04/05/2017 EastEnders

What do you reckon? Hawaiian or is that, like, tragically retro?

-I hate pineapple.

-Yeah. It's basically devil food.

OK.

-Hey, Honey. You all right?

-Hi, Bex.

-Yeah, I'm good, thank you. You?

-Couldn't be better.

-Is that Bex?

-Huh?

Let's see...

-We want to say hi.

-Oh, I need to pay.

What is it, Lou? She throwing us shade?

Hi, Bex!

What's her problem? We were just being friendly.

Go figure. Laters, girls.

Sorry.

Have you and Louise fallen out?

Nope. I'm done with her. For good.

-Hey, you. Hey!

-Yeah?

The real world looks quite nice if you give it a chance.

Yeah, but I'm just waiting to hear about that job, ain't I?

Have you rung them?

Yeah, right.

What?

Ring them? I mean, everyone knows, no, you don't ring.

Ringing 'em, it just makes you look desperate, doesn't it?

Well, in which case you need this amazing ninja trick for when

-you're, like, waiting for news.

-Yeah?

Yeah, you go to the pub.

And if you ask me really nicely, I might even come with you.

Celebrate getting Darius out of my hair.

-So, shall we say eight o'clock, then?

-I can't, I'm sorry.

I've got my class and I've got loads of reading to catch up on.

And Jorgen's really cracking the whip now.

OK, no worries. no worries. It's just...I'm not offended. Much.

It's not long until these exams are over.

There's no point in me throwing in the towel when I'm like...

you know...this close to the finishing line.

Yes. Totally, totally. And I am so impressed by your dedication.

We will do something soon though, you know. Yeah?

Yeah, course we will.

OK.

OK.

See, you didn't need my help after all.

Do you think it looks all right?

I burnt a layer so I had to cut the bottom off,

but now it looks a bit lopsided.

Madison will love it. It's a really sweet thing to do.

You don't think it looks a bit desperate?

-Like I've gone to too much effort?

-They're friends, aren't they?

-Best friends.

-Right, then relax.

I'll be back about 11 and I don't want to have to pick my way

through a pizza war zone, so tidy up, OK?

Sure. Thanks for letting us have it here.

You're welcome.

Denny? Time to go to Ben and Jay's.

-Why can't I just stay here in my room?

-Er, no way.

-I'm not having you perv on my mates.

-Like I would.

DOORBELL RINGS

-(Love you.

-Thank you.)

Hello. Thought this was a pyjama party?

You didn't expect us to turn up in Peppa Pig onesies, did you?

We've got all the gear in here.

It's so kind of you to have us round, Mrs Mitchell.

I love your hair, by the way - do you do that yourself?

Well, I might have treated myself to a cheeky blow dry.

Treat? You do that all the time.

Come on, you. Have fun, girls, OK.

Thanks.

So, what do you want to do first? Do you want to get changed, or...?

Yeah, in a bit. But there's no rush, is there?

No. Come on, then.

Yes, yes, I'm sure you will keep my CV on file.

But you know what - it might have been nice if you'd had the decency

to ring me and tell me that I didn't get it, rather than make me

-have to ring you.

-'Sorry...'

SHE SIGHS

-Hi, Shirl.

-Hello.

We're not meant to be meeting here.

Well, we'll hardly going to find a new local, are we?

Let's go and eat at Beales.

Leaving so soon, ladies?

-'Fraid so.

-Oh, you're breaking my heart.

-I bet.

-Look, what about - you buy two glasses of wine,

and I'll give you the rest of the bottle for free?

Well, you think we're that easy?

-Ooh, don't set me up like that, Sharon.

-Ignore her.

Well, Sharon's right.

This place isn't just about bums on seats,

it's about the people who live here. Tracey was our friend.

Plus, I'm starving and you don't do food.

Well, I'll give you a few olives, few nuts, some bread and oil?

Come on, Chelle.

Right, wait... Look.

I know you look at me like some extremely good-looking bloke

who's pitched up here with

no thought for the roots of the place, but it's not true.

Apart from the extremely good-looking part, of course.

I'm not Fi's mate, I'm Linda's mate. She's yours too.

Yeah, she's my best mate.

Well, second.

Right, right. So think of me as like Mick and Linda's puppet...

Sooty if you like...

while they're off sorting out all their family business and stuff.

You walking out ain't hurting me and Fi, it's hurting them.

Do you really think they deserve another kicking after

everything they're up against?

OK. Bring us a bottle of wine and some nuts.

And crisps.

Word of advice - the "extremely good looking" line

ain't going to work on Ian Beale.

You'd be surprised.

Are they from your school?

The year below.

What's happening? Is Louise having a party?

I guess so.

-You not going?

-Well, what does it look like, Stace?

All right, I was only asking.

Sharon's a braver woman than me, that's for sure.

DOORBELL

Who's that?

Don't worry, Mads has got it. Just relax.

Yeah, straight through to the kitchen. Nice one.

What's happening?

What're they doing here?

Chill, Lou, it's just a couple of mates from school.

A couple? It sounds like a football team. What're they doing here?

Word must've got out, right, Mads?

You knew I wasn't allowed a party.

It's my fault. I might have mentioned it to Travis.

I didn't know he'd pass it on.

Travis? Travis is here?

I can tell him to leave if you want.

Come on, let's get you ready.

Oh, Denise, you don't want that one. It's been hanging around all week.

-I was just coming out to bin them.

-Oh, really, I'm sure it's fine...

Well, I know it looks all right.

And it's a shame really when you think of all the starving

people there are in the world.

But I would never forgive myself, Denise, if you got ill, all right?

Now, here you go. Here's a fresh one.

Much nicer.

Yeah.

So, how are things going with Kush?

Yeah, it's fine...

Oh! Cos me and Billy -

you know, we're moving into Pam and Les's old flat -

I told you, didn't I?

It's going to be lovely, y'know, Denise. Pam is paying for it

to be re-decorated. I mean, how nice is that?

I mean, I've never had anything like that before.

Oh, it's going to be such a treat...

Anyway, so I was saying to Billy,

wouldn't it be nice if we had

some friends over so we thought about you and Kush...

Right, but I've erm, I've got a lot of studying on at the moment.

Yeah, well, talking of which...

-Outrageous.

-What?

Well, haven't you heard? The Community Centre's closed.

Yeah, but I've got a class there later.

No, you haven't. They've shut up shop, Denise.

Derek says all the classes are being transferred to the college!

But that's... that's a tube ride away!

I know. I mean, you should get on to the council, Denise,

start a petition or something...

Sorry, Honey. I've got to go.

What about your shopping?

MICHELLE SIGHS

-What?

-My cut-off was six.

Your cut-off?

They said I'd hear today. I haven't heard, so...

Well, it's not six yet.

No. But my real cut-off was five.

I extended it 55 minutes ago.

Well, maybe the panel need more time?

Maybe one of them's off sick?

Maybe I need a time machine.

I saw my competition, Sharon.

There was one girl there who couldn't have been a day over 20!

Oh, rubbish! Besides, would you employ a 20-year-old over you?

-I sure as hell wouldn't.

-I'm not a man, though, am I?

Well, at least you've not been replaced by one.

I told Linda I'd be happy to help out while Mick was away.

She probably didn't want to burden you.

In case your knees go...

-Rude!

-There you go, ladies.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Enjoy!

Have you heard what I'm getting?

24K!

That's good.

I know.

I do feel quite bad about quitting my internship,

but this is a proper job, innit?

And apparently you get bonuses, if you're doing well. Like tax free.

Just don't spend it all at once, Lauren - set up a savings account.

Yeah, yeah, I will.

After my second pay cheque.

No, it's good. I'm proud of you.

Right, I'm going to love you and leave you.

I'm baby-sitting for Amy and Matthew.

-Again?

-Mm-hm.

You're a good uncle. And a good brother.

I'm proud of you.

See you later.

Dad, I didn't just get the job just because I'm your daughter, did I?

Lauren, you're bright. Believe in yourself.

See ya.

Six o'clock.

That's it.

Cheers.

Cheers.

LOUD POP MUSIC PLAYS

Can someone tell them to turn the music down?

Maybe you could turn up the fun?

Erm, It's all right for you, it's not your house.

Sharon will kill me if she finds out.

Don't stress. It's not like anyone's getting wasted.

What do you think?

More eyeliner. Here, let me.

Careful. I don't want to look...

What, like your stepmum?

Here's your nappies. But I wasn't sure what size you needed.

It's all right, they're not for me. Thank you, Dot.

I'm sorry for calling - I just didn't realise we didn't have any

until Matthew was in the bath, so...

-Jack's been really busy. It's not as bad as it looks.

-I see.

Yeah, I'm going to have a little tidy up when the kids are in bed.

-Yeah, right.

-Fancy a cup of tea?

-Ooh, that would be nice.

-I'll put the kettle on.

You all right?

-Hello. Where're you off to?

-Birthday party.

Party of the year, apparently, unmissable.

-Daaaad!

-Go on, then.

Look!

See you later.

All right, all right, bow down. The party god's arrived.

Come, drink, my disciples. Whoops!

No, this is getting out of hand. You said no booze. And now look!

-It's a few beers, yeah?

-A few?

-Will you stop whining?

To be fair, Mads,

it's understandable Lou would be a bit touchy about booze.

We get it - really.

But just because your dad's an alcoholic

doesn't mean everyone's got an issue with it.

And it's not fair to put that on your mates, is it?

No, I guess not.

How about us three stick together?

Make a non-alcoholic cocktail, say it's got shots in it to keep

everyone off our backs - and that way we can keep an eye, yeah?

-Genius.

-You sure?

That's what mates are for.

Fab, three virgin margaritas coming right up...

Mads, give me a hand. Let's leave Lou to mingle.

I was just thinking, I used to trail around the house trying to

keep it tidy, when my Nick was little.

And just when I thought I'd got a handle on it,

I'd look up and there he was smearing the wallpaper with jam.

Or something worse.

Lovely. Cheers, Dot.

Yeah, I'm surprised there's not worse, to be honest.

You know, imagine if Jack got sick, or, you know,

work got on top of him?

Well, we'd help out, you know - keep his head above water.

Well, I thought that's what we have been doing.

What are you saying, Max?

Nothing. I'm just worried about him, that's all.

It's not just the physical things, is it, Dot?

It's up there as well.

Yes. Well, I mean grief, it don't just go away magically.

No, I mean he's doing great. But I do wonder about him sometimes...

Wonder what?

What with Matthew...

He's not even his dad.

You think it makes it harder for Jack, that...

he ain't his father?

Well, yeah, it would do for me.

But then Jack's a better man than I am.

You still in touch with Charlie?

Well, I could try and get hold of a number for him.

Well, I...

I suppose it might be better for Jack,

if Charlie were in Matthew's life.

Well, if that's what you think's best?

Er, upstairs is off limits.

What, you want me to go in the sink?

Fine, but only use the bathroom. And one at a time.

Someone get her a drink. She's killing my vibe.

Least I ain't a cradle snatcher - you know she's in year nine?

Seen that fake tattoo on her shoulder, girls? Tragic.

Really, you should be thanking me.

Yeah, all right. She was a bit clingy.

Oh, that tastes weird.

Yeah, I overloaded it with grenadine. It might be a bit sweet.

Let's taste some...

Oi, back off.

That's my girl.

Swear.

You wish.

Come on, then, show me where the little boys' room is?

Idiot.

Go on, then, we'll make you another cocktail.

Come on.

Yeah, but what if someone turned up with a time machine?

Offered to take you back 30 years - you saying you

wouldn't be tempted?

What? And live through our bad perm years again?

It was torture enough the first time around.

I suppose we should be grateful they hadn't invented selfies.

-Yeah, they've got this filter.

-Filter?

Little butterfly thing? It gives you this wonderful youthful glow.

OK, OK, so I wouldn't want to be 15 again,

but 25 - ooh, I'd take that.

Life ahead of me. Choices.

Oh, come on, we're not over the hill yet!

We're healthy. We could have another 40 years ahead of us.

Are you trying to cheer me up?

No, I'm just saying that 50 ain't what it used to be, y'know.

Well, take, erm...

Oh, if you're going to say Madonna,

I might chuck this drink in your face.

Take me and Phil.

It weren't that long ago I couldn't see past the next week,

but now we're thinking of building a house abroad.

He's loving Italy.

-What's so funny?

-Oh, nothing.

Just the idea of Phil skipping through an olive grove,

the sun beating down on his little pink head.

Oh, we were thinking somewhere by the sea, actually.

Oh. ignore me. Ignore me, I'm just jealous.

Things'll turn around for you.

You'll see. And if they don't, you'll just have to go professional.

Professional what?

Scrubber.

Hey.

You're brave.

How do you mean?

Just having us all back here.

I don't think I'd be able to relax.

You spoke to Bex?

No, why? She been slagging me off again?

Course not. She's not like that.

Hey.

I'm going to get another can. Do you want a refill?

Sure.

So, how's it going with Travis?

Is my make-up all right? Cos my face feels really weird.

We didn't chase him away, did we?

It is hot in here, innit?

Cos I feel really weird, Mads.

Probs cos you haven't eaten, innit.

I made you a cake - did you see it?

Erm, I think the boys demolished it.

Come on, selfie.

Dennis!

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be at Ben and Jay's.

What you going to do about it? Call Mum?

You look weird.

You need to go, Dennis. It's not a party for kids.

-I ain't going nowhere.

-Fine - you can stay.

But you're not telling your mum.

And you are not drinking, OK!

That one's a deal breaker. I don't care how much trouble I get in.

Fine.

Good.

Great.

-There you go.

-Thanks, you're an angel.

Sorry I'm late - we stopped off at the supermarket on the way home,

to get a few bits. Everything all right here?

Yeah, course. How was your party?

-It was all right.

-Yeah? Dance with any girls?

-There weren't girls.

-No? What sort of a party is that?

-Did you get my cake?

-Oh, he ate it on the way home.

Yes, you, upstairs, brush your teeth on the way to bed.

See you later.

Listen, thanks for stepping in.

That's all right.

Listen, you sure I'm not leaning on you too much?

No, course not.

Listen, I'm sorry about the other day. I've usually got it together.

Jack, you're doing great.

See you later.

-Night.

-Cheers.

LOUD MUSIC AND CHATTER

What you doing? Get up and dance.

-Watch out.

-Sorry. Sorry.

-You all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?

Yeah. All right.

I can't believe you're actually here.

I'm going to have to head in a minute.

Oh, no, don't go, don't go. Please.

-Are you drunk? Do you want a glass of water?

-No.

No, Travis I'm not drunk... ssh. You can't tell anyone.

OK... Cos I'm not...

I'm going to get you that glass of water.

OK.

Oi, oi! Who dares me to down my drink in one?

Go on, then Lou...

ALL: Down it, down it, down it,

down it, down it, down it, down it...

She's breathing really heavily.

It's like her chest is heaving up and down

like every breath's a chore.

Like it might be her last.

It's breaking my heart to see her like that.

She'll be all right, Shirl. Just give her a little bit of space.

Would you say that, if that was one of my grandkids suffering?

Would you?

No, it's not one of your kids, though, is it? It's a...

-It's a what?

-Nothing.

Look, I think what Shirley means is - thanks for your concern.

Look, lads, it's really good to see you back in here again.

Can I offer you some nuts? On the house.

-No, no, you're all right. Thank you.

-I'll have 'em.

Hey, you're only cracking the whip with Denise, then?

Sorry?

She thinks she has to spend every waking minute

with her head in a book. Is she getting on all right?

Oh, she's doing great.

I keep telling her to take a break. I don't want her to burn out.

Right.

Lou, are you OK?

She's wasted, mate.

I'm not... I'm not...

So joke's on you, mate...

All right, prove it - walk in a straight line across the room.

OK.

SHE VOMITS

No, don't look. Don't look.

Wow, I don't know how she got in such a state...

Do you want me to call someone? Your stepmum?

No. No, no Sharon.

Don't worry, Lou. Calm down, yeah?

Come on.

Look at her, she needs help.

Yeah, and she's got us. We'll look after her.

Come here, man, get up, Lou.

PHONE RINGS

Hey.

So, I bumped into your teacher

and he said you needed to take it easy.

So, I thought I'd see if you wanted to hang out?

Erm, anyway, there's no pressure.

Just text me, yeah? Bye.

It's late.

What is it?

It's Lou.

She's really out of it - and she doesn't want me

to call her stepmum, only I think someone should help her...

And that's my problem how?

I mean, well, I'd stick around, but I've got to get home.

And I've had a couple of beers, so I'm a bit tipsy myself.

Oh, come on, Bex. I know things have got bitchy,

but you're bigger than that.

Look, I tried to warn her, but she wouldn't listen.

If she's gone and got herself drunk, then that's her lookout.

No, it's worse than that. She's... she's totally out of it. It's weird.

She doesn't know what she's doing...

Please, Bex, no-one's looking out for her.

MUSIC THUMPS

I need air.

SHE VOMITS

She's chucked up again.

Again? Lou, you all right?

Oh, gross - it stinks.

Oi, oi. She's on a mission...

Where you going? The party's back here...

-Lightweight.

-She can't even walk!

This is going straight online...

There's blood! She's coughing up blood.

Someone do something - she ain't all right.

Get up, Lou.

Come on, Lou, we can see up your skirt...

-She all right?

-She's fine. Lou - you're fine. Lou?

Get up, Louise.

Louise? Louise? Louise? Louise?

How long has she been like this for?

HOW LONG?

Dunno, half an hour...

All right...

Erm...call an ambulance.

Now, Travis!

It's OK. Louise. Louise, you're going to be fine.

I'm here. It's OK.

I'm here. It's OK.