27/04/2017 EastEnders


27/04/2017

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Can't believe somebody else is gonna be living in our flat.

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They're welcome to it.

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We did have some good times there though - you, me and Mum.

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SHIRLEY SCOFFS

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-Shirl...

-What?!

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-You don't even miss her, do you?

-Oh, what do you want me to remember?

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The time she took a chunk out of my arm?

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She was our mum.

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When it suited her.

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Oh, do you know what, I ain't doing this today.

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Tina....

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Don't you stand there like butter wouldn't melt.

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You just cost me six grand.

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So less of the attitude, yeah?

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You know, you're gonna start toeing the line. No more weeing upstairs.

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And if I see you with another pair of knickers in your gob...

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that's it. I'm going to phone the vet, do you understand?

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PHONE RINGS

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-Mick?

-'Mother.'

-How's Nancy?

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'She's good, yeah. On the mend.'

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Oh good. Good. Send her my love.

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'How's the boozer?'

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Yeah. Yeah. Everything's fine, y'know, ticking over.

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'Sweet.'

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You know what, I reckon we've turned a corner.

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-'How's Lady Di?'

-Yeah, Lady Di's all right.

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'Put your lips on her for me, will ya?'

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She's with me now. Giving me attitude as usual.

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'Aw, I'm over the moon she's better.'

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-Listen, Mick... Mick, I've gotta go.

-'Hold up a minute...'

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No, no, no. Everything's fine.

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I've gotta sign for a delivery. Bye.

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Busy drinking your winnings?

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I never had you down as a music buff.

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Oh, not a buff as such.

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Nonsense! A man of hidden talents.

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Next time I'm nabbing you for my team!

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-Er, where you off to, then?

-What's it to you?

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If you're planning on meeting my Shaki, then think again.

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I'm just being a mate. It's not like he's got many.

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Trust me - he doesn't need friends like you. Off you go!

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Remind me never to get on YOUR bad side.

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As if you could ever get on anyone's bad side.

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Derek! Don't forget we've still got a delivery to unpack.

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-We're already behind.

-Oh, that will be me holding him up.

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Best get out of your hair.

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Yeah well, I want to cover a lot of training.

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And with Helen coming in late, we've plenty to be getting on with.

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Have either of you seen Lady Di?

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No sorry, Shirley. Is she missing?

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No, we've had a row.

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I'll let you know if I see her.

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Mick's going to flamin' kill me.

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Derek.

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Er, excuse me.

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I'm looking for the Queen Victoria pub.

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I could take you there if you like.

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Don't worry. I'm sure I can find it.

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How about a drink later?

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-SHE SCOFFS

-I've got tights older than you.

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So is that a yes?

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Call me when you hit puberty.

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Hello.

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Hello, you.

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What are you doing?

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DOOR CLOSES

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Abi? Is that you?

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Morning.

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Where have you been. I've been worried stiff about you!

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What are you on about? I told you I was going to see Donna.

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Yeah, but you didn't answer your phone.

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I was in two minds whether to call the police.

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My phone died and I left the charger here.

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I'm sorry, Grandma.

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Oh, well. I suppose there's no harm done.

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What do want for your breakfast?

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Oh, no. I'm not hungry.

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Nonsense. You can't go to work on an empty stomach.

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What's happened to your cardigan?

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CHUCKLING: Oh, yeah. I spilt Jagerbomb on it.

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Honestly, I need a bib.

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You've been drinking into the early hours again, have you?

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That ain't proper behaviour. Not for a respectable young woman, Abi.

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Oh, did you decide what reading you're going to do on Sunday?

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Yes. I'm reading from the Book of Ruth.

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Do you want to hear it?

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Yeah, sure.

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"Now it come to pass, in the days

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"when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land.

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"And a man came from Bethlehem..."

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No, I want to report a missing dog.

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What do you mean, am I taking the mick?

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Shirley...

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-Oi, you in the habit of dog nicking?

-I'm sorry?

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You will be when the Old Bill nick you for dog-napping.

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I found him wandering around by the Tube.

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-You're lucky he wasn't hit by a car.

-It's a her.

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Then I suggest you take better care of her in future.

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Stuck-up cow.

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This is cosy.

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Oh, come on, Brains. I said sorry.

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Look, even if it was a bet, you must admit he was proper fit.

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Woody. Just leave it.

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What, he needs to lighten up.

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No! You tried to set me up. For money!

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I was only trying to help you get your end away.

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Yeah, and you didn't think I could do that myself?

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We all need a little helping hand now and again. Ain't that right, T?

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-I'm keeping out of it.

-I don't even know what you're doing here.

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It's not like anyone likes you.

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-Johnny!

-No, no, no, I'm sorry,

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I'm sick of him walking round with that stupid grin on his face.

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-All right, mate.

-No, no, no. I'm not your mate. No-one is.

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So just stay out of my way, all right?

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Smells of polish in here.

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Yeah, Sharon's got us spring cleaning before that suit gets here.

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I'm sorry about earlier.

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-Forget it.

-Right, I've cleaned the oven and restocked the fridge.

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What you worrying about? We're still running the pub.

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It's good to make a first impression.

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Well he can take us as he finds us.

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Billy dropped this off earlier. I forgot to tell ya.

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What is it?

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Open it up and you'll find out.

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You know what, I think it's time we started to celebrate. Trace?

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Don't you think it's a bit premature, Shirley?

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For the first time in a long time, we've finally got some money coming in.

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-So can we get the builders in now?

-Damn right we can.

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CHEERS AND SQUEALS

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STIFLED LAUGHS

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There she is.

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Right, that's this one bathed

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and ready to impress the chicks at playgroup.

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Lauren?

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Sorry. Did you say something? Hello.

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Nothing important.

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Is everything all right?

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Three job rejections overnight.

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It's like they took one look at my CV and then they just run away.

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And no news from the job at your dad's place?

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No, they would've called by now.

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Still, maybe it's for the best.

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How?

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Because that way we get to spend more time with you, don't we?

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I just never...

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never thought I'd be one of them mums, y'know, that just

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sit at home all day in an old cardigan.

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That wouldn't be so bad, would it? Apart from the cardigan bit.

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Look, Dad is giving me more and more responsibility at the restaurant,

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OK, and...pretty soon I'm going to be able to take care of all of us.

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-You shouldn't have to.

-I want to.

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Maybe in a couple of months,

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you know, we can talk about having another baby.

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Listen. You don't have to think about that now, OK.

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Let's just focus on the time that we've got together, yeah?

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Right, I'm going to take him.

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Say bye-bye to Mummy. Say bye-bye.

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-Bye-bye. Good boy.

-Bye-bye, darling. Love you.

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I'm so sorry. It's just we were expecting a...

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What? A man?

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A fellow feminist, I see.

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Erm... I'm sorry about the dog-napping thing.

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It's forgotten.

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Listen.

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I'm just here today to get the measure of the place, that's all.

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This is your pub.

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I just want to see how we can improve efficiency

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and maximise profits.

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Why don't we start with everyone's name?

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Well, I'm Woody. Bar manager. Nice to meet you. How you doing?

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I'm Sharon Mitchell. Also bar manager.

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Ah, two bar managers? Little bit excessive.

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Well, Linda, she doesn't do things by halves.

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I'm Tina Carter. I'm just here cos I'm on compassionate leave.

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My mum died.

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I'm sorry.

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I'm Whitney. I'm a full-time barmaid.

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Johnny Carter. I just help out when I can.

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And you must be the cleaner.

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I've gotta say, you're a marvel with that mop.

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Shirley Carter. Licensee.

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I stand corrected. Well, Shirley -

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how about we start by going through this year's accounts?

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I take it they're all up to date?

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How come you're not at work?

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I called in sick. I couldn't face cleaning out the kennels today.

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Lucky you.

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Ohhh, I'm never drinking again. DONNA LAUGHS

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Why did I let you talk me into playing Ring of Fire?

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-Oh, stop whingeing. At least you got a kip in this morning.

-Nope.

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Grandma guilt-tripped me into picking hymns for her

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to sing at church.

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She wasn't happy that I was out all night.

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You're MEANT to be having fun -

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not living as Dot's spinster-in-training.

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Yeah, and last night was a right laugh.

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Well, next time you have to do the walk of shame,

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maybe get changed in our spare room first.

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Yeah, beats getting interrogated, I suppose.

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Well, any time you need to crash, you know where we are.

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How about tonight?

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All right, slow down. You'll be moving in at this rate.

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You serious or...?

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Well, why not?

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I mean, if you're going to hang out there

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why not pay for the privilege.

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I don't know. I mean, I couldn't do it to Grandma.

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What? Dot's the strongest woman on the Square. She'll be fine.

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You need to loosen up a bit.

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Or do you want to sit in with a hymn book?

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-You sound like my dad.

-That settles it then.

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If even your dad's telling you to get a life...

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The room won't be there forever. You wanna get in there.

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You sure the boys won't mind?

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When have you ever known them

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to turn down the chance of some extra cash?

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-Oh, when you put it like that...

-Yeah?

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Yeah, all right. Why not?

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All right, great! All right, we'll celebrate tonight.

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OK, see you later.

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-SHARON:

-She doesn't smile much, does she?

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That'll be the Botox.

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You think we're in trouble?

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Who cares what the blonde calculator thinks? It's our pub.

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We run it our way.

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Er, Shirley. I seem to be missing the figures from last month.

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That's cos I ain't done 'em.

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Is everything else OK?

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I've seen better.

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Woody did a ladies' night the other night.

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They were lapping it up.

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That's what I like to hear.

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Is, er... Is everything all right with you and Johnny?

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Nah, he hates me.

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Look, you can't win 'em all, can you?

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Stop trying so hard.

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I don't think we've been introduced.

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Hi. I'm Tracey.

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Nice to meet you.

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She's an institution around here.

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So is there anything else we can do for you?

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I think I've seen enough.

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Do you mind if I have a look upstairs?

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No, it's fine. But don't go in the kitchen, it's still leaking.

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I'll...give you a tour.

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She seems nice.

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The sooner she lets us get on running the pub, the better.

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Is everything all right?

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Yeah, they just wanna know if Mum wants a plaque at the crematorium.

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What's the point? It's not like she's going to care, is it?

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I've got a good mind to charge you commission, you know.

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What you talking about?

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Thanks to me, you've gone and got yourself a new housemate.

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Well, that's amazing. Who is it?

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It's not that, erm...

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Woody from the pub, is it?

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It's better than that. Abs.

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Tell me you're joking.

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What, I thought you'd be pleased?

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-She's my ex.

-And mine.

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It's not like you're gonna hook up with her again, is it?

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It ain't that, all right. Abi's is a bit...

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Oh...?

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Well, she's an olive short of a pizza.

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She ain't that bad.

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She told me she was pregnant.

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Yeah, well...

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She's got an overactive imagination.

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We all make mistakes, don't we?

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What am I going to say to her?

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Well, you got yourself in this mess.

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You can get out of it.

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Oh, erm...

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I've finished the stocktaking exercise!

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Already?

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Erm...

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I went through and checked them all and put the final figures

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down on the form.

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Oh, so you counted all the items individually?

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Yep, tins, boxes, the lot.

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Did you stop and serve at any point?

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Yep, there were some customers and a few queries

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whilst you were out the back.

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But I always resumed where I left off.

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And did you mark off each row as you went along, like I said?

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To avoid counting anything twice?

0:13:460:13:49

Well...

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no.

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But I think it's pretty accurate.

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Yeah, well, according to this,

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we should have 48 tins of mushroom soup.

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-HE LAUGHS

-Yeah, that did seem a bit excessive.

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Have I done something wrong?

0:14:040:14:06

I'll just, just add it to my list.

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OK. What do you want me to do next?

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Take a break?

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Ten minutes?

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Take the full hour.

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Thank you.

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Hello!

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I have just got the most amazing throw for my new bed.

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And I was thinking maybe a cleaning rota.

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-Cos you know what the boys are like.

-The thing is, Abs...

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There's been a bit of a hiccup.

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What sort of hiccup?

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The boys don't want you moving in.

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Well, why not?

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They said some rubbish excuse about not wanting to live with an ex.

0:14:360:14:40

Oh, well, erm...it's probably just as well.

0:14:400:14:43

Who else would stay in and watch Eggheads with Grandma?

0:14:430:14:45

So that's it? You're just going to giving up?

0:14:450:14:47

-But you just said...

-Er, no.

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We're not gonna let Beavis and Butt-Head ruin our plans.

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-But they've made up their minds.

-So? We will change them.

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One way or another, Abi, you're getting that room.

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PHONE RINGS

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Lauren.

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Hello.

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'Can I speak to Lauren Branning, please?'

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Lauren?

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No, I'm sorry. I think you must have the wrong number.

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All right. Bye.

0:15:200:15:21

Did you call me?

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It's nothing.

0:15:250:15:27

OK, right. So let's pretend I'm the customer wanting a refund.

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Run me through what you'd do.

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I'm sorry, which button is it again for returns?

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I will get there.

0:15:500:15:51

Yeah, look, erm... Helen's gonna be here shortly.

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So why don't we...?

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Why don't we just leave it, leave it for today?

0:15:550:15:58

OK.

0:16:000:16:01

-Hiya

-Oh, all right, Abs?

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Yeah, I thought I'd get started on dinner early.

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Don't want you drinking on an empty stomach, do we?

0:16:120:16:15

Oh, yeah, erm...

0:16:150:16:16

Did you...speak to Donna?

0:16:160:16:18

Oh, yeah. Everything's fine. I mean, it's probably for the best.

0:16:180:16:22

So was there anything else?

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I thought I'd cook us all dinner.

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A little thank you for letting me crash last night.

0:16:260:16:28

Oh, well, that's nice, but there's really no need.

0:16:280:16:31

Well yeah, of course there is.

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Now you go and get comfy, and I'll sort the rest out in here.

0:16:330:16:36

-All right.

-All right.

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Has Tina said anything to you?

0:16:460:16:48

No. Why?

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-She just seems a bit quiet, you know.

-Do you know...

0:16:500:16:53

I've actually got a mate of mine I could set her up with.

0:16:530:16:56

Woody! This is what I mean.

0:16:560:16:57

You keep going on. Just stop trying so hard.

0:16:570:17:00

Three hours I've been sat in that meeting

0:17:000:17:03

and not so much as a biscuit.

0:17:030:17:04

The joys of planning.

0:17:040:17:06

And now I've got a load of planning applications

0:17:060:17:08

-to go through by tomorrow.

-Well, if you ever need a hand,

0:17:080:17:11

I've seen a lot of fine print over the years.

0:17:110:17:13

I might hold you to that.

0:17:130:17:14

Who's that, Johnny?

0:17:160:17:18

Oh, she's a business consultant.

0:17:180:17:20

She was sent over by the freeholders to help "improve efficiency."

0:17:200:17:23

With legs like that, she'll have no trouble pulling the punters in.

0:17:230:17:26

Oh. Oh, no, she doesn't work here. She's just here to offer advice.

0:17:260:17:30

Thank you both. You've been really helpful.

0:17:300:17:32

Is there anything else we can help you with?

0:17:320:17:33

I think we can work on maximising your revenue but from what I can

0:17:330:17:36

see, it's a lovely little pub.

0:17:360:17:37

So what we'll hear from you in about a month?

0:17:370:17:40

Tomorrow, actually.

0:17:400:17:41

I'd like to outline a few suggestions to boost turnover.

0:17:410:17:44

Don't forget your coat.

0:17:440:17:45

Well, we're looking forward to it already, aren't we, Shirley?

0:17:450:17:48

Woody. Put some music on, will ya?

0:17:500:17:52

MUSIC: I Only Want to Be with You by Dusty Springfield

0:17:540:17:59

Turn it off.

0:17:590:18:00

Ignore her. Turn it up.

0:18:000:18:02

I said turn it off!

0:18:020:18:03

MUSIC STOPS

0:18:050:18:07

What are you doing?

0:18:120:18:13

Derek, leave him. Let him go.

0:18:140:18:16

I think you should put that back.

0:18:160:18:17

What you gonna do about it?

0:18:220:18:23

Well, I can't do anything about it. But the police?

0:18:230:18:26

That's another story.

0:18:260:18:28

It's your word against mine.

0:18:280:18:30

Perhaps. But the CCTV footage might change that.

0:18:300:18:33

It's just there for show.

0:18:350:18:37

That's as maybe.

0:18:370:18:38

But is that a risk you really want to take?

0:18:390:18:42

Go on, have another look.

0:18:420:18:43

Give them a nice big clear shot of your face

0:18:430:18:45

so they can work on that, eh?

0:18:450:18:47

But on the other hand,

0:18:470:18:49

if you want to avoid the whole thing, you could just put it back.

0:18:490:18:52

You see him checking me out?

0:19:050:19:07

I could have him done for sexual harassment.

0:19:070:19:09

Don't listen to him.

0:19:150:19:17

Oh, I've heard much worse than that in my time, believe me.

0:19:170:19:20

Mind you, he did have my heart racing a little bit there.

0:19:200:19:23

Oh, no, I'm sorry. Yes, The Minute Mart Manual.

0:19:250:19:28

It expressly discourages confronting shoplifters. I'm sorry.

0:19:280:19:31

Yes, you're right, it does.

0:19:310:19:34

Actually, I think what you just did there,

0:19:340:19:38

you were kind of brilliant.

0:19:380:19:40

Really?

0:19:400:19:41

Yeah, you know what, I think you and I are going to get on just fine.

0:19:410:19:44

Fancy a cup of tea?

0:19:460:19:48

Yeah.

0:19:480:19:49

So how is it?

0:19:540:19:55

Oh, it's very good, Abi, very good.

0:19:550:19:57

Feel free to come and cook for us any time.

0:19:570:19:59

I think the four of us make a good team.

0:19:590:20:02

Yeah. I could get used to this.

0:20:020:20:04

What about you two?

0:20:040:20:06

Hang on a minute.

0:20:090:20:10

Oh, you think you can butter us up by cooking for us, do you?

0:20:110:20:15

Well, it worked, didn't it?

0:20:150:20:18

We already told ya, the answer's no. It ain't a good idea.

0:20:180:20:21

Why not? I'm here all the time anyway.

0:20:210:20:23

What difference does it make?

0:20:230:20:24

We just think it works best the way it is.

0:20:240:20:26

Oh, so you're happy to eat my food and drink my vodka

0:20:260:20:29

-as long as you can send me home after?

-Yep.

0:20:290:20:32

What you doing?

0:20:320:20:33

You can't stop her moving in and keep all the perks.

0:20:330:20:37

Oh and by the way, while we're at it, I'm moving my TV into my room.

0:20:370:20:41

You wouldn't.

0:20:410:20:43

Good luck playing video games without a telly.

0:20:430:20:45

You know how to play dirty, don't you?

0:20:450:20:47

So what's it going to be?

0:20:470:20:50

Abi moves in

0:20:500:20:51

or you forfeit your gaming rights.

0:20:510:20:54

Fine. You win, all right. She can move in.

0:20:580:21:01

But I don't want no weird stuff, all right?

0:21:020:21:05

All right, I promise.

0:21:050:21:07

Look at us.

0:21:070:21:09

Like a proper little family, aren't we?

0:21:090:21:11

You're not gonna to jump, are you?

0:21:180:21:20

Knowing my luck, I'd land on Dot or something.

0:21:200:21:22

Can you do me a favour, can you just step away from the edge?

0:21:250:21:28

I'm really not good with heights.

0:21:280:21:31

I didn't mean to upset you.

0:21:360:21:37

You didn't. It's just...

0:21:410:21:42

My mum used to sing us that song when we were kids.

0:21:430:21:46

I'm sorry.

0:21:470:21:48

I know it's stupid. I just expect her to walk in, you know,

0:21:520:21:55

with her dress inside out, in a flap about something.

0:21:550:21:59

Yeah, I was the same with my dad, when he...

0:22:010:22:03

Is he dead?

0:22:030:22:05

Yeah, he...

0:22:050:22:07

died not much older than I am now.

0:22:070:22:09

I was only a kid at the time.

0:22:090:22:11

That must've been hard.

0:22:120:22:14

Yeah, it was. I used to tell my mates that he'd gone away.

0:22:140:22:18

Opened up some flash business in the States.

0:22:180:22:21

I said it so many times I actually believed it myself.

0:22:210:22:24

What did your mum do?

0:22:260:22:28

She fell apart.

0:22:280:22:29

Seven years old and suddenly I was the man of the house.

0:22:300:22:33

I actually got myself a paper round. Six quid a week.

0:22:330:22:36

I used to give her every penny.

0:22:360:22:38

A lot of good that did.

0:22:380:22:40

I bet she appreciated it.

0:22:400:22:42

Yeah, maybe.

0:22:430:22:45

I just feel lost.

0:22:500:22:51

You know, like I don't belong anywhere any more.

0:22:520:22:55

Yeah, well, you've got Shirl, ain't ya?

0:22:570:22:59

Shirley's got her own problems. She don't need me around.

0:22:590:23:03

It's just as well I'm here then, in it?

0:23:030:23:05

I hardly know you.

0:23:080:23:09

What's there to know? I'm 34.

0:23:110:23:13

I like women, motorbikes and erm...Sherbet Dip Dabs.

0:23:130:23:18

There's more to you than that.

0:23:180:23:19

No. I'm as shallow as a puddle, me.

0:23:190:23:21

I don't believe that.

0:23:210:23:22

I'm glad you came.

0:23:260:23:28

Really? I don't think anyone else is.

0:23:280:23:31

Well, you've just, you know, gotta stop trying so hard.

0:23:320:23:34

Why does everyone keep on telling me that?

0:23:340:23:36

Just...just chill out. Stop trying to be everyone's friend.

0:23:360:23:40

Yeah, I suppose I just want everyone to like me.

0:23:400:23:43

Well, I like you.

0:23:440:23:46

-Is that a come-on?

-Shut up.

0:23:470:23:49

Hey, listen - you're not the first lesbian I've ever had.

0:23:490:23:52

Oh, yeah, in your dreams.

0:23:520:23:54

-It's true.

-THEY LAUGH

0:23:540:23:56

So come on. You gonna jump?

0:23:580:24:00

Well, Shirley's got me on the late shift. So maybe tomorrow, yeah?

0:24:040:24:10

Yeah. Yeah, tomorrow

0:24:100:24:12

Right, that's all sorted. Dad's gonna cover my shift for me

0:24:190:24:22

so I thought we could curl up in front of a DVD?

0:24:220:24:25

Did my phone ring earlier?

0:24:250:24:27

Er...no. Why?

0:24:270:24:29

That Corinne from Weyland's,

0:24:290:24:31

she's just e-mailed me saying she tried to call me earlier.

0:24:310:24:36

Must have taken your number down wrong.

0:24:360:24:37

Yeah, true.

0:24:370:24:39

Still, you know, there's going to be plenty of other jobs, isn't there?

0:24:390:24:43

Oh...

0:24:430:24:44

No, I'm through to the next round!

0:24:440:24:46

What?

0:24:460:24:48

Yeah, I know. I can't believe it either.

0:24:480:24:51

Oh, ain't you pleased?

0:24:510:24:53

Yeah, no, of course I am. I always knew you could do it.

0:24:530:24:57

Come here.

0:24:570:24:59

Oh, good, you're home.

0:25:070:25:09

I've made your favourite for supper.

0:25:090:25:13

Oh, I'm not hungry.

0:25:130:25:14

Oh, come on. I made it specially for you.

0:25:140:25:17

The stain, you got rid of it.

0:25:220:25:24

Well, I've still got a few tricks up me sleeve.

0:25:240:25:26

And I know how much that cardigan means to you.

0:25:260:25:30

Come on, eat up.

0:25:300:25:32

I don't want your mother at me.

0:25:320:25:34

I mean, Tanya'll think I ain't taking care of you.

0:25:340:25:38

-Go on.

-Yeah...

0:25:380:25:39

FOOTSTEPS

0:25:480:25:50

You know what I don't get?

0:25:590:26:01

Is why someone as fit as you is still single.

0:26:010:26:05

Well, I ain't exactly spoilt for choice around here, am I?

0:26:050:26:09

What's YOUR excuse?

0:26:090:26:10

I like to keep my options open, I guess.

0:26:110:26:13

So you don't fancy Whit then?

0:26:130:26:15

Why? You going to put a good word in for me?

0:26:160:26:18

What, and do the graft for you? No chance.

0:26:180:26:20

Gets easier, you know.

0:26:250:26:26

It doesn't feel like it.

0:26:280:26:30

Oh, come here.

0:26:300:26:31

I just feel completely on my own.

0:26:390:26:40

You know, everyone I love leaves me.

0:26:420:26:45

It's my mum, my dad,

0:26:450:26:47

Sonia...

0:26:470:26:50

and now even Mick, HE'S gone.

0:26:500:26:53

Yeah, but you're not on your own.

0:26:530:26:54

I'm here, ain't I?

0:26:560:26:57

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