21/10/2016 EastEnders

What's all this in aid of?

Well, I thought I'd get my new boss a sandwich

-and come and see the kids.

-I ain't complaining.

Janet? Come on, you've got to get up, darling. We're going to be late.

So how's it going, Will?

You not eating that?

My tummy hurts.

Yeah, course it does.

Tell you, Jay, my head is spinning with ordering coffin liners.

Who'd have thought you'd have so many to choose from?

What's up with you, then, eh? Thought you liked school?

It's cos he can't play football, ain't it?

Cos he lost his new football boots.

-Cost me a bomb, they did, and all.

-Oh, dear.

Will you pick me up like you used to?

I can't, mate. But maybe I can see you after school.

-Course you can.

-There you are.

I'm minding Dennis as well.

Listen, Jay, Honey knows you're on the straight and narrow...

-so stop worrying, yeah?

-Yeah.

Janet? I am not going to tell you again.

PHONE RINGS

-Are you saving that thing?

-Problem?

No, it's your house. I'm saying nothing!

Have you never heard of retro?

I just think it gives off good vibes.

There's been many a mad night stood around this thing,

-I'll tell you that now.

-Morning.

I won't ask if you slept well.

We heard otherwise.

Shouldn't have been listening then, should you?

Who is he?

A banker...called Brian.

You can't just bring random blokes back!

Lil just asked me who the strange man was in the bathroom.

Waste of time. Tell her that from me.

Turns out he's married.

You ain't just chasing rich fellas around,

hoping they'll bail you out, are you?

-You got a better idea?

-Er, yes. Stop wallowing,

get off your backside and pay the rent yourself. How about that?

Right, well, I'm going to go for a shower if that banker hasn't

stolen all the hot water.

Slater girls don't need a man to latch on to.

We're better than that.

Not me. I've never been without one.

Nev said I couldn't cope without him and guess what?

Oh, prove him wrong!

How?

Actually, I have just had an idea.

I just couldn't resist these. They're lovely and silky. Feel.

Mmm, classy!

And my shoes. Oh, my shoes!

They were a bit pricey, weren't they? But Lee insisted. 75 quid.

Whoa, let me see!

Wow, you really have taken it up a notch. I thought I'd seen it all.

-What do you mean?

-Well, he means they're perfect.

You're really going to look the part, baby, don't worry about that.

I can't wait. It's actually killing me!

Well, it's going to come round sooner than you can blink.

I'm telling you that now.

It's just a shame that me and Ollie weren't with you.

We could've got him some little shoes an' all.

Hold on, what's this? Egyptian cotton and ditsy flower print.

Oh, yeah, I just picked out some duvet covers for your gift list.

And you thought I'd like ditsy flowers?

LAUGHTER

-I don't know what YOU'RE laughing at.

-What?

You've never had a problem with my choice in bed linen.

No. You know, real men, they love pink petals.

They're really nice, Linda. They really are,

but we were going to bling up the bedroom a bit.

Oh, I see. Oh, well, I'll just scratch that bedding, then.

Actually, Mum...

..I think we'd sooner pick our own stuff.

Oh, yeah. Course.

But we really, really need, like,

your help with the wedding favours.

Jane, are you sure you don't want anything to eat?

Quite sure, thanks.

Sounds like you lot had a good time last night.

Yeah. A bit too good.

Can you believe it? They ain't taken our recycling bin!

Look at that!

Contaminated?

Yeah. That means we've not separated the recycling properly.

Oh, for crying out loud! We waited long enough as it is.

-There's rats everywhere!

-It's a good thing Dad's away.

I only came back to top up my flask anyway.

Look, Kathy, what I said last night,

I was just trying to get everyone off my back.

What, about the darts?

Mm. I'm not ready for all that just yet.

You know, especially not today. My head's banging.

OK, well, if you're sure.

Trust me.

I ain't in the mood.

Something's up with Jane.

You don't think that she knows?

She's hungover, that's all!

KNOCKING

I'll get it.

I'm going to need your help with the salon.

Stacey's come up with an idea to get the cash flowing.

What sort of idea?

Well, there's no point me having a swanky salon if no-one's

prepared to pay the prices, so I'm gonna slash them for a week or two

and that's where you come in. Social media promotion or something?

I'm a web designer. But carry on.

Right, OK, well, I need clients in there today. Lots of them.

Can you do it? I ain't no good at tweetering.

Are you sure you want to do this all again? Special offers?

Babe, I wouldn't be going backwards if I really didn't have to.

All right. Well, come on, then. Let's get you set up.

-Paris? Just like that?

-Yeah.

Well, you can't compete with that, can you?

What is my mum playing at? She was late yesterday an' all.

Amy!

Hello! Give me a hug!

I've got something for you.

Here you are. Right, take this and buy yourself

a Mickey Mouse or something. It's leftover euros from Ibiza.

Thank you, Mummy.

You just make sure you have the best time ever. OK?

I love you. I love you. OK...

-Look, I'm sorry. I know you had plans.

-Yeah.

But listen, you can keep next weekend free and then you can

take her shopping and stuff.

OK, honey, let's go to school. Say, "Bye, Mummy!"

-Bye, Mummy!

-Bye!

-See you later.

So I was just passing and I thought I'd say hello.

Oh, we ARE honoured.

Anyway, what are you doing up and about so early?

Hang on. Shouldn't you be setting up the stall?

Oh, too tired for all of that today.

You're going to have to go back tomorrow.

Says who?

Well, I know where you're coming from.

What with my bladder and all the kicking, I only got about two hours.

Anyway, must get to work.

Anyway, I was just wondering if you'd seen Dot?

-No, why?

-No reason.

I thought you were going to see her...to say sorry.

Listen to me now, man. Dot is a good friend

and life is too short to have bad blood, all right?

I hope you two lovebirds haven't forgotten

that you are in charge tonight.

-No, of course, we ain't. We're looking forward to it, right?

-Yeah.

I still can't believe that Jane said yes!

It'll do her the world of good to have a proper night out.

But who's going to look after her?

-I ain't playing Florence Nightingale.

-I'll help out if I can.

-We all will.

-You need to concentrate on your game.

I just thought - this is gonna be your last shift tonight, ain't it?

Yeah! No more stinking of beer trays.

Oh, cheers, son! That's really lovely of you(!)

Now, I promised myself I wouldn't do this till Monday,

but you know me.

-What is it?

-Well, open it and see!

-Get hold of that.

-Oh...

-Oh. It's a pen?

-What are you talking about? It's a posh pen!

Yeah, all the office execs have them.

No, it's lovely. Thanks, Mum. Really nice.

We just wanted you to know

-that we couldn't be more proud, could we, Mick?

-Beyond.

It's...it's only a little something.

Sorry about the wrapping, but I was determined to do it myself.

Oh, Jane, you didn't have to bother with this.

I'm planning on spending tomorrow pretending it isn't happening.

Still think I'm 26 in my head.

Don't we all?

You know, you shouldn't have let me drink so much last night.

I'm just not up to it.

So, have you had it out with them about the books?

No, not yet.

The last time I accused Steven of something, he was innocent.

I felt like a right idiot.

But why would Ian be defrauding his own restaurant?

Money's tight. Perhaps he doesn't want to worry me.

Yeah, but Ian?

He ain't Snow White, Sharon.

Not so long ago I caught him...applying for

a credit card in Lucy's name.

He didn't send it, granted, but he might have.

What are you going to do?

Wait till he gets home tomorrow, bide my time.

The last thing I want is to point the finger at the wrong person.

Look, Jane, I know you're saying you don't want to go out tonight...

-No, I don't.

-..but this is exactly why you should.

I'm not leaving you here home alone with all this in your head.

So, please, have another think about it, yeah?

You've got 32 likes and 16 shares already!

Come again?

Basically, I reckon you're going to be quite busy later.

See? I told you you could do it!

You should put all the stock on offer an' all.

You will help me, won't you, if I get busy?

I'm a hairdresser!

You're a girl!

All girls know how to slap on a bit of nail polish.

What's all this?

Your unique opportunity

to experience the best at the lowest price.

Oh, I see.

Can I interest you in a quick one before the rush?

Oh, no, I'm still...

feeling the effects of your last massage, thanks.

Well, if you wouldn't mind spreading the word around the market.

-Course I will.

-Thank you.

-And good on you, girl.

-Keep putting yourself back out there.

-Thanks.

Ladies, welcome to Elysium. So what might you be after today, then?

Nearly survived my first week.

Don't know how Honey's put up with me, though.

You should take her out. Celebrate.

I'll look after the kids if you want.

Yeah? How you fixed for tonight?

Only everyone's going down The Feathers for the darts.

Blimey. You do know how to treat a lady, you, don't you?

Shut up. She'll love it.

Besides, I'll take her for something to eat first, won't I?

Yeah? Where are you going to take her, McKlunky's?

Behave. Might do Will a bit of good as well,

you spending some time with him.

-What do you think's happening now?

-What do you mean?

Well, you know, him not wanting to go to school and that?

What, you saying you never wanted to bunk off school?

I've just noticed he's been a bit quiet lately, that's all.

He's all right, they both are.

I'd know, wouldn't I?

Yeah.

PHONE RINGS

This is more like it, eh?

A leisurely lunch in good company.

Beats standing in the freezing cold with a toasted sarnie every day.

If you make a habit of this, you could lose your licence, you know?

You don't think I deserve a little treat every once in a while?

Hey-hey. Well, I have a little treat lined up for next week.

-Oh, have you now?

-Yeah, man.

They're showing Brief Encounter at the cinema in the afternoon.

And it's the silver screen...

Silver screen?

For pensioners?

Yeah, well...

You think taking me to see an ancient film,

dipping custard creams in my cup of tea is treating me like a lady?

I've got news for you, Patrick Trueman.

Yeah, but it's one of my favourite films.

I am not a pensioner!

An afternoon at a spa or some fine dining is more to my taste.

I'm working on it, baby. I'm working on it.

I mean, this food tastes pretty darn good to me, yeah?

What, Ian Beale's glorified chippy?

It isn't exactly what I had in mind, Patrick, but we're working on it.

HONEY: We do have to keep this quiet, all right?

Cos if Derek finds out I've left you with these boys...

No-one's going to find out. Honey, I just want to help, all right?

I've missed them.

-Yeah, they've missed you, too.

-Where's Janet?

Oh, she's all right. At a playdate.

-All right. Come on, then, boys. Let's go.

-Have fun!

-All right, see you later.

-See you.

There's definitely something bugging him. Has Dennis said anything?

Nah...

Look, bruv, what's the matter? You even listening to me?

Don't want to bump into my mum, do I?

Might say something I regret.

-Well, you know why she did it.

-Yeah, yeah, we know. She cares(!)

You're lucky to have a mum who cares about you, mate.

Cos I ain't going to have a dad for much longer.

Not with her sticking her oar in.

Why's that man staring at us?

I dunno.

Let's get home and we'll stick some popcorn in the microwave, eh?

She said she didn't want to see no old people film!

Are you kidding me?

What, Brief Encounter? The one with the fit doctor?

-That is a classic, you know?

-Yeah!

People with taste would know that.

Oh, so you saying that Cruella ain't got no taste?

I could've told you that, Pops.

That woman's got ideas above her station, that is for sure.

Although, I must admit she does have her...

..good points.

Yeah, man.

Ugh.

I bet Dot would love to see that film.

Dot?

Yeah, you could take her instead.

I mean, she's all on her own. Probably never gets asked anywhere.

And she's your mate.

Why are you so concerned?

Me? No, I just feel sorry for her.

See you later.

-So Ian hasn't said anything to you about Beale's?

-No.

Just that he had to go to this organic conference or something.

And what about Steven?

How d'you mean?

Oh, nothing.

I just feel bad, you know, being away from the place so long.

Oh, give over, Jane. You've got to concentrate on you now.

-Right, just give that a minute to dry.

-Thanks.

I'm so glad you decided to come tonight.

Well, it is your birthday tomorrow. I didn't really have much choice.

Just hope I don't live to regret it.

Linda said to meet at The Vic soon as we can.

Drinks on the house.

The Vic?

That's OK, ain't it?

Well, it's just the last time I was in there...

I don't know if I can face it. All those people.

People who care about you.

Yeah. Wait till you've had a little drink.

You're kidding.

-That's it.

-Airport please, mate.

We're going to Disneyland!

-CHEERING

-Come on, let's get in the car.

Cheer up, you loser.

Do you want a bite of my pickled egg?

What, you ain't even got a console? How d'you play your games?

We used to have one, but...it broke.

Course it did. You ain't even got a phone neither, have you?

My mum said I can get one as soon as I'm in secondary school.

How do you all live in this dump?

Our khazi's bigger than your whole gaff.

Yeah, we're moving soon anyway.

-Where to?

-A big place. Where my dad works.

You're going to live with dead bodies?

I thought your lot couldn't get any weirder.

You're not right, none of you.

I think me and you should have a little chat, don't you?

Oh, you're here!

Now, listen, I didn't want you worrying, so I've been in touch

with The Feathers and made sure they've got a disabled loo.

-..Thanks.

-Right, anyway,

let's have a toast.

The Queen Victorious, ladies and gentlemen!

You'd better whoop their backsides, girls.

And let's not forget the birthday girl.

It's Sharon's celebration tonight and all.

No, it really isn't. There is nothing to celebrate here.

And...I've got a little surprise for you.

Ta-da!

I made it myself. Happy birthday!

Oh, darling. You shouldn't have.

She really shouldn't have.

We're going to celebrate tonight, whether you like it or not.

Ain't that right, Jane? Come on, let's knock 'em dead.

Knock 'em dead, knock 'em dead. Good luck!

Excuse me, bar keep.

-Come on.

-MAN: Bar keep...

I don't have to go to the darts, all right? I can hang about here.

What? You think I can't handle that lot?

No, course not. I'm just saying, if you need a spare pair of hands.

No, you go, it'll be sweet. Go on.

All right. Good boy.

What, did you enjoy the power, did you?

-It was just a joke.

-Do you see him laughing?

I hate bullies. They make me sick.

Frightening people to get what they want.

Hang on.

YOU took them boots, didn't you?

Right, well, listen to this.

You got a problem with him, then you've got a problem with me.

Right?

So I suggest you go and get them before his dad gets back.

Let this be a lesson to you, Will.

You stand up to bullies and they'll run, every time.

Me and you, we ain't got nothing to hide from.

-There you are.

-Thanks, darling. Have one yourself.

-Thank you!

-I was going to go to bed!

-I thought you was celebrating.

Going to bed early IS celebrating these days.

Oh, yeah? What's all this?

Her tutor e-mailed to say she came top of her class

for her essay about Jane Eyre.

-Hats off.

-Well done! I never got top marks for nothing.

Except the one time when I wrote all my times tables up my leg

just before a test. I did!

Mind you, I've heard it's not just Jane Eyre she's hot on.

-Oh, for crying out loud!

-Tutor's not so bad, either. Do you mind?

-Watch it, mate.

-Oh, it's all right, just leave it.

-At least someone's enjoying themselves, ain't they?

-Yeah.

That'll be my Lee next week,

enjoying himself with all his new work mates!

Out on the sauce, celebrating, eh?

I always said he was too brainy for the Army.

-And sensitive, ain't ya?

-Whit!

Yeah, your mum said you'd got a snazzy new job.

Good for you! Be nice to be out there, won't it?

Be one of the boys again!

Yeah, too right.

Two secs.

Same again?

-DOT:

-I nearly didn't let you in,

what with all the fireworks and the trick-and-treat hooligans.

I don't know, it gets earlier every year.

And it's not just little children, you know, satisfied with a toffee.

No, it's grown men in masks, doing Satan's work for him.

Well, you can't be too careful nowadays, you know.

What you come round for?

I hope it ain't about that business with Kim yesterday.

I've had my fill of it.

Yesterday?

Yes. I mean, she come round here, accusing me of all sorts.

I mean, I know she's almost family, but she don't half take liberties.

Is this all about the bump on that car?

Yeah, well, I thought she'd come to apologise.

But it was the exact opposite. She went off like a bottle of pop.

Dot, all I can do is to apologise on her behalf but, yes,

I'll have a word with that girl.

So it weren't about her that you come round?

No, no, no, no!

Look, I just happened to notice that they're showing one of

my favourite films next week - Brief Encounter.

And I wondering if you'd do me the honour of accompanying me.

Brief Encounter! That was a lovely film.

It's ages since I went to the pictures.

But shouldn't you be taking Claudette?

Ah-ah.

Not many people appreciate a good thing when they see it.

Come on, Dot, it'll be fun.

Most exciting thing I've done this week

-is buy tickets for the church raffle.

-Hey,

I might even bring some strawberry bonbons.

I don't want no tittle-tattle.

What? Two good friends going to watch a film together.

What is there to talk about, hm?

MEN: One, two, three!

Oh, I can't be doing with this. I'm getting off.

What, now? I'm having fun!

Well, you go for it, cos I'd rather be in bed eating sardines on toast

and with people who ain't plastered!

-I'd keep on eye on that lot if I were you.

-Yeah.

Think I should kick 'em out?

Why would you do that? They are chucking cash at us.

You wait till your mum and dad see the takings.

They're going to be well chuffed.

MEN: One, two, three!

All right, all right, keep it down, eh?

-SLAP

-Oi!

Watch it, you pervert!

What you playing at?

Right, you, out!

Go on, get out.

And the rest of you, are you going to behave like adults, or do you

want to get your coats and all? It's your choice.

It all makes sense now.

What makes sense?

Kim said she was worried about Dot,

but not for the reasons she told me.

I don't know what you're saying, Pops.

You blamed Dot for the crash?

You threw a tantrum? Eh?

You told me you went to apologise.

You lied to me.

No, not exactly.

Please don't tell me you shouted at an old lady.

And I've felt bad ever since!

Why do you think I sent him over there?

Well, I'm going to tell you something, Kim.

I'm disappointed in you, man. Really disappointed.

You must be done in.

Bex said you had hundreds of shares on your post.

Four manicures, six Brazilians and one Hollywood before lunch

-has got to be a record.

-Wow.

Well, sorry I left you with all them customers.

It's just Arthur was screaming the place down.

Ta-da! It's all there.

See, I told you you could do it.

Go on, you put your feet up. I'll stick the kettle on.

Happy now?

Look, she's done good, but she can't do this every time.

What about next month?

I don't know, Martin, but I'm not going to worry about that now.

PHONE VIBRATES

What are you blanking Mr Lover-Lover for? Trouble in paradise?

No, I'll call him later.

That's the right idea. Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.

Cos once they've had what they want from you...

game over!

Right, thanks, bye.

Someone called Mike just called.

What, and you answered it?

He said you know who he is and if you can't call him back in

the next hour, he'll come here instead.

Will! What are you still doing up?

Excuse me, little man, it's way past your bedtime.

Come on, let me tuck you in.

Mum, I ain't a kid!

No, it's all right. I said he could, just for tonight.

-Had a bit of a bad week, ain't you?

-Yeah.

Why? What's going on?

Well, it turns out some kid's not been very nice to him,

been picking on him.

-Not again. Will, why didn't you tell me about all of this?

-Sh.

They said about the Cokers and him moving there.

-Living with corpses and that. Didn't they, Dennis?

-Dunno.

Right, you give me their name, we're up the school Monday morning, right?

-Nah, it's cool. Jay sorted it.

-Did you?

Well, I found the kid and had a word in his ear.

Oh, thank you, Jay.

Don't be silly. It was nothing.

Well, we've decided, haven't we,

tonight, Billy that we're not going to be moving there?

It's too expensive so we're going to be staying put.

Really?

And, in better news,

Will cleared out his room and found these.

Sorry.

No need to be sorry, boy.

It's time for bed now. Come on.

-Cheers, Jay.

-Night, Will.

-Night, boy.

Right, I'm going to shoot. Come on, Dennis. I'll drop you off.

And then I said I'd meet a mate of mine, all right?

-Yeah, all right. See you later.

-Oh, and Jay? Thank you.

BABE CHEERS

Big hand for the champions, please!

CHEERING

Can you believe it?

And no dodgy darts required!

That's brilliant! Lee, that is brilliant, ain't it?

Do you know what, Linda? Jane had the time of her life.

I know I don't say this often enough, but...

-you are an angel, Linda Carter.

-LINDA LAUGHS

And I really, really love you!

Hang on, hang on! We've missed out the best bit.

Yeah, listen, listen, listen. She's played a blinder.

Didn't miss the board once!

Should've seen the face on Geraldine Clough! It could've turned milk.

I gave her an earful an' all. Dirty cheat. Should be strung up!

Listen, it's my birthday in nearly an hour,

so I think we should get this party started!

Cheers, everyone!

Here we go!

Good time, then?

I never thought I'd say this, but...

I had a ball.

It was so nice to get out there and just do something different.

See, there you go.

You don't have to rely on Ian, you know?

I am family an' all.

He's going to be so proud of you Jane.

I bet you can't wait to tell him all about it.

Those bunch of idiots were giving Whitney grief

and do you know what I did?

Nothing.

How pathetic is that?

Right, just sort that boat out,

because you know Whit ain't going to see it that way.

Dad, I thought I could handle them, but they were all just laughing.

The office is going to be full of people like that.

What, and you reckon you can't hold your own with that little mob?

-I can't. I just proved it!

-No, because you're better than them.

Yeah? You've got something going on in here.

You got that job because you're the best geezer for it.

D'you know how proud that girl of yours is of you?

-Whitney could have anyone she wants.

-Yeah. And who does she want?

You. So get that in your nut, soppy, please.

Oh, you're there! You all right?

-No, he's brand-new. Brand-new, ain't you, boy?

-Yeah.

You ain't worried about them idiots out there, are you?

-Nah.

-Good. Cos come Monday,

you'll never have to deal with punters like that again!

It's a whole new start.

-OK?

-Yeah.

PHONE RINGS

Yeah, I've got it.

I'm on my way.

MUSIC PLAYS

Question.

Did you really think I wouldn't track you down?

It's all there. You can get off my case now, can't you?

That'd be nice...

but you're forgetting about the interest.

Interest? Well, that's not fair, is it?

I've paid you what I owe.

I'll give you two weeks.

What if I can't?

I've seen where you work.

Least you'll get a discount on your funeral.