxes?

-Having a clear-out, Ian?

-Yeah, it's not a museum, is it?

Lucy's room. All her stuff.

I've got to start somewhere.

Thank you.

Sharon.

-What was that all about?

-Don't know.

I feel really guilty. Not been over for ages.

Maybe I'll pop and see him, eh?

Nah. Leave it to me. I'll nip over there later.

-Check he's OK.

-You sure?

-Yeah. See you soon, yeah.

-OK.

-Ta-ra.

Hey, I only said, "Dig me out a change of clothing."

-You didn't have to bring 'em over!

-I'm not stopping.

Still not crazy about this. You lying for me.

I told you, if a judge sees a young lad up for handling,

he'll throw the book at you.

An old guy like me? Slap on the wrists.

I suppose.

Feeling the cold?

Oh!

Can't be too careful. My time of life.

So, a chill's a no-no, but prison's OK, is it?

Prison?! Come on!

Dean?!

All right?

Brought some of Grandad's stuff over. Just in case.

In case of what?

Oh. Yeah.

-Anyway...

-Now that you're here.

I'm cooking a bit of munch later.

Plenty to go round if you fancy joining us?

Yeah.

Oh. Wotcher!

Come on, then. Out with it.

-What's the matter? You've been in a funny mood all weekend.

-Yeah.

That's what it does to you, ain't it?

What's that?

Well, you know, a day or two before the wedding,

you find out your dad's been cheating on your mum.

-Puts you in a bit of a funny mood.

-Oh, yeah?

Who've I been cheating with? Hmm?

-Oh, so it's not just Nikki, then?

-Nikki?

Me and Nikki?!

-Are you having a laugh?

-Dad, don't lie to me,

cos this is too serious!

-You can't be, darling, cos she's an airhead.

-Never stopped you before.

Get real, will you, love?

Liam's told me.

He's told me everything. He's told me he saw you.

Give me one good reason, one good reason, why I don't tell Mum?

All right.

She can't help herself, that one, can she?

Makes a pass at anyone in a pair of trousers.

So, is that what happened then, she come onto you?

Yes, darling. She did.

Once and once only.

I mean, come on, Bianca, think about it.

Your mum and I are finally getting wed, after all these years,

do you seriously think I'd put that at risk for a slapper like Nikki?

Well, why'd you tell Liam to keep schtum then?

Because I know how you'd react!

You'd go off on one, your mum certainly would and for what?

For nothing. No, less than nothing.

A liberty-taking bimbo, who's not right in the head.

She's not.

And you know the worst thing?

Then she'd have got exactly what she wanted.

I mean, look what she was like with you and Terry at Christmas.

She sees anyone happy, she just wants to spoil it.

Is this why I've been getting the evil eye all weekend?

Me and Nikki?

For crying out, Bianca.

Give me some credit at least.

-That figures, don't it?

-What?

-Rubbish.

-Putting out the rubbish.

-Excuse me?

-Is that what you said to him?

Or did you just make your move straightaway?

Cos my dad's right, Nikki,

you can't stand anyone being happy, can you?

You just have to ruin it. You done it to me and Terry,

and now you're trying to do it to my mum and dad.

-I don't know what you're talking about.

-You really are a slapper,

-aren't you? He's right.

-Bianca, what's happening?

-Go on, tell me.

-Go for it.

-Her - making a move on my dad.

Ignore her, Terry, she's got a screw loose.

You ever pull a stroke like that again...

-Pulling your dad?

-..I will knock you out...

-I'd have to be desperate.

-..do you understand me?

-An old man like him?

-He's a man, Nikki!

That's enough for you, isn't it?

An old man that's about to marry some frumpy, old cow?

Please!

NIKKI SCREAMS

Terry!

Cheers.

Phil came to see me, had a word.

-What about?

-Me and you.

He reckons maybe we should have a word, too.

Yeah, maybe we should.

Maybe we could go for a walk after lunch or something?

-I could come with you if you want.

-Where?

Court tomorrow. Have a word with the judge.

-Make sure he throws away the key?

-Yeah, that sort of thing.

-Dean's already said he'd come with me.

-No need to bother Dean.

Least he can do.

Me putting him up and that.

But cheers, son. Much appreciated.

Ian?

Ian? Mind if I come in?

Give me a hand if you like.

Yeah, course I will, if you're sure.

I told you, I can't go on living in a museum.

It's not going to bring her back, is it?

She's not going to moan at me for putting coffee in her mug,

or dunk another tea bag in it.

Not going to leave her straighteners and her hairdryer on the floor.

I cleared out most of my mum's stuff after she died.

Don't stop me still seeing her, though -

over the caff, in the car lot.

Do you know what? I wish she was still here.

I mean, she...

Whatever happened, whatever went wrong,

Pat always knew what to do.

Always knew when you were in trouble.

-Yeah, probably cos I was never out of it.

-Probably.

She was the one who told me Cindy had died.

Was she?

She was there with me when I told the kids, as well.

I couldn't have done that without her.

Hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Well, I thought it was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do.

There are people that can help you, mate.

OK, your mum's not here. My mum's not here.

But there's other people that can help you through this.

And professionals, you've not even picked this up yet.

There's people who can help you through this, Ian.

There's a way through, is there?

There's always a way through. Always.

I mean, look at me, my mum wouldn't recognise me -

the original walking, talking disaster

about to become a respectable family man.

I mean, who'd have laid any sort of odds on that, eh?

-You and David?

-In her twisted imagination.

-Why would she imagine something like that?

-I don't know, Tel.

She used to be your girlfriend, you tell me.

Bianca does fly off the handle, fair enough.

I could have done her for assault, you do realise that, don't you?

Not usually for no good reason, though,

and I had wondered about the two of you myself.

Hi. Ian said he's left last week's wages in the till.

-Yeah, they're in there.

-Oh, cheers.

-All right, Carol?

-All right?

-Good luck for tomorrow.

-Cheers.

Yeah, you picked a really good one there.

-Thank you.

-See you later.

All right, we might have had a little cuddle,

but that was a couple of weeks ago.

-I weren't about to tell Bianca that, was I?

-No.

-Not being funny, he was up for it just as much I was.

-I bet he was.

And maybe a kiss, but that was a few months ago.

Great.

-I've spoke to your grandad.

-And?

Well, he's explained everything.

Don't tell me - I was hallucinating.

No. You saw what you saw.

But you just didn't see what happened after.

You know, when he told her to do one and knocked her back.

He told her he didn't want to know, Liam.

Look, it ain't what it looked like to you, is it?

Look, Mum, I know what I saw.

And what I saw in that text, too.

Everything all right with Grandad?

-What do you mean?

-What's the deal with the scarf?

He picked up a bug the other week, had a cough, it must be that.

I've not heard him cough once since I got here.

Right. Dishing up in about five minutes.

Mick, what's the deal with Grandad's scarf?

Oh, yeah. It's ridiculous, innit? At his age.

You watch, he'll be wearing a syrup next.

So how did it go?

-Went all right, I think.

-Good boy.

Yes, Carl, what can I get you?

Here.

You need to speak to me? What about?

Found this earlier.

-Your birthday card?

-Yeah.

Everyone signed it. Some people even left messages.

-That's yours.

-Yeah?

And this is yours, as well.

The writing's exactly the same.

Well, it was...

What? A joke? What if Ian had read it?

What if Peter had read it? What were you thinking?

What's the point?

-MICK:

-Enjoy.

-Bit weird all this, ain't it?

-What?

-Dean.

This caring grandson act,

couple of weeks ago he'd washed his hands of all of us.

Maybe he's had a change of heart.

-Maybe.

-What does that mean?

Oi, oi!

Bianca's on the warpath, she's been bending my ear about you.

-So listen to me.

-Keep your loon of a daughter away from me.

Bending your ear? Lucky you.

Cos I've been on the receiving end of some serious bodily harm.

-You ain't said nothing, have you?

-Not to her, no.

-To anyone?

-No, not really.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-I said, didn't I? No!

It's true, ain't it? My dad and that trollop.

I tried to tell Liam what he told me. I nearly bought it an' all.

But, saying it out loud, I could hear how it sounded.

And it turns out there's a text message from her an' all.

-It was only a hug, weren't it? Nothing else.

-You knew about this?

I only found out today, didn't I?

And there was something that happened a few months ago an' all.

Nikki's trouble, she's always been trouble.

But it does take two, don't it?

Look, please don't go off the handle on this.

You know, it's Nikki we're talking about here.

Didn't stop him, though, did it?

-Hey, I want a word.

-That's funny, I wanted a word with you an' all.

-About Grandad.

-Great minds.

So, this court case of his... It is his, isn't it?

Sure, you go first.

What?

It's just something Grandad said the other day got me thinking.

It's not really his style, is it, dealing dodgy phones?

And, even if it was,

I don't think he'd be so stupid as to actually get caught.

And what with you being all nice to him all of a sudden,

-going and fetching his stuff an' that.

-All right. It wasn't my idea.

So this is down to you?

-You're taking the rap for him.

-I didn't ask him to.

-What?

You could have put your hands up yourself, though, couldn't you?

Hand myself in and get him a charge of wasting police time?

-So you let an old man front up for you?

-Smooth, very smooth.

Oh, yeah, cos you lot care about him so much...?

We really don't need this kind of trouble.

Dean!

I think you've got enough of that already?

-How'd you get that?

-That's a good question, Johnny.

Does anyone know? Mum?

This is nothing to do with your mum.

And how would you know that?

Dad?

I'll tell you exactly how it happened.

I know I made a promise, but at my age,

if you can't let your hair down...

What does that mean?

I was three sheets to the wind.

Instead of doing what I should have done, collapse into my pit,

I decided to have a bath.

-Soppy old mug.

-As soon as I got in,

my ankle gave way and I fell against the edge of the bath.

I didn't feel a thing...

just went splashing around like a beached whale.

Which is when Mick came in and lifted me out.

-Not a pretty sight, eh, Mick?

-No. I'm still having nightmares.

HE LAUGHS

I'm feeling it this morning, so if you don't mind, son...

And that's what happened, is it?

Calm down, Columbo. I told you, she wasn't there.

Mum?

You heard what your grandad said.

Now please, can we all just go and eat?

No, I don't believe a word of it. Something's going on.

I don't know what it is, but something's definitely going on.

You lot can play happy families on your own - I'm not interested.

I need to show you something.

I can't have you thinking bad of me.

She wouldn't have meant that.

Well... What about these then? She...

She sent me these as well.

Friendly advice, she said.

About my weight...

and my hair.

Carol...

She said we should all chip in for flowers...

and I lost it, I suppose.

Just...

Please don't say nothing, Tam.

Cos Peter's in a state as it is.

I didn't mean for it to go down the church...

..and I didn't want her dead...

But I'm not a hypocrite, OK?

I...

I hated her.

I'm sorry...

..but I really did.

Mine's going to look rubbish now.

Your what, darling?

-Well, I've got you a little something.

-Sonia...

I don't even want to give it to you now after what David's done.

Come on, give it here.

It's for on top of the cake.

And it's lovely.

-Really?

-Really.

Everything is.

Thank you, darling.

-Sweet, ain't it?

-Which one's me?

HE SIGHS

-Cheers.

-What's a little white lie compared to all this?

Business up and running, family all together.

Well, nearly all the family.

Erm, listen, I...

-Last week...

-We all do it, things we regret.

And Dean'll come round with the right incentive

because he wants to, no matter what he said just now.

-Why? You got something in mind?

-Hmm, I have.

Mind you, it'll cost,

-so I'm going to need my money.

-What money?

The money I lent you. I'm afraid I want it back.

Hey.

Probably just some stupid joke.

Who'd joke about something like that?

It's best forgotten.

I'm not!

All right. Catch you later.

That was your mum. Will you tell her I am definitely not wearing a tie?

-You lied to me, didn't you?

-Eh? Oh, not this again.

You lied to me, and you got Liam to lie,

and you cheated on a woman with cancer.

-I told you the truth, love.

-You said it was once.

-It was.

Not according to Nikki, cos she's been talking to Terry

and she said it was twice.

No. It happened once, darling, months ago.

I was in a state, all right?

Your mum had turned me down, I thought we was finished.

It was one little kiss,

and it was a stupid mistake and I shouldn't have done it.

But what Liam saw a couple of weeks ago, that was nothing!

She was bleating on about losing her job.

I felt sorry for the girl, I put my arm around her,

and the next thing I know she's trying to kiss me.

I said to the girl, "No way. Back off and leave me alone."

It wasn't worth telling you about.

So what else wasn't worth telling me about?

-I'm scared, Dad.

-Bianca...

I'm scared that Mum's going to get hurt.

I'm scared of what this might do to her, how she is now...

..whether she'd even come back from it.

Look, I don't want to hurt her, all right?

I don't. And I won't, I promise.

You know, a kiss, a hug, once, twice...

Whatever it was, I know it wouldn't have been serious. And Nikki?

I know she ain't no threat an' all.

There's only one threat to you and Mum, ain't there?

And that's you.

-SOBBING:

-The only one that really matters.

So, if you've got any doubt, any doubt at all...

I haven't, darling.

Is that why you would just go

and do this with someone you don't even care about?

SHE SIGHS

Don't do it.

Please.

If there's any part of you that's got any doubt at all...

..don't turn up tomorrow.